Who makes the first move when you're at someone's house?

[prettylady 221]

When you are invited to visit someone's house, who makes the first move?

 

Dog and I went to this couples house a few weeks ago. We played pool all night. It was clear as air that the plan was to play, but hour after hour, we just kept playing pool. Dog tried to move things along by making a strip game of it. Down to no cloths and still nothing? Finally Dog got up put his hand out for the mrs. to take then finally things moved along. We went into their "playroom" and started to play...with our own partners. Then moved onto playmates. What then struck me as strange we only did oral. At no point did the other couple show interest in sex. We new about their rules, but none stated no intercourse. We then hung out and chatted for awhile. Finally at 5am Dog and I left. I was over the top tired and had to work in just a few short hours, so did Dog.

 

I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone else's house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyone's, but first time?

 

What do you all think? Still new and feeling things out here.

[Alura 2,774]

"First Moves" always seemed uncomfortable to us, no matter who makes them.

 

We like to "evolve" into playing. By that I mean that the evening should proceed in stages, similar to the body language pattern that seems common in dating. The first step toward intimacy is generally holding hands, followed by an interlacing of fingers, a hug, a kiss, and you're on your way. It's important that no step be made out of order.

 

We've found swingers are quick to hug upon arrival if they have sex in mind. In that case, hold hands immediately after the hug, then interlace fingers. If that is met with enthusiasm, a kiss is natural, even expected.

 

Earlier play means earlier to bed and more alert at work the next day. For ol' married folks like ourselves, that spells the difference between a successful evening and one we wish we hadn't had.

 

Mr. Alura

[The Fuse 1,012]

Argh... that is so frustrating. I feel for you and Dog! We had an experience this weekend where we were up way too late, but nothing really happened. That was a slightly different situation and I've already moaned about it elsewhere.

 

But to answer your question, I wouldn't much care whether we were in our own house, the other couples' house, a club, a hotel, or on a beach... if I want to know, I can't keep myself from just asking directly. Subtlety be damned, it's just not in my nature to hold back. You never know -- they might have been wondering the same thing, going nuts because they couldn't remember whether you are a soft-swap couple!

 

At the very least, I'm sure they would be flattered if you asked... after all, you were playing, so they liked you. It's so easy to say this while I'm not in your shoes... so feel free to ignore me.

[2TexasTornados 16]

I'm glad to read that other people have this issue! I find it really frustrating to stress over who's going to make a move, and should I or DH say anything or just wait, just use body language to test the waters... on it goes. We have one male playmate who we've known for years on end (friend before playmate) and even when it's just the three of us alone in a situation, we find it hard to figure out if we're all on board to make it a playdate or not.

[good times 991]

I have to admit we have had this problem in the past too, but we are slowly getting over it. Now if I were in the situation you described I would have asked them straight out. Like Fuse, subtlety is not me best attribute, so at some point I will usually just ask if we are going to have sex or not. I usually do this sometime before 12 PM as I sometimes don't perform well when I am too tired.

[subtoMistressT 22]

I have learned overr the years that she has a hard time making the first move unless it is with people we swing with on a regular basis. I usually have to do some prompting to get things going. After that it just takes off with everyone doing what comes naturally and what they are comfortable with.

[belgiumCouple 15]

How about a board game. I couple we're chatting with told us they created on as an ice breaker and it's really working for them.

[Thrax 384]

When you are invited to visit someones house who makes the first move?

Dog and I went to this couples house a few weeks ago. We played pool all night. It was clear as air that the plan was to play, but hour after hour, we just kept playing pool. Dog tried to move things along by making a strip game of it. Down to no cloths and still nothing? Finally Dog got up put his hand out for the mrs. to take then finally things moved along. We went into thier "playroom" and started to play...with our own partners. Then moved onto playmates. What then struck me as strange we only did oral. At no point did the other couple show interest in sex. We new about their rules, but none stated no intercourse. We then hung out and chatted for awhile. Finally at 5am Dog and I left. I was over the top tired and had to work in just a few short hours, so did Dog.

I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyones, but first time?

What do you all think? Still new and feeling things out here.

Your friend,

Prettylady

My viewpoint is from the single male perspective, but maybe you can find something useful in my rambling here. As a single male I do let the couple -- especially her, to reassure me that she's comfortable with the situation -- control the pace. But still, I'd probably still defer to the folks hosting the "party".

 

Prettylady, I'm just curious, was the other couple experienced? Or fairly new to being active in the lifestyle like you two are? If they aren't very experienced the "first move" thing could be very awkward to them, too. If they have some swinging under their belts -- so to speak -- I'm not sure what the problem was.

 

Anyway, good for Dog, though, for suggesting strip pool. Getting some or all clothes off is a great starting point. Nudity is an icebreaker (that's why hot tubs and skinny-dipping are popular in SwingWorld), but so is casual, caring touch like Alura mentioned. Thinking about the pool game, the next step might have been to encourage more body contact, say, by then splitting into teams: you and the other guy, and Dog and the other woman. And each team member has to take a shot while leaning over the back of his or her teammate. (I just thought of that, but that seems like it would be fun... ) Or maybe having to take a shot while your partner has his or her arms around your waist. Take it from there.

 

I've been lucky with most of my encounters at couples' homes or in hotel rooms that somebody has initiated proceedings within an hour or two of my arrival. In those situations I have always left it up to the couple. Sometimes it's been the woman starting things by eventually cozying up to me and we gradually got to kissing and caressing. Another time it was a husband displaying a bottle of oil and suggesting we both give his wife a massage. However, those were experienced couples. Play was not immediate -- we had some good conversations (although I was squirming a little bit ) -- but we got to business in a reasonable amount of time, by my thinking.

 

So, anyway, if nudity and casual touch are good lead-ins to serious action, maybe you can try massage -- to some extent -- next time. Basic massage only requires willing hands and someone to massage. Make a game out of the guys giving the women foot massages. (Yeah, it may be "sexist", but I have NEVER met a woman who hasn't enjoyed, if not craved, a foot massage.) Then the guys can move up to those sore calves and thighs, etc. Or the guys can massage the womens' hands. (If you haven't had a hand-massage, you're missing something. Think of how much typing, writing, jar-opening, phone-holding, steering-wheel clutching and other stressful hand-motions you do every day and tell me that a hand massage wouldn't feel good.) The women then massage the guys' hands. The women take off the guys shirts so they can massage shoulders. And you can't really give a good back massage through clothing...

 

Or, start a conversation about exciting encounters you've had before, or if you haven't had that many, start talking about your tamer fantasies and lead into the more exotic ones (you don't want to scare anyone). And ask the other couple about their experiences and fantasies. That might get the juices flowing.

 

Or just keep talking about how exciting you find the encounter and then suddenly yell, "HELL! GET THE CLOTHES OFF AND LET'S GET AT IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" (Use that one at your discretion.)

 

Discuss.

 

Thrax

[Bad Sandy 15]

Or just keep talking about how exciting you find the encounter and then suddenly yell, "HELL! GET THE CLOTHES OFF AND LET'S GET AT IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" (Use that one at your discretion.)

 

I love that! lol At hedo we were with friends we had already established we were going to play with that night. After hours at the bar and disco and with midnight approaching I finally said (jokingly), "Are we going to dance all night or what?" That got us back to the room in a hurry. I think usually everyone is waiting for the women to give the "all clear".

 

Sandy

[Tybee Swing 286]

I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate (to some extent) the movement of the night?

 

Yes, I would think that the hosts should have a plan and some idea about making the move.

 

In the event that they're too shy or wishy-washy to have a game idea ready, or to just say something suggestive to get it started, here's a thought: Start packing a Twister board game in your overnight/sex tote bag. Nothing says "let's get this party started" like a friendly game of nekkid Twister.

 

http://www.flashmountain.com/naked-twister-01.php

[Spoomonkey 421]

I HATE that part of this...

 

We've actually tried to get things going before and had people either not take a hint or give us a vibe like they weren't interested only to have them ask later why we aren't into them :rollseyes

 

Maybe they aren't ready...

 

Maybe they don't find us attractive...

 

Maybe we are just being too fast - crossed some unseen boundary - are missing a sign...

 

Maybe they don't like purple...

 

It can drive a person nuts. Even the old, "so - do you guys want to play?" can let you down. Not because they don't, but because no one is sure they can say "yes". Fortunately, Mrs Spoo has gotten really good at getting the ball rolling. I am not sure what she does, but I can't tell how many times I wound up naked without knowing why...

 

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing 286]

Fortunately, Mrs Spoo has gotten really good at getting the ball rolling. I am not sure what she does, but I can't tell how many times I wound up naked without knowing why...

 

If you could just tap into that thing she does and bottle it, you'd be one rich monkey!

[Spoomonkey 421]

If you could just tap into that thing she does and bottle it, you'd be one rich monkey!

 

I just let her drag me along...

 

Behind every good man are those annoying drag marks

 

Spoomonkey

[JTcamp05 9]

This is something we run into also, You end up talking and enjoying each others company so long into the night that by the time sex comes into play everyone is worn out. We find that its gets easier over time, after a few visits with a couple things flow faster and more natural.

[daisy girl 34]

Thrax,

 

hand massage?? mmm...that sounds delicious. I have to tell my playmates about that one.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is an excellent question. If you are at our house do you expect us to make the first move? Is it part of the hosts duties to lead things in that direction?

[PB&J 1,086]

As long as the oral included kissing, pretty lady! We played soft swap with one couple that wouldn't kiss, either! (oh, ok, I could kiss her, that was nice). (started with pool with them, too)

 

On the main topic, though, we've always let our hosts take the initiative. And they have. At our place, so far we've only entertained my "gentleman caller", and I've always broken the ice by moving the action to the hot tub, after the ritual beer and man talk at the kitchen table.

[pervgeeks 119]

I think it's up to the hosts in this situation, particularly the female half. That's why sometimes it's fun on the rare times we have people over. I'm not a shy woman.

 

I'd also add that my husband's biggest complaint often is how slow it can take to get things going. While I work nights and have a natural late night circadian rhythm going on (and can get pretty chatty), he "turns into a pumkin" by midnight. We've found that when we're on their turf or neutral turf, it seems to better with couples with at least our level of experience or more. We never like to be "pushy", but sometimes you just want to yell, "HEY, are we going to fish or cut bait here!?"

[LFM2 1,482]

I also have that train of thought that the hosts should make the first move. After all, it is their house. What's interesting is they all know why they've gathered in that same room, yet, everyone stands there like they're at a junior high dance afraid to move.

 

The last house party we went to, we played strip pool as well. It didn't take long before the fun began. Probably less than 1 minute after the first shirt came off. All started by the host, of course.

[MrkLin 393]

We've found swingers are quick to hug upon arrival if they have sex in mind. In that case, hold hands immediately after the hug, then interlace fingers. If that is met with enthusiasm, a kiss is natural, even expected.

 

That's something I've never thought of. I'm going to have to pay closer attention from now on. Thanks for sharing that, Mr. Alura.

 

We tend to invite only people we've played with before to our home. With that being the case, it's usually already decided that we're going to play, it's only a question of when - and that really depends on the couple. With one couple, we can guarantee that she's going to be naked within 30 minutes of her walking in the door - I do so love a woman who knows what she wants, and goes for it. With some others, we do have to nudge a bit here and there. The sexy banter between us usually helps, as does something as simple as seating arrangements. We've discovered that couples who tend to sit together sometimes need a bit more of a nudge than others. Let me explain...

 

We have a sofa and love seat in our living room, and they're arranged so that they sit across from each other, with a coffee table between them. If he sits on the sofa, and she sits on the love seat, then that usually indicates they want us to sit with them. Sitting next to your potential playmate while your mate is sitting with his/hers makes it a lot easier to get something started. If they both sit together on either the couch or love seat, leaving Lin and I to sit across from them with the table separating us, we're going to have to come up with a way to get things rolling. We usually do that by starting something ourselves as the situation evolves, then inviting the other couple to join us.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm thinking we really need to get a hottub. We have a great home for entertaining and once I've played with someone once it's fairly easy for me to "get things started" but that first time out of the gate.... it sure would be nice to have the naked hottub to get things moving.

[MrkLin 393]

Hot tubs are the world's greatest ice breakers! Show me a hot tub, and if I'm not the first person in it, I'm right behind him/her. Just a pointer - have LOTS of towels handy. We roll them up and stand them up in baskets, then place the baskets where people can find them easily. Also have several inexpensive bath robes handy for people to use. It's funny, but you can easily talk people into getting naked to get into the hot tub, but once they want to get out, the feel the need to cover up...

[cocpl2007 170]

We have found ourselves in several situations where nothing happened. No one “started” and the evening wore on until it was no longer an opportunity. We have talked about these situations, and both agreed that there was a variety of reasons playing was not initiated. One couple, there was clearly sufficient chemistry between two of the four present, but not all four. With another, when the kissing prohibition was presented, in a less than conciliatory manner (“Why on earth would I want to kiss someone other than my Spouse?”). It was like a bucket of ice water to the mood. Probably the most colorful: we were at a couples home… very nice place. They invited us into their “play room” which was all set up for some pretty exotic play. The other lady shared with us her husbands “goal” to achieve 24 hours of continual copulation in one event. DW at that instant would have pulled the trap door and had us vaporize from their “play room” The last thing she has any desire to be is a whoopee cushion for some guys ego. It was pretty clear that his wife had zero interest in personal accommodating him for this record-setting copulation session.

 

Over the years, it seems that when the chemistry is there, the sparks will fly enough to start a good fire. When the mutual chemistry is not filling the air, no amount of ignition can start a fire.

[Pensacolapair 394]

Our experience has been that when invited to other's homes, they took the lead. We don't know whether it's universal, but that's always the way we approach it and conduct ourselves accordingly.

 

When we invite others to our home, we feel that we should take the lead...something that 'G' (our female half) has an exceptional talent for!! With 'experienced' couples, we've found that there's usually a high level of sexy flirting and suggestive banter that seems to move things toward playtime fairly quickly without much help. However, with 'newer' couples, the hot tub during cooler months or the pool during the warmer ones are both great ways to set a more relaxing and comfortable setting for the afore-mentioned flirting and suggestive chat to develop.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

When you are invited to visit someones house who makes the first move?

I'm just not sure what to think about this. If it is your first playdate at someone elses house, should the hosts dictate(to some extent) the movement of the night? If they were a regular play couple the I could see the first move being anyones, but first time?

What do you all think? Prettylady

This is a good thread !

 

Mrs fun and I were talking over breakfast this morning. Looking back now, we have more clarity about our first time at (their) house.

 

We attacked them !! In a way...

 

At least,.... compared to some of you diligent folks

 

It's not what you think. I mean, we had dinner and talked about swinging ( great dinner by the way) We talked about an hour. It was obvious we all wanted to go "all the way" from the conversations. Then they asked us to go to their downstairs play room. That was enough to insinuate SEX,, We told them we wanted to step outside for a minute first. (We had a plan about the "are you ready" talk)

 

When we joined them again downstairs. No one really said a word... we just went for them..

 

Mrs fun and him fell to the couch. Me and the wife, hit the floor (her move). There wasn't anything but moaning, groaning and giggling. We were so overcome from the experience. We really can't remember the departure conversation. It was more about thankfulness and gratitude.(we hope)

 

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't cold, cut and dry, or anything. Our next get together. I did the wifes hair, (trim, and dye/highlight)... We talked It also gave Mrs.fun and the husband "talk time" ... Then we went at it again... and again.. It seemed natural, everyone follows the leader no matter who starts. We have seen any of the three, or four of us, make the first move. Simultaneous combustion has happened..

 

The next time, with this same couple at our house. We seemed to get to talking way to long. Politely, I departed for the bathroom. I found myself in the bedroom on the way back and just yelled " Anyone want to come in here and get naked ? " (host responsibilities, right ? ) No one said another word. All three of them were half stripped when they came in the room... PILE UP...

 

Your all making us feel aggressive now...

 

I guess the thing is for us, as it turns out . We found out quick, to get over all the ho humming around, if ya want to play. We can get to the point of everyone agreeing to "Play Time"

 

There is a time for talking.. As hosts, and having been hosted. It has turned out the host, has been the one to insinuate play. If they don't, and we want to play, We will try at least ... Its one of those things you learn to feel the vibes.

[Brian and Jo 344]

When we are with our regular group of couples it does'nt matter who makes the first move. We all know each other so well that the evening just seems to flow naturally from the initial chatting, flirting and mingling to undressing and playing. But if we are with a new couple the hosts, whether that be them or us, always makes the first move. It seems to us that if we are meeting a couple for the first time at their place it is a bit presumptuous for us to initiate any sexual contact. We agree with the other comments about a hot tub being a great ice breaker. We have a hot tub in our basement. If we are hosting a new couple after we have chatted for a while we will suggest going in the tub. After the clothes come off and we are all naked together in the tub the rest just seems to follow.