Swinging with wife's boss and his wife, too intimate?

[fun4usnh 15]

WOW where to begin? We had our first 2 soft swings w/ her boss and wife. We had a great time. Second time was at a off premise club, we all danced, grinded, kissed, rubbed, and touched> My wife even rubbed both cocks at the same time.

 

I told my wife this doesn't seem like a good idea but she wants to and I'm ok with it as long as she knows that she'll have to quit her job if it gets out about us four. Also if things get romantic.

 

Ahhh yes, romantic, that's my point here. Does it seem ok that when they (wife and boss) go to the bathroom that they kiss outside the bathroom then at the end of the nite when we walk out to our cars they embrace and make out? Don't think I'm blind, I know my wife loves me and I know he loves his wife. Yes, I'm sure.

 

Just curious how much kissing and when is too much or when enough is enough?

 

Just a little more info. His wife works there too, small company with 15-20 people.

 

I had a great time with his wife also, rubbing and sucking her tits and making out on the dance floor. Only a small kiss at the end of the night though.

 

I also had stage fright that night guys.

[Alura 2,775]

You'll get a lot of response telling you this is a bad idea, but to tell ya the truth, this would be an ideal (almost fantasy) situation for us. (I'll put on my flame suit.)

 

We always played with couples, usually just one over a long period of time. In my opinion, the better the relationship, the more fun two couples can have together. The people at your company should think nothing of y'all hanging out together. Couples who work together often do that. Just go to sports events, vanilla parties, the movies, picnics together. Don't be kissing in company corridors; keep your hands off each other at work, and don't be telling "special folks" about the sex part. Make sure all four of you understand the security problem and the rules needed to keep y'all's secret. If y'all feel a need to shock people, spend a weekend in a bigger city far enough away to be fairly certain y'all won't run into your grandmother.

 

We've always done a lot of kissing; we like it before, during and after. We once went out to dinner with a new couple, really hit it off well, and decided to sit in their van for awhile after dinner and talk. Well, talking gave way to kissing. We played with them for years, always kissed them "Hello" and "Bye" often with a lot of kissing in between. It was a special part of our friendship.

 

In our opinion, kissing, like sex, can be done for fun as well as for love. When I kiss Mrs. Alura it always means, "I love you." When I kiss another woman it means, "Let's get hot!" Ne'er the twain shall meet. Well, I tend to express the latter with Mrs. Alura, too.

 

Mr. Alura

[SouthBond 18]

Very interesting. This may work fine and it may blow up. Whatever, your wife has her boss by the balls, legally. I can see it in the newspaper now, head of XXX Cooperation sued for 4 billion dollars by ex-secretary for sexual harassment. Documents show that the secretary and her husband forced into love quadrangle to keep her job. Swinging is about sex. Unless you are into the Poly thing swinging is, I think that I would like to have sex with you, You would like to have sex with me. It was great. See you later. Where is the boss's wife in all this. Come to think of it, the boss's wife also has his balls in her hands. I can see the divorce papers now. I highly recommend that you start making your wife and the boss's wife very happy. Either she or your wife may become financially very well off before this story ends.

[good times 991]

While it is not something we would do, playing with coworkers, from your standpoint I don't really see a big issue with it. From the bosses standpoint I think he is nuts to go there, as he is in a position to lose much more than you are.

 

As far as the kissing goes, that would be pretty normal for us, we often make out quite a lot with playmates.

[HappyPeople 17]

The only problem that I see is that the three of them are together all day and you are not with them. After a while, you might feel a bit left out.

[ShellyM 0]

I'm going to tell you the truth, be careful.

Personal life and business life really don't mix well sometimes. What happens if something happens at the office, and that spills into the play life....or something happens in your play life that bleeds over into the professional life. I would honestly say that this is not something I would ever do. In my last office I rarely talked about anything really personal at all. But, thats just me.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

The 11th Commandment:

Thou shalt not defecate where thou consume-ist.

.

It seems wise to me to go to great lengths to separate your lifestyle activities from your work life.

[sereneiders 263]

WOW, two questions, just one thread.

 

For the first one, I guess you know what I am about to say.... swinging with your wife's boss isn't a good idea.

 

About the second question, well...kissing, flirting, how much is too much? It deppends on the people involved. Does it bother you? In the other hand, from your words you don't seem to hesitate about the "romance" idea (a polyamoral relationship), and in such an scenario... there isn't something like "too much" kissing :-)

 

But there could be a problem you didn't mentioned, but worthing a second thought here. It wouldn't be only about them kissing, it's also that you know your wife and her boss spend 40 hours a week in the same place, beyond your sight. A lot of people spend more time of his/her life with coworkers than with the spouse, so the "romance" stuff comes from the hand of the ghost of what you cannot witness during the day. They have a lot of chances to talk to eachother, in an scenario where the other guy "overpower" your wife.

 

I am open to polyamoral relationships, I trust my wife enough as to leave her alone with the other party for as long as they want to be alone, however, the scenario where you're inmersed into would make me pretty unconfortable.

[WesternSwing 504]

From experience, I wouldn't go there.

 

Mrs. WS worked at a company which was owned by the parent of one member of a couple we met in the lifestyle and became friends with. When Mrs. WS suddenly found herself without a job one day, they offered her a job at their company. We have a "no coworker" rule, but we figured that we'd met them through the lifestyle that this might be different since the relationship was already well defined.

 

The job lasted nine months. During that time we'd all go out together and such. No real problems there. Contact at the office was off limits since it would not be good for the parents/owners to find out, as well as the other coworkers.

 

Then one day Mrs. WS announced she was leaving the company for position with another company with more steady pay. There were viscious text messages sent from the other wife, they threatened to sue Mrs. WS for BS reasons that had no basis in reality.

 

In short, her leaving hurt the feelings of this other couple, nothing more, nothing less. They were great friends, now we haven't talked to them in over a year.

 

Mixing work, friends, and sex screwed-up all three.

 

Stear clear of this situation. I don't see any good coming of it.

 

Mr. WS

[ViSexual 1,008]

I agree with Mr. Alura.

 

Kissing can be for love but it can also be for sensual/sexual fun. I love to kiss too!

 

And coworkers? Well..., of the five couples we had swinging situations with, three were current or past coworkers. Never had any problems because of it. It's how you handle it.

 

And, as Mr. Alura also said, the longer and the better you know people, the more relaxed and enjoyable the sex is.

 

Good luck and enjoy!

 

Rich

[ShellyM 0]

I agree with Mr. Alura.

 

Kissing can be for love but it can also be for sensual/sexual fun. I love to kiss too!

 

 

I absolutely agree with this 100%. I adore kissing. To me there is a love kiss that I have when I am kissing Jay...and then there are the passionate, in the heat of the moment kisses that I have with Jay and my play partner. Kissing with me is an essential part of the whole experience. As I have said before, to ban me from kissing is like tieing my hands behind my back. I can't do well without it lol.

[Alura 2,775]

Western Swing wrote:

 

They were great friends, now we haven't talked to them in over a year.

 

That's a real shame, Mr. WS. It's always sad to part with friends.

 

Nevertheless, my guess is that they weren't as good friends as y'all thought. If they had been, they wouldn't have been upset when your wife moved on to a better deal. They would have been happy for her. After all, she left the job, not them.

 

Folks' minds work in mysterious ways. Sometimes friends go away and we never really know why. What a pity!

 

Mr. Alura

[fun4usnh 15]

The only problem that I see is that the three of them are together all day and you are not with them. After a while, you might feel a bit left out.

I thought of that and she rarely sees him at all and if theres ANY correspondance via email then she prints it out and shows that to me. Whenever she goes into the office w/him the wife comes in also so theres no prob there

[fun4usnh 15]

I absolutely agree with this 100%. I adore kissing. To me there is a love kiss that I have when I am kissing Jay...and then there are the passionate, in the heat of the moment kisses that I have with Jay and my play partner. Kissing with me is an essential part of the whole experience. As I have said before, to ban me from kissing is like tieing my hands behind my back. I can't do well without it lol.

 

I definetly would not stop kissin but I just told my wife this am. that when we leave the club that there is only a small kiss goodnite, she can make out in the club but once we leave through those doors it's me and her time. I have accepted the boss/wife thing but if anything happens it's I TOLD YOU SO time.

[fun4usnh 15]

Very interesting. This may work fine and it may blow up. Whatever, your wife has her boss by the balls, legally. I can see it in the newspaper now, head of XXX Cooperation sued for 4 billion dollars by ex-secretary for sexual harassment. Documents show that the secretary and her husband forced into love quadrangle to keep her job. Swinging is about sex. Unless you are into the Poly thing swinging is, I think that I would like to have sex with you, You would like to have sex with me. It was great. See you later. Where is the boss's wife in all this. Come to think of it, the boss's wife also has his balls in her hands. I can see the divorce papers now. I highly recommend that you start making your wife and the boss's wife very happy. Either she or your wife may become financially very well off before this story ends.

all I can say to that is "I hear ya"

[bill&sabrina 22]

The 11th Commandment:

Thou shalt not defecate where thou consume-ist.

.

It seems wise to me to go to great lengths to separate your lifestyle activities from your work life.

 

I know swinging is what is being stressed, but really this covers everything anymore. It's terrible that you can't have a relationship with a co-worker, for fear of problems coming up. I'm overly idealistic, because I see nothing wrong with "adults" doing anything with anybody.

[LetsParty 17]

Two lessons I learned in business:

(Well, same lesson, phrased in two equally eloquent ways:)

 

1 - Never dip your pen in company ink.

2 - Don't fuck the payroll.

 

 

LOL

[fun4usnh 15]

Two lessons I learned in business:

(Well, same lesson, phrased in two equally eloquent ways:)

 

1 - Never dip your pen in company ink.

2 - Don't fuck the payroll.

 

 

LOL

she does the payroll, lol

[Mr.T 16]

I'm not about to outright say it's a bad idea to swing with the boss and his wife.They are people too,with the same desires as the rest of us.

 

My concern would be,as previously stated,what trouble would occur if it goes sour.You could be in for a great deal of unpleasantness.

 

Bottom line:

 

Swinging with buisness aquaintances is like having a mysterious box,with the only label on it being a question mark.You don't know what's in it(the term Pandoras Box comes to mind).

[fun4usnh 15]

I'm not about to outright say it's a bad idea to swing with the boss and his wife.They are people too,with the same desires as the rest of us.

 

My concern would be,as previously stated,what trouble would occur if it goes sour.You could be in for a great deal of unpleasantness.

 

Bottom line:

 

Swinging with buisness aquaintances is like having a mysterious box,with the only label on it being a question mark.You don't know what's in it(the term Pandoras Box comes to mind).

I have accepted the fact of my wife fuckin her boss, I just wish it would hapen sooner than later. Hey I get to fuck his wife too, she also very hot also. If something goes sour she can get a new job, shes good at what she does,as far as us causing trouble that won't happen. These people are super nice as we have spent other times together

[Mr.T 16]

I have accepted the fact of my wife fuckin her boss, I just wish it would hapen sooner than later. Hey I get to fuck his wife too, she also very hot also. If something goes sour she can get a new job, shes good at what she does,as far as us causing trouble that won't happen. These people are super nice as we have spent other times together

 

 

You've obviously givin the situation its fair amount of thought.It's not a place I'd be very comfortable with,but thats just me.

 

Hope it works out great for you

[WildMiCouple 325]

I was gonna say it probably isn't a good idea to be playing with your wife's boss and his wife. But to be honest, Tammy's been fucking the owner of my company(and I his wife) for quite some time. She thinks he's a real hunk and readily admits he's her best fuck And I certainly don't have anything bad to say about him.....he's a hell of a guy I think most of the office knows too though But, I've known him for as long as I can remember, so it's not like he'd fire me if things take a turn

 

As far as consequences for you.....tough call. Guess it depends on how well you guys get along now. I would think with a smaller company, it would work better as you don't have the usual office politics that are inherent with the bigger ones. The job loss for your wife seems to be the downside if things go bad. And if your wife thinks she can get another job quite readily, then that pretty much minimizes the risks. What the hell.....give it a go

 

Brett

[fun4usnh 15]

I was gonna say it probably isn't a good idea to be playing with your wife's boss and his wife. But to be honest, Tammy's been fucking the owner of my company(and I his wife) for quite some time. She thinks he's a real hunk and readily admits he's her best fuck And I certainly don't have anything bad to say about him.....he's a hell of a guy I think most of the office knows too though But, I've known him for as long as I can remember, so it's not like he'd fire me if things take a turn

 

As far as consequences for you.....tough call. Guess it depends on how well you guys get along now. I would think with a smaller company, it would work better as you don't have the usual office politics that are inherent with the bigger ones. The job loss for your wife seems to be the downside if things go bad. And if your wife thinks she can get another job quite readily, then that pretty much minimizes the risks. What the hell.....give it a go

 

Brett

He's a good guy and when there in the office it's like nothing ever happened. Hey, we went to a club last nite and we met lots of new people but still danced with them, he keeps askin my wife if I'm ok with this ,at least he has the courtesy to ask her.Several times in fact. I am very fine with it in fact I 'm lookin forward to it now.

[WildMiCouple 325]

He's a good guy and when there in the office it's like nothing ever happened. Hey, we went to a club last nite and we met lots of new people but still danced with them, he keeps askin my wife if I'm ok with this ,at least he has the courtesy to ask her.Several times in fact. I am very fine with it in fact I 'm lookin forward to it now.

Good luck with it. Sounds like her boss is a straight up guy.

 

As far as our situation, I forgot to mention.......I'm the owner Would I play with my bookeeper and her husband? Nope, no way, no how. And it's not because I don't find her attractive. Just don't want to mix business and pleasure. And as others have mentioned....I don't need a sexual harassment problem either. But, this is from the other side of the coin from you. The main difference is, if things take a turn for the worse with your wife and her boss, she can move on and be done with it. For me, I'd either have to live with it or fire her.....which could open up a whole 'nother can of worms :rollseyes

 

Brett

[fun4usnh 15]

Well we went out to a REGULAR house party w/ their coworkers she got drunk and flirted w/ every one including the boss, that was way off base ,foul, time out a big no no when we are not at a club NO FLIRTING

RIGHT or am I wrong

[CuriousInOregon 16]

You'll get a lot of response telling you this is a bad idea, but to tell ya the truth, this would be an ideal (almost fantasy) situation for us. (I'll put on my flame suit.)

 

We always played with couples, usually just one over a long period of time. In my opinion, the better the relationship, the more fun two couples can have together. The people at your company should think nothing of y'all hanging out together. Couples who work together often do that. Just go to sports events, vanilla parties, the movies, picnics together. Don't be kissing in company corridors; keep your hands off each other at work, and don't be telling "special folks" about the sex part. Make sure all four of you understand the security problem and the rules needed to keep y'all's secret. If y'all feel a need to shock people, spend a weekend in a bigger city far enough away to be fairly certain y'all won't run into your grandmother.

 

We've always done a lot of kissing; we like it before, during and after. We once went out to dinner with a new couple, really hit it off well, and decided to sit in their van for awhile after dinner and talk. Well, talking gave way to kissing. We played with them for years, always kissed them "Hello" and "Bye" often with a lot of kissing in between. It was a special part of our friendship.

 

In our opinion, kissing, like sex, can be done for fun as well as for love. When I kiss Mrs. Alura it always means, "I love you." When I kiss another woman it means, "Let's get hot!" Ne'er the twain shall meet. Well, I tend to express the latter with Mrs. Alura, too.

 

Mr. Alura

 

 

DITTO is all I can say

[Tybee Swing 286]

Well we went out to a REGULAR house party w/ their coworkers she got drunk and flirted w/ every one including the boss, that was way off base ,foul, time out a big no no when we are not at a club NO FLIRTING

RIGHT or am I wrong

 

You are right!

 

Parties/dinners with co-workers and the boss are best handled no differently than if you were at the annual company picnic...behaving just as professionally around them as you normally would, but just in slightly more comfortable clothes. No, it's not "fun" to have to behave yourself and watch yourself around them, but that's reality in the grown-up world.

 

In my humble opinion,

 

1. Getting drunk in that setting is a BIG no-no.

2. Flirting with vanilla people that way, especially co-workers, is just plain dumb.

3. If her boss wasn't worried about the private business becoming public gossip before, and wasn't worried about losing his other employees' respect, he might be real worried about that now, after this party incident!

4. I might start brushing up that old resume', if I were her. I'd also check the club behavior at the door whenever any other co-workers are anywhere around...even if they were all in a club.

 

Best wishes - I hope you let us know the outcome.

[clutch 28]

I agree with most of above... swinging with boss and/or work people can be iffy. It happens all the time; sometimes it blows up and sometimes it works out okay. Just be wary.

 

As far as the kissing at the car... we do that sort of thing all the time with our couple friend. It has happened on occasion that we've actually gone back inside when we thought we were about to leave.

 

If it's not mutual, or if it makes you feel bad, just talk about it with each other.

 

Interesting thing about any sex with anyone is that it seems to be designed in such a way that one has to give and take in approximately equal portions not only for it to work, but for it to be right.

 

It's a hundred percent about giving pleasure and a hundred percent about taking pleasure at the same time or at least in the same time frame. It doesn't and can't work any other way (unless of extreme or unusual extenuating circumstances). (Sorry, it's just the lawyer in me.)

[fun4usnh 15]

OH boy wasthis a mistake check my new thread

[fun4usnh 15]

Well she just had to do it. We all went out to a club, kissin fingering suckin tits all was well until we got back to there house. His wife went upstairs & passed out,#1 rule for us -all ends if someone is drunk or passes out. My wife asked me if it is ok for her to kiss her boss I said hurry up and went outside into the car, I thought a kiss would be fine then end it go home and have sex. Boy I was wrong. HMMMMM whats takin so long, well I look in the front door window and shes blowing the boss. Needless to say I was bullshit to say the least, #2 rule no playing if s/o is not in the room. I tooted the horn she came out like nothing happened I was PISSED .Well guess what happened next. I requested a divorce yes a divorce. I told her to quit her job and if she gets a new 1 by the time the divorce date then maybe we will talk. She says I thought it was ok, I thought you didn't mind.HUHHH. Don't you remember the RULES. Bitch. Well, needless to say this story didn't end well. Anyone thinking of fuckin thier boss.... think again.

[fun4usnh 15]

Also I believe she cheated on me....meaning this incident was cheating

[Alura 2,775]

Sorry to hear it, Fun4usnh!

 

I think your problem isn't with swinging; it's with drinking.

 

I hope all works out for y'all.

 

Mr. Alura

[turnuptheheat 98]

To go from exploring together to demanding a divorce like this indicates more than a problem in picking swing partners or even following rules.

I gotta say Al may have a point.

Did this just happen within the last hours, or was it days/weeks ago.

Is the emotion level too high to be objective with the situation right now, perhaps?

I would suggest a few days to simmer down, talk it over and process the events.

You feel betrayed and hurt, she probably feels like she was playing a game that you were part of. The situation got out of hand, maybe due to the alcohol or just hormones and horniness.

If the boss is a good potential swing partner (which may be a contradiction in terms) he will understand the pull back while things work out.

Good luck. Think with your head and your heart. Your damaged ego and hopefully your damaged relationship can heal.

[fun4usnh 15]

To go from exploring together to demanding a divorce like this indicates more than a problem in picking swing partners or even following rules.

I gotta say Al may have a point.

Did this just happen within the last hours, or was it days/weeks ago.

Is the emotion level too high to be objective with the situation right now, perhaps?

I would suggest a few days to simmer down, talk it over and process the events.

You feel betrayed and hurt, she probably feels like she was playing a game that you were part of. The situation got out of hand, maybe due to the alcohol or just hormones and horniness.

If the boss is a good potential swing partner (which may be a contradiction in terms) he will understand the pull back while things work out.

Good luck. Think with your head and your heart. Your damaged ego and hopefully your damaged relationship can heal.

 

 

Happened last nite, she said she wasn't drunk just buzzed. The boss is definetly over. Swinging is over also, she can't follow the rules. She said if I stayed in the house we could have a 3some but she never let me in on that, if that had happened all would have been fine today.

[oddcouple2841 16]

We were in a situation that was similar but different. S was forced to tell me she had been blowing a customer on a pretty regular basis. I knew something was wrong but had ignored it. She was sure I would throw her out and never speak to her again, as you can see this is not what happened.

 

My question would be that if the situation had been reversed, say the man had went upstaires and passed out and you had went back in to kiss the wife goodnight and your wife had walked up to the window and seen the lady giving you a bj, what would her reaction have been? I suspect she felt that you would be okay with it or she would not have done it knowing that you would likely come to check on her.

 

I understand your feeling, trust me I do. You believe she violated your trust and perhaps you fear that she may be developing an emotional attatchent at work. I remember from your early posts that the situation seemed to be going okay and you were positive about it. Your ego was probably already a bit bruised from the other wife going off to bed instead of being interested enough to stay up and play with you or maybe you were just agitated about the way the evening had turned out.

 

Perhaps after cooling off some and a lot of talking, that trust can be rebuilt. Hopefully by the time you read this the alcohol and some of the shock and anger will have worn off. It is a new day so putting last night behind you and moving forward in a positive way would be a perfect way to start it.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I told her to quit her job and if she gets a new 1 by the time the divorce date then maybe we will talk.

 

I'm sorry for you about all of this. Is she sorry? Is she upset? What does she say about finding a new job?

 

What if you two go to counseling, instead of going straight to filing for divorce? Do you love her? Do you have kids? Please think about it.

 

I agree with the person who said that drinking might be an issue here. In the old thread, she got drunk and acted up at a work party, in front of her co-workers and boss. You just don't get drunk at an office party, you know? She needs to stop doing things like that, even if she gets a new job. It's for the best to have boundaries at work, and to keep swinging/partying on strictly personal time.

 

Maybe the other night when she was blowing the boss while you waited outside, the alcohol was influencing her decision-making process, or lack thereof?

 

I hope things work out for you!

[fun4usnh 15]

It's morn and I have cooled down some. I made her write her boss an email explaining that she fucked up last nite and that this lifestyle is over since it was supposed to be our first swing and she blew it (no pun intended)on the first chance. What would happen next time? As far as the shoe on the other foot she said she would be pissed too, she knows she really fucked up.

What do you all think about still goin to her xmas party. I told her I didn't want to go on the 16th cause I'll be uncomfortable in that position.

Drinking plays a bad part in this lifestyle and I told her that, also said at any time she's swaying we go home at any function........

[JM153 346]

Fun, I join the others in suggesting you take some time before you act or say things that terminate a mariage with a woman who less than three weeks ago you said you loved. That said, I will tell you what I read between the lines. In doing so I recognize all I know about you, your wife, your relationship is what you have written in the two threads and I could be all wrong.

 

From what I read in the two threads this is more about control than the relationship. Perhaps you have to control your spouse and perhaps she wants to be controlled. So this may not be a problem. But for many it would be. If you go back and read your posts, you are setting the rules and the conditions and each one is set with an ultimatim. Your OUT if you don't follow the rules I make up. No room for mistakes. Perhaps you have never made a mistatke, but I sure have and have had to appologize. I have also misunderstood what was OK. Fortunately I was not dealing with someone who was so rigid that they could not understand why I misunderstood. I don't know whether your wife acted out because she wanted to hurt you, because she was horny, because she had too much to drink, because .... But I do know you told the Board here just a few days ago that you were OK with her and the boss and were looking forward to having sex with the wife. You said you were OK with your wife rubbing both of you. If you also told your wife this, she may have thought you would be OK and that combined with impaired judgement can lead to her making a mistake. So the question I would suggest you ask yourself is: Do I love her and just how good is the communication between us. The answers may tell you whether you should move ahead with the divorce or whether you should try to save your marriage.

 

Good luck to you and your wife.

 

JM

[JM153 346]

What do you all think about still goin to her xmas party. I told her I didn't want to go on the 16th cause I'll be uncomfortable in that position.

 

Glad to hear you have cooled down. I think it is too soon to go to the party. Maybe next year. I also think you two should do a lot of talking about why you wer interested in swinging and each of your reactions to your exposure to swinging before you give it another try. As has been said so often on this board you cannot have too much communication in this lifestyle.

 

As I said Good Luck to both of you.

 

JM

[fun4usnh 15]

Thanks JM157 I have calmed down just to let you know. I was all set to move forward TOGETHER but as a forsome or last nite could have been a 3sum but she stated to me b4 that she wasn't up for that.

Yes I do love her an awful lot but something was lost last nite and I don't know if we'll find again, I hope so tho.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Drinking plays a bad part in this lifestyle and I told her that, also said at any time she's swaying we go home at any function........

 

with you totally.

 

The situation the other night was bad all around. Your would-be playmate (the boss' wife) got so drunk that she actually passed out before the playtime even started. That set the stage for the rest of the mess, going downhill from there. Maybe everybody had too much to drink.

 

Swinging doesn't have to include drinking. It certainly doesn't have to include getting drunk. After you and your wife are back on solid ground together, if in the future you decide to try swinging again (hopefully with "neutral" people, not bosses), try doing it with no more than 1-2 drinks the whole night. I think you'll find it makes a massive amount of difference. When people have all their wits about them, it's much easier to pay attention and notice non-verbal cues, vibes, feelings. When people are drunk, it's almost impossible to pick up on these things.

 

I agree with the others about forgiving, putting this behind you, making the appropriate changes to the situation so it won't happen again, and moving forward from here.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Happened last nite, she said she wasn't drunk just buzzed. The boss is definetly over. Swinging is over also, she can't follow the rules. She said if I stayed in the house we could have a 3some but she never let me in on that, if that had happened all would have been fine today.

 

I am confused by this...

 

First - I am sorry that things went so intensely wrong and I hope that the two of you can work it out. But as others have pointed out, there were some definite issues going on that you two need to learn from. If if you two have a future as a "non-swinging" couple, there are a few lessons you two need to take away from this.

 

1. Respect the rules. Where you lost me above is that she broke rule #2 - but you admit things would have been just fine this morning if the two of you had broken rule #1. If you set rules, play by them. I am not 100% sure that breaking rule #1 would have been a good thing. How would the passed out boss' wife feel about that this morning? You had rules - and you BOTH need to follow them.

 

2. Don't put each other in positions to fail. What is a good night kiss but a form of play? And yet, you left the house while she kissed her boss. Again - you lose me here. Had you just waited for her to kiss the guy - things obviously would have ended differently.

 

3. When passing out starts happening, bad decisions are ready to be made. When you get to that point - you are wise to have a rule to stop. Next time, you simply need to. Go home, have some water, fool around, get a good night sleep. Live to play another day

 

I see a lot of mistakes - some classic rookie mistakes. It is tough to go from first experience to divorce court, but that tells me that maybe the level of communication was what it needed to be going in - and sadly, the swing community has another cautionary tale

 

Spoomonkey

[WesternSwing 504]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this turned-out so badly, and there were some rookie mistakes that you should learn from. But, as turnuptheheat said, going from "we are great with this happening" to "I want a divorce" without stopping at "what went wrong last night and what do we need to do to make sure it doesn't happen again" shows there are other issues at work here. It's not just swinging, there is something else in your relationship that isn't working and swinging intensified it to the umpteenth degree. I think you need to look at that first. Whether you ever swing again or not, you need to resolve whatever other issues are going on with you two if you are to remain a couple for many years to come.

 

Mr. WS

[tribbles 490]

Thanks JM157 I have calmed down just to let you know. I was all set to move forward TOGETHER but as a forsome or last nite could have been a 3sum but she stated to me b4 that she wasn't up for that.

Yes I do love her an awful lot but something was lost last nite and I don't know if we'll find again, I hope so tho.

 

We both have screwed up, broke rules, had to stop swinging and talk for days and hours and look deep inside at what were the thought processes going on that led to the rule breaking or hurt feelings?

 

The first time we even found two counselors (lifestyle friendly) to help us communicate and deal with what happened. Oh and books by Albert Ellis, PhD helped too.

 

We found many things from early teens still had influence on our behaviors, many of the norms of society we thought we shed, still influenced us both.

 

I'm betting part of the norms of society influenced your leap to thinking divorce over breaking rules even tho, the situation you both agreed to has pitfalls.....heck, YOU left her with her boss, after drinks, when you knew there was sexual attraction....and she may also have had a pretty normal human thing of not wanting to hurt his feelings by saying "no". Many females have to learn to say no and be okay with it....at least I felt bad saying no and still sometimes do.....

 

You love each other. You have the ability to be open and talk with each other...

Don't throw it away.

 

Talk...Talk...Talk...and even see a few counselors.

 

Love is worth it.

 

S

[Mr. Truelove 81]

If you both talk through this, and resolve some of the issues at hand, you'll likely come out better and stronger than ever. This of course requires a dedication by both to put effort in the relationship.

 

Also, if you feel comfortable about it, talk to the other couple as well. (which may be unavoidable if she still works with him) They might have similar issues since play happened while she was passed out. It sounds like both parties now have something to work through, however it could be a great learning experience as well if you move forward in the right direction.

 

I do think though that play with the boss should be out of the equation and perhaps just view it as a friendship. And I do even feel that being friends with them could prove difficult (that depends on the individuals).

 

Your anger in this situation only shows how deeply you care for your wife and I am sure the divorce course of action would be counterproductive to what is really in your heart.

 

And I agree with Spoomonkey about the double standard on the rules. You are ever so quick to agree to a threesome when his wife would have been left out, but when you were left out, you were hurt. But I am willing to chalk up those comments to your emotional state last night when you posted.

 

Mr. Truelove

[intuition897 2,179]

Mr. Spoomonkey makes some excellent points (what else is new? ). In reading your post, I thought you had both started out well with the rules you had made. And it kinda went downhill from there. The first slap to the forehead was the part where you two are out partying with your wife's boss. That is just not smart, and I don't care how cool he is about it. Had you left that one alone - both of you - there would be no question about whether or not she's now going to need to quit her job. I don't know about your household, but ours is a two-income family. My income is not disposable, and I love my job. Therefore, no fuckin' of the boss or co-workers.

 

To continue:

 

Well she just had to do it. We all went out to a club, kissin fingering suckin tits all was well until we got back to there house. His wife went upstairs & passed out

This tells me that maybe they weren't as well suited to the lifestyle as you might think. If I was playing hostess to another couple in my home, I'm not going to get shit-faced drunk (leading others to perhaps believe that I need to be drunk in order to enjoy their company, or that I'm really not having a very good time), go upstairs and leave my husband in the awkward position of playing host sans mari. Does that say "unhappy marriage" to you? Because it sure hints at that for me.

 

,#1 rule for us -all ends if someone is drunk or passes out.

This is great. Excellent rule, and one that we have played by ourselves. Best to err on the side of caution and it just shows respect for everyone involved.

 

My wife asked me if it is ok for her to kiss her boss I said hurry up and went outside into the car, I thought a kiss would be fine then end it go home and have sex. Boy I was wrong. HMMMMM whats takin so long, well I look in the front door window and shes blowing the boss.

Mm-kay. Well, there's no need for me to tell you that this was a disaster. Like Spoo, I have to wonder why you didn't stay while she kissed him good night? And for that matter, why did it have to be a 10-second-frencher? When someone has gone upstairs and passed out, play of any sort is out the window. That includes hot passionate kissing. I think perhaps that your wife doesn't really agree with your rules; otherwise, why would she have broken them so blatantly? If she really believed it was wrong, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. You say she "understands" now that she made a mistake, but I'm wondering what she feels the real mistake is? Was it that it was just wrong to do what she did? Or is it that she made you angry and thus threatened her marriage? In other words, is she actually sorry, or is she just sorry she got caught?

 

Needless to say I was bullshit to say the least, #2 rule no playing if s/o is not in the room.

Another excellent rule. This is a rule that we have bent and broken depending on the couple (some couples are just fine with separate room playing, as we are), but it is our default.

 

I tooted the horn she came out like nothing happened I was PISSED .Well guess what happened next. I requested a divorce yes a divorce. I told her to quit her job and if she gets a new 1 by the time the divorce date then maybe we will talk. She says I thought it was ok, I thought you didn't mind.HUHHH. Don't you remember the RULES. Bitch. Well, needless to say this story didn't end well. Anyone thinking of fuckin thier boss.... think again.

I was a little taken aback by your strong reaction. Having strong feelings about something is one thing (I think I would be equally Pissed-with-a-capital-P in your situation), but reacting to those feelings is quite another. It's the difference between owning your emotions, or allowing them to own you.

 

Congratulations. You guys just made your first big mistake in the lifestyle. What? Did you think it would all be smooth sailing? Not a chance. Everyone learns this way. It's whether or not this kind of catastrophe is going to be a stumbling block or a stepping stone for the two of you. Can you learn from this, grow closer, strengthen your level of trust between you? Or will you "take your ball and go home"? Such extreme reactions are unnecessary, and only work against you. Glad to hear you've cooled off some. I'd just suggest that you guys sit down and talk through this. Get to the bottom of why she did what she did, and why you reacted the way you did. Use this disaster to your benefit. Good luck!

[fun4usnh 15]

1. Respect the rules. Where you lost me above is that she broke rule #2 - but you admit things would have been just fine this morning if the two of you had broken rule #1. If you set rules, play by them. I am not 100% sure that breaking rule #1 would have been a good thing. How would the passed out boss' wife feel about that this morning? You had rules - and you BOTH need to follow them.

 

Yes you are absolutely correct had it come down to it ,hmmm it may not have happened. Can't say for sure tho.

 

We are goin to work things out, it's just all I can picture in my mind right now is her on her knees it drives me crazy.

[fun4usnh 15]

This tells me that maybe they weren't as well suited to the lifestyle as you might think. If I was playing hostess to another couple in my home, I'm not going to get shit-faced drunk (leading others to perhaps believe that I need to be drunk in order to enjoy their company, or that I'm really not having a very good time), go upstairs and leave my husband in the awkward position of playing host sans mari. Does that say "unhappy marriage" to you? Because it sure hints at that for me.

 

Well about this, the wife mentioned on the way home that this has happened b-4 w/other couples. I believe that she really isn't into this whole thing and she's playing just to make her hubby happy and that the other couple has done the 3sum after she passed out. hmmm a pattern here I think.

It's been a long day, no sleep last night (visualizing her blowing him over & over again) I will get over it tho it will just take time. Time heals all they say!!! So I'm going to lay down for a while try to nap and think of puppy dogs and rainbows. That should work huh....

[tribbles 490]

We are goin to work things out, it's just all I can picture in my mind right now is her on her knees it drives me crazy.

 

Look really closely....inside...and you may find some part of you is turned on by what you saw and that pisses you off too!!!

 

Has happened here.

 

Good Luck.

[fun4usnh 15]

Look really closely....inside...and you may find some part of you is turned on by what you saw and that pisses you off too!!!

 

Has happened here.

 

Good Luck.

Drives me insane in a very bad way, ya know crazy people hear voices, all I see is this episode and thats not what I want to see because it's drivin me frigin crazy :whiteflag I'm sinking