Are couples just looking for bi females ruining things?

FloridaFlirt · October 13, 2006

Hi y'all...I help manage the membership for a local swing group made up of couples, single women and a very few select single men.

Lately, the couples that have been wanting membership are only looking for other bi females to play with rather than doing soft or full swap with another couple. This has made some of the men in our group rather grumpy, saying that a bi female who will ONLY play with other women is as bad as a single man in a swinging group.

I'm trying to find a suitable solution to this problem. Should I start screening each couple to find out what they are looking for, then accept or reject them based on that? Should I only let couples in that have a female who is willing to play with men as well as women?

I also have the same issue with some couples only playing with each other.....which makes me wonder WHY they want to be in a lifestyle group at all.....

I would appreciate any feedback you can give me on this.

Thanks in advance!

Chicup · October 13, 2006

As bad no, but annoying as hell for those of us who are into full swap.

cuzzeyesaidso · October 13, 2006

Well if she's a BI female then she obviously plays with both men and women. Maybe I'm not understanding something.

ShellyM · October 13, 2006

I have no idea what a good solution for this is. I am surprised, because most of the bi-women we have run into really enjoy couples, but perhaps I am lucky...you know, since we aren't really looking for unicorns we stumble over them all of the time lol. If we were looking for one we wouldn't be able to find them for the life of me. I don't know, perhaps screen exactly what they are looking for and put it out there so couples know right off of the bat that she is looking for female or male companionship only.

FloridaFlirt · October 13, 2006

Well if she's a BI female then she obviously plays with both men and women. Maybe I'm not understanding something.

I should clarify: These are women (usually the woman in a couple) that will not play with other men, just other women. But she will play with her male partner. In other words, couples that are only looking for another female but not another couple or another guy.

Many of our couples that come into the group don't play together in the same room--alot of them go pick a partner and go off with them. So the women that come that only play with other women suck up all the females in the group and leave NONE for the men.

Am I making sense?

NandTfromCA · October 13, 2006

As bad no, but annoying as hell for those of us who are into full swap.

Dito

Screening for preference makes sense. If you have a bunch of couples who are primarily looking for MFM, then you can allow more single men in. If you have more who are looking for FF, then more girl/girl only women. If you have many men that want to actual play with other women, you should probably make sure there are plenty of women who want to play with other men.

A party is only as good as the sum of all the parts. If the math isn't working, the party probably wont either.

FloridaFlirt · October 13, 2006

I have no idea what a good solution for this is. I am surprised, because most of the bi-women we have run into really enjoy couples, but perhaps I am lucky...you know, since we aren't really looking for unicorns we stumble over them all of the time lol. If we were looking for one we wouldn't be able to find them for the life of me. I don't know, perhaps screen exactly what they are looking for and put it out there so couples know right off of the bat that she is looking for female or male companionship only.

My partner and I were discussing this very thing--screening couples to find out what they are looking for, then based on their answer, giving them membership. We already do this with single guys "Sorry, but we are not accepting single men for membership at this time."

It is so difficult to keep everyone happy....

ShellyM · October 13, 2006

FloridaFlirt said:

My partner and I were discussing this very thing--screening couples to find out what they are looking for, then based on their answer, giving them membership. We already do this with single guys "Sorry, but we are not accepting single men for membership at this time."

It is so difficult to keep everyone happy....

And the first rule girl: You will NEVER make everyone happy.

So, try to do your best for the majority of the people, and keep that in mind. People will complain no matter what you do.

But yeah, if a lady is looking for female only play I would put that on there....that saves her from wasting her time as well, since it must be frustrating to them as well.

JustAskJulie · October 13, 2006

Who are you trying to please? The single males? The couples who only want full swap? As many people as possible? Perhaps what you need to do is try to remind all of these people that everyone is into swinging for different reasons and looking for different things and with that in mind everyone is welcome (assuming you allow everyone). If a couple or a single comes to the party that doesn't want to do certain things then hopefully they will find another couple or single who is looking for the same thing they are, if they don't oh well. I don't think it's your job as a host to try to play match-maker and ensure that every person or couple who shows up is going to have another single or couple there that matches their interests. Even if you tried you couldn't do it - just because their interests matched wouldn't ensure that they actually hit it off and wanted to play.

FloridaFlirt · October 13, 2006

ShellyM said:

And the first rule girl: You will NEVER make everyone happy.

So, try to do your best for the majority of the people, and keep that in mind. People will complain no matter what you do.

But yeah, if a lady is looking for female only play I would put that on there....that saves her from wasting her time as well, since it must be frustrating to them as well.

Apparently they aren't TOO frustrated--they are getting more pussy than the guys!!

Thanks for your help, Shelly!

ShellyM · October 13, 2006

FloridaFlirt said:

Apparently they aren't TOO frustrated--they are getting more pussy than the guys!!

Girl, you are right! Jay has a lot of friends who are lesbians. His one friend told him and his braggart male friends that if they went out in one night together she would take home more women than THEY would!

And you know, I believe her!

FloridaFlirt · October 13, 2006

JustAskJulie said:

Who are you trying to please? The single males? The couples who only want full swap? As many people as possible? Perhaps what you need to do is try to remind all of these people that everyone is into swinging for different reasons and looking for different things and with that in mind everyone is welcome (assuming you allow everyone). If a couple or a single comes to the party that doesn't want to do certain things then hopefully they will find another couple or single who is looking for the same thing they are, if they don't oh well. I don't think it's your job as a host to try to play match-maker and ensure that every person or couple who shows up is going to have another single or couple there that matches their interests. Even if you tried you couldn't do it - just because their interests matched wouldn't ensure that they actually hit it off and wanted to play.

I was mostly trying to please the coupled men who are feeling left out (my own partner, for example) because the other women only want to play with other women.

I know it is unrealistic for me to try and please everyone, but when one of the affected ones sleeps in my bed at night it is a bit hard to ignore. And it is not just him, it is other coupled men being left by the wayside as their women go off to get pussy.

I wonder if I threw a FEMALES ONLY party every once in awhile if that would help things? Or would it add more fuel to the fire?

This is a GREAT discussion, BTW!

Chicup · October 14, 2006

I don't have an answer for you, but we have seen more of this lately at the clubs we go to, some nights it seems like the club is overrun with them. And I agree, it is no fun for the full swap couples or couples with a straight female like us. Usually with these couples thier husband won't play with women that aren't bi either, so then their is no one for either of us to hook up with.

I think its become the 'norm' in our age range right now.

ShellyM · October 14, 2006

I wonder if I threw a FEMALES ONLY party every once in awhile if that would help things? Or would it add more fuel to the fire?

This is a GREAT discussion, BTW!

Well, it can't hurt!! Nothing like a girl's night out, I LOVE those!

FloridaFlirt · October 14, 2006

My fear is that the women who will only play with women will cause the straight men and women to stop coming. Then all the parties will be just a big lezfest. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Additude · October 15, 2006

Hummmm,

If you have a small membership then you run that risk. Every club has the same problem, what offsets it is the number of people.

How about having a "No Bi" night as well as a "Bi" night?

Of course you could tell all the guys to stop complaining and get with the program and get Bi heheheheh.

Sweet_Candy · October 15, 2006

My fear is that the women who will only play with women will cause the straight men and women to stop coming. Then all the parties will be just a big lezfest. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Been reading this and shaking my head and wondering where and when did swinging become so rampant with married lesbians? We have seen this scenario in the clubs and the house parties we've been too and have wondered is it worth it to stay in the lifestyle with so few couples actually swapping? Would go as far to say it is the majority in the lifestyle in our area.

October 15, 2006

I was mostly trying to please the coupled men who are feeling left out (my own partner, for example) because the other women only want to play with other women.

So you (and all those other women with partners who are feeling left out) are leaving him sitting on the sidelines while you go off and play with other women??

There's no reason why you can't, and in fact I think you SHOULD, flirt/dance/play with your OWN partner at a swingers club. It can serve two purposes 1) it will make your partner happy because he loves flirting/dancing/playing with you whether or not he ends up playing with anyone else (right?) and 2) it will show those other women by example just how hot and sexy and a turn-on your partner is, and that in itself can attract other women's attention. What my husband and I have found is that the more WE enjoy ourselves as a couple (making sure to appear open to others "joining" us of course), the more attention we BOTH get from everyone.

Annaiis

HappyPeople · October 15, 2006

Although we're a bi/bi couple, we're getting bored of all the "play with ladies only" couples. We've recently decided that we're doing no more of the ladies play without full swap.

Tybee Swing · October 15, 2006

Hi y'all...I help manage the membership for a local swing group made up of couples, single women and a very few select single men.

Lately, the couples that have been wanting membership are only looking for other bi females to play with rather than doing soft or full swap with another couple. This has made some of the men in our group rather grumpy, saying that a bi female who will ONLY play with other women is as bad as a single man in a swinging group.

Hi FloridaFlirt, the first thought that came to my mind is that many, many couples who are new in swinging are looking for this, at first. They're usually looking for a woman to have a FMF threesome with, for the woman to explore her bisexual curiosity with. I see nothing wrong with this, but it does tend to be an early phase. It was the first phase for my hubby and I, too. Then, the couple discovers how incredibly hard it is to find attractive single females for a threesome, and they move on to couples.

There might be swingers who stick with this as their one-and-only choice in swinging, too. I've seen lots of profiles written something like this: "We are looking only for WOMEN. I already have a man who is great, so I don't need that." Again, this is reflective of the idea that they're just trying to explore her bisexuality and/or have a threesome, nothing more. I think very often it's the husbands in these cases don't want another man on their wife, any more than she wants another man other than her husband. Does that make sense?

This has made some of the men in our group rather grumpy, saying that a bi female who will ONLY play with other women is as bad as a single man in a swinging group.

I don't get this, because your group does have single men allowed there. And the husbands in this group think this is a bad thing? I believe there is room for all sorts of preferences in swingers' clubs/groups. Variety is the spice of life, and there are many styles in swinging. I think that husbands complaining about a couple looking only for FMF threesomes sounds like sour grapes. They saw a woman, they wanted her, she didn't happen to want them, so they're making bitter comments. "Rejection" is just something to learn to accept in swinging, and move on maturely to the couples that are there to swap.

I also have the same issue with some couples only playing with each other.....which makes me wonder WHY they want to be in a lifestyle group at all.....

I don't see anything wrong with exhibitionist couples. Some don't want to play with others for a variety of reasons. For one, it's 100% safe sex to only have contact with your own partner. They love the openly sexual atmosphere without wanting to get into the pile. I get it, why some couples would be into this. This doesn't offend me, either. I like watching others have sex. I like having sex with my own husband at swing clubs. We do have sex with others too (provided we've met a couple that we BOTH are interested in). But personally I wouldn't have and don't have a problem with couples that have sex only with their own partner, being in the mix.

I'm trying to find a suitable solution to this problem. Should I start screening each couple to find out what they are looking for, then accept or reject them based on that? Should I only let couples in that have a female who is willing to play with men as well as women?
I would appreciate any feedback you can give me on this.

Thanks in advance!

I think it's not a bad idea at all to ask what people are looking for when you're interviewing them for membership. But, no, I wouldn't accept or reject them based on it, unless just about everyone coming in wasn't going to mix sexually with others.

The on-premise club we've been to has name tags with stickers. The name tag accomplishes several things. For one, your partner's name is on your name tag, in smaller print, so others can tell right away who you're there with. There are colored stickers on your name tag, too...as many stickers as the individual chooses to put on. The stickers mean different things and are easily identifiable by the members there. One means bi, another means straight, one means soft swing only, one means full swing, another means no-swing (maybe they're just getting started, need to get familiar first, or maybe they're an exhibitionist couple/no swap). The sticker system tells everybody at a glance, with the first hello, what each individual is into. A gold star sticker means it's the couple's first visit to the club. Would that help you out?

Let us know what you do and what works!

Chicup · October 15, 2006

Been reading this and shaking my head and wondering where and when did swinging become so rampant with married lesbians? We have seen this scenario in the clubs and the house parties we've been too and have wondered is it worth it to stay in the lifestyle with so few couples actually swapping? Would go as far to say it is the majority in the lifestyle in our area.

Dito

Its become annoying to the point we don't bother much anymore. It seems the majority of swinging in our age range (30's) is the married lesbian group.

Pepper & Drew · October 15, 2006

Dito

Its become annoying to the point we don't bother much anymore. It seems the majority of swinging in our age range (30's) is the married lesbian group.

Really? I daresay I don't know a single just-want-the-ladies-to-play couple. Hmmmm....I'll have to start paying more attention.

Pepper

Chicup · October 15, 2006

Really? I daresay I don't know a single just-want-the-ladies-to-play couple. Hmmmm....I'll have to start paying more attention.

Pepper

Could be location, could just be the crowd, but we see a ton of it here.

Spoomonkey · October 15, 2006

Chicup said:

Could be location, could just be the crowd, but we see a ton of it here.

We see it too... It is weird how cultures differ from region to region.

October 15, 2006

It's very prevalent here too.

WildMiCouple · October 15, 2006

Chicup said:

Could be location, could just be the crowd, but we see a ton of it here.

We don't see it as much around here. Although we run into many couples with the wife bi, most of these women enjoy full swap. But then, it could be our 40's age group too

Tybee Swing · October 15, 2006

WildMiCouple said:

We don't see it as much around here. Although we run into many couples with the wife bi, most of these women enjoy full swap. But then, it could be our 40's age group too

Us, too. We're also in our 40's and most of our contacts are about mid-30's and up. We've rarely seen this "married lesbian" thing that people are talking about.

There was one house party one time that was all just girl/girl flirt stuff and nothing else going on, though. Got boring to us. What we did about it: hubby and I started going at it with each other! That seemed to get things moving along. Later, there was more hetero stuff going on.

Maybe if the party or club is boring people with the kind of activity (or lack thereof) going on, it's time for them to take the reigns and just get the party started!

sexy_fl_cpl · October 16, 2006

We're in that dreaded category right now. I've never been with a woman, but I'd love to. I also love the idea of seeing the Mr. with someone else, but a woman only. The thought of seeing him with another man totally turns me off, as does the thought of having another man on me. There's no way that the Mr. would go for me being with another man. In a way I think it's a tad bit selfish, but then again I don't want to do it anyways so it's not like I asked him and he said no.

I don't think we'd want to have an ongoing "relationship" with someone. I just want to try it once and get it out of my system LOL. But I do love the swinger's club atmosphere, so I'd like to keep going. I guess you could say we're in the other dreaded category. The ones that go and only play with each other. It just does so much for us sexually. We go and get all charged up, then have an amazing night of sex. It's totally safe, and a lot of fun!

Anyways, I've pretty much come to the realization that a 3some isn't going to happen. I find that most swingers are couples and I don't think it's fair to say "hey, will you let us go and have fun with your woman while you sit on the sidelines?" I'm waiting for the moment that we find that single female, but I know it will probably be a while

FloridaFlirt · October 17, 2006

Annaiis said:

So you (and all those other women with partners who are feeling left out) are leaving him sitting on the sidelines while you go off and play with other women??

There's no reason why you can't, and in fact I think you SHOULD, flirt/dance/play with your OWN partner at a swingers club. It can serve two purposes:

1) it will make your partner happy because he loves flirting/dancing/playing with you whether or not he ends up playing with anyone else (right?) and

2) it will show those other women by example just how hot and sexy and a turn-on your partner is, and that in itself can attract other women's attention. What my husband and I have found is that the more WE enjoy ourselves as a couple (making sure to appear open to others "joining" us of course), the more attention we BOTH get from everyone.

First of all...I do not leave my partner to go play with other women. I'm more of a "showcase bisexual", meaning I'll play with women for the enjoyment of my partner. We do as much playing together as we do going our separate ways at a party. With our group it is easy to go our own ways and feel very safe.

I agree with you in that if you want things to get going, start it yourself....

FloridaFlirt · October 17, 2006

Tybee Swing said:

Hi FloridaFlirt, the first thought that came to my mind is that many, many couples who are new in swinging are looking for this, at first. They're usually looking for a woman to have a FMF threesome with, for the woman to explore her bisexual curiosity with. I see nothing wrong with this, but it does tend to be an early phase. It was the first phase for my hubby and I, too. Then, the couple discovers how incredibly hard it is to find attractive single females for a threesome, and they move on to couples.

There might be swingers who stick with this as their one-and-only choice in swinging, too. I've seen lots of profiles written something like this: "We are looking only for WOMEN. I already have a man who is great, so I don't need that." Again, this is reflective of the idea that they're just trying to explore her bisexuality and/or have a threesome, nothing more. I think very often it's the husbands in these cases don't want another man on their wife, any more than she wants another man other than her husband. Does that make sense?

I don't get this, because your group does have single men allowed there. And the husbands in this group think this is a bad thing? I believe there is room for all sorts of preferences in swingers' clubs/groups. Variety is the spice of life, and there are many styles in swinging. I think that husbands complaining about a couple looking only for FMF threesomes sounds like sour grapes. They saw a woman, they wanted her, she didn't happen to want them, so they're making bitter comments. "Rejection" is just something to learn to accept in swinging, and move on maturely to the couples that are there to swap.

I don't see anything wrong with exhibitionist couples. Some don't want to play with others for a variety of reasons. For one, it's 100% safe sex to only have contact with your own partner. They love the openly sexual atmosphere without wanting to get into the pile. I get it, why some couples would be into this. This doesn't offend me, either. I like watching others have sex. I like having sex with my own husband at swing clubs. We do have sex with others too (provided we've met a couple that we BOTH are interested in). But personally I wouldn't have and don't have a problem with couples that have sex only with their own partner, being in the mix.

I think it's not a bad idea at all to ask what people are looking for when you're interviewing them for membership. But, no, I wouldn't accept or reject them based on it, unless just about everyone coming in wasn't going to mix sexually with others.

The on-premise club we've been to has name tags with stickers. The name tag accomplishes several things. For one, your partner's name is on your name tag, in smaller print, so others can tell right away who you're there with. There are colored stickers on your name tag, too...as many stickers as the individual chooses to put on. The stickers mean different things and are easily identifiable by the members there. One means bi, another means straight, one means soft swing only, one means full swing, another means no-swing (maybe they're just getting started, need to get familiar first, or maybe they're an exhibitionist couple/no swap). The sticker system tells everybody at a glance, with the first hello, what each individual is into. A gold star sticker means it's the couple's first visit to the club. Would that help you out?

Let us know what you do and what works!

There are lots of good things in your post, but I just want to highlight a couple of them.

1. I personally dont have a problem with no swap people, as long as they don;t make up the majority in the group (which they do not).

2. It is possible that the men that are complaining are not getting any results. However, mypartner makes a good point: If a couple comes there, and only the wife gets any playtime with anyone, why would he want to come back?

3. The name tag idea sounds great! We had considered buying some of the colored bracelets that identify people as well. The name tags may be cheaper!

Thanks for your great ideas!

FloridaFlirt · October 17, 2006

We're in that dreaded category right now. I've never been with a woman, but I'd love to. I also love the idea of seeing the Mr. with someone else, but a woman only. The thought of seeing him with another man totally turns me off, as does the thought of having another man on me. There's no way that the Mr. would go for me being with another man. In a way I think it's a tad bit selfish, but then again I don't want to do it anyways so it's not like I asked him and he said no.

I don't think we'd want to have an ongoing "relationship" with someone. I just want to try it once and get it out of my system LOL. But I do love the swinger's club atmosphere, so I'd like to keep going. I guess you could say we're in the other dreaded category. The ones that go and only play with each other. It just does so much for us sexually. We go and get all charged up, then have an amazing night of sex. It's totally safe, and a lot of fun!

Anyways, I've pretty much come to the realization that a 3some isn't going to happen. I find that most swingers are couples and I don't think it's fair to say "hey, will you let us go and have fun with your woman while you sit on the sidelines?" I'm waiting for the moment that we find that single female, but I know it will probably be a while

Let me clarify something with everyone who has been following this thread. The group I am speaking of is not a "club" per se...it is a private group that advertises mostly by word of mouth. We are not commerical in any way. although I handle the membership, the guidelines I use were set up by the owners of the group. There have been times where the group owners asked me to give membership to someone I normally wouldnt have, like single guys.

Anyway, you are not in a "dreaded" group! You are who you are, and you shouldnt change that for anyone.

Tybee Swing · October 17, 2006

The nametag idea sounds great! We had considered buying some of the colored bracelets that identify people as well. The nametags may be cheaper!
Thanks for your great ideas!

You're welcome! I can't take credit for it, I'm just passing along what this really cool and well-organized club in NC does.

The nametags are the typical business-card sized ones, plain white. They're printed on the computer ahead of time for members who have confirmed they'll be there. Your first name (or chosen nickname) is printed large and centered. In smaller print underneath, your partner's first name is printed. If you're a single, there's no additional name listed (which tells everybody at a glance that you're single). They use clear plastic clip-on name badge holders for the nametags, to just clip on your clothes. If you're wearing as little as a g-string, you can attach your nametag.

At the door when you get there, there's a table where you pick up your badge right after sign-in (they're very organized there). On the badge table are sheets of plain colored circle stickers, like these: http://www.buyonlinenow.com/search.asp?keyword=avery+color+coding+label&source=aw

One of the members tells you what each color means in their club, such as bi, straight, full swap, etc. You pick as many or as few colored stickers as you want, and put them on your nametag. Stickers are optional. As I said before, a shiny gold star sticker is for first-time visitors. This alerts regular members to be extra-friendly and welcoming to the gold star people, to be helpful and make sure they're attended to. It's a simple system, it's very inexpensive, and very effective! The one badge tells you so many important things about people with just a glance.

Pepper & Drew · October 17, 2006

Us, too. We're also in our 40's and most of our contacts are about mid-30's and up. We've rarely seen this "married lesbian" thing that people are talking about.

There was one houseparty one time that was all just girl/girl flirt stuff and nothing else going on, though. Got boring to us. What we did about it: hubby and I started going at it with each other! That seemed to get things moving along. Later, there was more hetero stuff going on.

Maybe if the party or club is boring people with the kind of activity (or lack thereof) going on, it's time for them to take the reigns and just get the party started!

Well Spoo, Chicup, Annaiis...it's official. Y'all just have to move to the tri-state area (GA, FL, AL)

Seriously, now that you mention it, we saw a lot of that when we visited our friends in New Jersey and went to parties in NYC. It seemed like everybody just wanted to take pictures of the girls kissing each other or flashing. Think: Girls Gone Wild without the video cameras. I didn't get it...

Pepper

Tybee Swing · October 18, 2006

LOL! Maybe there's something to that, Pepper.

Y'all come on down yonder, where the girls like the BOYS, too! facelick

EvilMJ · October 18, 2006

Don't lose hope sexy_fl_cpl , it can happen.

I have been known to be a part of a threesome with a few couples. In one case depending on which hubby is busy..etc. we just switch. One time I will be the third for them, and one time she will be the third for us. And sometimes we all play together...it just seems to be an agreement we all can live with.

There is another couple that I join as a third once in a while (the whole situation is complicated as they are a part of a poly quad, but two of them still swing...makes the head hurt). Hubby likes them, and doesn't mind. But it is not every night, just once in a while at a party, especially if he is busy with someone else (like the wife of the first couple).

It only happens with a rare couple, that we all agree on it, and everyone is comfortable.

For me it can be difficult if other couples find out that I have played separately, they just assume that I would do the same for them. Which is certainly not the case.

wifes_sex_slave · October 20, 2006

The club that we belong to does NOT let in any single men, but I don't think that would fix the issue. The issue here is that the ladies who only want ladies and not the partners are being selfish. As the male side of the "partnership", that would bother me a bit (I love the woman on woman) but I would feel left out.

I don't think the owness should be put on you as the host. You are giving "us" an opportunity to play "well" with others.

I believe that the responsibility in this situation would be to the "couple". If she is not willing to play with the partner of the female, then the female should be telling the "single woman" to keep looking. If there were enough couples in the club to hold to this, then the single female would not have as much choice and may consider changing her ways.

In short my wife would tell her "if it does not include my husband, I'm not interested", and single girl would then have to make her choices.

richdon03 · October 20, 2006

Been reading this and shaking my head and wondering where and when did swinging become so rampant with married lesbians? We have seen this scenario in the clubs and the house parties we've been too and have wondered is it worth it to stay in the lifestyle with so few couples actually swapping? Would go as far to say it is the majority in the lifestyle in our area.

Thank you for calling them what they are: Married Lesbians. My wife is straight. Trying to find couples with straight women these days is VERY tough, especially for newbies.

ACNJ Couple · October 20, 2006

We started swinging to get closer to each other and enjoy our sexuality, together. If one of us is in a room with someone else and the other is sitting alone on a sofa waiting for the other to finish, that scene, in no way, serves any purpose to our marriage.

When a couple approaches us and asks for us to split up as a couple so that one of us can join the couple and leave the other aside (you can guess who the "other" is 95% of the time, we just say no.

We have no problem with bi women wanting only to be with other women, but, before she approaches a couple and tries to separate them for her own purposes (or the couple's purposes), she should ask herself why she is in the lifestyle and think that perhaps others have their own reasons for being in it as well. We never ask a couple to separate and we never will. It is rude. If a couple makes you aware they WANT to separate and party individually, THAT is another story, altogether.

discreetandsafe · October 20, 2006

Hi there- I am almost afraid to add my thoughts because I am actually married and my husband and I are not swinging but I would like extramarital sex-and I would like to be welcomed at a swing club for the men you speak about-BUT am well aware that this is considered cheating and I would not be welcome- IS this the case?

Chicup · October 20, 2006

BUT am well aware that this is considered cheating and I would not be welcome- IS this the case?

Well if your husband doesn't approve it IS cheating, nothing considered about it. As a rule you would not be welcome, but my guess is some couples are willing to look the other way more with a married female than a married male. Personally I'd be a lot more worried about a jealous husband than a jealous wife. Hell hath no fury and all that but a jealous wife seems to know to shot the husband, a jealous husband tends to shot both.

bill&sabrina · October 20, 2006

It isn't your place to stand up for spineless men. All you can do is not leave your husband out. The other men that are getting left out need to speak up. If they want more than to sit and wait, veto any playing period. That is what I think the problem is. I'm not shy about telling anyone I am part of the package, or you don't get the package.

ShellyM · October 21, 2006

It isn't your place to stand up for spineless men. All you can do is not leave your husband out. The other men that are getting left out need to speak up. If they want more than to sit and wait, veto any playing period. That is what I think the problem is. I'm not shy about telling anyone I am part of the package, or you don't get the package.

I have to say I agree. I'll be honest, and I don't think this is very PC....so please be gentle when you flame the living shit out of me. But in my personal experience (and I am NOT talking about all swingers in north america, only those I have had personal experience with) I have found many women who are pretty darned selfish. I had a woman tell me just the other day that it didn't matter what her husband wanted, because "its all about me, anyways"....that REALLY turned me off to her. I see this alot in profiles, the "its all about me" attitude. I come from the old school I guess, I just believe that a man loves being made love to as much as a woman does, and if you make love to him he in turn returns the favor and you have a great sexual experience. I think that alot of people see men (including married men) as either a hindrance in the way of screwing the wife or just a tool for her to have an orgasm. I think that is sad, but true. With us, either we both play or neither of us plays, plain and simple.

Sweet_Candy · October 21, 2006

I have found many women who are pretty darned selfish. I had a woman tell me just the other day that it didn't matter what her husband wanted, because "its all about me, anyways"....that REALLY turned me off to her. I see this alot in profiles, the "its all about me" attitude. I come from the old school I guess, I just believe that a man loves being made love to as much as a woman does, and if you make love to him he in turn returns the favor and you have a great sexual experience. I think that alot of people see men (including married men) as either a hindrance in the way of screwing the wife or just a tool for her to have an orgasm. I think that is sad, but true. With us, either we both play or neither of us plays, plain and simple.

Shelly we need more women with your attitude in the Lifestyle.

clecouple · October 23, 2006

I wouldn't mind coming home and finding my wife playing with another lovely female and they didn't want me to join in, But if we're at a club or at home and we are all naked then we all should have some fun! I agree if the girl just wanted to play with my wife it would be just like another guy there. I would be wanting to be sucked so bad or wanting to lick the other girl because she is there. I might "get blue" if you know what I mean! Of course, if another guy is there I can concentrate on my wife and not feel like I'm getting cheated because only my wife is licking me. facelick

SexyDeuce · October 25, 2006

We are full swap couple and both of us are very straight. The problems we've run into with bisexual women are that they are pushy and don't seem to understand what the words "I'm straight" mean when my wife says it ...

dayhiker · October 26, 2006

Well, this has been an interesting read. It looks like even in swinger where I've thought people must be pretty giving there is selfishness. One of the general themes I've read about woman is if a man gives a lot to her that she will just naturally give back to him.

It appears this isn't as true as people would like.

I also suppect that this bi thing is a phase that will change over time. Trouble is who konw if the change will be for the better or the worse. I'd like to see it that each partner looked out for the other. That's when I feel it works best.

dayhiker

FloridaFlirt · November 14, 2006

Well, this has been an interesting read. It looks like even in swinger where I've thought people must be pretty giving there is selfishness. One of the general themes I've read about woman is if a man gives a lot to her that she will just naturally give back to him.

It appears this isn't as true as people would like.

I also suppect that this bi thing is a phase that will change over time. Trouble is who konw if the change will be for the better or the worse. I'd like to see it that each partner looked out for the other. That's when I feel it works best.

dayhiker

Well said, Dayhiker!

28volts · November 15, 2006

Late comment but, that is why you need to just post on your profile what you are looking for.Everyone wants something different.As long as they do not enter or push themselves on us I have no problem. As for the single guys, sorry but if your not what she's looking for then oh well, and if she is looking to play with just the wife, sorry ain't going to happen here. It's as simple as that , tell them no. I read the profiles and screen them with bifem that love playing alone.Look only for couples that swap.Only other suggestion I have is, make another site that caters to bi women.

Tybee Swing · November 15, 2006

I'm kind of put off by the direction of this thread, a sort of bi-bashing. There's a stereotype being repeated here over and over that "bi women are pushy". Can't we at least say that some bi women are pushy, just as there are many straight men that are very pushy (both married and single), as well as people of other persuasions, too? I know plenty of extremely non-pushy bi women, including myself.

I also suppect that this bi thing is a phase that will change over time.

Yes, one day, we'll all go back into the closet and hide. For your information, many bi people have known they're attracted to their own sex, at least somewhat (many of us are more hetero than not), from a very early age. But sure, we'll just get over it someday. It's just a phase we're going through.

I read the profiles and screen them with bifem that love playing alone. Look only for couples that swap.

What do you do with a profile where the couple swap, and she may be interested in meeting a woman alone? Just because she may want to meet a woman alone from time to time (and her husband wants that for her, too), does not mean she's going to try to get your wife alone, especially if your wife is straight. Yes, you have the right to eliminate anybody you wish, but you might be eliminating very nice people who swap, just because she would sometimes enjoy the company of a reciprocating woman.

Only other suggestion I have is, make another site that caters to bi women.

I'm not sure I get what your joke means, but it sounds like you're saying, segregate the bi's off to their own website and leave you straights alone.

bill&sabrina · November 15, 2006

dayhiker said:

I also suspect that this bi thing is a phase that will change over time.

That sounds pretty general. It may be a phase for some, but not all. Believe it or not some of us actually like sex with the same sex.

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