Personal Ads - Yes or No

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We had this poll a while back but it was prior to the software change, so it got lost. Figured I'd post it again. Do you use online personal ads to meet other swingers?

[mksNmd 15]

Definitely YES!

 

Our experience with personal ads has been very good. We have yet to be stood up or stalked or otherwise harrassed and we do not mind giving out our phone number. Contrary to what some here have stated, we have found that most people placing ads (even on the internet) are genuine.

 

It's the clubs that we do not like. Very cliquey.

[bimrdcpl 15]

We also use online ads to look for other people, so far we have only met one couple and one single male and both were very positive experiences. Plus we have friends who were friends before swinging that are on there now, so we exchange notes on the fakes and liars that we have all talked to....

 

We like going to dances because you get to know people right away but when there is the night that there are the cliques it can be boring, so thats when we decide to have our public fun ie: hands down pants and up skirts, open shirts, flashing etc.

 

 

Dawn

[TeamSoBe 36]

I have already been ranting about the dangers of meeting people in person from any web site in another thread. I have to admit though, that the people that we have been meeting lately are from web sites. We just moved to a new area that happens to have a very active swinging community and we're using the web sites to meet new people.

 

We are mainly just extremely cautious though. We have seen too many problems with weirdos hiding behind the net and pretending to be something different. We only meet new alleged couples at a local off-premises party, and we just don't even attempt meeting single guys online.

 

Some web communities can do a pretty good job of encouraging people to nurture good reputations, those are the ones that we like. Sometimes you'll notice that you see the same familiar faces all over the place, and that those people are well-known for being kind and honest, flaky, super hot, really shallow, charismatic, whatever. When you meet somebody that can be vouched for by friends online you can feel more comfortable that they are real and that they aren't dangerous. That's why we're "TeamSoBe" everywhere, people recognize the name after a while and it encourages us to behave responsibly and try to be social butterflies in person and online instead of being selfish and deceitful or rude or whatever. In that sense web site personals can be helpful to the swinger community. The system at Swingers Date Club that lets people validate each other is especially neato, I thought. That beneficial aspect of a web community is only there if you pay attention to who people are and recognize people though, which takes some work. If you show up from out of nowhere and meet up with people without knowing anything about them then you're back to playing Russian Roulette.

[lovefest04 698]

Yes Yes yes.

 

We have yet to figure out how to develop "friends" any other way. We aren't club people and all of our other friends are definitely out.

 

We have had great success with both swinger sites and more mainstream places like Craigslist. Seems to be a lot more flakes on CL so you must be patient and weed out the trash, but once you dig in it can be worthwhile.

 

We are generally more comfortable with a bit of annonimity and the online sites let us maintain some control, although probably just a perception.

[gsu22 187]

I have and will continue to do so........I've only had a few problems with it and the majority of the ones I've met have been good.

[good times 991]

We have a couple of ads up but I can't say I'm very impressed with the results. If we didn't have several clubs handy we might make more use of them but it is so much more time consuming to meet people through ads that we prefer the clubs.

[curious24 17]

I have but no one ever replies to messages I send them. Being a single male is tough

[pjkrtm 15]

That would be a yes! Considering we are not into the club scene (let me re phrase that...we have not tried the clubs) and do not know of any other way to meet other swingers. If any of you know PLEASE fill us in!!!!

[married_lovers 15]

We go to clubs and use ads--often we combine the two. We start to chat through the ad and then suggest that we either meet for dinner and then go to the club--or just meet at the club. The biggest problem for us (if it is a problem) is that the people in the ad sometimes misrepresent themselves in some way. But even then, we enjoy meeting new people. It's just that sometimes the pictures that they use are 10 or 20 years out of date. It's a bit of shock when someone pulls up in the parking lot and rolls out of the car in a walker (well, that's never happened--but close!).

 

I think that you pick up a feel for the creeps and the picture collectors after a while and it is easy to weed them out.

[DBL D 120]

We've had some luck with ads but it is more time consuming than we'd like.

 

Going to a dance is the best way to meet but you will have to go to a lot of dances to meet everyone.

 

Ads put you out there in the 1st place.

 

Male D

[Just_us49 32]

We've had good luck with ads. It seems some sites are more suited for an area than others and our experience has been some sites are geared more for swingers than others.

 

I've made my living from the phone and net for over ten yrs so I guess I've developed a systematic approach to weeding out folks we wouldn't be interested in meeting.

 

We try to guage where our contacts are in the process of actually meeting and file them accordingly. If it seems they are slow we put them on the back burner..if it clicks we move a bit faster.

 

The biggest help we have found is stating exactly what we are looking for and letting people know the process we prefer for meeting. For instance we will not meet if the ladies don't do a phone call before hand to establish some credibilty on both parts.

 

We have no club experience at all but The Spoo's may help us out on that one

[nhcpl1968 18]

We voted yes we do use ads, but we also go to house parties...

 

We have had better luck with the house parties. The last couple we met off the ads didn't work out.

[agilemicpl43sum 15]

We voted yes on the ad's, but I have to say, we have not had much luck with them. Since we are paying members on a couple of them, we find alot of the freebies (non-paying members) are not serious and since it's at no cost to them..they have nothing to lose. Have not been to a club yet, but would love to some time. Can anyone direct us to a good one in Michigan?

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We're ad people! Everyone we've met locally has been through ads. We don't have any clubs nearby, and even if there were, I don't think we'd go very often. It's worked well for us so far.

[ranchcouple3 15]

We are also ad users, mainly because there are no clubs in our area. It does take time, but as we are newbies and pretty cautious, it might be all our fault.

[BiNWAR 15]

Unfortunately we dont have any clubs in our area and even if we did my hubby isn't comfortable around huge groups of people, hes kind of shy. Now me I would have a blast at one of the clubs and would love to go.

 

We mostly look for single males which is kind of hard because you never know whats going to be on the other end. The ones we have talked to have been respectful but that doesn't mean in person they would be.

 

We did meet one couple from SLS and boy they were pushy and wanted us to drop down and have sex right there on the first meeting, they couldn't carry a conversation unless it had to do with sex and the hubby kept grabbing her various body parts and calling her sexy bottom and sexy this and sexy that. I'm sorry but we are affectionate but they were sickening....That right there almost stopped us from swinging (we are pretty new) but we decided that maybe there is a couple out there online that is just like us and looking for a sane good time.

[ohmy69 15]

I too have used the ad's on SLS and BayCouples...........and amazingly I have had really good response with mine. One of my biggest compliants with the site and the people who use them is that most people don't responde one way or the other to your emails. I feel it just polite to reply even if your not interested. It will save you time and them time in the long run if you just be honest...........No thank you mean the same thing on the websites as it does in the clubs - NO EXPLAINATION NECESSARY - just no thank you.

[jennandjamesinm 87]

We have an ad posted on SLS and also go to clubs. I like SLS better, not as much of a meat market. We have a couple of prospective dates soon too.

[rascalone 15]

have had good luck with ads

[DJTriad 15]

We have been very fortunate in that we have met and made a lot of great friends through ads like swappernet. Of course, we always do prior screenings such as trading pics, chatting, and a phone call.

[RANDJ4FUN 15]

We prefer to meet old friends at private parties and we do go to clubs. When we are in the mood we usually meet single males (for MFM) on ad sites.

[blondie77 17]

The only way we've met other swingers is through the internet. In the area we live in it's very hard to meet like-minded people. We live in the "boondocks" so to speak and don't have any clubs within a hundred miles. Nor do we have any big towns within two hours driving distance that would cater to this lifestyle. So we are stuck doing the online thing, which is very time consuming and can be frustrating at times, but we're left with no other options. We have met quite a few wonderful people, though we always have to travel a bit.....that's the price we pay to have fun, I guess...haha.

[Amanda69 24]

No..tried them in the past...too difficult to make connections and too many players out there. The best way to meet is always in person so at the clubs or parties.

[2jersey 16]

In a perfect world, we would probably prefer online ad sites over the more direct way of meeting people – clubs and parties. The ‘imperfection’ we allude to is that the ad sites include a lot of insincere people who hide behind a cloak of anonymity while playing head games with people. Unfortunately, even the relatively sincere people don’t seem to put a lot of serious thought into creating a seductive and meaningful profile - and many seem to have the same careless disregard when reading the profiles of others.

 

We understand the point of view of those who assert that there is no substitute for meeting in person. This statement is irrefutably accurate – unless one is interested in cybersex. We would never make a play decision until meeting in person, and we expect the same from others. The purpose/usefulness of ad sites, in our opinion, relates to the opportunity to pre-screen people as an early indication of compatibility. For us, pre-screening (online) has advantages in the areas of safety and efficiency.

 

Illustration: We live in a NYC suburb and we often get notes from people in New York City – “Do you want to meet up for drinks”? Well, yes, that might be nice. However, let us factor in the need for a babysitter, a two-to-three hour roundtrip commute, and the commitment of a scarce and valuable weekend evening. If we sit down with a couple for a half-hour at a bar and leave unimpressed – is it worth our ‘costs’? We believe it is worth exploring these meetings, on occasion – but only when we have pre-screened someone online and have a good sense that we might be compatible when we meet face-to-face.

 

As with many/most people, we don’t have any clubs within a convenient distance from our home. However, with clubs we can at least play the numbers game. If, for example, we could ‘speed date’ 10 couples in a couple of hours (i.e. have a series of brief private conversations), there would probably be a good chance of finding someone with whom we could hook up. And if things didn’t workout on a given evening – it is not as if we have wasted ten nights in the process.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Our thoughts are the same as 2jersey's. We like using personal ads for the same reasons.

 

2jersey said:

 

In a perfect world, we would probably prefer online ad sites over the more direct way of meeting people – clubs and parties. The ‘imperfection’ we allude to is that the ad sites include a lot of insincere people who hide behind a cloak of anonymity while playing head games with people. Unfortunately, even the relatively sincere people don’t seem to put a lot of serious thought into creating a seductive and meaningful profile - and many seem to have the same careless disregard when reading the profiles of others.

We discovered this as well, it was frustrating at first, but over time we have developed a good sense of who is who, and whether it's worth it to start up an email dialogue.

 

We aren't into long-term email in order to find out things that will only lead to us telling them "we don't feel we'd be compatible" so we patiently wait until a profile appears that looks extremely promising. It takes longer to meet people this way, but for me - since I'm the one who does the searches and initially writes - it avoids the headaches and disappointment I had in the beginning.

[slimdp 15]

The online thing is (should be) a great tool. although you always have that couple that is really that single man getting his kicks out of making plans that can't happen. I have found also that most of the profiles seem to be great, I mean you find one and you say "that's it, a perfect match", only to find well the other couple wanted to meet someone 1-2 years younger, or maybe 10lbs lighter,or smokers,or so on and so on.

 

The age this is what really gets me. Where is the brackets. If you are a couple 35ish old and advertised for another couple to do and meet for certain things, and a 50 year old couple answers your post, wait a minute that's too old for us. Why? you want the same thing.

 

At any rate I find the online sites over rated. And on the other side there are problems with meeting people at clubs also. It is not a easy lifestyle, there is a lot of work involved and you don't just decide to pick out a couple for this weekend and have some fun with them.

 

well that's my 2 cents

[NandTfromCA 84]

We have used ads and also been to a couple off premise social gatherings. Never tried an on premise club.

 

Although there are some fakes and flakes online, we just think about it like a numbers game. We have low expectations about the emails we send out or receive from people we don't know...that way when we actually do find a match, our expectations are exceeded.

[krj81 15]

We have but, I have not had anyone answer as we are new to the swingers lifestyle.

[gmr45 15]

I have gone to clubs and have met people over the internet. Yes, there are a some phonies on the internet site, but everyone I have met with has been for real and I still play with some of them to this day. For me it has been a good experience, especially since we do not have any clubs in my area.

[ShellyM 0]

Well, I am torn on this. On the one hand, through sls we went to the camping trip at the nudie ranch, and met some awesome couples who I keep in touch with almost daily and consider to be my friends...and we have met other couples who are great as well....great post for us making friends.

Now, play partners are another matter entirely! lol it seems like we meet, talk and things are great. comes to talking about meeting, and POOF! lol

[Dooode 18]

You really gotta stop POOF'ing them, Shelly. You're not going to get anywhere that way!!

 

Most of my contacts come through online sources. These days, SLS. Sometimes a couple wants to get together seperately, should we initially meet at a house party.

 

What irks me is that none ever wanna go out, just to go out. You know, hang, be friends, have some downtime fun.

[Tia Vampire 167]

No! we do not use persoal ads. Why is that, if you do agree to meet up with a couple, then poof?

[BCinIN 52]

We have an ad, but have never met anyone through it. We're not worried about it either.

 

I think a lot of couples with ads are either fake (like single males pretending to be couples--I've heard of a lot of those out there), or get cold feet, or maybe don't like something about a profile and yet don't have the character to just say so. It does annoy me a little when they don't respond at all to an initial message, but even that I suspect is just a matter of them not being all that compatible with us after all.

 

Someone posted on here a couple months ago (maybe longer) that swinging couples are far less likely to be compatible with each other all around than a one-on-one dating man and woman are. I absolutely agree--now, instead of merely two people needing to be compatible with each other, you have four people, and each of them must click with two other people instead of just one. Mathematically, swinging should be 1/4 as successful as vanilla dating. Thankfully, swinging couples are much more laid back than the average person...so it's more like 1/3 or 1/2 in my estimation.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There has been a lot of discussion about this in various threads lately.

 

For us we use the ads minimally... in fact we have yet to meet anyone through them. We have ONE ad out on SLS and that is it. I would say mostly we use it to log inand see what is going on near us and who is signed up to go.

[sweet_tna 680]

We do the online thing, but have yet to make "first contact" through the site. We've met couples that contacted us, but I've been leaning toward the Meet & Greets and parties as a better way to meet folks.

[havefuninsun 122]

We've only met folks through our SLS site. We've not done any of the clubs in our area, but we've been talking more about that. We had heard that some swingers hang out at a particular bar on a particular night in our town, and went to see one night. We didn't find the party. We later learned that the group and dissipated for lack of interest.

 

I'm wondering if it's a regional thing ... some of our friends have been to the clubs, but I'm not sure if they've met any of their swing friends that way. House parties seem to be more of a way to go, but I still think SLS, at least around these parts, is the starting point.

[funfrkycpl 77]

We are paid members of three sites right now and have met people from two of them. We have had the best luck with Swappernet, meeting quite a few people over the years, and have met a few people off of SLS. The other site, LoveVoodoo, we haven't had any luck with because there just aren't many members from our area.

 

Meeting people isn't the main reason we are members of these sites though. We use them more for finding parties and events in our area and events we want to travel to. Being able to find info on parties makes the cost of memberships to these sites more than worth it to us.

[spamcatcher 36]

No ads in publications! (especially if you have to pay for them!)

 

We have a lifetime profile on SLS and free ones on couple of other sites. To this point, we've only met people through SLS.

[Chris smith346969 0]

On 12/31/2002 at 10:27 AM, JustAskJulie said:

We had this poll a while back but it was prior to the software change, so it got lost. Figured I'd post it again. Do you use online personal ads to meet other swingers?

No

[AdamGunn2 393]

Of course we had a profile on SLS. Is that an 'online personal ad'?  And we sometimes used the 'hotdate' section to pick up a single guy, I guess that counts. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

1 hour ago, AdamGunn2 said:

Of course we had a profile on SLS. Is that an 'online personal ad'?

I would say so.

The websites have always been hit or miss, but we've made some good connections over the years.

Swing clubs have always been more of a sure bet, you just don't have the time to vet people there so you just go with what loiks and feels right.

At this point we have a number of dependable regulars. Years of experience will get you that.  So when the mood strikes we don't have to go online or to a club.  We can usually find some one who will play on short notice.