Female on SLS went from sweet to mean!!!

[Taylor74 28]

I was initially contacted by a couple. The female made several nice comments about my picture, profile, etc. I responded with kind words and requested to see a picture of them, because all of their photos were set to "private." She sent me a picture and she was a relatively decent looking mature women, so I decided to continue chatting with her. I am not perfect, so I do not expect perfection from others. Anyway, it took her forever to send me a picture of herself and it was quite generic. But that's still OK. I actually prefer a clothed photo.

 

We then begin to talk further, but in order to get a better feel of her body-type, I asked to see another picture. Not explicit, though. Keep in mind that she saw a non-explicit photo of me (shirt off) and liked it. After I requested a picture of her (she ignored my first request) she started insulting me, she broke character rather quickly, and berated me for wanting a "perfect woman." But I never requested such a women, either to her directly or in my SLS profile. She called me a little boy .

 

Was I wrong? I just wanted to insure they we were all attracted to each other.

 

So glad I never met this women...

[Taylor74 28]

Thanks for everyone's input.

[tribbles 490]

Were you wrong? No

 

Was she nuts? Maybe...

 

I have a lot of distrust about online stuff and don't believe anything I'm told till I see it.

 

S

[Thrax 384]

I was initially contacted by a couple. The female made several nice comments about my picture, profile, etc. I responded with kind words and requested to see a picture of them, because all of their photos were set to "private." She sent me a picture and she was a relatively decent looking mature women, so I decided to continue chatting with her. I am not perfect, so I do not expect the same from others. Anyway, it took her forever to send my a picture of herself and it was quite generic. But that's still OK. I actually prefer a clothed photo.[/Quote]Okay, I understand what's going on here. So far, so good.

We then begin to talk further, but in order to get a better feel of her body-type, I asked to see another picture. Not explicit, though. Keep in mind that she saw a non-explicit photo of me (shirt off) and liked it. After I requested a picture of her (she ignored my first request) she started insulting me, she broke character rather quickly, and berated me for wanting a "perfect woman." But I never requested such a women, either to her directly or in my SLS profile. She called me a little boy .[/Quote]So you requested a second pic, right? She ignored your request, according to you, you asked at least once more, and for whatever reason she eventually got upset and then berated you. Correct?

Was I wrong? I just wanted to insure they we were all attracted to each other.

You have every right to try to ensure that you are attracted to her and vice versa. Unfortunately, from the information you provided here we don't know if you were in the right and she was in the wrong, she was in the right and you were in the wrong, or if there was just a failure to communicate. We don't know exactly what you said or how you said it, what she said, or how she said it, and how you both interpreted what was said. That's the problem with written communication. Because we don't have the extra clues of tone and body language, we can misinterpret what was typed. And what would seem perfectly normal in basic face-to-face conversation might come across as rude and impersonal online.

 

So glad I never met this women...

Well, just so you know, it might NOT have been a woman.

 

Thrax

[NJCouple 16]

We're very skeptical about people unwilling to share a few G pics and that send pics that do not really show what they look like. It usually means they are hiding something. I'm not particularly put off by someone overweight. It really depends on personality. I am, however, disgusted by liars. You did the right thing. There are plenty of great couples that get together with single males on occasion. No need to get into the theatrics. I put on our profile that G pics are required for any continued conversation or meet. Why waste everyone's time if there really is no interest. Regards, Sharon

[Taylor74 28]

Thanks, Thrax.

 

 

My tone, like all of my emails to this person, were respectful, non-pushy, and honest. She said because I requested to see a picture of her body, that I was automatically immature and that ONLY young guys make these requests. WTF! That's not true at all. She became extremely defensive at my request. This woman was complimenting me so much and was telling me all about herself. I used the terms "total attraction" and she flipped. I imagine she is very insecure about her body or something else? Who knows?

[Taylor74 28]

We're very skeptical about people unwilling to share a few G pics and that send pics that do not really show what they look like. It usually means they are hiding something. I'm not particularly put off by someone overweight. It really depends on personality. I am, however, disgusted by liars. You did the right thing. There are plenty of great couples that get together with single males on occasion. No need to get into the theatrics. I put on our profile that G pics are required for any continued conversation or meet. Why waste everyone's time if there really is no interest. Regards, Sharon

 

Exactly.

[Thrax 384]

Thanks for everyone's input.

You are quite welcome.

 

I hate to break this to you, but this is NOT a 24-hour swingers' helpline. Posters on this Board are here because we are interested in the topic of swinging. A lot of us post often, and some of us check the Board several times a day. However, a question might not be addressed within 24 hours -- or even 12 hours -- because others don't care to answer because the topic does not interest them, people might not be able to access the Board frequently, or potential posters are turned-off by the tone of the OP.

 

And after reading your second post on this thread, I wonder -- as I'm sure a few other regular posters here wonder -- exactly how you responded to that couple in your initial correspondence.

 

Single males have a hard enough time in the lifestyle. Are your actions helping or hindering the rest of us? Not a flame, I just wanna know.

 

Thrax

[Taylor74 28]

You are quite welcome.

 

I hate to break this to you, but this is NOT a 24-hour swingers' helpline. Posters on this Board are here because we are interested in the topic of swinging. A lot of us post often, and some of us check the Board several times a day. However, a question might not be addressed within 24 hours -- or even 12 hours -- because others don't care to answer because the topic does not interest them, people might not be able to access the Board frequently, or potential posters are turned-off by the tone of the OP.

 

And after reading your second post on this thread, I wonder -- as I'm sure a few other regular posters here wonder -- exactly how you responded to that couple in your initial correspondence.

 

Single males have a hard enough time in the lifestyle. Are your actions helping or hindering the rest of us?

 

Thrax

 

 

Wait a minute. I just thanked you for discussing this matter and you then respond with this? If you noticed, i used the smilies as sarcasm. I do understand how forums work. I'm a member of several. However, I thought someone may have had similar experiences and wouldn't mind responding. Whatever issues couples may have with single males, does NOT rest on my shoulders. And for you to flip it and to comment like that is silly. I've talked with several couples and met several couples and had a ball. The compliments on my behavior, demeanor, and personality are always good. So for you to assume that I caused this unstable "person" to lose it, is absolutely wrong.

[Guest MrsVan]

I have to agree that you were not in the wrong as she for whatever reason took the situation and turned it into a bad one. I agree that you have to have an attraction to the individual to see if you would be interested. If not, then you both move on. We have a couple we tried to meet up with that wanted to get to know us but their profile had no pics. The wife sent a pic of her and it was not a bad looking pic but we continued to ask for a pic of the husband and never got one. We every now and then get an email from them to see if we have an interest but I am not going to meet them without seeing if the husband is someone I would have an interest in.

 

I do not think you were in the wrong and agree that you should have every right to know what your getting yourself into.

 

MrsVan

[jennandjamesinm 87]

Wait a minute. I just thanked you for discussing this matter and you then respond with this? If you noticed, i used the smilies as sarcasm. I do understand how forums work. I'm a member of several. However, I thought someone may have had similar experiences and wouldn't mind responding. Whatever issues couples may have with single males, does NOT rest on my shoulders. And for you to flip it and to comment like that is silly. I've talked with several couples and met several couples and had a ball. The compliments on my behavior, demeanor, and personality are always good. So for you to assume that I caused this unstable "person" to lose it, is absolutely wrong.

 

No - You need to wait a minute. you first posted your orriginal question at 11:50 am today - then at 4:38PM posted with

 

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

That seems to me that you were being sarcastic, which is what Thrax was pointing out to you that MAY have been the issue with your conversation with the female in question. Sometimes when communicating with someone, a person says one thing and the person that is recieving the message takes it COMPLETELY differently.

 

It sometimes takes board members awhile to respond to a post because they either, haven't read the post, have a life, or just can't relate. Or maybe they just read

Thanks for everyone's input.

and decided it just wasn't worth their time.

 

Just my 2 cents, and about 60 seconds that I'll never get back.

 

Jenn

[jennandjamesinm 87]

Now to answer the original question, I think that if she was being honest, she shouldn't have had any problem with sending a good photo. There has to be some sort of attraction.

 

Jenn

[ShellyM 0]

I agree. There should be no problem with her sending another picture to me, especially if the first one was grainy or not very clear. Hey, you need to know what the person looks like before you meet. I don't know, but it just seems fishy when someone slips out like that.

[Taylor74 28]

No - You need to wait a minute. you first posted your orriginal question at 11:50 am today - then at 4:38PM posted with

 

 

 

That seems to me that you were being sarcastic, which is what Thrax was pointing out to you that MAY have been the issue with your conversation with the female in question. Sometimes when communicating with someone, a person says one thing and the person that is recieving the message takes it COMPLETELY differently.

 

It sometimes takes board members awhile to respond to a post because they either, haven't read the post, have a life, or just can't relate. Or maybe they just read

and decided it just wasn't worth their time.

 

Just my 2 cents, and about 60 seconds that I'll never get back.

 

Jenn

 

The above post was totally unnecessary and pointless. I am free to post anything I choose within the rules of this particular site. Most people who spend alot of time on the net understand that the use of smilies adds a bit of sarcasm and/or softens one's context/tone. I chose to do that. At the time I made my second comment, there were already many views, but no replies...hence my post. Why make a big deal about it? Seriously?

[rpu3 630]

The above post was totally unnecessary and pointless. I am free to post anything I choose within the rules of this particular site. Most people who spend alot of time on the net understand that the use of smilies adds a bit of sarcasm and/or softens one's context/tone. I chose to do that. At the time I made my second comment, there were already many views, but no replies...hence my post. Why make a big deal about it? Seriously?

 

Oh come on... if you are free to post what you want within the rules, then so is Jenn, without the necessity of you calling her opinion unnecessary and pointless.

 

I'm one that was put off by your second post for the reasons discussed by Jenn and Thrax. It certainly was worth bringing it up to get further information and clarify for the benefit of everyone (singles and/or couples).

[Taylor74 28]

Oh come on... if you are free to post what you want within the rules, then so is Jenn, without the necessity of you calling her opinion unnecessary and pointless.

 

 

I only commented about her post because that "issue" was already addressed. Secondly, I find it odd that this is a site where people discuss some of the most explicit sexual matters possible and speak quite frankly about topics not too many people can stomach, regarding sex, etc. And yet several people are getting upset about my use of two smilies and a failed attempt at injecting sarcasm/humor into a post I created. Come on...

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think that IF she was real (and you can never be too sure, as I have no doubt you are aware) perhaps she was projecting her insecurities onto you. You are a fit guy and that can be intimidating to some (not me, because I am smoking hot Ask me anytime).

 

It might have been that she felt that your contact would inevitably be a blow to her ego (if she sent you another picture) which is exactly what women in the lifestyle aren't looking for. Not saying that you would have done anything to hurt her feelings - even if you had turned her down for whatever reason. But she might have assumed that you would - and there is no accounting for people's quirks.

 

I tend to think she might not have been real. No idea why - it is just sort of stuck in my head that this person is a bit of a role player who takes the fantasy right to the point of being real and then wacks out... But that is a feeling based on nothing and meaning even less

 

But if she is real - I stand by my "maybe it is that" assessment...

 

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

Come on folks we've had other people post and then question or comment about not getting a response before. In these cases we usually just explain the board's quirkiness of multiple time zones, people having to work or it's a Sunday afternoon and I don't want to look at anything but football.

 

I'm not sure why we're beating up Taylor for it but let's give it a rest and get on with the OP's question...

 

Were you wrong? I don't think so. If someone is okay with their body they won't have a problem sending you a pic of themselves that will give you and idea of their shape, size whatever. If I were you I'd just write it off as a "saved by the bell" situation and move on. If you've played with other couples and you all enjoyed yourselves then I wouldn't give this lady much thought.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing 286]

We then begin to talk further, but in order to get a better feel of her body-type, I asked to see another picture. Not explicit, though. Keep in mind that she saw a non-explicit photo of me (shirt off) and liked it. After I requested a picture of her (she ignored my first request) she started insulting me, she broke character rather quickly, and berated me for wanting a "perfect woman." But I never requested such a women, either to her directly or in my SLS profile. She called me a little boy .

 

Was I wrong? I just wanted to insure they we were all attracted to each other.

 

Hi Taylor,

 

I agree with you that her behavior was odd and questionable. It's possible that she's either so insecure abut her looks that she's got something to hide, or that she's not who she's representing herself to be in some other way. Fakes are so common on the sites.

 

I find that if people will share no more than one pic, but they love your pics, say a lot about your appearance and want to see even more of you, yet play games (ignore your request, etc.) to see more of them, there's something very fishy going on. It might be some picture collector guy looking for wanking material. I'm SURE this very thing happened to me just days ago...a man pretending to be a recently divorced mom trying to weasel pics out of me, but having nothing but the initial blurry headshot of "herself". After "she" asked me for more pictures (and specifying just what kind of pics "she" wanted), I politely said something about "her" already having more of me just from my gallery, and asked "her" to go first with sharing more. I never heard from "her" again! **delete**

 

If your contact really was a woman, it's possible that she used one old picture of herself, and didn't have more from that era to back it up with. I've talked to many people who've gotten pictures from people that were very outdated. She might just have major insecurities about her appearance and herself. If she really was a woman and sincerely felt that your asking for a picture meant you were looking for a "perfect woman", she's not in touch with the reality of how this works. Her anger at your simply wanting a second picture sounds immature. Either way, it sounds like drama that you don't need to deal with. There are so many more fish in the sea!

 

Like you, we aren't looking for "perfect" people. Perfection doesn't have anything to do with wanting to know who you're talking to, and wanting to know if there's a basic attraction. You have every right to ask for clear and current pictures. If she had nothing to hide, she'd have been glad to share, I think. Good luck.

[clutch 28]

Hi Taylor,

 

When you hit age 50, you realize that there's just all kinds of everyone's out there; no one's necessarily all right and no one's all wrong. They are what they are. (Sounds like some kind of folk song or something.)

 

I'd say to just relax, say, "Hmmm. That's interesting." and move on

 

Best of luck

[Amanda69 24]

Sorry but looking at how defensive he got to Thrax's comments about his second post I can see where the communication between him and this woman may have gone astray.

 

In email and postings you cannot assume that people will pick up on sarcasm, humor etc no matter how many smilies you put in the post. Many an argument has happened on this board and others do to a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the post.

 

In this case we are only hearing one side of the story. If it is accurate then yes the woman or person he was communicating with appears to have some issues. Other than that we really can't offer an opinion.

[bill&sabrina 22]

I agree with Mrs. Spoo. Lot of panties getting bunched up over what I see as nothing.

Bill

[ItTakes3 19]

She had a less-than-perfect body and is insecure about it. You asked to see more because body shape is an issue with you. You hurt her feelings and she struck back. Go find someone else that fits your needs. She'll do the same. That's life.

[Taylor74 28]

Sorry but looking at how defensive he got to Thrax's comments about his second post I can see where the communication between him and this woman may have gone astray.

 

In email and postings you cannot assume that people will pick up on sarcasm, humor etc no matter how many smilies you put in the post. Many an argument has happened on this board and others do to a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the post.

 

In this case we are only hearing one side of the story. If it is accurate then yes the woman or person he was communicating with appears to have some issues. Other than that we really can't offer an opinion.

 

 

Just to let you and others know....this woman apologized to me about what she said and how she reacted. So...no, there was no miscommunication.

[Taylor74 28]

She had a less-than-perfect body and is insecure about it. You asked to see more because body shape is an issue with you. You hurt her feelings and she struck back. Go find someone else that fits your needs. She'll do the same. That's life.

 

 

How can one possibly hurt someone's feelings if they haven't even seen a photo of said person. Asking for a current photo of a potential mate is something that normally occurs in this lifestyle. We all do it. It was NOT out of the ordinary to request this. In fact, I commented about how nice she looked in her face shot. Her issues are her own. Her reaction to my simple request implied that she has an issue with how she looks. Not me.

 

Body shape is not an issue with me. However, I feel I have a right to see a person who I might be sleeping with. Wouldn't you? It's about being open and honest in this lifestyle. Not secretive and dishonest.

 

and btw, this women contacted me first.

[rpu3 630]

Just to let you and others know....this woman apologized to me about what she said and how she reacted. So...no, there was no miscommunication.

 

So, with the apology given a kind of strange situation, would you proceed forward? Oh, did a pic come with the apology?

 

That's just plain ol' curiousity at this point. I don't think I'd proceed any further at this point, but always like hearing the rest of the story.

[Taylor74 28]

So, with the apology given a kind of strange situation, would you proceed forward? Oh, did a pic come with the apology?

 

That's just plain ol' curiousity at this point. I don't think I'd proceed any further at this point, but always like hearing the rest of the story.

 

 

No picture was included with the apology.Rather, her apology was accompanied with a rebuttal, more or less. She said only young guys request pictures and/or make a "big" deal about body type. And no I will not continue with this person. She went from one extreme (very kind) to another (very mean)...these are tell-tale signs of instability IMO.

[rpu3 630]

No picture was included with the apology.Rather, her apology was accompanied with a rebuttle, more or less. She said only young guys request pictures and/or make a "big" deal about body type. And no I will not continue with this person. She went from one extreme (very kind) to another (very mean)...these are tell-tale signs of instability IMO.

 

I'd agree with your opinion. Something is off there, that's for sure. At least you have confirmation it wasn't you, which rarely happens.

[ItTakes3 19]

How can one possibly hurt someone's feelings if they haven't even seen a photo of said person. Asking for a current photo of a potential mate is something that normally occurs in this lifestyle. We all do it. It was NOT out of the ordinary to request this. In fact, I commented about how nice she looked in her face shot. Her issues are her own. Her reaction to my simple request implied that she has an issue with how she looks. Not me.

 

Body shape is not an issue with me. However, I feel I have a right to see a person who I might be sleeping with. Wouldn't you? It's about being open and honest in this lifestyle. Not secretive and dishonest.

 

and btw, this women contacted me first.

 

I didn't question your desire to see a photo. I was merely offering my opinion on why she did what she did, and I'd make a substantial wager my observation is correct. We've been down that road and know both sides of the situation.

 

I have no idea how your profile reads, but if you said you weren't interested in overweight women, or stretch marks, or other conditions you are unwilling to accept, she probably would not have contacted you. If you expect her to be up-front and honest, you are expected to do the same. There are lots of ads that say "no fatties".If she was reluctant to immediately offer another photo, you should have broken off contact without

[Taylor74 28]

I didn't question your desire to see a photo. I was merely offering my opinion on why she did what she did, and I'd make a substantial wager my observation is correct. We've been down that road and know both sides of the situation.

 

I have no idea how your profile reads, but if you said you weren't interested in overweight women, or stretch marks, or other conditions you are unwilling to accept, she probably would not have contacted you. If you expect her to be up-front and honest, you are expected to do the same. There are lots of ads that say "no fatties".If she was reluctant to immediately offer another photo, you should have broken off contact without

 

I hear what you're say, however, I never assumed anything about her. Whether it was her weight, appearance, etc. I was just merely requesting another picture in addition to the one she showed me. She wanted to meet eventually. One face shot would not suffice IMO. I don't know too many people in this lifestyle who would make a decision off of one photo, whether is was a face or a body shot. She said she was a very active person...which only lead me to believe she was secure about her appearance. I had no way of knowing otherwise.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Sorry but looking at how defensive he got to Thrax's comments about his second post I can see where the communication between him and this woman may have gone astray.

 

In all fairness - and with all due respect to Thrax - if this is a fair comment, what are we to assume about what Thrax's original comment says about his ability to be diplomatic, fair and willing to give the benefit of the doubt to people whom he might have misunderstood?

 

Spoomonkey

[fun4usnh 15]

we are on that site and we just block them don't let it bother you ,move on,

theres plenty out there to share pics with

[LOL_OMG 130]

So much can be misinterpreted with just the written word. Like Thrax said, body language...tone of voice...etc. can make a big difference. I have had emails before where I had to read one line a few times, just to get the gist of it.

Disclaimer: Seinfeld example follows!

 

"Well did he say why would Jerry bring anything? Or did he say why would Jerry bring anything?"

 

Mrs LOL

[DBL D 120]

Sweet to Mean! Sounds like some kind of hot sauce.

 

Anyone in the business of life has to offer themselves to the public one way or another. It is unimaginable that a person of any gender in this liifestyle would not expect that another would like to see them as they are. How else can you ever accept them?

 

Oh...Everyone should have more than one photo of themselves.

 

By chance did she say that she only enters darkened rooms?

 

Wise to move on!

 

Male D