Jealous problem for a newbie

[Guest Unregistered]

First let me start by saying my spelling sucks and i can't find a spell check on here:) Ok here it goes we are still new to this (had 4 exp. to date) the last 2 were at a O-P club. Now up 2 the last time I havn't had any problems with any jealous issuses. But here is what happen the last time. We went to the club and had playmates already set up. It was a couple we meet from the 1st time we went to this place. Everything was going good until I come back from the bathroom and my wife was dancing with another guy and she had no top on. Now this was not the male half of the couple we went to meet. That pissed me off to no end. We still played with the other couple that we planned on playing with but I just wasn't into it. Now i'm to the point were I don't won't to do this anymore but my wife loves it. She said she didn't she anything wrong with it and didn't think it was a rule but we have a no seprate play rule. She said she did not sleep with him and didn't think it was wrong. I felt left out and it really hurt me. I'm I wrong? Is it childish feeling this why? I have no problem when were in the same room playing.

[bill&sabrina 22]

This sounds like is a misunderstanding. She didn't think dancing topless with someone was breaking a rule, but you didn't like it. Let is slide this time, but explain to her how it made you feel. You admit to being new, and things like this happen to newbies. Sabrina and I are fairly seasoned, but still encounter situations that leave us wondering if we are breaking a rule. So we talk about it.

[ohash01 20]

I'd have problems considering dancing topless at a club to be "playing". Now - I'm not saying that you're wrong for feeling jealous, because everyone is entitled to their feelings. But, I'm a female and I don't think I'd consider that playing...DEFINATELY flirting though.

 

She knows that upsets you now. If you two communicated about it, I'm sure she will respect your feelings now. It was just a little bump in the road - everyone has them. I'm sure you could continue swinging as long as you keep those lines of communication open and keep respecting one another.

[richdon03 31]

That's an interesting way to look at it and I, being a newbie can understand the way you look at it. My situation is slightly different. I'm constantly trying to encourage my wife to get more into the spirit of the moment, but I never really considered this as a possible consequence. I think you kinda learn as you go and I'd probably chalk this up as a learning experience. I guess one of the big risks of this lifestyle is that one partner is always a bit more enthusiastic than the other. Maintaining a balance is difficult.

[mike big 13]

well for that matter, i too would be upset and jealous. i had a relationship like that, where i would tell my partner that such and such made me jealous and she never acknowledged it. She would say something along those lines. i would talk to her and let her know and see if she can at least understand why you were jealous. ya know communication is really important if your starting the life style.

 

if she acknowledges you. forgive her and state all the rules once more. maybe she really didnt think she was doing anything wrong and is really not a bad person. mistakes do happen

[sereneiders 263]

One of the things that could be hard to learn for beginners is that we cannot foresight all and everithing that may happen along the way. We give for granted the other knows, and should know of, our expectations, fantasies and limits, and even when you do your best effort to talk and communicate, there is no guarantee that you'll success.

 

So your wife's expectations differs from yours. Do you feel she did this on purpose to hurt your feelings? If you do, then you're in troubles even before swinging and you need to talk. If you don't, then take it easy, recover from the wound, and use the experience to learn how to prepare yourselves for the next one.

 

Shit happens, and if you cannot deal with this, then perhaps you have to stop swinging.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Often times people have a misunderstanding with the play together rule.

 

Some people means any type of dancing, kissing, clothing optional, touching and so forth.

To me it means the actual act and possibly any sort of penatration where it be orally or with a finger etc...

 

Mrs. truelove and I have never truly discussed what playing together meant to us. We just had a "feel" for what each of us was comfortable with and went with the flow. That worked for us because we accurately gauged each other's feelings.

What I think happened here is pretty much the same scenario but you guys missed on the guessing what each other was comfortable with.

 

All that means is you need to go back to the discussion level and talk about your feelings. She needs to respect your feelings about the topless dancing, and I think it's best to move at the slowest person's pace.

 

I think I would have a hard time with your playing together rule as it stands, and I think most people you meet will assume that things like topless dancing fall outside of the rules of "playing together." So I would make sure to specify that in your chat with couples before the playing begins.

 

Keep us posted!

 

Mr. Truelove

[NandTfromCA 84]

I wouldn’t be concerned about your jealousy issue in and of itself. You never know what is going to set you off, only to look back on it and think, “What was I worried about?”

 

I’m wondering why such a drastic response to the situation though. Do you think she was trying to hurt you? Do you think she is discounting your feelings? Do you distrust her?

 

If the answer is “yes” to any of those, then you two need to work on your relationship before thinking about swinging.

 

If the answer is “no” to all of those, then I see this as just a learning experience. She did something that she didn’t realize would upset you. You guys talk it out and figure out how to proceed. You move on, stronger than before.

 

On a side note- I think it’s easier to have issues like this arise when you are in a club atmosphere (whether at a party, club, etc) because there is so much going on, and it is less controlled. You could consider meeting couples, 2-on-2 in a mellower atmosphere and then proceeding from there.

 

Mr.

[BigDave 15]

I don't understand why seeing her dancing topless with another guy didn't turn you on. Maybe you should have been more pissed that she wasn't wearing a short mini skirt and no panties and rubbing his cock through his pants getting him all worked up because she is so ht and beautiful.

 

Maybe I'm a pervert.

[VanHlebar 187]

This sort of situation happened to MrsVan and I awhile back, but in reverse. We had gone to a club with some friends of our for a B'day party for the male half. We had met and played with this couple before and our intentions that night were to play with this couple again. They had invited a few other friends to the club also and we met these couples for the first time that night.

 

Well, something click between myself and the female half of another couple. We just started flirting and dancing during the evening and I was also flirting with the wife of the couple we had planned on meeting. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know, I have this other womans shirt pulled up and her boob just happens to fall into my mouth. I don't know how it happend...honestly I don't. Anyway, MrsVan is sitting at the other end of the table with the B'Day boy and well, lets just say that I could feel the heat from 12 feet away. Needless to say, we ended up leaving the party VERY early that night and it was a very quiet ride home. We laugh and joke about this event now, but that night it was pretty bad.

 

The error came in this. I was right in front of her and she saw what I was doing all night long. I figured that since we were at the club and everyone was having a good time AND I knew we were not going to play with this couple, that I was ok. Man was I wrong. :rollseyes This thing is, you will make mistakes while swinging, so will she. The mistakes are not the big thing, it's how you deal with them that is. If you communicate to her that what you saw bothered you AND she heard you, then let it slide and just learn from it.

 

Hope that helps and if not...I am sure someone will get a laugh out of it anyways.

 

-Van

[aahours1 16]

This all just sounds like a big misunderstanding between the two of you. Very easily corrected. If you are going to make rules, make them specific. We (I and my fiance) do not think anything is wrong with topless dancing with another guy. She was not going behind your backseeing that you were still there and coming back from the restroom. No harm done. Relax and let it flow. AND please stay away from the jealousy issue, will hurt you and yours in the long run. If you are that jealous, get out while the getting is good. But I would think it is just a big misunderstanding on YOUR part.....

[bigjoehd 26]

We always tell people who are new to this stuff to be prepared for everything & talk about ALL the what if's before hand,these type adult situations that we all seek are not 100% controlable & agreeing on a bunch of rules thinking we can somehow control every aspect of the evening is not going to happen.

 

If jealousy is allready an issue your having about her being topless i'd say you should take another look at what you hope to gain from this & also stop to think about how you will feel if another rule was broken & something a bit more sexual were to happen.