A Night full of Immature Couples & Drama

[SexyDeuce 15]

My wife and I went to a swinger’s party this past weekend, and we ran into a few uncomfortable situations that I wanted to discuss with this forum. Forgive me if I ramble.

 

A little background on us: We’re a thirty-something couple, both pretty attractive, we had been to two other swinger’s parties before this one, so we’re not completely inexperienced, but still new and working through our own communications issues as they come up. And we were the newbies at this particular party.

 

We’re also up for full swap, and are both very straight. My wife is adamant that she has no bi-sexual desires whatsoever. And it’s not for a lack of trying to get her to go there on my part! She’s made that very clear that the idea is not only unappealing to her, but repulsive. And I’ve respected that because I feel the same way about MM bisexual situations.

 

Okay, so we’re at the party in the hot tub with a group of others, and there was one particular couple we were interested in. And they were obviously interested in us as well. They were younger than us, and my wife found the husband attractive. He was quiet and reserved which made him even more appealing to my wife.

 

But the female of the other couple was very bi-sexual and pushy. She was trying to convince my wife to kiss, have oral sex, etc. and my wife was pleasantly rejecting her and told her a few times that she was not interested because she’s straight.

 

After a short while of this behavior it became rather annoying to me, because I know my wife better than anyone and knew she wouldn’t easily be able to deter this woman’s advances, and would possibly get talked into things she would likely regret. And then I of course would have to deal with the aftermath later. For instance, the woman eventually convinced my wife to kiss, but of course it was because she had had a good deal to drink.

 

So, finally the woman looks at me and says “OKAY! WE (indicating her and her husband) are up for ANYTHING with you two EXCEPT me fucking YOU” and gesturing to me, indicating that anything goes except for her and I to have intercourse.

 

So at this point I was pretty annoyed. I felt like this woman was really trying to pressure us into a situation where she could make her unwanted advances towards my wife.

 

Wanting to avoid this drama, I looked at her and replied “No. Sorry. We are both very straight and a FULL swap couple!”

 

She got this puzzled look on her face like I had just thrown a physics equation at her or something! She said “I don’t understand …”

 

and I repeated “What don’t you understand? We are BOTH straight and FULL SWAP!” and then it seemed to click as I could tell by the look on her face, that she wasn’t getting her way. She immediately went into pouting mode, took her husband from the hot tub and left (like kids on the playground, “I’m taking my ball and going home”)…

 

Anyway, the story gets better, but this initial post is long enough for now I think … Comments please.

[telly2 15]

You did the correct thing, no one can tell you what to do, if your wife is not interested that that is it, game over, and that should have been fine. But the little girl who wanted to play was behaving like a spoiled brat, and her hubby must be a welcome mat to her desires to not say anything to her.

 

Great for sticking to your guns and not letting your wife get involved in something that you knew she wouldn't want, even though deep in you, you would love to see it, cuddos

 

ok now the rest of the story pls.

[havefuninsun 122]

Good for you. Nothing is worse than getting into a situation that is a compromise from what you want. We've been in one play situation that at the end of the night, Mr. Fun and the other Mrs. didn't have sex (we played every other way) ... he was disappointed, I was very disappointed for him, and when I chatted with the other Mr. later, he said that she didn't want that date to be a play date from the beginning. Wish we had KNOWN that ... then we felt bad thinking she was regretting what had happened ...

 

Long winded way of saying, you did good.

[Chicup 42]

Hehe young couple, quiet male, overly bi furious female, no full swap, yea welcome to young swingers 2006.

 

This is VERY common, very annoying, and very typical.

 

This sort of thing has been posted in some other recent threads, its such an issue with our age group here (30's) that we have taken a break from looking for new couples. Full swap couples that appeal to us seem few and far between.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Yes, you did the right thing by making your play preferences known, and letting this couple know you weren't a match.

 

There is something you mentioned in your post:

 

We’re also up for full swap, and are both very straight. My wife is adamant that she has no bi-sexual desires whatsoever. And it’s not for a lack of trying to get her to go there on my part! She’s made that very clear that the idea is not only unappealing to her, but repulsive.

 

This is were I would focus discussion between the two of you, since you later say you're afraid of what your wife might do with a few drinks in her, that she may even try some bisexual play.

 

You will soon find it becomes a problem between you and your wife if you feel you have to be the watch dog every time you are out among swingers. You shouldn't have to be the one to monitor everything and state the rules, she also needs to take on this responsibility as well. If alcohol gets in the way of her making good decisions, nix the drinking.

 

I'm eager to hear more about what transpired during the hot tub party. Let us know.

 

LM

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Wanting to avoid this drama, I looked at her and replied “No. Sorry. We are both very straight and a FULL swap couple!”

 

She got this puzzled look on her face like I had just thrown a physics equation at her or something! She said “I don’t understand …”

 

and I repeated “What don’t you understand? We are BOTH straight and FULL SWAP!” and then it seemed to click as I could tell by the look on her face, that she wasn’t getting her way. She immediately went into pouting mode, took her husband from the hot tub and left (like kids on the playground, “I’m taking my ball and going home”)…

 

Welcome to our world. Be prepared for more situations like this to arise.

 

More of the story please.

[VanHlebar 187]

Yea I would love to hear more of the story. While Mrs Van and I have not yet run into a situation like this, we have heard far to many. You did the right thing by staying away.

 

Not to divert too far of the beaten path, but do you most people think this has more todo with the Husband/BF being too jealous to let his wife/GF be with another man? Again, we have been so lucky with our encounters, but we have run into one situation where the wife is allowed to play with the ladies or guys, but the husband is not. From all the we can tell with this particular couple the wife has major drama issues when the husband does anything with any other ladies. Kind of in reverse of what I typically think happens.

 

Anyways....back to the original story...

[LFM2 1,482]

I have to echo what everyone else said. I agree that drinking can make things a bit more "loose" which is why a lot of couples, us included, don't drink before we play.

 

The last part did make me chuckle, I'm glad you didn't let them talk you into something that you might have regretted later. The younger gal sounded like a little spoiled princess. I'd really like to know the rest of the story!

[SexyDeuce 15]

Okay, so after the hot tub incident we met another couple. They were a bit older (40 something) and not as physically appealing to us as the younger couple we’d just sent packing. But they weren’t too pushy and seemed like nice people.

 

We were still in the hot tub at the time, all talking and getting to know each other better. My wife had to go to the ladies room, so off she went.

 

Almost immediately after she left, the female of the other couple hopped into my lap! It caught me off guard, but I admit I was pleasantly surprised at the moment. It was nice be flirted with in that fashion.

 

But seconds later I came to my senses and remembered my wife was absent. No longer feeling comfortable with this nude woman in my lap and my wife unaware of what was unfolding, I told the woman this might not be a good idea right now. She understood and returned to her corner of the hot tub just as my wife returned!

 

I told my wife what had happened and we sort of all laughed about it. My wife didn’t seem to have had a problem with it at the time … so things gradually progressed from there.

 

After a little bit of more time had passed, chatting, flirting, etc. we all decided to get out of the tub, get another drink, and eventually made our way back to the semi-private lounge area, dimly lit and equipped with beds for action and couches/chairs for the voyeurs. We were all draped in towels only and made our way to some chairs where we sat as a group enjoying the shows.

 

More time passed, and my wife had to again visit the ladies room. And again, the moment she left the scene, the other woman made her move. Almost immediately she was kneeled in front of me with my c*ck in her mouth!

 

First thought: “Damn! Ecstasy” Second thought: “Umm, where’s my wife?” Third thought: “Again, not a good idea” and once again I put on the brakes. This whole incident lasted less than a minute.

 

Now, remember the first hot tub couple we sent packing? Get this …

 

As my wife is coming out of the bathroom she just so happens to bump into the male half of that couple. Nonchalantly he says “Wow! Your husband sure is having a good time isn’t he?” to which my wife replies “Really? Why do you think so?” and he of course says “Because I just saw him getting a blowjob in the lounge area!”

 

When my wife later told me this I was livid! That couple was obviously watching us and looking for some angle to cause problems or perhaps convince my wife to maybe get back at me for what took place by going off with them! I just thought this was unbelievable …

 

Fortunately for me, I have a pretty understanding wife. Her response to the guy was “Well I better get back in there before I miss the show!” and she left him standing there with his proverbial d*ck in his hand. She later old me that she was also pissed at the time, but after hearing my side she understood and it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Yet more to this evening, but I’m getting carpel tunnel now …

[rpu3 630]

Damn, there's more? My goodness, it sounds like a pretty full evening already...

 

Rebecca

Waiting for the "rest of the story"...

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

More time passed, and my wife had to again visit the ladies room. And again, the moment she left the scene, the other woman made her move. Almost immediately she was kneeled in front of me with my c*ck in her mouth!

 

First thought: “Damn! Ecstasy” Second thought: “Umm, where’s my wife?” Third thought: “Again, not a good idea” and once again I put on the brakes. This whole incident lasted less than a minute.

This woman either didn't get your point the first time, or she is trying to ignore it and 'push' her agenda. It would appear that she doesn't want to make the sexual moves in front of your wife. I think this is bad manners, and I'd have a hard time liking her if she tried that twice with my husband while I was out of sight.

 

This second couple may be older and more experienced, but sometimes that can mean they have more subtle ways of getting only what they want and not being considerate of other's guidelines. Watch out for these types.

 

 

As far at the first couple and his remarks to your wife about you getting a BJ, should you ever come across people who like to rile you, don't let them get to you - at least don't show it. Riling you is just what they want. You will also look more appealing to other swingers in the room if you handle yourself calmly. If a situation occurs that you and your wife need to discuss immediately, go to a private room, or outside where you have the privacy to express your anger or frustration and come to a mutual decision on how to handle things. Your wife did a good job of replying to that guy. Good for her.

 

LM

[Tybee Swing 286]

1. My wife is adamant that she has no bi-sexual desires whatsoever. She’s made that very clear that the idea is not only unappealing to her, but repulsive.

 

2. But the female of the other couple was very bi-sexual and pushy. She was trying to convince my wife to kiss, have oral sex, etc. and my wife was pleasantly rejecting her and told her a few times that she was not interested because she’s straight. After a short while of this behavior it became rather annoying to me, because I know my wife better than anyone and knew she wouldn’t easily be able to deter this woman’s advances, and would possibly get talked into things she would likely regret. And then I of course would have to deal with the aftermath later. For instance, the woman eventually convinced my wife to kiss, but of course it was because she had had a good deal to drink.

 

3. Wanting to avoid this drama, I looked at her and replied “No. Sorry. We are both very straight and a FULL swap couple!” She got this puzzled look on her face like I had just thrown a physics equation at her or something! She said “I don’t understand …” and I repeated “What don’t you understand? We are BOTH straight and FULL SWAP!” and then it seemed to click as I could tell by the look on her face, that she wasn’t getting her way.

 

… Comments please.

 

With you, your wife is very clear and adamant that she's not bi and wants no part of that, and it repulses her. She had to have been much less than clear with this woman in the hottub, or the woman couldn't have gotten her kissing her. Perhaps your wife with her gentle objections was also giving off mixed signals, because she'd had a lot to drink and because clearly she wanted the other woman's husband? Maybe the other wife thought your wife really wanted it but was just playing kind of coy and wanted to be pursued (this actually happens a LOT, coy women in swinging with mixed signals).

 

Your wife is going to have to take responsibility and own up to being CLEAR with people that she wants no part of bi play. That is, unless perhaps she really does, since she did after all let the woman kiss her and didn't seem to be fussing much...it was you that had to step up and "break it up" on behalf of your wife. That's her job to ward off the other women.

 

Yes, Couple #1 were jerks, especially the pouting, but I think it's very possible that you two as a couple may have been giving mixed signals up to the point that you finally told them bluntly/clearly that you're both STRAIGHT and it's only going to be FULL swap. That conversation would have been much better a lot sooner. You can say things nicely, but still be very clear with people and straightforward. Don't fear that you'll seem rude if you spell it all out up front. It's for the best.

 

Then, you two went on drinking more and met Couple #2. Couple #2, with the wife who jumped on you whenever your wife stepped away, she may have been receiving somewhat mixed signals, too. Again, be really CLEAR the moment she made her first move, and just spell it out: "We play only when we're in the same room", and "Let's wait for my wife to get back." Also, maybe this couple had been drinking a lot like you had, and were somewhat impaired. The more you move away from sober at these functions, the more room there is for people to be fuzzy about what you're trying to convey. So, I'd advise...

(1) Drink a little if you want, but stay sober at these parties and

(2) say really, really clearly what you mean and what you want...early on.

 

Hugs!

[havefuninsun 122]

these are the kinds of stories that make me NEVER to want to go to these types of parties ... I hope part 3 of the story is better ... (and the "characters" better behaved...)

[telly2 15]

i feel like i am watching a soap, pls don't leave us hanging. it feels like a friday episode lol pls more

[ShellyM 0]

Well, first of all I think you were too nice. I understand that you did not want to be rude, but this woman OBVIOUSLY could not take a hint at all. I feel she was indeed trying to push herself on you........I think perhaps she just assumed your wife was at least bi-curious since so many women in the lifestyle are. How would I have handled it? I would have pulled her to the side (no sense in embarassing her in front of everyone, tact is always in order) and told her straight out "HEY girl, I am NOT bi-curious or bi-sexual. Please back off. That would have made your point very succinctly. Sometimes you have to be firm with things like that.

[ShellyM 0]

With you, your wife is very clear and adamant that she's not bi and wants no part of that, and it repulses her. She had to have been much less than clear with this woman in the hottub, or the woman couldn't have gotten her kissing her. Perhaps your wife with her gentle objections was also giving off mixed signals, because she'd had a lot to drink and because clearly she wanted the other woman's husband? Maybe the other wife thought your wife really wanted it but was just playing kind of coy and wanted to be pursued (this actually happens a LOT, coy women in swinging with mixed signals).

 

 

Now, in addition to this because I forgot to add this in my other post. If your wife is really repulsed by bi play, and this is a VERY strong word, repulsed. She HAS to be aware that this is a lifestyle where probably at least 95% of the women are at least bi-curious. Thats like going to a football game and you despise the sport, what are you doing there? NOW, I'm NOT saying she doesnt have a right to be there, because I am basically straight too. BUT I understand what the deal is, and I have an open mind. If a woman touches my breast I don't freak out, I actually kissed a woman at the club (although I surprise myself in my heterosexuality lol). She has to understand this, and you do too. I think that if you two are so anti bi-curious you need to really let couples know ahead of time, so feelings aren't hurt.

[SexyDeuce 15]

Okay, let’s see. Flashback to earlier in the evening almost after we first arrived at the party and were still getting our bearings. There was another younger couple we were talking to, and I suggested to her husband that we take the ladies out on the dance floor. I meant each other’s, but he assumed I meant with our own. So he grabbed his wife and went out, my wife and I followed suit.

 

We were slow-dancing for like a minute, and I suggested we change partners. So we did.

 

The woman began conversation by saying she was shocked that her husband asked her to dance because they hadn’t done so since the high school prom. I replied that I was sorry for suggesting we change partners because I didn’t realize I was interrupting a special moment for them.

 

Next thing I know, this girl’s hands were all over me, rubbing my back, shoulders, arms grabbing my ass, etc. It was pretty obvious she was feeling me up, but I didn’t mind and just considered it innocent flirting. The dance ends and we go our separate ways back to our own spouses.

 

Flash to a bit later in the evening, I’m returning from the bar getting drinks for the wife and I, and I happen to bump into this couple again. Flirtatiously I touch her on the shoulder and whisper in her ear “Thanks for the dance earlier, I enjoyed it” and nothing more. She immediately kisses me on the cheek and turns my head towards hers to kiss my mouth. I put on the brakes yet again for the evening, and quickly exit stage left, announcing that my wife is waiting for her drink.

 

Flash to the end of the evening, it’s late and the wife and I are on the way out the door. We get stopped by this couple as we’re making our way to the exit. Apparently they had been shut down on all of their perspective opportunities for the evening and were looking to make one last run at us.

 

The female corners my wife alone and tries to convince her that we should all go back to the lounge, to which my wife declines and responds that we’re not interested but thanks. This woman then responds to my wife “Not interested? Your husband was all over me earlier! But I had to turn him down because I wasn’t feeling well!”

 

When my wife inquired about me being “all over this woman” I was flabbergasted! In what alternate parallel bizzarro reality did this woman come up with this fictitious supposed occurrence?? Just another weird immature thing that left me with some ‘splainin’ to do when my wife and I got home.

 

It just seemed like everyone at that party either had an angle they were working, pitched a tantrum or pouted when we turned them down, pounced on either my wife or myself as soon as we were apart for even an instant, or were just imagining conversations that were never had or advances that were never made.

 

People really amaze me sometimes…

[SexyDeuce 15]

With you, your wife is very clear and adamant that she's not bi and wants no part of that, and it repulses her. She had to have been much less than clear with this woman in the hottub, or the woman couldn't have gotten her kissing her. Perhaps your wife with her gentle objections was also giving off mixed signals, because she'd had a lot to drink and because clearly she wanted the other woman's husband? Maybe the other wife thought your wife really wanted it but was just playing kind of coy and wanted to be pursued (this actually happens a LOT, coy women in swinging with mixed signals).

 

If someone says "I'm straight" to a bisexual person, what does that mean to them? Because that's the exact phrase my wife used to this woman.

 

And if she said it meekly or sternly, does it change the meaning? I don't think so, but maybe bisexuals think it does ... I dunno.

 

And it was one short kiss. My wife is secure in her femininty enough that she didn't mind a short kiss. There was no tongue action whatsoever.

 

I feel like her being repulsed by FF play is the same as I feel abou MM play. If a guy came up and grabbed my ass or something at one of these parties, I'm not going to start any drama. I'd just say, "I'm very straight pal" and let it go. It's not like this woman tried anything of any consequence with my wife.

[Tybee Swing 286]

If someone says "I'm straight" to a bisexual person, what does that mean to them? Because that's the exact phrase my wife used to this woman.

 

And if she said it meekly or sternly, does it change the meaning? I don't think so, but maybe bisexuals think it does ... I dunno.

 

I have manners, plus I don't want to be with a woman who is less interested in bi activity than I am. So in my case, if a person told me they are straight, I would take them at their word. I'm very non-pushy, so I wouldn't question or pursue it even if I saw your wife an hour later grinding another woman on the dance floor. But that's me. LOL There are numerous people who initially say they're straight, but they're actually bi-curious and with a little bit of prodding by a more aggressive person, they are receptive to it. Not my thing to prod somebody, but I've heard. What I meant in my post about non-verbal cues was if your wife gave a coy, flirty smile when she said "I'm straight", it may be misinterpreted. I wasn't there, I wouldn't know...it was a thought to consider if that was the case, or if your wife is so gentle in talking to others that it may come across that way (especially to people drinking who have dulled senses).

 

And it was one short kiss. My wife is secure in her femininty enough that she didn't mind a short kiss. There was no tongue action whatsoever.

 

Okay, we couldn't tell before what kind of kiss it was. It sounds like the kind of kiss that straight women give each other all the time, very benign. So, if it was a little peck, why did you feel annoyed, say that the woman was being very pushy, and you were concerned about your wife's inability to deter the woman's advances? I don't really understand. Now you say, "It's not like this woman tried anything of any consequence with my wife." Huh? I thought you were upset by the woman's behavior toward your wife and you thought she was being manipulated.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Damn, either you guys are so hot that people lose their minds around you, or you found the Burmuda Triangle of swingerville. We've experienced some pushy people and some weirdos, but three in one night....Bless your hearts!

 

One thing you'll learn is that being "nice" does not have a place in swinging, just because it will lead you to situations like that. Don't be afraid to immediately squash anything that makes you uncomfortable. This is supposed to be fun, so anyone whose endangering your fun doesn't deserve the niceness.

 

Pepper

[SexyDeuce 15]

There are numerous people who initially say they're straight, but they're actually bi-curious and with a little bit of prodding by a more aggressive person, they are receptive to it. Not my thing to prod somebody, but I've heard.

 

That sounds like how men stereotypically say that when a woman says "No" she really means "Maybe". If a person says they're straight, I frankly can't see how that could be misinterpreted. It's wishful thinking on the part of the pursuing bisexual that the straight person is not actually what they say they are.

 

And you're absolutely right, to further pursue someone in such a manner after they tell you they're striaght is just plain rude.

 

So, if it was a little peck, why did you feel annoyed, say that the woman was being very pushy, and you were concerned about your wife's inability to deter the woman's advances? I don't really understand. Now you say, "It's not like this woman tried anything of any consequence with my wife." Huh? I thought you were upset by the woman's behavior toward your wife and you thought she was being manipulated.

 

The woman was pushy. After the kiss she continued to suggest things to my wife, which my wife continued to politely decline. For instance, the woman offered to demonstrate her "talent" of being able to hold her breath while eating out my wife in the hot tub. My wife replied again "No thanks. I'm straight."

 

I suppose you really just had to be there...

[SexyDeuce 15]

Damn, either you guys are so hot that people lose their minds around you, or you found the Burmuda Triangle of swingerville. We've experienced some pushy people and some weirdos, but three in one night....Bless your hearts!

 

One thing you'll learn is that being "nice" does not have a place in swinging, just because it will lead you to situations like that. Don't be afraid to immediately squash anything that makes you uncomfortable. This is supposed to be fun, so anyone whose endangering your fun doesn't deserve the niceness.

 

Pepper

 

 

Well, my wife was by far the most attractive woman there (at least I think so).

 

These weren't the only incidents that occurred either. There were other more minor ones. For instance, there was this one guy who when we first arrived was trying to work his magic on my wife. He pulled her off to the side of the dance floor away from where we were standing while I was off at the bar getting us drinks. No big deal to me, when I came back I could clearly see them across the room chatting.

 

After a few minutes, she came back over to me and told me what they were chatting about. She said she had asked him where his wife was, and he just shrugged and acted disinterested. I asked my wife if she was interested in this guy, and she replied "No, I think he's ugly actually!" and I chuckled.

 

So later, this rather large woman introduced herself to us and as it turns out this was the man's wife. But the funny thing was, throughout the remainder of the night we never once saw the two of them together. On a few separate occasions when I was away from my wife for the moment the man would try to intercede and chat with my wife. Knowing she was not interested in him, I'd come rescue her when I perceived she'd been tortured enough.

 

The rest of the night we saw this guy wandering around the club alone oogling every woman in the place. It was amusing to watch this guy repeatedly get shot down while stalking like a predator.

 

As far as us being "too nice", that's not our character flaw at all. It's more a matter of people being too rude, immature, pushy, etc.

[havefuninsun 122]

I've never heard a story where so many swingers were acting badly while not in the company of their significant others. The cool thing about swing is, it's OK to hit on other people with your SO right there!! In fact, for most, that's part of the turn on!! I can't believe the women were trying to corner you off and the men trying to corner your wife off! This is very weird. Was it a full moon?

 

I was chatting with a playmate the other night, and he even pissed me off by being a little disrespectful to Mr. Fun. We were talking about birth control (of all subjects -- LOL) and my need to swtich up. And in the conversation, I was saying "we're discussing our options" and he said something like, "it's your body, not his -- it's your choice." OK -- I feel like my body IS his (LOL), plus birth control is a couple decision ... anyway, it just kind of put me off. So, I know the behavior you experienced would have sent me out the door long before multiple incidents occurred. What a night!

[Tybee Swing 286]

On a few separate occasions when I was away from my wife for the moment the man would try to intercede and chat with my wife. Knowing she was not interested in him, I'd come rescue her when I perceived she'd been tortured enough.

 

The rest of the night we saw this guy wandering around the club alone oogling every woman in the place. It was amusing to watch this guy repeatedly get shot down while stalking like a predator.

 

This sounds very familiar to me. Awful when it happens! Last week, I got "stalked" like this by a guy we've known casually for a long time, somebody we've been mildly friendly with socially but never sexual with. This night, every time my husband stepped away, he'd get in my "space" (you know, when somebody's much too close) and negotiated with me like a pushy car salesman to give him a shot. I finally had to tell him he was being rude, which I hate to have to say to someone, but he needed to hear it! He was sober, by the way. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to make a big difference and he argued that he wasn't being rude. I just had to avoid him the rest of the night. We won't be so friendly toward him after this.

[SexyDeuce 15]

I was chatting with a playmate the other night, and he even pissed me off by being a little disrespectful to Mr. Fun. We were talking about birth control (of all subjects -- LOL) and my need to swtich up. And in the conversation, I was saying "we're discussing our options" and he said something like, "it's your body, not his -- it's your choice." OK -- I feel like my body IS his (LOL), plus birth control is a couple decision ... anyway, it just kind of put me off.

 

Exactly the sort of behaviors and attitudes I'm talking about here. I read your experience with this guy as him trying to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. When I speak to the female half of a couple I always speak as if I'm talking to both her and her spouse. And I expect the same courtesy when a woman is talking to me, or when a man is talking to my wife. Why do so many people not understand this? Just because their relationship has exclusionary limitations in how they deal with their spouses doesn't mean we do. I include my wife in all of my important decisions, and she includes me. We are a couple! We not individuals who just choose to hang out with each other!

[SexyDeuce 15]

This sounds very familiar to me. Awful when it happens! Last week, I got "stalked" like this by a guy we've known casually for a long time, somebody we've been mildly friendly with socially but never sexual with. This night, every time my husband stepped away, he'd get in my "space" (you know, when somebody's much too close) and negotiated with me like a pushy car salesman to give him a shot. I finally had to tell him he was being rude, which I hate to have to say to someone, but he needed to hear it! He was sober, by the way. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to make a big difference and he argued that he wasn't being rude. I just had to avoid him the rest of the night. We won't be so friendly toward him after this.

 

 

Guys like this I'd like to grab by the scruff of the neck and tell them to bug off. This sort of behaviour is one of the biggest turnoffs about the lifestyle.

 

But it's not everyone. Some people are really sincere, nice, not pushy at all. But the bad apples are significantly prevalent in our experience.

 

Although, there were some couples at this party that I find myself intrigued with. There was this one couple that I didn't see talking to anyone the whole night! Just snuggling up to each other. It's even funnier than that though, this was a costume party (Halloween) and they were dressed as pirates.

 

On one of my trips to the bar, they were standing there, and in an effort to be friendly I cracked a joke with them. I said "Pirates eh? I bet I know where you're from .... You're from ARRRRRRRRRGH-kansas!!" (Arkansas, get it?)

 

Neither smiled, and both looked at me like I was a leper! After my dramatic pause, I said "Cheesey joke, I know. But I thought it was funny!" took my drinks and once again exited stage left.

[havefuninsun 122]

Exactly the sort of behaviors and attitudes I'm talking about here. I read your experience with this guy as him trying to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. When I speak to the female half of a couple I always speak as if I'm talking to both her and her spouse. And I expect the same courtesy when a woman is talking to me, or when a man is talking to my wife. Why do so many people not understand this? Just because their relationship has exclusionary limitations in how they deal with their spouses doesn't mean we do. I include my wife in all of my important decisions, and she includes me. We are a couple! We not individuals who just choose to hang out with each other!

 

We totally feel like you guys. In fact, we always save chats we have with each other. When Mr. Fun read the chat, he was not pleased ... of course, Mr. Fun is a total alpha male, so that doesn't help his ability not to get upset when another male tries to manipulate me in some way. But, people will realize quickly that we're a team, we're entirely loyal to each other, we both want to see each other happy, and I always will stand by my man (wasn't there a country song about that? LOL).

 

I hope that one experience doesn't jade you forever though -- doesn't sound like it. You both sound like very fun and reasonable people ...

[JTcamp05 9]

these are the kinds of stories that make me NEVER to want to go to these types of parties ... I hope part 3 of the story is better ... (and the "characters" better behaved...)

 

 

Thats what I was thinking too!!!

[ShellyM 0]

Guys like this I'd like to grab by the scruff of the neck and tell them to bug off. This sort of behaviour is one of the biggest turnoffs about the lifestyle.

 

But it's not everyone. Some people are really sincere, nice, not pushy at all. But the bad apples are significantly prevalent in our experience.

 

Although, there were some couples at this party that I find myself intrigued with. There was this one couple that I didn't see talking to anyone the whole night! Just snuggling up to each other. It's even funnier than that though, this was a costume party (Halloween) and they were dressed as pirates.

 

On one of my trips to the bar, they were standing there, and in an effort to be friendly I cracked a joke with them. I said "Pirates eh? I bet I know where you're from .... You're from ARRRRRRRRRGH-kansas!!" (Arkansas, get it?)

 

Neither smiled, and both looked at me like I was a leper! After my dramatic pause, I said "Cheesey joke, I know. But I thought it was funny!" took my drinks and once again exited stage left.

 

 

I don't understand these couples. We have them at the club we go to. They sit there and only talk to each other, and act like they are alot better. I was washing my hands in the restroom, and the lady was doing the same. I smiled politely, and said "thank goodness its Friday!" She did not even crack a smile or look up from her hands. She said "Yes, it is."

Wow, what a bitch.

[WesternSwing 504]

I've read this whole saga with great interest, and I can definitely see where you are coming from, but from experience I'll also say that you seem to be overanalyzing everything every couple did, like you were looking for the angle you think they were trying to play. Learning the ropes is an experience to say the least. Understanding how it all fits together and where your comfort levels are can be daunting.

 

But, from what I've read here, with the amount of overanalyzing your doing, you're not making it any easier, either. I'd even wonder if you were looking for a reason to not swing but still be in the Lifestyle. If you find something wrong with everyone (i.e. "everyone has an angle"), than you never have to go there with them but you can still go to the parties.

 

My advice: relax. You're taking all the fun out of it. Have a good time, if there is chemistry than go for it. In the meantime quit trying to discover everybody's angle. There really aren't that many that have an angle. Some people are just rude. Others are feeling their way through it, just like you. Still others are just further along than you and sometimes veterans can forget that not everybody is as comfortable as they are with certain things.

 

Mr. WS

[Tybee Swing 286]

There was this one couple that I didn't see talking to anyone the whole night! Just snuggling up to each other. It's even funnier than that though, this was a costume party (Halloween) and they were dressed as pirates.

 

On one of my trips to the bar, they were standing there, and in an effort to be friendly I cracked a joke with them. I said "Pirates eh? I bet I know where you're from .... You're from ARRRRRRRRRGH-kansas!!" (Arkansas, get it?)

 

Neither smiled, and both looked at me like I was a leper! After my dramatic pause, I said "Cheesey joke, I know. But I thought it was funny!" took my drinks and once again exited stage left.

 

We see couples like this all the time - sitting alone in a corner, clinging to each other, not speaking to anyone. I speak to them anyway, just to say hi. I usually think they are probably very new and fairly terrified. Maybe they're thinking like so many do, who don't know any better: that swinger's clubs or parties are hardcore orgies and they're all just waiting to get you cornered and rip your clothes off. They don't realize how normal and social most swingers are, and that making a joke or just speaking to you doesn't mean you're trying to molest them. Oh well, if they keep coming back long enough, maybe it will sink in so that eventually they can laugh at a joke.

[SexyDeuce 15]

I've read this whole saga with great interest, and I can definitely see where you are coming from, but from experience I'll also say that you seem to be overanalyzing everything every couple did, like you were looking for the angle you think they were trying to play. Learning the ropes is an experience to say the least. Understanding how it all fits together and where your comfort levels are can be daunting.

 

But, from what I've read here, with the amount of overanalyzing your doing, you're not making it any easier, either. I'd even wonder if you were looking for a reason to not swing but still be in the Lifestyle. If you find something wrong with everyone (i.e. "everyone has an angle"), than you never have to go there with them but you can still go to the parties.

 

My advice: relax. You're taking all the fun out of it. Have a good time, if there is chemistry than go for it. In the meantime quit trying to discover everybody's angle. There really aren't that many that have an angle. Some people are just rude. Others are feeling their way through it, just like you. Still others are just further along than you and sometimes veterans can forget that not everybody is as comfortable as they are with certain things.

 

Mr. WS

 

 

Nah I don't think I was over-analyzing the situation. I think I was just being cautious and my senses are always fairly acute to the games people play. I simply can't stand people that play games and try to manipulate others into letting their guard down and capitulating to the will of others.

 

I prefer honest, friendly, sincere people who are not into these sorts of immature mind games that went on at this party. It's amusing to me how many swingers say they're not into playing games, but from my personal experience there is an abundance of it going on.

 

I was quite relaxed at this party and we enjoyed ourselves quite a bit. But not nearly relaxed enough to allow others to coerce us into dropping our guard and being taken advantage of in ways we preferred not to allow.

[SexyDeuce 15]

We see couples like this all the time - sitting alone in a corner, clinging to each other, not speaking to anyone. I speak to them anyway, just to say hi. I usually think they are probably very new and fairly terrified. Maybe they're thinking like so many do, who don't know any better: that swinger's clubs or parties are hardcore orgies and they're all just waiting to get you cornered and rip your clothes off. They don't realize how normal and social most swingers are, and that making a joke or just speaking to you doesn't mean you're trying to molest them. Oh well, if they keep coming back long enough, maybe it will sink in so that eventually they can laugh at a joke.

 

In this particular case, your presumption is wrong. As it turns out this particular couple are regulars at this group's parties. I don't know why they choose not to socialize in the manner that most of the other did because I don't pry into the personal business of others, but this couple wasn't new to the scene.

 

And there was quite a bit of open sex going on at this particular on premise party. I've never been to a full-on orgy, so I don't know what that would entail. But this particular party was pretty close to what I'd imagine one to be like.