Seperate Room vs Same Room... what and why?

[r_poseidon 17]

I saw an older poll about this, and yes, I have used the search thingy. But this isn't a poll, I would like it to be a centralized discussion.

Which do you prefer? Same or separate room? And why? If you do same only, would you ever do separate? Why or why not?

I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this. I personally find that very flawed. We have never done separate, and not sure if we ever will. For one, 50% of the excitement for me is having MZ right next to be being pounded away! The other bit is that even though I may feel that I know the other guy... unless we have been around them for years, something bad could happen. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that while I enjoy MZ being treated like a whore, and yes, she likes being treated that way as well, I don't want to risk somebody going overboard. Those are just my two reasons.

I admit, if the absolute PERFECT couple came along, I may be open to it. (MZ doesn't really care, yes, I am the one saying that we are staying same room). But I am somewhat afraid that I would not be able to open up 100%. Not sure on that one though.

When I was thinking about this, it sounded so much better in my head, now I feel as if I have forgotten things and worded this whole post poorly. So forgive me!

[getnit2gethr 15]

My wife and I have never tried a seperate room swap. I would have no problems with it as long as she didn't either. I'd even prefer it since I have been known to get a little performance anxiety in front of other men sometimes. There just isn't a good reason why I wouldn't do it. I disregard the possibility of something bad happening because we will presumably feel somewhat comfortable with a couple before we attempt a seperate room swap. Yea they could still turn out to be psycho but so could anyone else we associate with in life. I'm the type that has to be convinced to be afraid of anything and I can be hard to convince. Also, watching my wife get pounded does nothing for me. Yea, I'm happy for her if she's having a good time but I'm generally a happy person to begin with. I don't have to watch my wife get laid to be happy. So that's me. I have no reason other than my wife's wishes and a willing couple not to try a seperate room swap.

[r_poseidon 17]

I'm not saying I have to see her get laid, what I am saying is that it is a major turn on for me. I hope that clears any mis understanding up!

[kush2112 20]

For us about 95% of swinging is watching the other with another person. This is a huge turn on for us and it helps enhance our own pleasure. We are not saying that we don't enjoy another partner, we do quite a lot. It is just that we think that the sights and sounds of the whole experience is what it is all about. If you go to separate rooms, that takes that whole element out of the experience and thus takes away a good portion of our enjoyment.

[r_poseidon 17]

For us about 95% of swinging is watching the other with another person. This is a huge turn on for us and it helps enhance our own pleasure. We are not saying that we don't enjoy another partner, we do quite a lot. It is just that we think that the sights and sounds of the whole experience is what it is all about. If you go to separate rooms, that takes that whole element out of the experience and thus takes away a good portion of our enjoyment.

 

So are you saying that you would never do separate room, for that reason only?

[flkeyscouple 21]

We only do same room. I'm not saying we won't, at some point, do separate rooms, but at this time we have no plans to go there. We like watching each other, we enjoy the chance to look up and see each other and smile, we like the sounds of the scene, and the whole same-room experience.

 

I can also understand your concern for safety, r_poseidon. I agree that we've NEVER had a problem with safety or someone pushing too much, but especially for the 'one night stand' type encounter - you just never know.

 

If we ever do go to separate rooms it will be with a couple that we've come to trust over many previous encounters. So far we don't have that other couple in our 'little black book'.

 

Sarah

[iapr 24]

We only do same room and see no reason for us to consider separate room at this time although we understand it is the preference of some people and don't think that it is wrong at all, just not for us.

 

Our rationale is that if we are together then it is our shared experience as a couple and that even if we are with other people it is still our experience. We also at times want to be with each other or to at least be able to pleasure and touch each other whenever we want. We also both enjoy seeing each other with others.

 

Safety is also a concern. The need for physical safety of the female half is obvious but there are also other forms of risk of a male half in separate room situations. Even though we like to think of all of our play partners as being sane and mature and emotionally healthy and in healthy happy relationships there is no way to be guarenteed of that. If a male is alone with another female it will just be his word vs her word if she has some emotional/mental issues and comes back with accusations of pushyness, unconsensual activity or rape or something like that.

 

The way we see it is if we are together then we are a couple making love together even if it involves other people. It is just another facet of our maritial sex life. If we play separate then we are just fucking other people.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I saw an older poll about this, and yes, I have used the search thingy. But this isn't a poll, I would like it to be a centralized discussion.

Which do you prefer? Same or separate room? And why? If you do same only, would you ever do separate? Why or why not?

I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this.

 

First of all the person who wrote that book you read apparently doesn't know much about swinging. Just my opinion on that one but the only reason I would say someone shouldn't be swinging is if they are using it to "fix" their relationship. But that wasn't what you are posting about...just had to get my 2 cents in on it.

 

To answer your question...Spoo and I only do same room. We got into this together and enjoy seeing each other have a good time with our playmates. We like to reach and touch plus if the women want to touch each other that adds to the fun. We tried an exchange once with a couple we were comfortable with to give the husbands a FMF experience. The wife came over and played with us alone and then I went and played with them without Spoo. While I had fun with them sexually and it was erotic for Spoo to think about what was going on and hear about it after I don't want to do it again. Like I said the sex was fun, it was a couple we knew and were comfortable with but I was missing something...Spoo. I didn't like him not being there to see what we were doing or joining in the fun. A lot of our pleasure comes after play when we talk about it all week and recall what we "saw" each other doing. You can't have that if your not in the same room to see.

 

That experience was the closest we've ever gotten to separate rooms even though we weren't even in the same house and Spoo was working not playing with someone while I was away. No we'll never do separate rooms it just isn't fun for us.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this. I personally find that very flawed.

 

I personally find that very flawed as well...

 

So flawed in fact that I would say that whoever wrote that book needs to have their head examined.

 

My definition? Swinging is what a couple makes it - period. What works for them and enriches their sex-life/fulfills their fantasies is what swinging ought to be. No one defines it for us - and we won't try to pack it in a little box for anyone else. Our only rule? That the couple be on the same page.

 

Same room turns us on. It works for us. Not playing in the same room is simply just having sex with someone else - which isn't the draw of the lifestyle for either of us. We like the group experience. Our experiment with it - as Mrs Spoo posted - just didn't work for us. It was lacking, for want of a better word.

 

Thank god swinging books don't define our experience :rollseyes

 

Spoomonkey

[do_lei_me 15]

Well, L and I do it all. We really enjoy same room, looking into each others eyes seeing that they are happy, touching on each other and all that great stuff. We also like seperate rooms for the fact that whether we are in the same room or different rooms, we talk about everything, and playing seperatly really turns the other one on well telling the story. Then we go off and WE play!

[kush2112 20]

So are you saying that you would never do separate room, for that reason only?

Is there a better reason?

[sexcupid 809]

Well, I guess I'll pipe in here as the odd one out. We prefer separate rooms. Why? Because that's my own personal comfort level.

 

I don't really care to watch him having sex with someone else, and I don't want to feel like I'm being scrutinized in my performance. I'm sure that Jeff would like to watch me having sex with some other guy...but that'll just have to wait until we have a gangbang. *rotflmao*

 

Does that make me any less of a swinger than others? I don't think so, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. If the right couple, right place, right time comes along....then the same room thing will happen.

 

Maria

[cubnamy1995 124]

We prefer to play in different states. While we have fun together, it is too excruciating to listen to her criticize my driving on the way home. It is also very irritating when I am in a groove pounding with a beautiful woman to have my wife take the other guy's dick out of her mouth long enough to say "Did you remember to set out the trash before we left?"

 

Hope this brought a smile

[JTcamp05 9]

We have done both....and feel seperate rooms are just more relaxed and enjoyable.

 

We have found some couple's who have lets say "control" issues and will only do same room....not saying that all couples who prefer this have this issue, just that we have come across this type. They can't let go of insecurities enough to let thier partners out of there sight!

 

I our opnion were not doing this to "perform" for a crowd, so why not enjoy sex with the person your making love too!

[r_poseidon 17]

Well thank you all for your input. It's nice to see totally different opinions on the same topic. :-)

[good times 991]

I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this. I personally find that very flawed.

I agree with you and some of the others that this statement by itself is flawed, but I can totally understand how someone might come to that conclusion. The reason I say that is that based on the people we have played with over the years, not always, but more often than not, the people who are adamant about, "same room only" have issues that would indicate to me that they probably shouldn't be swinging. We have met very few people that were, "same room only" that I would say were comfortable with everything about swinging but just preferred to play only in the same room, in contrast to the majority who we have met who were just to insecure with each other to play separately. We have met even less, like 2 or 3 couples in 5 years that were, "same room only" and any fun to play with. Frankly, most, "Same room only" people we have played with that didn't have issues, were so into seeing each other play that it was obvious we were just a minor but necessary tool for them to fulfill their fantasy, and for us these experiences sucked. In fact, now days when it is obvious that the couple we are withs only interest is seeing each other play, we just get dressed and leave.

 

Ok enough on that, now to answer your actual question of which do I prefer and why. That is an easy one, separate room is what I prefer. As for the reason why that is also quite simple even though their are several reasons, I will list them in order of importance to me;

 

I like separate room because in all of our experiences playing with others in swinging we have never had a bad experience when playing in separate rooms. This is not to say we have had no good experiences playing in the same room as we have on many occasions, but with our same room experiences I would guess it has been good about 15% of the time, whereas, with separate rooms it has been good 100% of the times we have done it.

 

Easier play coordination is also an advantage of separate rooms. Just as it is hard to find four people who all find each other attractive enough to have sex with, it is also at least equally as hard to find people who are into the same things once the clothes come off and also progress at the same speed. When playing same room it is always a compromise. I can't tell you how many times we have had a play session where the other guy got done before I did and then he and my wife sat their and watched us. Being a non-exhibitionist who actually doesn't like being someone else's entertainment, when this happens the experience is less than good for me.

 

Separate room play allows you the comfort level to try things you wouldn't do if in the presence of your spouse. We recently played with a couple in separate rooms where Mrs. GT got to try some things that, quite frankly, we both agree would have left us both convulsing in the corner with fits of laughter, heck when we got home and were doing our traditional after play retelling to each other of the nights events, we were both cracking up over what my reaction would have been had I been there to see it, yet at the time she got totally into it and thoroughly enjoyed it. Another time I was with a playmate and in the middle of it she decided she wanted to have sex in the shower. After I got over thinking maybe I stunk or something, we had sex in the shower and it was a blast. These things just aren't possible if one is, "same room only".

 

It is kind of funny how things change over time, when we first started swinging one of our major turn-ons was to see the other having sex with someone else. Now after many experiences, both good and not so good, under our belt, this fantasy has evidently been filled adequately for both of us because seeing each other with someone else just doesn't get us excited like it used to. This does not mean we will not play same room any more, or that we don't enjoy playing same room. We still do, but not for the same reasons as when we first started. Like most everyone else, when we first started we were, "same room only" now days, we prefer separate rooms given a choice.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I our opnion were not doing this to "perform" for a crowd, so why not enjoy sex with the person your making love too!

 

It may be semantics really, but I have never "made love" to a playmate. I have had some incredible sexual experiences - some of the "mind-blowing" variety. But I have never, not once, made love...

 

Spoomonkey

[flkeyscouple 21]

It may be semantics really, but I have never "made love" to a playmate. I have had some incredible sexual experiences - some of the "mind-blowing" variety. But I have never, not once, made love...

 

I was going to post the same thing, but I figures it was semantics. But I'm glad you said it Spoo! I think the terminology needed to be mentioned!

 

Sarah

[Tybee Swing 286]

First of all the person who wrote that book you read apparently doesn't know much about swinging. Just my opinion on that one but the only reason I would say someone shouldn't be swinging is if they are using it to "fix" their relationship. But that wasn't what you are posting about...just had to get my 2 cents in on it.

 

To answer your question...Spoo and I only do same room. We got into this together and enjoy seeing each other have a good time with our playmates. We like to reach and touch plus if the women want to touch each other that adds to the fun. We tried an exchange once with a couple we were comfortable with to give the husbands a FMF experience. The wife came over and played with us alone and then I went and played with them without Spoo. While I had fun with them sexually and it was erotic for Spoo to think about what was going on and hear about it after I don't want to do it again. Like I said the sex was fun, it was a couple we knew and were comfortable with but I was missing something...Spoo. I didn't like him not being there to see what we were doing or joining in the fun. A lot of our pleasure comes after play when we talk about it all week and recall what we "saw" each other doing. You can't have that if your not in the same room to see.

That experience was the closest we've ever gotten to separate rooms even though we weren't even in the same house and Spoo was working not playing with someone while I was away. No we'll never do separate rooms it just isn't fun for us.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

 

Dito We feel the same way, for precisely the same reasons. It would cut out the majority of our fun if we can't see each other (turn-on factor) and can't share the experience as a couple.

 

Even in the same room, we don't want to be "blocked" in any way by the other people, such as being maneuvered into positions where we couldn't see each other. We actually prefer more of a group experience.

[Tybee Swing 286]

If you do same only, would you ever do separate? Why or why not?

 

The possibility of going that route in the future is there, I suppose. We just haven't come across a situation or person/people yet, where going separately would seem like it would be better/sexier/more interesting to us than same-room sex does.

 

He likes to see me with the other woman, or the other man, or both of them. I like to see him with the other woman. I might like to sit back for a bit and watch them all in a MFM for awhile. Sometimes, the other woman and I are both giving my husband a treat at the same time - or we're both giving the other husband a treat. We tend to do many different things within one play session - we keep changing things around. There are so many interesting things that can happen when 4 people are in a room, which can't happen in separate rooms.

[Pensacolapair 394]

In my opinion, it should always be about which provides an environment within one's 'comfort zone'. As can be seen from the responses to date, for some people, having other people present can be a distraction that can inhibit pleasure; other people find the presence of others a crucial element of their pleasure. For us, it's usually a matter of which one is more comfortable for those we are partying with. We aren't hard over towards either same or seperate room..each can be equally exciting in it's own way!

 

One thing we have noticed in our experiences is that quite a few people prefer same room for first encounters...and tend to slip easily into 'wherever/whatever' in any return engagements.

 

M

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

He likes to see me with the other woman, or the other man, or both of them. I like to see him with the other woman. I might like to sit back for a bit and watch them all in a MFM for awhile. Sometimes, the other woman and I are both giving my husband a treat at the same time - or we're both giving the other husband a treat. We tend to do many different things within one play session - we keep changing things around. There are so many interesting things that can happen when 4 people are in a room, which can't happen in separate rooms.

 

You nailed the reason right here for us too. Part of the reason for getting in the lifestyle was partially fantasy fulfillment. If I or Spoo just wanted to have sex alone in a room with someone...it would be each other. The pile ups are so much fun and gives you so many options of play just in one session. facelick

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

In my opinion, it should always be about which provides an environment within one's 'comfort zone'. As can be seen from the responses to date, for some people, having other people present can be a distraction that can inhibit pleasure; other people find the presence of others a crucial element of their pleasure. For us, it's usually a matter of which one is more comfortable for those we are partying with. We aren't hard over towards either same or seperate room..each can be equally exciting in it's own way!

 

One thing we have noticed in our experiences is that quite a few people prefer same room for first encounters...and tend to slip easily into 'wherever/whatever' in any return engagements.

 

M

 

This is why we talk up front when we meet someone to find out their comfort levels of play. If ours don't match up with theirs then we move on. No couple or single should have to change their style of swinging just to play with someone, so move on.

 

We have found at our club that there is a lot of drama with the couples who have decided to move on to separate rooms. Usually because one isn't comfortable with it and the other one doesn't care. I don't think you can use same room or not to determine "lifestyle maturity", it is what it is, a couple's decision and whether it works for them. Also, since they are our boundaries, comfort zone and/or rules we have the right to change them and alter them as we see fit based on "us" and not anyone else.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[clutch 28]

We like both. We almost always start off all together (we're exclusive with another couple) and will do some kind of orgy activity. Often a sensual massage that starts off with three rubbing one.

 

We actually do try to get through all four of us getting a massage, however usually we end up as four very oiled up bodies rubbing, throbbing, and cumming--the ladies more than once.

 

Sex, after that, is when it happens where it happens with whom it happens. And it's very very good.

[Larry & Michell 15]

He likes to see me with the other woman, or the other man, or both of them. I like to see him with the other woman. I might like to sit back for a bit and watch them all in a MFM for awhile. Sometimes, the other woman and I are both giving my husband a treat at the same time - or we're both giving the other husband a treat. We tend to do many different things within one play session - we keep changing things around. There are so many interesting things that can happen when 4 people are in a room, which can't happen in separate rooms.

 

Then Mrs. Spoomonkey said:

You nailed the reason right here for us too. Part of the reason for getting in the lifestyle was partially fantasy fulfillment. If I or Spoo just wanted to have sex alone in a room with someone...it would be each other. The pile ups are so much fun and gives you so many options of play just in one session.

 

This weekend shared a room with another couple. It was just awesome. Bodies all over the place, all sorts of combinations. Now THATS entertainment!

[LFM2 1,482]

Mr. LFM and I both do same room only, and I highly doubt that separate room will ever be in our future.

 

There is just so much pleasure that I get watching him with another woman. Mostly, I look over and think what a lucky woman she is to have him as her partner, but then there is the eye contact that we share, the nods, the winks, the touching... I like watching his partner as well, and the pleasure that she's receiving as a result of his skills. (Mr. LFM is VERY skilled!)

 

It's about sharing, which is only one of the small reasons why we started this new adventure. It's also about respect, (which wouldn't really there for us) if he shoos me away into another room with a man whom I've just met once or twice. How do we know he's not going to try something that goes against my comfort zone? How do we know he'd stop if asked? I think that would just heighten my anxiety a bit. He also likes it when I have a little girl/girl play. I know he likes to watch that and wouldn't that be selfish of me to shoo him off so she and I could play and he wouldn't' get to fulfil that one fantasy of his? I just wouldn't be able to do that to him. I know he likes to watch me and I love to watch him... So it's just our thing that same room will always be a part of swinging lives.

 

 

We also find it highly erotic to communicate with each other what we saw with each other and what we felt. I love to hear about his "good time" and he loves to hear about mine. It enhances our own lovemaking for a long, long time.

 

Like Spoo said, swinging is what you make of it and it's a personal choice. And personally, I have no problem with that -- to each their own. If they like separate room play, that's fine. Same room is just not something that we're willing to give up.

[spectraschain 21]

Spectra & I do same, separate, puppy-pile, whatever...

Many times, she'll tell me she's taking him to the room because he's distracted by the commotion his wife and I are causing...Spectra likes her men to be very focused on the task at hand. I'm sure there are times she's distracted also...

She asks the guy first, of course. And I'll of course make sure the lady is comfortable with it also.

Sometimes the lady and I will sneak a "kinky" peek or two, adds to the fun in certain situations. This will occasionally lead to the aforementioned puppy-pile, many times it's been their first.....

For us it's really about playing it by ear. If a couple has strict guidelines, that's great with us, we're very accomadating and will follow to the letter.

If a couple tends to "leave the door ajar a little", well, we'll stick our heads in and see what developes. We're both great at reading people, and can retreat before anyone feels the least bit uncomfortable.

Not for everyone, we understand, but our relationship is rock-solid, and we have faith in one anothers ability to show our guests a good time...really, that's first and foremost in our encounters.

[WesternSwing 504]

We do same room, separate, and solo at times. There have been times I've been sitting in a hot tub and Mrs. WS wants to play with someone and asks me if she can, and being I'm content where I'm at I am all about her being where she wants to be too. So off she goes. I have to admit I like knowing she can have a good time, and I feel especially good because I know she is coming back to me.

 

I love to watch her though. That is a huge turn-on for me. But, sometimes being in separate rooms I think allows us to pay a bit more attention to the playmate we are with. I know that I end-up watching Mrs. WS in action allot, and therefore tend to slack a bit with the woman I'm with. Sometimes I just marvel at Mrs. WS and it's all I can to (and sometimes my playmate, too) not to watch her with another man. It really is a sight to behold. At least for me.

 

So, the short answer is: we are okay with however it goes down. In the end, we feel we are still in this together.

 

Mr. WS

[Ellcie 16]

We have done both....separate only with a couple we know well and trust.

I (f) prefer separate room for a number of reasons. I do not especially enjoy watching my husband with the other woman. It does not, in any way at all bother me, other then I find the sounds distracting. I might be totally engulfed in my play....feeling 'drunk'....without having drank.....and then the sounds snap me right out of it.....bummer .

I also find that I can let loose and be totally myself easier when it is one on one. Not that I hold back because of my husband, but one on one is much more personal, and a makes for a smaller audience, thus makes for a wilder me. The touching and play that, as a result, doesn't occur with my own spouse, I don't miss because I have him all the time at home. Also, in regards to the couple we are with at this time...the man performs better separate room, due to the lack of distraction. So that is a huge plus for me as well.

We trust each other completely and do not feel the need to have to keep our eyes on the other. Not that all same room couples feel that need, but I think many do. The first few times we would be with a new couple, I would prefer same room just to 'see what he's getting'....and to gain trust in the other couple.