Someone is Hot: Do you Tell your Spouse?

[MN Tom 251]

Back even before we were married I used to point out and tell my wife about gals whom were appealing to me. It wasn't often or incessant, and at times I didnt mention ones I saw, but I did tell her most of the time.

 

This was many years before swinging discussions even took place, and the viewpoint from her back then was "look but dont touch".

 

Now it's a bit different of a viewpoint:)

[ClosetSwinger 112]

Yes I would just tell my hubby I was interested in playing with said person and then ask him if he was okay with it. The answer is almost always "fine with me honey, I trust your judgement."

[cplnuswing 4,713]

On 11/17/2006 at 1:33 PM, Evil_Bastard said:

I mean if one of you (you or your spouse) discovered that there was a new person at work, or a new waitress/waiter in the cafe where you have coffee in the morning, or a new cashier at the gas station etc. that you thought was attractive, would you tell your spouse about it and (if so) how might that conversation go?

We do this.  Not constantly, but if one of us encounters someone we think is really hot, we'll often comment about it to the other.  It usually is if the person comes up in conversation in some other way, like:

 

"UPS picked up your package today that you were returning."

 

"Oh, ok, thanks."

 

"New guy today, never seen him before.  He was hot, good looking guy."

 

"Oh, he was huh? "

 

"Yep!!  Won't mind seeing him again "

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I have been doing it for years. Even before swinging I had a look but don't touch policy. It wasn't a secret. Mrs. Idaho could tell which girls I would look at before I had even seen them. 

 

Now we play the "I wonder?" game.  I will look and say "I would do her, she's hot. Wanna watch or help?"

[adamgunn 1,460]

My wife and I both encourage each other to look and tell about it, and more if the opportunity presents itself.

[Anon321 522]

My GF and I talk about who we think are hot all the time.  Don't see why that would be weird.

[Alura 2,774]

Laura and I agreed that a "cute" waiter or waitress deserved a "cuteness quotient tip." She paid the men servers and I paid the women.

[EastInWest 1,524]

When we were first talking about doing this, one of our favorite small talk topics was pointing out potential threesome candidates for each other, in roughly the same tone as "Do you like that car?"

[couplers 4,640]

The guys will engage me in conversations about attractive girls, but not about men.  They don't mind whatever I say about a man or what I would like to do, they're just not too interested in the particulars.  That's OK, Lora, Clair and I talk about it, and to me they are the equal to the guys.

[Singlelomely 0]

On 11/17/2006 at 9:33 AM, Evil_Bastard said:

My wife I were talking a few weeks ago and that conversation brought up a question about the sort of conversations that swinging couples might have. I mean if one of you (you or your spouse) discovered that there was a new person at work, or a new waitress/waiter in the cafe where you have coffee in the morning, or a new cashier at the gas station etc. that you thought was attractive, would you tell your spouse about it and (if so) how might that conversation go? Would you say something like "Gawd there is this new guy/gal at work (or where ever) and I would love to do a little somethin' somethin' with them" or would you say simply "there is a new person at work (cafe, gas station, etc.)" and leave it go at that? OR! would you just let it go altogether and wait 'til you are doing swinger stuff (reading ads on SLS, or at a club, or house party, etc.) to find someone else, but not talk about the someone at work etc. that you find hot?

 

[TricianMike 772]

When out alone, especially on the beach we always point out attractive people. A bathing suit is the sexiest way to see a person for us. Mike is enjoying the many skimpy bikini bottoms this year. With so many college students and recent grads out of work there is plenty of eye candy. I’m not into muscle heads but enjoy the sights. 

[JessicaJamison 861]

Depends on your personal dynamic with your spouse.  My husband likes me to be overtly sexual, he likes "slutty" behavior from me.  So when I see a guy that excites me I talk very openly about it.  On the flip of this he is very quiet, so he doesn't say anything unless I bring it up.  I often wish he would but thats not him, so when I see the type of woman he likes I bring it up and he will talk about it then.   

[Numex 2,416]

I usually don't bring it up but my wife does - it's either a woman she would like to see me with or a couple who she would like to MFF with.

[njbm 2,871]

We compare notes. Sometimes we like the same woman. It’s competitive out there!

[Idahocouple6969 294]

My wife can look across a room of women and has about a 99% accuracy of who I am attracted to. The type she is attracted to changes. For her it's more about the whole person. Younger, older, bigger, smaller it really is about the person. But a party or a club then she is good with one and done. 

[Fla-swing99 136]

When my husband and I first started dating we both made the decision not to hold back on telling each other anything.  If you can't tell your mate whats on your mind and hold back open out of concern that what you might say about another woman or man will not go over well with them.  We looked at it this way, we fell in love and got married we did not suddenly go blind.  Obviously there will be attractive women that catch his eye as well as attractive men that catch mine.  It does not make our love for each other any less, it only normal as human beings.  As a result we both speak freely and we both even point out good looking people to each other.  There is nothing wrong with doing that, at lease for us.  Plus, there is never a need to try and hide what your doing when looking at someone else.   The couples that can't do this are not being honest with themselves or each other.  My husband is my best friend, the one I can freely talk to about anything without the fear of anger or judgement.  This makes for great communication between us in our relationship across the board even when it comes to very difficult issues.  We can tell each other anything.  

[samandtammi 99]

I 100% agree with Tybee Swing.  We completely separate our swinging life from our day to day.  I would not want to hear about who my s/o finds attractive on a day to day basis nor do I think he needs to hear that from me.  When we swing, it is a totally different story.  I realize every couple handles swinging differently.  We don't do hall passes or go on dates with other people.  We always swing together.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Only if she has not already told me about how hot they are!