Swinging with wife's boss and his wife, too intimate?

[ohash01 20]

Sorry this was terrible for you.

 

And I know it's hard - but whenever you start mentally picturing things that do not make you happy...try really hard to picture yourself instead of her boss. It's just a little way of making that mental picture better.

 

We've had our problems...everyone does. This isn't EASY. No one said it was. Pretty much everyone says it takes a TON of communication, a lot of honesty, a ton of trust, a good sense of adventure.

 

Your wife seems to have the good sense of adventure, a moderate amount of communication, but is lacking with the honesty and the trustworthyness. In my opinion, time to put the brakes on the swinging and work on the two of you. She MAY have to find a new job - because it will be awkward in the office or...let's face it...she'll close the blinds and invite him into her office. But I don't think you can MAKE her do that. Telling grown people that they HAVE to do something, usually results in angry feelings or rebelling.

[tribbles 490]

Drives me insane in a very bad way, ya know crazy people hear voices, all I see is this episode and thats not what I want to see because it's drivin me frigin crazy :whiteflag I'm sinking

 

Listen closely to all the internal dialogue...get the books by Albert Ellis...find the mental connections..

 

Or replace them as suggested by changing the image in your head...

 

I bet you feel angry, to cover hurt that isn't even really necessary to feel as strongly as you do.Part of it is cultural conditioning...or was for us.

 

She is human, she screwed up....she still loves you and you still love her....Getting past the negative feelings has to be done and can be done. Keep remembering the real love you share....

 

Go from that point knowing you love each other and get help...

 

S & D

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is K, I am not a pyscologist but I have been though a situation similar to what fun4usnh seems to be experienceing now so I will through my two cents worth in to try to help.

 

Drives me insane in a very bad way, ya know crazy people hear voices, all I see is this episode and thats not what I want to see because it's drivin me frigin crazy I'm sinking

 

fun4usnh, you are not crazy and you are not sinking. Believe me I lived through this. I know all too well that nausiating emptiness in the pit of my stomach. Wanting so bad to do something to alter the situation or reality. In the end there is only acceptance and that may be some time away. IMO this occures when we build a picture or concept of what we want someone to be and accept that as the reality. If something happens to destroy this imaginary image of the person we have created the whole thing comes crashing down like a house of cards. Believe me the destruction of this image you have created of your wife is just as bad as if she herself had died.

 

You have an advantage I did not have back in the 1990's. You can reach out on the internet to people that understand and have lived through what you are going through right now. You can find lot's of helpful information. Please take some time to take a look at this, and see where you fit right now and you can see what to expect in the future. Trust me, there is an excellent chance you will go through every one of these stages.

 

Note: these were origianlly written about death but they apply to many more situations than just your own death or the death of a loved one. Also every person does not necessarily follow them in order except for #5

1. Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "This is not happening to me." "There must be a mistake"

 

2. Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the late person, or themselves)

 

3. Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

 

4. Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."

 

5. Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore."

 

Don't try to rush the stages but do try to limit the damage you cause to the relationship while going through them. In the end acceptance will come, that image in your head will go away and then you can start building a more realistic image of your wife in your head. Read more about the 5 stages of grief here

 

Hope this helps,

K

[fun4usnh 15]

oops

[fun4usnh 15]

Note: these were origianlly written about death but they apply to many more situations than just your own death or the death of a loved one. Also every person does not necessarily follow them in order except for #5

1. Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "This is not happening to me." "There must be a mistake"

 

2. Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the late person, or themselves)

 

3. Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

 

4. Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."

 

5. Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore."

 

Don't try to rush the stages but do try to limit the damage you cause to the relationship while going through them. In the end acceptance will come, that image in your head will go away and then you can start building a more realistic image of your wife in your head. Hope this helps,

K

 

We have both used these before as we lost our son at birth 11.5 yrs ago and

I am using these steps and I'm working on #5 now .Thanks. They should have a #6 TIME... will heal all

[oddcouple2841 16]

I am very sorry to hear about what happened with your son. Both my mother and S had a sibling that died at birth. If you survived such a tramatic event as having a child die then you can survive this together if the "bj" incident was the real problem.

 

I also believe in the case of relationship trouble there sometimes is a sixth stage and that would be taking what you have learned / experienced and using it to create a better and stronger bond with a more realistic picture and expectations of eachother or deceiding that it is best to go your separate ways. I have a feeling that there were already problems in your relationship and that either you were denying (that is what I did) or perhaps simply not fully acknowledging or perhaps just not posting here. I get the feeling that this blowup is not about a bj, that the incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

On the possibility that the "bj" incident was the only problem or even the trigger event, once one has accepted that sex does not equal love things get a lot easier. Pehaps we are conditioned from birth to equate the two but even a quick study will refute the reality of this. If you both ever come to accept that sex does not equal love then and only then you might be ready to try swinging albeit with someone niether of you is involved with outside of swinging.

 

If you need someone to talk to we are here. Our yahoo is the same as our handle here and we are always glad to try to help if we can.

 

K

[Tybee Swing 286]

I also believe in the case of relationship trouble there sometimes is a sixth stage and that would be taking what you have learned / experienced and using it to create a better and stronger bond with a more realistic picture and expectations of each other or deciding that it is best to go your separate ways.

 

This is so true. It often happens this way - a couple will face a challenge or painful issue together, work through it, and come out stronger and better for it.

 

To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

Please don't throw in the towel too easily. Work on this.

[fun4usnh 15]

Please don't throw in the towel too easily. Work on this.

 

 

We are actually working on this. We made love this am. and it was Wonderful, actually this helped, we were never saw passionate as this as I said it was wonderful, there were tears and lots of hugging squeezing and lots of I'm sorrys and most of all a whole lot of I love yous.

It felt great this morn.

[aahours1 16]

This marrage had a problem from the start of swinging. But the wife should not have or done what she had. If the rule was together and only together, that is what it means. Does not mean to blow your boss while I wait in the car. They should have left together. The husband should have stayed and waited for her while she kissed him. But getting a DIVORCE was a little drastic to say the least, right on the spot. I think he was waiting for the right time to come about. Shgould have talked about it, maybe see a counselor also. Myself, Iwould have been pissed also. But would have taken the route I just said. As a matter of face, this is almost the same sinerio that happened to me. New Years Eve Party, After party went to garage to clean up, when I returned I found my wife, at the time, on her knees in front of this guys sucking him off, in the middle of our livingroom. Needless to say I was pissed. After he left we discussed it and I told her NO more contact with him, bolwing alley or e-mails. She needed to come home right after bowling instead of staying around for a few drinks and seeing him. Told to to quit bowling and we can work on our marrage, she refused, So I filed for divorce. I got everything, house, child, money toys (boat/motorcycle etc)and both vehicle. And we were in the lifestlye also, but the rule was, NO extra unless the other was there. She broke the rule , I was patient, wanted to be counceled and we could have dropped out of swinging. She refused. So I have started the same as you, but ended in a different manner than you. Different approach to everything.

[intuition897 2,179]

We are actually working on this. We made love this am. and it was Wonderful, actually this helped, we were never saw passionate as this as I said it was wonderful, there were tears and lots of hugging squeezing and lots of I'm sorrys and most of all a whole lot of I love yous.

It felt great this morn.

 

Good stuff fun4usnh! That's right where you need to be with one another. The mistakes really bite at first...but given time and generosity of spirit, they definitely have their up-sides!

[Tybee Swing 286]

We are actually working on this. We made love this am. and it was Wonderful, actually this helped, we were never saw passionate as this as I said it was wonderful, there were tears and lots of hugging squeezing and lots of I'm sorrys and most of all a whole lot of I love yous.

It felt great this morn.

 

WOW, I'm so happy to hear this! Keep it going in this direction, you are so on the right track now. Hugs to you both!!

[Randies' 16]

Take her in her arms and run from the lifestyle as fast as you can.

You are not ready to share her with another man.

Get to know her, how to please her every need not just yours, what she likes and dislikes and so on.

you need to have a much stronger relationship than you have inorder to go forward.

[FloridaFlirt 15]

Take her in her arms and run from the lifestyle as fast as you can.

You are not ready to share her with another man.

Get to know her, how to please her every need not just yours, what she likes and dislikes and so on.

you need to have a much stronger relationship than you have inorder to go forward.

 

 

Ditto the above a bazillion times....

[fun4usnh 15]

Hello all,

Well it's been a while now and things have calmed down quite a bit. We have talked and worked things out, I decided she doesn't have to quit her job because I know there was no bad intention here. I know my wife loves me and I love her too. The fact is this incident was just my worst fear come true. Yes I do feel as if she went behind my back, not cheated, deep down I know she wouldn't cheat on me. We both decided to get into this together, this whole boss thing took a while to adjust to, so I finally convinced myself it was ok, but deep down inside I know it bothered me. Well when the whole BJ incident took place it just all came back, the fears again and I went bezerk. One of the problems with this all also was his wife wasn't into this or me very much which made me feel left out. No more taking one for the team. As for swinging, IF we get back into it, not at this point though, we have learned from our mistakes(newbie drama) as her boss put it.

We both enjoyed it tho otherwise, we liked the time spent after talking about it afterwards and it really spiced up our life.

If I had just followed my heart from the beginning everythig would be ok.

I am going to have a talk with him this week to let him know that all is ok and I'm not mad at him. I will tell him what my fears were at the beginning of this all and tell him the complete truth.

I hope we can still be friends though.

 

Thank you all for your support and emails, you have all helped one way or another.

To all the newbies here, if you have a question ask it here they will help you, they have been through it all it seems.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hey, I'm glad to hear that everything is so much better between you two! That's great.

 

If I had just followed my heart from the beginning everything would be ok.

 

I have had this very same thought many times in life. It's so true! We should always listen to our intuition, gut instincts, our heart. It always tells us the truth we need to know.

 

Hugs!

[BorisNatasha 63]

I have to say, dropping the big D card is kinda like dropping a nuke on your own position to 'win' the battle as you're being overrun.

 

It's not something that should just be thrown around because you're angry.

 

Just something to think about.

 

B

[fun4usnh 15]

Just wanna let y'all know that I talked to her boss and things are fine now and we went to a club this past fri nite and they were there and he was a perfect gentleman, no touching or anything. I feel a whole lot better since the talk, boy was I nervous prior to that conversation.

[Mistral Wind 54]

To quote John MacInro a great tennis player who was an expert at winding up the opposition and the umpires...."You cannot be serious!"

 

Talk it through sort out what went wrong fix it and forgive each other life is too precious to drop everything for a stupid mistake she made. I am sure she would forgive you if the position was reveresed.

 

Just remember all the wonderful things that you have done together they are too sepcial to lose arn't they?

 

Good luck and get talking honestly, not shouting and finger pointing

 

Mistral

[havefuninsun 122]

Just wanna let y'all know that I talked to her boss and things are fine now and we went to a club this past fri nite and they were there and he was a perfect gentleman, no touching or anything. I feel a whole lot better since the talk, boy was I nervous prior to that conversation.

 

 

Awesome! -- I'm so happy all of this drama seems to be past you all now.

[aahours1 16]

Glad to hear about you working it out. We all just figured that it was all her doing and not paying attention to you or your wishes. As your 1st post let on to be. The lifestyle is great if you can cum to grips with it all. But YOU MUST BOTH AGREE that it is or is not for you and go from there. Go slow and be careful....Also GOOD LUCK

[fun4usnh 15]

We all just figured that it was all her doing and not paying attention to you or your wishes. The lifestyle is great if you can cum to grips with it all. But YOU MUST BOTH AGREE that it is or is not for you and go from there. Go slow and be careful

 

 

 

This is exactly what we are going to do GO SLOW, we are just gonna do the clubs for quite a while then see what happens.

We went to a club last fri. and that was fun again, she had all the guys, as one woman put it, drooling, while she played with a couple other women. We definetly have a good time so slow it is for now, who knows maybe it will never leave the club and that's fine with me.

[mike big 13]

Look really closely....inside...and you may find some part of you is turned on by what you saw and that pisses you off too!!!

 

Has happened here.

 

Good Luck.

you

 

funny that you say that. i want to fuck my girlfriend so hard after she mentioned a gangbang and/or threesome to me. i wonder what thats all about

[10thBadger 25]

On 10/25/2006 at 6:02 PM, fun4usnh said:

WOW where to begin? We had our first 2 soft swings w/ her boss and wife. We had a great time. Second time was at a off premise club, we all danced, grinded, kissed, rubbed, and touched> My wife even rubbed both cocks at the same time.

 

I told my wife this doesn't seem like a good idea but she wants to and I'm ok with it as long as she knows that she'll have to quit her job if it gets out about us four. Also if things get romantic.

 

Ahhh yes, romantic, that's my point here. Does it seem ok that when they (wife and boss) go to the bathroom that they kiss outside the bathroom then at the end of the nite when we walk out to our cars they embrace and make out? Don't think I'm blind, I know my wife loves me and I know he loves his wife. Yes, I'm sure.

 

Just curious how much kissing and when is too much or when enough is enough?

 

Just a little more info. His wife works there too, small company with 15-20 people.

 

I had a great time with his wife also, rubbing and sucking her tits and making out on the dance floor. Only a small kiss at the end of the night though.

 

I also had stage fright that night guys.

The idea that your wife would want to swing with her boss only screams one thing to me. She is already doing the boss. He has already got a taste from your wife. Because no sane person would want to have a fling or swing with the boss without understanding that they are going to lose their job if things go south. So you already know what’s going to happen, they are already in a affair and they are bringing you in on it so that they can justify it and do what they want to do. If you start to complain about it, the boss will protect her and you will be out in the cold. If she is not doing a boss already, and leader gets tired of the boss, he will just fire her and she will be looking for other employment