How common is condom use by swingers in your area?

[sexcupid 809]

Just a quick question.

 

How prevalent is condom use in your area? And do the clubs that you go to provide them, or do you have to bring your own? (This is a moot point as we always bring some with us, just wondering)

 

I mean, it's posted in our profile that they are a must. So why does it seem to take so many people by suprise when we have them available to use?

 

I mean, we've met up with a few couples now and every time a condom has been put on, erections are lost. One made the comment 'that's the best i've done with a condom in a long time'. Things are going along quite well up to that point. And if we take them off and switch back to oral or manual stimulation, things are back up and running again.

 

Maybe it's just the area were in?

 

Anyway, TIA for any feedback.

 

Maria

[r_poseidon 17]

I'm actually the same way. I just can NOT function with a condom on. I have only been able to work I think twice. So... it happens. :-(

[WesternSwing 504]

I would say that condom use in our swinger community is the rule, not the exception. There are those that play with or without, but for the most part wearing a condom is a must for anything more then oral sex.

 

And we do have in our profile that we insist on safe sex.

 

Mr. WS

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I'm not experienced enough to say what others use, but we use condoms. I'll agree they aren't quite as nice as using nothing, but we feel much more secure with things such as pregnancy, stds, and so forth that we continue to use them. A board member here had a brand that wasn't too bad, I'll try to find the name of it.

 

Now that being said I know there are people that say the STD reduction isn't all that it is hyped up to be. The media seems to promote condoms as a safe sex method when in actuality, it just means safer sex. It's simply a reduction of risk.

 

Queue post by Goodtimes.

[tribbles 490]

The exception, not the rule here, is what we see.

 

Depends on the party too tho. Some the host/party rules require them. Others don't and then we see less of them.

 

Some clubs provide them, others don't. It varies.

 

S

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Based on all the cock in pussy pictures many people post on the ad site we use, many swingers don't use condoms.

 

We state in our profile that we do play with condoms. We've not had any problems with people objecting to us pulling out condoms when the time comes to use them, but we have seen where condoms do pose a challenge for some men who have difficulty staying erect once putting one on.

 

LM

[spectraschain 21]

These folks have it all:

https://www.undercovercondoms.com/

[spectraschain 21]

I always use condoms....even with Spectra, though I'm vasectomy safe.

 

If you wear one every time, your little soldier will think, "condom, time to go to work", as opposed to "what the hell is this?"

[N&G 207]

We seldom use condoms and none of our friends use them either. Maybe it's a regional thing or just that we are older and have more problems using them. We know a few people who live on the west coast who require them and say that everyone uses condoms. Maybe New Jersey is more "disease friendly" than other states. Being in the lifestyle involves some degree of risk and we are willing to accept that. Condoms may lower the risk somewhat but don't eliminate it.

[spectraschain 21]

Maybe it's a regional thing

For sure, its a regional thing...the pubic region.

 

We have friends in New England, no, it's not a regional thing...

 

How old are you that this kind of thing no longer matters?

[Thrax 384]

Good question.

 

In my experience as a single male in the lifestyle (seven years as of this month) I would say that in my play with single women and women in couples (no MM play) in Western PA and Eastern Ohio about 60% have insisted on condoms. The rest don't seem too concerned, which raises a red flag with me.

 

I'm squeamish about STDs (although I know that condoms don't prevent the transmission of many of them), so I insist on condoms 100% of the time with women I've never had intercourse with, vanilla or lifestyle. Depending on how I feel about the couple or the individual, I have relaxed that rule for a few women, over time, but not for many either in swinging or vanilla relationships.

 

So, it's rare that I go in bare, but it does happen occasionally. A risk? Definitely! But one that is calculated.

 

However, there seems to be a large group of couples/singles in this area (OH/PA), in ALL socio-economic groups, that feels comfortable going condomless. Make of that what you will. I guess it might coincide with the reported rise in the number of gay men in the US who forgo condoms and other AIDS prevention since the AIDS plague has experienced a downturn.

 

Finally, as far as I know, the Western PA club I go to a couple of times a year does NOT provide condoms, so I always bring some of my own. ALL of the couples I've met bring some, too, by the way. And every house party I've attended in Pennsylvania and Ohio has ALWAYS had many varieties of both latex and poly condoms (in various sizes) available for guests.

 

As far as I'm concerned, if a guy hopes to be active in the lifestyle (or even in the vanilla scene) he should be carrying some basic protection and plan to use it.

 

Thrax

[spectraschain 21]

Maybe New Jersey is more "disease friendly" than other states.

Okay. I've been to New Jersey, and I think I see your point. The sooner the better, so-to-speak....

[LFM2 1,482]

It's pretty much a rule in our area. We insist on condoms, even though Mr. LFM is V safe, we still have STD worries. There are problems with erections after the condom goes on, but it's been fixable. Just one of the things that goes along with our lifestyle, I guess.

[sexcupid 809]

Thanks for all the replies!

 

It's not that our playmates look at the condom like, 'oh what is this?'...more along the lines of, 'you really want to use that?'

 

I know it's no guarantee of STD-free-ness...and am aware that is only reduces the risks inherent with having sex (stds, pregnancy, ect.). It seems like so many people on this board and even on SLS are insistent that condoms/protection be used...but the reality we are experiencing is vastly different and just wanted to get some feedback.

 

Thanks again,

 

Maria

[Chicup 42]

People surprised by or not wanting to use condoms has never been an issue for us.

 

I was thinking perhaps it was your age but you are younger than us so there goes that theory

[good times 991]

Thanks for having my back Mr. Truelove.

 

Based on our frequent visits to the local and out of town clubs and the amount of people we know personally who are swingers, I would say that about 20% of the swingers we know refuse to play if condoms are required, around 50% will use condoms if requested, about 20% use condoms most of the time but will go without if they are comfortable doing so with certain couples, and about 10% require condoms with no exceptions.

 

What is more interesting to me though is that when asked, well over 50% will say they require condoms, which leads me to believe that the only people who would know the percentages I mentioned above are people who prefer not to use condoms and are willing to admit it. Those that require condoms would have the impression, based on the people they asked, that most people use condoms when swinging, because in our experience, most swingers feel it is not politically correct to openly admit that they prefer not to use condoms.

 

While I realize we should all be totally honest with each other, we should also be realistic and realize that not everyone is totally forthcoming, especially if they would really like to get in your pants. So it is safest to assume, when sizing them up for risk, that all of your potential play partners play without using condoms all of the time or at least occasionally.

 

I don't really think it is a regional thing either. As some have noted here, this difference between what people say and what they actually do in regards to the condom issue is one of the things that surprised me when we started swinging, and is what led me to do a lot of research on the subject, more than most seem to do anyway, but I still don't consider myself an expert. Living in a popular tourist town though, we meet people from all over on a regular basis, and my percentages above seem to hold up as being pretty universal no matter where the people come from.

[Guest Unregistered]

We are a young couple, mid of twenty and intermediated learners in the sls. We prefer to play with older couples because their experince is a guaranty fur fun. The two of us have a problem. No orgasm if we play with condoms. Please be so kind and let us know what to do!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Based on all the cock in pussy pictures many people post on the ad site we use, many swingers don't use condoms.

 

Your concusion is correct. Many swinging couples use no condoms. I would take care about basing this conclusion upon what you see in those pictures. Very many of them are actually copied and pasted from porn sites and have nothing whatsoever to do with the person (note that I use the signular form of the noun) who posted the advertisment.

[Doug19482000 18]

When you get older it can be a little harder to keep a condom on. What good is a condom if it's left behind. As far as poly goes as soon as manufactures make one large enough to get on I'll use them as Ms. D is allergic to latex.

[sexcupid 809]

GT,

 

Very informative post

 

I know people say what you want to hear...lol

 

It's not like I'm a condom nazi ('put it on or no puss for you!' ), and that rule has a possibility to be relaxed...but only if there are a few couples and we are all only playing with each other. But that is too much of an ideal, so on with the condoms we go.

 

We do keep the ultra thins on hand (as well as the poly), so at the very least it does't feel like they are wearing a medical grade latex glove on his dick...but I know there is still a loss of sensation all the way around...

 

Anyway, I do appreciate all the replies!

 

Maria

[transplantdbrit 15]

Hello everyone

 

I thought I might add a little to this topic. It was previously mentioned that a spouse has a sensitivity to latex. This is entirely common for we ladies. Many of us are prone to yeast infections that condom use causes. While personally I don't suffer from this, my gf does.

 

In our lifestyle, a certain amount of risk is present. You can glove it, cover it in jelly, and pull it out...risk is still present. I have found that with some of the couples we have fun with, the Mr side isn't comfortable (mr wiggly loses his steam) with condoms. When this has happened, we slow things down and get to know them more before any more play happens. It was a bit odd to stop mid-play, but my life is absolutely worth an awkward moment or two. If we are comfortable at a later date, we resume play. Instead of using condoms, I use a jelly (after any and all oral play is done) to stop little swimmers and possible STD's in their tracks. The gentleman also utilizes withdrawl method. Sure it can change the mood for about 2 minutes to stop and apply, but like Loreal says, I'm worth it. If using a gel containing Nonoxyl 9, there isn't much that will get past that.

 

Okay, I'm done adding my 2 cents worth. I just thought I might add another method that works quite effectively and without the use of a condom.

 

Transplantdbrit.

[Chicup 42]

Based on all the cock in pussy pictures many people post on the ad site we use, many swingers don't use condoms.

 

Maybe thats why we haven't had an issue with people demanding 'no condoms'.

 

If someone has a picture like that in their profile, we were automatically not interested in that couple.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Maybe thats why we haven't had an issue with people demanding 'no condoms'.

 

If someone has a picture like that in their profile, we were automatically not interested in that couple.

Perfect logic!

[Happypair 15]

As others have stated, it's all about 'risk management', and it's up to each couple to decide what an acceptable level of risk is. Given our 'druthers', we prefer our sex bareback. But we NEVER try to persuade others to our way of thinking. We are a 50-plus couple, married forever, and we are not into big numbers, preferring a friends-first approach to the lifestyle. We are selective; we get to know people before we get naked with them, and ultimately if we're not comfortable with being intimate with them bareback, we're not comfortable being intimate, period. This does limit our choices. We don't do the on-premise club scene, or house parties (except where we already know the participants). We don't do singles. We take a pass on bi-male couples, and we wouldn't mix it up with the couples Chicup is talking about either. All of the above are legitimate facets/members of the swing community; they just don't fit our risk profile. Are we representative swingers in general, or any sub-group? I dunno. There are so many variables. But within the white, mid-income, 45-and-up crowd, we are getting the perfect amount of action: more than I can handle, almost as much as Happymama would like. And the vast majority of it is latex-free.

[Swing*8701 887]

Ed here-- All of our Play is with condoms. Now, initially it sometimes could be an issue with an erection. I took it upon myself to have my body adapt to using a condom. So, for about a month, anytime Susan and I had sex, even if it was just the two of us, I wore a condom. I even would masturbate with one on. Sure enough, my body adapted and it never was a concern again.

 

Sex is very much in the mind. Since my mind knows I can get hard with a condom, it's no longer a concern.

[sweet_tna 680]

We're still new to this, so maybe we're not the ones to ask. But most of the profiles I've read for our area (including ours) state that condoms must be used. And we've yet to encounter anyone (that we were actually interested in) seem surprised that we use them.

=)

[ShellyM 0]

Ed here-- All of our Play is with condoms. Now, initially it sometimes could be an issue with an erection. I took it upon myself to have my body adapt to using a condom. So, for about a month, anytime Susan and I had sex, even if it was just the two of us, I wore a condom. I even would masturbate with one on. Sure enough, my body adapted and it never was a concern again.

 

Sex is very much in the mind. Since my mind knows I can get hard with a condom, it's no longer a concern.

 

Thats a fantastic idea, I'll keep that in mind when guys ask me about this.

[sexcupid 809]

We're still new to this, so maybe we're not the ones to ask. But most of the profiles I've read for our area (including ours) state that condoms must be used. And we've yet to encounter anyone (that we were actually interested in) seem surprised that we use them.

=)

 

I would still consider us pretty new to this even about a year later. I can understand the loss of erection if you aren't used to using a condom.

 

What propmted me to post this in the first place was 2 partners I had. One was super sweet, and I would recommend him (and his wife) to anyone. He seemed apologetic, but we carried on doing other things and play time was lots of fun. He 'recovered' quite nicely....

 

The one that pissed me off was the one who tried to pull me on top of him before I could get it out of the wrapper. He knew I had it in my hand, we had all discussed previously condom usage. He was vsafe, his wife wasn't on any kind of hormonal birth control b/c of that. I was on BCP at the time, and Jeff was not yet vsafe. Did he assume that b/c he couldn't get me pregnant that I was going to let pretty much the only 'rule' Jeff and I have slide. Um, no. He lost it and instead of handling it like the other guy did, play time was cut short and we ended up going back downstairs at the club. He made no mention of giving it another shot in a few mintues and didn't seem interested after that. It's a pity because we really got on well with them on a friendly level...but they didn't seem to want to 'make friends'. (For Jeff's POV, the wife was carrying condoms of her own and pulled them out for him to use. So it comes back onto the 'no condom, no play' rule being in place.)

 

I know it's embarassing for guys to have their soldier not cooperating...but c'mon, we're all grown ups. I'm not going to laugh and point and cast aspersions on your character (or your soldier ). What I will remember is you racing to put your clothes back on and not speaking to me the rest of the night. I am pretty willing to move to other activities to try to relax you and get us back to the point we were at. I've had a few experiences where no condoms were involved and the guys still lost it the first entry attempt b/c of nerves. And that was when I was 18 and hot. rotflmao

 

Maria

[ShellyM 0]

The one that pissed me off was the one who tried to pull me on top of him before I could get it out of the wrapper. He knew I had it in my hand, we had all discussed previously condom usage. He was vsafe, his wife wasn't on any kind of hormonal birth control b/c of that. I was on BCP at the time, and Jeff was not yet vsafe. Did he assume that b/c he couldn't get me pregnant that I was going to let pretty much the only 'rule' Jeff and I have slide. Um, no. He lost it and instead of handling it like the other guy did, play time was cut short and we ended up going back downstairs at the club. He made no mention of giving it another shot in a few mintues and didn't seem interested after that. It's a pity because we really got on well with them on a friendly level.

 

Yes, this is why we have it almost sternly in our sls profile that if you do NOT wear a condom my panties will be going back UP. Men that we have played with seem to get senility when its time to have the condom. We are always very blunt with this; one guy I looked at and said do you have a condom and he said no, sorry...another said it was in the car lol. SO. My solution? I keep 2 in my own pocket. When I get the duhhhhh look I pull one out and say "see, I've got your back!" Men hate them and I understand that they cannot be comfortable, but I need at least the peace of mind of using one.

[sexcupid 809]

Yes, this is why we have it almost sternly in our sls profile that if you do NOT wear a condom my panties will be going back UP. Men that we have played with seem to get senility when its time to have the condom. We are always very blunt with this; one guy I looked at and said do you have a condom and he said no, sorry...another said it was in the car lol. SO. My solution? I keep 2 in my own pocket. When I get the duhhhhh look I pull one out and say "see, I've got your back!" Men hate them and I understand that they cannot be comfortable, but I need at least the peace of mind of using one.

 

In the car? lol Well sweetie, run right out and get it....no, go naked, no one will pay any attention...

 

The night that happened, Jeff and I were playing in separate rooms...he had the play bag, but before we split up I grabbed one of the bottles of lube and a few condoms. The guy saw me have them and laid them all within reach of where we would be playing. It was him physically trying to maneouver me on top of him while I was trying to rip the package open that made me want to get pissy. lol

 

Maria

[tittietwister 126]

Based on our limited experience there are a significant number in our area who state a must use policy but seem to make frequent exceptions. We don't have a problem with that as the research we have done indicates that STDs are almost non-existent among swingers. Only one case of AIDS has ever been connected with swingers. In our area nearly all swingers are fairly upscale so does that perhaps play a role? Don't know.

 

I do remember on another swinger website reading a thread from a former pornstar who said that she would rather have an STD than a bad cold. Having not had an STD I can't judge.

 

Anyway, we prefer to go without.

[sexcupid 809]

We don't have a problem with that as the research we have done indicates that STDs are almost non-existent among swingers. In our area nearly all swingers are fairly upscale so does that perhaps play a role? Don't know.

 

I don't think that 'class' has anything to do with it....education perhaps. However, in other studies that I have read, people misjudge their 'risk' with a person based on attractiveness. Ie: the guy would be more likely to insist on a condom with a 'homely' looking girl than with a hottie...even though the hottie is most likely to be carrying an STD b/c of increased sexual opportunities because of her attractiveness.

 

I don't think that STDs are non-existant in the swinging crowd, but if you are relying on self-reports (as compared to cases treated in your area)...then the data is probably flawed. And if you contracted a cootie, I think most people would try to keep it under wraps. Why? Well...if word got out, then your opportunities to play would either totally dry up or be very limited. Even if it was something that was treatable.

 

Our preference is to use condoms...they may not be failproof, but they do lend some vague sense of security. Everyone is entitled to their preference, I don't think there is a blanket 'correct' answer. Just wondering what others had encountered.

 

Thanks!

 

Maria

[ShellyM 0]

Maria, you and I are neighbors; I havent heard of anyone here with std's that are swingers; ironically the only people I know that live with genital herpes are vanilla. Its funny because society is under the assumption that we are immoral individuals that just boink everything that breathes air. Within the general lifestyle I have heard that herpes is out there; this scares me more with oral than anything. Herpes in the mouth is just devastating from what I am told. Other than herpes I haven't really heard of anything being at all prevalent.

[sexcupid 809]

Shelly,

 

I agree that I haven't heard of anything here either...however, I just can't see chatting up a couple and some where in coversation have something like, 'yeah, we just had the clap...but it's all cleared up now and we're good to go!' come up as a conversation piece. Yipes! I mean, it is embarassing to think you let your guard down or your judgement was 'lax' enough that it happened....I don't know that I would spread it around, word that I had had an STD (even if it had been taken care of).

 

I've never had one (knock on wood), but there still is a bit of a social stigma attached to having had one I think. The study I read about making judgement based on looks was just last spring in my sexuality class...while not entirely suprising, I'm just wondering who on earth comes up with these studies...and where can I get a job making them up? lol

 

Maria

[Tia Vampire 167]

We have that condoms must be worn in our profile too. I had this one guy climb up on me and thought he was going to insert himself without a condom. I said to him, " Your kidding right?" Then he asked me, "should he be worried?" Oh, talking about ruining the mood. I told him, "Try your reverse psychology somewhere else, because it aint working here." "NO glove, no love." and that was the end of that.

[sexcupid 809]

We have that condoms must be worn in our profile too. I had this one guy climb up on me and thought he was going to insert himself without a condom. I said to him, " Your kidding right?" Then he asked me, "should he be worried?" Oh, talking about ruining the mood. I told him, "Try your reverse psychology somewhere else, because it aint working here." "NO glove, no love." and that was the end of that.

 

Why yes, you should be worried...cause the wrath of a ticked off woman is about to come raining down on you....mwuhahahahahah

 

Whoops...there goes that outside voice again. I totally agree with the mood killer.....

 

Maria

[pervgeeks 119]

I've had two men come inside me ever- my husband and my ex-husband. I've had sex with many men in my life (before I ever swung).

 

Condom use? You fucking bet. If someone I was playing with tried to stick their dick in me without one, he'd either not get any and if need be, injured. I have some self respect and intelligence. I honestly can't believe the heads in the sand that exist in the world.

[todesireu 16]

we insist on condoms for intercourse, but not for oral. double standard, yes, but it has worked for us. they aren't foolproof but in our opinion better than going bare back. that pleasure has been just between us and perhaps in the future with partners whom we have an extraordinary amount of trust and comfort.

[Wildthingplus 47]

My husband and I attend clubs all over Florida, Texas, Arizona, Nevada, and California. In my experience 70% of swing club go-ers do not use condoms. I don’t like the way condoms feel and therefore don’t use them. Most couples or single guys I play with don’t even ask about condoms.

[Pierced-n-Proud 16]

Yep, we use a condom with all playmates. If it's not on...it's not on! Mrs P & P does not use birth control as Mr P & P has had a vasectomy, so a condom is the effective method of birth control as well. Each time you play with a couple, you are effectively in bed with all of their playmates and all of their playmates and so on...

 

Before entering the LS we tested them on the jewellery extensively to make sure of their effectiveness for our playmates. We were worried that the ampallang my tear the condom as each end of the amp has diamonds in it. All was well, but boy wasn't the testing fun!

P &P

[Guest screaminggood]

We use them, but I must admit, we have a few fantasies that involve not using them....me licking him out of her...Him doing me when I'm full of someone else....We just haven't had the right opportunities yet.

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

...the research we have done indicates that STDs are almost non-existent among swingers. Only one case of AIDS has ever been connected with swingers.

 

What research was this? Was there a poll I missed out on or something?.

 

In our area nearly all swingers are fairly upscale so does that perhaps play a role? Don't know.

 

[gentleman3537 15]

Hi Maria..condom use may be essential but certainly takes something out of the adventure called feeling and feeling. Sort of kissing through plastic wrap. Maybe its just me??? I want to feel all the intimacy possible in fact sometimes I want to drown in it!!! Umm this guy is just goofy.

[meandher2go 17]

these type of threads scare us....

 

I am vasectomy safe and ALWAYS use a condom. I like to tell the girls that i am just to help make her a bit more comfy knowing she wont get pregnant regardless. but the condom is on if im inside her. (not her mouth usually)

[TerryforSex 14]

...I guess....if you want to get pregnant....sometimes contraceptive stuff does not work....go without use of condoms.

but before the natural way always check your OV cycle.

 

Better to have your Swinger-Men friends wear condoms.

I know I have not listened to my own preaching a few times.

 

I have done stupid things like in the heat of the moment sex and then worry am I pregnant..!!! It's tough when mot on birth control and you never know who might be the father ...your lover or your husband.

 

Always use condoms..even if they tell you the had a Vasectomy.