Feeling up without asking: is this normal?

[Tybee Swing 286]

I have a recurring problem and I could use your opinions and thoughts on this. This thing happens to me SO OFTEN, it's led me to believe that it's the norm in situations at clubs and parties. I really, really dislike this and there's no way to fend it off before it starts to happen. I wish there were. All that's left is to react to it after it starts to happen.

 

The situation: We'll be at a house party or a club, the kinds of places that are "no expectations" settings. Things start to get mildly playful, such as during an icebreaker game or something, or dancing, etc. Women will come up to me and start flirting. That's great. Almost instantaneously, a man I don't know and possibly haven't even seen, comes up on me and starts with the hands all over me. It turns out to be her husband.

 

Sometimes, I've been briefly introduced to the man in passing. Maybe we even exchanged a sentence. But always, these are men I haven't flirted with nor have they flirted with me, or charmed me in any way. But, just because their wife is flirting with me and maybe I kiss her back, suddenly he has the RIGHT to start feeling me up?? Usually she's in front of me and she and I are having some sort of face-to-face interaction, sometimes quite mild, and this sleeze-ball comes up behind me to sandwich me in.

 

Do any of you do this?

Do any of you see this going on?

Does this happen to you?

 

It's happening to me just about every time we go to the parties now. If I was attracted to the man and if we'd been flirting, I'd be glad for this to be happening. But that's not the case. Yes, I like men and I'm not the "married lesbian" that people on this board talk about. I just have to know a guy a little more and get attracted, before he's laying his hands on me. I need a man to flirt me up and talk to me, first. I'll be attracted to some, but definitely not all of the men there.

 

I'm getting the vibe that this is the way certain couples prey on women in the club, whom they may have picked out of the pack. I have a feeling this is their M.O. Then they circle her and zone in, baiting her with a friendly woman, and then a minute or two later, the man goes in behind her for the kill. It's like Wild Kingdom or something. By the way, this isn't even naked or semi-naked, and it's not even in the sex areas. It's in the main area. But to be honest, even in the sex area, I DO NOT want some man coming up behind me uninvited and putting his hands all over me. Talk to me, get to know me, turn me on, and THEN we'll see if you can slide up on me.

 

Anybody else?? This has happened so many times, I'm ready to pin a sign on my ass saying "Keep away, unless you've talked to The Face and gotten permission first" Arrrgh! I'm just frustrated with this.

 

I could give examples and varying degrees of this, but it would make this post too long.

 

Some may wonder where my husband is in all of this. We're together the whole time except for the usual bathroom breaks, him going to the bar for us, him turned away slightly talking to somebody else, etc. These things that happen, they don't go on and on, because now I'm just stepping aside as soon as Mr. McFeely comes up on me, and moving away from them. I'm just tired of it happening. It's been various people who do this.

 

Isn't there a rule that you shouldn't touch someone sexually unless you get an invitation to do so? I sure wish there were, and that everyone knew it.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Isn't there a rule that you shouldn't touch someone sexually unless you get an invitation to do so?

 

In most clubs this is a rule - though I am not sure how house parties post, advertise or enforce their rules... Still you would think that it would be common snese that you just don't start grabbing someone who hasn't given you the "go ahead" to do so...

 

Whether that is verbal or obvious in a non-verbal way (men who can't read non-verbal cues probably ought to write this on their shirt so as not to make asses out of themselves).

 

Unfortunately their are always going to be morons in the lifestyle - and maybe they are the kind of guys who would never actually get a real invitation and they know it - so they wait until there is a suitable moment for them to make incredibly awkward...

 

I had a woman do this and it really pissed me off. I mean - I know better - and if I did it it would be clearly classless - but if a woman does it, I am just supposed to be flattered... She walked up and grabbed my cock (cute little blond actually, but still not acceptable). So I looked at her and said, "I guess that means I can do this..." And I grabbed her pussy through her skirt and smiled.

 

She got the picture and we've not spoken since.

 

Yeah - it happens and it does piss me off. But maybe the folks that do this are the types of folks who would never have anyone do this to them...

 

Spoomonkey

[WildMiCouple 325]

Wow Tybee, sounds like you're hanging with the wrong crowd . I never feel a woman up without her flirting and then coming on to me first. And even then, it's usually after she's felt me up I must say, I haven't noticed Tam getting felt up much either(can't ask her right now). Well....other than our very first visit to a club quite some time ago. We mostly go to off-premise dances and have been to a few house parties. I honestly don't remember having this happen without us knowing the guy or couple pretty well first. And Tammy sure hasn't mentioned it.

 

As we don't have this happen, I've never really thought about how you'd guard against it. Perhaps a stern look, or just suddenly excusing yourself might get the point across. I'm curious as to how many others this happens to.

 

Brett

[Tybee Swing 286]

Spoo, thank you, I appreciate that. It got so bad the last time that I wondered if I am the one that's wrong about this. About your story, I agree, it's just as bad for some random woman to come up on you and put her hands on you, too.

 

Brett, thank you, too. About giving a stern look or just walking away: I do walk away, but this is after it's happened. I'd rather be where it's not happening to start with.

 

The worst case was when I subtly removed the man's hands from me three different times that night - he got the point, I knew it, because he later made some comment to his wife (half-joke) that I didn't seem to like him. On the 4th time (yes, he tried again), he slid his finger up my butt-crack when I was slightly bent over the pool table. Yep, he reached up my skirt. This time, I turned around to him and we had words...but even then, I was being a lady and only said it loud enough for him and his wife to hear me. He got pissy, and angrily was talking to his wife about me right after that. The only word I caught was "bitch". They left soon after. The host told me they won't be invited back. But meanwhile, we should not have to put up with this crap! Even one time is one time too many, as far as I'm concerned.

 

Brett, you said maybe we're hanging with the wrong crowd. I think you're right, and even though many of our friends go to this house party, I think we're not going back. We're going to look elsewhere. We have to travel to get to real swinger's clubs, but I think that aside from one-on-one connections around home, we'll just have to travel on the few occasions we might be able to go.

 

Thanks for backing me on this, I feel better already.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

We can understand your frustration and anger about this. Touching someone without asking first is rude and inappropriate, and that goes for both men and women. You need to ask whoever is in charge of the parties you go to if this is considered appropriate behavior at their parties. MOST clubs and parties frown on this and it is considered a BIG no no. There are a few clubs around here that some of the women seem to think that it is ok for them to touch or grope whenever they wish without asking, especially if it is another woman that they are touching. They think that because they are a woman it is ok.

A and P (Mrs. Ménage and the Other Mrs. Ménage) get upset whenever someone they do not know touches without asking first. And they both will rather quickly and bluntly tell them just how rude they are. Mr. Ménage is always a gentleman and NEVER touches a woman unless he has been given permission to do so first (even with women from couples we have played with).

If this were happening to us at a club or party, we would not hesitate to tell the rude person to knock it off and we would definitely let the person running the club or party what is going on. That is the only way to change that kind of behavior.

Hope this helps.

The Ménage’s

[ShellyM 0]

Im going to tell you, no one has any right to lay their hands on me without my permission EVER. Thats like when a prostitute is raped and they say "well, if she weren't dressed like that maybe she wouldn't have been raped". No way in my book.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think you're right, and even though many of our friends go to this house party, I think we're not going back.

 

A light went on when you said this!

 

We have only been to one party and the couple that threw it is really awesome and a fun couple to play with at the club... We were nervous about a house party and they told us it would be no big deal - so we went thinking it was something we really needed to try out...

 

We weren't in the house for fifteen minutes when I walked into the kitchen and some jackass made a bee-line over to Mrs Spoo and planted a huge kiss on her. He had a boa that was being passed around the party and he came over to put it around her neck...

 

But then he quickly pulled her close and stuck his tongue in her mouth...

 

I saw the kiss - but not the approach - and it wasn't until later that she told me it was unwelcome and unasked for. But when she told me, she said I couldn't say anything to him about it. Needless to say, I was pissed - as was Mrs Spoo. But this had never happened, so she was unsure what to do.

 

We left early and apparently this guy became more pushy and more asinine as the night went on, insisting that the games that were being played included nudity and sexual rewards...

 

He ruined the party and was not invited back...

 

It is our impression that house parties tend to have an atmosphere where there is a lot more expectation that anyone can touch, kiss, fondle anyone else. This has always been our hesitency for going to house parties - and having our impression proved true at our very first one probably guarantees that we won't try another.

 

This was not a couple we'd have played with based first on their appearance - second on his attitude. And we are a fairly picky couple - which we feel we have the right to be - and we cringe at any situation that means people we aren't into can have their way with us (one reason we tend to hate party games).

 

Mentioning house parties reminded me of that memory - which still really pisses me off...

 

Spoomonkey

[Mrs.PaganLovers 15]

Ok, never been to a house party and from the sounds of it, probably won't. I have been lucky and no one has ever gotten out of hand, except one time at a club, and it wasn't one of the guests. There was a band there and it was open mic (it was a swingers club). We were playing drums with the band (which was a vanilla band), the lead vocalist came up to me and grabbed my hand and pulled it to his crotch. I took my hand out of his reach. The other time was when I was modeling in a vanilla club and a guy tried to untie my evening gown in the back. It was the end of the night, I was tired and my feet hurt (don't ever pick on a woman when her feet hurt!), I grabbed the back of my dress with one hand and drew the other hand back and hit him. I am a small woman and it just bounced off of him (hhmm remind me to ask Pretty Lady for lessons). The next thing I said was "what makes you think you have the right to put your hands on me!". Needless to say, he back pedaled pretty damn quick.

 

Having said all that, I realized that my reaction in the vanilla club was much different than in the swingers club and it shouldn't have been. No one has the right to put their hands on me unless it is invited! I guess it was because of the different atmosphere, it will never happen again. I don't care where I am or the expectations, there are jerks everywhere, and they will be promptly put in their place by this little lady, and they will be reminded that I am a LADY. Ladies stand up for yourselves and speak when someone is out of line!

Ok, jumping off my soap box now.

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

[BradAndJanet 70]

Well...I can see from your avatar that you do have one of those hard-to-resist perfect asses.

 

Still, a man's got to contain himself and not get carried away. He was wrong to assume anything. He was a jerk and I'll bet it's not the first time.

 

-B

[Spoomonkey 421]

Well...I can see from your avatar that you do have one of those hard-to-resist perfect asses.

 

Yeah... I thought the same thing

 

Chances are, she'd end up slapping the hell out of me, too

 

But - WOW - she induces a case of the shakes doesn't she???

 

Spoomonkey

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

I've seen that too. Laurie very nearly broke a mans thumb at a Halloween party over this very issue. She told him once clearly and politely that she was not interested and he persisted. Laurie used to be an auxiliary officer for our local police dept and has had the self defence training. she grabbed his thumb and twisted till he whimpered.

We've been active in the lifestyle for a few months and know dozens of great couples. Of all the women I know, other than Laurie, there are exactly 2 women who I would feel comfortable putting my hands on. Even with those 2 I would probably start with a back rub and check for reaction. If the lady I'm paying attention to gives a positive reaction to that I'll move on from there. If not I haven't really stepped over the line into rudeness.

I know I'm truly annoyed when I see Laurie having to deal with rude and unwelcome advances so i wont do that to anyone else. It's just politeness.

As for house parties, there are different sorts. Laurie and I attend a party that is very low pressure. Mr. almost broken thumb was asked not to come back.

At our party there is no public play usually. There are private bedrooms upstairs for that. The party games are non contact types. The big Halloween party game was bobbing for goodies. There were gummi boobies and dicks in a big bowl of water and you tried to suck one up with a straw.

Another house party we WONT be going back to was simply walk in, get naked, and start humping. Not our kind of thing. You might have to look around a bit to find one that fits, but I'm sure glad we did.

[gatorvol64 216]

Having said all that, I realized that my reaction in the vanilla club was much different than in the swingers club and it shouldn't have been.

 

No, it shouldn't but I doubt you are the only one to react that way. I do not care where you are at, the grocery store or at a club or house party, no one has that right. At all. Just because my husband and I choose to let others into our sex life does not mean I (or him , Spoo) shouldn't be treated with respect.

 

Vol

[Spoomonkey 421]

Just because my husband and I choose to let others into our sex life does not mean I (or him , Spoo) shouldn't be treated with respect.

 

I would like to say, though, that if you ever grabbed my crotch uninvited, I doubt I'd be the least bit bothered by it, Vol

 

Ditto to Tybee as the OP, of course

 

Spoomonkey

[gatorvol64 216]

I would like to say, though, that if you ever grabbed my crotch uninvited, I doubt I'd be the least bit bothered by it, Vol

 

Ditto to Tybee as the OP, of course

 

Spoomonkey

 

Well, now, I definitely will remember that!!

 

Vol

[intuition897 2,179]

Maybe try coming up with some kind of clever T-shirt or pants/underwear that get the idea across. Something that just screams, 'Touch any of this without asking and you lose the offending body part.'

 

I'm afraid I'm not too clever about stuff like this, so does anyone have any clever T-shirt punchlines that would get this idea across? Something that ends in 'Offenders will have their balls removed (by an angry husband with a dull spoon).'?

[ShellyM 0]

You know, I think you can have a look that tells men "touch and you'll get a nub back"...be careful with that one though, because you may repel even those that you DO want to touch something lol.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hey everybody, thanks for all the support tonight! I just came back online and saw all these kind posts.

 

You need to ask whoever is in charge of the parties you go to if this is considered appropriate behavior at their parties.

 

This is just a house party hosted by one couple, and they don't post any rules. All that's sent out to newcomers is directions to the house. That's fine for them, but from now on we'll stick with the organized clubs that have rules, orientations for all newcomers, etc. We have to travel, but better that than getting offended every time we go out.

 

A light went on when you said this!

 

We have only been to one party and the couple that threw it is really awesome and a fun couple to play with at the club... We were nervous about a house party and they told us it would be no big deal - so we went thinking it was something we really needed to try out...

 

We weren't in the house for fifteen minutes when I walked into the kitchen and some jackass made a bee-line over to Mrs Spoo and planted a huge kiss on her. He had a boa that was being passed around the party and he came over to put it around her neck...

 

But then he quickly pulled her close and stuck his tongue in her mouth...

 

I saw the kiss - but not the approach - and it wasn't until later that she told me it was unwelcome and unasked for. But when she told me, she said I couldn't say anything to him about it. Needless to say, I was pissed - as was Mrs Spoo. But this had never happened, so she was unsure what to do.

 

We left early and apparently this guy became more pushy and more asinine as the night went on, insisting that the games that were being played included nudity and sexual rewards...

 

He ruined the party and was not invited back...

 

It is our impression that house parties tend to have an atmosphere where there is a lot more expectation that anyone can touch, kiss, fondle anyone else. This has always been our hesitency for going to house parties - and having our impression proved true at our very first one probably guarantees that we won't try another.

 

This was not a couple we'd have played with based first on their appearance - second on his attitude. And we are a fairly picky couple - which we feel we have the right to be - and we cringe at any situation that means people we aren't into can have their way with us (one reason we tend to hate party games).

 

Mentioning house parties reminded me of that memory - which still really pisses me off...

 

Spoomonkey

 

Thanks Spoo, this sounds soooo similiar! It's much like how I feel at these house parties when this stuff happens out of the blue, like Mrs. Spoo felt. Like you said, we'd never have played with this couple with the offensive guy, either. He was repulsive to me, very unattractive, and even had a stereotypical comb-over! UM, pass! LOL But worst of all was his attitude - he was just a total jerk. The host won't be inviting him back because apparently he caused trouble at a prior party a few weeks earlier and upset somebody - 2 strikes and he's out. However, there are new ones like him that will probably be at the next party.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I've seen that too. Laurie very nearly broke a mans thumb at a Halloween party over this very issue. She told him once clearly and politely that she was not interested and he persisted. Laurie used to be an auxiliary officer for our local police dept and has had the self defence training. she grabbed his thumb and twisted till he whimpered.

 

Wow, I'm in awe! I wish I had Laurie's balls. Maybe Laurie and Prettylady could give us gals some lessons!

[Tybee Swing 286]

Having said all that, I realized that my reaction in the vanilla club was much different than in the swingers club and it shouldn't have been. No one has the right to put their hands on me unless it is invited! I guess it was because of the different atmosphere, it will never happen again. I don't care where I am or the expectations, there are jerks everywhere, and they will be promptly put in their place by this little lady, and they will be reminded that I am a LADY. Ladies stand up for yourselves and speak when someone is out of line!

Ok, jumping off my soap box now.

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

 

I'm sorry you got mauled like that! You are right, regardless of what kind of club we're in or what we're there for, respect should be at the forefront, and no matter what, a woman's permission should be clear to a guy before any groping commences. Hugs!

[MoonLightKiss 28]

Tybee, you will never be in the wrong for feeling that way. No man or woman EVER has the right to start copping a feel without permission. Next time a guy does it you could always look at him and say "and you are?" When he says "Insert name here" You could always put on your best and most flirtatious smile and say "Well my name is Tybee, now that we have been properly introduced, you may now proceed to kiss my ass." and walk away. But then again...

 

May not be the most ladylike approach. Probably not advisable, either, so chalk it up to my jack and coke talking lol...

[Tybee Swing 286]

Well...I can see from your avatar that you do have one of those hard-to-resist perfect asses.

 

*blush* Thanks, Brad and Spoo. We need a blushing icon on here. LOL

 

Still, a man's got to contain himself and not get carried away. He was wrong to assume anything. He was a jerk and I'll bet it's not the first time.

 

You're right! We learned after the party that he offended somebody and started a ruckus at another place a few weeks earlier. In fact he was told "no" in a sexual situation, where he was trying to join in, and seemed to be not be taking no for an answer. Someone had to step in and handle him.

 

You know what's sad, his wife seemed like a very nice lady. I actually felt sorry for her.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Tybee, you will never be in the wrong for feeling that way. No man or woman EVER has the right to start copping a feel without permission. Next time a guy does it you could always look at him and say "and you are?" When he says "Insert name here" You could always put on your best and most flirtatious smile and say "Well my name is Tybee, now that we have been properly introduced, you may now proceed to kiss my ass." and walk away. But then again...

 

May not be the most ladylike approach. Probably not advisable, either, so chalk it up to my jack and coke talking lol...

 

LOL! I'm kind of leaning right now toward the thumb-twisting maneuver. And Intuition's idea about panties with a warning printed across the ass....how about, "touch this and DIE"? Now that will make me real popular, huh?

[Darkblue 55]

Well...I can see from your avatar that you do have one of those hard-to-resist perfect asses.

 

Still, a man's got to contain himself and not get carried away. He was wrong to assume anything. He was a jerk and I'll bet it's not the first time.

 

-B

 

I would agree with that statement as well!! it must be hard to resist but hey if you cant control yourself then you shouldnt be at the Party in the first place....

 

I am glad to say we have never had that problem just due to the fact that Germans are very reserved and wouldnt touch unless they were invited to do so!! so i can leave the Mrs alone for hours (not that i want to) i would know that she is safe and no one will bother her unless she wants them too.. and i agree no one has the right to touch anyone else wether it be a female or a male without being asked or asking!!..

I do put my arm around a women but thats all if she wants me to go further then she will let me know in one way or another!!

 

I feel sorry for those who have to put with these jerks.

Personly i would of grabbed them by the balls and twisted them slightly then tell you like to inflict pain and lots of it and would they like to play a bit more!!

 

 

Steve

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I think this thread is just Tybee bragging that "she is so hot, the men can't keep their hands off her."

 

And from the picture I was looking at, I have to agree.

 

In seriousness though, I know I wouldn't think about any sort of groping without some sort of indication it was welcomed. I think it's totally inappropriate.

 

Mr. Truelove

[Darkblue 55]

Mrs Tybee doent have to brag, we can all see she is hotter than hot!!

 

 

Steve

 

I wanna move to the states!!!!

[Guest MrsVan]

I would like to say, though, that if you ever grabbed my crotch uninvited, I doubt I'd be the least bit bothered by it, VolSpoomonkey

 

I can say that Spoo is the least bothered by someone grabbing his crotch uninvited. facelick As I seem to recall some of that going on at the Meetup.

 

MrsVan

[Spoomonkey 421]

I can say that Spoo is the least bothered by someone grabbing his crotch uninvited. facelick As I seem to recall some of that going on at the Meetup.

 

I was just trying to be a good host - and what kind of host doesn't share his goodies???

 

 

Spoomonkey

[Guest MrsVan]

I was just trying to be a good host - and what kind of host doesn't share his goodies???

 

 

Spoomonkey

 

Oh, you were a good host I am not complaining at all...

 

MrsVan

[Tybee Swing 286]

It seems like all the fun is happening in Ohio. If it weren't so far from the beach, I'd be tempted to move up there.

[getnit2gethr 15]

Yea. I've noticed that sort of behavior going on at clubs and was recently wondering about that too. To me it's wrong and I can't bring myself to do it. They have to literally ask me to. Sometimes even give me a good smack to get my attention, lol.

 

It is a little confusing to me. It appears that some women welcome it. Others might go along with it cause they think it's normal. Surprisingly, I have yet to notice anyone complain about it. You are the first. I'm not even sure how my own wife feels about it. I'm gonna ask.

[Dooode 18]

Well. I think I'm gonna play devil's advocate on this one.

 

Do any of you do this? yes.

Do any of you see this going on? sure.

Does this happen to you? of course.

 

Aside from the fact that several of us are regulars at our house parties, even those that aren't play exactly the same game--once they catch on. As a matter of fact, we have a "get acquainted" dip in the pool where we all move around, touching and getting close to each other, getting a feel for who's interesting ... and interested!

 

I honestly can't envision some question like, "Hello. May I touch you?" at our parties. Hell, I wouldn't know how to go about it! LOL

 

However, "no" still does mean "NO!" and that simple rule is inflexible. I can only think of two times that anyone has ever said "no". I would leave them alone and not pursue further. It's called respect.

 

If you're going to a house party that's typically "hardcore" in theme, then you can pretty much expect to be touched. But if you're not interested, you can just as easily say "no thanks" and if the person is respectful, they'll leave you alone. If they continue to make you uncomfortable with unwanted touches, the hosts should be alerted.

 

I think it's a little naive to go to a hardcore house party and expect to be asked to be touched. Body language speaks just as well as words: moving the offending hand away still means "NO!".

 

And "NO!" still should be respected.

 

*cha-CHING!*

 

Two cents.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think it's a little naive to go to a hardcore house party and expect to be asked to be touched.

 

Really?

 

I had no idea that "hardcore" and "respect" were mutually exclusive.

 

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi Doooode,

 

I don't mind you playing devil's advocate. I'll answer your points.

 

Well. I think I'm gonna play devil's advocate on this one.

 

Do any of you do this? yes.

Do any of you see this going on? sure.

Does this happen to you? of course.

 

Aside from the fact that several of us are regulars at our house parties, even those that aren't play exactly the same game--once they catch on. As a matter of fact, we have a "get acquainted" dip in the pool where we all move around, touching and getting close to each other, getting a feel for who's interesting ... and interested!

 

This house party we've been to isn't a hardcore house party. The hosts themselves are soft swing, with only special exceptions, and they never even play at their parties (they sometimes entertain a select couple during a private dinner party). They have a couple of rooms available during the party should things evolve for others, and they just let everyone do what they do, as far as what others may want to do. Before we went the first time, we checked into them as carefully as we could because we wanted to make sure that this was a no-drugs-allowed party, and that there were no expectations for play. We like to choose who, if and when regarding playmates. We're selective. If we went to a party and there was no one couple there that appealed to both of us, we'd just socialize, enjoy the evening and go home later. If we like people there who don't play at parties but want to get together with us at another time, we exchange numbers for the future. That's the kind of party this one is, for the most part.

 

I honestly can't envision some question like, "Hello. May I touch you?" at our parties. Hell, I wouldn't know how to go about it! LOL

 

I like men who don't need to just reach out and start touching, nor ask to touch me (especially if they don't even know me). I like men who can make eye contact, introduce themselves, have some conversation, and we "feel out" along the way through body language and verbal communication if we're attracted, or not. My husband and I especially like to meet a couple where both are doing this with us at the same time, so we can all four figure out if we're all attracted. 9 times out of 10, couples only play if both approve, and we find that getting acquainted this way works out best. If people are adept at socializing and communicating, sometimes it's only minutes before all parties are becoming aware that they're attracted. It doesn't necessarily have to be a courtship process that takes all night long.

 

I think it's a little naive to go to a hardcore house party and expect to be asked to be touched.

 

Personally, no matter what kind of party I'm at, I don't want to be just touched nor asked to be touched. I'm not the kind to get into a dogpile of bodies anyway, not my thing, so fortunately I won't have to be in a situation where groping of strangers, or even inserting things in me by strangers and then having to say "no", is going to happen.

 

Body language speaks just as well as words: moving the offending hand away still means "NO!".

 

Body language only works if you can see them coming. If they come in with a tactical rear assault, you can't even give them that. LOL!

 

Some things that have happened to me that made me have to react negatively: having my head grabbed and a tongue jabbed down my throat (unwanted kissing, if you can call that a kiss), having my shirt pulled down to grab a breast and either grab at my nipple or stick it in their mouth, and all kinds of coming up behind maneuvers where I didn't even see them coming, including attempting to finger my pussy or poke around my asshole. There's more of the coming up behind than anything, and that pisses me off the most; maybe they don't want to look me in the eye so that they can avoid the "no", and just take what they want. Whatever the reason, I hate that maneuver.

 

I think that some of these people who come to the party I just described above, may think that they're at a party like the one you just described. That's probably the seat of the whole problem. Since the hosts don't state any groundrules and don't explain things to people (unless they happen to ask a lot of questions, like we did), we'll just avoid that whole scene and find places that suit us better. We may sometimes play the same night we meet people, if they're classy, approach us with respect and friendliness, and if they turn us on. Not everybody turns us on.

 

I don't feel I was naive going into this party, in that we got to know the hosts first, asked them tons of questions before we went to one of their parties the first time, and we talked to our mutual friends who'd been to their parties. Like I said, I think that some of the guests come with their own expectations and ideas in their head, and nobody's telling them any differently.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[mrs good times 73]

I have been in this situation before also and I find that "the look" works pretty well. I good stern WTF look will get rid of most guys pretty fast. If it doesn't then you should inform the hosts and have them removed. I've done this too and don't feel the least bit bothered by it.

 

I have also had guys I don't know ask if they can touch. I have no problem with that whether the answer is yes or no because at least I know they know the rules and respect them.

[Dooode 18]

I think that some of these people who come to the party I just described above, may think that they're at a party like the one you just described. That's probably the seat of the whole problem. Since the hosts don't state any groundrules and don't explain things to people (unless they happen to ask a lot of questions, like we did), we'll just avoid that whole scene and find places that suit us better. We may sometimes play the same night we meet people, if they're classy, approach us with respect and friendliness, and if they turn us on. Not everybody turns us on.

No, obviously not everyone turns everyone else on ... that would be over the top also.

 

You may very well be right in that people think that it's a puppy pile from the word "go!". Personally, I've never been to a house party that was otherwise (other than the getting acquainted sessions), so I wouldn't know what a "mild" themed party would look like.

 

Being grabbed the way you describe sounds excessive, even from my standpoint.

 

Thank you for the comments about not needing to verbally ask! (that kinda freaked me out! LOL). And obviously I agree with body cues as well. I don't agree with "sneaking up behind you" neither. You SHOULD know who is touching you.

 

I don't feel I was naive going into this party, in that we got to know the hosts first, asked them tons of questions before we went to one of their parties the first time, and we talked to our mutual friends who'd been to their parties. Like I said, I think that some of the guests come with their own expectations and ideas in their head, and nobody's telling them any differently.

From my view, those are the hosts being panty-waists and not making the rules known and enforcing them. Can't say I blame you for not going back.

 

All-in-all, I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience. House parties can be a very fun and pleasurable experience---with the right mix of people.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Thanks Doooode, I appreciate your thoughts. It adds more clarity to the fact that there are all kinds of parties and all kinds of different expectations out there...and it's best to get ourselves educated to know we're going to a place that's the right match for us.

 

I agree about the lack of information from the hosts and that they need to be pro-active about keeping everybody up to speed about just what kind of party they run.

 

It hasn't been all bad though, or we wouldn't have gone back a few times. A lot of it was good, and with the right people there, we've had lots of fun there, too. The last time was the worst of it, though. So, not all the parties have been that bad! That was a new couple, but these hosts like to keep bringing in new people constantly, so odds are there will be another like him again.

 

There's a new club not too terribly far now, and it's the organized kind of place with a staff, rules, orientations, the whole nine yards. We'll give that place a try.

[Dooode 18]

It hasn't been all bad though, or we wouldn't have gone back a few times. A lot of it was good, and with the right people there, we've had lots of fun there, too. The last time was the worst of it, though. So, not all the parties have been that bad! That was a new couple, but these hosts like to keep bringing in new people constantly, so odds are there will be another like him again.

It's good to hear that it's not all been bad times. But you're right: odds are there are going to be others. Even at our get-togethers, in comes the occasional asshole and he (I've run into the occasional "she" too) is going to ruin it for others. The one blessing is that we know they won't be invited back.

 

There's a new club not too terribly far now, and it's the organized kind of place with a staff, rules, orientations, the whole nine yards. We'll give that place a try.

Sounds like a plan! The good news is that a club enforces the rules a bit more sternly. It doesn't eliminate the jerks completely, but there's still more control than a house party.

 

Ok, so I'm a lousy devil's advocate.

[rpu3 630]

I was just trying to be a good host - and what kind of host doesn't share his goodies???

 

 

 

Your shared your goodies???? Darn it, I knew I was going to miss out on a good time!

 

Back on point - this was a rather educational thread as to a potential house party scene. Don't think we'd fit into that scenario yet, which is good to know in advance.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Ok, so I'm a lousy devil's advocate.

 

I can be very persuasive.

[Guest MrsVan]

Your shared your goodies???? Darn it, I knew I was going to miss out on a good time!

 

 

We did miss you as you missed out on a really good time! Spoo sharing his goodies that evening was such a treat. Wish you could have joined us.

 

MrsVan

 

PS- If you plan a meet up in Columbus I am sure we all would be more than willing to come and hey we could bring the American Pie casting crew...

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

"Hello. May I touch you?" at our parties. Hell, I wouldn't know how to go about it!

 

It goes just like that except between "Hello" and "May I touch you?" there's a long period of chatting flirting and assessing interest levels.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Hi Doooode,

 

Body language only works if you can see them coming. If they come in with a tactical rear assault, you can't even give them that. LOL!

 

Some things that have happened to me that made me have to react negatively: having my head grabbed and a tongue jabbed down my throat (unwanted kissing, if you can call that a kiss), having my shirt pulled down to grab a breast and either grab at my nipple or stick it in their mouth, and all kinds of coming up behind maneuvers where I didn't even see them coming, including attempting to finger my pussy or poke around my asshole. There's more of the coming up behind than anything, and that pisses me off the most; maybe they don't want to look me in the eye so that they can avoid the "no", and just take what they want. Whatever the reason, I hate that maneuver.

 

Sounds like somebody would have had a bruise from a strategically placed elbow from me....

 

To answer your question, no, this is not at all normal for us at house parties or socials and I don't think it's naive to think that people should not be doing this to you. It makes me almost angry for you that this has been the case. My advice is to work on your tactical manuevers too. I guarantee you'd only have to embarrass one of the offenders and word would spread like wildfire.

 

Pepper