If you hooked up with someone from this site, would you name names?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Ok, so you've been hanging out on the board and you've gotten to know some people around here and one day you realize that that cool person you've been talking to lives in the next town over, so you decide to meet and things progress and you end up "hooking up". Out of that "hook up" comes something post worthy, whether a question, a situation or just a thought. You come to the board to post your question/situation/thought, do you name the name of the person from the board that brought you to post this? or do you leave it as just another someone that you met?

 

I find it interesting that on a typical day when someone posts something it's most often about someone they've met away from this board and who may or may not even read this board, so there would be no thought of posting that person's name.... but when that same person is another person on the board there is a different attitude towards the posting as if you should say who the person was (since everyone knows them anyway).

 

So when you hook up with someone from this site, is there some urge within you to come back here and say "hey we hooked up with so and so and they were great!" Do you want others you hook up with here to come and say the same? Or is it just the idea that because you know everyone else knows who they are anyway that it almost seems right to say "so we went out with xyzcouple this weekend and such and such happened" rather than just saying "we went out with a couple this weekend and such and such happened"?

 

I'm curious as to what others take on this is and how you feel about your name being named, or others potentially knowing who you may have been with. What situations you would name names here on the board and what situations you might now. I'd especially like feedback from a few of you who I know have met and have posted regarding those meetings (we already know who you are..lol).

[jedi6942 18]

I never kiss and tell.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think that in most cases, you want to be very discrete. So in almost every case - I'd say that'd we'd keep our mouth shut. Heck, we live in Ohio - where you can't turn around without bumping into a swinger - so interesting things are bound to happen.

 

We actually have a thread that we wrote with another couple on this board that we had visited. We were discussing the whole "discretion" issue over breakfast and came to the conclusion that really, if all four people are okay with discussing a good time together - whether that "time" be a swinging-good time or mostly a vanilla get-together based on friendships made on this board - then what was the harm in sharing? There are a lot of folks I'd like to meet from this board - whether that be to test the waters of chemistry or just to hang out with some great folks! And if that is a good time - there are certainly scenarios where sharing would be fun...

 

Similar, really, to sharing about the fun you have at a Meet Up!

 

But, most of the time, meeting folks from the board can be a little bit complicated. Maybe I am over thinking it, but you really have to start considering what you write sometimes based on the friends you have made. Do you rant about single men, knowing that a single friend frequents the board? Do you talk about boob jobs knowing that one of your "board" friends has recently purchased a new set? It makes it a bit more cerebral, I think. You can't just stumble forward like a bull in a china shop. Friends that you may make here have unprecedented access into your thoughts!

 

It is wise to be careful.

 

But - more often than not - there is really no reason to share about experiences or to "certify" folks on this board. The board isn't - in my opinion - about that. It is a great source of advice and information - and one of the awesome side benefits are some incredible and very real friendships.

 

Most of those we have kept very private - very few we have been comfortable sharing about. And even when we did it was a part of a larger point (which seemed to go over everyone's head at the time). And that is that - as adults - we are free to make the decisions to let strangers into our lives, and we are free to share about it. Certainly, we are not ashamed of any of the friends we have made from this board. Why should we be? If we are mature in the process of making the decision, we can only hope that those who receive that information are mature enough to see it for what it is; the celebration of a wonderful experience (vanilla or not) that was made possible by the community here.

[flkeyscouple 21]

I think we might talk about the situation, but not with whom the situation occurred. Of course we would know that the other party is reading the post, so that would have to be taken into consideration too.

 

I've wondered, when reading this board, for those of you that are VERY active on this board - when you meet someone (swinger) do you tell them about the board? I think of some recent posts where someone was pretty much bashing someone they had just played with - and I wondered if that person was reading the post.

 

I think that if I were talking about a specific instance, I'd be very careful in what I was saying - just in case that person was reading the post. Who's to say that five years later that person didn't stumble upon this board and recognize the poster... and the situation.

 

So no, I wouldn't name names - at least not unless I had permission to do so.

 

Sarah

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I wouldn't. But I wouldn't do it anywhere either. Not at a club, not at a meet-up, not anywhere. The board is just one slice of that pie.

 

Now, I could see a complication arise where you "hook" up with someone from the board, and suddenly every post you might be wondering if he/she is talking about you. Or perhaps vice versa where you wonder if what you say will be taken the wrong way.

 

I guess the only solution is to make everyone on the board off limits. ...Hrm...seeing as I like the majority of the people I talk to on here that doesn't seem like a very fun option.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

If we ever hooked with someone from the Board, we wouldn't mention it here, but we would probably mention the encounter in our blog. However, we would not include any indentifiable information about our playmates.

 

If we ever attended an official SB Meet Up, we would likely come back here a say how great it was to finally meet so-and-so, but we wouldn't mention whether or not we hooked up.

[KajiKurai 15]

"Discretion is the better part of valor." We'd keep things to ourselves unless permission were granted. It's just one more way of showing your appreciation of the situation.

[VanHlebar 187]

Well we don't kiss and tell...so IF we hooked up with someone from this board we wouldn't tell the board. If the circumstances were unique or if something came up we would ask the person/couple if they minded if we posted about it. We might also post about the particular date..but with all the identifiable information left out.

 

Now if someone else on the board happen to figure it out so be it...we would never say yes or no.

 

We like the fact that the board is really a source of help and understanding of our journey. We don't necessarily view this as a pickup site...but we are all adults here and we are all allowed to make our own choices.

[good times 991]

I agree with what Spoomonkey said so well above, but would make the following brief additions.

 

My answer to this question would be maybe or it depends.

 

We have met a lot of people that are also regulars here on the board. We are also avid supporters of this sight and will often direct people we meet at clubs and such to come here for answers to their swinging questions. Because of that, it wouldn't surprise me if we have either mentioned other members we have met, or been mentioned by name by other board members on here more than any other currently active member. We do have one die hard rule about that though, we would never even mention meeting someone from the board, let alone tell whether we played with them or not, unless we discussed it with them first and everyone involved was cool with it. Even then, we would only do it if the post we wanted to make would be clearer by doing so. We see no reason to mention a name just to say we met or hooked up with someone.

 

We have had occasions in the past where we felt that a discussion we wanted to have here would be confusing if we were to carry discretion to the extreme. Sometimes it is nice to have both sides of a story, and the ideas presented are much clearer if both parties involved are free to post their views on the subject from the perspective of one of the involved parties. On the other hand, if we carry discretion to the extreme and refuse to name names, and make the post anyway, it puts the other party involved in the position of not being able to respond to the thread for fear that they would out themselves, and the other party. How often have we read posts and wished we had the other side of the story? I see people post that exact question all the time in threads on this board. Yet, if we are not free to say who we have played with here if they are members, then getting the other side of the story becomes impossible.

 

We look at it this way, we are swingers, hooking up with others for sex is what we do. If you go to on premise clubs like we do, it is no secret who you play with, heck, it isn't even unusual for others to actually watch you play. So, I just don't understand why it would be wrong to mention it here, if it helped to make your point and everyone was ok with you doing so. Isn't that exactly what this sight is about?

 

My feeling on this is that, on the one hand, it is nobodies business whether we have hooked up with others here on the board. On the other hand, when two regular board members meet, whether it is just to hang out or to have sex, while I see no reason to give details, I also think it is ridiculous to deny it or lie about it in order to keep others on the board from finding out. I don't know how many others here have swinging friends that are members of the board that they see on a regular basis, but we know at least a dozen people that we see regularly that also frequent the board. It is not unusual for us to sit around and discuss interesting topics from the board. It also isn't unusual for us to come back here and relate some of those ideas we generated in those discussions. If both parties relate their ideas in a thread, it often doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that we know each other, even though we usually don't actually name names.

 

Lets face it, in our case at least, if it was forbidden to mention or indicate in any way that we had played with others on the board, their would probably come a time when we couldn't post any more for fear that others would put two and two together and figure out that we had played with other board members. As regular members, whos board indentity is known by other members that we have refered her and played with, we cannot relate the mediocre or not so good experiences we sometimes have, because it would hurt their feelings. If, in addition to that, we cannot relate the good experiences we have had with people because others might find out those people are members, then at some point we wouldn't be able to post anything at all.

 

So, while I agree with what some of the others above have said, and think that discretion is very important, I also think we can sometimes take it to an extreme that is not only unnecessary but detrimental to the flow of good information on the board. In my opinion, one of the things this board sometimes lacks is the perspective on how good swinging can be from the experienced swingers point of view. It is possible that one of the reasons for this is that some of the experienced swingers here don't relate those experiences because they couldn't do it without giving away the fact that those good experiences happened with other members of the board. I can say for one couple here (us) that is the case.

 

One other point I would like to make in this book I am writing here, is that this is an Internet forum, we are anonymous, we don't use our real names here (with some rare exceptions). So even if I were to say that I had a great time playing with "Mrs. Vibropussy" last Friday, unless you have met her or I personally, you still have no idea who we really are, except for your impression of us gathered through our posts. With that in mind, why does it make any difference whether we relate an experience about someone who is a board member using their alias name here (with their approval, of course), or if we relate a story about a non board member using a fictitious name?

 

Sorry about the book length post, but this is a great question that just happens to be a recent topic of some of those face to face meetings of board members I referred to above.

 

OH, by the way, I didn't really play with Mrs. Vibropussy last Friday, that is only a fantasy, I totally made that up.

[rpu3 630]

We look at it this way, we are swingers, hooking up with others for sex is what we do. If you go to on premise clubs like we do, it is no secret who you play with, heck, it isn't even unusual for others to actually watch you play. So, I just don't understand why it would be wrong to mention it here, if it helped to make your point and everyone was ok with you doing so. Isn't that exactly what this sight is about?

 

My feeling on this is that, on the one hand, it is nobodies business whether we have hooked up with others here on the board. On the other hand, when two regular board members meet, whether it is just to hang out or to have sex, while I see no reason to give details, I also think it is ridiculous to deny it or lie about it in order to keep others on the board from finding out.

...

 

So, while I agree with what some of the others above have said, and think that discretion is very important, I also think we can sometimes take it to an extreme that is not only unnecessary but detrimental to the flow of good information on the board.

 

 

It is nobody's business what one does, with or not with another board member. But I'm a lousy liar and if asked directly, I'd think about being truthful, but only after discussing it with the OP. I'm not trying to hide it, etc., and personally, if it were a perfect world I'd certainly be more forthcoming about having an outstanding time with someone else. But the world's inhabitants tend to be funny creatures, so it's just easier to maintain a level of discretion.

 

I'd probably be less inclined to mention it, much less name names, by my general nature. But if the other party or parties wanted to discuss it or something about that experience, so be it. I'd hope the other party or parties would keep the name(s) anonymous, unless we had discussed it first, given that both sides should have a right to privacy or discretion.

 

That being said, it seems like it would be trickier on the board. You can find out a lot about a poster if you so choose, which could be good and/or bad. But on the other hand, given that this is a swingers community first, and hooking up with another member would be random occurence, I'd hope both sides feel free to post as they normally would before, during and after any "hookup".

 

Rebecca

[Mrs.PaganLovers 15]

Absolutely not. First of all, I don't feel it is anyone's business.

 

I have, however, met people that I feel are just fantastic people and would call friends. Wouldn't have a problem telling people I met so and so and just think they are (insert appropriate word) sweet, beautiful, awesome etc.

[riswingcpl 16]

I'd have no problem posting about an experience, but certainly wouldn't name names. We feel the same about certs on SLS...it's nobody's business who we get together with, and we're not in the habit of broadcasting who we played with, never mind what we thought of them or did with them.

 

However, if we were to meet someone from the board and all agreed that it would be OK to post about the meeting here, I suppose I might make a generic comment like "we met so-and-so couple and had a great time...what nice folks", but not, "wow, Mrs so-and-so gives great head". Sort of like the banter between those of you who went to the Ohio meet-up...fun stories but no explicit details.

[havefuninsun 122]

No kissin' and tellin'.

 

I've been put in awkward positions before with folks on SLS. We met one couple, and all agreed it wasn't a good connection, so no more play time. In the meantime, they met a great couple and decided to be exclusive with them (we're happy for their happiness ). They shared the other couples' SLS profile name with us.

 

During conversation (we still keep in touch), I was asked how we were doing, if we've met any cool people and I mentioned we did, actually. I was then asked THAT couple's SLS profile. I think I skirted the question and took the conversation into another direction. I'm not interested in sharing those details. I'm sure this person's feelings might be hurt since they openly shared their information with us (not that I asked).

 

And we agree with riswingcpl too ... the certs thing for us is like kissin' and tellin', which is why we have no interest in participating in that option on the site. And we won't beat that dead horse again ...

[prettylady 221]

Where I live we have a hockey team called the London Knights. They are the city's pride and joy, I have a friend who is not even worthy of being called vanilla. He is always, "I met so and so from the knights last night at this or that function". It drives me crazy. I can see how if you met up with someone from the board who is a regular poster and well known by everyone that the temptation for "name dropping" might be there. But it is just irritating.

 

So no I would not drop a name, I might comment lightly on what happened this past weekend, but no details and more importantly no names. Unless of course it was a meet and greet and like Mrs. Paganlovers said a kind comment about them in a strictly friendly way would be alright.

 

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

A little discretion goes along way! Having said that, a couple of threads come to mind.

 

The first being the one Spoo mentioned, it was done in a way that was not offensive to others, indicated that both parties agreed and had more of a big picture approach to it--acceptable!

 

The second thread is more of a turn off. It could have been done in better taste. Frankly, I don't see the need for a 27 (blatent exaggeration) page thread on how delicious so and so was, how hot Mr. Whomever can be in a ball cap, how much fun will be had in the future when there is more time, when is the next one, yada, yada, yada-- This one crossed the line for me. Yes, we are all adults here for the same reason but, it has been said a million times the purpose of this board is for information and help. The thread in question kinda negates the purpose we all preach. Not saying it can't be posted, maybe just from a diffrent angle?

[good times 991]

I just wanted to clarify my position on this a bit, in case I gave the wrong idea in my previous post.

 

I don't believe in "name dropping" or using this site to sort of "certify" other board members.

 

Sometimes though, when you hook up with another couple/single who is also a member of this board, it isn't unusual to have something happen that someone will say "Wow, this would make a great topic on the Swingers Board". We have had this happen several times now. In every instance, once we decided to go ahead with the post, we worked on it together, sometimes all of us sitting around the computer, other times the person doing the original post would read us what they proposed to write over the phone. In these cases, we sometimes used our names because then it allowed any of us to respond to the thread as "involved parties".

 

In the case of the second thread that I think ANGEDKY(mr) is referring to, I don't care for that type of thing either. I have no desire to share my intimate sexual escapades here on the board and, like him, I feel uncomfortable reading about others personal intimate experiences, especially when it involves someone else we know on the board.

[Mr.T 16]

I said 'Other'. Here's why.

 

If a couple we played with had such a good time that they wanted to share their discovery with everyone,I'd give permission to do so,provided they gave the same permission as well.It would be a mutual agreement between both couples.

 

By the same token,if one couple wasn't comfortable with the idea,nothing would be said.Mutual respect is PARAMOUNT!

 

I agree with others here. Details would be left to the imagination. (Given the imaginations on this board,I could just imagine the thoughts )

[Spoomonkey 421]

Mr.T said:

By the same token,if one couple wasn't comfortable with the idea,nothing would be said.Mutual respect is PARAMOUNT!

 

Exactly!

 

I would never say anything about anyone unless we had agreed that it was okay. At the same time - it isn't something that comes up often, unless, as Mr Good Times said, there is a good thread or point of discussion that could come of it - and aside from that one discussion over waffles one morning - there has really never been a time when I have looked at someone I have met from this board (at a Meet Up! or otherwise) and said, "do you mind if I post the details of this on the board?

 

There just isn't much sense to it.

 

Sure - we are all adults, but this isn't much of a stories board (thank goodness).

 

I have seen threads that really toe the line and stuff that I felt was a veiled attempt to say "look who I did!" but I think when there is a purpose for the thread - and one that is focused solely on the purpose (and not on the nitty gritty details) - that is an acceptable thing. And I appreciate ANGEDKY(mr)'s endorsement of my thread as one that did just that. In fact, I am positive that the thread was pretty ambiguous about whether or not there were any "nitty gritty" details to disclose anyway.

 

We have met a lot of folks from this board in person - not nearly as many as we would like as there are so many people who be great to have drinks and dinner with! But, we've only mentioned meeting people at Meet Ups! or in that one specific thread; with "meeting" being the operative word. But this certainly isn't a "hook up" place for us. In fact, more people have become members here after hooking up with us than the other way around.

 

I think that a few folks around here would agree that we are very discrete

[velbuzz 17]

I answered Dont Know because it would depend on who they were and if they would want it known here.

[LFM2 1,482]

I'd have no problem posting about an experience, but certainly wouldn't name names. We feel the same about certs on SLS...it's nobody's business who we get together with, and we're not in the habit of broadcasting who we played with, never mind what we thought of them or did with them.

 

However, if we were to meet someone from the board and all agreed that it would be OK to post about the meeting here, I suppose I might make a generic comment like "we met so-and-so couple and had a great time...what nice folks", but not, "wow, Mrs so-and-so gives great head". Sort of like the banter between those of you who went to the Ohio meet-up...fun stories but no explicit details.

 

We love sharing our experiences and you can do that without naming anyone. We don't go to the extent to give a play-by-play. That's really going to far and actually, it's a memory that we want to keep just for us.

 

We've been asked to name names, which I refused to do. We both like discretion, and this is that part of being discreet we like in all couples. I don't tell, you don't tell.

 

We also agree about the certs. We don't broadcast about who we play with and if we certified someone, that would be in all actuality, naming names, wouldn't it?

[Tia Vampire 167]

I wouldn't name the names because of family or work. if I did name the names, they must have done something that is worth talking about or very horrible.

[Guest MrsVan]

MrVan and I have friends who are also on this board but yet we do keep things very discreet and we check with our friends before making a post to make sure that they would be comfortable with it. If we have run into a situation where we are not sure how to handle it, then we will post and leave names out same as if we are going to share a great experience.

 

We love to share our experiences with the board and even if the other couple is on the board we do not boast and put names for everyone to know that we play with another couple on this board. Discretion goes a long way and I think that since we are not here to put a notch on our bedpost, then I do not think that it is important for others to know. Now if they figure it out, then so be it, but I am not one to kiss and tell.

[mike big 13]

I think it is for the same reason we have different names on the board, for discretion, because my last name isn't really big (big is from my member).

 

I don't want the neighbors to know what I do, not that I care. I just don't want their wives to come over for some sugar when their husbands are at work. I get into enough trouble as it is already

[Mistral Wind 54]

Comes down to respect don't it!

 

Never kiss and tell you don't know the whole story about the other couple / partner so keep it tight and enjoy. After all you don't want to be the victim of a journalist ending up on the front page of some scandal magazine and neither would your swing partners want you blabbing about them.

 

Moral is: Lots a sucky fucky no telly telly!

Enjoy....

[fun4Ds 1,098]

no, we will never give names of who we have had sex with

 

we ask the same in return

[Alura 2,774]

We've had a lot of banter in the Meet Up forum about the fun that was had at any particular Meet Up, but I'm unaware of any post that said, "We had sex with Mr. & Mrs. Goodlay, and it was great!"

 

There have been a lot of well-deserved compliments. There have been posts such as, "We went to the rattlesnake races with Mr. & Mrs. TastyCreme..." I see nothing wrong with either.

 

I've posted about some sexual experiences but have always used aliases for our partners, if any names at all.

 

I guess I'm saying I don't understand this thread. Never should anyone post specific sexual events and use real names or anything that might give a clue to who the folks are, whether they post on this board or not.

[des1re06 200]

No. We may say something like, "we didn't have any playtime (our lingo for swap) at that party or convention..." or "wow, that party or convention was one wild time!". We just wouldn't name names.

 

This is one reason why I'm having a bit of a problem writing a story about the 3 day house party we went to. Let's just say, "Fun was had by all".

 

Mrs. D

[sweet_tna 680]

I answered "other". I totally agree that discretion is the better part of valor.

 

That said . . . I have described experiences in my posts for the purpose of answering someone's question. Some of those experiences may or may not have involved other board members here. If anything was said that was a "give away", it was unintentional.

 

I do hope to someday meet some more folks from this board, though. Ya'll seem like a lot of fun.

[socolais 696]

I have met several couples that said they enjoy this board and some of them, I don't even know their screen names. I've also told new friends about this board and some of them have posted here. This is too valuable of a resource to be quiet about it.

 

When we're talking about our house party friends to other party friends, we are comfortable using names. But otherwise, I avoid using names or specifics that would "out" folks against their preferences. I might mention that I know someone when asked, but much more than that is basic indescretion.

[sexcupid 809]

I would probably post about meeting other board members...but no details about any playtime if it took place.

 

There are plenty of Texas folks that post on this board. If we met up with any of them, I may post in the meet up/cafe that, 'we meet so and so this weekend, it was nice to finally put a face with a username'....or something of the like. Because it would be nice to do so.

 

If anything other than just hanging out and having a few drinks happens, that would be 'nunya'...as in 'nunya business'.

 

I mean, I have see a few 'anonymous' posts from regular users that don't want to use their log-in to post about something in case the other couple does recognize the username/situation being described.

 

If playtime happened or something thread worthy came up, I don't think that I would post it anyway...something about the situation may be unique enough to clue the other party into the fact it was about them....like, 'hey baby! come here and read this thread...i don't know who posted it, but I'll read it to you...this weekend we met a couple all was going well until they brought out the restraints, the flogger and 3 tubs of cool whip....hey, WE have restraints...a flogger...and 3 tubs of...HEY!'

 

Maria

[MRnMSbhaven 45]

lol... I must recuse myself from this conversation.

 

We never use names (real, imagined, or screen) anywhere unless we have explicit permission. However, we do happily talk about our experiences.

 

Ms B.

[starryeyes 23]

Like others...we don't kiss and tell. Never have and never will. We feel that others that may want to meet us will do so, breaking the ice... which means we break the ice too. To us it is part of the anticipation, the magic that leads up to the moment.

 

We just don't like name droppers therefore we don't do it ourself. By the way... did you hear?!?!?....... lmao

[fifty4x2 15]

It's private, it's between you and the other person.

[sweet_tna 680]

Interesting thread . . . especially when I'm in the midst of planning a Meet Up. The short answer for me would be that it would depend on the other member's preference(s).

 

Longer answer: If I met a fellow board member at a Meet Up, I'd see no harm in mentioning that we actually met. After all, anyone following that thread would be able to figure out who was planning to go. BUT, anything beyond, "it was a great time, so-and-so were really fun to talk to . . ." No. That's between us.

 

Subtlety is not my strong suit. It's all too easy to tease your friends on board, or want to give an update when others ask about them. But I do have common sense and respect for others. So I pretty much don't mention anything regarding a fellow board member unless I know it's okay with them to do so.