What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

[Roundstic 15]

Just wondering why a man would let another man fuck his wife?

 

Are there any scientific studies ever been done?

 

Or is it just pure pleasure?

 

Thanks

[ViSexual 1,008]

I've read a lot of answers to this question but I'll simply state mine.

 

I've loved my wife for almost 35 years now.

 

The very first time I saw her with another man was after about three years of marriage.

 

I've never been the jealous type. I guess I've just always been confident enough to not feel threatened by anyone.

 

We had friends, another couple, and my wife was obviously attracted to the husband. Whenever we attended parties together my wife and him would dance all the slow dances together. His wife and I joked about it and we both thought it was fun and sexy to watch them.

 

When, 'long story', things finally happened that allowed my wife and him to fullfill their desires, his wife and I, watched with complete enthusiasm. We, of course, were now allowed to play with each other too, but it was watching them that we both agreed was the best part.

 

After that, I found that watching my wife flirt with, have foreplay with, and have sex with the husbands we had adventures with was equally, if not more, stimulating than my enjoying the other wives.

 

And, honestly, I felt even more attracted to my wife for weeks after each of these activities.

 

Thinking back, the best sexual memory in my life, was when I held this first man's cock in my hand and guided it, personally, into my wife!

[redleader12 16]

My wife and I sometimes swings with a good friend of mine simply because we trust himand when we get together with him, we (my wife and I ) simply dothis because of pleasure even when we get with couples but anyway, my wife loves the feeling of being with us two and we trust him so much that we go bareback and let him cum inside of her it really is a pleasure to us both that sometimes us 3 get such a pleasure out of this and enjoy each others company in and out of the bedroom. And yes he even stay the night just to wake up and feel the pleaswure that we have felt the night before, and even one time i have let my friend fuck her while i watched and towards the end to have my cock sucked, so yes it's all pleasure to us if another man fucks hereven if i get to fuck another woman and she's looking at me doing it.

[Spoomonkey 421]

There is a fundamental flaw in your question and I almost didn't catch it. In fact, I wrote a box-full of response before it hit me that I was answering a defective wringer.

 

To ask why a man would let another man fuck his wife is like asking a man why he'd let another man borrow his tools. My tools are mine - can get lost - and don't have the wits to come home once they've been used. I own my tools, I bought and paid for my tools, and my tools are with me whether they like it or not.

 

My wife, on the other hand... She's with me because - for some reason - after running a gauntlet of men before me - decided that she was more than willing to stop and be with me. I don't own her, I don't control her and I DON'T loan her out.

 

You see - swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime, experiencing adventures that we - as a couple - want to share. Those adventures include her fucking other men, yes, but they also include me fucking other women, us fucking other couples and a few other interesting combinations and pile ups. We do this together - in agreement - and we smile (sometimes laugh) together about it later.

 

Your question is flawed because I do not let other men fuck my wife - she does. She does so while respecting me and allowing me to give her permission to do so - and accepting when my gut tells me "no." Wives are not chattel.

 

I've seen a LOT of disrespect in the lifestyle - heartless husbands forcing their wives into a swing scene that isn't for them. And I've watched a lot of wives cat through a club with an attitude of "my husband will just have to deal with it" as she picks and does whoever she wants while hubby sits at the bar drinking and pissed...

 

I can assure you that this is not a picture of us - and fortunately it is not a picture of most of the active posters on this board.

[catslaughing 45]

Spoo, you have covered it so eloquently that I have nothing else to say but HURRAH!!!

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Spoo, Wow well said man! In all my years I have never seen a post that is so well stated on this subject.

 

You sir are a gentleman and a scholar, my hat is off to you

[rpu3 630]

Your question is flawed because I do not let other men fuck my wife - she does.

 

Thank you for saying it more nicely than I would have. Women, married or not, are not property. There is no letting, but a decision process (my decision, his decision and what morphs into OUR decision).

[Mrs az_rugburn 15]

My answer would have been the same in a much more crude, bumbling way, as with most every post I have read from Spoo, he is right on the money.

[frndsnmoremaybe 15]

Long time lurkers, first time posters. We have learned a lot on this journey we call the "lifestyle" from this board. We would like to thank everyone here. In response to this question we want to tell Spoomonkey that his response was the most eloquent and well said answer. We would not have been as nice as he was. I (male half) do not own my wife, and do not let anyone fuck her. She is her own woman and she makes up her own mind.

[mfmyeahbaby 19]

for us it's not me letting another man fuck my wife. Instead it's absolute pleasure that is gained from all of our mutual enjoyment. For us it's the pleasures that are there (for both of us) that come from her giving and receiving pleasure from him and for him he is so respectful of our scenario and is single he can basically perform and enjoy almost as if he were me. I truely enjoy his giving and receiving as well mainly because there is absolutely no threat and nothing but respect, to a point of she can completely consume herself in what he and her are doing and totally know that its all good and vice versa with him. They both perceive what they are doing as far as I concerned as something that is not out of context and not harmful and should be enjoyed to the fullest. Yes, for him to stay the night afterwards only to wake in the morning and redo our pleasures is not only welcome but preferred. I think that as long as everyone is ok and there are no jealously issues, do whatever makes you feel good.

[HappyPeople 17]

We have sex for fun - that's why.

[fundove2 15]

My wife and I do sex for fun too and we need to experience the excitement of the lust and feeling of sex intimate touching and feeling with other adults we swing with and my wife is not into fucking other men she is into pleasing her own needs with our couple friends with me there too. I enjoy other ladies as we swing too and love to see my wife excited and enjoying her body fucking. We don't sleep around but we stay with two couples we know for years and swing with them only. My wife is in love with the other males she tells me and she is very sensual with all three of us always. She likes the excitement of seeing me enjoy my body with the other ladies as much as I enjoy seeing her enjoy her body with the other males. We do the sex together and need it.

[carlos_pchot 16]

I think it's just as easy to understand that we all have fantasies, some are more difficult than others, but having your wife involved in your fantasy and just watch her it's incredible exciting... it's like getting inside your own adult movie... I think that does it for most guys, even for those that won't accept it, imagining your wife as this sexual woman desired by one or many guys and getting off with them will get you hard and ready for the next fantasy

take care

[chrisunion 19]

It was my wife fantasy to do a mfm, and I know she loves me, so I agreed to let it happen. Prior to it happen I never thought I would get any pleasure from the Mfm, I did it to allow her to experience a sexual fantasy that she had, and to bring her the sexual pleasure she wanted, but it ended up bringing pleasure to me too. To see how horny she was with us two guys was wild, I knew she was out of control when she allowed the other guy to cum in her mouth, and instead of spitting his cum out she swallow it, she had never swallow my cum when sucking my cock. Seeing the look of pleasure on her face, when she was on top of me with my cock deep in her pussy, and the other guy enter her ass was so hot. I had never seen her so turn on.

 

And when she finally ended up, with the other guy fucking her pussy, and seeing her so horny and wet, and watch as he slid his cock deep in her pussy,it was like watch a porno star, except it was my wife. And she now swallows my cum when she sucking my cock. And now she knows she can always come to me with what ever sexual desires she has and not be afraid to tell me about them

[livnlovinlife 15]

I'm not a man, and not married. Me and my boyfriend had told each other our fantasies. He wanted to see my fantasies fulfilled as much as I want to see his fulled. It isn't a matter of him letting me get fucked by another man. It is something we both wanted.

 

It was also a fantasy for him, to see me with another man. Me moaning and screaming while being fucked by another man turns him on more than the woman he is doing at the same time. He does get pleasure out of being with another woman too. I like to watch him with the woman.

 

Now I wouldn't want him to just fuck any woman, nor would he want me to just fuck any man. That isn't what we do it for. It is for mutual pleasure. Like someone else mentioned, It makes our love even stronger. I want HIM more than anything and anyone else after being with another couple. Our Love has grown so much since we have started swinging.

 

Erin

[NakedInSeattle 159]

"Let?" I encourage it! I love to see and hear her receiving pleasure (she's a screamer). And she enjoys seeing and hearing me. It's fun meeting and doing other people. We call it "Catch and Release Sex." Try it - you'll like it.

[TwoLittleBirds 23]

For me, it's not so much letting another man have fun. It's about allowing my wife to have fun.

 

That may sound like semantics, but it's a perceptual, maybe philosophical difference. I, at least, know what I mean!

[chrisunion 19]

It is just lust, and the other guy is just being used like a sex toy, he doesn't have the ability to fuck her every night like I do. And what wrong with allowing your wife the ability to fulfill her fantasy, seeing her giving and getting pleasure, I just never thought that it would turn me on watching her sucking and fucking another guy. Also when I seen how crazy and wild she got when he ate her pussy, I had him show me his technique, you only live life once.

[couplewanting50 65]

She's with me because - for some reason - after running a gauntlet of men before me - decided that she was more than willing to stop and be with me.

 

Swinging is about us experiencing adventures that we - as a couple - want to share. Those adventures include her fucking other men, yes, but they also include me fucking other women, us fucking other couples and a few other interesting combinations and pile ups. We do this together - in agreement - and we smile (sometimes laugh) together about it later.

 

Your question is flawed because I do not let other men fuck my wife - she does. She does so while respecting me and allowing me to give her permission to do so - and accepting when my gut tells me "no."

 

I really liked this central meaning.

[Darkblue 55]

We haven't got that far yet but your answers are the ones I tell myself and it is the way I look at it as well!! Well done peeps!! Couldnt put it better myself!

[sereneiders 263]

Spoo make the point I was about to make as soon as I read the OP... ewwww... that about "owning" a wife tells us a lot... about the OP's mindset.

 

Of course, Spoo did it with way fewer words than what I could.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

Why do I let another man fuck my wife?

 

Cuz I want to fuck his wife.

 

DUH!!!!

[couplewanting50 65]

Was the post edited? The original poster does not say that he owns his wife. Am I missing something here?

[WesternSwing 504]

couplewanting50 said:

Was the post edited? The original poster does not say that he owns his wife. Am I missing something here?

No, it's just the idea of "letting" someone do something with your spouse. That suggests "ownership" and your lending your spouse out. Like Spoo said, it's like letting someone use your tools. My wife can do what she wants, I just make it possible by not being an overbearing, jealous person. And she loves me, and respects me for it. In love you find freedom.

[wyandly 15]

No, I don't think it was edited... The OP never said explicitly anything about owning his wife. It's what was said Implicitly. The question was based on a assumption that the one guy would give his 'permission' and 'share' 'his' wife with another guy.

 

Spoomonkey, et.al, are saying that the answer to the OP's question is: "your assumption is incorrect".

 

I kinda wish the OP would come back and give his appreciation for the answers, maybe something like a "ah, that makes sense!" Oh well....

[couplewanting50 65]

I certainly agree with all those who have expressed that a man does not own his wife. Having said that, I did not take his use of the word, let, to communicate ownership.

 

I very much enjoy this phrase from a preceding post: In love you find freedom.

 

I wish for my wife to know total freedom in the having of pleasures. We each wish for the other to know such freedoms. It is also through the mutual respect of one another's feelings, we each want to play in the same rooom with one another, for example, that we love one another. I do not think that respecting someone's feelings is being owned.

 

I think, ultimately, the use of the word, let, was rooted in the mutual respect issue, rather than ownership, and that the word in this context is benign.

 

I might say, conversationally, that I give my wife freedom to have absolutely any pleasure she craves. One could agonize over the word give, or not.

 

The flip side of this would be the circumstance where a spouse said, I will do anything I want because you don't own me. An essentially defiant remark, even if it is true.

 

It is not always possible to adequately communicate tone and meaning in the written word.

[josephanthony69 15]

Spoomonkey said:

You see - swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime, experiencing adventures that we - as a couple - want to share. Those adventures include her fucking other men, yes, but they also include me fucking other women, us fucking other couples and a few other interesting combinations and pile ups. We do this together - in agreement - and we smile (sometimes laugh) together about it later.

 

AMEN!! When I stop having new experiences I know I'll be dead..because if not..I will have been bored to death by the total sameness!

[sereneiders 263]

couplewanting50 said:

I certainly agree with all those who have expressed that a man does not own his wife. Having said that, I did not take his use of the word, let, to communicate ownership.

 

I very much enjoy this phrase from a preceding post: In love you find freedom.

 

I wish for my wife to know total freedom in the having of pleasures. We each wish for the other to know such freedoms. It is also through the mutual respect of one another's feelings, we each want to play in the same rooom with one another, for example, that we love one another. I do not think that respecting someone's feelings is being owned.

 

I think, ultimately, the use of the word, let, was rooted in the mutual respect issue, rather than ownership, and that the word in this context is benign.

 

I might say, conversationally, that I give my wife freedom to have absolutely any pleasure she craves. One could agonize over the word give, or not.

 

The flip side of this would be the circumstance where a spouse said, I will do anything I want because you don't own me. An essentially defiant remark, even if it is true.

 

It is not always possible to adequately communicate tone and meaning in the written word.

 

Fair enough. English isn't my born language, so I easily misunderstand this sort of things, although I believe the remaining ones sharing my opinion could argue based on more solid grounds.

 

But, admitting I could be way wrong about this, it wasn't only the use of the word let what leads me to conclude the OP is talking about ownership, it was also the way it was used in the thread topic:

 

What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

 

instead of, let say:

 

What makes a man let his wife fuck another man?

 

Even when the later could be a strongest implication of ownership, it also would focus on the relationship between the man and his wife, being the other man the accessory, while in the former it sounds to me like a male thing, the focus is set on both males relationship being the wife the accessory. And as for me, this choice for the order of words enhanced my understanding on the way he used the word let, even besides what he meant to say.

 

Communication require both parties, the message sender and the receiver to construct the message meaning. It isn't just about that the sender meant to say, implying necessarily that the misunderstandings are the receiver's exclusive responsibility. When you talk or write, you do it for someone, taking into account there could be misunderstandings. If you rely only on what you meant to say as the only grounds for the meaning, you'd be being selfish, pretending the others to cross to your side of the river instead of trying to meet them in the middle way.

 

And again, this is a subjective interpretation of meaning. However, this is what we do everyday to evaluate someone's personality, let say, to decide if he's a possible playmate. After this post title, the alarm rings on my head, making the OP ineligible as a playmate, just because of the risk that could impose for my wife to be deemed as an accessory as well. And this is to point out the importance the receiver have in the meaning construction, because at this point, for those things that could affect my life besides the theoretical questions, what he could meant to say (or any correction he could make unable to counterweight my original impression) doesn't count anymore.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

Damn. Y'all are spending a lot of time and getting waaay to deep on this one. So while y'all continue to abuse this dead horse I'm going to fuck me another man's wife.

 

LOL!!!!

 

Seriously, the answer is simple. Some people get off on seeing their spouse fuck other people. IMHO it wouldn't be swinging if you only fucked your spouse.

 

And I do want to fuck somebody's wife right now.

[getnit2gethr 15]

Never thought I'd see that question on a swingers board. I guess you're either thinking about it or just here to bash us. I'll assume you're thinking about it. Ask youself what keeps you from letting a man fuck your wife. Jeleousy? Insecurity? Fear? Then ask yourself if it is rational to feel that way. Hope this helps.

[sereneiders 263]

cuzzeyesaidso said:

Some people get off on seeing their spouse fuck other people. IMHO it wouldn't be swinging if you only fucked your spouse.

 

And I do ant to fuck somebody's wife right now.

 

Then, it's all about males fulfilling wishes with toys called wives: I lend you my toy and you lend me yours.

 

I see why you didn't get the point Spoo and others pointed out.

[Roundstic 15]

Thanks for all the replies it has nothing to do with ownership, I'm the one that wants to do it and suggested it! We have done it four times and I have no desire to do it with someone else's spouse just MFM and was wondering if there was any reason other than the obvious! "LET" was way too deep nothing to do with me being the boss. Now if she had written and said letting my husband fuck other men would it have gone off on that tangent?? I doubt it!

 

Thank you Thank you for the insight I now have to go and give my special lady a back massage and then paint her toe nails after I brush her hair!

[couplewanting50 65]

To the men, why do you enjoy your wives being sexual with other men?

 

What do you do to nurture and encourage her sexuality?

 

In the hotwife lifestyle, the man's main pleasure is his wife's sexual fulfillment. Do any of you embrace the hotwife philosophy?

[avid 134]

Do I get the sense you are being a little tongue-in-cheek, roundstic?

 

Thanks for coming back to the thread!

 

For more insight on your original question, you might enjoy reading The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers by Terry Gould. He addresses swinging from various angles, and in fact talks about a theory of what sharing his wife does to a man's ejaculation.

[OnHArry 23]

Frankly I don't know why, it really doesn't make any sense when you think about it. For example tonight while I am working the afternoon shift my wife will be entertaining a visitor and they will not be having tea and cookies, at least not for the first while anyway.

 

I like to know the exact time they get together so I can envision it in my mind, and it gets me so horny thinking about it. Can't explain it but maybe some things just cannot be explained, who knows. Anyway she has fun and I think about it, and then when I get home and she tells me about it I have fun and she has fun.

 

Hmm seems a bit unequal doesn't it. LOL

[wyandly 15]

I'm not a swinger in anyway, just a plain 'vanilla' grafted onto a polyamourus frame-of-mind. My experience in the vanilla world, both personal and listening to other 'vanillas' has taught me that the quality of sex depends on how well each individual owns their experience. I read somewhere on another thread in here, someone talked about the problems in their marriage after 35 years, due to wife having a bad attitude toward sex. This is what I'm talking about. So for me, its a no-brainer, helping the wife own and explore her sexuality, in any way that's not abusive or damaging, means better sex for both husband and wife.

[sereneiders 263]

wyandly said:

So for me, its a no-brainer, helping the wife own and explore her sexuality, in any way that's not abusive or damaging, means better sex for both husband and wife.

 

Well, I can assure you most swingers doesn't swing as a sexual therapy, and if you look around in the Forums, you'll notice most of us advice against attempting to swing as a therapy or resort to work around the sexuality problems the couple may have.

 

Back to the OP question: I realize it is a rewording from another thread question and certainly I prefer this wording. Moreover, it was clever to provide the hotwife lifestyle frame for the question because this makes a difference.

 

IMO the answer isn't the same for the hotwife lifestylers than for the "swingers", and even when we may see the hotwife lifestyle as a swingers lifestyle subset when we consider the common aspects of "sharing our sexuality with other people", precisely because the answer to THIS very question differs I believe the hotwife lifestyle deserves to be set apart from the singers one: at least for the males, this answer leads to two very different mindsets.

 

For example, that other post wording made me suspect the poster mindset could come from the hotwife lifestyle (the OP last post greatly reinforced this idea), and that thread discussion came from the way this mindset collides with the swinger's one.

 

For the swinger who's not into hotwife the whole question seems to be off ground as soon as it could suppose the answer could vary based on the gender. He would say "the question for me should be: why a spouse (male or female) enjoy the other spouse fucking other people?" and the answers coming both from the males and females would be pretty much the same.

 

For the swinger who's into the hotwife, in the other hand, there's a thrill related with the hot wife that makes explicit the inequality of genders, which is ok for them but conflictive for those swingers who aren't into the hotwife. The male and female part of this couple are supposed to provide different answers based on gender and role (if not, the question wouldn't be addressed to the males).

 

To support the idea of the "inequality", we should notice there isn't such a thing like the hot husband for the females in the lifestyle.

 

So, it would be good to say everyone's point of view about the hotwife subject (if it's a turn on or not) along with the answers.

[lott 38]

sereneiders said:

Well, I can assure you most swingers doesn't swing as a sexual therapy, and if you look around in the Forums, you'll notice most of us advice against attempting to swing as a therapy or resort to work around the sexuality problems the couple may have.

 

What wyandly is saying doesn't sound like a person who's using sex for therapy, it sounds like he is using sex to let his wife explore her sexual side which gives HIM more pleasure because she can be more open to him physically and emotionally.

[lott 38]

Here's an excerpt from an article I was reading about sexual energy and it had something that I feel could relate to this subject:

 

The surest way to do away with a man's desire for a particular woman, is to let him just have this women for a prolonged period of time. Which is where the parallelism between chocolate and women ends.

 

For the surest way to preserve a man's desire for a particular woman is not for the man to sleep with other woman every now and then, but to have the woman be engaged with another man.

 

That wakes him up.

 

But for tapping into the great pool of sexual energy one can derive from one's partner's unfaithfulness, it is necessary that this unfaithfulness happens on the basis of trust.

 

To build trust, unfaithfulness should be extensively discussed before it is implemented. To start with, each one will have to verbally admit sexual fantasies that go beyond one's established partner. Such fantasies should be related in detail. And be sure that they shake and provoke the listening partner at least as profoundly as they do the one who's original fantasies they are.

 

In some cases, especially of younger people, just to discuss each other's intended unfaithfulness may already be as much as each can stomach.

 

But to really experience a new dimension of all-engulfing sexual desire, one will have to do it: see one's permanent partner in excited sexual play with another person, or even join in.

[prettylady 221]

lott said:

What wyandly is saying doesn't sound like a person who's using sex for therapy, it sounds like he is using sex to let his wife explore her sexual side which gives HIM more pleasure because she can be more open to him physically and emotionally.

 

Thank you for rewording that. I was reading it the same way Sereneiders read it. I know i was extremely reluctant with my sexuality for 34 years. I never learned to open up sexually until Dog came along. If it wasn't for him encouraging me to open up sexually then I may have NEVER experienced a G-spot orgasm. How sad is that?

 

I had fantasies that remained bottled up inside, but with the freedom associated with this type of lifestyle I am thinking of pushing the envelop a little farther. I know Dog is enjoying watching me grow into my sexuality...if for no other reason then he is my number one guinea pig

I think I should have read the hotwife thread first before answering here. I hope I made sense to you all.

 

[wyandly 15]

Thanks guys for the rewording, I wish I could have been that clear to begin with. I agree with you sereneider, swinging isnt therapy, and shouldn't be used as such (if I'm going to take the advice given on this forum seriously). I was just suggesting that there is much to be gained from the female half learning to expand and experiment with her sexuality. And I was offering as proof that the opposite is true as well; guys experience relationship difficulty when the SO cant feel like her sexual experience is something she can control and steer. Thats all i was trying to say.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Roundstic said:

Just wondering why a man would let another man fuck his wife?

 

I am know for making things more complicated than they have to be. But I can answer this one in one word. Vanity. I think to myself, "Look at her. Another man finds her desirable. She is desirable."

[guruii 15]

Spoo said it correctly, but I find there is a bit more...

 

(Background: I met wife when she was 32. I had several dozen lovers by then but I was her first)

 

I realized from the beginning of dating that a man can not be everything sexually for a woman. There will be times when she desires a longer or shorter or fatter or thinner dick. She will want someone faster or slower, rougher or easier. I could go on for hours here. After 16 years of being together I wanted her to experience more out of life than just what I could give her. I also knew that she got off giving me a BJ as well as when we had intercourse. Here I knew I could not do both things to her at the same time, yet did not want to deprive her of the experience. (To this point, that specific experience has been her most body shaking orgasm.)

 

The lifestyle to us is about sharing. Sharing each other(with others). Sharing the experience(s). Sharing the intenseness of the situation(s). And later, sharing what we did and was done to us that we found we enjoyed so that we could use it to enhance our own sex lives with each other.

[sereneiders 263]

Thanks guys for the rewording, I wish I could have been that clear to begin with. I agree with you sereneider, swinging isnt therapy, and shouldn't be used as such (if I'm going to take the advice given on this forum seriously). I was just suggesting that there is much to be gained from the female half learning to expand and experiment with her sexuality. And I was offering as proof that the opposite is true as well; guys experience relationship difficulty when the SO cant feel like her sexual experience is something she can control and steer. Thats all i was trying to say.

 

I see your point, however, why do you suppose the same doesn't apply to the male half? I agree, there is a cultural context teaching women not to explore their sexuality, hence talking about "the female half learning to expand end experiment her sexuality" to undo those cultural teachings makes sense. But the same applies for us, the males. The same cultural context seems to encourage us to explore and learn, but narrowing the exploration scope to make us fit certain stereotypes. The funny thing is, once you meet an "experimented" women, you may feel your sexuality limited as soon as she asks you for something going beyond the stereotype.

 

So, we're facing both sides of the same coin here. Women learns not to explore, men learns to prettend we know, when what we know is signed by this assumption about us knowing better than women.

 

We, males, have as much to explore and learn about our sexuality and about the female sexuality as women does, even when in the surface we both could be fitting the sterotypes about who should know better and who shouldn't.

 

If you don't aknowledge this, then you'd be asking women to take the burden of learning everithing from the scratch to avoid their stereotypes, while you remain sticking to the male stereotype. It's isn't just a matter of fairness, but that you could easily be left behind at the kinder when she's finishing the University.

[wyandly 15]

LOL! Good point! I wasn't thinking much beyond the scope of the OP's 1st question. But I do agree with the point. It may not even be only unfair, but perhaps arrogant as well, and partly why western sexual mores are in this mess to begin with.

 

For example, and as proof of my agreement, look at how it was believed (by men) that men are only single orgasmic and women 'never' ejaculate. Later, when it is learned that women can and do ejaculate, when the methods for helping women do this where developed (I'm talking about about kegel exercises in particular), it became apparent that men could become multi-orgasmic when they used the same methods. (source: "The G spot" by Ladas, Whipple, and Perry) This is what happens when people pick and choose what they want to see, they always get surprises.

 

I'm not trying to promote stereotypes, that doesn't seem to help things much. But it is true, it's easy to not see the other side, especially if I dont believe anythings wrong with my understanding. That's why I have to keep learning myself... I'm here because I believe there is something wrong, something missing, from the mainstream approach to human sexuality...

Men and women are cut from the same block, yeah, I'll buy that.

[chrisunion 19]

It was my wife's fantasy to do a mfm, and I was not turned on to the idea but I agreed to let it happen. But to my surprise seeing her give a blow job to another man, and watching how turn on, and excited she was when he enter her pussy with his cock, did turn me on. And seeing how out of control she became when we both fucked her at the same time was awesome. It also built up her self confidence about her body due to the fact she has such small breasts, and could please two guys at the same time. The other guy got to fuck her, but she doesn't love him she loves me.

[clutch 28]

couplewanting50 said:

The poster does not say that he owns his wife. Am I missing something here?

 

Possibly... it connotes the necessity of "permission," for one man to let [allow] another fuck his wife. It kind of misses the whole spirit of swinging, and the question does seem to be a little mean-spirited. Personally, I agree with Spoo's outstanding argument.

 

On the other hand, I want to balance it by saying that I voluntarily submit to my wife because I love her--and I've learned (the hard way) to respect her intuition. (She's Rhode's Scholar brilliant, by the way so I'm not demeaning her intellect).

 

And, conversely, because she loves me, she voluntarily submits to me in the same way I submit to her. This is not a demanding, king or queen thing. It's just an act of love between us. Regard O'Henry's tale about the watch fob and the comb.

 

As far as the sex goes, we both agree on multiple dicks and pussies! We actually agreed to this, by the by, almost from the time we started dating.

[swing52001 15]

My wife is either not curious enough or not bold enough to have tried having sex with another person. I have invited her to try on many occasions and she knows the invitation is open ended. If she feels like it I have encouraged her to go for it. If she decides to try another man (or woman for that matter) it will be at her sole discretion. We are not each other's chattels. We posess only the emotion that is the basis and strength of our 37 year relationship. Everything else is shared. Well, except for the domestic stuff she says I neglect

Mr. Spoo, you got it right.

[hardinthewoods 15]

I want my wife to fuck other men. I think it is sexy. I also like her to smoke once in awhile. Women who smoke are generally loose and like casual sex (just an observation, not scientific) while women who don't smoke are generally more pure or repressed however you want to put it. When my wife gets out and has sex it makes her more experienced, more confident, and builds her self-esteem. Who doesn't want a woman like that? She is already smart as a whip and loves me to death, she just needs to get out and have fun. She spent way too much time hiding behind momma's skirt and the more she gest out the more she likes it.

 

When it gets to the point where she is buying hot outfits to wear just for the other fellas and talks to them while I eat her pussy I will feel as though I have made a positive change in the introverted, shy, mess of a woman I married years ago.

 

As long as she is safe and doesn't get sick or fall in love it is cool. Hell, I would even watch videos of her in action. I think that would turn both of us on.

[sereneiders 263]

hardinthewoods said:

I want my wife to fuck other men. I think it is sexy. I also like her to smoke once in awhile. Women who smoke are generally loose and like casual sex (just an observation, not scientific) while women who don't smoke are generally more pure or repressed however you want to put it. When my wife gets out and has sex it makes her more experienced, more confident, and builds her self-esteem. Who doesn't want a woman like that? She is already smart as a whip and loves me to death, she just needs to get out and have fun. She spent way too much time hiding behind momma's skirt and the more she gets out the more she likes it.

 

When it gets to the point where she is buying hot outfits to wear just for the other fellas and talks to them while I eat her pussy I will feel as though I have made a positive change in the introverted, shy, mess of a woman I married years ago.

 

As long as she is safe and doesn't get sick or fall in love it is cool. Hell, I would even watch videos of her in action. I think that would turn both of us on.

 

Excuse me, I understand those ideas may arouse you but, they're on top of a prejudice's pile about women, human behavior and sexuality.

 

A woman who smoke isn't more lose nor likely to have more casual sex than a non smoker one, but for sure she's more likely to have a lung cancer.

 

It's your life and it isn't my business, but to avoid some newbie, curious or lurker reading this thread from being mislead on what swinging is about and what isn't, I have to say that you hardly would hear a swinger address his wife as "the mess of a woman he married years ago", not to claim swinging is a way to make a change on her behavior and/or the way he perceives his wife.

 

Sorry, but I found your words disrespectful towards your wife (your business) and towards women in general.