Body Image Issues - worried about being naked in front of other women

[crazycatz 17]

Hi,

 

I'm new to posting on the boards but have been reading them for quite some time. I have a question but I don't know if I've posted it in the right place.

 

My partner and I are just starting out in the lifestyle. He has a small bit of experience before we met and we had an MMF together and LOVED it.

 

We both would like to try and MFF (I want to explore my bi side and a huge fantasy for him is having a threesome with me and another woman). I'm feeling really insecure about this however.

 

I am a size 20 and have always struggled with body image issues...there are days when I really hate my body and some days that I accept it and think my face and personality compensates for it.

 

I have very few if any issues when it comes to being naked with men...I know that a lot of men are attracted to me and I generally feel positive and have no inhibitions when it comes to that and I guess that's why the MMF was so fantastic.

 

However, I'm really nervous about an MFF -- for two reasons. 1) Women seem to be much more put off by a plus size women than men are. I am worried that I would feel really self-conscious being naked and intimate with a woman who is smaller than me and/or has a great body. 2) I worry about whether or not I will be jealous about seeing my partner being turned on by a woman that clearly has a better body than me. I'm afraid I will internalise that if he seems to make a louder moan than he does with me or get off on it more. I know that's probably irrational--I mean the hornieness of a threeway or group situation is what would be the big turn on and not necessarily the hot bodied girl...but this nonetheless, doesn't take away the fear.

 

I haven't talked about this with my partner because I actually hide my body image issues from him. There is nothing more unattractive than someone who lacks confidence.

 

Now I do fantasise about a threesome and him having sexing with the woman in the threesome but I don't know how I would feel in reality.

 

Any thoughts???

thank for reading.

[DGrey 28]

You need to show him this post. Let him know exactly how you're feeling about yourself. It's not until you can be comfortable in your skin that you'll have true fun in the scene.

 

I'm a 20 as well and haven't had any problems with playmates at all. Of course, there's always the irrational fear of me crushing someone but that's never happened. For us, body images are not how we pick playmates. If there's a mental connection, what's on the outside doesn't even matter.

 

Good luck.

 

E

[flkeyscouple 21]

Body image isn't only a problem for plus-size women. I've always had a problem liking my body - even though I get a lot of compliments. Swinging has always given me more confidence in my body. I've never thought of not swinging because of my body image hang-up, but before we had experiences I always wondered if my body would be compared to others. I've found that personality is far more important than looks. It's what is on the inside that counts.

 

I do think you need your husband to know how you feel, however. When you say you are worried he may 'groan louder' and it would upset you - you really need to deal with that before it becomes a problem in your marriage.

 

You have to realize that 'she' will be NEW to him. He may be far more excited than 'normal' because of THAT - not because of her body! But if you are measuring things by his groans or his enthusiam, it may be a problem for both of you!

 

TALK about it. I also know what you mean by not sharing your body image thoughts with your partner - lack of confidence is not a turn on. But you really NEED to discuss this. Does he read this board? Maybe it's time he does.

 

Good luck - let us all know how it goes.

Sarah

[ShellyM 0]

Girl, I live with what you feel every day. I get very weight manic, and this is something I deal with. The only thing I can tell you is what I have to remind myself alot. You have to love yourself first, and know within yourself that you are beautiful. There are men and women who love women who are not "thin", and even thin is a relative term. This has to come from within yourself. I can tell you how beautiful you are until tomorrow, but until you believe it within yourself it does no good. So, learn to love who you are, and everyone else will respond to you. Sure, there are people who may reject you. And believe it or not, there are thin people who are rejected for being too thin! Everyone has people that like them, and people that don't. Just relax and love who you are.

[friskymonkey 15]

Hi crazycatz,

 

I'll chime in and second what everyone else has said, communicate and love yourself. Trust in your partner's love.

 

My reply is maybe too practical and obvious but...

 

I'm not sure whether you and your partner have a particular woman in mind for your MFF? I ask because on the website where I play (BayCouples.com), there are lots of plus sized women. Why not swing with a BBW? I always notice how sexy and confident and gorgeous they are. So, it's possible that the woman you wind up playing with will be your size or bigger.

 

Like many, many (all?) women, I sometimes have body image issues, too. I diet/exercised/obsessed for weeks before my first swing party because I kept thinking about how everyone would see me naked. Afterward, I felt silly because at the party when things started heating up and clothes started coming off, the size of my butt was the last thing I was thinking about!

 

Hope your MFF adventure goes off as well as your MMF did!

[LetsParty 17]

If I may just quickly interject something here...

 

Body image has NOTHING to do with size or weight.

 

My partner is around 5"7, and she weighs around 127. Super long legs, abs, and big boobs.

 

And you know what?

 

She HATES her body!

 

There are people who are size zeros and hate their bodies, and people who are size 20 and love their bodies.

 

This is primarily a female issue, I think.

 

Some people may think I look awesome naked, and other people may think "Nope! Not for me!"

 

What can I say? You can't please all the people all the time!

 

It's tough to live life wishing we were thinner, younger, richer.

 

I know my partner doesn't care about someone's weight as much as attitude...

 

I hope this helps!

[telly2 15]

I think it comes down to it is in the eye of the beholder, i to am a size 20, and have always been overweight, and my hubby is a 32 inch waist and and hot as hell as far as i am concerned, but we both deal with self image issues, i don't think any of us will ever be totally happy with ourselves. But the one thing i can say there are a lot more men out there who like meat on there woman, and there are a lot of us in the size 20 catagory in the life style, so therefor someone is sleeping with us, or we wouldn't be here.

 

I was just thinking back over the past 8 yrs, and in this lifestyle and the BDSM lifestyle, most {90% are over weight} . we are the majority, so don't worry about it. You will find a Female who you will be comfortable with and she will be comfortable with you.

 

and like flkyscouple said she will be new, and he may react a little more, or less. It is new, but don't worry you are his main squeeze and it is you that he will go home with not her. this is just sex without strings not love.

 

Chantal

[intuition897 2,179]

Welcome to the board crazycatz. First of all, I'd like to say that you're a step ahead of the game because you realize already that this could be a problem for you. If I were you, I absolutely would not go ahead with a situation that you know with relative certainty would make you crazy with depression and jealousy. As others have said, the best way to alleviate these fears is to share them with your husband. Then he'll tell you you're crazy for thinking that way, that he loves you like no other, and that no other woman, no matter how "perfect" she may be physically, will ever be able to steal his heart the way you have.

 

But as was mentioned too, he WILL get really excited by this other woman...because she's new and different and, yes, because her body is different from yours. I used to freak out about this, too. Then I realized an overlooked truth: having a hard-body is only one asset when it comes to sex. Some women may not have washboard abs, but they know how to give a man (or woman) a religious experience with their mouths. Or maybe, for the likes of Mr. intuition, a narrow supermodel type ass just isn't an asset, but more of a liability. There are plenty of men out there who really do prefer lush, feminine curves to hard-bodies. What about your confidence? Your knowledge of yourself, and what you need/want sexually? There's something to be said for a woman with the sexual maturity to get what she wants in bed.

 

All I'm saying is that another woman's body, no matter how Victoria's-Secret-cover-model-perfect, is nothing more than a novelty to your husband. It's not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's not Nirvana. It's not the ultimate experience for him. YOU are his ultimate experience, and when your company leaves after playtime, and you two are alone, you will see just how much this is true. Because he's going to want to eat you alive after that appetizer. He'll be wired and loaded with sexual energy, and he'll be dying to share the energy of his experience with you. This high usually lasts for days, sometimes weeks. This is him saying, "Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you for loving me this much." It's like he's won the lottery and he's looking for someone to share it with. And he chooses you. You're the first person he thinks of. You are 'home'.

 

I figure it would be a real shame if I had the opportunity to let Mr. intuition run his tongue over a set of rock-hard abs, because I just can't offer him that. Sorry hon, but that's just not my body type right now. But that's okay. That's why we enjoyed swinging. It was great to be able to give him the opportunity to experience different body types, and not just restrict him to mine. I knew it didn't define me and it didn't define the quality of our love or relationship that he enjoyed other women. What we had went beyond the trivialities of sex.

[Mr&MrsSwing 16]

I think everyone has provided excellent advice for you already,...the only thing I wanted to tell you is that I don't think women are as judgemental as you think! I have always wanted to fulfill my bi fantasies and I have always wanted to fulfill them with a voluptuous full bodied curvy woman. Many of my bi friends have told me the same thing.

[crazycatz 17]

Thank you all for taking the time and offering your advice and comments. For the record, my partner and I aren't married. I was feeling better but then I came across a thread on here on BBW's that really degenerated and it just confirmed a lot of my deepest fears. I know having these issues is not restricted to plus size women but we can't escape the fact that there is a societal stigma with regard to size. Perhaps best to just stick to the MMFs right now until I feel more comfortable (he is also bi so it's not a question of balance). Thanks again for your comments.

[ShellyM 0]

Its NOT BBW SEX is it?

 

Okay, for the record. For some reason, we all went insane that week and were fighting for days over that thread. Don't read that thread.

 

BBW's are beautiful and awesome, and there are tons of people who love them!

[prettylady 221]

Its NOT BBW SEX is it?

 

Okay, for the record. For some reason, we all went insane that week and were fighting for days over that thread. Don't read that thread.

 

BBW's are beautiful and awesome, and there are tons of people who love them!

 

DITTO

If you find this thread, turn and run, run far far away.

Although I did learn alot about myself and others while we were not listening to each other.

We all have issues. No matter what the size. Even if you find yourself with a size 6. I guaren damn tee you that she has as many hang ups and inhabitions as you do.

All the women in the lifestyle are beautiful. I know this for a fact.

I have been here long enough to have met a few face to face. The ones here on the board that I only get to chat with, are equally as beautiful.

Personality shines through on the board.

And my dear new friend, you are a beautifully stunning women to me.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Thank you all for taking the time and offering your advice and comments. For the record, my partner and I aren't married. I was feeling better but then I came across a thread on here on BBW's that really degenerated and it just confirmed a lot of my deepest fears. I know having these issues is not restricted to plus size women but we can't escape the fact that there is a societal stigma with regard to size. Perhaps best to just stick to the MMFs right now until I feel more comfortable (he is also bi so it's not a question of balance). Thanks again for your comments.

 

Yeah, that thread was a poor reflection on the swinging community in my honest opinion. I was at a club in ohio and I saw a few BBW's that were having just as much fun, if not more, than I was having. There is someone for everyone, and the vast majority of the people I have met on here or in person are pretty much non-judgemental.

 

Mr. Truelove

[MoonLightKiss 28]

I ditto Shelly and Prettylady. Crazycatz...don't read that thread, and if you have discount it as nothing. We were all having a bad week. And a lot of things said were taken out of context, or they were misunderstood. It was not a bash on anyone. So ignore that particular thread.

 

In the meantime. Being a size 20 could cause a woman to rething body issues. So could being a size 2. Everyone, absolutely everyone, has something they would not mind changing about themselves. Even if its something small. WHY? Because none of us are perfect. Because you, me, and the rest of the world is not perfect we have to learn to be perfectly content with ourselves. It is then that you will realize that the issue is not how others percieve you, but how you percieve yourself. Confidence and a great personality will carry you farther in the lifestyle than anything else, I believe.

[telly2 15]

yeah Julie can we delete that thread, that was a nightmare and should be deleted from this site, that was everyones PMS week men included. Lets get rid of it. Pls or make it don't read this or something. PLEASE.

[Guest MrsVan]

Every woman at one time or another in their lives have felt this lack of confidence in themselves. I am not a heavy woman at all but still have some body image issues that I am trying to work on. Because of those flaws that I have, I tend to get down on myself and feel that I am unattractive. But I know that how I feel is not really the truth but is just how I am feeling.

 

A woman who carries herself with confidence no matter what her size, is a very sexy person. I have seen many woman who are rather larger woman but the way they carried themselves and the confidence they had in theirselves was very sexy. I think it is all about how you hold yourself and not the size you are.

 

MrsVan

[ShellyM 0]

Yeah girl. I would hate to think that something I wrote destroyed your sexual confidence in any way. Seriously Julie, can we please destroy that particular thread? Girl, you are gorgeous. You just need to learn to love yourself, and everyone will see your beauty. I'm telling you, the cycle doesn't stop unless you learn to love yourself for who you are. I have lost alot of weight, and yet it never seems to be enough. You get into a cycle where its 5 more pounds and I'll look good, then 5 after that, and it never ends. You just have to know yourself that you are beautiful. I know lots and lots of women who are larger than a 20W, and they have no problems at ALL in finding good men.

Just relax, and be yourself.

 

Again, that thread needs to be done away with.

[crazycatz 17]

Again, thanks for your responses. That old thread certainly does no favours on this topic! There are so many misconceptions on there about people of size that I was shocked! (i.e. that people who are overweight don't eat healthy or aren't fit?? I know loads of thin people who have never walked a day in their life and eat only take aways but yet their health and fitness levels are taken as a given just because of their size).

 

I will give your comments a think...I know this is mostly a personal issue that relates to my comfort levels around swinging. As I said, I have no issues with respect to men and 'vanilla sex' and am very confident in that regard. I'm just terrified that my old insecurities will come out when I see my partner have sex with a thin, gorgeous woman (despite the fact that he told me that he doesn't want us to play with people just because we they might have nice bodies...for him (and myself) the intellectual connection/personalities are much more important...just like many of you have said.

 

So I think that soft swap is the way to go first and see how I feel. If the green eyed monster comes over me I don't ever have to do it again and I can treat it as a learning experience and if not, all the better!

 

Thanks again!

[prettylady 221]

I have taken a new step in my adventures here in swingerland. Let me tell you something that surpised me.

I too was nervous about Dog being with another beautiful woman. Then I met some beautiful women. I got to know them, became friends with them and now the fear is gone. Make friends first. That was my ticket to freedom in the lifestyle. I am not afraid of how pretty they are or thin or velupus(healthy boobies). I have little tiny boobies and that was my hang up. But I adore these women so now I just really don't care anymore.

Good luck girl

Your friend,

Prettylady

[havefuninsun 122]

I have taken a new step in my adventures here in swingerland. Let me tell you something that surpised me.

I too was nervous about Dog being with another beautiful woman. Then I met some beautiful women. I got to know them, became friends with them and now the fear is gone. Make friends first. That was my ticket to freedom in the lifestyle. I am not afraid of how pretty they are or thin or velupus(healthy boobies). I have little tiny boobies and that was my hang up. But I adore these women so now I just really don't care anymore.

Good luck girl

Your friend,

Prettylady

 

PL, you're on to something. I think folks get nervous thinking of their partner with someone they don't even KNOW. That is frightening. And, if you have control issues (which I do, I'm working on them -- LOL), it makes the situation even more scary.

 

We get to know someone before we meet them ... then, if everyone is on board, the next step can happen (whatever that is and whatever you're comfortable with).

 

I think the original poster has a good attitude ... she's willing to experiment, and if it doesn't feel good, she'll chaulk it up to a learning exerpience and not worry too much about it.

[bigjoehd 26]

 

I am a size 20 and have always struggled with body image issues...there are days when I really hate my body and some days that I accept it and think my face and personality compensates for it.

 

I have very few if any issues when it comes to being naked with men...I know that a lot of men are attracted to me and I generally feel positive and have no inhibitions when it comes to that and I guess that's why the MMF was so fantastic.

 

HI,first off i dont have a clue as to the difference between a size 10 & your size of 20 but you should never doubt yourself in any way,there is nothing more sexy to my wife & myself than the look of confidence,size & weight take a back seat to us over confidence & attitude,i have a few xtra pounds on me & i never give it a seconds thought,my wife is very small & petite & has no issues with plus size women.

 

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.

 

Dont give it another thought,if you find a woman who wants to play with you two she is doing it because she finds you both atractive & sexy.

[prettylady 221]

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.

.

 

You and I have obvoiusly not met.

I am hardly perfect, but I am small fit and one hell of a handful.

But I do tend to agree with you somewhat. I have many friends who fall into the "fit" catagory and they are excellent people to be around, but I have run into a few that can not pass a mirror with out stopping for a look, and would likely worry more about getting that perfect porn face going then just letting loose.

If I have learnt nothing else on this board it is that beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes. So does ugly.

 

Your friend,

Prettylady

[EvilMJ 65]

I agree with Prettylady and Intuition897

 

We come in all shapes and sizes and I have found that the deciding factor for me has been the personality. THey way you present yourself and the way you are precieved by others goes a long way. Sure not everyone is going to way to play with a plus sized person, that is a personal choice and that doesn't make them bad people. It just means they are into a certain body type. But there are lots of people out there that do play with larger sized people.

 

Part of the fun of playing with others is the 'newness' factor. But at the end of the day I am going to go home with the man I love, and no perfect body is going to change that.

[LFM2 1,482]

Kudos to everyone! Weight is a pretty insignificant thing when it comes to swinging. At least in our swinging world. We love character. Personality is our number one thing we look at. Are they fun? Can they laugh? Is there going to be drama?

 

People will turn you down for reasons other than weight. Maybe they want to be with someone with blond hair or they may want a redhead. Maybe you drive the wrong car. You might live on the wrong side of town. There are many reasons someone is going to think up with not to play. Don't take it personal. They're just not looking for the same thing you are. If I was turned down because of my weight, that would be fine too. I've yet to meet a couple with perfect bodies. That's what we like about swinging. The vast diversity in the swinging world. Like Intuition said, it would be a shame if I didn't let Mr. LFM play with a woman's body who was different than mine. It would be a shame if he didn't let me play with a man who's body was different than his. I thank God everyday that he chooses to be married and stays with me, but I also know that no matter what, he'll be the one coming home with me and vice-versa.

 

I don't think I'm a small person. I've lost a lot of weight, but like Shelly, it's still not enough. I'll never loose that little pooch I acquired during pregnancy. I've faced that fact. I'll never have the body I had in high school and that's OK -- I'm not in high school. We just go out and have fun whenever the mood strikes. People are less judgemental than we think. We are always our worst critic.

[nmgrrrl 15]

Wow. This topic sure went nutz recently. Yea, the other thread..ummm...wrong.

 

I was always a small person until some injuries and subsequent surgeries required steroids. I put on some 80 lbs in a matter of months. Needless to say, I felt unattractive and sex was the last thing i wanted- not cus i didnt wanna get laid, I just didnt want my man to see me naked!

 

Well, along the way, I learned how society treats "over wieght" "full figure" "BBW" women. It aint pretty. Ppl i have known forever treated me different not to mention the men all but stopped looking. I was pretty unhappy for a while. Once I decided not to feel bad about it, to get as much outta life as i can no matter what- i felt better. I made the effort to look my best every day i walked out the door. I worked out and found ways to be the hottest most fuckable BBW on the planet. I discovered my huge breasts looked great!!!!!! I found men were too looking at me!

 

I have lost most of the weight now and feel much better. Sex with nmturfman is incredible and our play invitations are flowing in. Was it the wieght loss that made me the difference? Physically yea, but it was making the decision to enjoy who I was at that moment, to get the most out of every thing I had, that made me hot- both when I was "fat" and now.

 

We let other ppl's opinions about us rule our lives far too much when the only one that reallly matters is our own. I applaud women of every size who enjoy themselves and live their life the way they want.

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is S. I have to put my .02 in because I consider myself a big woman. Women are hard on themselves then men are, so some people might not consider me big.

 

I'm 5' 1/2" and I weigh 180 and wear a size 16. At my heaviest, I wore a size 22. I've been battling with my weight since I had my daughter 5 years ago. I have my good days and my bad days.

 

I believe that's it's not about the person's size, it's about their attitude and how they carry themselves. I've seen skinny people have the body, but have the worst attitude, because they have the body that everybody wants. They are shallow and vain and won't even talk to you because you are not their size. God forbid they eat something other than a carrot. They think their world is going to end.

 

I've seen BBW have the best attitude about themselves because they are comfortable with their size and they are not afraid to go get want they want. Hell even the BBW models are out there wear skimpy outfits that people would only think the skinny models should wear. Have you seen them model club outfits or the sexy outfits for bed fun? They are gracing the pages with little to nothing on and having the time of their life.

 

When I got with my male half, he only dated one "fat" girl before me and he will admit that he had a better relationship with her than his "skinny" ex-wife. Of course my tits are bigger than what he likes, but he loves me for me, not because of what size I wear.

 

Women need to stop listening to Hollywood and killing themselves trying to get the "ideal" body. Not everybody is going to have the "model" body, with little to no tits and wear a size 2, but society is having a hard time realizing that, but bigger woman are getting more roles on t.v. and in the movies, so maybe somebody out there is listening...

 

My advice is love you for you. The more you love yourself, the more you will shine to the other people out there. There are going to be people out there who doesn't think BBW is attractive, but for every one who doesn't there is one who does. You never know what your boyfriend has to say until you talk to him about it.

 

Good luck in your search. I know there will be somebody out there. It will take time to find them.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I was always a small person until some injuries and subsequent surgeries required steroids. I put on some 80 lbs in a matter of months.

....

Well, along the way, I learned how society treats "over wieght" "full figure" "BBW" women. It aint pretty. Ppl i have known forever treated me different not to mention the men all but stopped looking. I was pretty unhappy for a while.

 

nmgrrrl, I know just how you feel! I've lived on both sides of the fence, too. You are so right about the treatment.

 

Once I decided not to feel bad about it, to get as much outta life as i can no matter what- i felt better. I made the effort to look my best every day i walked out the door. I worked out and found ways to be the hottest most fuckable BBW on the planet.

....

I have lost most of the weight now and feel much better. Sex with nmturfman is incredible and our play invitations are flowing in. Was it the wieght loss that made me the difference? Physically yea, but it was making the decision to enjoy who I was at that moment, to get the most out of every thing I had, that made me hot- both when I was "fat" and now.

 

We let other ppl's opinions about us rule our lives far too much when the only one that reallly matters is our own. I applaud women of every size who enjoy themselves and live their life the way they want.

 

You have a great attitude! I couldn't agree with you more, don't let other people's opinions rule our lives, we have to live our own and enjoy every moment we can.

 

Something that we have found to be true atleast in our experiences is that the partners we have had who dont have perfect model type bodies are the most fun & the ones who have had excellent bodies seemed shallow,rude & only interested in what they want.

 

This seems to be a stereotype that I've read here several times, and I think it's just as unfortunate as any other stereotype. Sure, there are some snotty people in the world who are thin, but there are snotty or selfish people in all other sizes, too. There are also people who used to be heavier, but aren't now - and they are the same person that they were before.

 

I will give your comments a think...I know this is mostly a personal issue that relates to my comfort levels around swinging. As I said, I have no issues with respect to men and 'vanilla sex' and am very confident in that regard. I'm just terrified that my old insecurities will come out when I see my partner have sex with a thin, gorgeous woman (despite the fact that he told me that he doesn't want us to play with people just because we they might have nice bodies...for him (and myself) the intellectual connection/personalities are much more important...just like many of you have said.

 

So I think that soft swap is the way to go first and see how I feel. If the green eyed monster comes over me I don't ever have to do it again and I can treat it as a learning experience and if not, all the better!

 

Thanks again!

 

Good luck, crazycatz! I hope you keep us posted on how things go for you. Best wishes!

[Chicup 42]

stuff

 

Why do I think if I post my thoughts it will only lead to.... :beatdeadh and flamethrow and a lot of "bangdesk"

 

So to quote the great 'Lord Humungus' I'm going to 'Just walk away.'

[oddcouple2841 16]

I don't understand what I said Chicup. Did I offend you in anyway? If I did, I'm sorry and that wasn't my intent.

 

I went back into the post and looked and didn't see anywhere where I said that word. Am I missing the point of what you were trying to say?

 

Mrs. Oddcouple

[VanHlebar 187]

I am hardly perfect, but I am small fit and one hell of a handful.

 

Well I can attest to that fact! At least from what I saw at the Ohio Meet-up!

 

-Van

[Chicup 42]

I don't understand what I said Chicup. Did I offend you in anyway? If I did, I'm sorry and that wasn't my intent.

 

I went back into the post and looked and didn't see anywhere where I said that word. Am I missing the point of what you were trying to say?

 

Mrs. Oddcouple

 

You haven't been around long enough to see this type of thread in all in various incarnations, but just for fun so you see where some may take issue I'll change your post and think how it would be recieved with that change...

 

When I got with my male half, he only dated one "skinny" girl before me and he will admit that he had a better relationship with her than his "fat" ex-wife. Of course my tits are smaller than what he likes, but he loves me for me, not because of what size I wear.

[oddcouple2841 16]

Ok I'm sorry.

 

Mrs. Oddcouple

[ShellyM 0]

I don't think I'm a small person. I've lost a lot of weight, but like Shelly, it's still not enough. I'll never loose that little pooch I acquired during pregnancy. I've faced that fact. I'll never have the body I had in high school and that's OK -- I'm not in high school. We just go out and have fun whenever the mood strikes. People are less judgemental than we think. We are always our worst critic.

 

Yes, that is so the truth. I can tell you in honesty that I can look at pics of women my size, and even much larger, and say "you know what? Thats one beautiful ass woman." They are confident and gorgeous. But I will look at my picture, and despite myself will literally analyze every inch. I've gotten better, but it is a continuous work in progress. I can find something wrong with every inch of my body lol, hell I even think my nose is crooked. But I am learning to accept myself. As I get into shape I am becoming more confident. Poor Jay, sometimes I feel sorry for him lol, putting up with me.

But yes, I think all women are beautiful, absolutely.

 

This is why its SO IMPORTANT that we raise our girls up to love themselves, no matter their shape. I was never raised that way, it was the classic "you have SUCH a pretty face" lol. I tell Jay that I really don't know how to accept myself, because I was never taught this as a girl. To this day my Mom will look at me and tell me if I drank more water I'd lose weight......SHIT, I've dropped 6 dress sizes Mama, what do you want?! LOL

 

That shows you though ladies. Please yourself and live healthy, and let everyone else get over themselves.

[ShellyM 0]

I'm just terrified that my old insecurities will come out when I see my partner have sex with a thin, gorgeous woman (despite the fact that he told me that he doesn't want us to play with people just because we they might have nice bodies...for him (and myself) the intellectual connection/personalities are much more important...just like many of you have said.

 

So I think that soft swap is the way to go first and see how I feel. If the green eyed monster comes over me I don't ever have to do it again and I can treat it as a learning experience and if not, all the better!

 

Thanks again!

 

Well girl, you are smart for wanting to take things slowly. Remember that the other woman is PROBABLY feeling at least a little bit of the same insecurities you are. Seriously. We were playing with a couple (not the infamous one lol), and she later told Jay that she was feeling self conscious....funny, because I was feeling the same way. And if you are feeling jealous thats pretty normal....just try and not lose control and freak out in the middle of play. I don't know how others handle this, so I'm not the best advice giver in this regards.

 

Do ya'll think maybe she should say something beforehand? But then, you don't want them to feel uncomfortable either. Asking questions here is a good thing. I for one will give you a straight answer, even though it sometimes gets me blocked .

[PaJoKo 15]

I had to put in my 2 cents in here. I'm also a little on the "fluffy" side. My husband wants us to swing and this is the thing that I'm worried about. But I'm worried the other guy may not want me because of my size. I'm bi-curious, and I think curvy women are very beautiful, in a rubenesque kinda way. But it's good to read that so many men and women aren't looking just at your size, but what you can bring to the experience.....

[ohash01 20]

Like everyone, I've fought with this. Winter is coming again and I'm going into psycho-Ashleigh mode going "no winter padding...no winter padding." because that's my cycle. I'm like a bear...I gain weight to hibernate for the winter...then when I come out of my cave in the spring, I lose it again.

 

Sometimes, I think the key to it is making a concentrated effort on seeing what you LOVE about yourself - the rest will follow. With me, it started with me going, okay - I have wonderful skin and a great smile. The pudge I saw when I looked in the mirror started to disappear because I had one GREAT thing I KNEW for fact that I could hang onto.

 

You'll always have people that are going to be rude, and you'll have people that just plain aren't interested. Don't automatically assume it has something to do with your weight. If they said it straight up like that, they're jerks anyway. Most polite people say "I'm sorry - you're just not what we're looking for right now." If they are polite, assume they don't like blondes, or they don't like soft-swingers, or they don't like people who eat sushi. Just DON'T automatically assume it has to do with your size...it'll only make you feel worse.

[crazycatz 17]

Thanks everyone and in particular ShellyM. Your post about jealousy made me feel a lot better. I guess I was thinking that if I felt jealousy that this would be the death knell of our exploration in the scene...and that jealousy meant I was narrowminded. Now I am expecting it and coming up with strategies for when it does happen (with the first MFF experience). On a positive note, I am meeting a bifemale for coffee tomorrow to discuss a possible MFF!

[Tybee Swing 286]

On a positive note, I am meeting a bifemale for coffee tomorrow to discuss a possible MFF!

 

Have fun, and keep us posted!