Why am I being hit on by cheaters??!!!

[SensualDeviant 15]

Arghhh!!

 

Hi All

Sorry about the grrr but I keep getting approached by women in relationships that want to keep things from their hubbies. I am very open, honest and honorable in my profile, but still it seems that some just don't care. I don't play that way and it's frustrating to chat and get to know a woman, only to find that she's trying to play dirty with her significant other. Grrr...

 

[havefuninsun 122]

You are a diamond in the rough -- most single men may not care. Kudos for you!!

[tribbles 490]

Tell them to look down towards LA for what they want.

 

We keep getting hit on by cheating married guys.

 

I'm so sick of it, I'm trying something new....our profile now says "No cheaters" if you are cheating, and lie to us and we find out, we WILL rat you out.

 

Sounds mean but hey, if it works it's worth it. Anyone who has been hit on by cheaters, will understand why it is in our profile.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi SensualDeviant,

 

We're a couple who get hit on often by cheating husbands, and a time or two by cheating wives. We don't go there.

 

In our profiles, we've added a statement about that. It's polite, and it does cut down the cheating traffic. Nothing you add to a profile will eliminate all of it, because so many people don't even read the profile. But if you'd like to cut it down, it does help.

 

Here is our statement: "We're not looking for cheaters doing this behind a partner's back. We just don't feel comfortable being any part of that."

 

Good luck!

[ShellyM 0]

I'm sorry about this....it happens way too often. What I have been told is this. When you are interested in a woman or man, and they say they swing "but my husband is cool with it" ask for the phone number so you can call and speak with the husband in person. Do not email or IM him or her, tell the person you will not meet until you have actually spoken to their spouse. If they say "okay, heres his number, and his name is Bob" you know they are probably on the up and up.......if they get all nervous and say oh he is out of town, etc. you get your things and RUN away.

[Guest MrsVan]

We have ran into our share of married men who want to cheat on their wives but have not come across woman who are cheating on the husbands. The ones that I love are those business men who are "going to be in town for the day" and want to know if you can get together. I sometimes want to send back and say "does your wife know what you do on your business trips?"

 

MrsVan

[bigjoehd 26]

MrsVan said:

The ones that I love are those business men who are "going to be in town for the day" and want to know if you can get together.

 

YUP, we get them quite often & their usernames are almost always something like "fuckmaster2000",our response is always the same.

 

NO THANK YOU.

[good times 991]

While we have had dozens of single guys approach Mrs. GT to meet them on the sly, I have never even heard of a woman doing it to a single guy before.

[Tybee Swing 286]

It may not be the norm to many of us, married women seeking single guys to cheat on their husbands with, but it happens. After all, if you read the statistics these days, women are cheating now very nearly equally to men these days.

 

Not all single men are pigs, and not all are flattered by married women trying to hook up with them behind someone's back - and maybe they don't like being played, either. The OP said, "It's frustrating to chat and get to know a woman, only to find that she's trying to play dirty with her significant other." It sounds like these women start talking to him and trying to reel him in before they ever tell him they're cheating. I could see how that would be frustrating. Maybe like the rest of us, he doesn't want the drama of a cheater.

 

Just my thoughts.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

If he is new to an ad site, he is probably receiving lots of contacts...that's common when anyone joins a new site, whether you are a couple or single.

 

And if he is new to swinging, even if he has only had 5 contacts, 3 may be from married woman wanting to cheat. I've seen such profiles so I know they exist. How prolific they are may depend on the part of the country and the ad site.

 

SD mentions when he is "chatting" with women he discovers - to his disappointment - that they are looking for sex without telling their husband. In chatrooms and through IM'ing I imagine this "request from a cheater" could be prevalent. The woman in chat - if she even is a woman (we must all remember that some cyber rompers aren't who they say they are) - may only be living a fantasy that she would never live out.

 

And where does he say he has an SLS profile? Did I miss that?

 

I hope SD comes back and let's us know more about himself.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It also might be that while we have had dozens of single guys approach Mrs. GT to meet them on the sly, I have never even heard of a woman doing it to a single guy before.

 

I have. There are plenty of women out there looking to cheat and who better than a single guy who doesn't have any issues sleeping with another man's wife.

 

There was a situation this weekend at my local club where a single guy met upwith a couple. I have no idea how this came about since apparently the couple doesn't do single guys... and after an hour or so of her making otu with the guy the husband put an end to it. But it didn't end, the next day she approached the club hosts trying to get said single guy's contact info behind her hubby's back. So, yes it happens in swinging... and I'm sure there are just as many married women who aren't in swinging that are out there looking for men to cheat with - otherwise the personal ads sites that cater to that (cheating) demo wouldn't exist.

 

Women are by no means any better than men in these situations.

 

As for this thread. I didn't move it. I did consider moving it to the singles forum... which is actually where it originated...but I figured that both singles and couples deal with cheaters so it was a pretty open topic. Evidently, that is the same thought that the mods there had in moving it to General Swingers.

 

Now, let's try to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming that everyone has an agenda. Maybe instead of questioning his motives we can have a decent conversation on the topic of cheaters (both male and female) who attempt to use swinger venues to cheat.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was thinking more about this thread and the thought hit me that we had discussed this before... and I was right...

 

wives on the prowl

[Tybee Swing 286]

...we can have a decent conversation on the topic of cheaters (both male and female) who attempt to use swinger venues to cheat.

 

Where we live, there are a couple of large military installations very near. With the war going on and men far from home for lengthy periods of time, we've run across several "single females" with profiles who turn out to be military wives who are entertaining themselves while their hubbies are away.

 

Having gotten into email exchanges with some, we learn later - after 2-3 emails - that they're married and that their husbands don't know what they're up to. They are not swingers with the husband away....they're just cheating wives looking for men or a couple to entertain them.

 

Personally, we don't go there.

[Dooode 18]

Sorrry about the grrr but I keep getting approached by women in relationships that want to keep things from their hubbys. I am very open, honest and honorable in my profile, but still it seems that some just don't care. I don't play that way and it's frustrating to chat and get to know a woman, only to find that she's trying to play dirty with her significant other.

Yup, I get that too. But most of the time it's from closet bi-guys who hide their orientation from their wives. I encourage them to include their wives in their fantasies and pursuits, then I drop 'em.

 

I don't want to be a reason a couple splits up. I've gotten caught up with married or engaged ladies before (years ago) and I never want to get put in that position of contributing to the break-up of a marriage. If they fuck it up themselves, that's their responsibility. But I refuse to be put into a position of contributing to the break-up.

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

We have actually been hit on by cheating couples ...five or six times in fact. By cheating couple, I mean that they are both married, but not to each other. And for us...."that dog don't hunt'

[WesternSwing 504]

Although the approach to this post is a little strange, from personal experience I can say that it does happen.

 

After I was divorced and before I met Mrs. WS I dated quite a bit for a while. Mrs. WS and one other woman were the only single women I had sex with during this time. I wasn't looking for them, but they found me. For instance, I met a Meg Ryan look-a-like at a club one night. She was out with friends. We hit it off really well and she told her friends I'd give her a ride home. Which I did. When we got there I asked to go in and she said her kids were asleep and didn't want to wake them, but then went down on me right there in the driveway. I asked for her phone number afterward and she gave it to me and told me not to call after 5 since her husband would be home. I asked where he was and she said "asleep upstairs".

 

Crap like that would happen. I think some might have had a open relationship, but most were just cheating. Like others have mentioned, the percentage of women cheating is almost equal to that of men. Now, I don't think they are using swingers sites to find men to cheat with though. I think it is more like my experience, picking-up guys at clubs, or coworkers, neighbors, etc.

 

Mr. WS

[Ou812ic 15]

I know this will ADD a little something to this thread..

Hell I'm LOOKING for Cheating Wives !!!!

[lickudry 15]

What the hell is the difference? Whether the wife or husband is there if you are not doing it with your own wife or husband you are cheating on them. So what the f****. Maybe some of us married men would like to experience some sexual freedom, fulfill fantasies that our wives won't.

[ShellyM 0]

What the hell is the difference? Whether the wife or husband is there if you are not doing it with your own wife or husband you are cheating on them. So what the f****. Maybe some of us married men would like to experience some sexual freedom, fulfill fantasies that our wives won't.

 

I wouldn't say that now. Now, if I were to want to play with a woman, and Jay said "okay, but I'll be present to watch", then I don't see that as cheating at all. He is present and consentual. Cheating is going behind his back and sneaking around. So, there are situations where only 1 partner has sex, but I would not categorize that as cheating.

[SouthBond 18]

So you are being pursued by married women wishing to cheat on their husbands. First, make sure that your will is up-to-date. You might go ahead and purchase a burial policy. Be sure and have health insurance in case they fail to finish you off. The car following you with the camera may belong to the other husband or a private detective. The husband my solve the problem, without a fatality, by taking your scrotum, cutting a one inch slice, pushing the testicles out and snipping the cord on each little bean. Then all that you will think about, thereafter, will be getting plenty to eat. I hope that dude is not you. Of course what should take place, is for the wife to say husband, you just are not taking care of my sexual needs. Either you help me find a new playmate or I am going to find one myself. What do you plan to do? Then he runs to the swinger board and confides with TyBee and learns that the solution is to swing. Then everybody lives happy ever after and you still have your rock collection.

[Chicup 42]

lickudry said:

What the hell is the difference? Whether the wife or husband is there if you are not doing it with your own wife or husband you are cheating on them. So what the f****. Maybe some of us married men would like to experience some sexual freedom, fulfill fantasies that our wives won't.

 

If you can't tell the difference between going behind your wife's back and having your wife allow or arrange extramarital sex, then I can understand why you are so unhappy with your sex life that you are willing to risk your marriage just to get a piece of tail. You sir do not belong here, but perhaps you can find an equally screwed up woman at a local bar and you can cheat on your spouses together there.

[Thrax 384]

I have no idea if the OP's story is true or just a come-on. But what he says can happen: I've been hit on by two married women -- without their husbands' knowledge, from what they eventually told me -- since I started exploring swinging about six years ago. So, for me it's been extremely rare, but the attempts were there.

 

The first occurred about three or four years ago when the operator of a now-defunct PA on-premise club emailed me to tell me that a woman who had attended that club periodically was interested in contacting me. She and I had never met. But she had talked to him and his wife at one of the on-premise gatherings and told them how much she wanted to hookup with a single male. They thought of me and she approved of them sending me her Yahoo profile link.

 

The owner and wife did not mention that she was married. I can't remember if they knew. She listed herself as single in her Yahoo profile. It turned out that she wasn't. I had a long IM conversation with her and it turned out that her husband -- because of medical problems -- could not sexually satisfy her, so she was looking for a guy to hookup with occasionally. At least that was her story. I asked her if her husband was okay with this and she told me that she wasn't going to tell him. I told her that if I could meet him -- or talk to him on the phone and KNOW it was him -- and get his okay, then I would really consider it. I thought it was possible that some husbands might actually condone such a situation if he was sexually incapable but wanted her to have some sexual satisfaction. In my book, if they would BOTH be comfortable with such a setup, then I would consider it. She didn't like that reply and our conversation ended.

 

If her profile pic was accurate, she WAS a hottie. But the whole situation left me squirmingly uncomfortable, so I turned her down. I date in the vanilla world, and I get the occasional hookup in SwingWorld, but I'm not desperate enough to risk a situation like this. And if she's admitting that she'd be concealing this from her husband, then what else might she be concealing from me?

 

Bye-bye.

 

The second contact was through my Yahoo Profile, but I don't know if she found me through a Yahoo group I belong to or through this Board. She IM'd me and within a few minutes I established that she was exploring without her hubby's knowledge. I very politely told her I was not interested.

 

You know, I'm not trying to appear self-righteous here. I'm into this for a little kinky fun, as an enhancement to my "vanilla" sex life. I don't need the drama and potential danger of clandestine activity. I don't need the idea that I might be destroying a relationship, however one-sided. I'm not going to try to screw a married woman in the course of my vanilla dating activities, and I don't need it in this venue either. If other men -- single or married -- and some women (and obviously they are out there) want to cheat, then that's on their conscience(s). I don't want to deal with that.

 

And a last note, concerning profiles. When I started this I decided to initially just get out and meet people, so I went to some on-premise clubs that accepted single males, and I got involved in Yahoo Groups that did the same. I knew from a lot of research (that I did before I dipped my toe -- or whatever -- in the swinging waters) that many people regard single males very suspiciously (and in many cases there is good cause for SwingWorld's single male stereotype).

 

Consequently, I thought the best way for me to get involved was to actually try to meet people face-to-face first. It worked, so I've refrained from setting up profiles in too many places. The only profiles I maintain are in some Eastern Ohio and Western PA Yahoo Groups, plus the restricted members-only site of the on-premise club I belong to, and the limited profile on this Board. I am not on SLS, AFF, or similar sites, but if I get an inquiry from a couple or a single female, after some communication, if I think they/she are aboveboard, then I'm happy to provide more pics and information. And we can take it from there.