Not many couples our age (young)?

[kristielane82 15]

Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby and I hope this doesn't come out that way. My husband and I are 24 and rather new to swinging and I have already become frustrated. It seems that whenever we go to a club we are far better looking and younger than anyone there! I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging?? Has anyone else encountered this problem?? We have met one couple our age and it was very enjoyable, so they have given me a little hope to hang in there. At this point though it's getting a little annoying that most of the people there are my parents age. Any advice on this issue?????

[CuriousInOregon 16]

I would suggest that you talk to your club administrator and ask if there is a Night that is devoted to a 20's crowd other than that its the Luck of the draw

[Chicup 41]

Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby and I hope this doesn't come out that way. My husband and I are 24 and rather new to swinging and I have already become frustrated. It seems that whenever we go to a club we are far better looking and younger than anyone there! I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging?? Has anyone else encountered this problem?? We have met one couple our age and it was very enjoyable, so they have given me a little hope to hang in there. At this point though it's getting a little annoying that most of the people there are my parents age. Any advice on this issue?????

 

In our mid 30's we tend to be on the younger side at the local clubs.

 

Think swinging doesn't really start until your 40's in the midwest for most.

[ItTakes3 19]

"Caste System" in the Lifestyle Based on Age/Beauty?

[Alura 2,774]

It takes a very strong marriage to successfully swing, Kristielane. For most folks, it takes a long time and a marriage or two to learn to communicate well enough to swing.

 

Young folks who develop the necessary skills early on are rarer than those who have had twenty years of marriage to learn to understand each other.

 

That's just my opinion, of course.

[flkeyscouple 21]

It takes a very strong marriage to sucessfully swing, Kristielane. For most folks, it takes a long time and a marriage or two to learn to communicate well enough to swing.

 

Young folks who develop the necessary skills early on are rarer than those who have had twenty years of marriage to learn to understand each other.

I agree with Alura. I don't think my communication (when I was in the mid-20's) was anything near what it is now. We needed the time to learn to love, communicate, trust, and be open. I am not saying that we were not in love, good at communication, untrusting, or not open - I am saying it took TIME to be comfortable. I hope that makes sense.

 

Therefore, the lifestyle has more participants that are older. That's not to say you won't find many in your age group. I think someone that suggested asking the club to promote a 'young' day had a great idea!

 

Good luck!

 

Sarah

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Mrs. Truelove and I are 29, I feel we communicate well and possess many of the traits that we feel are necessary in swinging. We went to a meetup and got along wonderfully with everyone there despite many of them being older than us to some degree.

 

We've met some that are in our age bracket, I think give or take 5 years would qualify, and they were all very good people. But overall I think many people in their 20s just don't get swinging the way I think you should. So I think that makes things difficult.

 

Lookswise, I'd love to swing with 20ish people. But I'm really looking for people in their mid-thirties as our personalities will probably mesh a lot better. This might come out as being a little narcissistic, but that isn't the intent.

 

I feel like we are one of those rarer couples that Alura speaks of, and I hope you are too, but realize, until we get older it'll be a little harder to find partners with a level of maturity that will make swinging truly fun.

 

Everyone finds different types of people attractive. But I have definitely seen woman ages 30-50 that I find to be very attractive. I chalk this up to most swingers having a more youthful personality, and taking care of themselves better than the average person. So don't rule the older ones out, you might be missing out!

[richdon03 31]

Other suggestions would be to ask others at your club if they know of clubs that cater to crowds closer to your age or use a dating site. SwingLifeStyle lists 290 matches between the age fo 21 & 27 on within the last month in the Dayton area (w/in 50 miles). I agree that it is more difficult to find a younger crowd, but they are out there. We've met two couples recently (one was 21 & 23 ,the other was 23 & 30 ) in just the past month but we did it online.

[38and9 47]

We gotta go along with CuriousinOregon on this one. Since you definitely do have a preference (age-wise), don't depend on the luck of the draw. Accordingly, you have to do some more checking. In Ca, there are "affairs" that have nights or events that are within a certain age groups. Look into those.

 

And NO, you did not come across snobby! Everybody has preferences.

[Chicup 41]

ItTakes3 said:

"Caste System" in the Lifestyle Based on Age/Beauty?

 

I don't want to turn this into another pointless 'Ken and Barbie' thread but lets give the kids a break here.

 

When we started in our mid/late 20's we had no desire to play with couples we viewed as much older than ourselves. I can't blame a couple in their early 20's not being interested in couples that have more in common with their parents than them. Likewise while I know my share of unattractive 20 somethings, as a rule most people ARE better looking when they are in their early 20's than their early 40's, its natures way. Some things get better with age, but as a rule, looks are not one of those things.

 

So rather then go into knee jerk, how dare people think about looks in swinging, try to imagine if your first swing club experience was with people hitting on you who have kids close to your age, and understand how it can be a major turn off.

 

Personally I think early 20's is too young to swing, and if a couple that young wanted to play with us, I'd want to be get to know them better than the 'average' couple due to all the potential issues.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Chicup said:

Personally I think early 20's is too young to swing, and if a couple that young wanted to play with us, I'd want to be get to know them better than the 'average' couple due to all the potential issues.

 

I agree there.

[WesternSwing 504]

In our area the average seems to be mid-30's, although there are many 20-somethings. In fact a quick search on a site we're on come back with 205 "certified" couples between the ages of 21 and 30 looking for other couples.

 

Because Mrs. WS is 31 (I'm 41) we tend to meet allot of couples more about her age and younger. I guess I'm lucky in the fact that many say I look closer to my wife's age than my real age.

 

You're right, there are many that are in their 40's and older, but, if you look around, and get hooked-up with the right parties there are plenty in your age range, too.

 

Mr. WS

[lovinher 505]

Heres a rule I just can't break..just can't do it. Nobody younger than my kids!

[flkeyscouple 21]

Heres a rule I just can't break..just can't do it. Nobody younger than my kids!

I agree with this rule completely!! That being said, my fantasies still have some very young studs in them!! :surrender

 

Sarah

[richdon03 31]

Heres a rule I just can't break..just can't do it. Nobody younger than my kids!

I started having kids late (I was 30 when my son was born) so I think I'm pretty safe for quite some time. My wife is 34 and I'm 43. She has an acceptable age range of 25 and up. Mine starts a little lower than that . This is all about doing what (who) you enjoy. Increase your odds. Use personals sites. Not only do you get to pick your liasons, but they are usually a good place to find venues that may work best for you. SLS has been the best site for us to meet younger couples. Our favorite site seems to skew older in our area. Another idea is to look for Yahoo! groups in your area.

[MiMi2O 15]

Has anyone else encountered this problem??

 

Yup, we have the same problem out here in Oregon. My wife and I are 23/24 and also new to swinging. Just keep searching and you will find them.

[Guest MrsVan]

MrVan and I are in our early 30's and while we have come across this at most of the clubs, I would have to say that you may also want to give those people a chance to get to know them personally. We have met several couples who are around our age and we have a great time, but we have also met older couples who do not act anything like their age. We have met some in their 40's and 50's and those couples that we have met, we have become very great friends with.

 

That being said, I do not go over the age of 50 for me in men unless he does not look or act his age. MrVan does not mind too much about age but we do have a rule that we do not play with anyone younger than 25. Our reason as others have said is that they are not mature enough or their relationship has not matured to the point that we think they can handle the lifestyle.

 

You are going to have better luck in not always looking for a ken/barbie couple but having some restrictions for yourselves is important. If you are not finding couples that are either older or younger, then I would do as previously mentioned and talk with people at the club or management and see if there is a night that attracts a younger crowd than an older crowd. You may find that many people at the clubs know how the nights plan out as far as ages.

 

Good luck!

 

MrsVan

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

kristielane82 said:

Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby and I hope this doesn't come out that way. My husband and I are 24 and rather new to swinging and I have already become frustrated. It seems that whenever we go to a club we are far better looking and younger than anyone there! I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging?? Has anyone else encountered this problem?? We have met one couple our age and it was very enjoyable, so they have given me a little hope to hang in there. At this point though it's getting a little annoying that most of the people there are my parents age. Any advice on this issue?????

At age 24 your parents are probably 44-50 and there are many swingers this age so be prepared to see them at the clubs and on ad sites because they're always going to be there.

 

Even though we only started swinging after 50, when we first attended clubs we were disappointed with the "look" of so many swingers. We didn't find many had the instant physical and sexual appeal we hoped to find...in any age group! My point in mentioning this is that age doesn't always play a role in sex appeal and once you start going to clubs you need to open your eyes to more that is attractive in people than what you those first 'ideal' visions you have in mind. With time we found that meeting people and getting to know them a little - even if we didn't think we'd be interested in playing with them - helped us discover the appeal many people have. Sometimes from a distance a couple didn't grab our attention, but after talking with them awhile, right up close, they blossomed in our eyes and had great sex appeal. We found that younger people often told us they hadn't considered people our age until meeting us, and now they are open to people in our age group.

 

You may not feel you would want to play with people beyond 30, but keep an open mind. You might be surprised to find a couple in their 40s very appealing, once you get to know them.

[daisy girl 34]

When we started, we looked only for people who were early 20s to mid thirties. Our only experience with a couple younger than us was a mild disaster...their relationship was dysfunctional; they lacked communication and it was clear that she was not as interested in swinging as he was. They really should not have been swinging. After this experience, we started to really think about the age thing...We have learned that there are hot people in all age groups. It really depends on how people take care of themselves AND how they see themselves. So, don't let age be a drawback...go for attraction!!

[WesternSwing 504]

When we started, we looked only for people who were early 20s to mid thirties. Our only experience with a couple younger than us was a mild disaster...their relationship was dysfunctional; they lacked communication and it was clear that she was not as interested in swinging as he was. They really should not have been swinging. After this experience, we started to really think about the age thing...We have learned that there are hot people in all age groups. It really depends on how people take care of themselves AND how they see themselves. So, don't let age be a drawback...go for attraction!!

Our first experience - which ended-up not happening with them - was with a couple older than us. Their relationship was also dysfunctional and they should not have been in the Lifestyle. Like you said, you could see he was into it and she wasn't. The night ended with them having a fight and us leaving.

 

So age has little to do with it. Quality of people in the relationship does.

 

Mr. WS

[ohash01 20]

J. and I are in our mid-upper 20's. We only survive doing this because we are both completely uninhibited communication-wise. Some couples our age who start swinging implode soon after...it can be hard.

 

And yes, there definately are couples your age swinging, and I'm sure there are couples that have the looks you want. The couple we see most frequently is mid-20s and very attractive. We found them through SLS. I just don't think that many people our age frequent clubs on a regular basis. All the swingers our age that I've spoken to have the same reasoning..."Why pay $50/night plus annual fees plus BYOB when you can go to a bar, have a few drinks, and hang out for $20?"

[kristielane82 15]

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

[Alura 2,774]

Quote

Kristylane asked in her original post:

 

I was just wondering if there are not many people our age involved in swinging??

 

There are not as many folks your age, Kristylane. Some of us simply tried to explain that it takes most married couples many years to develop the communication skills necessary to successfully swing. That's why, in my opinion, fewer young couples swing. I think nobody wanted to question the strength of your relationship. In fact, probably few of us care.

 

Older folks are not generally so insistent on physical beauty, having learned the hard way that inner beauty is both better and more fun. Those of us who, over the years, have experienced more in life are generally not so testy or demanding and most often, easier to get along with.

 

When you read this post, we'd be grateful if you'd pay particular attention to words like "generally," "most often," "some of..." and the like.

[Alura 2,774]

Quote

Western Swing wrote:

 

Their relationship was also dysfunctional and they should not have been in the Lifestyle. Like you said, you could see he was into it and she wasn't.

 

We've had a similar experience, Mr. WS. It happens far too often in the lifestyle. Mrs. Alura and I consider it nothing less than spouse abuse.

 

In one case, a younger couple lied to us, first telling us that they were inexperienced when, as they later admitted, they had had several MFM experiences with single men who were strangers they picked up in bars. It turned out the wife had agreed to a couple only because the husband wanted another woman and couldn't find a single one.

 

Had they been honest in the first place, we'd have never even met with them.

 

We were young and inexperienced at the time, too, but fortunately we didn't catch any STDs so we just chalked it up as a lesson learned and moved on. We've learned a lot since then.

[WesternSwing 504]

J. and I are in our mid-upper 20's. We only survive doing this because we are both completely uninhibited communication-wise. Some couples our age who start swinging implode soon after...it can be hard.

 

And yes, there definately are couples your age swinging, and I'm sure there are couples that have the looks you want. The couple we see most frequently is mid-20s and very attractive. We found them through SLS. I just don't think that many people our age frequent clubs on a regular basis. All the swingers our age that I've spoken to have the same reasoning..."Why pay $50/night plus annual fees plus BYOB when you can go to a bar, have a few drinks, and hang out for $20?"

Interesting observation. We've seen what I can only relate as allot of the younger couples going to the parties and living on the fringe of the Lifestyle. Never really swinging, just going to the swinger parties so they can dance on the pole and have something to talk about Monday to all their friends, the "You should have seen the party we went to on Saturday!" type stuff.

 

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing 504]

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

Actually, I feel the strength of their relationship is our business. If there is going to be drama, we don't want to be part of it. We've been to house parties where the husband/boyfriend of an early 20's couple stormed-out and ended-up laying on someone's lawn throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get the FMF he wanted with a party guest because his wife/girlfriend veto'd his choice. It screwed-up the party for allot of people around them.

 

I'm not saying just younger people have drama, but they seem to be over represented in the experiences we've had. It seems from our vantage point that some of these younger couples just don't have the time together, and thus the trust and solid foundation in their relationship that only comes with time. There just seems to be more potential for drama here as young egos and insecurities run rampant. Doesn't mean all young couples are this way, but like I said, it seems to us more have issues than older, more established couples and relationships.

 

Mr. WS

[NCcuriouscpl 15]

On the opposite side of the age group, I had some questions from an 'older couple' (60's) this past weekend just getting into the lifestyle....as they felt like they were 'outnumbered'!! They asked if anyone had thought of having a 'special nite for SENIORS'!! My answer to them was......'Well, wouldn't that be discriminatory?'

 

Lol, not a laughing matter.....but, I think that those younger AND older than the average 'median' age group sometimes feel uncomfortable in a new setting. After all.....they are uncomfortable with the new setting ANYWAY at first!!

 

Young/Old, Big/Small, Pretty/Ugly.....we all have feelings about ourselves that may be positive/or negative. But there are always some folks in the group that will have an interest in each other.....

 

Just my 2 cents worth

[prettylady 221]

kristielane82 said:

I would like to thank the few people who have actually answered the question I asked. I'm not sure why the rest of you are answering about the strength of a relationship. That is not the question and quite frankly, none of your business. I am not sure how you ended up so off topic. As far as looking at "older" couples for what else is attractive besides their appearance, I would consider an older couple if they were physically attractive. I don't think that wanting a couple we swing with to be physically attractive is a bad thing, who wants to sleep with someone they only like for what they have inside. Be honest here, nobody I know does!

 

For those of us who take swinging seriously, as a "lifestyle", relationship is what it is all about.

 

Some have spoke of drama among younger people. Well at the risk of pissing you off. You just proved their point.

 

These people tried to give you the best advice they could. These people have been there and done that. They made the mistakes and are trying to keep you from making similar mistakes and as a thank you, you cop an attitude.

 

By the way, if I like what I see on the inside, Ya I would like to sleep with them. Chemistry is were it is at. Honestly.

[westlakeman 15]

I've meet up with a much older couple when I was on the road , I meet them online and had a chance to meet up with them. The night went well, had drinks and they asked me up to the room for a threesome. I had no problem. When we finally started swinging, the hubby sat on a chair in the corner and watched me make whooppie to his wife. That freaked me out at first and she informed me that it was a fantasy she wanted and I had the chance to help out with her wish. I was 36 at the time. She was in her late 50s and she was a dream to swing with.....

 

Age doesn't matter, if you can play in the sand box, go for it...