Jump to content
oddcouple2841

Couples swinging individually

Would you consider letting your SO participate in a sexual relationship without you?  

304 members have voted

  1. 1. Would you consider letting your SO participate in a sexual relationship without you?

    • No
      58
    • Not likely
      35
    • Maybe
      82
    • Probably
      137


Recommended Posts

This is K (the male)

 

This question is really only for the couples out there. A reply I made to the question by justlookinbuddy put this question in my head.

 

This is what I wrote

I would not rule out couples with a bi female. I would let S go with alone with a girl but would first want to chat together with the couple and meet somewhere safe as couples like a bar or restaraunt just to make sure the others were real and determine whether she would be safe meeting alone. There are too many single males or cheaters out there pretending to be a couple, S has already had this experience and luckly he did not physically force himself on her. So you can see while we would be less trusting about just the ladies meeting.

 

After we both had judged the others as real and the safety issue had been taken care of if S wanted to go alone for meetings with just the lady I would not have a problem with that. Acutally with our schedules and the lack of "bi" males in couples or ladies that just have too many rules for the male half this type of relationship might work out better for us. It is awful hard to get all four people to click even if two of them do real well.

 

How many of you think that letting one member of a couple carry on a relationship that the other really did not participate in or did not participate as often in? My motto is "what is good for the goose is good for the gander" so you might want to keep this in mind when considering the question.

 

I was just wondering and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this matter. What would be the potential problems or issues that everyone can think of.

 

P.S. I voted probably

Share this post


Link to post

I voted maybe, but the question doesn't really fit what we'd do if the situation was right for it.

 

We're a swing-together couple, but we're both open to the idea of me having a friendship with a woman/women in which we could have sex alone, sometimes. We see this as happening with a couple we're already with as a couple, and have become friends with - so the "relationship" part would be all of us as friends. Letting the girls be alone sometimes for sex, would be just an extension of that friendship. It wouldn't be me out forging separate relationships, so to speak. Make sense? :) By the way, my husband's the one that brought it up, that he'd like for me to have a friend like that.

Share this post


Link to post

Perhaps I should have been a little clearer. Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us. We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

We will really have to discuss this between ourselves before we make any decisions but I would like everyone's input because someone might just point out something that we would not have considered otherwise.

Share this post


Link to post

Our vote is 'no'. Pure and simple - No.

 

We are in this together and we like it that way. We don't even like separate rooms when we play. In fact we prefer same bed!!

 

I'd say that a good portion of our enjoyment is seeing each other during the swap.

 

Sarah

Share this post


Link to post

I chose "no". The situation has never been presented to us, but we are a "swing-together" couple and even though I doubt Mr. LFM would have a problem with me having sex with a woman, I would have a problem with this, because I want him included in everything I do. :) I hope that made sense! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Perhaps I should have been a little clearer. Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us. We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

We will really have to discuss this between ourselves before we make any decisions but I would like everyone's input because someone might just point out something that we would not have considered otherwise.

 

I understand your logic and reasoning on this, since you have babysitter issues, schedule conflicts, etc. Whether this could work out well for you two just really depends on the two of you. This definitely wouldn't work for everybody. It would take a lot more work and more communicating between you to make sure that an open marriage didn't detract from your relationship with each other.

 

A primary concern is that since you're already busy people with busy lives, raising kids (who seem to take every spare minute you thought you had), you probably have little enough time for your own intimate lives together - right? I mean, quality time for the two of you to spend connecting and keeping your passion burning for each other, in and out of the bedroom. Good relationships require time and effort. So when you have additional relationships, sometimes it becomes a challenge to keep up with so much and still have any energy and time for each other. Going for separate "relationships" means more opportunity for more complicated feelings to be added to the mix. Spending time intimately and separately with others is not as easy as having just plain old recreational sex as a couple, in this sense. You'd have to examine carefully if you and your wife, and your marriage, can really handle that.

 

Sometimes, something that sounds so logical and sensible on paper can turn out to be far more complicated in real life.

 

We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

It would take a whole lot of discussion with her, to see if this could work out.

 

You might want to start making that time to talk. ;)

Share this post


Link to post

Nope not even a chance. We play together only. That is the whole enjoyment for us. If one of us is missing then there is no purpose and the whole thing would be a turnoff.

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

Share this post


Link to post

Highly unlikely BUT....we have met couples who when one partner became ill and unable to play or unwilling to play, they DID sent the healthy one out to socialize with friends from many years, at parties, where they did have sex with others.

 

So I won't say No cuz I dunno the future.

 

S

Share this post


Link to post

I initially put "not likely" but I think it does depend on the situation. At this point in our relationship (where we haven't even actually swung together) the answer would be a definite no. Down the road should we find a couple that we click with and become good friends I may feel differently. That said, I do see a difference between opposite sex swinging and same sex swinging... and my opinion does change when you are talking about a situation where it's two bi girls (or guys) getting together on their own.

Share this post


Link to post

We have found that we act one way when in a group situation and another way when alone with the other person. In the group setting we seem to be more in a porno movie mode. It's mainly about sex. When one on one behind closed doors, it seems to be more of a tender love mode. After 5 years of swinging, everyone in our group has been able to handle the emotions of one on ones. But it can be dangerous, if the spouse should actually fall in love with the other person. I guess then, you just call yourself Poly and keep on swinging.

Share this post


Link to post

I don't think I would, no. I think I would be open to him having sex with another woman with me there, but not like some couples do. I know a couple who call themselves straight swingers, but really they are poly. Seriously, they have sex with the others spouses more than with their own...they do weekends away and shit. Anyways, they are comfortable with it. I don't know about that, I don't think Jay would go for it.

 

I guess never say never. If we were in a relationship with a married couple and we were completely trusting of them that there would be no love involved I think I would consider it. But I would have to be completely trusting of them in all ways.

Share this post


Link to post

We have both soloed at times, mainly due to work schedule. And after the initial thrill of something different, we both concluded we prefer to play together. It is just plain more fun to share... :)

 

Chip

Share this post


Link to post

I would have voted, but "yes" wasn't an option.

 

We both have had separate encounters, although I'm not sure they would be considered relationships, as stated in the poll question. We don't have a problem with it, and it really is just more practical for us.

 

~SS

Share this post


Link to post

We have, we would, and we will.

 

Playing alone introduces an entirely different dynamic than playing together, probably because of the simple fact that you don't know what's going on, if you're not the one involved that time, or if you are, that you are being trusted to play solo. It takes a great deal of trust by both partners, and it's incredibly fun and exciting.

 

I realize playing alone is not for everyone, and many folks consider it something other than swinging. But we consider it just another way of playing, plain and simple. And if you can stomach the fear and trust your partner, trust me, it's gooooood.

 

And hey, now that I think about it, how come no "definitely" option in your survey, hmmm? :lol:

Share this post


Link to post

Well I voted probably, but yes should have been an option. :D

 

We are a couple that plays together and that is our main preference. Now, if MrsVan wanted to meet a lady alone after I got to know her, just personally, not sexually, then that would never be a problem with me. I would not allow MrsVan and I know MrsVan would not want to, meet a single guy alone period. Maybe that's a double standard, but that's just the way it is for us. :D

 

If we were very comfortable with a couple I would allow MrsVan play alone with that couple under the right circumstances. We have done this a couple of times in the past and it can be fun, but this would never be something that we would do on a regular basis and not something that we would do with any person/couple until we had already established a good friendship with them and they understood us very well.

 

-Van

Share this post


Link to post

We voted Probably but Yes would be our answer. I have no problem with her stepping out as long as I know about it. Actually the thought is a little thrilling to me. Only concern is for her safety after that anything goes. :facelick:

Share this post


Link to post

This is S (the female)

 

Since this thread is about me, I should put my .02 in.

 

Now since K put "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" in the signature, I'll try to stay close to that as possible. Of course since we just go into the lifestyle, what I/we want now will change in the future as we experience things, so keep that in mind too.

 

Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

I was thinking about this last night and this is how I stand on the issue. The only way I would be willing to do this is if we both met the couple/single person first, since I didn't have a good experience meeting by myself. I'm lucky that nothing bad happened to me and it's a good life lesson. We wouldn't have to set a play date for the three/four of us, but of course every situation is different, so it just all depends on how well the meeting went.

 

I would have no problem with having him or I playing alone with a couple, because there is three people there at all times and if something happens, there is no he said/she said bullshit to deal with. Of course, the couple would have to agree on this and if they don't, it's a no go. We will always put our foot down on this one. People know where the door is if they don't like it.

 

As for meeting singles, this is where it gets complicated. I don't want to come across as a complete bitch for what I'm about to say and I don't want different rules for the both of us. I have no problem with him having a m/m without me if that's what he chooses too. I'm not going to look at him any different and my love isn't going to change for him. He's made it perfectly clear that he has no problem with me having a f/f or a m/f with him not there, but the only way I would consider have a m/f on my part or a m/f on his part is one of us was there for security, but wouldn't have to particapate, but actually going out without the partner being there, no I just couldn't do it. We've both been hurt by our ex's and I just can't take the chance of something happening and breaking us apart. Some people might say it's a trust/jealousy issue on my part and maybe it is. I understand when you agree to be in this lifestyle, you must always trust your partner and you can't be jealous and if there there is any of that, then maybe this isn't for you as a couple.

 

Please understand that I'm not stereotyping all singles as setting out to breake up a couple, but "fatal attraction" does happen in real-life.

Share this post


Link to post

This is K (the male)

 

Actually we are in almost 100% agreement on this. I too have very serious reservations about you meeting anyone alone the first time because of what happend.

 

FYI - Because of time contraints S was just supposed to make contact with a couple and then tell me what she thought of them and tell them about us. I was at work and advised against it but she went ahead anyway. The "he" was the only one of them that showed up and came on real strong and luckily she was not physically assaulted.

 

We discussed the MM or FF solo meetings as being seen as okay by more couples because the other partner does not feel as threatened by or the need to compete with a person of the opposite sex. We would need to both meet this person together for safety reasons. There are obvious reasons in the case of S but true even for me because there are just too many cases in the news of homophobes luring out someone they seen as a "gay" male for a rendevouz and then attacking and beating or killing him. Believe me the area where we live is chock full of homophobes, racists and all manner of hateful people.

 

Solo meetings with couples, while they may offer somewhat more of a "threat factor" do not bother the other partner quite a much as a strictly MF because there is the regulating factor of the opposite sex partner of the other couple. For me it would be the trust that the other woman in the couple to keep S and the "he" from becoming too close or the "he" from becoming phyisically forceful.

 

As for Lone or single MF I could see this one after we both had played with them several times and built trust. For me at least I would feel better if this person was married but swinging solo with their partner's consent. I guess it is about having that regulating factor of the opposite sex partner again. Once more we would need to both meet this person because there are just too many males out there pretending to be a couple.

 

In the end I think this all boils down to a matter of trust. Not just the trust between us because that is there but the need to build some level of trust for the others involved also.

Share this post


Link to post

It's not easy to give a straight answer; it depends on the circumstances...

 

Would I be happy with her running off to a room at a club? Probably, yes. Would I be happy with her meeting separately with someone we know and have swung with? Probably 'yes' again, so long as I get to hear the sexy details in either case. ;)

 

Would I be happy with her meeting someone I don't know? Probably not. That would feel too much like cheating to me and would make me feel insecure about our relationship.

Share this post


Link to post

I chose "probably". This has already actually come up between J. and myself. Long story short, crazy weekend with a group of my best friends, made out with one, came home, being an honest girl I told J, he goes "So what? You didn't fly off to Omaha and leave me, did you?" My face had to have been priceless. I know I walked around the house for the rest of the weekend with a look of utter confusion on my face.

 

Finally when it sank in, we talked about it and it's weird...because we'd definately rather be playing together...but if an interesting sexual situation arose for one of us...we're both okay with the other taking it. Now - we most definately have restrictions on it. It WILL be sex only...it WILL be done as safely as possible...we WILL both know about it and be okay with it. If one is not okay, nothing happens. I think J. has a weird fascination with me hooking up with someone else.

Share this post


Link to post

I chose probably but it should have been yes.

 

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

 

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

Share this post


Link to post

Maybe. It would depend on the circumstances. We have always been a same room couple but I have left her alone with a trusted single friend to play while I was our for a few hours. She has also hooked up with women for solo girl/girl play.

Share this post


Link to post

We would not have sexual relationships alone, that to me is an open marriage.

 

We have both played alone, me much more than she, but only with couples we both know and are already friends we have played with prior to going alone.

 

We both like the 4somes over the 3somes and we like being together while we swing. Its about us as a couple not me and her as singles.

Share this post


Link to post

I won't go into all of the details, it would take up two pages, but my fiance did go off with a girl alone. The girl was so jumpy because I was there that she could not get into it. So even with them being alone, she was so worried about me, that they spent two hours together doing nothing but her asking about me, wondering if anyone else was coming into the room, and where was her sister and was she alright. Her sister, sister's boyfriend, myself, and another dude ended up in the room with them because they were taking too long. The situation just got worst from there, but she wanted to be with my fiance and asked him for another try, but alone again. :surrender: I ended up telling him that I didn't think that the girl was ready and I felt that the sister talked her into it.

Share this post


Link to post

For us - we decided to try this to enhance "our sex lives together". Mrs wants to see me please and be pleased by another woman and visa versa. As far as we are concerned if we are not together on this, then there is no sense.

 

If we wanted to cheat (which we don't) we feel that would damage our trust, and without trust..... you're always going to be looking over your shoulder, and what fun would that be?

Share this post


Link to post

I voted probably, but would have voted yes if that was an option. We have played seperatly on many occasions, but not with just anyone. We have a close "friendship" with a single lady we've known and played with for a long time. At first, it was mainly threesomes and one on one encounters with us gals. The three of us are so close now, that if I happen to be at work, she'll stop by and keep hubby company till I get home. I'm always asked in advance by both of them, and usually it's my idea. I don't think I'd be comfortable with playing alone with anyone else, though. We're close with this gal and there is trust there that there wouldn't be with anyone new.

Share this post


Link to post

This is a team sport for us - never go out alone, but we respect those that see it differently.

 

We don't have fun with a 'single' part of a couple until we've gotten to know both of them and learned that it is actually OK with both of them.

 

Nova

Share this post


Link to post
I chose probably but it should have been yes.

 

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

 

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

 

 

You know you are right, that time when one couple is done and the other is still going IS awkward! I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.

Share this post


Link to post
I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.

 

Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

 

Hugs, TS

Share this post


Link to post

I chose "maybe". But not right now. We are open to the possibility, but certainly not looking for it. It was considered more seriously when I travelled more for business, and he went to conferences far more often. Business travel for is mostly limited to 4 hours away or less, and he only gets funding to go to one conference a year, so we pick a good one and both of us go. So I don't see much opportunity to consider it further at this time.

Share this post


Link to post
Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

 

Hugs, TS

 

Straight up, no shit?

 

Having his fricking attention lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Straight up, no shit?

 

Having his fricking attention lol.

 

Honey, no apologies, I recall what your most recent situation was with your playmate -- and I realize why you'd want his undivided attention, after that! :kissface:

Share this post


Link to post

I don't get playing alone...to me that's just an alien concept. The thrill for us is sharing these experiences together...being part of the fantasy and helping each other fulfill our fantasies.

Share this post


Link to post
I voted maybe, but the question doesn't really fit what we'd do if the situation was right for it.

 

We're a swing-together couple, but we're both open to the idea of me having a friendship with a woman/women in which we could have sex alone, sometimes. We see this as happening with a couple we're already with as a couple, and have become friends with - so the "relationship" part would be all of us as friends. Letting the girls be alone sometimes for sex, would be just an extension of that friendship. It wouldn't be me out forging separate relationships, so to speak. Make sense? :) By the way, my husband's the one that brought it up, that he'd like for me to have a friend like that.

 

So, your husband brought it up, I don't blame him. I've been turned on by the idea of my girlfriend having a girlfriend since I've reached adulthood.

 

I voted probably. I'd certainly be OK with girl/girl going on alone if I got to know the girl personally first. I'd also consider my partner doing m/f alone on some occassions. The male would have to be a trusted friend, and have had sex in front of me a few times first.

 

I would prefer to be present most of the time, but I do understand the thrill of having them come back home to you. I'd love for a creampie to be brought home to me.

 

I'd select play together most of the time, with occassional seperate play with trusted friends. Girl/Girl would be encouraged to be experienced alone.

Share this post


Link to post

This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

Share this post


Link to post

I personally think (and this is from a male point of view) that you have a valid point and it sould be taken seriously since its in your ad and profile. We made an agreement from the start that we play together and leave together..

Share this post


Link to post

I read that some are comfortable swinging without their SO/partner/spouse, but I wouldn't be comfortable alone. I like knowing Mr. Lake is there. We swing together.

Mrs. Lake

Share this post


Link to post
This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

 

It's come up one time for us, where we met a couple, and they wanted to play with me, but not Mr. Tybee. They went into an explanation before they asked if I'd play alone, saying that Mr. Tybee reminded her of an ex-husband of hers, in appearance only. :rolleyes: They waited to have this conversation with me alone when Mr. Tybee excused himself to go to the men's room. My immediate reaction was to feel pissed off that they tried to "corral" me separately from my husband, because our profile CLEARLY says that we don't play separate, and they knew that. Personally, there was no WAY that I wanted to play separately, especially not under those circumstances. This was a first date, by the way. We really didn't know them.

 

In your situation, I would have been peeved for these reasons: The other man and your wife's daily chats. Personally, that much chatty contact is too much, for our taste (too much intimacy, too friendly). I get a sense that maybe you do, too? You don't say what was said, but things he's said to your wife don't sit right with you. Next, your wife probably knows that you and that other man's wife didn't really click, right? That would mean, for us, not pursuing the couple any longer - we'd have to let that go, just based on that. Next, you felt like this other couple is deliberately trying to leave you out, so they can have S to themselves. (That's what I felt that one time that couple told me away from my husband that they just wanted to play with me.). Yuck. However, it's your job to express all of these things to your wife, sooner than later, if that's how you feel. In marriage, stewing on things that bother you doesn't solve anything, only makes them worse, especially if you're swingers. You've got to be really open and clear about how you feel about everything.

 

On the issue of your wife asking you about separate play, sort of like an inquiry of possibly revising your swinging agreement - personally, I have no problem with this, because hopefully couples do talk about their rules and sometimes do revise them, according to their needs and how things can change over time. I would hope that my husband is comfortable enough to come to me with any thoughts he has about things he might want to try differently, and I hopefully can be comfortable to come to him with thoughts and be open with him, too. We may not move forward on venturing into new territory if we don't both agree it's a good idea after we mull it over, but at least we have the right to talk about the ideas.

 

Of course, these conversations should only happen between the two of us privately, not in front of others. (You two were alone when she was in chat and asked you, right?) The only problem I'd have in your case, is what you said about your vibe about this other guy (things he's said that bothered you), you don't click with the other wife, and the feeling that they're maneuvering to get her to play separately and to leave you out.

 

Although we're a stay-together swing couple, I think that given very special circumstances, with the right people, very trusted friends, we could play separately sometimes. Let's say one husband is traveling for work, and the wife who's alone goes to join the other couple one evening...or vice versa. Situations like that. In other words, I'm saying I'd be open to the idea if the situation felt 100% comfortable all the way around. As Mr. Tybee says, "If the moon is in the 7th house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars.". :rolleyes: LOL

 

Maybe you two just need to have a talk about all of these things: duration/frequency of chats with others (if that concerns you at all), the vibes you get about others, things that bother you about what they say (VERY important to always discuss), openness in being allowed to freely talk about ideas/revisions (or not - however you feel), and when to ditch a couple that you don't both really enjoy.

Share this post


Link to post

We said no to a relationship, however an encounter is not out of the question as long as everything is up front and we're all on the same page.

Share this post


Link to post

We are a probably, but would have been a yes. We have talked about this numerous times. Primarily with me(her), being the play alone. He likes the idea and likes to hear about it. Also, he is out of town alot sometimes, and let's face it, I don't do well without it! We also entertain the idea of me playing alone with couples, however the she in the other couples would need to return the favor to us at times. But yes, we think it's pretty fun!

Share this post


Link to post

Unequivocal YES.

 

Both of us have done this in the past. Usually, it happened when one of us is away on a trip. Then we would burn up the phone lines next time we talked as we describe the meeting in great detail to the poor one who wasn't there. She loved it when I got to do it alone. She did it alone only a couple of times, mostly out of simple disinterest.

 

Until recently, none of these meetings were with people that we had an on-going relationship with. Now, I meet with a long-time swinging partner about every two months for a morning of sex. So far, we schedule these mornings when my wife going to be out of the house doing something else while the sex is going on. She has said several times that it would be OK even if she were here. Just keep the bedroom door closed, she says. Sometimes my friend stays for lunch after my wife comes home and the three of us visit while we have a nice meal or go for a boat ride or do something else together. The women know each other well and like each other, so it's working out nicely.

 

The only caveat is that we can't do it more than about a half dozen times a year. I guess that if it were more frequent, my wife would intepret the relationship to be getting too emotionally intimate, as opposed to mainly sex. Although my sex partner and I are fond of each other, there is no possibility that it could develop into anything more than a good time in bed.

Share this post


Link to post
This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

 

Okay, I can see a few areas of concern here. The main one, I think, is that you feel like the other couple is trying to split you apart from S for playtime. Whether or not that is actually the case is (to a point) irrelevant, because it's how you FEEL. You need to make this clear to S. You might also remind her (in case, for some reason she's missed it) that you didn't click with the other wife. Right there is a good enough reason to reconsider playing with this couple. If you're not both enjoying playtime, there's really no point.

 

Now here's where things get tricky. You aren't comfortable with S and the other guy chatting all day. While most would say that's a problem, I'd be hypocritical to do so. I've been known to have frequent chat sessions with one of our (male) playmates. My hubby and I know him and his wife (who I also chat with) outside of the lifestyle, and half the time we talk about kids, work, etc. And I save all my chats, so my hubby can see them for himself--though I tell him everything anyway. BUT my honey is okay with all this, whereas you are not. This is something else that you need to clarify for S.

 

I also cannot really "fault" S for not giving an automatic NO to playing alone when asked. She DID discuss it with you, for which she should be given credit. It's very common for couples to revise their rules as they go. The key is that both parties agree on the changes. That said, a snide remark (whatever it was) isn't the best way to convince someone to change their mind, imo. (Even though I can guess she was frustrated with your response)

 

Lastly, as far as her receiving more attention than you, that seems to be pretty common if the women are bi/bi curious. She has the potential to play with both the hubby and the wife, whereas you only get to play (forgive the assumption) with the wife.

 

So TALK 'till you're blue, and hopefully ya'll will sort this one out.

 

=)

Share this post


Link to post

Too late for me to vote, but I thought I'd chime in with my answer anyway. My honey and I would consider playing alone with the right couple (someone we knew well and felt safe with).

 

=)

Share this post


Link to post

I would say Maybe. I've been in the lifestyle for a few years now however my partner have only been together for a year and she is just becoming comfortable with exploring the lifestyle together. Should we meet another couple where they ask her to be involed in a FMF party I'd be cool with that if that was what she wanted.

Share this post


Link to post

There is a missing option in this poll. "YES"

 

I would and do let Mrs. CXXC play solo. She lets me do as I wish as well. We encourage each other in these pursuits.

 

As our schedules are, at times, polar opposites, we are often without the ability to be together for months at a time. During these times, especially, we take separate and solo play mates to ease the sexual tensions that come from such delayed absences.

 

We understand that each of us are not being replaced emotionally. We know quite well that the individuals we are enjoying are not filling any void save that which is physically impossible.

 

I grant her a hall pass at all times as she give the same, equally to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest mysticon

I would have answered yes also. From the start, I've been fine with either us playing as a couple, or playing seperately; which we have both done.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By HotwifeHusband
      Eventually they pulled down a dirt road through a wooded area to Jim's secluded lake house and I followed until we pulled into the driveway.  It was a beautiful area in the woods with the lake just off the back porch.  I hadn't turned my headlights off yet when Sue exited the truck she drove with Jim in.  To my amazement, her panties were tied to her pocketbook, and she was completely topless.  The skirt she had worn was all unbuttoned but for the very top button.  I could only assume (and later verified) that Jim was fingering her pussy during part of the ride.
       
      We got into his house and Sue put her blouse back on but didn't button it up.  We had a glass of wine and talked a little bit about the plans for the following day that we'd be spending on the beach.  I had shared with Sue earlier what my "ideal" fantasy would be for this trip, as she had requested. 
       
      We all stayed up a couple of hours and I eventually said, "Well, I'm ready to call it a night."  I looked at Sue and said, "Are you coming?", and she replied, "I'll be right up in a couple of minutes." 
       
      I went upstairs and after about 10 minutes Sue came upstairs and put on this totally sheer black negligee.  I asked her, "What was that all about?"  She said my "fantasy weekend" was about to continue.  When I went upstairs to call it a night, Sue had talked with Jim and told him she had never spent an entire night alone in bed with any other man but me, and that she was both interested and willing to see what that would be like with Jim.  Of course, Jim was all for it. 
       
      I asked Sue if she was sure about spending the entire night?  She said she wanted to fulfill my fantasy but she was also interested in seeing what it would be like. I told her the longer she stayed in bed with him, the better it would be for my fantasy.  I also told her if she really enjoyed it, she could spend more time with him on Saturday as I at least had to get back to our house by Saturday afternoon.
       
      After much tossing and turning throughout the night, I could hear them fucking and talking while having sex as my bedroom was one floor right above his bedroom. I could tell they took a shower together before they got into bed.
       
      Saturday morning came and I could tell everything had went well as they were both in good moods and we were all having good conversations. Around noon time, when it was time that Sue and I were supposed to leave, I made a comment that "it was getting close to where we had to head back as I had some work to do at home."  I asked Sue if she had packed up yet?
       
      She looked at me, then Jim, and back at me and said, "If it's all right with you, Jim said he could bring me home on Sunday. Since you have things to do today at the house, I could stay here at the lake and come home tomorrow.  If you are ok with that?" 
       
      I asked her if she was comfortable with that and she responded, "Yes, I am, and honestly, I'm probably a little too comfortable with it."   
       
      I looked at Jim and asked, "Your thoughts?"  Jim laughed a bit and said, "Are you kidding me, I'd love for Sue to stay another day." 
       
      Jim then said he had a serious comment for all of us.  He said he didn't want anything to interfere with the friendship the three of us had.  He said it was obvious our relationship was different than most in that he and Sue get to be intimate with each other.  He specifically said, it was more than just sex with him, without over stepping on feelings.  He saw the relationship as being very close friends with both of us, it just happened to also include he and Sue having sex. 
       
      He also said that he brought up the idea of whether or not Sue would be comfortable on having a consistent FWB relationship IF I was also comfortable with it.  I told Jim that it was a fantasy of mine but the thing we should do is consider the weekend a "test run".   And once he brought Sue home, she and I would talk about how we all felt and then follow up with him on his feelings.   
       
      To be continued.
    • By Sudhit
      One of my friends was mentioning that his wife got invited for a vacation with one of their regular playmates. It would be a 4 day vacation, where only the wife goes with the BF, hubby stays back.
       
      Has anyone any experience of this scenario, they are swinger and cuckold couple.
    • By StartingOver60
      My wife and I went to a Lifestyle get-together last weekend.  When we got there, we mingled and as it turned out, my wife meet a couple.  She was sitting next to them having drinks, laughing, and having a good time.  I walked over she introduced me.  I sat next to his wife, and we were all enjoying the evening.   
       
      The other wife and I got up to get some drinks and we chatted at the bar.  "It looks like my wife has taking a liking to your husband," I said.  "Yes, they both are," she replied.  I asked, "Do you think you guys would like to come over to our house and we could continue the party there?"  She politely made it very clear she was not interested in having sex tonight.  I said, "OK, thanks for the heads up."
       
      As we sat there at the bar a friend come over to say hello.  She got up excused herself and returned to the table with her husband and my wife.  
       
      As the evening progressed my wife came over to me at the bar and told me she invited them to come home with us.  I was a bit confused but said sure.   We all left together, my wife in his car, and his wife in my car.  Our conversation during the drive was very nice and easy, and I thought she had changed her mind.  In the club, I could see my wife was very excited to be with her new friend.  
       
      We got to our house and sat around and had some drinks. All seemed to be good. However, when we decide to go upstairs, his wife restated she was not interested in playing tonight. My wife and I left them in the room to talk, and when we came back, he apologized and said sharing tonight is not going to happen.  I felt bad for my wife who was starry eyed at this guy.  He was telling her she looked like a women who was beautiful and fun, and he was very much looking forward to being with her tonight but maybe some other time. 
       
      My wife and I went in the kitchen to get some drinks for everyone, and I explained to her that the other wife had told me she was not interested in the bar.  "I thought she changed her mind, but I guess not," I explained. "I see you want this guy.  I don’t want you to be disappointed, I see and feel the attraction you two have.  When we go back into the room why don’t you ask him if he wants to see the view from our bedroom? That is our usual break the ice move to get things started.  I think this was his game plan all along to be with you even though she was not participating.  But I’m OK with it for your pleasure."
       
      I saw how hot she was for him. So I thought to myself don’t screw this up for her, she should get to enjoy the moment. 
       
      He jumped at the request, and they were off.  I sat with his wife and said, "Are you ok with them going upstairs because I don’t think they care about the view?".  She did not say anything but also did not object to what was going to happen. 
       
      As it goes, my wife had a great experience, so they were up there for an hour. I am sure they enjoyed each other.  When they came down my wife gave me a sweet kiss. We sat for a while then all politely said goodbye.
       
      The next weekend we went to a party at our friends' house. It was a vanilla evening but a number of friends were there.  We had played with the host couple once before, but tonight was not that type of party. 
       
      The next morning my wife realized she left her purse at Tim and Jean's house.  She asked me to go and pick it up.  I said I would on the way back from my bike ride.  On the way back I detoured and stopped at the house.  Jean answered the door and asked me in.  She asked if I would like a cup of coffee, I said sure.  I asked where Tim was, and she said he had left early this morning for an overnight ski trip with some of his buddies. 
       
      We were in the kitchen and Jean was filling the coffee cups. I was looking at her in her robe as she delivered the hot coffee.  We sipped the coffee and chatted but my thoughts while looking at this beautiful woman, came out of my mouth, “Are you wearing anything under that robe?”  She smiled and got up and brought her cup to the sink.  She walked back to the table where I was sitting and said, "You will have to find out for yourself."  I was stunned thinking she was kidding.  She said again,  "All it takes to find out is to pull the robe's belt and open the robe."
       
      She stood in front of me as I sat in the chair. I pulled the robe belt and opened slowly opened the robe.  She was naked and moved her chair in front of me and opened the robe and leaned forward and kissed me deep.  She moved my head down into her crotch and I got on my knees and went at it not believing what was happening.  She was enjoying the moment, she moaned she was coming and squeezed her legs around my head. 
       
      When she released my head from the grasp of her legs she took my hand and brought me into her bedroom.  She sat on the bed as I undressed. I rubbed her legs gently and picked them up high and spread them apart, she fell back, and I penetrated that wet beautiful tasting pussy. 
       
      I pounded her over and over and when I stopped I got on the bed.  I laid on my back and she put my hard cock in her mouth and started sucking me and would not stop until I came, and she told me how good I taste.  We laid there for a few minutes not speaking and I was ready again and I turned her on her side and lifted one leg over my shoulder and began pounding her again.  We went on for awhile and she had another orgasm and told me to cum inside her.  She got on top and pounded me and made me explode inside her. 
       
      We laid there together for a while, eyes closed resting, when her phone rang.  It was Tim, he made it to the mountains and just checking in.  I was feeling bad for what just happened, but it was a great experience.  She repeated out loud what Tim asked - "What are you doing?" Jean replied - "Well, Allan stopped over to pick up Susan’s purse she left over here last night.  I invited him in and we had a cup of coffee.  I was in my robe and one thing led to another and I had Allan’s face in my crotch. Then we took it to the bedroom, and we had a giant orgasmic experience.  I will tell you all about it when you get home.  Are you OK with this?  Good, I will tell Allan.  Have fun skiing.”
       
      So, in discussing this with Jane I said I was shocked at what she just told Tim.  She said, “We are always honest with each other.  It will be so hot when he returns home, I will be in for another great time.  So, I am also going to be honest with you.  You wife left the purse here on purpose.  She asked me if I would give you some great sex because you were a sweetheart last weekend.  You worked it out so she could be with the gentleman she picked up at the club and she felt that you missed out, so she came up with this idea.  But please understand, I was looking forward to it and it was a fantastic morning fuck with a good friend.  Tim was not aware of this, but I will work it out with him when I explain the story.  Susan said she the four of us can get together, or she will get with Tim alone if he prefers and you are OK with it.  You have a great caring wife Allan.  Please tell her thanks for including me in this scheme.”
    • By lizandtom
      My wife and I have been together for 22 years, married 16 and have always had a good relationship. We've been in the LS for just over 4 years. Our first full swap was 3 1/2 years ago. She hit it off with the other guy great; she described him as a tomcat seeking prey. Apparently she likes a somewhat domineering male. Although I was with his wife 1 or 2 times, I really didn't feel the right chemistry, so that was it for me, with exception of some parties we had where it just worked out that I did her. He had asked my wife to call him after that first time, and they have been in in phone contact ever since, once or twice a week, which I had no problem with because my wife has always been upfront with me about all.
       
      When it was known that his wife wasn't my type, he told my wife not to tell me that they had phoned each other because he didn't want me going into aol chat and telling his wife that they had been in contact. Apparently he kept things from his wife. My wife tells me everything so I said that wasn't cool at all. Nevertheless, after 1 MFM with my wife and him, I wasn't into him telling my wife to keep things from me, and him going behind his wifes back to do as he wanted. My wife was enamored with him and though I expressed my grave concern that he was cheating on his wife, I allowed my wife to get together with him on occasion, like once every few months over the past few years but still saying I didn't like him keeping this a secret from his wife, as its something I never would do.
       
      Fast forward to our local club last month. We were chatting with a couple newly acquainted with us in our off premise club, and they said they knew that other couple (we didn't say anything about my wife being with that guy for the past 3 years occasionally), but the other couple says "we know them, his wife cheated on him a few years back; he found out was pissed and told the other woman and they nearly got divorced over it."
       
      Well that was it. When I heard that drama, I said to my wife "that's VERY uncool, and if relative strangers are knowledgeable about their drama, you will probably become known as the other woman of a cheating spouse, and we'll be blacklisted from our local LS community."
       
      So anyway, last night I said why don't we have 3 couples over Sat night because we've only gone dancing at our local club for the past month but haven't had any playtime. She said great, and that she had planned to go out on Friday night with this guy if ok with me. I said, here I am thinking about something for both of us on Sat., and she already has made plans for herself on Friday for an intimate encounter. So now I'm thinking that she really only goes along with all our playdates to keep me in the game, so I'll allow her to keep on going with this other guy. I called her out on it, and she says she just really likes him, but if I demand it's over then she'll be mopey and dissappointed, but will have to deal with it. Anyway, we talked some more and as a solution I am trying to convince her to convince this guy to get his wife in on it; I'll do his wife to take one for the team (she's actually very foxxy) for my wife to be happy and see the guy, but for her to keep on going with him while he's doing it all behind her back is just not cool with me.
       
      What do you think? Thanks.
    • By Swingers5209
      Hi, so wife and I are comfortable with the swingers lifestyle but we have said that we are both ok with sleeping with people separately. However, we have come across a problem and I'm not sure if I'm the problem or if she is.
       
      My wife has been in the lifestyle for far longer than me and has a vast amount of experience. A while ago we went to a club and there she met the club manager and they started talking. After leaving the club they carried on chatting on a daily basis, and when I asked her what they where talking about she would say that they always talk about work or stuff friends would talk about. However  last night i found out that they have been flirting with each other.
       
      Problem is when we started swinging we said that communication is the most important thing to keep us safe from any complications.
       
      I feel that we have to discuss and inform each other when we are talking or flirting with others and she feels that there is no need to inform me if she is flirting with others. 
       
      Am I been unreasonable by asking her to tell me when she is flirting with guys and is it unreasonable for me to have gotten upset about her telling me they only talk about work stuff only to find out there is more involved?
×
×
  • Create New...