How crude is too crude?

[Spoomonkey 421]

We aren't prudes - I think...

 

I mean, we are active swingers who feel like we have a pretty good grasp of the lifestyle, some wonderful friends and some awesome experiences. We don't play with the lights off or start every play date with prayer time... But still...

 

Are we too uptight about things?

 

We have a couple that we are good friends with and probably because they are comfortable with us, recently the husband started being extremely crude - always talking about sex in rather base terms. Here's an example:

 

Mrs Spoo and I are in our training for Spring races right now (going great!) and one of the things about that is a fairly regulated diet. We are over at their house and have brought our own snack - a 9:00 ration of yogurt and cereal (Kashi Go-Lean Crunch... Yum!).

 

"I can work you up some yogurt right here..." He said refering to masturbation...

 

To which both of us turned green and decided to wait a little while before eating our snack.

 

To us - that really is not sexy. It's gross. Needless to say, our visit that night was just to watch movies.

 

This couple is a lot of fun and really, really easy to get along with otherwise. For the longest time, they were respectful to the point of almost being shy. But, comfort has brought out that side of their personality and it is a big turn off for us. But, since they are wonderful friends, we are giving them room and a little slack.

 

Had they started out this way - we'd have never hooked up with them at all. We had a couple be this way at the club and interest went to "no way" quickly. The husband kept wanting to see Mrs Spoo' "Pooter" in exchange for some lame magic trick. I explained to him how the trick was done and that my wife doesn't even have a "pooter" - whatever the hell that is.

 

Now - we have a single guy who we have been talking to. Seems like a great guy, but his last PM to us ended with the line, "can't wait to meet you two and hopefully MEAT you too! LOL!"

 

Ick... *shudder*... Why? Just... why???

 

I am not used to guys my age acting that juvenile. I told him that we were going to write off his PM as being written while drunk - and we'll see how things go... But what a turn off.

 

Anyway - are we prudes? Is this just something we are going to have to learn to live with? I have talked to people about some of the most disgusting things - I can't put my finger on it except maybe for juvenile - but some things ("yogurt", "MEAT", "pooter") just make my skin crawl.

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - I did have a playmate once with whom I had this running joke about eating poop. But for some reason, as gross as the jokes were, the context made it funny. And anyone who knows us knows we aren't exactly Mormon-esque. So - I don't think that is the problem...

[spectraschain 21]

Spectra & I concur....we've never found those types of remarks amusing.

 

I, in fact, find it a bit disrespectful when directed at Spectra.

 

Granted, at times it seems a nervous guy might say something crude as a ill-directed ice-breaker...we can over look that.

 

As our profile states, we like people that are well-spoken.

 

Remaining well-spoken after you are comfortable with us means it wasn't an act.

[Mrs.PaganLovers 15]

Spoo, I am with ya on this one. In fact, if you want me to go away very quickly...be crude.

 

I find that this kind of talk will turn me off in a heartbeat, and I put in down to disrepect, ignorance and signs of a lower intelligent life form. I do not understand men that believe this kind of talk is stimulating to a women. Ok, maybe some women it is, I don't happen to be one of them.

 

If these people are friends of yours, I would pull him aside and let them know how both of you feel about that kind of talk, that it's a major turn off. If they have any respect for you and want to continue to play, then I am sure they will respect your wishes.

 

By the way, when are the races down here??

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

[Thrax 384]

...The husband kept wanting to see Mrs Spoo' "Pooter" in exchange for some lame magic trick...

Maybe he wanted to find out if it's a Mac rather than a PC?

 

Thrax

[aahours1 16]

This guy has no class. Even though you are friends with them, You need to tell him enough is enough. Stop the crude jokes and or suggestions. That it is NOT FUNNY. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to stop with the crude remarks or that you and the misses will have to stop seeing them. POINT BLANK AND BLUNT. Some people do not understand till you are.

[tribbles 490]

It's bugging you....tell him.

 

Depending on my mood, I might find it funny....same as you did with scat at one time.

MOST things like that tickle my funny bone and don't turn me off. Sometimes they do.

If they do, I would just tell them it's hitting me 'wrong' and not funny for me at this time so cool it.

 

S

[intuition897 2,180]

Nah, you're not prudes. You just know how to discern between classy-sexy-funny and crude puns. Some people don't. Unfortunately.

[bncforfun 15]

We are the same way.

 

Recently the female member of a couple we were talking to decided that it would be sexy to tell us exactly what she had in mind to do when we played. While that can be interesting if done the right way, she was graphic and crude about it.

 

We talked about it together later and determined that it was my job to talk to them and let them know that this didn't turn us on. In fact it had the absolute opposite result. The problem is that these two are wonderful people and actually fairly interesting otherwise. We are now building back to the point where we once were.

 

Good luck with this one Spoo!!

[Thrax 384]

Spoo,

If one of your and Mrs. Spoo’s favorite movies – or at least one you’ve referenced a lot -- is American Pie, and you apparently get nekkid with other people, then, no, I wouldn’t consider you prudes! But everyone has limits…

 

Social interaction (vanilla or swinging) can be a minefield. Add attempts at humor – crude or not -- to the conversational mix with people one hasn’t known for a long time, or just doesn’t know very well, and every step can be potential disaster.

 

I admire the fact that you will give the “yogurt guy” couple and the “Meat” single male another chance. Sometimes when people feel comfortable with others they inadvertently overstep boundaries (some they might not be aware of) in an innocent effort to fit in. Maybe the yogurt guy talks that way to his wife in private, or it has worked in other swing relationships, so he feels comfortable enough to use it with you two. Or maybe he really is a bit of jerk. Maybe the single male is new to MFMs, or maybe the couples he has encountered before responded to the innuendo of a little juvenile wordplay. Or maybe he really is a loser. I don’t know their situations. However, if you two don’t appreciate their crudeness, they might (hopefully) be embarrassed to find this out, if told in a reasonable way, and might temper their behavior so everyone can proceed comfortably.

 

So my suggestion for your dealings with the yogurt guy is for you to politely pull him aside at some point, tell him how much you and Mrs. Spoo like them, etc., and then tell him about this one concern you have. If you do it in a nicely sincere way, and he’s offended, then you have your answer regarding whether they really are a couple you want to play with. If you tell him and he agrees to change, then you have another answer. And, from what you say, you’d be hoping for him to change this one minor thing so everything would be copacetic. Pretty much the same thing with the single guy, actually, I guess.

 

As for guys your age (or even my age, y'know, the older ones) acting juvenile, well, I guess it depends on who you run around with, who they act juvenile around, and exactly how it's done. Would I mimic Beavis and/or Butthead's, "Heh...she said 'ass'!," in every social situation? No, I wouldn't. Honest. But do I think it is almost ROFL-funny in some "adult" situations? Hell, yes! (And I'm not one say "Hell" very often, either.)

 

Whatever, let your playmates or potential playmates know how you feel, and if they can adjust, then fine. If not, make 'em history. This swingin' stuff is supposed to be fun.

 

Good luck,

Thrax

[Cpl2share 147]

What's the word I am looking for here? Limits. That's it. Crudity, IMHO is not necessarily a sign of lower intellegence as another person stated. We have friends that enjoy a crude joke or comment. We have some that we speak only clear concise and "educated" language with. It is not a matter of "low IQ" unless someone has trouble determining when it is appropriate. I happen to have a very above average IQ, if I degenerate into "gutter" language it is always only when I am speaking with others that are receptive to that language. It would appear that the man in question has trouble delineating between what is and is not appropriate. He would appear to be someone who has trouble figuring out that there is a difference between having sex with someone and "fucking" them. For us it would be a matter of determining if we - I said we- felt that he was being disrespectful or trying to be funny. If he is trying to be funny a simple polite "we are a bit offended by the jokes" will suffice. If that does not work, he will never "get it" and it would be the correct time to move on. If he is unable or unwilling to respect your desire to have him watch what he says in front of you, can you trust him to watch what he says while on his luch break? ie. "I was doin Mrs. Spoo in the bedroom and Mr. Spoo was doing my wife in the kitchen."

[spectraschain 21]

If he is unable or unwilling to respect your desire to have him watch what he says in front of you, can you trust him to watch what he says while on his luch break?

 

Excellent point. Spectra and I are by no means perfect, and we are far from judging others on what they do or say...

 

Given that, your willingness to adapt to what we deem appropriate speaks of who you are, and how we perceive you...we, in turn, make every effort to read you and dissertain what you like or dislike.

[ohash01 20]

*Meh* I don't think you're prude. Trust me - even on here you've had your VERY un-prudish moments.

 

But I understand where you're coming from. I've gotten to the age where I can't even crack a little smile anymore when ridiculous comments like that come up. I don't want body parts or fluids to be referred to as any kind of food product (EX: penis = meat, cum = yogurt) Gross. I happen to enjoy eating and don't want that spoiled.

 

My only explanation for behavior like that is that they're trying to get your attention. It's like the kid who isn't getting enough attention...they do something naughty and innappropriate just to rock the boat a bit.

[sexyshelby 19]

I think it has a lot to do with your mood at the time, the setting, and the circumstances. At least with me it does. Childish, silly humour is funny at times, but completely inappropriate at others.

 

I know with my boyfriend, he used to have a habit of making these type of jokes at the wrong times. Then he got "the look" and quickly learned that this is not the right time. Just a few minutes ago, he made a joke about orgasming, which normally wouldn't have bothered me at all. But because its early in the morning, I'm about to go to work, I'd rather be in bed sleeping for another 2 or 3 hours, and therefore I'm slightly grumpy, I was annoyed.

 

However, the "meat" type comment, that would bug me no matter what my mood was.

 

~SS

[lovinher 505]

It would bug me too. I wouldn't talk that way to a woman......unless she wanted me too! It's not too hard to tell when that is appropriate. It bugs me a bit when somebody talks that way to lovinhim out of the situations context. Circumstances are everything though. I can think of situations where it might be just be part of the play. But from what your described it was inappropriate at the time.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I don't think you are prudes. It's poor taste to make crude remarks like that. I have a couple people I see at family reunions that are like that and it just comes off very well, you nailed it...crude.

 

I am not sure how to approach the situation, I'd either make some sort of remark right after he said it, or pull him aside for a one on one. Either works.

 

Mr. Truelove

[BradAndJanet 70]

Maybe he wanted to find out if it's a Mac rather than a PC?

 

Thrax

You beat me to it, dude...

 

Real classy people you've got there, Mr. Spoo. :rollseyes Sophomoric is the word for that. About 16 years old. I guess he never outgrew that kind of 'humor'.

 

-B

[carlos_pchot 16]

Hello there, I think you're ok, no mistake, if it's a big turn off for both of you tell them!! it's the best way to handle it, giving them slack, it's no good, there are a thin line between being funny and being stupid, so it's easy to get there and don't realize it, they're still your friends and should have enough confidence to tell them that you don't like that kind of treatment to you.

Maybe they can do it with other people and find it amusing, but they must respect your feelings and that's it.

Take care

[JustAskJulie 2,596]

I think it has a lot to do with your mood at the time, the setting, and the circumstances. At least with me it does. Childish, silly humour is funny at times, but completely inappropriate at others.

 

 

Ditto, and in both cases I could see where they may be a context it would be ok in. I mean come on Spoo... I could totally see you saying you wanted to "meat" me...yeah...come on ...admit it...lol. Seriously, though, the context in both of those cases was bad. Let's see I'm just about to take a bite of my yogurt when someone gives me the visual of them jerking off into a cup and handing it to me with a spoon....um... nope not working for me on any level. Not making me hungry or horny and I definately don't want that spoon. Ok, I take it back I can't find a context where that comment works... But back to the "Meat" comment. I can deal with that one coming from someone that I've already met and even moreso from someone I've already MET or want to MEAT.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I mean come on Spoo... I could totally see you saying you wanted to "meat" me...yeah...come on ...admit it...lol.

 

I do wake up with that thought on a daily basis, sure... But I don't recall ever sending you a PM about it. I guess I should have. Now I've ruined the surprise

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - MrsPaganLovers - the race in your neck of the woods is in August

[LFM2 1,484]

I think it has a lot to do with your mood at the time, the setting, and the circumstances. At least with me it does. Childish, silly humour is funny at times, but completely inappropriate at others.

 

~SS

 

I have to agree with SS. It depends on my mood at the time, how well I know the other person, and can he really pass off a comment like that and make it sound witty?

 

I can seriously picture in my mind Mr. LFM saying something like the yogurt comment to me in his quest to be funny (and he is) and I'd be all over him, but to have someone else say the same thing is like -- well that's just plain disgusting -- I'm sure I'd gag. I also know Mr. LFM well enough to know he would never say that to someone else. I also think he'd be mortified to hear it from someone else referring to us.

 

We also get initial e-mails from single men who make some off color comment and that is the immediate turn-off. He might be wonderful, he might be the best lover, but that one little, teeny-tiny disrespectful comment in his e-mail is enough for us to delete his e-mail without replying.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

Here's the thing about "cum and meat us". It's cute the first time you read or hear it. It is really, really tired the 2,345,568th time.

[singleagain 26]

I tried not to weigh in on this one...but...oh well...here goes.

 

Words mean everything. Perfectly innocent words like "meat" used in their usual context have no sexual meaning at all. When they become crude is when used to impress others with one's (so called) wit or sexual prowress. There are times when I am with a lady or a couple that using the more vulgar terms for sexual activity are just what everyone wants to hear. It can actually add to the excitement of the play time. But to use such vulgarities simply to gain attention or to impress shows a complete lack of class. One of the most classy people I ever played with was a prim and proper lady who was never one to use the lower forms of English until in the throes of passion she would scream out to her husband and me "O God, I'm cumming...fuck me harder." And we would...

[NewFrontier 15]

I can completely see where you're coming from here. You're not prude, at least i don't think so. The first time I had sex with hubby, (we'd met several times, but didnt really know eachother very well..., damn he's hot!) we were naked, basking in the afterglow, and talking about something can't remember what, he replied to my statement, "hey whatever turns your dress up". He was grinning and playfully joking, but I was kinda repelled by that, especially after turning my dress up for the first time.

 

I said, "wow thats a really crass thing to say" we kept talking and didnt miss a beat. A couple minutes later I saw him wiping his forehead in angst, he was really worried that he'd totally blew it, and said so. Well, 11 years later here we are.

 

I often wish that I could be that honest with swingers we've been with. I think that may have established boundaries. Recently after regretfully sharing with a couple that my "friend" was in town and we couldn't play, their reply was to call my period a bitch. I had friends that called eachother bitch and hoochie and it always seemed so ignorant, hearing play partners call me that, just rubs me the wrong way. Even though we fucked, we just don't know eachother that well.

[clutch 28]

While most of us have an aptitude of humor, we can get off the successful joke, or we will laugh at most things funny or sublime, we are not all naturally funny.

 

I truly, truly envy those men and women who can say just about ANYTHING and it's funny. I try to say the same things in a different setting and no one laughs. My wife says, "Honey, I love you, but you just don't have IT."

 

I point out that we both laughed when HE said it. She says, "I know, but he has that magical IT."

 

I so wish I had whatever that IT is. But alack! I don't. So I don't try to pull off any out-of-the-normal humor. It sounds like your friend doesn't have that magical IT either, but just hasn't realized the fact yet.

[curiousagain 326]

One of the most classy people I ever played with was a prim and proper lady who was never one to use the lower forms of English until in the throes of passion she would scream out to her husband and me "O God, I'm cumming...fuck me harder." And we would...

 

 

That's a good point that something that is perfect in one context is crude and out of place in another. We all stumble sometimes in defining when the right moment is.

 

I must confess that I watch a couple of hunting shows. And a husband and wife team host one of them. Now, she's pretty cute and yeah, that's probably one reason I watch it. To get to the point, one of their recent shows was about a group hunt which included several men who are currently very popular and successful in the music field. Now these guys have looks, money, fame, success, women throwing panties on the stage, the whole nine yards. But what I was laughing about nearly the whole time the show was on was that any time any of them got around her they reverted to the 8th grade. It was a huge lesson in humanity and men/women relations. She had them all twisted around her little finger with a smile. They all would become shy, stammering, gawking, rib poking, beavis and butthead snickering little boys in her presence. So, sometimes when guys are crude around a woman I think it’s because the hormones take over and they become “tards” with no social skills. You know, two heads, one brain. It's not easy. Is this a reason or an excuse? I’m not sure, but it happens. Just let’m know when it does and maybe they’ll watch their step next time.

[funrealcouple 15]

Disclaimer: I tend to use the word "you" and we alot.

"You" is my way of saying "anyone in general" not directed at a certain "post or poster" and "we" is my wife and I.

 

We have been through alot of this and get very put off by it.

Even to the point of thinking it might work for us with a couple,

only for me to go to the bathroom,while we were out, and have the husband say something crude about me wife.

My wife isn't a whore, a slut, a fuckbunny, a piece of ass or a cocksucker.

This isn't the construction zone, we are grown-ups here.

This is like a regular vanilla date.

Would someone say that to their wife (then girlfriend) on a first date??

Or 2nd 3rd or ever?

We approach everything lifestyle based, the same way we approach normal interaction with people.

Intelligent conversaion, no crude comments etc.

We are definitely not saint's and may have even been crude a time or 2, but that was after we knew a couple a good long time and knew the boundries.

Whatever gave some the idea that because a person/persons is in the lifestyle that they are to be treated like a piece of meat?

If that's your thing fine, but in general it won't be.

We are a little unsusual though, we have never been into the actual "lifestyle" as most percieve it.

If you are out and we meet you, by accident, we are going to say Hi and ask you how the kids are, how you've been etc.

We have met people that have told us "if you see us out, we won't talk to you".

As to which we break off all contact.

We are not interested in that type of relationship.

I do have an ornery streak though,

Half of me wanted to post some nasty crude comment to try to get someone to spit coffee all over their monitor, but instead I showed restraint

 

FRC

[ClosetCase 15]

Mrs Spoo and I are in our training for Spring races right now (going great!) and one of the things about that is a fairly regulated diet. We are over at their house and have brought our own snack - a 9:00 ration of yogurt and cereal (Kashi Go-Lean Crunch... Yum!).

 

"I can work you up some yogurt right here..." He said refering to masturbation...

 

To which both of us turned green and decided to wait a little while before eating our snack.

 

To us - that really is not sexy. It's gross. Needless to say, our visit that night was just to watch movies.

 

I'm actually eating that Kashi crunch right now. 13g of protein per cup, man . I agree though, if I was swinging and a guy said something like that, I'd feel like I was dealing with some kids.. no matter their age. When I imagine swinging or allowing my wife with another guy, the idea and mood is completely killed if they aren't real or still talking like they are in high school. Slang would be a huge turn off as well which would destroy any possibility for me. Suffice it to say, if Master P wanted to swing, I don't care how many luxurious perks there would be, they would have to be somewhat grown up acting and sounding for me to take them seriously and feel comfortable.

 

I know I'm not a prude for just wanting some maturity, and neither are you.

 

Had they started out this way - we'd have never hooked up with them at all. We had a couple be this way at the club and interest went to "no way" quickly. The husband kept wanting to see Mrs Spoo' "Pooter" in exchange for some lame magic trick. I explained to him how the trick was done and that my wife doesn't even have a "pooter" - whatever the hell that is.

 

Pooter?.. what? That is the worst..word..ever. I haven't heard that in years, seriously, and when it was said it was by some Beavis n Butthead fanboy and reject in high school back in 95. Not the kind of guy I'd ever want to do something like this with.. not even close That's funny though.

Now - we have a single guy who we have been talking to. Seems like a great guy, but his last PM to us ended with the line, "can't wait to meet you two and hopefully MEAT you too! LOL!"

 

Ick... *shudder*... Why? Just... why???

 

I'm wondering if he was just nervous and trying to break the ice by pressuring a dumb joke. I'd definitely hear the record scratch on the player from a comment like that, but if it was isolated then that isn't necessarily so bad. Maybe he is new and a lame joke like that seemed like a good ice breaker? Anyways, still possible to salvage I think.

 

Anyway - are we prudes? Is this just something we are going to have to learn to live with? I have talked to people about some of the most disgusting things - I can't put my finger on it except maybe for juvenile - but some things ("yogurt", "MEAT", "pooter") just make my skin crawl.

 

No, those are all nasty words. Another word I have a problem with is 'nut'. If someone said they wanted to nut, to bust a nut, to do anything that requires 'nutting' I'd be turned off so fast viagra wouldn't help me. That's just another word I'd add to the list.. but yeah this is definitely a pet peeve of mine and it sounds like it is for many others. You want to know your wife/fiance/girlfriend/whatever is in good hands with a man who actually comes off like a man and not a boy. Surely, it's not too much to ask.

[bigjoehd 26]

We dont care how sexy people are when it come's to filthy & crude comments,i cant take it & the lil misses is even quicker to pull the plug when the conversation drifts off into obscenities.

 

Here's one for ya! A few years back we were playing with our then regular couple when the male of the couple announced " OH YEAH!!!!!!! TAKE MY LOAD!!!! WTF was that all about,not only did she not take his 'load' she got up & left the room,ruined the whole evening for all of us & after that things were never the same,we wasted no time breaking it off with them.I dont think your being a prude,nasty comments turn alot of people off.

 

I think some people just watch way too much porno,people dont talk like that in real life......do they?

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think some people just watch way too much porno,people dont talk like that in real life......do they?

 

I think that a lot of the folks are right - there is a time and a place where just about anything might be acceptable. The key is knowing the people you are with and not crossing those boundaries too soon...

 

And yes - there are people who act way too much like the last porno they watched. :rollseyes

 

The good news is, we have good friends who don't do that, so swinging still works quite well for us

 

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

I'm actually eating that Kashi crunch right now. 13g of protein per cup, man .

 

You know what is really pathetic?

 

Without going downstairs to the cupboard, I know that what you have is Kashi Go Lean. I have Kashi Go Lean Crunch. How do I know? The Crunch has 9g of protein per serving and the regular Go Lean has 13g.

 

I need a new hobby

 

Spoomonkey

[sexyshelby 19]

I need a new hobby

Are you refering to swinging or memorizing nutrition labels?

 

~SS

I also love Kashi Go Lean & Crunch & all of it! facelick

[ClosetCase 15]

You know what is really pathetic?

 

Without going downstairs to the cupboard, I know that what you have is Kashi Go Lean. I have Kashi Go Lean Crunch. How do I know? The Crunch has 9g of protein per serving and the regular Go Lean has 13g.

 

I need a new hobby

 

Spoomonkey

 

 

That's funny, I do have the Lean don't I. I actually just look at the protein content on labels. I'm a protein nut and because I have a great metabolism I don't have to worry about fat, carbs or whatever else. I eat plenty and burn it all off.. only worry is vitamins and if I eat enough protein.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Are you refering to swinging or memorizing nutrition labels?

 

That'd be my addiction to reading nutrition labels...

 

Swinging - well, I don't have that all memorized yet. I have a few dream girls I'd still like to meet

 

And - come to think about it - I still have a few dream girls that I have met that I wouldn't mind meeting again... And again...

 

Spoomonkey

[ohash01 20]

*momentary threadjack*

 

God I LOVE that stuff. It is so tasty. About a year ago I had gotten to my pudgiest, pushing almost 200lbs...which is NOT okay for a 5'7 gal. So, I started eating better and that included a bowl of Kashi every morning for breakfast. I don't credit it to the Kashi, because I worked my ass off, but I'm back down to a pleasantly curvy 165 and I STILL eat that stuff. Haha.

 

*back to topic*

[Spoomonkey 421]

*momentary threadjack*

 

God I LOVE that stuff. It is so tasty. About a year ago I had gotten to my pudgiest, pushing almost 200lbs...which is NOT okay for a 5'7 gal. So, I started eating better and that included a bowl of Kashi every morning for breakfast. I don't credit it to the Kashi, because I worked my ass off, but I'm back down to a pleasantly curvy 165 and I STILL eat that stuff. Haha.

 

*back to topic*

 

It is like cheat food isn't it...

 

Sorry...

 

Caught up in the thread jack. Every night I have a 1/4 cup of that with some yogurt. It is pretty damn good.

 

Spoomonkey