How do you do vacations when you're in a poly relationship?

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

I had a fellow poster email us the other day asking the following. After emailing with him with our reply I asked if I could post his question for all to chime in so here goes.

 

"My question is, how do you guys do vacations? My wife enjoys doing things with both of us at the same time. but he is not at all interested in 3 somes and he does enjoy private time with her and she with him, and with me as well. It seems that we all enjoy doing things together, I quite enjoy going out with them both, and I am very much into the 3 of us getting physical together, but again, respect the choices and speed of them lol.

 

We have talked about going on vaca, and I sometimes feel that she says all 3 of us so I don't feel left out, because I know she would like to vaca with him alone at some point. She would love to be married to us both, like you guys, but since she cant' I think sometimes she would like a divorce so we can all be together more comfortably or equally. All things I talk to her about, but sometimes I think she goes my way to spare me hurt feelings. Nice in a way, shows she really does care for me. I am very interested in the truth though, and we are looking at vacationing soon, to New Orleans, and I wondered if I should volunteer to let them go alone, or just be still and go with them.

 

What do you guys do?"

 

Please chime in with your advice and examples. Thanks.

 

The Menage's

[Twolovers01 15]

Do what feels right for you. If you feel like (for lack of better term sorry ) the third wheel on the pending vacation then you should stay home. You could do something nice for them while they are gone, or just pamper yourself, or just enjoy yourself alone.

 

We haven't taken any real vacations with our OSO's, but we spend almost every weekend toghether with all of our kids. We have been out to do alot of things toghether as an extended family.

 

We would go on vacation together more if it wasn't so hard to make room for the NINE of us to go places.

[avid 134]

How about camping?

 

My husband and I have two kids living at home, and my partner has two kids.

 

One way we can all vacation together is to go camping. We have a travel trailer that sleeps six, plus we throw a tent up for the teenage boy.

 

It's great fun, and really relaxing. We're leaving Thursday for a 4 day trip, and we're all really excited about it.

[Pioneer Swinger 16]

My wife (Angie) and I have been married for almost 24 years. And, we first made love together almost 30 years ago. (In college…) However, about a week after that first time, Angie had intercourse with a classmate of mine. They became an “exclusive” couple until after Easter break. Al and Angie traveled to Daytona Beach and shared a room for the week. During the trip, Angie realized that she loved both Al and I. After they returned, Angie and I got back together, with her stipulating that she and Al would continue having a relationship, provided that Al would accept that Angie also loved me. The good thing was that we’d all been friends before sex was introduced into the relationship. And, we’d remained friends during the time that Angie and Al were sexually exclusive. (Except for swinging… which Angie later introduced me to! But, that’s another story!) In fact, Al and Angie still get together several rimes a year for weeks at a time. What we do is simply not take Angie to the same place that the other does! Angie is known as my wife in the places where we always vacation. And, she’s known as Al’s wife in the places where they vacation together. It’s been a bit trickier for them to travel at times (especially since 9/11) as they often go to the Caribbean as they quickly found that while some places were accepting of their relationship back then, others either weren’t or where openly hostile. I hope this helps… Rick

[Pioneer Swinger 16]

Al and I always get away at that time for anywhere from a long weekend to three weeks. We’ve done things like go to the Poconos for a “second honeymoon” (We weren’t welcome back then as I am white and Al is black.), to go on a cruise or go to one or more of the Caribbean islands. Sometimes, we’ve gone camping into the Appalachian back country and gone nude for days and weeks, having “natural” sex several times a day!

 

In preparing for our vacations, one thing I always do is go off the Pill when my cycle before the anniversary ends. I do this because Al and I did not use birth control when we started having sex. I also bring the bras and panties that I only wear when I’m with Al. Rick has never seen me in the black bras and panties that Al loves almost as much as the red bras and blue panties, which he also loves. (He says that I’m his “All-American Girl” when I dress that way!) I also wear the most revealing clothing and swimwear that my almost 48-year-old figure allows. Once, I was almost five months pregnant with Rick’s and my third child. Al and I still went on our vacation. Yes, I brought the T-shirts reading “BABY” with an arrow pointing at my expanding tummy and the traffic sign reading “BABY ON BOARD”. Of course everyone thought I was pregnant by Al. And, we did nothing to have the bigots think otherwise.

 

In terms of sexual activity, Al and I always make out for at least an hour before we make love for the first time whenever we’re together. I then ask him to enter me. We then go on to re-enact the first time we made love together. After that, almost anything goes! One difference now is that whenever we make love, I always let Al cum somewhere other than my vagina before penetrating me. This is to reduce the possibility of him impregnating me by reducing his sperm count for his later ejaculations. We also indulge in anal intercourse (Which Al introduced me to shortly after we became sexually active. And, I only have with Al… except on very special occasions with my husband.) and Al also does things like shave my pubes, put removable tattoos on my breasts, butt, and mons, paint my breasts with body paint (Once I came back to Rick with daisies painted on my breasts with my nipples as the blossoms!), and has also used a permanent marker on my body (Especially my breasts, tummy, mons, and butt.), although on one occasion the marker was too permanent and until well into the new year I had twin black panthers on my breasts and a neatly handwritten “PROPERTY OF AL H------” with his Social Security Number on my left butt cheek. However, there have been anniversaries where he’s left my body externally unmarked.

 

For Al and I, we especially like to go to Jamaica and “Sandals”. Yes, we stay at the “almost anything goes” part. We stay nude from shortly after arrival until shortly before departure. I come back with an all-over tan and rather sore from all the times Al has taken me!

 

I hope all may have the poly joys that Rick, Al, and I have shared these years… -Angie (Wife of Rick, Lover of Al)

[sereneiders 263]

Well, perhaps you may work around something in the middle way:

 

"Folks, I love you, I want to spend vacations togheter as much as I know how great it'd be for you two to spend some time without having me around"

 

Well, the idea would be to split the vacations in two, giving them some time alone and joining them later on.

[mwc_mich 16]

I think the title of this thread defines my response. When I've truly had a poly "relationship" I've wanted to spend some time alone and away from my everyday life with my boyfriend. Vacations are one of the things that take dating to the level of a true relationship. When I ask my husband if I can take a trip with a friend he knows that I'm serious about the person I'm seeing that I need to spend the time away. Although he's never said no, it gives him a signal that I'm more serious about the person I'm seeing and is a point where he has some say in my realtionship.

 

If you are poly you know how difficult it is to juggle more than one relationship. Its really nice to just get away and enjoy each other for a while and connect and focus on the person in front of me. On vacation I try and maintain good contact with my husband but its not constant... calls are pretty infrequent and I try to be discrete about them too. I am lucky to be married to someone that understands and lets me take the time to spend developing my relationships into more than just casual friendships.

 

As far as my husband coming along, we've talked about that and vacationing as a triad is not something that we would do. It kind of defeats the purpose of the vacation as well. Vacations with friends are infrequent enough and usually different enough from things that we like to do together that its never really been an issue between us.

[gatorvol64 216]

I'm a bit of a greedy thing I guess. I like time with all four of us on a trip, I like time with just my two men and myself and I like time with each of them separately.

 

I see no reason not to have it any of those ways as long as everyone is ok with it.