Other girl's date assumed I'd do him

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi All,

 

I'm not asking for help so much as just your opinions and thoughts on this situation.

 

We were at a fun house party last month with people who were familiar to us, and quite a few new, too. People from 3 states were there. During an icebreaker early on, another gal and I, brand-new acquaintences, hit it off right away. We went around the room as a pair playing the icebreaker game, and it was great fun. We really connected. People were asking if we were best friends, but we'd just met. Let's call her Sue.

 

Sue and I were flirting up my hubby as well as others, the two of us tag-teaming on the game as a pair. I didn't know who her husband/SO was, had no idea for the next couple of hours! I had the feeling she was a single girl, maybe there with a date or something. We were playing the "game" with my hubby, as well as quite a bit with each other, needless to say. Things got really heated, and we clearly wanted to take each other into a room. At this heated point, the game we were playing involved the two of us going down on my hubby at the same time. I asked playfully if she'd like to go into one of the bedrooms to complete our "mission" there, and she said yes. I asked if it was okay with her husband (or whoever), and asked her if we should ask him first. She agreed we'd go ask him, and I finally met this elusive guy. He was an older man who'd been sitting in a chair very quietly the whole night. We were quickly introduced, and he agreed about the two of us girls going down on my hubby together. I heard second-hand on the way that he said, "if he could watch". Of course, this was okay!

 

So, we three extremely horny new friends went off to the bedroom together with this guy following behind. We did what we went there to do, and it was extremely HOT. The chemistry that started in the main room was off the charts when we got to a bed! If we'd had the opportunity to keep that going, we all three would have been seeing stars and hearing waves crashing on the beach. But, a few minutes into it, Mr. I'm-Just-Here-To-Watch maneuvered me beside them and started to go down on me. I really didn't want to...I didn't appreciate the interruption. I wasn't attracted at all - but I let him. After a little bit of that, I sat up (couldn't continue with him). He stood up right in front of me, dropped his drawers, and expected me (clearly) to give him what me and his lady friend had given my husband. THAT was not the deal! Now I really didn't want anything to do with him. (Remember, this man and I hadn't even gotten acquainted.)

 

I moved away from his dick in my face and slid back to Sue and my hubby, where we continued what we started for a few more minutes. This was clearly what Sue wanted, too. It was fun while it lasted, except for this guy.

 

Question: Am I right for feeling that it was rude of him to think I was supposed to do with him whatever Sue did with me and my hubby? If a man says up front he's just going to watch, is that code for "I'm just saying that so I can weasel my way in?"

 

Followup: They've been contacting us and they assume we'll play as a 4some next time we meet. Yes, I'd love to play with her again, but not him. However, I won't suggest that. Like most of us couples, sometimes you're attracted to one but not the other, and when that happens we just let it go. It's the only way we know to handle it (is there any other way)?

 

By the way, this couple turned out to not be married, and don't apparently live together...they're dating. It's probably why I got the single girl vibe off of her.

 

If you were in my shoes in this scenario, what would you have done?

[Amanda69 24]

I would have had a more detailed discussion with her first before consenting to play to find out the situation with her and this guy. While there are men who will happily sit on a chair and watch the action, most men want to join in, can't really blame the guy.

 

You have to consider what you are comfortable with is not always what others consider to be normal or comfortable for them. Maybe they go to a lot of parties where they enjoy anonymous sex. Maybe she essentially is the bait to get him laid at these parties, she does the trolling and when she finds a couple gets him involved.

 

I would certainly be open asap about your lack of interest in him and see where that takes you. Maybe she is open to partying on her own, then you have a winner. If not then maybe just a fun friend to hang with occaisonally.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Question: Am I right for feeling that it was rude of him to think I was supposed to do with him whatever Sue did with me and my hubby? If a man says up front he's just going to watch, is that code for "I'm just saying that so I can weasel my way in?"

 

It seems to me that you guys were fairly clear about what you were going back into the room for - and he understood that he was coming to watch.

 

It is hard to say - maybe things weren't as black and white as they seem - but based just on your post, it really does seem like he jumped in uninvited. If the three of you were clear with him about your intentions then he had no right to join in unless he was invited.

 

Spoomonkey

[TNT 1,155]

But, a few minutes into it, Mr. I'm-Just-Here-To-Watch maneuvered me beside them and started to go down on me. I really didn't want to...I didn't appreciate the interruption. I wasn't attracted at all - but I let him.

 

I think this is the mistake that was made. Having let him go down on you, he assumed you would return the favor. It's an assumption that shouldn't be made, but it very commonly is.

 

Had you pushed him away at the time, he probably would have gotten the hint and just sat and watched as was dicussed that he would. If he didn't get the hint and you weren't comfortable having him join in, then it would have been time to stop things and return to the party.

 

 

Teresa

[Tybee Swing 286]

Thanks for all of your thoughts. Amanda mentioned that we should have had a more detailed discussion about their relationship. This would happen with us normally, in a getting-to-know-you situation. My husband and I love to be clear about things to avoid any drama. However, this setting was different. It was a wild out-of-town party kind of thing, you know? Not really the "sit down and tell me all about your life" kind of setting.

 

The reason I suggested that we check for permission was to avoid drama, in case he would have had a problem with her going off. I was trying to be courteous and respectful to them as a couple (though not knowing their relationship), and make sure everyone was cool with it. We never want to step on anyone's toes.

 

Regarding that moment when he interrupted to go down on me...yes, my impulse was to say "no" right then, but it was very, very awkward. I had to make a split-second decision. If I'd said "no" or pushed him off, it likely would have brought everything to a screeching halt (buzz-kill!). Maybe in the back of my mind, I was thinking I'd ease out of the situation with him in a moment or two, rather than being forced into making a scene and ending the fun. It did end pretty quickly because of the interruption, anyway. It just delayed it a few minutes.

 

This is my feeling on it: Because he didn't know me at all and got no hint from me that I wanted it, he should have left it alone unless I actually invited him. If he asked, I'd be forced to say "no". If he just jumps in, I'd be forced to push him away and say no, killing the moment. Or, I'd be taken by surprise and go along with it for a moment unwillingly (like I did), then end up moving away from him, anyway. Now, if we'd talked and flirted all evening as a couple, I'd get it. But, we didn't. I'd barely just been introduced to him after hours of flirting with his girlfriend.

 

There was definitely an agreement, even though it was hastily made, that he wanted to watch the three of us, and that she had permission to play. I figured that was enough conversation in that moment and in that setting. If he followed us "to watch", he should have kept his word unless he got invited to join....no?

 

Next time something like this happens (if ever), I'll just sit up and say, "I thought you said you came to watch." It will still likely end the fun, though. I don't see a happy ending here. LOL!

[dayhiker 83]

Ya, I can see how with him sitting back why his gf? was out there involved and then

checking with him was a discontinutity from the start.

The play in the room was if he could watch. So that did indicate it was bases

on some limited involvment by him.

Then he made a move to up his involvement. He got a tentive yes in that involvment and upped the involvment again to get your NO. I don't see that anyone did anything wrong from what they understood at the time.

looking back its always clearer to see how the situatoin could have been handled better and I'm sure we all learn from what you have described.

It seems to me that awkward situations are going to be common in this lifestyle. Part of growing in it is learning to live with that ackwardness and then learning how to be graceous in how we deal with them.

 

dayhiker

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi dayhiker, thanks for your thoughts.

 

The play in the room was if he could watch. So that did indicate it was bases on some limited involvment by him.

Then he made a move to up his involvement.

 

Can you explain? Why did his agreeing to watch indicate a basis for some "limited involvement" with him? I would think it would indicate watching, no further involvement. Perhaps I'm too literal a person?

[ohash01 20]

Hmmm...tricky tricky situation. I'm curious as to whether or not they came TO play together. I know that WAAAYY back in the day when I used to be a single female, I'd almost always have a guy with me wherever I went for "safety". Did it seem like she WANTED him to join?

 

It just seems a little odd to me...MOST (not all) men I know want to be involved when their women are. Not just sitting there watching. I mean - once in a while it's okay...but not usually in the hyped-up house party way. I also don't understand why he didn't just go "is it okay if?..." We have spent time with the same couple for a while now and I STILL ask if stuff is okay. A lot of irritation, frustration, and buzzkills could be avoided. Isn't the "rule" generally if you dont know the couple you ask if it's okay?

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hmmm...tricky tricky situation. I'm curious as to whether or not they came TO play together. I know that WAAAYY back in the day when I used to be a single female, I'd almost always have a guy with me wherever I went for "safety". Did it seem like she WANTED him to join?

 

My impression was that she was very bi-curious, she was very into the kissing and stuff we were doing, wanted to explore it, and explore my husband, too. She didn't seem to have a desire to have her boyfriend join, nor a desire for him not to. I'm the one that suggested we ask him (just to keep everything cool for everybody). You'd think she would have asked him without the suggestion. It really was a very odd situation!

 

It just seems a little odd to me...MOST (not all) men I know want to be involved when their women are. Not just sitting there watching. I mean - once in a while it's okay...but not usually in the hyped-up house party way. I also don't understand why he didn't just go "is it okay if?..." We have spent time with the same couple for a while now and I STILL ask if stuff is okay. A lot of irritation, frustration, and buzzkills could be avoided. Isn't the "rule" generally if you dont know the couple you ask if it's okay?

 

I'm like you, I/we always ask if we're about to go into unexplored territory, even if we really know the couple and we've been together before. And yes, I think it should be engraved in stone, that if you don't even know the couple, you always ASK first. Or better yet, if you say you're coming back to watch, you keep your word and just watch, unless you're invited. Maybe Emily Post should address this issue.

[ShellyM 0]

Hi All,

Question: Am I right for feeling that it was rude of him to think I was supposed to do with him whatever Sue did with me and my hubby? If a man says up front he's just going to watch, is that code for "I'm just saying that so I can weasel my way in?"

 

Honestly? I can tell you only my opinion. With us, since we are a married couple, it is understood from jump that if you are doing her husband than vice versa is expected. I honestly think that if you were not interested in him you should have made it more clear. Now, I do realize that he was just sitting off being unsociable...but you did know about him, that he was her husband. Thats jmo, but I think in a way it was selfish of you just to assume that he would not want to play as well.

[2jersey 16]

I heard second-hand on the way that he said, "if he could watch".

Of course, this was okay!

 

1) He can see that the girls are going to get it on

2) He wants to watch

3) You heard that he wants to watch "second hand"

 

It is unlikely that he ever intended to "just" watch. There is a big difference between "just watching" and "watching". He expected couples play - as most people would do in this circumstance.

[blondie77 17]

I have to agree with 2jersey...I also think it's unlikely that he intended "only to watch". He probably assumed that since they were together, whatever action she got that night, he would be involved in too. Someone mentioned that it could be that he just uses her as bait to get laid, so he doesn't have to do any of the work himself. (I've seen guys like that...they're not interested in socializing or getting to know people, they let their SO's do the dirty work...then they reap the benefits.) Who knows...this may not be the case...but in any case, yes, I do think it was rude of him to just jump in like that. However, as they were a couple, I would've made things more clear before heading off to that bedroom. Couples "usually" play together, and perhaps this guy just thought he was entitled to jump in...not saying that he was entitled, of course. By letting him go down on you, I think you gave him the all clear to proceed. However, I agree that in that situation, it's always proper to ask before doing anything.

[ShellyM 0]

You know though, I have re-read the OP, and he seemed to be pretty darn rough! I really hope I am mis-reading it, but it seems in the post like he just barged in, grabbed her and started having his way with her! Wow, the guy really needs to work on that approach! The wrong woman might really get some attitude with a man just coming along, grabbing her arm and deciding its his turn to do her. Hopefully I am mis-interpreting that part of the post, but man is he looking for trouble if I'm not.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Personally - if he meant anything other than "I am going to watch" when he said "I am going to watch" it was up to him to be a bit more clear. I don't think Tybee can be blamed for misinterpreting that.

 

Spoomonkey

[dayhiker 83]

Hi dayhiker, thanks for your thoughts.

 

 

 

Can you explain? Why did his agreeing to watch indicate a basis for some "limited involvement" with him? I would think it would indicate watching, no further involvement. Perhaps I'm too literal a person?

 

Tybee - just the watching is involvment in my opinion. He's not watching as someone who is walking by, but he's in the room ... But the comment if I can watch, doesn't comunicate what his real desires were, so its a changing agreement as the meeting goes on between the 4 or you. Clearly makes it easy to have misunderstandings.

 

Well, I hope each of you don't beat each other up (figureatively) over this. Doesn't sound as if you are. We are limited as humans, because we for the most part don't know what will happen 10 mins from now even when we paln it.

shalom,

dayhiker

[Tybee Swing 286]

Don't worry Dayhiker, nobody's beating each other up. It's unlikely we'll really be seeing each other again.

 

For the last several people that posted, I'll clarify about how the agreeing to watch thing transpired.

 

a) She and I were flirting it up like mad for a long time at this party, moving around the whole area, playing the party game, flirting quite a bit with my hubby. Her guy was watching from afar, though I didn't know it because I didn't know who he was or who she was even with. I was kind of confused about her situation (it's just kind of different from what we're used to). I asked a few friendly curious questions, didn't get much, didn't know if they were married, saw no actual sign that she was (I saw no ring).

 

b) When the flirting between me, my hubby and her reached a point where the game level was such that she and I were going to go down on him, she seemed ready to just go off with us. I asked her if she wanted to go check with her guy first. (I wouldn't call me selfish.)

 

c) She finally pointed out to me who she was with, we went over for a very hasty introduction (we barely said hi), then she asked him if she could go in the room with me and my hubby to go down on him. I think I was turned away when he answered, or something...maybe hubby and I were standing aside, talking. Right after that, she told me, "He said sure, if he could come watch". She was grinning and all excited (and horny). That was it....he was saying he wanted to watch us girls go down on my husband. That was the end of discussing it, we were holding each other, kissing, and moving toward a room.

 

d) This was a sex party. It wasn't the kind of setting where people date, then sit down, draw out a contract on exactly what is going to transpire from this point forth. Don't mean to sound sarcastic, but in this setting, does anybody talk at great length about what's going to happen? I think in many cases, this was probably even more discussion than what might normally have happened. We might have just gone with it, nobody asking anything, unless I suggested she ask her husband/boyfriend/escort, or whoever he was (I still didn't really know).

 

e) He didn't grab me or get rough, but he did just horn in. I was oblivious to him until he suddenly interrupted what I was doing, kind of "maneuvering" me from them. I should have verbally or physically just brushed him off immediately right then and there. I already explained at length why I didn't in that initial moment. I let it go a couple of minutes and then not wanting to tolerate it anymore, changed what was happening. I did what I did. Next time, I won't tolerate a minute of it.

 

Is it "fair" that a horny woman that I was attracted to wanted me and my husband, and I didn't care to be with her man that I didn't know, had barely even met, and wasn't remotely attracted to? Probably not "fair", but those were the circumstances at the moment. We didn't discuss anything beyond her and I going down on my hubby. The feeling of the moment was:

She wanted us.

We wanted her.

He said he wanted to watch us.

It sounded fair enough to me at the time.

[dayhiker 83]

Tybee,

Sounds perfectly fair to me for you two, then three to go at it.

Its also fair that he wanted to watch, you agreed, its fair he wanted to up it beyond watching .. and ofcouse hat then put it out of the comfort level of the nights activitites and discussion up to that point. Clearly shows why its good to have an understanding before hand. Negociating once the sensuality has elevated to to sexual heat just doesn't work so well. We read that over and over again on these web pages.

Swingercast just had a very heart wrencing story of how a last minite decission changed the whole way the evening went. Yet, the maturity of both you and them shows you have handled the situation well. I personally can't swing, but I'm learning so much about living from people like you that have found yourselves in these tough situations and how you dealt with them.

 

thanks

dayhiker

[Tybee Swing 286]

Swingercast just had a very heart wrencing story of how a last minite decission changed the whole way the evening went.

 

That sounds intriguing. What happened? Something went really wrong?

 

Clearly shows why its good to have an understanding before hand. Negociating once the sensuality has elevated to to sexual heat just doesn't work so well. We read that over and over again on these web pages.

 

This is so true, about all the stories you read here - mostly communication and attraction/non-attraction issues. But it seems that even with couples that you "date", talk to for hours in email/IMs, talk about what you like and don't like, things like this still happen in the moment of sexual activity. There's always room for misunderstandings, confusion, and even offenses, intended or not. Sometimes, it seems like "dating" and getting to know a couple makes everything easier, though often in reality, it can be just as complicated, or get even more complicated.

 

A casual party like we were at seems like it would be simple, but that can get complicated, too. You suggested negotiating before sexual heat is involved....but that's not really practical when you're playing a sexy game at a house party with people you just met, kwim? The party was fun, though. We like that setting, especially because you don't know who you might meet and what may happen that night (keeps things exciting). I think a party is more fun than courting/dating people. We get a lot of that courting/endless dating where we live, and it gets a little weary.

 

I guess the bottom line is: Swinging isn't simple, and it's never like it is in the movies. Wish it was that simple, sometimes! Thanks for your thoughts.

 

I was thinking about this last night. I thought that if when asked, if the guy had said, "Sure, if I can play", instead of, "Sure, if I can watch", it would have ended right then, with just that one word change. What I'll do differently in the future: next time I hear "watch", I'll ask if they mean "play", and we'll communicate about it.

[NandTfromCA 84]

This is obviously not something you will get a right answer on. Just different perspectives.

 

First, you didn’t do anything wrong. In these situations everyone needs to make sure they are making the effort to communicate as effectively as possible and it’s obvious that you were making that effort. It’s also obvious that Mr. Presumptive was not.

 

Here’s the situation- You were hitting it off with someone. You never saw her with a guy. She never mentioned a guy. You asked her if she wanted to go into a room with you and she said “yes”. We would not have then asked her about her man. If she wanted him to join, “yes” would be replaced with “would you like to meet my man?” or “can my man join in the fun?”

 

By you asking about her man after she had already said she was going in the room with you two, it could be misinterpreted as “shall we see if your man wants to be part of this?”

 

It’s much easier to say what you could have done after the fact but if you want to take extra care to avoid drama, you could ask about her man during the flirting process. Otherwise, trust her to make her own judgments on including him.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi NandT,

 

Here’s the situation- You were hitting it off with someone. You never saw her with a guy. She never mentioned a guy.

 

Just to keep clarifying, I knew she was there with a guy, but they weren't hanging out near each other, the way my hubby and I do. I didn't know which guy she was there with for quite awhile (it was pretty crowded). I also didn't know the nature of their relationship. That's very different from the way hubby and I are with each other in these settings. Nobody has to wonder who we're there with.

 

It’s much easier to say what you could have done after the fact but if you want to take extra care to avoid drama, you could ask about her man during the flirting process.

 

I did ask about him during the flirty process. In post #16, note where I wrote that I would ask her some curious questions, but didn't get much of an answer. So, I went on with the casual fun and game-playing. But, yes I agree....if something like this happens again, I'll ask more and get a really clear answer next time.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[ShellyM 0]

Exactly. I did not mean to make it sound like you had done something wrong, I think my first post came across that way. DEFINATELY he should have spoken up from jump and at least been friendly! I mean, who goes to a party and just sits there like a bump on a log??? That to me is wierd all in itself.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Exactly. I did not mean to make it sound like you had done something wrong, I think my first post came across that way. DEFINATELY he should have spoken up from jump and at least been friendly! I mean, who goes to a party and just sits there like a bump on a log??? That to me is wierd all in itself.

 

I agree, Shelly! The hosts at this party are super-friendly as are most people there. Nobody needs to sit in the corner like a bump on a log, with their butt glued to the chair. Heck, I move around all evening at these parties just to be friendly and hopefully make people feel welcome....and that's in 5" heels, which is work after a few hours. He could get up on his loafers and move around, if he was inclined!

[ShellyM 0]

Heck, I move around all evening at these parties just to be friendly and hopefully make people feel welcome....and that's in 5" heels, which is work after a few hours.

 

Holy crap, 5 inch heels!

You GO GIRL! Man, I think I'm doing good in 3 inch heels lol.

[Tybee Swing 286]

LOL!!! That's why I needed to go lay down on a bed at this party. Yeah, that's it. My feet were tired.

[NandTfromCA 84]

...I would ask her some curious questions, but didn't get much of an answer...

Sorry for missing that you already stated that. Anyhow, maybe she was tight lipped because she knows he's a buzz-kill.

(if she was married to him, we wouldn't say that)

[Tybee Swing 286]

LOL!!! His laziness may make him the buzz-kill for her...and perhaps she was thinking she was going to try to have her fun at the party while she could!

 

[Guest Annaiis]

If you were in my shoes in this scenario, what would you have done?

Hindsight is always 20/20 and sometimes in life things DO happen very quickly and you just have to do what feels right at that instant.

 

I think you handled the situation perfectly. It's creepy for a guy to lurk around and then just horn in when you're in the middle of a scene without CLEARLY being invited to join in. Unfortunately I've experienced almost the exact same situation. In my opinion, he barely deserves social pleasantries from you, let alone sex.

 

As for how to handle the situation from this point on, if SHE's the one contacting you, I'd tell her exactly how you feel and why, and that if she's allowed to play alone, that you'd love to play with her, but otherwise, you'll have to say no. If HE's the one contacting you, I'd tell him, "sorry, we're not interested".

 

Annaiis

[ShellyM 0]

LOL!!! His laziness may make him the buzz-kill for her...and perhaps she was thinking she was going to try to have her fun at the party while she could!

 

 

All joking aside though girl, if you plan on playing with her I would talk to her first...especially since you are so turned off by her husband or SO or whoever he is to her. I am SURE you are not the first woman to have felt this way....Also though, if her husband is like this (giving him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he was tired or in a bad mood....but STAY HOME! lol) all of the time she needs to sit and talk with him, explaining that people are not comfortable with this kind of behavior.

Anyways, best of luck at your next party! And wear comfortable shoes!

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

Exactly. I did not mean to make it sound like you had done something wrong, I think my first post came across that way. DEFINATELY he should have spoken up from jump and at least been friendly! I mean, who goes to a party and just sits there like a bump on a log??? That to me is wierd all in itself.

 

Uhhh I do. It's wierd I agree. How can a tall, attractive, muscular, black man with a thick 8 inch dick, (shameless advertisement plug) that loves to be in orgies and walk around naked in a room full of complete strangers, be so damned anti-social?

 

I guess I'm more action oriented. I approach swing parties and clubs for what they are. Swing parties and clubs. We can sit and chat about "vanilla" life in a bowling alley or Starbucks. But at a swingers function my mind completely in the gutter.

[ShellyM 0]

Uhhh I do. It's wierd I agree. How can a tall, attractive, muscular, black man with a thick 8 inch dick, (shameless advertisement plug) that loves to be in orgies and walk around naked in a room full of complete strangers, be so damned anti-social?

 

I guess I'm more action oriented. I approach swing parties and clubs for what they are. Swing parties and clubs. We can sit and chat about "vanilla" life in a bowling alley or Starbucks. But at a swingers function my mind completely in the gutter.

 

I can understand that, and its not so much talking about the weather. To me it would be important to at least meet you for a moment and find out your likes and dislikes. I just cannot literally jump into bed with someone I said "hi, how are you" to, but didn't talk to at all. But, thats just me. I still hold true to my belief that the gentleman should have made his intentions known more.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

True he should have said that he had hopes of joining later.

 

And I don't mean to sound like I just wait for the action to start and then do whatever I can get away with. I will ask questions about what she likes, how she likes it, etc. But I'm not into the conversations about kids, politics, sports, or any other time consuming conversations. We're there for a reason, let's make it happen.

[ShellyM 0]

True he should have said that he had hopes of joining later.

 

And I don't mean to sound like I just wait for the action to start and then do whatever I can get away with. I will ask questions about what she likes, how she likes it, etc. But I'm not into the conversations about kids, politics, sports, or any other time consuming conversations. We're there for a reason, let's make it happen.

 

Alright, a man of ACTION!

[Tybee Swing 286]

Uhhh I do. It's wierd I agree. How can a tall, attractive, muscular, black man with a thick 8 inch dick, (shameless advertisement plug) that loves to be in orgies and walk around naked in a room full of complete strangers, be so damned anti-social?

 

I guess I'm more action oriented. I approach swing parties and clubs for what they are. Swing parties and clubs. We can sit and chat about "vanilla" life in a bowling alley or Starbucks. But at a swingers function my mind completely in the gutter.

 

Hi cuzzeyesaidso,

 

Do you mean that you just sit and watch, you don't mingle, talk, smile, and flirt with people? I think I'm like most women in that if a man is just sitting and watching all night, making no efforts and then expects sex, I'm likely not going to me interested. Men who just sit and stare give off the creepy vibe.

 

Men who are friendly, warm, charming, funny, smiling, mingling, dancing....those are considered sexy. Friendly men are magnets for most women, regardless of the size of their dick. I'm attracted to tall, muscular, attractive and fit men. But personally, I'd jump on a man that was fun and friendly, but a little less good-looking, than the tall hunk in the corner who's just sitting alone and leering all night. No offense intended, but this is the way many women see it. Regards.

[Additude 457]

I think this is the mistake that was made. Having let him go down on you, he assumed you would return the favor. It's an assumption that shouldn't be made, but it very commonly is.

 

Had you pushed him away at the time, he probably would have gotten the hint and just sat and watched as was dicussed that he would. If he didn't get the hint and you weren't comfortable having him join in, then it would have been time to stop things and return to the party.

 

 

Teresa

 

I think this is the best advise.

 

Once you let him get involved by going down on you then it would be normal to him to consider you would return the favor.

 

Maybe at first you should have just said, "You have to go back over there, your job is just to watch".

[Tybee Swing 286]

Yes, as I've agreed a few times in this thread, telling him immediately that I didn't want that would have been the thing to do. I should have pushed him away the moment he started maneuvering.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Yes, as I've agreed a few times in this thread, telling him immediately that I didn't want that would have been the thing to do. I should have pushed him away the moment he started maneuvering.

 

But apparently, we'll keep telling you

 

You have to admit, though... You are pretty tempting... You'd probably have to beat me away with a stick - or just toss bananas to distract me.

 

Though, honestly, I am not sure even a banana would distract me from that cute tattoo. You could try, though...

 

 

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing 286]

LOL! Thanks, Spoo! If you and Mrs. Spoo were at that party, I have no doubt that you would have been friendly, not just sitting on your monkey tail in the corner all night. And, had you asked, you wouldn't have to ask me twice!

 

I'm glad to hear that about the tattoo. I wondered after I got it if people would be turned-off by it. Not worried really, just wondering. By the comments so far, maybe it won't be a turn-off.

[Spoomonkey 421]

LOL! Thanks, Spoo! If you and Mrs. Spoo were at that party, I have no doubt that you would have been friendly, not just sitting on your monkey tail in the corner all night. And, had you asked, you wouldn't have to ask me twice!

 

I am a bit too ADD to sit in a corner for long. And I do know what "just watch" means... Though, you wouldn't have heard that from me

 

I'd have been fairly up front with my smitten-ness.

 

I'm glad to hear that about the tattoo. I wondered after I got it if people would be turned-off by it. Not worried really, just wondering. By the comments so far, maybe it won't be a turn-off.

 

No way. It is subtle, suggestive and smart. It is definitely one of my favorites that has been posted - and there is some really good "ink" on the board!

 

Of course - you are in Georgia - and I am not sure how that plays in the Bible belt. It'd play here... Boy would it

 

Spoomonkey

[Additude 457]

Yes, as I've agreed a few times in this thread, telling him immediately that I didn't want that would have been the thing to do. I should have pushed him away the moment he started maneuvering.

Sorry,

 

Just dropping my two cents on the floor.

[Tybee Swing 286]

No problem, 'tude!

[Guest gravyshake]

He was out of order on that one. This guy sounds like a bit of a weasel to me and he appears to have shown his level of respect for women. It amazes me that he thought that he had the right to touch you without any prior conversation in regards to the matter. Thanks to his insensitive and borish behavior, he ruined the fun that three people were having (with his permission.)

This man is a pig and you should avoid any contact with him in the future even if that means not seeing his girlfriend any longer. He'll always act like that no matter what rules are presented ahead of time.

[friskymonkey 15]

I gotta agree that he's a weaseler. He made an assumption that wasn't accurate. I'd be straight with them and if she wants to play alone, bravo!

 

Once I "went with the flow" and let a woman go down on me at a party when I really wasn't into it. I'm one of those people (sue me!) that needs to have some kind of connection with the other person before I engage in play. But this particular time I was having great hot sex with my husband and a strange woman came up and wanted to and my husband was so turned on by it that I, like you, made that split second decision, or lack of one. I didn't exactly say yes but I didn't say no either. And then after she went down on me for a few seconds I skeeved out and sat up. I've cringed about it ever since but it helped me learn that, for me, sex isn't about being a good sport and hoping my desires will catch up to everyone else's.