What do they mean when they say "Not into (head/mind) Games"?

[K2 15]

I have been editing profiles for a swinger's website for about 3 years now. It seems that the one of the most common statements that people make when posting an ad is "Please, no mind games!"

 

In your opinion, what would you say that the definition of "Mind Games" is?

 

I would love to come up with a decent way to explain it, and I have struggled with how to phrase it so people know what that term means in general.

 

Thanks for your time.

[Alura 2,775]

Gosh, who knows, K2? Our guess would be someone who pretends to be interested in playing but never follows through. It's all in their minds, maybe.

 

The definitions are probably as numerous as those defining it.

 

Alura

[CanadianCouple 18]

Mind games, in this context, means someone deliberately misleading others they come in contact with, in this case over the internet. Most often an individual posing as a couple, or an actual couple presenting themselves as swingers when in fact they're not. Why? Most often curiousity, to see what kind of responses their ad generates, and how many. For others, it's how they get their thrills, a kind of cyber role-playing, if you will. Rarely is any thought given to people they're lying to, they're in it strictly for themselves.

[ILcouple 15]

Yeah what CanadianCouple said.

[K2 15]

I know that is a tough one to try and define.

 

So in a nutshell you would say that Mind Games is basically "Lying your ass off?"

 

There are a few people that are truly evil though.

 

I have heard of people who have agreed to meet at certain times and places on email and then nobody shows up.

 

I have also heard of men, posting as women, to attract bi females and then bait them along with the hopes of somehow meeting them.

 

They only good way I know of to cut through the crap is to INSIST on talking on the phone after a couple of emails rather than get all involved in some type of charade.

 

Anyone have any horror stories to share to educate people?

[Julie and Randie 15]

We definitely have a horror story..although what we learned from it I'm still not sure.

 

Hubby and I met a man (we'll refer to him as "Larry") in a chat room. Larry told us that he had a girlfriend who was interested in swinging. We chatted back and forth for a few weeks. We only had one phone call from them, the only time we ever spoke to "her". Finally, we set a tentative date. We told Larry that we would let him know when we found a babysitter for that night. All week, he sent messages...sometimes 10 a day before we would answer, demanding to know if we had a babysitter yet...and if we didn't answer within a few minutes he would continue to message, saying things like, "Oh well, I had a feeling you two weren't for real", or "Are you going to answer me?"...we lead busy lives, and would try to explain that whenever we would get back on to chat...but he was never satisfied with that. Finally, hubby and I grew tired of his constant demands and temper. We tried as gently as possible to explain that we no longer were interested, that we didn't think that we would suit very well...

 

Well he didn't like that one bit....he grew angry and started making threats about giving our phone number out to everyone on the net...and saying that he would turn us in to social services - allegedly for "swinging with kids in the house"...which of course was preposterous. We had never had an experience, much less with our kids in the house. I tried as politely a possible to explain to him that it was his personality that was turning us off...but he wouldn't hear it. He had it in his head by then that we were playing games with him.

 

A few days later, we started talking to a new couple...and after another few weeks of chatting with them, agreed upon a meeting place and time - near where they lived, which was an hour drive for us. We arrived that night, nervous but eager. They never showed. We learned later that they were friends of Larry's...it was a set up, just to "get back" at us.

 

I guess we did learn not to give out our home phone number after that....but it was a very irritating ordeal. Thank goodness we have since met people who are not as sick and twisted. Larry still messages us from time to time. I wish we could just wash our hands of him once and for all.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by K2:

IThey only good way I know of to cut through the crap is to INSIST on talking on the phone after a couple of emails rather than get all involved in some type of charade.

 

We agree, although we've been burned even after speaking with both over the phone. For some of these assholes, they take the charade to the extreme.

 

This reminds me of part of a conversation we overheard while attending our very first social, just over three years ago. We were seated at a long table that sat many couples, and one of them were relating how they have what they consider a fool-proof method of guaging other couples without their knowing it. Specifically, it worked like this -- the couple in question would always insist on meeting new people in a particular public locale. It afforded them a vantage point to observe the people they were meeting without they themselves being seen. And if they didn't like what they saw, they'd simply leave and stand the other couple up.

 

My wife and I were both so incensed by the callousness of what we heard, we nearly spoke up ourselves. But we were aware of the fact this was our first social, so we clammed up, but just barely. You just don't treat people like that, no matter what. We've met several couples in person where both J and I knew on sight we'd never have sex with them, but you see the meeting through regardless.

 

It's just the decent thing to do.

 

Dan and Janette

[MiCpl 55]

Our "horror" story if you will was a couple we met online. We met in the person a couple of times and had fun (never played). Seemed to be developing a good friendship. This was close to the end of the year and the subject of NYE came up. We talked about it and thought it would be cool to all four of us go out together to the next town (closest place to really go out and have fun), just for a fun night, no pressure, hang out, dance, party whatever and get a room there so we didn't have to drive back. Since we were the more experienced couple we didn't want them to feel like they were being pushed into anything and made that clear up front, let them know that sharing a hotel room did not mean that anything had to happen that night.. we were all just going out for fun (the bulk of the plan had been their idea anyway). Well we passed on several other opporutinities for NYE because of these plans and on NYE we were all ready to go out. The plan was for them to meet us at our place between 7 and 8 and we'd drive in together.

 

Well around 4:30 or so I sat down at my computer and went online. They caught me on ICQ with an "BTW, we won't be able to make it tonight"... "but we were thinking about going to movie here locally if you guys want to go". No reason for cancelling, nothing.... and at that point it was too late to do any of the other things we had been offered.

 

Needless to say we weren't happy and pretty much never spoke to them again.

[K2 15]

I also have heard of couples that think they are too good for anyone else and treat this whole lifestlye choice as some type of CIA covert mission.

 

The couple that overheard the other couple saying that they liked to "Stalk" other couples first is a something that I think is all too common.

 

Why the hell can't people just meet like honest indivuals and if they don't get sexually excited just say "Thanks for your interest in us, but we don't feel we are a good match?"

 

People are not going to go out and shoot themselves just because they all didn't get along.

 

Think about the dynamics of swinging (couples dating) for a second if you will.

 

To begin with, you are asking a lot for just 2 people to be attracted to each other. Now when you throw 4 into the mix the mathmatical odds of everyone getting along goes up, way up.

 

My experience has been that in most cases at least 1 of the 4 winds up being dragged into a sexual situation that they really don't want just to keep everyone happy. That person usually seems to be a woman. When men get the "urge" it really doesn't matter as we tend to be able to ignore a lot of faults to fill our need to procreate that was programmed into our DNA.

 

Women on the other hand, in my humble opinon, just don't get all jacked up in 5 minutes and tend to like to really get to know people. Most guys are ready to rock and roll on the first meeting everytime no matter what. Sometimes I wish I had a switch to turn on and off my male hormones for the good of the situation.

 

These are some great stories everyone can learn by and I am loving them. Well, I feel bad for you, but I like to read them.

 

Hey Julie, why not start a poll for the worst couples date from hell?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I keep seeing mention in swingers' profiles a statement something like "We're not into games." or "We're not interested in players."

 

I've always assumed these statements were simply a way of saying, "We want real, honest, down-to-earth folks to swing with."

 

Oh wise and mighty swingers, please clarify for me.

 

What do these statements mean?

 

LM

[OhioCouple 41]

Just like other statements such as, 'bi-passive', 'bi-friendly', 'HWP only'....well you get the idea. They are all subjective and each profile may have a different meaning of what it means. If you are interested in a profile, contact them. What can it hurt? Ask them to be more clear on the issue.

 

While I would assume to be what you asked as not wanting to hear from married men posing as couples/singles or those that want to play endless games of e-mails without ever meeting....it could also mean "Hey, we don't like games of any kind. So if you are a golf, dart, football, basketball...etc, enthusist, Do not contact us." Seriously, I've seen stranger things over the course of the last three years.

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by LikeMinds321

I keep seeing mention in swingers' profiles a statement something like "We're not into games." or "We're not interested in players."

 

 

LM

 

I've always thought these two sentences mean, "If you want to meet and fuck, we're interested; if you want to talk, we're not." But what do I know? I'm just a hick Okie, LM.

 

Mr. Alura

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

My dear Mr. Alura:

 

Your epitaph will read...

 

"But what did he know, he was just a hick Okie."

 

:lol:

 

LM

[EternallySingle 32]

Usually "not into games" means not interested in learning about your interests or teling you about theirs. "No players" means don't want to spend any time talking and getting down to sex right away. But thats just on swinger ads.

 

In real life and non-sex sites, "not into games" means not misrepresenting yourself and telling each other personal information so you can get to know each other better and "No players" means people not interested in only talking about sex or scoring. Funny, huh?

[frenzb4sex 15]

We usually determine those that "play games" are those that are more than willing to talk about anything and everything, but when it comes down to making a date to meet or what not, they make every excuse in the book or somehow dodge it. I think that game players are also those that are chronic cancellers...we'll usually give the couple two times, but if it happens that many times (especially consecutively), we move along.

 

Tim

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by LikeMinds321

My dear Mr. Alura:

 

Your epitaph will read...

 

"But what did he know, he was just a hick Okie."

 

:lol:

 

LM

 

Great idea, LM! I'll add that to my will... with pride!

 

, yourself!

 

Mr. Alura

[Brit_Pair 62]

And there was me thinking that "not into games" meant we shouldn't bring along the Monopoly.

 

[GirlieZ 15]

Originally posted by Alura

I've always thought these two sentences mean, "If you want to meet and fuck, we're interested; if you want to talk, we're not." But what do I know? I'm just a hick Okie, LM.

 

Mr. Alura

 

My sentiments exactly. Everything but the Hick Okie part...I like to think of myself as a Pinkneck Ohioan. Have you found the elusive "I want to meet and fuck your brains out over and over again"?

 

 

Zgirl

[curiousagain 326]

I thought on sex sites it meant not into endless pic swapping and emailing without ever meeting or not showing up for meetings or misrepresenting yourself. I thought on date sites it meant not into one night stands or misrepresentation.

 

If I'd had sex for everytime I have run into any of these things over the last few months I would have needed an organ transplant by now.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I don't understand them either. I mean - no one is into playing games and getting played. But - those folks are out there and they are probably going to write to you, pretend to be someone they aren't, feign undying interest, ask for pictures and then disappear. Which is why we tend to move fairly quickly when meeting people on-line. If we are interested, we turn the questions that way quickly. We won't send pictures until we have talked to them on the phone. We tend to discover a lot of players this way. There are lots of folks out there who just want the "freebies" or freeze up when the reality of what they are doing hits them...

 

But - whatever the reason - you need to have a "weed out" process. A warning label doesn't really deter anyone. At best it probably just makes legitimate couples question whether they should contact you.

 

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey

I don't understand them either. I mean - no one is into playing games and getting played. But - those folks are out there and they are probably going to write to you, pretend to be someone they aren't, feign undying interest, ask for pictures and then disappear. Which is why we tend to move fairly quickly when meeting people on-line. If we are interested, we turn the questions that way quickly. We won't send pictures until we have talked to them on the phone. We tend to discover a lot of players this way. There are lots of folks out there who just want the "freebies" or freeze up when the reality of what they are doing hits them...

 

A phone hook-up before exchanging a picture--even a single g-rated picture Spoomonkey? We ask for a picture up front because we provide g-rated pics of ourselves in our profile and physical attraction is important to us. There are many great people I can like as friends, but would not want to jump into bed with; this is why we want to see a picture up front. Meeting without a pic is too risky for us. We aren't looking for new friends, although other people approach swinging in this fashion, we are searching for playmates we hope we'll be able to keep an ongoing relationship with--even if it means sporadically.

 

...But - whatever the reason - you need to have a "weed out" process. A warning label doesn't really deter anyone. At best it probably just makes legitimate couples question whether they should contact you.

 

Spoomonkey

 

We don't place statements about "no games" or "no players" in our profile. And you are right about those statements causing us to hold off on contacting people who make it a big point in their profiles.

 

Right now--and this is an ever evolving process--our weed-out plan is a pic early on with the first or second e-mail exchange, cover some basic interests/rules in what we are seeking sexually early on so we know if we're on the same playing [a dirty word ] field, then a phone call to determine if we would like to meet for a date to get to know each other better.

 

The posts thus far have really been a help. I can already see the "games" pattern developing from some couples who have contacted us through our swing sites.

 

LM

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by GirlieZ

My sentiments exactly. Everything but the Hick Okie part...I like to think of myself as a Pinkneck Ohioan. Have you found the elusive "I want to meet and fuck your brains out over and over again"?

 

 

Zgirl

 

Only twice in twenty-four years has this happened, Zgirl. In both cases we played with the couples for years. It's worth waiting for.

 

Mr. Alura

[Joe_Ang 15]

I was curious about the impression you have about "people playing games". What exactly do you have in mind when you state "not interested in those playing games"? From chatting to meeting and hooking up; what examples have you experienced?

 

Joe

[knightmare 16]

I would think that, by and large, people mean to be honest and straightforward with how they represent themselves and what they're looking for. Not to say they are a "couple" if they are only a "single" and the like.

 

I suppose some who write that might be averse to a game of "strip poker" but somehow I doubt it

[Brit_Pair 62]

We've always interpreted it as a sign that a particular couple doesn't want to be p*ssed around. Endless emails and/or phone calls that never lead actually lead anywhere; people who arrange meeting after meeting and then cancel time and again at the last minute; men who contact you without telling their reluctant/unknowing wives in the hope that you will meet her cold and somehow seduce her into the lifestyle. To us, 'no game playing' is a warning to the wannabes and frauds to stay away.

 

Unfortunately, we've experience of all the above.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Unfortunately, we've experience of all the above.

 

Yuck...

 

And I always thought England was such a happy place

 

That was as good a definition as I have read.

 

Spoomonkey

[CB_n_Red 16]

Yuck...

 

And I always thought England was such a happy place

 

In this rain.....

 

That was as good a definition as I have read.

 

Spoomonkey

 

Ditto! We seem to have met (or rather not met) more than our fair share in the time we have been active. Not to say we haven't met some good 'uns, but the time-wasters and game players drive us up the wall at times!

 

We were supposed to be meeting a couple this evening, arranged a few weeks ago. We all agreed, talking on the phone, that we would be in touch this past week to confirm, but our messages this week go unanswered. Looks like another game player to us. As it happens it's just as well as the starter motor just packed up on our motor.....

[Handyman69 15]

We've always interpreted it as a sign that a particular couple doesn't want to be p*ssed around. Endless emails and/or phone calls that never lead actually lead anywhere; people who arrange meeting after meeting and then cancel time and again at the last minute; men who contact you without telling their reluctant/unknowing wives in the hope that you will meet her cold and somehow seduce her into the lifestyle. To us, 'no game playing' is a warning to the wannabes and frauds to stay away.

 

Unfortunately, we've experience of all the above.

Ditto..........we seem to get ten of these for every perspective ad.

John

[WesternSwing 504]

Funny question, since some of the biggest flakes we've met (or haven't) are those that have "not into those playing games" (or something like it) in their profiles.

 

Mr. WS

[C&D 15]

Originally posted by Brit_Pair

We've always interpreted it as a sign that a particular couple doesn't want to be p*ssed around. Endless emails and/or phone calls that never lead actually lead anywhere; people who arrange meeting after meeting and then cancel time and again at the last minute; men who contact you without telling their reluctant/unknowing wives in the hope that you will meet her cold and somehow seduce her into the lifestyle. To us, 'no game playing' is a warning to the wannabes and frauds to stay away

 

 

"...you take it or leave it...things that their sayin' aren't right...if I promised you the moon and the stars would you believe it...games people play in the middle of the night"

 

Sorry...couldn't resist

 

 

And actually turning out to be the jealous type.

 

 

D

[Yummi 16]

"No Games" is something I say in my online ads. What I mean by that is pretty much what everyone else here has said...I don't want anyone that is going to be anything but honest. Once I was contacted by a gal that was married and didn't want her jealous hubby to find out. No thanks!!

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

My gf and I were talking last night about swinging in general, and about the games people talk about being played on them.. Nearly every SLS personal says "NO GAMES". As we have not been in this for a long time, we have not had the opportunity (not that we want it lol) to run into whatever other people have seen. So I am posing these questions to you all:

 

1) What games have you seen people play within the realm of swinging? (either played on you, or on someone you know).

 

2) What games did you think were being played, only to find out it was miscommunication and not a game?

[Vespertine 31]

Only negative thing we've encountered was a single woman who turned into an emotional wreck when we didn't want to form a poly-type relationship with her, and claimed we used her. She was the one who approached us!

 

She wasn't satisfied with being only friends with benefits. She couldn't understand why my husband paid me more attention than her. She really freaked us out, and we had to drop all ties with her.

 

We make sure UPFRONT that everyone knows we are NOT into polyamory. We are into fun with friends, no more.

 

We're still Newbies, and this is our only negative experience. I've often wondered if our experience is a common occurence in this lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think games is a poor word choice for what people are wanting to avoid. I think the things that fall into that category would be things like people...

 

- posting fake ads just for the purpose of hoping to collect erotic pictures

- posting ads with no intention of ever meeting anyone

- pretending to be someone they are not

[EternallySingle 32]

I've had two games played on me on swing sites. One is the game where a woman with a bi-husband or boyfriend posts an ad as a single woman, then says that her S/O will only watch and join if everyone agrees. The two times I met someone with that type of ad, the woman looked exactly like the pictures I receive, but as soon as I arrived I realized the man was WAAAAAYYY more interested in me than the woman was. I rarely hug women I first meet. Some guy copping a feel before I even shake hands with his wife? come on, now.

 

The other is the one email then meet us at the Holiday Inn tomorrow or we'll tell everyone you are fake game. I had that happen on one site that eventually closed down due to complaints about single men ironically. This one is usually played by newbie couples that think the singles are so desperate that they will do anyone anytime. When I told the third couple that wanted me to drive to Knoxville that weekend that they should try picking up a guy at ta bar, I found that half the site had blocked me.

 

LOL I don't get suckered in by any of the other games couples play too often. I've more or less stopped looking for couples over the last six months or so. Too many like the above examples where I live for me to spend the time looking for someone to contact, and not enough interested in contacting me. I'm saving my energy for combatting the games single women play. At least with single women, I don't have to deal with one person distracting me while another tries some complex maneuver. Of course, your milage may vary based on road conditions, highway vs. city traffic, and average driving speed.

[northindycpl 32]

We have a couple. They fall into Julie catagorys....

 

Of course there is the man who emails constantly and either his wife has no idea or doesn't exist...

 

And then there is the wife who is a basket case cause her husband brought her to a swing club as a 'surprise'

 

 

The later happened to us the first time we ever visited a club. And it was the couple we were interested in the most until the truth, and drama, came out.

 

All in all, I can report that the events have been minor, and few and far between for us. We don't take very many people seriously until we meet and our intuition kicks in.

[ALilOEverything 901]

My idea of No Games is the same as Julies. I had a guy I chatted with SLS and later found out his wife had no knowledge but wanted to start making friends while he was convincing her of this. I told him I didn't want to have anything to do with the situation and he contantly emailed me and tried to initiate chat (on SLS) even though I had him blocked. He eventually got tired of being ignored and moved on to the next person. This was before I knew you could report people or I would have done just that. I felt totally harrassed.

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

Hey thanks for all the replies It really helps to have some idea of what is out there...

 

 

But.. as for the REST of you guys... I must lodge a complaint ...!!!! I know that there have to be more than five stories out there with all the times people write that stuff in their profiles that there must be some interesting things to share... and things we can prepare each other for.

 

Soooooo.... if you can think of anything to post, I would love to read it!

[JakenReenie 17]

[quote name=

 

But.. as for the REST of you guys... I must lodge a complaint ...!!!! I know that there have to be more than five stories out there with all the times people write that stuff in their profiles that there must be some interesting things to share... and things we can prepare each other for.

 

Soooooo.... if you can think of anything to post, I would love to read it!

 

 

OK, OK, don't get your panties all in a bunch, I'm writing as fast as I can.

 

I think that in this case the term games is synonymous with misrepresentation, and we could write a book on people who misrepresent themselves. We have seen:

 

1. Wankers. Guys who pose as couples just to get off on it. Most of them seem to be picture collectors. We got much more careful about sending pics after somebody sent us OUR OWN PIC claiming it was them! Others go so far as to talk on the phone to set up a meeting, claiming that the wife is in the shower, or just ran out to do an errand or some such foolish thing. We won't converse at all unless both are there, we each converse with both partners and both partners agree to a face to face meeting.

 

2. Literary Artistes. People who send endless e-mails with ridiculous questions and unreasonable requests before meeting. The worst of these that I recall was a couple who after a long drawn out email exchange decided that they would like to attend a small gathering we were hosting. The day before the event, the husband asked me to send him a list of all of the names and addresses of people who would be attending so they could be sure they wouldn't run into anyone they knew. I responded that I would be happy to comply just as soon as he gave me permission to send their name and address to all of the other people first so I could get their permission. Funny, we never heard from that couple again, although they still remain active on Swappernet.

 

3. Ageless Beauties. I don't care who you are and what kind of charmed life you've led, a 10 year old picture is not representative of who you are now. Everyone wants to present themselves in the best light, but there is no excuse for being off your description by 10 years, 50 pounds or 6 inches. (We're talking height here, get your minds out of the gutter.)

 

4. Everybody was a newbie once. This hasn't happened often but we've had couples who have greatly exaggerted their experience only to get completely cold feet once things started getting intimate. We were once playing with a couple and everything was going fine until the woman looked over and saw Reenie riding her husband and started sobbing - talk about a woody killer!

 

 

That's our idea of gameplaying. I'd like to think we'll never experience it again but I'm not holding my breath.

[BodyScape02 21]

I guess we’ve been rather lucky in the three years we’ve been adventuring. We’ve not had any really memorable “games” played on us but we have had our share of disappointments. I think reading this board helped us steer clear of many of the crazier things we’ve read about.

 

About the only thing I might categorize under “game playing” we’ve encountered are the usual crop of single males who lie about themselves or the married men who are trying to cheat. We spot them darn fast and things never go far.

 

Your best bet is to keep reading up on these boards as the games people play crop up here over and over just in different settings and with different people. You’ll get a knack for avoiding the problems with easy.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Misrepresenting how they are in the sack.

 

Couples whose husbands talk it up about how good they are in the sack and when Mrs naughty gets them in bed it's like trying to fuck a gummy worm.

[Guest smileytattoo]

I have to agree that a ten yr old picture is NOT what you are today!! And why lie about your weight when we will eventually SEE YOU in person and will know the truth!! This one lady who claimed to be Bi, said she weighed less than me and that I was big but still OK enough to meet them. HELLO... she was bigger than me. Did she think that we wouldnt notice?? And she wasnt very Bi either! She seemed really nervouse, and one other thing... If your lactating you should tell the other couple!!!! GROSS... I got a mouth full.

[Guest smileytattoo]

Misrepresenting how they are in the sack.

 

Couples whose husbands talk it up about how good they are in the sack and when Mrs naughty gets them in bed it's like trying to fuck a gummy worm.

LMAO!!! We have met a "Don Juan" want to be before. Afterwards I laughed when I told hubby that I "took one for the team" .

[JakenReenie 17]

Misrepresenting how they are in the sack.

 

Couples whose husbands talk it up about how good they are in the sack and when Mrs naughty gets them in bed it's like trying to fuck a gummy worm.

 

Different strokes for different folks - I can guarantee that if we met a couple to scope them out and the male started bragging about his abilities in the sack, the meeting would be over then and there. We value compatibility over sexual prowess.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Different strokes for different folks - I can guarantee that if we met a couple to scope them out and the male started bragging about his abilities in the sack, the meeting would be over then and there.....

 

Yup, That's what we learned. I geuss you are just smarter than us.

 

 

We value compatibility over sexual prowess.

 

I don't care how Compatible you are. It is damn near impossible for a woman to have sex with a gummy worm.

[adventureUS2 25]

Most peolpe are not intentionally playing games

 

I think the most common thing that happens is actually just people being to nice and not being able to say sorry not interested. We all get e mails from people we are not attracted to and it is hard to reject someone. So in the intrest of being kind people string each other along playing e mail tag and chatting on line trying to prolong the inevitable " When can we meet? "

 

I have found it hard to reject people myself but do it anyway because it is not fair to string someone along thinking you are interested in them. It is actually more frustrating then just being rejected.

[growgirl 15]

Most peolpe are not intentionally playing games

 

I think the most common thing that happens is actually just people being to nice and not being able to say sorry not interested. We all get e mails from people we are not attracted to and it is hard to reject someone. So in the intrest of being kind people string each other along playing e mail tag and chatting on line trying to prolong the inevitable " When can we meet? "

 

I have found it hard to reject people myself but do it anyway because it is not fair to string someone along thinking you are interested in them. It is actually more frustrating then just being rejected.

 

Dito I agree with my near-neighbor adventureus2, what we've experienced (and been guilty of as well ) is prolonging contact because of not being able to clearly state that you're not interested. So, other than the obvious fakers (I mean c'mon, it's 10pm on a friday night, your "unbelievable hot, model material, loves to shake her ass 22 year old wife" is in bed asleep and you're on the computer wanting to chat dirty with me? Puhleeeeeeeeeze!) and the people who must be unable to read, we've had no real "games".

 

growgirl

[two4youinswva 3,068]

 

But.. as for the REST of you guys... I must lodge a complaint ...!!!! I know that there have to be more than five stories out there

 

Ok, Ok! Been out of town on business, and trying to catch up!

 

We haven't been involved in too many games so far. We both work with the public and deal with loads of people in one-on-one situations every day. This has helped us develop and hone our "compatability and troubled people radar" to a fairly high level. However, the occasional few do manage to get through.

 

I (Mr two4you) did contact one "couple" to see what they were all about, and like others, it turned out to be a married male who couldn't talk his spouse into it yet. Of course he wanted pics and all that jazz. I made it politely clear that we played as a couple with couples and there wouldn't be any pics traded. I thought he understood this, as he said he did. However, the next time Mrs two4you was on the cpu, he started hounding her for pics. After she got finished with him, I think he finally "saw the light". We haven't heard anything since.

 

We have actually been on the other side of the fence once. We passed a couple emails with a couple, and they wanted to meet. Their suggestions as to when/where we should meet were just not a possibility for us at that time. (Because "life" does happen). The next question from them was "Are you for Real?". We apologized for having a life outside of the lifestyle, and giving time and attention to our family, and suggested it might be best for them to look for someone else if they wanted a couple to be "on call" for them.

 

I agree that many couples aren't playing games, but just don't know how to say "no, thanks". It was hard for us at first, but we quickly learned how much easier it makes things. If you go about it the right way, it doesn't seem to cause to many problems. And if they do get mad, upset, etc, then aren't you glad you didn't go any further with them and get caught up in their drama/angst/emotional bs?

 

Couples whose husbands talk it up about how good they are in the sack and when Mrs naughty gets them in bed it's like trying to fuck a gummy worm.

 

We agree. We don't mind if the wife brags on the husband a little, or the husband brags on the wife a little. It's great to be proud of your SO's abilities, just as long as you're not trying to "sell them". As for bragging on yourself, we find that to be a BIG turnoff. Why set yourself up for failure?

[JnCC 24]

Misrepresenting how they are in the sack.

 

Couples whose husbands talk it up about how good they are in the sack and when Mrs naughty gets them in bed it's like trying to fuck a gummy worm.

In all fairness to guys who have been somebody else's "gummy worm," (and I would include myself in that group) there HAS to be some attraction and a certain level of comfort in order for us to perform. Even when the woman is physically attractive (as I'm sure Mrs Naughty is) there's still the "comfort thing" to deal with. Things like, "Is my wife OK with the other guy? Is he OK with her? Is he OK with what his wife and I are doing?...that sort of thing.

 

It's not easy to relax and "just enjoy the moment" when we're feeling responsible for the safety and well-being of another. Distraction=dysfunction. It takes time and practice to learn how to be a swinger.

 

When the males you're talking about speak of their "sexual skill and endurance," they're probably relating it to their "1-on-1" performance with their wife...a situation they're very familiar with. But the first time you put them in bed with strangers, they're dangerously close to overload. Something's GOT to give. The first casualty is usually el-Dick-O...

 

If I were still part of a couple meeting other couples, I'd be a little concerned with any husband who WAS "too comfortable, too soon," with all this. I would think it's pretty normal for a male in a healthy, committed relationship to have other things on his mind besides his own pleasure the first time he and his wife meet a couple, especially if they're still "newbies" to the Lifestyle.

 

I wouldn't write the "gummy worm" husbands off too soon. It's not really a "game" they're playing with you, just the reality of how one's sexual response is affected when faced with an unfamiliar situation. They're probably fucking like piston engines as soon as they get home. Take a little time to get to know them and make them comfortable around you, and they'll fuck like piston engines when they come to your house, too.

[Atilla 16]

The games that we've encountered include:

 

- being sent to the wrong address to meet with a couple, not once but twice

-guy is interested but wife has no idea of what's going on

-wife knows what's going on but seriously has no intention of anything ever happening, she's just humoring her husband.

 

I't taken us two years to weed out the game players. We've finally just found our match and oh, what a wonderful match it is.

 

T