How to ask would you like to have sex?

[twoartists 15]

Ok, you veterans are going to get a kick out of this. Been to about 6 socials. Been the hit of the party, pics on the website. Danced a lot at the social and later "upstairs" . We are an attractive couple and people seem to like us a lot. I tend to flirt more with the ladies because I'm bi and enjoying sex with another woman is #1 with me. Guys are great but not what we are seeking although we have enjoyed couple/couple soft swap before and they are never excluded.

 

Now for the question...

 

We are missing a very important step and I don't know how to insert it. Everyone just takes it for granted that we have all this experience because we are comfortable in the atmosphere, which we are. I believe they are waiting for us to make the request "do you want to play?" or perhaps they are asking us and we just don't realize it.

 

When do you ask another couple about playing? What would be some of the phrases we should listen for? Maybe we are missing something.

I don't know what we are doing wrong unless it's just not acting fast enough, do the couples plan downstairs for what happens upstairs? It just happens over and over that we have people all around us, all having a great time, all dancing and then the evening is over and we are heading back to our room alone.

 

My sweet husband has told me I can be intimidating because I do have a good body and am on the pretty side. I like to dress in lingerie and love having a place to wear all the great outfits that are frowned on in regular clubs, but they are always tasteful with a bit of slutty mixed in. Seems I've been lucky and have turned somewhat swanlike after years of being a plain old duckling. So here we are friendly, dancing, enjoying, laughing and yet always ending up alone. More and more of the regulars seem to be accepting us into the clicks. We get all hugs and kisses on the way in and out. Even the pretty people have welcomed us, you regular swingers know exactly what I mean by that.

 

Any good insight out there? Any helpful hints ?

[Swingercast 91]

Hi,

 

My wife is usually the one who does the asking, and that works best for us.

 

But I'll give a go at answering your question.....

 

Before I start, I'm making a couple of assumptions. I assume that before playing with a couple you have discussed what your boundaries are, if any, with the other partners. I also assume that both you and your partner have defined how you will play in the lifestyle. I'm sure this is not a problem for you, I'm just adding it for people who may have less experience.

 

That being said, when my wife is ready and feels like everyone is a good fit, she might say:

 

"We're going to go play, if you would care to join us we hope to see you...upstairs/back there/we're at Hotel X room 123/in private room 3.

 

Her phrasing is nothing magical but it is simple, direct and to the point. It also gives the other couple an out if they don't care to play with us.

 

Hope this was helpful.

[NandTfromCA 84]

We haven't been to any on premise clubs, but I think the same question would apply to a house party, evening out with another couple, or hanging out at an off premise club.

 

We pretty direct- "Would you two like to get naked with us?"

 

It works whether you think you already know the answer or if you don’t have a clue. The worst you’re going to get is “no thanks”…and even then, at least they fully realize your interested in case it’s just a timing thing and they do want to play with you later. The best think that could happen is...well, you already know that one

[HappyPeople 17]

If the conversation takes place at a swing club and it's a lengthy, flirty conversation, I just ask outright... "Would you guys like to play with us?".

[Dynamar 246]

From what you've said... I'd say that you've already answered your question. I think other couples are intimidated by you. Swinging, for a lot of people, is stepping outside your normal comfort zone. It brings lots of insecurities to the fore for lots of people.

 

Your situation is not unlike the pretty, popular girl in high school who sits at home on a Saturday night... the boys are just too afraid of rejection and nobody asks her out.

 

As a result, I'd say your best approach would be, as others have mentioned, is to take the lead using a direct approach. I'm sure that in many, many cases whoever you invite to join you (as long as your desires are parallel) would be thrilled to be asked.

[flkeyscouple 21]

Your situation is not unlike the pretty, popular girl in high school who sits at home on a Saturday night... the boys are just too afraid of rejection and nobody asks her out.

 

This was the analogy I was thinking of too, while I read your post. I think you'll do wonderfully if you take the lead and simply ask!

 

Good luck.

 

Sarah

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi twoartists,

 

You mentioned that you've played upstairs - with each other? This might be one way to break the ice. Sometimes, you can get the party started just by playing openly with each other.

 

I think you got great advice, about you being the one to make the overture. You could tell a couple you've been flirting with that you two are going upstairs, and ask if they'd like to come upstairs with you.

 

Wish we could be there! You guys have some great clubs up there in NC.

[NCcuriouscpl 15]

I think you got great advice, about you being the one to make the overture. You could tell a couple you've been flirting with that you two are going upstairs, and ask if they'd like to come upstairs with you.

 

Wish we could be there! You guys have some great clubs up there in NC.

 

I agree with Tybee, and you simply should ask if they'd like to go upstairs with you. It seems in our short experience in the lifestyle, that many do not want to take the first step and face possible rejection.

 

Good luck to you, if you visit the Estate look us up!

MsNCcurious

[Tybee Swing 286]

I agree with Tybee, and you simply should ask if they'd like to go upstairs with you. It seems in our short experience in the lifestyle, that many do not want to take the first step and face possible rejection.

 

Good luck to you, if you visit the Estate look us up!

MsNCcurious

 

Hey MsNCcurious, Mr. Tybee and I were at The Estate the Halloween before last, and stayed the whole weekend at the main hotel for the whole weekend event, too. WOW, what a trip! You folks have quite an organization up there!

[captainbob 30]

My wife is usually the one who does the asking, and that works best for us.

I think swingercast podcasts should be required listening for people on this website. Ally does it right in episode #18. Woo hoo! Good example of how to get 6 people to play!

 

(I had to go buy an iPod after Julie talked about swingercast.)

[Playtou 15]

We found ourselves in the same situation. My wife is the life of the party and very hot. Because she is so outgoing everyone expected her to pop the question but we were new and didn’t know what to do or how to go about it.