Grossed out, and maybe even burned out?

[WildHogs 15]

We are members of this board, but using a different name for this post just in case anybody in this story may happen to read here.

 

We went to a house party at the home of a couple we have gotten to know somewhat (lifestyle circles) but haven't been intimate with. They seem like very friendly and fun people. Very social.

 

When we got there, several young kids were there. The parents of these kids and the kids are relatives of the host couple. We hear that they won't be there very long. Okay - weird they're there at all, but - okay. The parents of the kids know about their relative's/host's activities. The party goes on. People are drinking. People getting rowdier, and still waiting for kids to leave - but acting up enough that we WildHogs feel creepy about this whole thing. Someone's shirt comes off out in the yard where the kids are playing (somewhat blocked from kids view by more sober people). Ick.

 

Inside the house, 2 women take off tops and are posing for the host, who is snapping pics of them. Kids are trying to get in the glass door at that moment. We WildHogs stand against the glass door to keep them out at that moment and block their view. (Host knows that his young relatives are trying to get in but he keeps snapping pics.) ICK. Still, we are told that kids are about to leave any minute. Feeling creepy, but we decide to stay a little longer and maybe the creepy cloud over this party will lift.

 

Kids sent home to be by themselves (live nearby) but parents, who are drunk now, are staying. Party gets rowdier, but we WildHogs just are not catching the vibe this night. The drunkest chick there (first one with no top), appears to have a big herpes breakout on her mouth. ICK - and she's trying to kiss everybody.

 

Everybody in the house goes into the one room where smoking is allowed. Imagine 20 smokers all lighting up at the same time, and we two who seem to be the only non-smokers there trying to blend in and be social, but leaving very frequently for oxygen. Another obstacle for breaking this mood. (It seems like the ratio of smokers in this lifestyle is far higher than the ratio in the general population.)

 

Start talking to one nice couple outside of that room who also seemed to be coming up for air. Learned they are non-smokers, also. They're attractive. Start talking... then, drunk people butt in on us and break up the conversation. Next thing we know, drugs are brought out and served up on a platter. Mom and Dad (parents of those little kids) are now getting stoned on top of getting drunk.

 

As soon as we see this, it's over. We leave (politely make excuses).

 

We are so grossed out. It just seems like many of the lifestlyle people we meet are skanky like the characters in this story. Maybe our standards are too high. Maybe we want too much and are unrealistic. Maybe we just don't fit in.

 

Maybe swinging isn't for us?

 

Do any of you ever get to these grossed-out moments in swinging and wonder the same things? Do you ever feel like you're just burned out on the whole thing when things happen that really turn you off, making you not wish to keep meeting people like this? Do you take breaks when this happens, or is this when you simply quit?

 

Thanks for listening. advice is welcome.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

ICK! And I don't blame you for leaving, I think I would have been out of there a lot earlier. Swinger party... what are kids doing here? An hour later, still kids there... um Kids on their own right are enough to put me in a bad mood... but I get really annoyed at people who aren't responsible when there are kids around.

 

I had an experience several years ago with a couple that this reminds me of. They had 2 or 3 kids, one old enough to know what's going on. One day they invited us out on their boat, COOL! The kids are there...um... well ok. I'm behaving to my utmost and trying to not be the least bit "swingerish" and the mom is on the other side of the boat flashing us her boob while the kids are swimming around the boat!

[flkeyscouple 21]

I agree with you - that scenario would have grossed me out too. I think, if a polite way was available, I'd have left as soon as I realized the kids were staying. But I could see me staying and thinking the same as you too - I just HOPE that I would have left!

 

We've NEVER been put into the position you were put in. I think you handled things as well as many would have.

 

I agree with the number of smokers in this lifestyle too - I'm a 'reformed' smoker (it's been 20 years!!!) and my hubby has never smoked. We've been forced outside to breathe a time or two also. BUT.. we put up with the extensive smoking because we enjoy the lifestyle.

 

After a few weeks look back on this situation and see if you are still thinking 'burn out' instead of 'gross out'. Things should be in perspective by then!

 

Good luck.

 

Mrs. FLKeys

[Chicup 41]

I think its picking well who you decide to hang out with.

 

We have only met one couple in the lifestyle who smokes because we mostly screen for it, and the type of people we are interested in tend to be non-smokers.

 

I think the smoking thing you are seeing is more of the party-hard crowd (obviously from the drugs). That GROUP will smoke far more than average, regardless of if they swing or not.

 

The kid thing is just awful on all counts.

 

I've YET to see drugs at a club we attend.

 

Oral herpes is very common but not the kinda thing that most people would be kissing with an outbreak.

 

Sounds like you found white trash swingers tbh.

 

P.S. This sounds like I would expect a 70's swingers party to be depicted in a movie, so I do hope this one isn't a troll (the topic de jour)

[spectraschain 21]

I do hope this one isn't a troll

Yeah, I hear ya...........

 

I can see the expression on Spectra's face. Oh shit, kids. ABOUT FACE!!!

 

They'd never miss us.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We have lots of kids and grandkids.... if we showed up at what was supposed to be a party for swingers and found kids we would have been out of there before anyone had a chance to close the door.

 

If your hosts don't use good common sense then you are left to yourself to do what you believe is right.

 

We also bail when anyone brings out the drugs. I have no problem with pot smokers but I don't desire to be around it.

 

BTW... the swingers parties in the 70's where not like described above.

 

There are people in all walks of life that don't have the sense god gave a rock and it seems you found a whole group of them in one night. Don't let that reflect on the Lifestyle. There is thousands of others out there that do not act that way. Not even in the trailer parks we visit.

[havefuninsun 122]

What horrible bad taste. Kids involved? KIDS???

 

The couples we have met have been kind, clean, respectable, and non-trashy. It does seem that there are a lot of smokers (from looking at profiles), but we screen for that. And the one couple we met who had one of the party's as a smoker was very respectful.

 

Sorry to hear about all of this -- I think (as it's been said) you may want to look for a new circle who better fits your desires.

[Chicup 41]

BTW... the swingers parties in the 70's where not like described above.

 

Which is why I said 'movie', I have no anticipation for accuracy in any media.

[mrs good times 73]

I know we would have left immediately upon seeing the kids so we would have missed out on the rest of the reasons you gave to leave. Drugs aren't something we see often in the lifestyle but there are a few people we avoid because of this also.

 

The herpes breakout on the lip is the one that reminded me of a party we were at once and a girl there had the same thing. I noticed it and avoided contact with her but when I saw her giving a guy a blow job on the living room couch I became grossed out and we left. It's amazing to me how uninformed most swingers really are.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Wow, if we had an experience like that early on in swinging, I might be scared off too.

 

I would think that would be far from the norm.

 

Mr. Truelove

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Do any of you ever get to these grossed-out moments in swinging and wonder the same things? Do you ever feel like you're just burned out on the whole thing when things happen that really turn you off, making you not wish to keep meeting people like this? Do you take breaks when this happens, or is this when you simply quit?

 

Thanks for listening. advice is welcome.

We only got that "grossed out" feeling once, and it was early on, soon after we began swinging. It may have been the second couple we met...ahhh, so long ago I can't remember. It wasn't anything as strange as what you experienced. I just remember Mr LM and I didn't want to see what was before us, it was as if it couldn't really be what it appears, could it? So we hung around until we just had to get out of there.

 

We didn't feel burnt-out at that point - we had just started down the swinging road and chalked it up to newbieness.

 

Now, three years later we come across periods of being less enthusiastic about swinging, but it's never because of anything I would describe as a "gross" aspect of swinging.

 

We've never formally taken breaks from swinging. The breaks come informally and unexpectedly.

 

LM

[subtoMistressT 22]

I would also have left in a heart beat. There is no room for kids and drugs when parents are involved. Thye should be arrested.

[MoonLightKiss 28]

Stick me in the ICK column with everyone else when it comes to kids being there. And these are probably the type of people that give swingers the reputation of pedophiles among the vanilla crowd. *shudders*

 

As far as the drugs...our first experience involved the other couple doing cocaine. We beat a path out of there so fast...well it was fast anyway. But that is for my own personal reasons. Like VegasLee, I am not anti-marijuana. In fact I did a college paper on it, and found it to be very helpful in certain situations if used moderately, but thats another topic altogether, and I don't wanna hijack your thread.

 

But you did the right thing, and KUDOS to you. You left. I would like to say I would have done an about face at the door before it closed, but like someone said before, I might have stayed a bit in the hopes that maybe someone's times got screwed up. But when the drinking and getting naked starts with children still around, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth. So you did the right thing.

[WesternSwing 504]

You were right to leave. And I'll go on record saying this is not the norm for swingers or swinger parties. In the years we've been swinging we've neither been to a party where kids were present, nor had sex with another couple in their home when kids were there. I think 99% of swingers feel the same way as we do about this.

 

I would almost venture that the host couple are more "fringe swingers" and are just throwing wild adult-type parties, not true swinger parties. Therefore they really do not know the score and are not exercising common sense.

 

Mr. WS

[blondie77 17]

ICK ick and more ick. You were so right to leave and I totally agree with everything that's been said. I wouldn't neccesarily see this as a reason to quit the lifestyle, however. These people aren't swingers in my book. They're irresponsible, drunk "trash" (pardon me) that don't have a clue what it is to be swingers. Real swingers respect other people, especially children!, and wouldn't condone partying THAT hard and having sex with anyone who came by. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see these people as being in the majority. I don't think you can possibly set your standards too high...what's right for you is right. These people obviously aren't. Those poor kids....hmmmm

[WildHogs 15]

We're not trolls. We've posted hundreds of times here under our regular name. We've been in the lifestyle for a few years. We've met a lot of people. We find a great many of them to be the kind of people we aren't that comfortable around. Somebody early on here said something about the party-hard types. That's what we mostly find, unfortunately. It's not that we don't like a party. We like fun. We think we are fun, but we are selective, we don't act like 'hos in front of the general public, we prefer to stay sober. A lot of the swingers we tend to meet aren't so much like this. When we meet the rare couple (maybe it's our area?) that we connect with, they're either fairly far away, or there's some other logistical problem.

 

Someone asked if the hosts were newbies. The couple who hosted the party have been in the lifestyle for many, many years. They are fairly new to our area but they have lifestyle friends from all over the country and beyond. They seem to basically live for this stuff. Their house reflects that. Nothing wrong with this. It was the situation with their young relatives who were there, and their very casual presentation of the drugs. Also, they seemed to be trying to get their guests drunk (most of these people are more than willing to get drunk with no help). :rollseyes The hosts were passing shooters around every 15-20 minutes and some were "just for the ladies". Seemed like they had a motive.

 

We knew or knew of some of the couples at that party. They are typical of who's on the adult websites around here. The host couple think of themselves as picky. Imagine who they left out, if they're picky? Most of them are what we would describe as "rode hard and put away wet". They were all lifestyle regulars. The only newbies there were that one non-smoking couple we got to talk to briefly.

 

We quit dating through the profiles awhile back. We were tired of the blind dates, wasting all that money and a night out just to meet people we'd rather not have. We have met a few people we really enjoyed that way, and we're still in touch with them, but overall it's a crappy and inefficient way to meet people.

 

Lee, thanks for your perceptiveness that my post is real, and that swingers such as who we run into (all too often) most definitely do exist. In fact, they thrive.

 

If at least half of the swingers we meet were like the people who post regularly on this board, we would think we were in hog heaven. As it is, I'd say that people who conduct themselves in a classy manner, are interesting to get to know (to us), and are attractive (to us) are less than 10% of what's available to us. Probably less than 5%. They are very hard to find.

 

We're tired.

 

Is our experience unusual?

[prettylady 221]

Dog and I were planning on having drinks with a couple awhile back. You know just social at Tim's or something of the like (Tim hortons coffee shop). I told them I had my kids that friday. She said not problem, we can go to MrDonalds and the kids can play. I know she isn't ignorant or stupid, I also know that it was vanilla, with no sex talk at all, just get to know you stuff. But even that made me uncomfortable. I said no and we planned to meet another day. If I had of been there, I would not have left. I probably would have taken the kids outside and kept them entertained until a real life adult with a maturity level came out and took them home. THEN I would have grabbed my coat and my Dog and headed out the door.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[WildHogs 15]

Hi.

 

Answering this part: "If I had of been there, I would not have left. I probably would have taken the kids outside and kept them entertained until a real life adult with a maturity level came out and took them home. THEN I would have grabbed my coat and my Dog and headed out the door."

 

This is kind of what happened with us. For a lot of the early part of this, because it felt way too weird to mix swinger party with kids present, I ended up playing ball in the yard outside with the kids. To be honest, it was the most fun I had at this party. They were sweet kids.

 

We had just come inside for a few minutes at the time of the topless picture-taking & women rubbing each other, followed by us blocking the little guys from seeing in the glass door. It was a knee-jerk reaction for us to look behind us and think about those kids when we saw what was going on. It bothered us a lot that their own family didn't seem to care as much about them.

 

Within a short time before we left, this is when we learned that (1) the kids were sent home alone, (2) the drugs came out, and (3) their parents were drunk and were about to get high, too. They had it in their hands as we were leaving. Unfortunately for those kids, "a real life adult with a maturity level" didn't materialize for them to take them home.

 

When we first arrived and saw the kids and asked about them, we were told they were leaving any minute (with their parents, we thought). That's pretty much why we stayed and tried to make the best of it, thinking that "any minute" this party would be changing gears and we could get more comfortable there. They kept repeating "any minute".

 

This is the first time we'd been at something like this with kids there. It took us by surprise. If we had known they would be there, we wouldn't have gone. We know of another group of people that do (or did) have combo family/swing events together on purpose, like cookouts, because (they said) it's hard to get babysitters. GAG We were actually invited once by that group and wouldn't go there if they were the last swingers on the planet.

 

About this: "She said not problem, we can go to MrDonalds and the kids can play. I know she isn't ignorant or stupid, I also know that it was vanilla, with no sex talk at all, just get to know you stuff. But even that made me uncomfortable."

 

That would have made us uncomfortable, too. We would have asked for a different time & place to meet, too.

[Chicup 41]

We avoid house parties as the pressure to play can be a lot more agressive than the clubs. If there are 30 couples its easier to blend and easier to escape than if there are 4 couples.

 

Are you going to find your share of white trash, drug users, mothers of the year (sarcastically), alcoholics, etc in swinging? You betcha. But you will also find people that are straight laced and upstanding. I once had a woman I know joke that if my life were a TV show it would be canceled because it would be too boring to watch, I just smiled and said something like 'you do have a point there' while laughing on the inside a bit.

 

The issue is it takes a LOT of time and luck to find couples that you really click with if you are not part of the hedonistic crowd. Yea couples dating sucks, yes the clubs can be a waste of time and money, but if you want to do it and don't want horror stories to post on the board, I think its the best way.

[AlaskanGrown 15]

Having kids present is wrong on quite a few levels. As a pot smoker I have to say that the hosts were lacking tact, brains, and respect if they did not advise their guests in advance that it may make an appearance.

 

These people just sound skeezy and unfortunately they're found in all walks of life. What you experienced was not normal.

[prettylady 221]

I figured from your OP that you were good people. I am glad to see that someone there cared more about the kids then the sex. Kudos to you my friend.

Your friend,

Prettlady

[TheDeal 117]

The people we have met so far have been unbelievably cool, intelligent and caring people. Of course, we still have not slept with anyone, but we are still trying to figure out where we fit in with all this.

 

I think the party would have been fun minus the kids just for the voyeuristic possibilities! It does sucketh that you all are having a hard time finding decent people. We are most consumed with that pursuit!

[LOL_OMG 130]

Interesting topic. I had an immediate response all typed out but my thoughts finally settled on the fact that there are all types of people out there. Certainly having children there was a bad bad idea, and horrible for those kids if things had gotten out of hand in their presence. Just lastnite I watched some news show that showed people getting their 5 year old high on pot. WTF.

 

The children being there and having drugs of any kind showed a great disrespect for those of you who were invited. I would have taken it personally. It does take being a bit discriminate with which invites to accept, we wouldn't have anything more to do with these people.

 

I also agree that a club is much less pressure than a house party, plus they generally have better ventillation for the smoking areas

 

Sounds like you're having a bit of bad luck meeting the right sort of ppl, of course deciding to quit is up to you...but there are good ones out there.

 

Mrs

[transplantdbrit 15]

Oh yes, I'm all for the "ick" response. Never in all the years we have been swinging have we run across anything quite like what you did. Now there were a couple of times that we felt uncomfortable in certain surroundings, but the best remedy was to just duck out of there. As far as drug use, I can't say we have run across that either, and the kid thing scares the hell out of me to be honest. I would have run for the proverbial hills!!!

 

Don't let this experience spoil the entire experience that the lifestyle has to offer. Just look at the responses you have about this issue, and you will see that it is NOT the normal and highly frowned upon by everyone that posted. Take care.

 

Transplantdbrit.

[clutch 28]

I am not anti-marijuana. In fact I did a college paper on it, and found it to be very helpful in certain situations

 

In high school, I did several papers on it.... or was it the other way around... I did it on several papers... whatever, man...

[hmr 25]

Unbelievable experience!! We would have been out of there in a heartbeat. Talk about a lack of respect for themselves and their kids. I'm sure in a few years you will here of these kids in the news and the parents saying, "We don't understand. We raised them right."

Fortunately we have not encountered the same and have been playing for about 9 years now. We absolutely will not play with children around, nor will we play with people who have drug problems. Yes, pot may be in a different catagory, but once hard drugs get involved we're gone. If they are that irresponsible about drugs, what about keeping safe? No thanks.

You did a wonderful thing by trying to shield the kids from their parents shenanigans, however in the long run, I'm sure they will be too well informed of what their parents do.

Mr hmr

[Guest MrsVan]

I have to agree with everyone else...Ick! I could not imagine having a party where I knew it was going to be a lifestyle party with my children around...We have had friends over who are in the lifestyle mixed with vanilla friends for cookouts, pool parties, etc with everyone's kids but there was nothing out of the norm at these parties where the kids would have seen something that they shouldnt. It was just a group of friends getting together and hanging out with no intentions of sex during the evening.

 

I think that if I saw that the kids were there I would have felt the same as you and kind of leary in being there. But if I noticed later in the evening that the kids still were not gone and things were getting out of hand, that is when I would have left as I would not have felt comfortable with that type of environment. I think that these people are paying too much attention to the lifestyle and not enough attention to their children. And I think they need to take a step back and look at what they are doing to their children.

 

We have been blessed during the year + that we have not ran into anyone like this or dealt with people who were not friendly. We have met many great people, some whom we have become great friends with and just wish they were closer than they are but I would not trade those moments at all. I just hope our luck doesn't run out.

 

MrsVan

[two_for_fun1027 15]

We are members of this board, but using a different name for this post just in case anybody in this story may happen to read here.

 

We went to a house party at the home of a couple we have gotten to know somewhat (lifestyle circles) but haven't been intimate with. They seem like very friendly and fun people. Very social.

 

When we got there, several young kids were there. The parents of these kids and the kids are relatives of the host couple. We hear that they won't be there very long. Okay - weird they're there at all, but - okay. The parents of the kids know about their relative's/host's activities. The party goes on. People are drinking. People getting rowdier, and still waiting for kids to leave - but acting up enough that we WildHogs feel creepy about this whole thing. Someone's shirt comes off out in the yard where the kids are playing (somewhat blocked from kids view by more sober people). Ick.

 

Inside the house, 2 women take off tops and are posing for the host, who is snapping pics of them. Kids are trying to get in the glass door at that moment. We WildHogs stand against the glass door to keep them out at that moment and block their view. (Host knows that his young relatives are trying to get in but he keeps snapping pics.) ICK. Still, we are told that kids are about to leave any minute. Feeling creepy, but we decide to stay a little longer and maybe the creepy cloud over this party will lift.

 

Kids sent home to be by themselves (live nearby) but parents, who are drunk now, are staying. Party gets rowdier, but we WildHogs just are not catching the vibe this night. The drunkest chick there (first one with no top), appears to have a big herpes breakout on her mouth. ICK - and she's trying to kiss everybody.

 

Everybody in the house goes into the one room where smoking is allowed. Imagine 20 smokers all lighting up at the same time, and we two who seem to be the only non-smokers there trying to blend in and be social, but leaving very frequently for oxygen. Another obstacle for breaking this mood. (It seems like the ratio of smokers in this lifestyle is far higher than the ratio in the general population.)

 

Start talking to one nice couple outside of that room who also seemed to be coming up for air. Learned they are non-smokers, also. They're attractive. Start talking... then, drunk people butt in on us and break up the conversation. Next thing we know, drugs are brought out and served up on a platter. Mom and Dad (parents of those little kids) are now getting stoned on top of getting drunk.

 

As soon as we see this, it's over. We leave (politely make excuses).

 

We are so grossed out. It just seems like many of the lifestlyle people we meet are skanky like the characters in this story. Maybe our standards are too high. Maybe we want too much and are unrealistic. Maybe we just don't fit in.

 

Maybe swinging isn't for us?

 

Do any of you ever get to these grossed-out moments in swinging and wonder the same things? Do you ever feel like you're just burned out on the whole thing when things happen that really turn you off, making you not wish to keep meeting people like this? Do you take breaks when this happens, or is this when you simply quit?

 

Thanks for listening. advice is welcome.

 

Too new to be burned out. But, it's obvious these guys are skanky and trashy. What you're describing is abuse, honestly. Anyone that would put their children in a potentially sexual environment needs help. I mean that sincerely - they're outta control.

 

This situation has too many variables, if you think about it... Potential mental and emotional damage of children, #1.

 

I'm glad you're not like them. And, there's tons of us that aren't either. Don't give up hope - we're out there.

 

Chin up!

 

We're all here for ya

[ClosetSwinger 112]

yUCK. I agree that's totally gross. The kid thing would have freaked me out and we would have left too.

 

So far we have not run into people that do drugs in hte lifestyle and I hope it stays that way.

[hippykid 40]

i probly shouldent read some horrible posts on my first day exploring kids drugs and herpes? thats all horrible kinda makes me scared a little

[SecretAsianMan 348]

I've only HEARD about "horror-story" incidents like this one occuring in the lifestyle ... and it saddens me to know that those days aren't "long past" or gone by the way of the dodo-bird.

 

While I do think it's within everyone's rights to raise their own kids as they see fit (maybe they're the kind of folk that believe that sex shouldn't be hidden from their kids - I dunno, I can't speak for them)... I certainly wouldn't want to include kids in any kind of "adult-party" regardless if it was a swing-event or not.

 

(I get a bit twitchy when I see adults letting themselves get DRUNK in front of kids - much less getting high or having sex)

 

The best I would hope you got out of that situation was - maybe the contact info for the couple that you DID find a good connection with ... and these folks can serve as an example of "what-not-to-do" EVER

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Maybe swinging isn't for us?

Seems to me you might simply need a new set of swinging acquaintances. Most of what you describe in your story is outside of the norm.

 

~Michael

[Miss Sunshine 29]

Once the kids showed up, party over. I have heard similar stories and stories where a party went on while the kids were awake and upstairs. Not for me.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

i probly shouldent read some horrible posts on my first day exploring kids drugs and herpes? thats all horrible kinda makes me scared a little

 

 

Well, as another poster noted, the experience related here is far from the norm. It's good to be informed of potential dangers, as with any activity. So, in that sense it's good. But, you shouldn't necessarily say swinging sucks because there's dangers. There's very serious danger driving to the grocery store.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here---Don't play pool at a place called Mom's, don't eat at a place called Pop's and do not swing with kids around.

 

This is why resorts can be great or parties where you are much more familiar with the hosts and the environment. I have to admit, we are not good at improvising an evening or having 'faith' in people we do not know well that are also hosts. Your mileage may vary.

[WonderWhat 166]

This is why we never go to a private house party without previously knowing the hosts, or at least two or three of the invited couples.

 

We always meet people for the first time either at lifestyle clubs, or at public places for meet & greets or for first dates. Only once we're comfortable with them do we accept invites to private homes.

 

I think that's why we haven't had these kinds of unsavory experiences.

[Meetussoon 68]

We have been fortunate enough to make very close friends in the lifestyle. With those couples we have been invited to family events, BBQ, etc., with all sorts of kids and family present, but it was well known it was a family event, so no play, flashing, groping or even obvious flirting was considered.

 

Tom