marco 15 Posted January 14, 2003 This is where we are at at the present time. After searching for someone compatible, male, female, or couple we have come to a point of decisions and we would really like some feedback. We have focused on mostly Hispanic men and white females. Rhonda said she would never "do" black. Well she called the other day and said "I think I found someone...but he's black." We talked about it and I told her that if he really impressed her in everyway...clothing, height, weight, personality, voice tone (she really likes deep tones) then we would go for it. She asked me if I would think less of her and I told her no. She has some reservations about it herself, but at the end I asked her "Would you feel comfortable enough to enjoy it?" and she said that as long as I was involved she would go through with it. The main thing that we debated was kissing him on the mouth. I told her I would prefer her not doing that, and she said that that was a point she had already decided not to do. Has anyone dealt with this, is it just something in our head or is there a common hesitancy in the "black thing" or in this particular area? Quote Share this post Link to post
Mariposa_y_Oso 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Whoa...another potential can of worms opened. First, to answer your question: Mari and I really make no distinction based on skin color. Hell...in a lot of people's minds, I'm sure they'd view US as a bi-racial couple, (which makes us laugh our asses off to think of) just because she's hispanic and I'm a Deggo/Mick hybrid. To paraphrase the subject line of another thread on the boards, "That's funny - we don't feel bi-racial! Probably a lot of it has to do with where we grew up - El Paso is a truely multicultural city. I do have a few questions about these two quotes, however... //We talked about it and I told her that if he really impressed her in everyway....clothing, height, weight, personalily, voice tone (she really likes deep tones) then we would go for it\\ //The main thing that we debated was kissing him on the mouth. I told her I would prefer her not doing that, and she said that that was a point she had already decided not to do.\\ Just out of curiosity, do these same standards apply to everyone, no matter what race/skin color they may have? Will you not play with anyone that is less that "ideal"? Is kissing completely off-limits, no matter the situation? Finally, these two statements sort of send up red flags for me... //She asked me if I would think less of her and I told her no.\\ //She has some reservations about it herself, but at the end I asked her "Would you feel comfortable enough to enjoy it" and she said that as long as I was involved she would go through with it.\\ I'll be the first to admit that this forum and media lends to misunderstandings due to the fact that you don't get the benefit of tone of voice/facial expressions/etc. but based solely on how those two statements come across to me, I think there may be some larger issues here that you two may need to discuss... ~Mike Quote Share this post Link to post
marco 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Ah yes the " I presume therefore I will stick foot in mouth" post. I kind of expected this. Is sticking your foot in your mouth a "northern thing" or were you just born with it in. Let me just say that I was told to communicate so I have chosen that avenue, I guess you and your soulmate have screwed every race out there with no reservations????? Good for you now let someone with has more than half a brain give us some feedback. As a matter of fact I have already talked to him about this and we are trying to work out a compromise that will let everyone feel good. Agian...........communicating...........which really my brother you need a couple of classes in. Quote Share this post Link to post
marco 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Oso, I would think that not everyone is compatible with everyone. We do have "standard" or ideals we are looking for. Should the search be for the whole package? Why do something if it can't be what we want it to be? Her comments were out of question because we had never discussed seeking anything other than hispanics and that was her choice. Whatever other help, opinion you may give will be appreciated. Thanks Quote Share this post Link to post
OhioCouple 41 Posted January 14, 2003 I think there are several issues at hand here. The first being that you are new to swinging and probably have not done enough research at this point to know what the swinger community is comprised of and perhaps do not have all of your rules and boundries in place. That is the first red flag. Now if you wife does not want to kiss any man or woman, that is a preference. Just the same as some people have long hair, others short, some have red hair and some are brunettes. They are all different but what they have in common is that it is simply just hair. When it comes to people, some can kiss, some can't. Some are good in bed and others just are plain lousy. Skin coloring has no bearing on how good an individual is. It is just people of what ever skin color that are either good or lousy lovers. I think if your wife is having these complexes that there are deeper issues involved and in all honesty, I don't think you are being fair to the man you are entertaining the thought of bringing into your play time. At the very least it could cause hurt feelings, maybe produce guilt on her part, or it could turn very ugly if someone feels they were not accepted for who they are. This is the biggest and most colorful red flag of all. I think you would be wise to reconsider this for the sake of all parties invovled. To answer your question, regardless of skin color I would not hesitate to be fully involved in every aspect with someone to whom I am attracted to, just as if some hot looking blonde caught my eye (which isn't my hair color of choice) I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to enjoy him to the fullest. It wouldn't even cross my mind. Lori Quote Share this post Link to post
OhioCouple 41 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by marco Ah yes the " I presume therefore I will stick foot in mouth" post. I kind of expected this. Is sticking your foot in your mouth a "northern thing" or were you just born with it in. Let me just say that I was told to communicate so I have chosen that avenue, I guess you and your soulmate have screwed every race out there with no reservations????? Good for you now let someone with has more than half a brain give us some feedback. As a matter of fact I have already talked to him about this and we are trying to work out a compromise that will let everyone feel good. Agian...........communicating...........which really my brother you need a couple of classes in. Whoa Marco! Obviously I was posting at the same time as Mariposo_y_Oso and I had not seen any communication until my post came up. I have read and re-read their posting and I don't see anything that merits that type of temeperament. Your orgininal questions are what we responded to and no where was there a question that wanted to know how many races we have had sex with, so that remark was way off base. I suppose I am going to also be one with less than half a brain too since my posting is similar to theirs based on my observations of what I read. Sorry we couldn't help you. Lori Quote Share this post Link to post
marco 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Ohio, Thanks for that, maybe I shouldn't of gone there , but we wanted some input here. We just feel that everything should be talked about out front and if it doesn't seem to be going right then we just leave it and go on. In all honesty it's not the race, it's more maybe trying to avoid an uncomfortable moment in the middle of everything. We really just want this to be good. Quote Share this post Link to post
Mariposa_y_Oso 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Oh, I'd agree with that - not everyone is compatible. It's just that in your original post, you said that he'd have to to, "really impress her in every way". The point I was trying to make (and did a poor job of) was that if you look hard enough, you can find something wrong with just about everyone: "His teeth are too white" "Her breasts are too large" "His clothes are too expensive" "She has an extra nostril" See what I mean? I'm not saying you don't have the right to be choosy. Hell, you have every right to exclude every other person on the planet based on whatever criterea you want if you so choose. I was just cautioning you on holding someone up to a higher standard simply because of race. It came across as sounding like, "well, he's already black, so only if everything else is absolutely perfect about him, he may barely squeak by our standards". I realize this isn't what you said, and in all likelyhood, not what you meant, but it is how it came across. For all you know, he could be a fantastic guy. I'm just advising you to give him the same shot as you would a hispanic/white/Martian/etc. guy. Folks is folks. There are good, bad, and ugly all around us in every possible package imaginable. Cheers! ~Mike (An equal opportunity fornicator) Quote Share this post Link to post
Mariposa_y_Oso 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by OhioCouple To answer your question, regardless of skin color I would not hesitate to be fully involved in every aspect with someone to whom I am attracted to, just as if some hot looking blonde caught my eye (which isn't my hair color of choice) I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to enjoy him to the fullest. It wouldn't even cross my mind. Lori Hey Ri... What about powerfully built men with shaved heads and goatees? We need full enjoying, too! Cheers! ~Mike Quote Share this post Link to post
OhioCouple 41 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by Mariposa_y_Oso ...I'm a Deggo/Mick hybrid. Hmmm, so tell me Mike is it true what they say about........naw, you'ld probably lie to me anyway, never mind. Lori Quote Share this post Link to post
THTS 15 Posted January 14, 2003 I cant beleive you guys are slamming him like this... so he wants to be choosy because the guy is black... isnt that his choice? Maybe he has bad expereinces with black people in the past... maybe his wife doesnt find black men all that attractive UNLESS they have very specific qualities.. This is the LAST place I would have ever expected political correctedness. They ARENT fucking the guys personality.... they are fucking his body... Personally I find very FEW black women attractive.... but if they have a VERY specific set of qualities they can be the most gorgeous people on Earth... doesnt mean I have an opinion about their personalitties either way until I get to know them. I think you all are reading WAY too much into his post. Quote Share this post Link to post
OhioCouple 41 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by Mariposa_y_Oso Hey Ri... What about powerfully built men with shaved heads and goatees? We need full enjoying, too! My apologies for leaving out all the bald headed men out there! In your case Mike we just have to consider the goatee coloring and the powerful build would be an added bonus. Lori Quote Share this post Link to post
Mariposa_y_Oso 15 Posted January 14, 2003 THTS? I wasn't aware that I was slamming anyone. I've gone back and re-read his reply to me and it didn't appear that HE thought I was slamming him, either. Perhaps you should re-read his original post, it ended with this: Has anyone dealt with this, is it just something in our head or is there a common hesitancy in the "black thing" or in this particular area? He was asking for our opinions. I don't look much like a bible prophet, so I don't generally try to blow smoke up people's asses and tell them that what I say is written in stone. I was merely offering an opinion, which was solicited by Marco... Cheers! ~Mike (dispenser of the Chill Pills) Quote Share this post Link to post
Mariposa_y_Oso 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by OhioCouple Hmmm, so tell me Mike is it true what they say about........naw, you'ld probably lie to me anyway, never mind. Lori Me? Lie? NEVER! You should know by now that my biggest fault is sharing too much info. Besides, I've already admitted that I'm an ogre and a mutant. Imagine Shrek with a goatee. That's pretty much me - except I have really cute ears. :p ~Mike PS The stories are all TRUE! I think.... unless they are bad... in which case..... THEY LIE LIKE DOGS ON THE PORCH! Quote Share this post Link to post
OhioCouple 41 Posted January 14, 2003 Originally posted by marco We just feel that everything should be talked about out front and if it doesn't seem to be going right then we just leave it and go on. This is very important. Talking and communication are as important, if not more important in my opinion as "No means No". Continue to talk with each other and feel free to ask questions here. No one is here is judging you or trying to decide what is best for you, we can only offer opinions based on our own experiences. Someone in this thread said that it is very hard to determine exactly what someone means through mere type. Without the body language or inflection of voice. It really is a matter of playing a guessing game. As for leaving it and going on. Yes, if something doesn't go well you need to make sure you can get past it, but you need to talk about it with each other so that you don't get yourself into that situation again. Lori Quote Share this post Link to post
marco 15 Posted January 14, 2003 Hey, Hey now let me apologize, it was only a question, don't mean to upset the apple cart. I think Oso, Lori, and THTS all have the right frame of mind. Now on with the discussion..........from now on though I will em THTS and they can post for me.....or just say Ditto......or let R post, after all I am just a tim allen grunt grunt type of man. Thanks,,,,really Quote Share this post Link to post
Quin 17 Posted January 19, 2003 Besides, I've already admitted that I'm an ogre and a mutant I suppose then that I should plan on reading about you when the new Meredith book comes out this year by Laurell K. Hamilton. TNT....you KNOW what I'm Talking bout!! Quin ()() Quote Share this post Link to post
KajiKurai 15 Posted January 21, 2003 This is just another opinion to add to the fold. One particular portion of the post really caught my attention so this if where my focus will lie. 'She asked me if I would think less of her and I told her no.' I'm going to call this a longshot (hopefully well-thought) as to why she'd ask that question. I don't know her upbringing or what her family life was like but back in the day so to speak a non-black woman sleeping with a black man was a cardinal sin. People died because of the standard that was kept in some parts of the country back then, and maybe even now, which is sad to say. Even in society now if you reversed the situation the person who was black might be called a sell-out. Pretty sad that this thinking has happened over the years and has been passed on to others. When it all boils down to it we all bleed red. "she has some reservations about it herself, but at the end I asked her "Would you feel comfortable enough to enjoy it"' -- Your reply to her tells me that you really care about her. Talk with her and keep talking with her. As for her reservations talk with her about where those stem from. Include him in some of the conversation, he's been black all of his life and has probably seen firsthand reservations from a woman who was not black. The three of you might gain some really valuable insights. If after all of this, all parties are still willing have a great time. Wish you the best, KajiKurai Quote Share this post Link to post
youngish56 15 Posted January 23, 2003 Sometimes I get the impression that about every third or fourth thread should have a repetitive, automatic injection of - "personal attacks are like the people who make them - they suck". Any site is so much more enjoyable if all the people would just refrain from personal attacks. They have no constructive value. Quote Share this post Link to post
