Nerves and my first time swinging

[Guest Jalean73]

Ok, here we go. Hubby and I have found a couple that we both like and who apparently like us. We all went out to dinner and had a very nice time. We've even made plans to hook up again this weekend.

 

Now my problem. I've NEVER been with anyone but my husband and he's only been with me. I know it sound strange, but we lost our virginity to each other 8 years ago. So we have a bond that most people don't understand.

 

Anyways, I'm scared to death to do this. I mean will my lack of experience disappoint my future playmate? I'm also sitting on the fence about if I want another man inside me. I'm wondering if a MFM threesome would be better to start with so my hubby could be right there. Does that make sense? I can't help but feel that his direct participation would help ease me into this.

 

My hubby on the other hand seems perfectly at ease. We've talked about my concerns, but he doesn't seem to have any concerns. This kind of bothers me and I've told him that. He's always been a laid back guy and says he's not worried because things will work out sooner or later. He's repeatedly told me we will move at my pace and if things don't work he's cool with it and I believe him.

 

How do I get past this horrible case of nerves?

[flkeyscouple 21]

I think one of the key items to remember is that it WILL go at your pace. I presume you've told the other couple that this will be your first experience? Talk to them about it. Tell them that you are nervous and you can even tell them that you think because you've only had your husband in the past you are worried about your inexperience. The other hubby should take it as a compliment that you are trusting him with this 'virginity'. Just make sure you let them know what is going on and how you feel - it will lessen your concern, I'm sure.

 

Good luck.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Before swinging my wife is the only partner I've had, and my wife had only had a couple. Seeing as those experiences for her were over a decade ago, it was still a concern to me that we would lose a special bond or something.

 

Personally I still feel the same for her as I always have. Sex with her is still special to me. There's a comfort there I don't think I will ever find with anyone else. However, everyone's situation has the potential to be different. It's good to hear that your husband is willing to go at your pace which is necessary. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

[LFM2 1,482]

I think you're doing what you should be doing. You're talking with your husband about your fears and please, let the other couple know your fears as well. We'd been married for 22 years when we first started swinging and had only slept with each other. That special bond will never be shared with another couple. That is for us to keep and will be shared among us only, no matter how many couples we are with.

 

The beauty of swinging is that you don't have to let another man inside you. You could try a soft swap and see if that is to your liking. If you feel like you want more, you could try more. If you want to stop, no harm. Swinging isn't for everyone and we're taught never to "take one for the team", no matter what. We do only what is comfortable with us.

 

My husband and I are into same room pleasure only so he ALWAYS there. He doesn't leave my sight and he's never out of touch range. That is our comfort zone. My husband is like yours. Quite at ease and very easy going. Drives me nuts sometimes! One of the rules about swinging for us is to never try to go faster than the person feels comfortable.

 

Good Luck. Keep the communication up. That will help ease nerves and fears as well!

[Tybee Swing 286]

Just like LFM, even though we're an experienced couple, we are always together in the same room with swinging. This is fine...many couples make this choice.

 

Hubby and I have found a couple that we both like and who apparently like us. We all went out to dinner and had a very nice time. We've even made plans to hook up again this weekend.

 

Now my problem. I've NEVER been with anyone but my husband and he's only been with me. I know it sound strange, but we lost our virginity to each other 8 years ago. So we have a bond that most people don't understand.

 

Are you familiar with soft-swinging? This is sexual play, anything you are comfortable with, not including intercourse with other people. It's a good way for people to ease into the lifestyle, and might work for you since you're not too sure about wanting intercourse with other men right now. An example of how soft-swing can go is flirting, touching, kissing, fondling, and if you're comfortable with it, oral. Then, after all this foreplay, you can have same-room sex with your own husband, while the other couple has sex with each other, too. This can be very sexy. Have you considered soft-swing? Would your new couple be open to starting with you this way?

[Guest Jalean73]

Thank you all for your input it's nice to know others have been in a similar situation. Hubby and I have talked about this for hours and hours. I think I'll be ok...I guess I simply need to relax.

 

We discussed all of this with the other couple and they have told us to take our time so we're going to.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Jalean, don't forget to give us an update afterward and let us know how it goes for you! This weekend, huh? Have fun.

[Guest Jalean73]

I definitely will keep y'all updated on how things go. I've told all involved that for now I wanna soft swing only. This couple is being so understanding so I really want this to go off without a hitch.

[LFM2 1,482]

I definitely will keep y'all updated on how things go. I've told all involved that for now I wanna soft swing only. This couple is being so understanding so I really want this to go off without a hitch.

 

Jalean, keep a positive attitude. Things will go fine. Our first time, we were SOOOOOO nervous. I'm sure they could have heard our knees clacking together. They were so wonderful that they made playing so easy!!

 

Remember to just go as fast as you're comfortable. They'll be understanding.

[intuition897 2,179]

Welcome to the board, Jalean.

 

Sounds like you and your hubby are starting off well, with all the talking. Your concerns are understandable, and it actually speaks volumes about your relationship, because your cautiousness and hesitation just tell me that you understand you have a lot to lose. That is a very good thing.

 

I was in your place once. Although my husband was not my first, I nevertheless had developed a "bond" of sorts with him that was rooted in the physical. Having been each others' firsts, this idea is, I'm sure, even more firmly set in your minds. We've all been led to believe that the "purity" of this physical union is representative of the purity of the union of the souls. I no longer feel this physical purity is necessary to experience the deep emotional connection with one another that we all seek, but everyone is different. Some people are uplifted by music, and others are moved by the sounds of nature. Still others prefer the stillness of absolute quiet. If you're serious about swinging, sooner or later you're going to butt up against that brick wall where you'll ask yourselves what you believe about physical union. How much does your physical exclusiveness matter to you? If you choose to play with others, you'll have to ask yourself where you draw the line? How is oral sex any different from vaginal sex? Why is one hole different from another? For that matter, what about kissing? Looking in one another's eyes? Where is the fine line? We finally realized that it's not about WHAT you do, but WHY and HOW you do it.

[J & J in CO 15]

We found that just starting out with flirting, light touching, laughing, etc (like you were on a date) is a nice way to break the ice. Eventually everyone may get comfortable enough to where the flirting and touching advances. It's important to make sure that you and your husband have set some rules in place (what's allowed & not allowed). It sounds like you're moving in the right direction.

[iomud 15]

Update:

 

Well, nothing happen. The other couple backed out due to family problems. My hubby and I are perfectly cool with this and we made sure to tell them that. So I guess I worried for nothing...*lol*

[aahours1 16]

Make it happen as YOU feel fit to do so. DO NOT let your hubby push you, coax you, or demand you to do something you are not comfortable with. YOU are your own person, wanting to make him happy despite making yourself miserable or unhappy, is not worth it. YOU will regret it, if that is the case. Talk to him and tell him your honest feelings. Tell him that you MAYBE interested at a later time, but you want to go at your own pace. If you do it on HIS pace YOU both will regret it later and may cause problem in the long run. Set rules to abide by, SAME ROOM, NO tongue kissing! Leave some of the intimacy for the two of you. But also keep in mind the you want to be friends first with the other couple, even though you have had dinner with them, they may not be that way all the time. Get to know them also.

[Dooode 18]

Jalean:

 

Here's a silly question: Who initiated the lifestyle between you two?

 

It's not all that unusual for high school sweethearts to bond and stay bonded throughout their lives. Personally, I think it's romantic.

 

Have you considered that you're simply not wired for swinging? I've run into several lifestyle couples where one or the other just can't get past the idea that IT'S WRONG. And pursuing it eventually led to severe marital difficulties.

 

If you're both gung-ho on the idea of swinging and it's only a case of nerves, I would go with the earlier suggestion of soft swinging (oral only with the other's partner, spousal intercourse). There's a lot to be said for soft swing: it's a lighter step and still can be very exciting.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Set rules to abide by, SAME ROOM, NO tongue kissing! Leave some of the intimacy for the two of you.

 

This no tongue-kissing rule may work for you, but for many people (perhaps most), it would be excessive and just completely needless. Kissing is a very natural and necessary part of having sex for us. We'd never have this rule - yet, we have plenty of intimacy for the two of us.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Yeah, I love kissing. I'd certainly miss that in a play session.