Surprises you hope never to discover when meeting swingers

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

There are some things I've not come across when meeting swingers for a personal meet and I hope I never do.

 

Here are a few:

 

1. Bad teeth - I can't imagine kissing someone with rotting unhealthy teeth. I think this is why I like seeing a big smile in people's profiles, it gives me some assurance that I will like their mouth.

 

2. I never want to go on a date with 'Hal' - Halitosis would stop anything from happening. I would have to be three feet away just to talk to the person! On the other hand, if a person's breathe smells like the great meal we just had, that's okay, I have often found I want to lick that great pepperoni pizza right out of his mouth.

 

3: An ugly penis - I've seen enough pics of bad ones that I fear one day when I meet one I'll freeze up right then and there and have to play sick, then rush out the door.

 

 

Anyone have some things you hope never to discover? Or maybe you have, and want to share how you handled the situation.

 

LM

[JandCMI 15]

4. Obnoxious, aggressive and rude men who can't keep their hands to themselves. They turn my wife off and annoy the hell out of me, as well.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Genital sores. Goes without saying I suppose.

 

Just what makes a penis 'ugly', LM?

 

-B

[pumpkins1970 17]

Suprises,...hmmm 1) That couple you met online w/o pics that you really seemed to click with, you go meet them and it's a relative of some sort!

2) Some funky B.O. :wtf:3) You meet the other swingers for the first time for dinner in a nice quiet restaurant and "THEY TALK LIKE THIS ABOUT EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE FACT IT IS NICE TO MEET MORE SWINGERS RIGHT HERE IN THIS RESTAURANT!"

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Just what makes a penis 'ugly', LM?

 

-B

You would have to ask.

 

Giving an anwer without offending anyone might be hard, somebody out there probably has a penis I wouldn't find pretty, but here goes.

 

A bent one, not curved, curved is okay, but I've seen them take a 'turn' for the worse.

 

A very long one that is also very skinny.

 

A penis that looks like the head exploded - like the atom bomb - I believe those are called a mushroom head penis.

 

LM

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Suprises,...hmmm

 

2) Some funky B.O.

That was one I was going to list but it slipped my nose.

 

Body odor is a bad surprise we've not experienced. Thank gawd!

 

LM

[BradAndJanet 70]

You would have to ask. ...

 

LM

Hey, I'm the owner of one! I'm relieved that mine is not one of the described.

 

-B

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Hey, I'm the owner of one! I'm relieved that mine is not one of the described.

 

-B

I should add to this thread that an unattractive penis is in the eye of the beholder...why did that just make me laugh? I crack myself up sometimes.

 

There are other women who would love any of the penises I described.

 

LM

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

A major turn off for us is uneducated, illiterate, and stupid. Fortunately, we manage to weed those out early in the process in most cases. A more subtle turnoff to me is a lack of introspection, a lack of self awareness. To me, that indicates a shallowness and want of imagination. We like to talk about more than the new camper shell he bought or the chicken broaster she got for her birthday.

 

Chip

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Sharp fingernails

 

I hope I don't discover that when my playmate's fingers are inside my vagina he has razor nails. Ouch!

 

I do pack a fine emery board in my play bag, just in case.

 

LM

[ohash01 20]

Slobs. Definately slobs. When first meeting, I like to imagine that they take as much time to get ready as I do (which isn't very long...but it's very careful). Don't show up with dirty under your nails or grime on your face or shirts with holes in it or shoes that are falling apart. *yikes*

[flkeyscouple 21]

You meet the other swingers for the first time for dinner in a nice quiet restaurant and "THEY TALK LIKE THIS ABOUT EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE FACT IT IS NICE TO MEET MORE SWINGERS RIGHT HERE IN THIS RESTAURANT!"

Yep.. that would be my nightmare! Especially if I knew other vanilla people in the restaurant. And the 'loud talker' didn't take the hint to keep it down!

 

Sarah

[tribbles 490]

How many of you can tell the difference between BO and phermones that are a turn off for you personally?

 

Just curious.

 

I've met one male and one female who were clean but smelled horrible to me. D has met one female.

Considering how good phermones make me wet and excited without a touch, we figure we found the opposite of the good ones in those few that we couldn't stand.

 

S

[Chicup 42]

How many of you can tell the difference between BO and phermones that are a turn off for you personally?

 

Just curious.

 

I've met one male and one female who were clean but smelled horrible to me. D has met one female.

Considering how good phermones make me wet and excited without a touch, we figure we found the opposite of the good ones in those few that we couldn't stand.

 

S

 

How did you know they were clean? There are a few rare conditions where people have a bad oder but mostly stink is stink. I've known people who don't use soap but shower regularly (all European). They all stank. You get the grime off but you don't get rid of the oils and the bacteria causing most of the stink. Interestingly for me, when I was sick and on a long term anti-biotic, I had almost no BO even when I should have been pretty ripe. After I went off I started to stink again if not properly showered.

 

Phermones themselves are sentless and so far there is no real proof they effect humans strongly and are still being studied. Even if you could have a negative reaction to the phermone they wouldn't smell 'bad' they would just be a turn off that goes directly to the brain (so again no smell).

 

My guess is that couple just stank

 

Now on direct topic...

 

B.O. is bad, but if there is going to be oral sex involved we EXPECT people to have showered just prior to showing up. Doing it in the morning isn't good enough for a party at 10pm, and that stink isn't a turn on for me or my wife.

[tribbles 490]

Chicup,

 

I have met 4 humans with super good, make me wet, phermones...all had a scent to me, 3 awesome smelling and one almost no scent but I got soaking wet when I was near. 3 males and one female so far. facelick (They maybe scentless to most people but I am part bitch )

 

And the not so good (okay, icky, horrible scents) were NOT a couple. One was a male, part of a couple and SHE tasted sweet and yummy and others had not a bit of trouble kissing and licking him ....heck, he kissed great and tasted clean in his mouth but the back of his neck, ears and his pubes had a scent that killed all the good stuff. And we met in a hot pool so 90% of scent was chlorine.

 

And we have met up with the same people more than once...we did a lot more club and group activity at that time. I even noticed cologne on him a few times that smelled good but up close, I got that same neg thing and gave him a hug and moved on. No one else but me seems to have any problem being near him and I've watched him get plenty of bj's from many other females AND they do come back for repeats. And it's not like he is anything special other than a nice guy.

 

 

 

The female that turned off my hubby tasted good to me...we BOTH ate her and he passed on more and I did most the licking while he used his fingers and kept his nose out of her vaginal area. Later he told me why.

 

/Sorry for thread drift

 

If others don't agree someone is smelly and find them yummy, I tend to know it's me. YMMV

 

S

[daisy girl 34]

Bad teeth...I love kissing.

Fake pictures...why lie?

Genital sores...enough said.

Bad smells...yipes!

[richdon03 31]

There are some things I've not come across when meeting swingers for a personal meet and I hope I never do.

 

Here are a few:

 

1. Bad teeth - I can't imagine kissing someone with rotting unhealthy teeth. I think this is why I like seeing a big smile in people's profiles, it gives me some assurance that I will like their mouth.

LM

 

True Story:

The very first party we went to (7 years ago) we noticed that virtually everyone had false teeth, and one guy had a mouthful of rotten teeth. It was disgusting. This group had known each other for years and no one seemed to mind. I remember asking my wife if there was something about swinging that caused people to lose their teeth. To this day, I have never been to a party with that much replacement dental work. Of course, we didn't participate. Nor did we return. Truly strange.

 

Suprises,...hmmm 1) That couple you met online w/o pics that you really seemed to click with, you go meet them and it's a relative of some sort!

 

Upon our second attempt to get involved with the lifestyle just a few months ago (our 2nd or third party, I believe), we were invited to a small house party meet & greet. We arrive at the house and are looking for the couple in the picture. Neither is terribly attractive anyway, but they sounded like nice people. We walk into the house, and it's (the house) the one in the profile, the dog is the one in the profile, but the host & hostess were... let's just say not quite as advertised. During the conversation, another guest who showed up that night asked about those people in the profile. The host's response? "Oh, that's my wife's sister, so and so. She's the one who got us into swinging. She couldn't be here tonight....." I kid you not! We did not play that night. Had this been our first event upon re-attempting this lifestyle, we would have just said forget it. You can't make this up, folks! :surrender

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

Eating with your mouth open, chewing and talking Gross, nasty, filthy, rude, disgusting, didn't your momma teach you.....BARF!!! Oh, and on LM's note ugly genitals. I don't want to get into a deep description so, let's just say I saw a hustler in the 90's where she tied it in a MINORA knot Never, ever, ever, ever, want to see that in real life at all no way no how :surrender

[danni654 16]

Omigod! You have met people from our area, haven't you!?! Add NASCAR and shopping at Walmart to the list of conversation no-nos for us! Hey, "weed on"!

A major turn off for us is uneducated, illiterate, and stupid. Fortunately, we manage to weed those out early in the process in most cases. A more subtle turnoff to me is a lack of introspection, a lack of self awareness. To me, that indicates a shallowness and want of imagination. We like to talk about more than the new camper shell he bought or the chicken broaster she got for her birthday.

 

Chip

[danni654 16]

For me, add super thick, never been touched, matted mounds of furry pussy. Been there and I certainly did not "do" that! Thank god we were in a group situation and I could do a "pass off"! LOL I prefer shaved (or lasered clean for good, like me). 'cuz pussy tastes too good to cover up!

 

1. Bad teeth - I can't imagine kissing someone with rotting unhealthy teeth. I think this is why I like seeing a big smile in people's profiles, it gives me some assurance that I will like their mouth.

 

2. I never want to go on a date with 'Hal' - Halitosis would stop anything from happening. I would have to be three feet away just to talk to the person! On the other hand, if a person's breathe smells like the great meal we just had, that's okay, I have often found I want to lick that great pepperoni pizza right out of his mouth.

 

3: An ugly penis - I've seen enough pics of bad ones that I fear one day when I meet one I'll freeze up right then and there and have to play sick, then rush out the door.

[singleagain 26]

I'm afraid I'll have someone show up that looks like a million dollars only to find out they spent their last fifty to get that way. I like to know what your hairdresser knows...it just seems to be a lot safer to me.

[notaswingeryet 21]

or the chicken broaster she got for her birthday.

 

Chip

Who buys their wife a chicken roaster for her birthday? Thats what jewelry and toys were made for.

ps I work for Wal Mart. I don't want to hear any one discuss it. Subject closed.

[clecouple 18]

What we have encountered is that we seem to click online or through a club forum and then when pictures are sent, they are bigger than we thought or they said. And we're not talking penis or boob size.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

You meet the other swingers for the first time for dinner in a nice quiet restaurant and "THEY TALK LIKE THIS ABOUT EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE FACT IT IS NICE TO MEET MORE SWINGERS RIGHT HERE IN THIS RESTAURANT!"

 

Had that happen years ago. Luckily, we had met this couple at some out of the way cafe so we didn't know anyone there, but all they talked about the whole time was sex and swinging... and loudly.

 

Another to add to the list that we've encountered... her lingerie comes off revealing a girdle underneath hiding a very different body than you expected.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Long story short, I'm always thankful that most swingers' clubs have an on-site shower. Pheremones are great (the scent of a clean yet unperfumed woman is a lovely thing); pheremones combined with a day's supply of filth are abominable. I've been turned off by BO, to the point where I've cut off all types of communication with the offenders in question.

 

And I'm not a big fan of race play. For every date that ends lighthearted, "So, did you enjoy a taste of dark meat?"-style banter, I've had my share of, "He's sticking that nigger prick in you, gonna make you a black cock whore, give you some coon babies..." ramblings. I don't like it, and I will leave without consummation if it happens to me.

[sweet_tna 680]

Ya'll have covered the big ones already (misrepresentation from pics, bad teeth/hygiene, ugly/unhealthy genitals). Only other one I can add is sloppy appearance. I may be cosmetically challenged, but I do make an effort to look my best. If it's obvious the other person made no effort, then it's a huge turnoff.

 

=)

[yogee 15]

A penis that looks like the head exploded - like the atom bomb - ....

 

. my friend had it and I myself said this to him: Hey, no self-respecting woman is going to like that . That was more than 12 years ago.

[bryanlee 147]

Rude people - Not just to me, but anyone in general.

 

Dirty people - Whether it is just the way they dress, smell or even a dirty home. I will walk away immediately.

 

Idiots - I can barely stand to be around them much less have any sort of sex with them. I call it self-inflicted retardation.

 

Racism - I have had people assume that just because I am from Alabama that I agree with their distorted views of reality.

[jdavisauto 73]

Our biggest turn off is dis-respectful to me or my lady half. When it comes to my lady half you will show her respect! My biggest fear is that we go into a room with a couple and I would be kissing on a lady and sucking her tits and when I get down between her legs is that she woulld have a bigger cock then me. It's not that she has a cock, hell my lady half would love that. It's that it would be bigger then mine.

[realcplub2 513]

Ok.. We thought we had some horror stories...

 

Case in point: the second couple we met, Seemed nice, things went well between IMs and telephone.. made arraingments to meet, and as we sat there, it was a HOLY SHIT moment..

 

She was dressed in and outfit that would make Brittney Spears blush,( i'd swear, the skirt stopped half an inch short of being a belt) and he was like he stepped out of Studio 54.. remember this was the MIDDLE 90's..

We smiled and I whispers to the Mrs, ok.. whats the worst that could happen.. we soon found out.. they gave us the full court press from the first minute they figured out it was us, to head somewhere else.. as far as body odor.. they never heard the phrase WHORE'S BATH, cause under the gallon and a half of cologne, they still needed a SHOWER... BAD!!

 

Well, thankfully, we were in public, I ducked away, and faked a "call" ( remember, it wasnt cells then, it was BEEPERS) and we had to get home right away.. and litteraly ran to the car!!

[Pepper & Drew 384]

The unwanted surprises I find the most difficult to deal with are the ones you find out once the clothes are off.

 

Smelly cat. Once you're down there, it's pretty hard to pop back up without playing a little bit.

 

Penis surprises. Now, I'm certainly not a size queen, but I've been surprised before about exactly how small a guy is. I've also been surprised (not pleasantly) about how big a guy is. If you're an elephant, please give a girl some warning!

 

Weird anatomy. We played with a girl that I swear had no clit hood. She just had very small lips that just kinda stopped at a point. I've never seen anything like it. Makes it kinda hard to figure out where to go...know what I mean?

 

Newness. If you've never full-swapped, or never played at all, or a woman who's never been with another woman, I'd rather it not be a surprise.

 

Pepper

[Chicup 42]

Mom?

[sweet_tna 680]

Mom?

 

That's wrong, just wrong. And yet . . .

 

=)

[LFM2 1,482]

Every time I see this thread, I just want to say what would really be a big surprise is when "she" is really a "HE"!! All dolled up and then you get back to the room... I guess that could fall under misrepresentation, huh? We're a couple that has the mindset that whatever floats your boat is cool, but we'd need a little time to let that one absorb before we seen it with our own four eyes.

 

Ok... No, there is not a story (well, not mine anyway) to this, but I mean, wouldn't this make ya wanna go "damn"?

Has this one already been said?

[fun4Ds 1,098]

 

Ok... No, there is not a story (well, not mine anyway) to this, but I mean, wouldn't this make ya wanna go "damn"?

Has this one already been said?

 

I think your the first

 

But, have you ever noticed they have the biggest weiners ? All the pics we have ever seen, there is never a tiny Weiner under the dress

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Every time I see this thread, I just want to say what would really be a big surprise is when "she" is really a "HE"!! All dolled up and then you get back to the room...

 

Makes me think of Crocodile Dundee and the scene in the bar. Absolutely hysterical

[Cafe10s 7]

In order to avoid all these unplesantries. Why don't you post Something like this. Example: Clean, Drug and Disease free. Proper higene a must. Look your best. The lady prefers a medium to long penisbut must be thick and circumsized. If your picture is old you will be found out embarrased and deserted. This should root out most of your undesireables.

[LFM2 1,482]

Makes me think of Crocodile Dundee and the scene in the bar. Absolutely hysterical

 

[hijack]

I'm gonna have to watch that movie again... I don't remember that part.

 

[Cpl2share 147]

How about a shaved coochy that hasn't been shaved in a week? Long enough to have little balls of TP stuck to it! Yuck!!!!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

[hijack]

I'm gonna have to watch that movie again... I don't remember that part.

 

 

The part where Mick grabs the woman in the crotch and says " just checkin"

 

O.k...... Now back to the topic

[fun4Ds 1,098]

How about a shaved coochy that hasn't been shaved in a week? Long enough to have little balls of TP stuck to it! Yuck!!!!

 

Oh, you mean popcorn...... pay no attention is the protocol

[Funovit 16]

While enjoying a night at a NYC swing club 10 years ago, had the unpleasant experience of crossing paths with the parents of a friend. Seeing his mother wearing lingerie and his father wrapped in a towel was weird but when they asked if we wanted to join them was awkward. Kindly declined, and went about our business only to find them having sex next to us in the orgy room later that night.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Only other one I can add is sloppy appearance.

 

What, no blue jeans with stripes down the leg?!?

 

Something else we hope never to discover... "It's great that we get along so great. Oh, by the way, my real name is Tom Tucker and my 'wife' is Dianne Simmons. We're with WUHO, and we're doing a expose on these so-called 'swinger clubs' in the neighborhood... can we get a comment? Oh, look into the hidden camera in my lapel and speak loudly, thanks."

[thegirl 22]

True Story:

The very first party we went to (7 years ago) we noticed that virtually everyone had false teeth, and one guy had a mouthful of rotten teeth. It was disgusting. This group had known each other for years and no one seemed to mind. I remember asking my wife if there was something about swinging that caused people to lose their teeth. To this day, I have never been to a party with that much replacement dental work. Of course, we didn't participate. Nor did we return. Truly strange.

 

Our first party was EXACTLY like this! LOL

 

We didn't have sex with anyone that night... except each other... and discovered that we LOVE to be watched while having sex! So, something good came out of it!

[intuition897 2,179]

Definitely some scary stuff.

 

1) Running into "undesirables" from our vanilla life. That includes family, neighbours or co-workers, but particularly those that make us shudder when we see them with their clothes ON.

 

2) Clingers: "Gee, look at the time, we really should be going..." "GREAT! Where are we going? Your hotel room? Are you staying at the HoJo? What's your room number??"

 

3) A combination of 1) and 2)

 

4) "Oh no, we're definitely married...just...uh...not to each other."

 

5) "I'm kinda hard to get going, so could your husband to put on this pink tutu and heels and spank me? No? Well...could you maybe piss on me, then?"

 

6) Lifestyle burn-outs.

 

7) Scared-rabbit newbies who pretend to be experienced...until you see for yourself that they have NO idea what they're doing or why they're doing this.

 

8) Poor oral hygiene.

 

9) Unclean, unkempt bodies. That means a general lack of interest in one's self-care. When you don't care for yourself properly, it tells me that you don't respect yourself.

 

On the topic of BO and pheromones, I've had it happen where my partner had some slight BO but it didn't turn me off because his pheromones trumped it. He wasn't "unclean" at all - the guy smelled like soap and sex (the pheromones talking) - but once he started to perspire a bit, the BO smell became more distinct. That's just the way some people's bodies are made, and the way their bacteria colonies behave. Soap helps, but it doesn't kill the problem.

 

Pheromones are really cool. I love it when I walk through a crowded public place like a mall or on the street and walk past someone who feels as though they're magnetized. It's not just their cologne/perfume; it's that certain je ne sais quoi that just makes you want to turn around and follow them, or makes you immediately undress them in your mind. It's not a scent, per se. It's something more primal and harder to measure or describe. But in its way, it's more immediate and real than scent an individual's smell. It's like the essence of the person on a much more intimate level, which they can't disguise or cover up with cologne.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The unwanted surprises I find the most difficult to deal with are the ones you find out once the clothes are off.

 

At that point it is SO much harder to turn around and run. We were there... she looked cute in her babydoll nightie, but funny when it came off that underneath there was a full figure bra and a GIRDLE underneath her matching panties. Who does that?

 

 

Add to that Racism - we play in our race and expect you to also (found out after the fact).

 

The couple who shows up to meet you and lets you know that they brought only enough money to choose between whether to drink or eat... and then decides to drink (way too much).

 

In order to avoid all these unplesantries. Why don't you post Something like this. Example: Clean, Drug and Disease free. Proper higene a must. Look your best. The lady prefers a medium to long penisbut must be thick and circumsized. If your picture is old you will be found out embarrased and deserted. This should root out most of your undesireables.

 

If only ... the problem is that much like the truth that those who put "no drama" in their profiles are usually the ones who bring the majority of it... most often those you try to weed out by putting comments like the above in your profile usually don't or won't realize those comments apply to them (if they read the comments at all).

[CXXC 435]

It has never happened BUT the worst thing I could ever experience would have to be engaged with a couple in a private room. Just having the times of our lives, me with his mate and he with mine. Out of the blue, he procedes to turn on HIS BI side!

 

I think I would run screaming like a teen age girl at a horror movie! SHUDDER!

 

What I have experience is a couple who sent me "Updated" photos of themselves the day before we met them. I guess by updated they ment they took them with their new Kodak 110! They looked NOTHING Like the couple in the pictures. Either that or they walked by an air hose on the way in and got attacked by it along with a bottle of gray hair die!

 

SIGH!

 

What's up with that? Do they really think we would not notice a difference? Hmmmm?

[Miss Sunshine 29]

1. 10's

2. people who think they are 10's

3 ken

4 barbie

5 ken and barbie

6 perfect people

7 people who think they are perfect

8 rudeness

9 crudeness

10 disrespect

[JustMrJ 178]

Well, I would fail on the teeth issue (mine are NOT straight), but I do keep them clean and my breath fresh. *sigh* leftovers from my youth. Screw up your baby teeth, then find out later you shattered some of your adult ones before they even came in.

 

As to the rest, my wife and I keep ourselves clean, shaved/trimmed, our photos up to date and try to be pleasant and unbiased to anyone we talk to.

 

Beyond that, what can you do right?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

What are we going to do. If we listed all of our dislikes in our Swing Lifestyle profile, we would look like a couple of sourpusses and the profile would be tediously long to read. I have advised many people that displaying "negatives" in a profile is a poor idea. Even if we had made and displayed a list of our dislikes, here is one we would never have considered including in the list. And we were faced with it this very afternoon during an initial meeting with two people who had found our on-line profile and invited us. About fifteen minutes into our conference across a restaurant table, the guy turns to his left, throws his legs over the side of the Naugahyde-padded bench, lowers his head, pulls his lower lip out with one hand and uses his other to put a big wad of snuff between his gum and cheek.

 

It was all JoAnn could do to not upchuck into her cocktail glass. I was speechless. Needless to say, we will not be seeing them again. It was truly a surprise you would hope never to discover when meeting swingers.

 

~Michael