Being hard on "single" swinger guys

[TeamSoBe 36]

A lot of people like to bitch about how hard some of us are on single guys in swinger discussions. I'm the guy half of a couple and I have to admit that at first I used to feel bad for single guys when I would see this. It just seems rude that so many people instinctively jump on single guys and berate them. Once we got a little more experienced in swinging and interacting with people online I started to understand why people are so hard on "single" swinger guys on web sites.

 

As if the going on in another thread isn't enough of a blatant example already, there was a news story about a woman in our area that made the mistake of trusting somebody that she met online.

 

In the case of the news story, a woman in our area met a single guy who was claiming to be a couple. When she met the guy in person, his story was most likely "My wife couldn't make it but she told me to have fun with you anyway, we do this all the time, it's okay". Some guys will say that in advance when they mail you, they will contact you with "Hi, I'm Bob's wife, I'm out of town on business, but I'm looking for somebody to entertain him." In the case of the woman in our area, apparently she didn't fall for his excuses so he just raped her when he couldn't get her to consent.

 

That's a perfect illustration of why you don't want to have anything to do with a guy that is into deception. Guys that are into hiding outside sex from their wives are already lying to get sex. They also obviously lie to the women that they are trying to have sex with. If they disrespect you enough to try to trick you into bed with lies, then they are probably capable of much more evil, like our local rapist was. If you get the slightest hint that somebody is being deceptive then stay away from them entirely. A crazy and uninhibited sex romp with no strings attached is an attractive concept, but it's not worth the risk of getting raped by some lunatic.

 

The only way to be absolutely certain that you aren't fucking somebody else's husband is if you are fucking him while his wife is in the room cheering for both of you. Even if all that you're interested in is guys, you're still better off with people that aren't deceptive or insane. If you hook up with single guys in motels after meeting them online, then you're putting yourself at a huge risk of eventually encountering the guy that is fucking you while his wife is at work and his baby is napping unattended, or the guy that has no ability to relate to women but wants sex so badly that he'll lie to you and rape you when it doesn't work, or the guy who is HIV positive and can't get laid if he admits it to women so he meets them online for anonymous sex.

 

In the last year that my wife and I have had a profile on web sites, we have seen so many attempts at deception and we have heard so many stories about encounters with single guys that have gone horribly awry that I'm starting to realize that there really are reasons why people pick on them so much. I know that this message is going to piss some people off, but I think that it's worth talking about because there is at least one woman on this board that until recently had the mistaken notion that single Internet guys would be a safer introduction to swinging than going out to a swing club alone. That's simply not true and if somebody has to be explicit about advising women that are new to swinging against meeting single Internet guys, then that somebody will have to be me.

 

Ladies, there are a lot of psychos out there, please be careful. If you go to a club and swing with a couple then you will have a sense of whether or not they really are a real married couple. If they are a real married couple and you get any sense of trust for the wife then the guy that you're dealing with has a ringing endorsement from his wife that he's a guy that can respect his women and who is decent in bed. If she's sitting there watching you and cheering while you fuck him then you know that she's not going to show up and shoot at you when she finds her husband cheating with you. Even if you're not bisexual there are plenty of couples that will be thrilled to play with you. I really would advise new single women to just head straight for places like off-premises parties and swingers' clubs where they will find swinging couples rather than single guys. I personally recommend going to parties that don't let single guys in at all, since I have personally seen cases where even the single guys in swingers' clubs are actually married cheaters with wives who don't know that they are there fucking other women. You can take my recommendation or ignore it, I'm not going to declare myself the swinger expert, but I'm putting it out there as a recommendation either way.

 

This is pretty much the only issue in swinging that pisses me off enough that I'm willing to be involved in a flame war over it, and I'm not going to apologize for offending anybody. If you're the one single guy in your area that's not a delusional psychopath then I do feel sorry for you, but you have to admit that your voice is just lost in the howling volume of the masses of idiots that give the "single guy" crowd a bad name in general.

[curious24 17]

being a single guy i feel i need to say a couple things here... reading the news article i think the lady is also somewhat at fault here.. according to the news article she thought the man was a woman and he came over to her apartment.. that's the first and most dangerous mistake anyone could make meeting someone for the first time via the internet.. she should have met him in a public resturant or a bar but NOT at her own home.. i'm sorry that just seems a little niaeve to me... secondly i wonder if she even asked for a picture of him or how much she actually talked to him? i'm tending to believe that she just "trusted" this person to be who they said they where.. and that's another mistake you can not make on the internet and another reason why to meet the person in public... IMO she just didn't use her brain on this one and played it very dangerously and she got burned... i do feel sorry that this had to happen but she could have taken steps to avoid this situation...

[TeamSoBe 36]

Originally posted by curious24

she should have met him in a public resturant or a bar but NOT at her own home..

 

Very true. It doesn't excuse rape though, she wasn't at fault for that. It also doesn't do anything to temper the mental image that we start to form about the dangers and hassles of meeting "single" guys online.

 

secondly i wonder if she even asked for a picture of him or how much she actually talked to him?

 

That doesn't matter much, photos are easy to fake. I was once spammed by a scam artist for AFF that was sending out a photo of the hot young girl that he was claiming to be. The photo was one of my wife that I shot for her amateur porn web site. As hot as the little bitch was, I didn't fall for his scam.

 

i do feel sorry that this had to happen but she could have taken steps to avoid this situation...

 

Yes, the simplest possible step for that particular woman to avoid getting raped would have been for her to not meet somebody alone after contacting them in a net ad. That's my point here. "Single" guys use every lie in the book to try to delude swinger women into no-strings sex, and some of them also resort to rape. Throw in fears of psycho stalkers, "D&D free" guys that are HIV positive and whatever else you can think of to fear, and you have to wonder if maybe single women are better off heading directly to their local swing club or off-premises party and avoiding meeting people online at all.

 

A woman's bullshit detector has to be extremely finely tuned for her to be able to select a stud for no-obligation sex for a night. The best way for a woman to get a full sense of the potential dangers of allowing a guy to nail her is by meeting him in person somewhere safe. Swing clubs are jam packed with guys that are perfect candidates and the ones that are half of a couple also come with these handy females that a woman can use to find a guy that comes with a glowing endorsement. If a single woman meets somebody by herself somewhere then she deals with the same risks that any call girl goes, she might get raped, beaten, killed, infected with HIV or some other disease, confronted by a sex partner's angry wife, whatever else you can think of. Some women might get off on the danger of that possibility but I have to assume that most are actually truly looking for nothing but no-obligation sex.

 

That's regarding single women. Regarding married women, there is simply no way that my wife and I will tolerate the risk of meeting a "single" guy online. We won't even consider it. We also refuse to meet couples in private places because I'm not interested in having to protect my wife from getting raped by some maladjusted single guy that claims to be a couple online but actually just wants to get rid of me and fuck my wife.

 

I am open to the idea that there really are some totally decent and honest single guys out there that can handle themselves without creating drama and who can provide something fun and useful for MFM situations. My wife and I do MFM and MFMM and MFMMM almost exclusively. We meet our guys in real life though, they are guys that we see at normal clubs, that we meet through friends, that kind of thing. They are guys that we know and trust, not some J. Random Psycho with "12 INCHES OF HEAT fOR U" and photos that look suspiciously attractive. The net is a great way to make contact with people, but these guys running around with varying degrees of emotional instability under their belts really do eliminate the realistic possibility of a couple like us meeting "single" guys from online sites or even in meeting somebody that claims to be a couple in any kind of private setting.

 

Pushy, deceitful, unstable guys are not the only problem confronting swinging couples and swinging single women, but they are easily the biggest and most aggravating problem.

[she_wants_it 15]

Team SoBe, I've really appreciated your comments in the RKingston fiasco thread and think I may have another situation that may illustrate what you are talking about here. I answered an online ad (believe me, I cancelled my own ad and am swearing off them) posted by a woman who was seeking to have a party with several women only, with her husband there to watch. She made it very clear in the ad that she did not want any other males present at all. There were 3 attractive photos accompanying her ad and it sounded like fun to at least look into. I am very new and thought I could meet some women I could relate to and maybe make a friend or two to go to the clubs with. I emailed and invited her to take a look at my profile and see what she thought. She wrote back with "WE took a look. When can we get together?" That's it. Now, I was answering an ad for a female only party, so I wrote back asking if she had gotten a girl's night together or was she thinking of something for herself and her hubby. The answer was "What are you doing tonight?" That's it. I answered I wasn't free, but wanted to find out more about what she was planning. I then get a reply from "Chuck" asking when we can get together. Just to find out if this was a total scam from the start, I emailed back that I had asked several times if this was a girl's night or a 3some and hadn't gotten an answer and couldn't do anything until I knew what they had in mind. Chuck writes back that he was thinking of tying Debbie up and surprising her with letting me go wild with her. Or I could show up like I'm selling something and surprise her by having sex with her. Or he could tie her up to the bed or the ceiling, etc. I wonder if she even knew about him placing the ad or not. I mean, why would a woman place an ad for a girl's night and it turn into this whole other thing? Any thoughts?

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

The circumstances here imo don't have anything to do with swinging single men. This was a rapist. He posed as a single female. Without knowing all the details of that story one could interpret the warning of the story to be an blanket statement about meeting single guys online.

 

The lesson to be learned by this event is that just because someone says they are a such and such, (in this case a single woman), they might not be telling the truth. He could have done the same thing by saying he was a couple. Of course it would have been difficult for him to find someone to rape in that case because as we all know it is hard to find a single female that entertains couples.

 

Anyhow, I really don't think this is a good example of what single male swingers do. It is a good example of what demented rapists do and that one does need to use common sense on the internet just like they do in real life. Most rapes are date rapes and the victim met the assailant in person. John.

[TeamSoBe 36]

These are all stories about errant men deceiving and harming women because it's easier for them to do that if they can hide behind a net connection. If you go to a club in person and meet the guy's wife in person and she says "Yeah, sure, fuck him, I'm happy for you" then you don't have these problems. That's my point in all of this.

 

If I were a single swinger guy that wasn't psychotic then I would be very irritated at all of these guys out there giving men a bad name, since it would mean that I would have such a negative stereotype to overcome in order to meet anybody.

[OhioCouple 40]

I feel this entire post should be read by every member of this board and by all new browsers. CAUTION is the key word here. To date, we have met ALL of our friends online via a pay website.

 

These are just a few of our experiences so far and some of the reasons that we have block on all single males and females from sending us messages.

 

We received an abundance of mail from both single males and "females". When politely turned away, some became downright frightening and rude. First clue in any corespondence we have had with people in which we have learned this last year is if you are incapable of putting together a full sentence, more than one sentence or don't know what the caps key is for and not for, you are not the type of person that we want to meet. If you can only talk about FUCKING and how big your genitals are, be it a 40DD or a 10" wanker, you are not the type of people that we want to meet. If your ad is unable to provide some sort of non-sexually related information and relies on phrases like "I love sex", "I am very oral", "I love to please a woman in every way, you won't be disappointed", then you are not the type of people that we want to meet.

 

We had a "woman" contact giving the appearance to be a couple, that wanted to get together with us. To make a long story short the *woman* asked if we would be willing to meet with just the husband since she was going down to take care of relatives. This became a huge issue on another site as this person which turned out to be a deranged single male posing as a couple in order to get access to those who had blocked all singles. The end result was not pretty and a few people found themselves in a very bad position. Not at all unlike the incident in Miami. End result the dude was busted in more ways than one. Not before he harmed one too many, even one was too many.

 

Recently we had a single male that we thought we had hand selected knowing all the info that we thought necessary to insure that he was a single. The deception was very good and I'll give him that credit. I am just glad it didn't turn into a disaster for us.

 

We have had one cyber stalker which turned out to be a married cheating male. That was very early in our swinging experiences. Fortunately with the help of some other people we were able to get this person to back off. By being removed from privledges to certain sites and threatend with a loss of man hood, he gave it up. Unfortunately, there is no doubt in my mind that he moved on to other prey.

 

Ohhh, my list can go on. Those are just scratching the surface.

 

The best thing that can come out of this thread is that people will not believe any and everything the read or see on the internet. And they will take cautiion with anyone they meet via such. My recommendations are to NEVER play on the first meet and always meet in a public place for as many times as it takes to feel comfortable. And if you are first looking into swinging, go to a club and take your chances there. At least the club owners have a vested interest in insuring safety.

 

Lori

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is a really great topic. When first reading through it I was debating moving it to the "Single Male" forum and to an extent still am. But on the other hand the warnings here apply to much more than just single men, they apply to anyone. Even if you aren't looking for single men it is very easy sometimes to be decieved by those who pretend to be couples.

 

The key here is to use good judgement and common sense. If you don't have those two things you shouldn't be swinging.

[TeamSoBe 36]

If I were a news editor, there would still be occasional discussions in the general news about interesting concepts lately in given subject X, and I would stick it in the general news. That's why I started the thread here. Move away though, if the conversation wanders somewhere. The net is cool that way.

 

This all reinforces my single Golden Rule of swinging, that the rules are exactly the same as the rules for dating. As a single person before you got married, you had to assume that every guy that goes "Hey baby" when you're walking down the street is a psychopath unless he gives you reason not to. The rule in swinging is exactly the same, except that there are more psychopaths hanging out in online swingers' web sites than there are in singles' bars. Dating must suck a lot for a woman, you ladies have my sympathy.

[curious24 17]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe

That doesn't matter much, photos are easy to fake. I was once spammed by a scam artist for AFF that was sending out a photo of the hot young girl that he was claiming to be. The photo was one of my wife that I shot for her amateur porn web site. As hot as the little bitch was, I didn't fall for his scam.

well i guess my point about the picture was that someone could knock on the door and if it wasn't the person she was expecting then she shouldn't open the door... but on another note i hate those scams.. i'm just glad this forum isn't filled with spamn good job julie!!!

 

If I were a single swinger guy that wasn't psychotic then I would be very irritated at all of these guys out there giving men a bad name, since it would mean that I would have such a negative stereotype to overcome in order to meet anybody.

being a single guy.. this is exactly why i don't post ads or contact anyone.. i just let people come to me... the way i figure it single guys have such a bad stereotype because this type of thing that it isn't worth my time getting rejected all the time, getting rude responces, or not getting any responces at all...

 

but like i said eariler.. i'd like to know the ratio between good experiences vs bad experiences with single guys.. i've read a lot of both on here... hmmm...

[curious24 17]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe

As a single person before you got married, you had to assume that every guy that goes "Hey baby" when you're walking down the street is a psychopath unless he gives you reason not to.

sometimes being single sucks because of this... people who know me think i'm a great nice guy.. but when i start a friendly converstaion at the super market or heck with my neighbors right across from me at my apartment they all think i'm some guy out to get them... i don't get it.. and probably never will.. but if anyone knows how to combat this i'm all ears

[bimrdcpl 15]

I have to say that this post has scared the shit out of me, to the point that I just changed all of our profiles to meeting couples only. We have met one single male off of the internet and from the sounds of it we were pretty lucky. And guess what he is the first and last. Its not all because of this post but this was the last straw for us. We too have heard quite a few stories from "single" males and we were getting fed up with it anyway.

 

I agree that everyone should read this and the other post. It opens up ones eyes if they were closed in the first place and ours were. I thank goodness that I came across this forum because I have learned so much from you all and I cant thank you enough.

 

 

Thank you all

 

Dawn

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by bimrdcpl

I have to say that this post has scared the shit out of me, to the point that I just changed all of our profiles to meeting couples only.

I wouldn't let this thread scare you, more so take it as a reminder that all that glitters is not gold. I personally feel that it is a good reminder to use CAUTION and good judgement when selecting someone to share in their innermost lives.

 

As I said before, we have met all of our swinging friends via online ads or through those people's circle of friends. We have not swung with everyone of them, (only what I like to call 3 1/2)but we do always meet them in a public place after sometimes several weeks or more correspondence via email, AIM and/or phone conversations. We learned early on to *Not play* on the first meeting. Our first time doing so was fine, but we were too new to realize this isn't how it always is. Our second time was not fine and we got ourselves in a situation we wouldn't have had we taken a breather to talk about it first. They weren't dangerous or anything like that, but definitely not the type of people that we want to swing with. We are still in contact with them to this day via occasional emails and have chosen to remain friends and friends only. I think their feelings were just as mutual. After this experience we revised a lot of our rules as to how we opt to play.

 

One thing that has worked VERY well for us is getting to know people over the course of time through forums such as this. True colors tend to show by the way people present themselves in discussions. We probably have around 40 or 50 couples and a few singles, some from this board, that we correspond with rather frequently from all around the country. We would have no problem meeting with any of them as we feel we have gotten to know them quite well. Their behavioral patterns are much like our own and unless they are brilliant actors/actresses they are a good representation of those we would like to have the opportunity to meet if only to share a nice meal and good conversation.

 

We have only had one experience where we did not know the people but for a few hours and that caused a little friction. But this was an entirely different situation and was at a house party where everyone who attended were for lack of better words, *hand selected* and the problems stemmed from us being very new and not having all of our own rules intact as we should have. We now look at this as part of the growing pains. We intend to attend this house party again as the people there were wonderful. Again we met the host of this party via online ads, who is a single male and coordinates them with a single female of which they have been friends for many years and both have been swinging for many years. They just happen to be spouseless at the moment.

 

Bottom line is don't be frightened by this thread, just use your head and good judgement when meeting with people either from online or in a club environment. Most of all, if something doesn't feel truly right, don't do it.

 

Lori

[ItalianDaisy1 15]

I would have to agree with TeamSoBe. I feel very strongly that the best place to meet these single guys would be a swingers club or a party. At least at the clubs you have the security of knowing "no means no". If the single guy doesn't listen they are thrown out.

 

My husband and I are fed up with them too. Most of them just don't get the point that we are not interested in them. It is truly a shame that these jerks give the good ones a bad name. We have met plenty of wonderful single men. However, we have met even more totally dishonest ones. The worst one was still wearing his ring and told me his wife had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

 

 

 

Tiffany

[Mariposa_y_Oso 15]

Ah yes...the single male. I read in another thread that finding an honest, open, "safe" single male is about as hard as finding the elusive (and so far as I know, mythological ) single female. Personally, I really enjoy seeing Mari with other guys and when we swing with couples, I'm usually too involved to really watch as I'd want to. I enjoy MFM threesomes, I like sharing her and pleasuring her with another guy. She's told me that she really feels like a movie star with all the attention, and hell, she deserves it. That having been said, we've had two experiences with single males and both of them have pretty much soured us on even attempting it again.

 

The first one was with a guy that initiated us into the lifestyle. He worked at a local swinger's club and was really great at answering all our questions and helping us feel at ease. You'd think that working in a club, he'd have more of a clue as to how the lifestyle works, but alas, it wasn't so. Our first experience with him was okay, even if Mari wasn't really attracted to him. He was respectful of our limits and boundries (which at that point was limited to oral). We had a good time the first time we met with him, and he said that the next time we all hooked up, he'd bring along his female friend (who we met at the club) and that we'd all play. According to him, this woman couldn't stop talking about us and she was really interested in being Mari's first bi experience. We arranged to meet at a restaurant. When he showed up, he was alone, explaining that his friend said she'd meet us all there. He "phoned" her several times and assured us that she'd be there soon. Meanwhile, he was being inappropriately affectionate to Mari in the restaurant and getting all ass-hurt that she wasn't responding to him. After an hour and a half/two hours, he tries calling again and says that she told him that she wouldn't be able to make it. He then asked if we just all wanted to go somewhere and play, just the three of us. I paid our check and we left. Later on, we had to completely block him from our email and IM and I had to get a bit "forceful" with him (verbally) because he just kept pushing for another meeting and admitted that he had "feelings" for Mari. We were honest and up front from the beginning that we are not into poly relationships and are not looking for that type of thing, but evidently, he thought that he was special. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are that it has webbed feet...

 

Our other experience was actually a near-experience, as we never met up with the guy. We were cruising through the profiles of people in one of the online groups we are members of, and this one guy really caught Mari's eye. He was a good looking guy, and one thing that really stood out about him was that in all his pics in the club photo album, he was dressed. He seemed like a nice, decent guy. So we IM'ed with him for a bit and once again, he came across as a great guy with one exception - he was married. One of the first rules that we agreed on when we first got into the lifestyle was that we would NOT be a party to any extra-marital affairs, no matter how wonderful/great looking/whatever the person was (either male or female). We have no desire to break up a marriage or relationship. We don't need that sort of bad karma. So when we he told us about this, we pretty much wrote him off, but we were polite enough to tell him our reasons and we kept in contact with him via email and occasionally IM. A couple of months went by and after playing with a couple of couples, Mari and I found ourselves really wanting a MFM threesome. After casually looking around at all our options, we came back around to this guy and started talking to him again. After much discussion, we decided that we'd play with this guy just once. We told him that this would just be a one time thing and that the only reason why we were even considering it was because Mari was really attracted to him and that we were in the mood for a MFM threesome. We set up a date a couple of weeks later to meet in a local bar to get aquainted and if things felt right, perhaps more. Well, during this time, we had to change the time, date, and place about 3 or 4 times because of "situations" that came up with him. Finally, Mari and I called the whole thing off. Our consciences got the better of us and we just couldn't go through with it, not to mention that both our bullshit alarms were blaring like the self-destruct alarms at the end of a bad sci-fi movie. We consider ourselves lucky that we didn't go through with it after all. Like I said, we don't really need any bad juju. Plus, once you disregard one of your basic rules, it's just that much easier to do it again. We were fortunate in that we learned a valuable lesson without having to pay much of a price at all...

 

At any rate, those are our two stories of personal experiences with single men. Are there single guys out there that are truely great guys with a firm grasp on the whole philosophy of the lifestyle? I'm sure there are. I'd like to think that if, god forbid, I should find myself single, that I would be one of those guys. Then again, Mari has trained me well and in addition to being housebroken, I can fetch a slipper like a mofo! We now just content ourselves on playing with couples and once we get to know them, arranging for threesomes among the four of us, where everyone will take turns sitting out for a bit while the other three play. Pretty much a win-win situation all the way around...

 

Cheers!

~Mike

[ciscosv 26]

I am hard on single guys and have no problems admitting that. Why? In regards to my wife and I, a couple has a hell of alot more to offer us both. Do the math. i.e, 4 tits, 2 pussies, 2 dicks and 4 tounges.

 

Two guys can have a beer and shoot the shit all day long. That leaves my wife twidling her thumbs and feeling left out. She just does not share the same interests that most men do.

 

In addition to that, my wife has had her share of mfm situations and does not feel that she needs to explore that further. Will we discount single males in the future? No. I am game when she is ready to be greedy for cock. But making the selection IMO is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

The attitude of some guys either creep me out, turn me off or even crack me up. Let's face it. I am not the world's best lover or the hottest guy. But I dont think I need to persuade people in believing that I am. Or to even add a few immaginary inches to my screen name for validity.

 

To comment on the story, it is no longer available so I dont have the "criminal liberal" facts about what happened. Nobody deserves to get raped. Nobody - period! It disgusts me that there are people in the world that prey on and manipulate the weak and vulnerable. Then sieze the moment to pounce on their victim when the sign of helplessness is about.

 

The single male (I was one once a few times so I am credible) may feel the need to lie to get some poon. We all like sex, But damn. Especially when you throw in the no strings attached phrase.

 

I said once and I'll say it again. Just because some couples can share their sexual relationship with others does not mean that they will sleep with any joe.

 

There are just too many benefits for all parties involved of couple to couple situations that it singles out single guys. Sorry.

 

It is too easy to offend single guys for some reason. All the flack should be taken into account. And that is, what and what not to do to increase your chances of getting lucky.

 

There are a hell of alot of couples out there looking for single guys. It's the assholes that deter them from continuing. Dont get mad at me for flaming you. Get pissed at the boys that are messing up your game and making you look bad.

 

I think that is it for now. Maybe more later.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

What if the rapist in this story turned out to be a married family man? Would people be drawing conclusions that you gotta watch out for married family men?

 

I just don't think it matters if a rapist is married, single, straight, a swinger, gay, black or white. He certainly doesn't represent anyone except mentally deranged predators.

 

John.

[Gwendolyn 15]

I am new to this site, but not new to the lifestyle. I have a couple of things I have to put my 2 cents on.

 

First of all this topic could go on forever. I don't know anyone in the lifestyle that hasn't had some kind of experience that was bad with single men. I feel for you guys I really do. I've maybe met 2 single guys in this in 3 years that didn't just give me the creeps.

 

Second meeting people on the internet requires so much caution. When my husband and I meet new people we generally meet them for dinner or drinks first. If whoever we're meeting doesn't feel right to both of us, we call it a night. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS MEET PEOPLE IN PUBLIC.

 

I've met some wonderful people in the lifestyle on the internet. Be safe so you can stick around to play.

[Guest Lakota]

I’m new here as well, but have been in the lifestyle for some time. Because of my career (military) I’m ALWAYS traveling and even though I prefer to be half of a couple, I frequently find myself in the role of “single male”

 

I’ve never felt any resentment, but I think (or should I say I hope) it’s due to my attitude. If I’m a single male, that means I’m a GUEST in any situation I find myself in and I act accordingly. There is a very-much-in-love couple there who is INVITING me to play. THEIR boundaries come first.

 

Cheer

 

John

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe

 

Ladies, there are a lot of psychos out there, please be careful.

 

A man named Alexander Graham Bell gave us a wonderful mode of communication. Hopefully the ladies out there will be intelligent enough to speak with Mrs. psycho before meeting, to verify her existance and compliance.

 

Dan

[ATAK 15]

Originally posted by curious24

being a single guy.. this is exactly why i don't post ads or contact anyone.. i just let people come to me... the way i figure it single guys have such a bad stereotype because this type of thing that it isn't worth my time getting rejected all the time, getting rude responces, or not getting any responces at all...

 

but like i said eariler.. i'd like to know the ratio between good experiences vs bad experiences with single guys.. i've read a lot of both on here... hmmm...

 

I feel exactly the same way about placing ads and contacting people. However since I am re-entering the lifestyle, I felt it necessary to at least let people know I'm here. So rather than sending alot of unwanted e-mails to couples who are not interested in men anyways, I'd rather post my comments and thoughts here so that the few couples or possibly single ladies who might be interested can see how I think, things I like and dislike and make their own judgements about me before actually contacting me. You can't make people want to be with you (whether it's for sex or not).

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by ATAK

I feel exactly the same way about placing ads and contacting people. However since I am re-entering the lifestyle, I felt it necessary to at least let people know I'm here. So rather than sending alot of unwanted e-mails to couples who are not interested in men anyways, I'd rather post my comments and thoughts here so that the few couples or possibly single ladies who might be interested can see how I think, things I like and dislike and make their own judgements about me before actually contacting me. You can't make people want to be with you (whether it's for sex or not).

 

Welcome to the board ATAK, I hope you will take some time stop by the intros forum and tell us more about yourself, as well as continue to post your thoughts throughout the board.

 

I noticed you mentioned that you were re-entering the lifestyle. Why did you leave before and why have you chosen now to give it another try. Could you elaborate on your previous experiences?

[ATAK 15]

I may be able to kill 2 birds with one stone here....Let me tell you my story.

 

After 10 years of service in the USAF in Florida, I found myself out of the service and out of my marriage at the same time. I had several friends that I'd made from my time in the service and many of them helped me out after I left the service. One lady in particular let me move in with her as she and her husband had parted ways and she needed a roomate. She and I had known each other for years, but never really had a strong physical attraction to each other. Once I moved in to her house, I found that she'd been exploring the lifestyle with some of her friends and she was curious as to whether I'd be interested in joining her as a couple (she and I). After 10 years of committed marriage I was more than ready to play the field and I jumped in with both feet. She and I had many experiences with other couples, MFM, 6 and 8 partner sex and we fully enjoyed ourselves with couples we already knew, though I didn't know they were in the lifestyle.

 

After several months had passed, I met someone I hit it off with immediately. After an extended period of swinging nearly every day, I decided I wanted to pursue my relationship with her. She did not subscribe to the lifestyle and had a hard time with it, so I abandoned it in favor of a more personal relationship with her. She and I stayed together for 8 years before we went our seperate ways. She's been gone now for a few months and I feel like I'm ready to re-enter the lifestyle I so enjoyed before. I no longer live in Florida, so all of my friends from my previous experiences are gone their own way and I am looking forward to making new friends and having new experiences with them.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Gotcha, so basically this is your first time giving it a shot as a single male. You'll find a lot of info here that will help you along... as I'm sure you already have. Please feel free to post your own thoughts and any questions you may have along the way. We are always more than happy to help honest people find what they are looking for.

[Derek 15]

I agree with Italian Daisy that the best, and safest, place to meet single men is at a swinger's club or party. But, guess what: SINGLE MEN ARE EXCLUDED!

 

This is why, for those of us who are sane, sophisticated, clean, mature, single males, it's a maddening Catch-22.

 

Discouraging too: I joined the SB because I thought, silly me, that it might be a way for me to join the party, but what with the clubs' exclusivity, couples' fear-bordering-on-prejudice, and the double standard even in the supposedly open-minded swinging community that makes 2F-1M arrangements relatively easy to arrange but 2M-1F parties nearly impossible (if, that is, one of the 2Ms is single), I've just about given up.

[ATAK 15]

That is the obstacle that we Single Men have to overcome, unfortunately, it's been the Married Men (chingles) that have really fucked it up for us.

[ItalianDaisy1 15]

unfortunately, it's been the Married Men (chingles) that have really fucked it up for us

How do you figure that? I'd love to know.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by ItalianDaisy1

How do you figure that? I'd love to know.

 

Could you elaborate on that question?

 

What is it that confuses you?

 

John.

[ItalianDaisy1 15]

I don't understand how married men fucked it up for single men.

 

 

In response to Derek..... the clubs out here do allow single men.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I don't think its just married men in general.

 

Its married cheaters.

 

The lifestyle knows that most of the guys that act like single males are in fact married men.

 

Who wants to be lied to huh.

 

John.

[ItalianDaisy1 15]

Thank you for clearing that up for me. It must be lack of sleep that made me slow today....lol

[ATAK 15]

I apologize for not elaborating...I was referring to married cheating men and singles who are in LTR's and cheat on their significant others. Those are the ones that mess things up for us truly single men.

[ItalianDaisy1 15]

No big deal. Flori_DAMAN helped me out. I understand how you feel. We have had our fair share of the married cheaters. It's to bad you guys are not in AZ, single men are welcome to the clubs here and get to "join the party" all the time.

[curious24 17]

Originally posted by ItalianDaisy1

No big deal. Flori_DAMAN helped me out. I understand how you feel. We have had our fair share of the married cheaters. It's to bad you guys are not in AZ, single men are welcome to the clubs here and get to "join the party" all the time.

i'm moving.. hehe

[ATAK 15]

Curious24, need a roomate?

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I like Florida but Az sounds really nice.......

 

John

[Derek 15]

Who knew that AZ would be more open-minded than NYC??

Because, believe me, single Ms are pariahs in Gotham's swing scene....

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by ItalianDaisy1

I don't understand how married men fucked it up for single men.

 

 

Basically because there are so many married mail cheaters out there pretending to be single that it's hard to trust any guy who claims to be single. It takes much more for the "good ones" to prove themselves than it should.

[Bob123 15]

Now all single guys are cheating on their wives and/or are rapists. This just keeps getting better and better.

 

Is this the major reason that people do not like single guys but go for single women? That men are more physically powerful than women and therefore harder to control?

[Roxysbayou 20]

How can single guys cheat on their wives if they are single???

[Bob123 15]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

How can single guys cheat on their wives if they are single???

 

 

exactly

[EternallySingle 32]

It is sad that things like this happen. I've never been raped, but I have been jumped and beaten senseless on more than one occasion for no other reason than the people (and I use that word loosely) wanted to prove that they were stronger than me...and I'm talking sense I've become an adult. Thats one of the reasons I used to volunteer to help teach female self defense courses, and I have a word of advice.

 

The more you fear a situation, the more likely that it will happen to you. It seems like even couples who are looking to meet with single males wait for the men to write them. NEWS FLASH:Most of the legit single males I've talked to online have said the same thing...WE NEVER CONTACT COUPLES FIRST! Single women is different. We will send one email, but thats it. We say hi. If you say hi, we talk. If you don't say hi, we move on. Not worth the time to chase someone online. Takes too much time from meeting someone in real life.

 

I'm not easily offended, but I am disappointed. Mainly because I underestimated the fear that many people have concerning single men. Maybe its just this area, maybe the only people who post on swinger bulletin boards are the ones with bad experiences. I don't know. But meeting single men is NOT as bad as most couples and single women think. It can't be. If it were, there would have been no married people to complain about single men.

 

Oh, I forgot. All the good ones are already taken. My bad

 

LIGHTEN THE HELL UP A*L*R*E*A*D*Y

[Roxysbayou 20]

It's not that we would never be with a single guy. First offit's that there are so many to choose from...lol. And there are a lot of fakes that really just want to pic trade or screw somebodys wife. There is an overall fear because of the bad experiences that so many have had. We need to be more careful, and a single guy looking for a single girl, and a single guy looking to swing are two different things. Back to O's question... why would a single guy want to swing? Lots seem to be a little freaky. Granted the ones on this board seem to be for real, but there are over a thousand in my area alone. And until I take the time to talk with them the way that we all do here, I am going to be leery.

[Bob123 15]

Single men who just want to have sex!!! Are you serious??

 

 

Say it ain't so Roxy Say it ain't so

[EternallySingle 32]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

and a single guy looking for a single girl, and a single guy looking to swing are two different things.

 

You are so right, Roxy. Its not the same thing. Problem is, a lot of the less experienced swingers approach it (meeting potential partners)the same way as dating, and that sets them up for the bad experiences. Its not dating, its socializing. There is a difference and not recognizing that difference is where all the misunderstandings I've read in this and other posts stems from.

 

But thats just my opinion.

[jen 16]

Typically, I' don't have fears of only single men. I'm not sposed to talk to strangers, doesn't matter what their marital status is...goofin.

 

The thing is -- is that bad things happen to good people everyday. So a healthy amount of caution is a very good thing. I don't aim my cautions only at singles, I apply caution generously & equally.

 

Sometimes I ride the breaks alittle too hard though.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by EternallySingle

Problem is, a lot of the less experienced swingers approach it (meeting potential partners)the same way as dating, and that sets them up for the bad experiences.

 

That's one of the major drawbacks with doing single guys. I feel there's a much greater potential for emotional ties to develop on his part, which can only lead to a bad outcome. We heard of one story where a married couple was swinging with a single guy, that is until he admitted he was having deeper feelings for her than he should have. That ended it then and there, the couple swore off single men from then on, and this poor guy flew home broken hearted. This is supposed to be about having fun, not getting hurt.

 

Dan

[awider2000 15]

From reading this post and others like it im beginning to wonder what im doing here. Sounds like every one prefers clubs wich i know of and have been invited to one . I meet with a couple on and off and have no issues that im aware of. We keep it sex only and friends. I read all this stuff about single males and it just depresses me to bad there are a few flakes to mess it up for the rest of us.

Thanks,

Mike

[EternallySingle 32]

Originally posted by awider2000

From reading this post and others like it im beginning to wonder what im doing here. Sounds like every one prefers clubs wich i know of and have been invited to one . I meet with a couple on and off and have no issues that im aware of. We keep it sex only and friends. I read all this stuff about single males and it just depresses me to bad there are a few flakes to mess it up for the rest of us.

Thanks,

Mike

 

Back during the 80s, when I started swinging, the internet only existed for a few techno-junkies like myself. And we had more on our minds than sex.

 

After the internet came, more people were able to learn about swinging and how to use the internet to contact other swingers. Unfortunately, most people using the internet are men, and a good majority of them are single men. Since one of the attractions of swinging is (supposedly) sex without commitments or other strings, who is going to make up a large majority of people posting on swinger sites?

 

The difference between the 80s/90s and today is that most swingers meet online and not at clubs. Since more people know about clubs, single men have been excluded from most to keep them from overrunning the place. Back during the late 80s/early 90s I remember most clubs having one or two nights were singles were welcome. Same with the conventions. Now, a single man cannot even get into most conventions unless he is a vendor, and thats as far as he goes regardless of past experience. Why? Its the numbers again. Let in one, you have to let in all. And since most have never had an experience in the lifestyle, they don't know how to act at first. The ones who do may feel left out, but you have to look at the big picture. Swinging is mainly couples swapping partners or inviting a third to join.

 

Of course, most of my experience was as part of a couple, so I have a little less sympothy for guys who start out as single than I do for those guys who have lost their partner (due to death or separation) and are suddenly excluded just because.

[EternallySingle 32]

Can't believe I spelled "Sympathy" Wrong.