Newbies: Who would you rather play with?

[Guest Aching]

We have not "done it" yet, and for us, the first time will be perhaps the most important moment of our sex lives. If it were to go "badly" then we fear it would turn us off completely and leave us with a very uncomfortable feeling.

 

On the other hand, if it were to go according to our "fantasy", then it would be a totally awesome experience, one which we would look back on the rest of our lives, kind of like you remember your original loss of virginity. Most people never forget that time, and for some of us--for me for sure--it was an incredible experience. We were both virgins, she 14 and me 17, and we had been dating for over a year, and going farther and farther, and then one night--it happened. And it was way better than either of us ever expected, although she did not have a big "O"; but she never forgot that night, and wanted it more and more and all the time. We never looked back, and we never stopped--for over 25 years. And we never, ever used condoms, but did watch the "calendar." During that time, we did what would now be called "soft swaps", and it was always exciting, and we both would have gone the limit; but the times and the kids prevented things from ever going farther.

Ultimately, that marriage ended due to other reasons.

 

Now married for a second time, the thought of "swinging" brings back some of that emotion from youth. If we were to experience a wonderful "first time" it would be perhaps even better than original loss of virginity, because now we have better expectations and know just how good it can get. So, if we were to find another couple, loving and caring, but we think with some experience in the lifestyle, we could experience the incredible anticipation and cap it off with a perfect sexual experience. That could set the stage for a lot of wonderful experiences going forward.

 

Not sure if it would be better to have just a few couples to play with alternately, or experience new couples lots of times. But, we think, if all goes according to plan, we could enjoy more sex for a longer time as well as experience the incredible feeling of "reclaiming" sex with each other.

 

Could it ever become "addictive?" Hope so.

[MrandMrsSmithUT 15]

This is the Mrs here. As a newbie I'd prefer being with another newbie. I like being the slightly more experienced one leading people into temptation. I feel like I might be too tame for a veteran. I'm afraid they'd get bored and think, " wow- it's our third date and we still haven't sealed the deal on a full swing, DP, MFMMFFM, oral, anal, bondage, orgy- fest? Too tame for me!". While I know all vets aren't like that, it's like taking someone skiing for the first time. How much fun are you going to have with them on the bunny hill if you are used to the black diamond?

 

The Mr agrees ( did I tell you he was not just handsome but extremely smart?) and also added that the stuff we consider extreme would be very tame to others. For example- when a girlfriend of mine and I decided one night around the campfire to take a topless ATV ride, both the Mr and her husband were through the roof excited. (imagine cartoon wolf with eyes popping out and steam coming out of his head) To a veteran, this may have been disappointing because this is how it ended. This is a vanilla couple (so I've always thought but I'm thinking differently now) and it always seems like I'm corrupting with my sexy evil ways. That is much more appealing to me than to feel like I'm the naive one.

[TheBucketList 15]

We have signed up on a few lifestyle sites.

Main issues that we have found.

1) Very Experienced people tend to have a set network of people that they normally play with and aren't eager to test out new waters

2) Those that are experienced and are willing to take a newbie for a test drive, they tend to be (from our experience) a high maintenance couple (ie unless you make 200k a year and are a ripped or a health nut - they won't even respond)

3) Newbies tend to want to email non stop, pic swap and never meet up.

[Patrick76 15]

I voted "experienced. " My g/f and I have yet to dive-in but from previous experience I know I'll be nervous the first time out...with all physical side-effects. The difference between a female playmate who can just roll with a "lack of wood" and one that will not handle it well will certainly make a huge difference (at least for me). As ever I'm a fan of learning something new - not teaching (though maybe that will change if/when we become experienced).

[funlooker75 15]

I don't care about their experience level as long we make feel each other good.

[tiffany49 24]

Julie,

 

Could you please give a pointer to the other post asking experienced swingers who they would rather play with? I have been looking for it, but cannot find.

 

Thank you!

 

Tiff

[celtic239 297]

If experience equates itself to politiness and manners then experience wins. However we have run into a few "experienced" swingers that were downright rude, a few, but not the majority. If we click with a couple then "experience" or lack thereof shouldn't be the deciding factor. We have found that the best thing about "experienced" couples is the general lack of drama generally found sometimes with the less experienced couple.

[Guest Aching]

Interestingly, we've discussed this a lot. At first, we thought it would be good to find someone new, and have our "first time" together. However, after a lot of good discussion, we've concluded that we want our first to be with someone that has a good amount of experience in the lifestyle. They will know all of the "quirks" of first timers, including "first time" nervousness, apprehension, and possible erectile dysfunction due to "performance" concerns. And we think they will be able to gently lead us into warm conversation, slow "melting" of any last minute issues, and separate us (we want separate rooms at least) and gently take us toward our first "moment". Probably the MOST exciting thing about entering the lifestyle, and the REASON we most want to enter, is to get to that very moment....the moment where you realize you are going to have complete and unrestricted sex with another person.....when you finally lose all conscious thought and just drift into that wonderful moment of bliss....where all you want is to reach orgasm....and get the physical relief that comes through total relaxation and trust....and then realize you've entered a new chapter. WOW!

[justifiedcouple 15]

I believe each type of couple would have its advantages and disadvantages. Since we are newbies ourselves, taking our baby steps with fellow newbies would certainly be less intimidating. On the other hand, if we could be with an experienced couple, their experience could be reassuring and even help us avoid making certain mistakes. But a potential disadvantage with being with an experienced couple would be that there's the fear that an experienced couple may agree to certain things with us, but be hoping, expecting, or planning more than we might ultimately have in mind. This fear may not be founded, but it is there.

 

In the end, I think it will come down to chemistry and trust between us and them.

[occ 148]

We started with another couple where it was their first time as well. It turned out great. It was fun having all four of us experiementing, laughing about some of the oops moments, regrouping and by the end having a mind bowing experience. We still play with them.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

While I'd had a lot of experience as a single, it was still new for us the first time swapping as a couple. We didn't plan out who or what, but in retrospect I'm glad our first time was with a couple who had enough experience to be the initiators. We might have gotten stuck enough in our concern for each other and whether it was going to be okay that nothing would have happened if it had been left up to us, even though the four way attraction was very clear.

 

Also, I think because we didn't have any particular rules going in, except around condoms, and rules are more commonly found in newbie couples, it made for better flow that the other couple didn't have any either.

[M&S 266]

For our earliest experience we were once with another newbie couple and once with a very experienced couple. As far as erotic experience goes we probably had a better time with the experienced couple. When it was clear that we did not know how to proceed they did. It made it light, fun and comfortable. With the newbie couple, we had a blast but none of us really knew how to take things in the direction we wanted. It could have been so much more.

 

That said, Both experiences were great because we really liked them as a couple and enjoyed hanging out with them after and before the fact, which is very important for us.

[Texascurious 15]

No experience here but I chose this response "to play with someone with a little experience but not a lot". I don't think it would go well with someone else with NO experience as someone needs to know what they are doing, so to speak. But the idea of being with someone with a lot of experience is pretty intimidating to me and also I am pretty cautious about if someone has had a lot of sex partners in terms of diseases.

[ItTook36years 15]

A little experiance, agree with texascurious. A little "fumbling in the dark" sounds fun! I don't think we'd be opposed to experienced people though, just alittle intimidating. All depends on the situation.

[Guy1964 177]

When people are super-experienced, like the friend who brought us here, it's easy to feel intimidated. With someone who's clueless, things can mess up.

 

The cheapest learning I ever received was from people with more experience; in anything. I think the best teachers have been there, but realize they're learning too.

 

The lady who introduced me to sex was more experienced, but didn't use it to "one-up" me. She took bring me out as a teaching experience. I'll always remember her for that.

 

I hope people who are super-experienced who have an opportunity to play with new couples remember that. You always remember your first time, for anything. I hope you'll remember that everyone starts somewhere.

 

I want to thank the sexually knowledgeable people here who have shared their wisdom with us.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

I am a very responsive person to other people's emotions and actions. If they are nervous, I will be, if they are comfortable and upbeat then I will be relaxed rather than tense.

 

Our first swinging experience was a soft swap with tense, not very experienced people who had a lot of rules. I was very tense and terrified of screwing up.

 

My next time at the club, I managed to dance and flirt with experience d men who were confident and easy to respond to. One especially so and it was just so easy to follow him in play.

 

 

The Rose

[Guest thewriter]

As nubie prefer another nubie couple we could learn together or a couple with limited experience no more than 6 to 12 months experience. The biggest thing they both are good at communucation with each other and with us.

[Cata 15]

Im a newbie and me and my lady friend would like to experience another newbie couple for the first time then seek out experienced couples. I think the first time should be just like the first time of sex youll learn the dos and dont real fast then you move on to people with more experience

[raem608 15]

A couple who is very experienced. I like definite guide lines and structure. I think an experienced couple would be able to provide that.

[BlueJoy 16]

Generally speaking, I like the idea of an experienced couple for our first time.

 

But, so far, within the few we've listened to, observed, read, the most experienced people tend to be more aggressive than I can handle. Many seem outright hostile.

They scare me. Perhaps it is because they are french. But the slightly less experienced (still french) seem a bit kinder and gentler overall.

 

It makes me think it is like what I experience din the world of horsemanship, in which I started at the beginning thinking I wanted training from the best from the first steps on- the best can be quite out of touch with what it is like to be a beginner: they have forgotten, they have no patience, they have begun to enjoy being a challenge to those who already have the basic skills, in fine tuning only.

They can crush you completely and not feel an ounce of regret for it, just saying you should have known better than to dare to come towards a being so vastly superior to yourself.

Some part of me fears my first experience in the sport of swinging would be as awful as my first lessons in riding, where I ended up crying uncontrollably, and my buttocks bleeding, for a week.

 

But what I learned there, and that I hope applies here, is that people are individuals, and though less experienced people may still have a bit of empathy left for the beginners (as it wasn't so long ago for them) there are people who simply enjoy teaching and re-experiencing first steps again through others. They are rare, but exist in all the different experience levels.

 

I hope we can find people like that, with knowledge and experience.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Generally speaking, I like the idea of an experienced couple for our first time.

 

But, so far, within the few we've listened to, observed, read, the most experienced people tend to be more aggressive than I can handle. Many seem outright hostile.

They scare me. Perhaps it is because they are french. But the slightly less experienced (still french) seem a bit kinder and gentler overall.

 

It makes me think it is like what I experience din the world of horsemanship, in which I started at the beginning thinking I wanted training from the best from the first steps on- the best can be quite out of touch with what it is like to be a beginner: they have forgotten, they have no patience, they have begun to enjoy being a challenge to those who already have the basic skills, in fine tuning only.

They can crush you completely and not feel an ounce of regret for it, just saying you should have known better than to dare to come towards a being so vastly superior to yourself.

Some part of me fears my first experience in the sport of swinging would be as awful as my first lessons in riding, where I ended up crying uncontrollably, and my buttocks bleeding, for a week.

 

But what I learned there, and that I hope applies here, is that people are individuals, and though less experienced people may still have a bit of empathy left for the beginners (as it wasn't so long ago for them) there are people who simply enjoy teaching and re-experiencing first steps again through others. They are rare, but exist in all the different experience levels.

 

I hope we can find people like that, with knowledge and experience.

 

I'm sorry you haven't had very good experiences with "experienced swingers" and I certainly can't vouch for how swingers and swinger clubs are in other countries but from where we are, swingers do engage in conversation prior to swapping to make sure there is an attraction. Just because someone looks attractive to you physically, sometimes once you talk to them, you become less attracted to them due to their personality or manner.

 

I certainly hope you can find local experienced swingers who have the patience to go at your speed and be swinging teachers.

[raem608 15]

I would rather play with a very experienced couple because I need a little guidance.