Mismatched couples

[HappyPeople 17]

When we look at ads on line or check out couples at the clubs, often we find one of the couple attractive and the other less than attractive. Usually, it's the male half that doesn't work for us. Rarely do we find a couple that is both attractive.

 

For this reason, we usually go for singles.

 

Anyone else notice this?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've seen it the other way around as well. But it does seem rare that you aren't wishing you could re-arrange the couples.

[Swing*8701 887]

Edison here--We find the more 'middle of the road' the appearance, the more equivalent the partners are. We find real people tend to be relatively equivalent. You simply need to know when you're dealing with 'real', which is less often than you think.

 

The funny thing is, my wife Susan, will get a note from a couple and the guy is not what she's probably interested in. Yet, sometimes they ask what it would take for her to be interested in the guy. She explains 20 less pounds, a photo with a smile, clean up a bit, clothes without holes and you might just be fucking her into next week. They get appalled. Oh well. And, we are still amazed at profiles where noone ever smiles in a photo.

[getnit2gethr 15]

From going to lifestyle events I see this all the time. I think the mismatches are probably about as common as the matches in there. I do know that alot of singles in the lifestyle like to pair up and meet couples. It's not a new idea.

[telly2 15]

i think it is the same with everyone, even Vanilla friends and personallities, you are attracted to one and the other you can take or leave. i think because opposites attract, you get that.

[good times 991]

This used to really bother us too, but then we started to notice that often times the girl of a couple we meet will be really into me and the guy not into Mrs. GT or, even more often , the guy is really into Mrs. GT and the women seems a little cool on me. We finally came to the conclusion that it is just really hard to get four people that all find each other attractive. Now, every time this thought pops into my head I just think, "Yep, and someone is probably looking at us right now thinking that one of us is hot and the other is a dud."

 

It would be nice to be able to mix-and-match sometimes though, wouldn't it?

[tribbles 490]

This same 'discussion' went nuts on LL. Mostly snarling at how shallow it is. (Like LL isn't made of mostly shallow? mmmmmm, maybe they only look it to me.)

 

We avoid the commerically 'hot' people cuz of it. If you look average we want to talk! If you are 'hot' you would have to work damn hard to get us to consider you.

 

I know...not fair. But the idea is in our heads that the 'hotties' are shallow. Guilty till you prove innocence.

 

S

[VanHlebar 187]

Spoomonkey termed it really well in a different thread that I can't find right now, but he used Anchor. The fact that one side of the couple is dragging the other down.

 

I guess we have just gotten used to seeing them in the lifestyle. We typically see them most often as the husband, but we have seen enough wife anchors also.

 

We have had way too many times especially with online profiles, that we will get really excited over a profile and they only have pics of the wife. We now realize this is "code" for the husband is an anchor, because almost everytime when we get additional pics, we have to decline because the guys is just...well you know.

 

-Van

[JacobSky 17]

tribbles, I like your perspectives about "real" people. This is another thing that I agree with you two on.

 

I agree with telly2 also, I've seen lots of mismatches among vanilla people also, but it is most always the woman that looks like "too much" for her guy.

 

Upon first reading this, I wanted to say "your seeing the prevelence of average males that have fantasies of watching their wife with an assumed superior male". After being around swinging for a couple of years, I still see that motive as a common thread with a few couples, but most here are looking for equal couples for just "good sex", and maybe friendship. That shows the level of experience and maturity in swinging of lots of members here. I'm not saying that many of you wouldn't jump at a potential partner that seems to fit a fantasy, but you get where I'm coming from.

 

Even though I'm single and don't have to find a balanced couple, like tribbles, I feel most comfortable with somewhat average people.

[good times 991]

But the idea is in our heads that the 'hotties' are shallow. Guilty till you prove innocence.

Cool, you mean if I become real shallow, then I will be a hotty.

 

I guess we have just gotten used to seeing them in the lifestyle. We typically see them most often as the husband, but we have seen enough wife anchors also.

I have a hunch that this is determined by which one of you is most picky. In our case, I am much more picky than Mrs. GT and we find that the female of the couple is the "Anchor" much more often than the man. Of course, it could just be a regional thing or something like that too.

[HappyPeople 17]

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow. It would be shallow not to befriend or care about unattractive people.

 

For us, swinging is about sex and fantasy fulfillment. If I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, why should I feel bad or shallow about not wanting to have sex with them?

[getnit2gethr 15]

We finally came to the conclusion that it is just really hard to get four people that all find each other attractive.

We have thought about the possibility of getting three couples together for this reason. Havn't tried it yet though.

[ShellyM 0]

Uh, yes lol.

Its not that the men are "ugly"........I think that at 34 years of age I just kind of know what turns me on, and what doesn't. Thats why its good to meet someone before you completely say NO. I have met men that just have a sexuality to them, I don't know how to describe it. They weren't all that physically attractive, but for some reason my eyes go back to them and they hold my interest. AND, alot of people just dont photograph well.. Jay is a very handsome and sexy man. But for some reason, he photographs and looks like a doofus ( baby)! He even admits to this. However, when you meet him you see that he is anything but a doofus. So, don't hesitate to just meet for dinner and good conversation.

[getnit2gethr 15]

AND, alot of people just dont photograph well.. Jay is a very handsome and sexy man. But for some reason, he photographs and looks like a doofus ( baby)! He even admits to this. However, when you meet him you see that he is anything but a doofus. So, don't hesitate to just meet for dinner and good conversation.

This is so true. I can't count the times that a person that I thought had no chance (based on a glance) turned out to be really cool to be around.

[tribbles 490]

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow. It would be shallow not to befriend or care about unattractive people.

 

For us, swinging is about sex and fantasy fulfillment. If I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, why should I feel bad or shallow about not wanting to have sex with them?

 

Don't feel guilty or bad over it. Be yourself and grow and learn and live life at your own pace.

 

Others may see it as shallow but if you don't let that matter, you can be you and do your own thing. And IMO, you should do it your own way.

 

I don't understand why some consider wanting to have sex with attractive people shallow.

 

Do you really want to know from others POV's? It might tick ya off just to read others thoughts....and might not bring you closer to understanding but hey, if you are an LL member, go to the forum and start there. Unless the thread was pulled, like some expected cuz it got so heated.

 

Oh and if you are really smokin hot...you might want to join LL to see if it's for you. It's actually full of the hotties from my area.

 

(We joined cuz of the clubs we go to. Good info from some of them are on that site for us).

S

[Tybee Swing 286]

When we look at ads on line or check out couples at the clubs, often we find one of the couple attractive and the other less than attractive. Usually, it's the male half that doesn't work for us. Rarely do we find a couple that is both attractive.

 

For this reason, we usually go for singles.

 

Anyone else notice this?

 

YES!!! This precise situation causes us to veto couples more often than not, sadly. My husband understands completely, and wouldn't want me to have to be with an ogre, either. LOL A particular group/private party we've been going to is mainly run by the male half of a couple. We just recently learned that he selects the people they invite based on how the female looks. The male isn't even taken into consideration. I talked to him about this last time we saw him, and he admitted I was right. But, he also said that most of the profiles don't even show the man, or he's in one blurry picture and there are 20 pictures of the woman. We had a laugh about that, but....it's not fair.

 

If I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, why should I feel bad or shallow about not wanting to have sex with them?

 

Couldn't agree with you more. It's only logical. I'm sure that everyone believes for themselves that if there's no attraction, they don't have sex with somebody. That would be called "taking one for the team" and most couples don't do that. It doesn't end well.

[HappyPeople 17]

 

Do you really want to know from others POV's? It might tick ya off just to read others thoughts....and might not bring you closer to understanding but hey, if you are an LL member, go to the forum and start there. Unless the thread was pulled, like some expected cuz it got so heated.

 

 

Could you link me to the thread? It sounds like its worth a read.

[Chicup 41]

While we have often found the same situation, where either the male or female half of the couple does not 'do it' for us, most complaints seem to focus on the males.

 

What makes a man attractive as a husband is very different from what makes him 'hot'.

 

I'm quite sure that many females complaining about the 'unattractive' males do not have all that much better at home. Pretty boys are far more rare than pretty girls.

 

There seems to be an unrealistic expectation some couples get and it can apply to the females as well. They view swinging as their fantasy and they expect the couples they play with to be far more attractive than they themselves are.

[ShellyM 0]

YES!!! This precise situation causes us to veto couples more often than not, sadly. My husband understands completely, and wouldn't want me to have to be with an ogre, either. LOL A particular group/private party we've been going to is mainly run by the male half of a couple. We just recently learned that he selects the people they invite based on how the female looks. The male isn't even taken into consideration. I talked to him about this last time we saw him, and he admitted I was right. But, he also said that most of the profiles don't even show the man, or he's in one blurry picture and there are 20 pictures of the woman. We had a laugh about that, but....it's not fair.

 

 

Isn't that male chauvinism at its finest! That would really tick me off lol. Yeah, its hard to find a couple where they are both physically "appealing"......and if you do they have the entire HWP thing going on lol!

[Tybee Swing 286]

I'm quite sure that many females complaining about the 'unattractive' males do not have all that much better at home. Pretty boys are far more rare than pretty girls.

 

In my case, at least, this isn't the case. I'm not looking for pretty boys (a/k/a Brad Pitt types). Most women I know aren't looking for or expecting pretty boys, either.

 

There seems to be an unrealistic expectation some couples get and it can apply to the females as well. They view swinging as their fantasy and they expect the couples they play with to be far more attractive than they themselves are.

 

We aren't looking for couples "far more attractive", or even slightly more attractive than we are, necessarily. We just know what we like, and what we don't.

[ShellyM 0]

Me either. I'm not looking for Brad Pitt (well, perhaps Tony Stewart)....and I'm not looking for someone "better" looking that Jay. Because in my opinion Jay rocks! I can agree with the title of the thread though to some extent. But remember as well ladies. We women are lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) in that we can wear make up to cover up those nasty little genetic boo-boos....got bad skin? Buy some good foundation. Eyebrows too light? Get you a good brow pencil and a pair of tweezer (or if you are like me, an eyebrow razor because you are too much of a sissy to pluck!).......men do not have this luxury. If he has acne its out there for everyone to see, there is no concealer he can use. So I do try to be fair and think on that. I look at all kinds of things. I look at how neat he is...does he take care of his hair and goatee (I have a thing for goatees lately)? Does he smell good, is he confident, etc......I would hate for him to analyze my body looking for every flaw.

[HappyPeople 17]

Sure, it is easier for women to pretty up but there are a lot of things that guys could do too.

 

Tips for guys:

 

Keep a decent haircut, don't go 6 months between haircuts (Shaggy only works with Scooby Doo).

Get your eyebrows trimmed.

Wear clothes that fit you (without stains, holes, or fading).

Think "GQ" not "Leisure Suit Larry".

Get your teeth cleaned every six months.

Shave.

If you have a beard, keep it neat.

Learn to dance (the white man shuffle just makes you look silly).

Get a manicure (or have your wife do it), grubby nails are gross (YOU DON'T WANT TO PUT THOSE IN MY VAGINA DO YOU?).

If you have a beer belly, find clothes than minimize it.

 

Women typically spend an hour or more getting ready for the club and many of the hubbies look like they just got off of work or rolled out of bed. Put in a little effort guys!

[Tybee Swing 286]

Sure, it is easier for women to pretty up but there are a lot of things that guys could do too.

 

Tips for guys:

 

Keep a decent haircut, don't go 6 months between haircuts (Shaggy only works with Scooby Doo).

Get your eyebrows trimmed.

Wear clothes that fit you (without stains, holes, or fading).

Think "GQ" not "Leisure Suit Larry".

Get your teeth cleaned every six months.

Shave.

If you have a beard, keep it neat.

Learn to dance (the white man shuffle just makes you look silly).

Get a manicure (or have your wife do it), grubby nails are gross (YOU DON'T WANT TO PUT THOSE IN MY VAGINA DO YOU?).

If you have a beer belly, find clothes than minimize it.

 

Women typically spend an hour or more getting ready for the club and many of the hubbies look like they just got off of work or rolled out of bed. Put in a little effort guys!

 

HappyPeople, I love your tips - I agree 100%! May I add one more, regarding hair?

 

If yours is thinning, work with it, just go with it. Wear your hair short and stylish (think Bruce Willis). Or just shave it, if you're the kind of guy that can carry off that look. If you must, see about hair replacement services. Any of these can be very attractive. But DO NOT grow a comb-over!

[HappyPeople 17]

Yes definately, I've heard of women being into a lot of different things but I've never heard women swoon over comb-overs at my sewing circles.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I have some theories on this subject. We've encountered a lot of couples where the woman is a 10 and the guy is a 4. I think it's partly because women, all there lives, are judged more on what they look like, so they make more of an effort. A lot of men aren't unattractive, they just don't try. We've met lots of couples where the wife works out, but the husband hasn't seen a treadmill in years. Or, the wife is hot, and the husband looks (or maybe is) 376 years old. Or, the wife has her nails and hair done, cute dress, makeup and they guy looks like he just rolled out of bed and threw on the first shirt he could find.

 

Then, I think it also has to do with how men and women choose mates. Men choose women (a lot of times) because he finds her physically attractive, and then gets to know her, fall in love, etc. I think a lot of women are first drawn to other things with men...like personality, money, etc. A guy doesn't have to be hot to get a hot woman. Don't believe me? Jack Nicholson and Lora Flynn Boyle. Micheal Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones. Donald Trump and any woman he's ever been with......I could go on.....

 

Pepper

[Tybee Swing 286]

A guy doesn't have to be hot to get a hot woman. Don't believe me? Jack Nicholson and Lora Flynn Boyle. Micheal Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones. Donald Trump and any woman he's ever been with......I could go on.....

 

Pepper

 

[tribbles 490]

Sure, it is easier for women to pretty up but there are a lot of things that guys could do too.

 

Tips for guys:

 

Keep a decent haircut, don't go 6 months between haircuts (Shaggy only works with Scooby Doo).

Get your eyebrows trimmed.

Wear clothes that fit you (without stains, holes, or fading).

Think "GQ" not "Leisure Suit Larry".

Get your teeth cleaned every six months.

Shave.

If you have a beard, keep it neat.

Learn to dance (the white man shuffle just makes you look silly).

Get a manicure (or have your wife do it), grubby nails are gross (YOU DON'T WANT TO PUT THOSE IN MY VAGINA DO YOU?).

If you have a beer belly, find clothes than minimize it.

 

Women typically spend an hour or more getting ready for the club and many of the hubbies look like they just got off of work or rolled out of bed. Put in a little effort guys!

 

 

You gal don't suppose there is any chance the guys don't want to do these things? With hot wives, don't you think, just maybe, the wives have said stuff before?

 

And just maybe the hair, beards, personal style of dress and even the beer bellies are personal choices?

[ShellyM 0]

You gal don't suppose there is any chance the guys don't want to do these things? With hot wives, don't you think, just maybe, the wives have said stuff before?

 

And just maybe the hair, beards, personal style of dress and even the beer bellies are personal choices?

 

 

That may be true, the beer belly may be a personal choice, yes.

 

But its also a personal choice that I can say no thank you, not interested.

[HappyPeople 17]

You gal don't suppose there is any chance the guys don't want to do these things? With hot wives, don't you think, just maybe, the wives have said stuff before?

 

And just maybe the hair, beards, personal style of dress and even the beer bellies are personal choices?

 

Oh, I'm sure the wives have probably suggested these things before. Everyone is free to be themselves of course; however, I figured the fellas would be happy to increase thier fuckability factor.

[tribbles 490]

That may be true, the beer belly may be a personal choice, yes.

 

But its also a personal choice that I can say no thank you, not interested.

 

Sure it is. Personal choices, YAY!

 

Oh, I'm sure the wives have probably suggested these things before. Everyone is free to be themselves of course; however, I figured the fellas would be happy to increase thier fuckability factor.

 

Could it be taken that they were too stupid to listen to their wives but these posts will sink in? You really wanna fuck guys that stupid who look good?

 

 

Oh, and so you know....we Do Nothing to increase our fuckability factor. The idea is a turn off for us. Take us as we are, or pass us bi (yes, we know, most of you would pass....it's ok cuz we still do just fine being ourselves). Who we are has worked for almost 27 yrs of married bliss. And I mean the bliss part.

 

S

[SouthBond 18]

Hey, stop talking about ugly husbands. Why do you think that we pimp out our good looking wives. I just wave her pretty tits and ass in front of some horny guy and he gladly trades his high school sweatheart for a taste of her. Those older women know all the tricks, you know. How crude Mr. Bond. Spank, spank.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Oh, I'm sure the wives have probably suggested these things before. Everyone is free to be themselves of course; however, I figured the fellas would be happy to increase thier fuckability factor.

 

LOL! love that new term: fuckability factor.

 

Many women work overtime on their own fuckability factor. We've known for eons that the way to a man's heart is through our appearance (generally speaking). We wiggle into uncomfortable things like fishnet stockings, high heels, and other things that men just love to see us in, mainly just because they think it's hot on us. Most men love long hair styled nicely, and longer hair is more work, too. Overall, the things men find most attractive on women take more work to keep up with. We work at it, knowing men use the 1 - 10 system to rank us for hotness, and we're trying to stay up there on their scale.

 

A lot of men are very savvy about this for themselves, and what's good for the goose is good for the gander. They know that a lot of women are attracted to and appreciate a man who works off that beer belly and takes some time to get himself well-groomed and sylishly dressed. Single men know this, and maybe some longtime married men just sort of forgot it over the years. Their wife will love them, beer belly, scruffy clothes and all, but your friend's wife doesn't have to love it.

 

Marriage is marriage (love & forever), but swinging is SEX. People want to have sex with people they're attracted to. Men don't have a corner the market on that whole "visual appeal" thing...why do men think women aren't "visual"? Women see what they like and in swinging (for sex), we go for what looks good to us. facelick

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hey, stop talking about ugly husbands. Why do you think that we pimp out our good looking wives. I just wave her pretty tits and ass in front of some horny guy and he gladly trades his high school sweatheart for a taste of her. Those older women know all the tricks, you know. How crude Mr. Bond. Spank, spank.

 

LOL! Yeah, until the high school sweetheart he wishes would go for it says, "Um, NO - if you want to swing, bring me something just as tasty in a man, Babe!" And so we have a draw.

[SouthBond 18]

The more I drink the better she looks. Does that also apply for women about the men?

[Tybee Swing 286]

The more I drink the better she looks. Does that also apply for women about the men?

 

LOL! It doesn't work on me, because I drink very little and I stay sober. Maybe that's my trouble? j/k!

[tribbles 490]

Marriage is marriage (love & forever), but swinging is SEX. People want to have sex with people they're attracted to.

 

You appear to be thinking attraction = physical looks for everyone.

 

Not for many of us. Attraction is an elusive quality that has nothing to do with looks for many.

 

I suspect this is a subject that is like age.

If you are comfy going much older/younger...go for it. If you aren't, don't.

Here, if you want looks, look for them and be patient looking. If not, then go for what attracts you.

 

S

[ShellyM 0]

Sure it is. Personal choices, YAY!

 

 

 

Could it be taken that they were too stupid to listen to their wives but these posts will sink in? You really wanna fuck guys that stupid who look good?

 

 

Oh, and so you know....we Do Nothing to increase our fuckability factor. The idea is a turn off for us. Take us as we are, or pass us bi (yes, we know, most of you would pass....it's ok cuz we still do just fine being ourselves). Who we are has worked for almost 27 yrs of married bliss. And I mean the bliss part.

 

S

 

S,

I didn't mean to offend you, I was just answering your post honestly. Of course, you are absolutely free to be who you are, and I'm sure you have tons of fun. And rightly so! But I'll be honest and say that I'm in this to fulfill fantasies, and yes, I am looking for a certain type of man. I'm not saying I want a jock with no brains, although if I am in the mood I would definately find one. All I am saying is this. When I meet a play partner I know that he is fulfilling sexual fantasies just like I am. And I think he would want me to do all I can to be sexually confident and to really rock his world. And, I expect the same from him. Thats all I am saying, I'm really not trying to say that you are a slob or anything like that at all.

[ShellyM 0]

The more I drink the better she looks. Does that also apply for women about the men?

 

 

Yes, they are called beer goggles love

[Tybee Swing 286]

You appear to be thinking attraction = physical looks for everyone.

 

Not for many of us. Attraction is an elusive quality that has nothing to do with looks for many.

 

For me (and many others I'm sure) physical attraction is one aspect, among others. Personality and some elusive qualities are part of it for me, too.

Not only in swinging, but in life in general, physical appearance and personal grooming say a lot about us to others - people naturally make quick decisions about us based on appearance whether we're interviewing for a job or dating people for sex. It's just a fact of life.

[tribbles 490]

S,

I didn't mean to offend you, I was just answering your post honestly. Of course, you are absolutely free to be who you are, and I'm sure you have tons of fun. And rightly so! But I'll be honest and say that I'm in this to fulfill fantasies, and yes, I am looking for a certain type of man. I'm not saying I want a jock with no brains, although if I am in the mood I would definately find one. All I am saying is this. When I meet a play partner I know that he is fulfilling sexual fantasies just like I am. And I think he would want me to do all I can to be sexually confident and to really rock his world. And, I expect the same from him. Thats all I am saying, I'm really not trying to say that you are a slob or anything like that at all.

 

ShellyM,

 

I'm not offended and have no idea where you read that into my post.

 

You are doing swinging 'your' way and we are doing it 'our' way.

 

They are two very different ways.

 

So what? That's why I said "Personal choices, YAY"!

 

Oh and BTW...We ARE slobs

Heck, it's in our profile.

 

(We do shower).

 

 

S

[tribbles 490]

For me (and many others I'm sure) physical attraction is one aspect, among others. Personality and some elusive qualities are part of it for me, too.

Not only in swinging, but in life in general, physical appearance and personal grooming say a lot about us to others - people naturally make quick decisions about us based on appearance whether we're interviewing for a job or dating people for sex. It's just a fact of life.

 

Tybee,

 

Have you gone to the mall and noticed that many people really don't get that excited over appearances? It's a chore to dress up for a job interview for MANY...I've met some who simply don't....they wear something like they would wear on the job, be that jeans or scrubs instead of a suit for the interview.

 

If personal appearance were that big a fact of life, wouldn't almost everyone work their butts off on it? All the time unless work was sweaty and dirty...but after work showers and cleaning up would be number 1. Not hitting the bar or grocery store or mall with sweat and dirt still clinging....

 

Most people seem to aim for clean enough...soap, shower and ready to go.

And this 'norm', especially for the males, is what you gals are complaining about? Am I getting that right?

 

And gyms would be even bigger than they are...instead of the obesity percentage climbing higher and higher each year. Fast food would be a thing of the past....no one would dare to eat that poorly cuz it would affect their appearance. Do you see less fast food or more?

 

While there are judgements made about appearances, most of us learn there are many things beyond it and let it slide from the GQ standards out there.

 

If any guy is unaware of how he looks and wants to increase his fuckability factor by going more GQ, that's ok. But so is anyone who makes the choice not to.

 

Again, personal choices...YAY!

 

Maybe what the real question to answer is: Why doesn't everyone want to be GQ/Cosmo material if they are a swinger?

[ShellyM 0]

I don't know, all I can give ya'll is my personal opinion.

And my personal opinion is if a man were to show up to play with me on a play date (not for lunch or anything like that) in a holy tee shirt and jeans, looking like he just rolled out of bed, I would be ticked off. Call me whatever, but I'm not going to be PC and lie, I'll tell you the truth. I would really be offended that he did not feel I was worth taking the time to clean himself up and be presentable. Like I said before, you are free to do whatever you are comfortable with, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But as for me, I do think that I owe it to him to show up looking decent, and I feel he owes the same to me.

[Cpl2share 147]

Just my two cents worth, but: Don't judge a book by the cover. I agree with the cleaning up and all. I would never expect a woman to give me a second glance if I didn't take the time to clean up, but let's go easy on manner of dress. I literally know just about everyone within a 50 mile radius. On a rare occasion (Read this as funeral) I dress in slacks. I have been at a funeral and someone that has known us for years has quietly asked another person who is with my wife. I am not about to change my style of dress to impress anyone. Does this make me any less attractive? To some women yes, to anyone who knows me, it is part of who I am, and to do anything different would be a lie.

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is K (the male)

 

I will agree that appearances are important, you'll never get a second chance to make a good first impression. I am a technician but since I work mostly in professional offices I have to dress like a professional to an extent. The company I work for even has a video you have to watch about how to dress and act while on the job and has a pretty strict dress code. I am also suprised at how many people dress unappropriately for an interview. They seem to either overdress (suit and tie) for a blue collar job or underdress in jeans and tennis shoes. An interviewer is likely to see you as someone who either does not really want the job or who really does not know what the job is.

 

Now back to the original topic of this thread. S and I are pretty mismatched. For starters she is 28 and I am 41. I know that I am an "anchor" for her and she could get many more meetings or attract more potential partners without me. I simply do not have the body type that attracts women in droves. I have lived with this all of my life and they really have to take the time for then to get to know me before I even have a chance. I believe we all judge potential partners on an "instictive" level and no matter what our brains are telling us, "instinct" rules. I used to be confused by this because women will tell you exactly what they are looking for in a man and then pick the exact opposite for a mate. I believe this is why so many women end up with cheating or abusive partners even though on some level they knew how it would turn out from the beginning.

 

Now I am not getting down on the ladies. Men are the same but in a different way. Men are sexually driven creatures, we often time think with our penis instead of our brain. We go out looking for the girls that are "hot" and pass by the ones who would actually be willing and able to make us happy. We judge with our weeners and eyes instead of our hearts and minds. I will never forget that back in my twenties a guy I worked with told me to forget the "hot" girls, they were just for looking at and the "fat" girls were the one's that are actually fun. My empireical data suggests he was correct. I did not listen and married a girl I considered "hot" and ended up miserable and divorced. Since then I have been with several "fat" girls and they were a lot more fun.

 

There is no real good answer for this question. We met a very nice couple that are very very nice and we really like. The only problem is that the physical attraction is just not really there for me. Now what do you do?

[ShellyM 0]

Just my two cents worth, but: Don't judge a book by the cover. I agree with the cleaning up and all. I would never expect a woman to give me a second glance if I didn't take the time to clean up, but let's go easy on manner of dress. I literally know just about everyone within a 50 mile radius. On a rare occasion (Read this as funeral) I dress in slacks. I have been at a funeral and someone that has known us for years has quietly asked another person who is with my wife. I am not about to change my style of dress to impress anyone. Does this make me any less attractive? To some women yes, to anyone who knows me, it is part of who I am, and to do anything different would be a lie.

 

Now, don't get me wrong on jeans now. When we go to a country and western club Jay will wear a button down shirt and jeans....like Jacob Sky's avatar lol. Can't get him into the cowboy hat though. Anyways, oh yes a nicely pressed pair of jeans that fit correctly look awesome! And I don't want to harp too much on it. I'm just saying look like you care about how you look. Thats all. I'm not saying go out and buy new clothes, just take the time to at least put an iron to your pants lol.

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is S

 

There is no real good answer for this question. We met a very nice couple that are very very nice and we really like. The only problem is that the physical attraction is just not really there for me. Now what do you do?

 

IMO, I would say if the female part of the couple is willing to have sex with the other guy then you should be willing to have sex with the other female and it should be visa versa if the female part of the couple is not physically attracted to the male of the other couple but you are physically attracted to the female of the other couple. If you are out to have a good time and the couples are understanding that is this is going to be a every once a while when both couples are free, then I don't see a problem with it.

 

Now back to the original topic of this thread. S and I are pretty mismatched. For starters she is 28 and I am 41. I know that I am an "anchor" for her and she could get many more meetings or attract more potential partners without me.

 

I don't see you as an "anchor" to me. You are my partner and you will be there with the meetings, so if the other people don't like you for some reason, they know where the door is. As I tell all the people that I talk to without you, you are the final decision maker, if you say no, then it's a no.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Tybee,

 

Have you gone to the mall and noticed that many people really don't get that excited over appearances?

 

Tribbles, I don't understand what you're asking me. When people go to the mall (at least in my experience), they are cleaned up and often dressed nice and stylishly, even if they're in jeans. I don't quite get what you mean about "getting excited" over appearances? I know that people do people-watch in malls and other busy places like that. Men seem to especially be girl-watching in the malls.

 

It's a chore to dress up for a job interview for MANY...I've met some who simply don't....they wear something like they would wear on the job, be that jeans or scrubs instead of a suit for the interview.

 

Dressing well and grooming well for an interview (in accordance to what the position is) is an indication to the employer that you care about getting this job. They percieve you as putting forth effort to make a great impression, and they think that shows you're the kind of person who makes a good effort, in general (like, on the job). An interview is a time to impress and make a great first impression. It's not just my humble opinion, it's shown widely in studies and human resources surveys. Articles about how to interview well tell people to be impeccably dressed and groomed, and even tell us to dress a step above what the position requires.

 

In swinging (or dating), I think that the majority of women respond to men the same way as employers do, to men who make some effort.

 

If personal appearance were that big a fact of life, wouldn't almost everyone work their butts off on it?

 

A lot of people do work at it. Others either don't really care what others think about their appearance (their personal choice, like you said), or they often make efforts on their appearance short-term, and then don't follow through because it would mean a commitment to a healthy lifestyle, etc. They don't want to work. This is why there are so many phony "quick fix" diet pills on the market. They don't work in the longrun, but people buy them because they want results without the work. Of course, there are people for whom working at appearance means nothing to them, and of course they have the right to not be bothered with it.

 

All the time unless work was sweaty and dirty...but after work showers and cleaning up would be number 1. Not hitting the bar or grocery store or mall with sweat and dirt still clinging....

 

Most people seem to aim for clean enough...soap, shower and ready to go.

And this 'norm', especially for the males, is what you gals are complaining about? Am I getting that right?

 

I think it goes without saying to not show up for swinging all sweaty, grimy and smelly from physical labor. An appealing appearance also includes grooming, a good haircut, nice clothes. Casual nice clothes are great, too. Nice jeans are great. Women don't want to see men in scruffy, worn-out, grungy, sloppy, stained clothes (any more than men want to see women in scruffy clothes).

 

And gyms would be even bigger than they are...instead of the obesity percentage climbing higher and higher each year. Fast food would be a thing of the past....no one would dare to eat that poorly cuz it would affect their appearance. Do you see less fast food or more?

 

Gyms are getting bigger, healthy diets (or "ways of eating") are becoming more popular, because the baby-boom generation (many of us) are aging and being fit and healthy (and attractive) requires more work than in our younger years. People who value these things for themselves do the work. Those who don't care, dont. I LOVE this question, because I can answer it personally. Not too many years ago, I was quite overweight and suffering from health problems. I chose to do something about it, and there is only one real way...commitment to healthy eating and regular exercise. For over three years, I've stayed committed to this healthy lifestyle. My health has improved radically. My appearance has even changed pretty radically, for the better. Health is beautiful. Not only a fit, toned and much more attractive body shape, but in the way a person carries him or herself, shiny hair, glowing skin, etc. For both health and a fit body, diets focusing on whole foods and nixing all of the "junk" are very popular now. Personally, I find healthy-looking people to be very sexually attractive. (I'm not talking about "skinny", I mean healthy.)

 

Who makes all these efforts? People who really care and are willing to do what it takes.

 

Who keeps on eating the greasy fast food, with the obesity rate climbing more every year in this country - as you pointed out? People who don't care enough to make the change, and for whom the taste of greasy, fattening, artery-clogging food is more valuable to them than their appearance and their health.

 

I know this is going sort of off track for swinging, but here's where it ties in: Healthy is sexy, it's pretty, and people who take great care of themselves from the inside out have healthier sex lives, too. This is really apparent for men, who run a much higher risk of ED if they have poor diet habits, high BP, adult onset diabetes (caused by overweight and lack of exercise), etc. People who exercise at least moderately, are more fit for bedroom activities. Not just my opinion, but you can find tons of studies to support all of this. So great health and fitness can not only visually attract others to you, it can also help a person have better sexual performance, and a longer sex life well into old age.

 

While there are judgements made about appearances, most of us learn there are many things beyond it and let it slide from the GQ standards out there.

 

If any guy is unaware of how he looks and wants to increase his fuckability factor by going more GQ, that's ok. But so is anyone who makes the choice not to.

 

Again, personal choices...YAY!

 

Yes, absolutely! Everyone makes their own choices, of course. It's a free world, thankfully.

 

Maybe what the real question to answer is: Why doesn't everyone want to be GQ/Cosmo material if they are a swinger?

 

Because swingers are people, and a lot of people aren't motivated enough to make real changes, even if they want the results - just like the rest of the general population.

 

But personally, I am not talking about GQ/Cosmo. I'm not Cosmo material. According to Cosmo mentality, size 6-8 is too big. LOL! I'm not interested in being Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. I just want to be at my healthiest best. My whole life has been changed for the better since I started to care enough to make the changes.

 

Being very healthy and fit gives high energy and stamina, and I can't say how great that is for a person's sex life, as well as their life in general. It even affects mood.

 

This won't be PC, and I'll probably get slammed for this, but people who are healthy from the inside out (excellent diet) and are fit through exercise (including just moderate exercise), tend to be better lovers, with stamina and endurance - especially after a certain age.

 

I can tell you unequivocally that men used to look right though me as if I were invisible when I was less healthy and heavier. Men passed me over most of the time (I was single & on the dating market.) The difference is like day and night, as far as men being attracted to me. It even makes a difference in how I'm treated by people, in general. I can tell you first-hand how huge a difference it makes. It might not be FAIR, after all I'm the same person with the same personality, etc. - but it's just the way things are.

 

Hugs!

[Thrax 384]

Who keeps on eating the greasy fast food, with the obesity rate climbing more every year in this country - as you pointed out? People who don't care enough to make the change, and for whom the taste of greasy, fattening, artery-clogging food is more valuable to them than their appearance and their health.

Mmmmmm...greasy fast food... facelick

 

Okay, back to the thread topic.

 

Thrax

[tribbles 490]

Well, I don't know what part of Georgia you are in...but I'll say that the Inland Empire of So Cal has some pretty scruffy people in the malls.

 

Granted the people are different when I go into ritzy parts of OC and LA.

 

Same with swing clubs....some require nice dress and won't let ya in....others have no dress code and most are dressed pretty scruffy.

 

By Tribbles: Most people seem to aim for clean enough...soap, shower and ready to go.

And this 'norm', especially for the males, is what you gals are complaining about? Am I getting that right?

 

By Tybee Swing: An appealing appearance also includes grooming, a good haircut, nice clothes.

 

Yep, sounds like what you are complaining about.

 

All you can do is be picky. If they don't meet your standards, don't play. Just don't be surprised that these guys/couples DO get others to play with.

 

Everyone has different standards. You and I differ quite a bit and that's okay.

 

Hugs,

S

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is K

 

Tybee wrote

Gyms are getting bigger, healthy diets (or "ways of eating") are becoming more popular, because the baby-boom generation (many of us) are aging and being fit and healthy (and attractive) requires more work than in our younger years. People who value these things for themselves do the work. Those who don't care, dont. I LOVE this question, because I can answer it personally. Not too many years ago, I was quite overweight and suffering from health problems. I chose to do something about it, and there is only one real way...commitment to healthy eating and regular exercise. For over three years, I've stayed committed to this healthy lifestyle.

 

Good job Tybee. I do applaude people who work hard and get the results they seek. S and I have a bit of a different problem though. S is over her ideal weight, quite a bit actually. She eats healthy has worked out but really did not lose much. I on the otherhand am naturally thin. You know one of those that piss overweight people off so much because I can eat and eat and never gain a pound. The biggest gain in weight I ever had was when I quit smoking, when I started back my weight went right back down. Now I lift weights some and have been quite serious with it at times. I see huge gains in strength but not in the mirror. I just do not have the body type to become an Arnold. S will probably never be thin unless she simply starves herself and then she would probably still have the wide hips. Our neighbor could not have hardly any body fat and her hips are wide.

 

I am a big believer in the healthy lifestyle and am not trying to run anyone down or discourage anyone or make excuses but in the end we each can only do so much. You are never going to completely overcome genetics. Eating right and working out will only give the results you seek if genetically you were already predisposed to be that way and simply had over eaten or were too sedentary.

 

Edited 11/5 9:01 PM

This post is not aimed at anyone in particular and is only meant to point out that each of us faces a different set of genetic circumstances. We are often (myself included) quick to judge others or label persons into neat little boxes. There are plenty of gray areas in many respects. I don't want to be judged negetively because I may be a male with bisexual tendencies and I hope to not judge others to harshly to quickly.