What does it mean to be "open-minded"?

[Spoomonkey 420]

THIS IS A PURELY PHILOSOPHICAL THREAD. AS IN ALL THINGS PHILOSOPHICAL, THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER - JUST DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES.

 

The thread The swinging industry needs to be less homophobic to men has brought up a common question/misperception about the lifestyle. Started as a discussion about alternative sexual choices, the assertion has been made that swingers are not particularly "open minded". This has been made, I think, without anyone really discussing what it means to be "open-minded".

 

The point has been made on this site before that we are not - as swingers - more "open-minded" than the rest of the population. I am not so sure about that. And I think we might "disagree" only as a matter of degrees - or one of definitions.

 

What does it mean to be "open-minded"?

 

The way this accusation is commonly leveled is that we are not accepting - to the point of being closely involved with - another persons sexual choices; i.e. we don't want it around us.

 

If that is truly the working definition than it is absolutely accurate as we ALL have things that we may not want to have around. Personally, I am not interested in dedicating a room in our club or house party to "breeder parties" or "coprophragia". I would suspect, though, that applying this definition would mean that there is literally no one who is truly "open-minded".

 

But I prefer this definition: o·pen-mind·ed adj. Having or showing receptiveness to new and different ideas or the opinions of others.

 

I think we are all very receptive to different ideas. And generally speaking we are a very tolerant group. For example, and I will use Mr Menage again, Mrs Spoo and I are not "poly". But we respect those who are and do not judge them or question their choices. We think people who can succeed at a polyamorous relationship are amazing. While it is not something that we would want to try - it is certainly something that we respect and accept as a valid lifestyle (and sexual) choice.

 

By the definition above, we are quite "open-minded" towards those who are poly.

 

That is an example. So - are we "open-minded" as a "culture" (of swingers) or not?

[BradAndJanet 70]

...

 

What does it mean to be "open-minded"? ...

To some it means you agree with their opinion.

 

I don't think swingers are any more or less 'open minded' than the general population, just like we're not any more or less 'hard-bodied' either.

[Spoomonkey 420]

I don't think swingers are any more or less 'open minded' than the general population, just like we're not any more or less 'hard-bodied' either.

 

How so?

 

I am putting you on the spot because I know I can - and you are in Seattle, so you can't beat me up...

 

Ask the general population if swinging is "wrong" and my thought is you would hear, "yes - quite wrong." Not "it isn't for me, but it is cool if you do it." In fact, if we were to reveal that we were swingers, it would be something that would cause the general population to withdraw our dinner invitations

 

However, we'd invite poly folks, bisexual folks, BDSM folks, etc. over for dinner and not have a problem at all.

 

I think in swinging you find a lot more "if you enjoy it and aren't hurting anyone, go for it" than you would in the general population.

[lovinher 505]

I think more or less swingers by definition would have to be more open minded than the general population. Think about how you would be judged if you suddenly told everybody your a swinger. That said we all have limits. IMO, a soft swing couple is more open minded than a vanilla couple but a full swap couple might not think so. Just as a couple who plays alone without their partners might think a full swap couple isn't as open minded as they are.

I guess it all depends on where you are at on the open minded ladder.

 

In the thread you are referring to, the OP made accusations that because you are not into seeing male bi activity that you must be close minded. It is possible to be open minded about bi males even if you would rather not see it. I don't want to see it but I would have no problem playing with a couple with a bi male as long as he understood my parts were off limits. Anybody who has gay friends knows they can be some of the funniest people to be around but I don't want to see them having sex.

 

To put a twist on this, how about those who look down on or accuse those that have limits of not being open minded. Not everybody has an anything goes philosophy. I believe those that have a problem with soft swap couples or couples who do have limits are somewhat close minded also.

[BradAndJanet 70]

I'm using the old 'grocery store' analogy. You know, the one where people ask us what swingers look like and we tell them to go to the grocery store and look around. I'm also basing that on the long-gone political conversations (and good-riddance) we had here years ago.

 

Now, if you're talking open-minded only from a sexual point of view, I might agree that swingers are somewhat more open minded about those subjects than the general population. However, you'll still find plenty of YKINOK (Your Kink Is Not OK) among swingers, I think.

 

And, I will be back someday, so I can still hunt you down!

[Chicup 41]

I think the problem isn't the term it is the way some people define it, improperly.

 

For many being 'open minded' really means 'naive' .

 

Lets take an obvious example like 'power crystals'.

 

Person 1 - 'This crystal I have on my nightstand will help purge the impure energies in my room.'

Person 2 - 'That crystal isn't doing anything about energies, no study has ever shown a crystal to have any special healing aspects, energies, or otherwise.'

Person 1 - 'You are so close minded!'

 

Now in sexual issues what open minded seems to mean to many is complete embracing what whatever fetish/orientation/perversion they have.

 

Example:

 

Person 1 - 'Come on, don't tell me you never thought about what it would be like giving a bj to another man?'

 

Person 2 - 'I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but it really doesn't appeal to me in the least.'

 

Person 1 - 'Oh come on and be open minded, just try it, I bet you like it.'

 

Person 2 - 'No really, I don't want to.'

 

Person 1 - 'I thought you swingers were more open minded!'

 

Now for me, being open minded means I'm willing to consider something new without rejecting it out of hand without proper thought and study. I can accept or reject something based on that process, be it sexual or intellectual. It is the same thought process that led me into swinging despite having absolutely no exposure to anything like it prior.

[good times 991]

I also maintained for quite some time that swingers are no more open minded than the general population. I still believe that to some extent because I consider myself part of the general population and not so long ago didn't even know what a swinger was. Yet, I can honestly say that I am no more open minded now than I was before I got involved in swinging.

 

I will say though that my view of the open mindedness of the general population is based on the people I know who live in my area of the world. In the last few years we have traveled around the country from coast to coast. One thing that has struck me during those travels is that we live in an area of the world where people seem to be much more open minded than the average. I now can see that were I to live in some other places in the world, I may be considered more open minded than most.

 

As it is, my vanilla friends do not consider me very open minded at all. Enough so that many of them often tease me about it. I tend to have very rigid political views, I am very anti-drug on a personal level and haven't ever experimented with any illegal drugs (I don't have any problems with others doing drugs, I am just not willing to go there). So, While compared to my vanilla friends I might be considered more open minded about sex than they are, overall I am not as open minded as them on many other subjects.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

It's all relative to the perspective of the person that is stating it. It relates to your views on what is "normal." And the farther you deviate from the your personal normal the more closed minded you'll be about it.

 

For instance. Most of us will readily admit that coprophragia is pretty disgusting. (coprophragia: a sexual pariphilia where a person is aroused by eating poop or having someone else eat their poop.)

 

However, a person that partakes in such an activity may or may not expect others to be accepting or tolerant of his lifestyle. If he thinks everyone else is crazy for not being open minded enough to try it, then I would call him closed minded. He is expecting other people to think like him and is intolerant that they could be thinking differently. If he expects that other people might be pessimistic, and understands that they might not like to partake in his acts, then I would call him very open minded.

 

Lets look at that from the other perspective as well. If a person thinks that a person that practices coprophragia is in some way sick and that they should not be doing it, then they are closed minded. When that person think that what a person does in their own bedroom is their own business and if he enjoys it and it doesn't hurt anyone, then he should go ahead and do it, then he is open minded.

 

It has very little to do with what we want to see, and rather what we are tolerant of allowing others to do. Which in my mind is anything that doesn't harm anyone that isn't consenting about the situation.

 

There are some of those as well. Lets go ahead and list some of them:

 

Biastophilia: sexual pleasure from committing rape

Exhibitionism and voyeurism, if lacking mutual agreement.

Frotteurism: sexual arousal through rubbing one's self against an unknowing stranger in public

Lust murder: sexual arousal through committing murder

Necrophilia: sexual attraction to corpses

Necrozoophilia: sexual attraction to the corpses or killings of animals (also known as necrobestiality)

Pedophilia: sexual attraction to peripubescent or pre-pubescent minors

Renfield's syndrome: clinical vampirism, or a compulsion to drink blood as a sexually-arousing act . (non-consenting)

Telephone scatologia: being sexually aroused by making obscene telephone calls (How funny is that)

Zoophilia: emotional or sexual attraction to animals

Zoosadism: the sexual enjoyment of causing pain and suffering to animals.

 

Wow, that is quite an offensive list of pariphilias. And I feel quite happy about being completely closed minded about those.

 

But there are others that I am completely open minded about and the list is far too long to list here. But here is the link: List of Pariphilias at Wiki

 

Now, there are some on that list that although I am completely open minded about in regards that I would be fine with other people doing them, I would not practice them:

 

Autonephioplia: (a.k.a diaper fetishism) sexual arousal from diapers

Coprophilia: sexual attraction to (or pleasure from) feces

Dendrophilia: sexual attraction to trees and other large plants, popularized by the movie Superstar with Molly Shannon

Emetophilia (a.k.a. vomerophilia): sexual attraction to vomit

Eproctophilia: sexual attraction to flatulence

Incestophilia: sexual attraction to one's own family

Infantilism: sexual pleasure from dressing, acting, or being treated as a baby

 

The list goes on and on. But basically, as long as no one is being harmed, and everyone is consenting, I am FINE with them doing that. Have fun!

 

Am I going to do that myself? Not gonna happen? Am I close minded? I sure think not. Could you really call me that if I am perfectly accepting of those that get off on such activities? I don't think it's fair to do so.

 

Now, with that being said, and I hate to "cross jump hijack" a thread, although I am completely open minded about these acts, I am in no way in favor of watching them in a club. I don't think that makes me close-minded either. Because just as some things are a turn-on for them, they are a turn-off for me.

 

And for them to expect what turns them on, not to turn me off, is being very close minded of them.

 

WHEW! Hope you guys enjoyed that post.

(And btw, Homosexuality was recently removed from that list due to an outcry that it was not an actual psychological condition that could be "treated." I think for the purposes of this argument homosexuality could be added without any issues. That being said, female homosexuality is a turn-on for me, but male homosexuality is a no go. If you don't like my views, quit being closed minded! )

[Mr. Truelove 81]

THIS IS A PURELY PHILOSOPHICAL THREAD. AS IN ALL THINGS PHILOSOPHICAL, THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER - JUST DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES.

 

This statement is quite ironic in a thread about open or closed mindedness. A close minded person would immediately want to say what is right or wrong. No?

[VegasLee 1,486]

I see a couple answers that I agree with here but that does not make them or me right or wrong.

 

In many years of going to 1000's of parties and being around 1000's of swingers I don't really think Swingers as a whole are more open minded them Most.

 

It depends on what the subject is weather they are open minded or not. That is the same with all people, not just any one group. (Swingers, gays, straights, bi, etc.)

 

We have straight friends that know we are Swingers. They are "live and let live" type people. We have swinger friends that hate gays or bi men.... Live and let live?

 

I don't think we can say any one "group" is more open minded then any other group. It all comes down to the person, not the group that they relate to.

 

I have also noticed opinions, or open minded varies greatly depending on what part of the country or world people come from. Again I am not sure it is about being open minded as it is the person.

 

Good topic Spoo! One that can make a person think.

[mackie44 15]

Comparing male bisexuality to kinks or fetishes is fallacious, as I have already pointed out on the other thread. Male bisexuality is an orientation, not a fetish. Drawing the line against male bisexuality by citing opposition to kinks or fetishes is an incorrect form of argument and does a disservice to gaining a proper perspective on the issue.

 

At the end of the day, when a swing club bans male bisexuality, it is practicing prejudice. Contrast this with the open arms attitude to female bisexuality, and you have a clear case of hypocrisy.

[LOL_OMG 130]

I would offer the opinion that once experiencing the lifestyle in some way, you tend to look for people of the same swinger mindset as new acquaintances.....

 

Therefore being more closed minded (or less intrigued) to vanilla relationships.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Comparing male bisexuality to kinks or fetishes is fallacious, as I have already pointed out on the other thread. Male bisexuality is an orientation, not a fetish. Drawing the line against male bisexuality by citing opposition to kinks or fetishes is an incorrect form of argument and does a disservice to gaining a proper perspective on the issue.

 

At the end of the day, when a swing club bans male bisexuality, it is practicing prejudice. Contrast this with the open arms attitude to female bisexuality, and you have a clear case of hypocrisy.

 

When it isn't your orientation it doesn't matter what you call it. It's observable like any other fetish. And therefore to people observing that aren't orientated that way, will be treated the same.

 

The thread wasn't about what is allowed in the club, nor prejudice. It was what open-mindedness means. I was simply trying to state how open-mindedness can be a reference state no different than you would apply to fetishes. Are you trying to say people cannot be orientated towards trees? I bet that person would beg to differ.

 

Also, the word you are looking for is not prejudice, it's discrimination. Private clubs by definition choose what type of people they wish to allow. What makes homosexuality (sexual attraction to members of the same sex) so special that it should be excluded from the discrimination list over things such as Plushophilia? (sexual attraction to stuffed toys or people in animal costume, such as theme park characters)

 

You can always start your own private club that has it's own list of discriminations.

 

(Sorry for the divergence in thread topic)

[intuition897 2,179]

I think being open minded has nothing to do with what one approves or disapproves of, because that's just a matter of individual preference. Those are just the frills and fluff. Those are the things that people react to, but it's the reactions themselves that give away whether or not an individual is open-minded.

 

Being open-minded just means being willing to give an idea its day in court. It means being unafraid of the truth, whatever it may be. It has nothing to do with our agreeability to a thing; it just means that we will hear it out before jumping to conclusions and making rash decisions. But in the end, my opinion may very well remain the same if I am unconvinced.

 

For example, it's not unheard of for cheaters to show up here and accuse us of being "closed-minded" because we hypocritically refuse to accept him (or her) as one of us. "I thought swingers were supposed to be so open-minded..." he'll jab. What he misses is the fact that we have considered the differences between cheating and swinging, and we have weighed them with an open mind. And we have made a decision that one is bad and the other is good. I'm definitely open-minded, but I'm not about to send my soul to hell in a handbasket to prove it to the likes of people like that.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

Intuition, I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you for keeping things in perspective this morning for me.

 

Maybe I'm a closed minded swinger, I don't care.

 

Swinging has been about me and mrs.fun, our open-mindedness towards each other.

 

We have gay friends, we have bi friends, and straight friends also. They have told us personally that they appreciate our open-mindedness that we are not judgmental towards them.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Your definition of open mindedness is correct Spoo. Every one of us is unique in our own way. We all come from different backgrounds, religions, cultures, and we all have different experiences in life.

 

As far as being open minded to gay men, Chicup hit the nail on the head with his examples. You can't make someone gay just because you feel that gay is right. What works for one person, may not work for another. That does not make them any more close-minded or open-minded as the other person.

 

Like myself for instance. I tried being with a woman, but it's just not for me. Do I feel that bi women are less than me? No, i do not. I can hang around or be with bi women, as long as they know not to push what she like on me. I don't mind seeing in the clubs either. Men are a different story. As long as it is done in a private room, I see no problem with it. I am open-minded enough to know that there is a demand. So you may have to make adjustments to the liking of other people need too.

[ownerspet 506]

My 2 Cents:

 

Bluntly open mindedness like any perception is defined by the norms of the person and environment around that person. As a result: as the environment changes constantly for each individual periodically, and definitely from person to person, then the perception of what open mindedness is will change.

 

Open mindedness according to me comes in different levels. I don't believe everyone is totally open minded.

 

It is not the willingness to participate or engage in any new or unfamiliar activity with or without prior thought, and accept everyone regardless.

 

It is the willingness to accept individuals participating in activities that differ from one's own activities and the process of considering participating in new or unfamiliar activities with prior thought: Prior thought to me involves considering "Do I think I will enjoy the activity?", "Are there any consequences of the activity, even if I enjoy the activity?", and "If there are consequences of the activity and I enjoy the activity, Can I deal with or accept the activity?"

 

Accepting Others participating in Different Activities: While I may accept a large cross section of individuals which participate in different activities, and some religious affiliated individuals in my cross section of acquaintances, I can't stand to be around Bible Thumpers or Religious Fanatics that want to engage in shoving their beliefs down my throat.

 

So As a Result: I consider myself to have a high degree/level of open-mindedness, I don't believe anyone is totally accepting of everyone or 100% open-minded or accepting of all individuals regardless of differences. So at best I believe people reach a 90-95% level, because all of us have those individuals we refuse to deal with or accept.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Accepting Others participating in Different Activities: While I may accept a large cross section of individuals which participate in different activities, and some religious affiliated individuals in my cross section of acquaintances, I can't stand to be around Bible Thumpers or Religious Fanatics that want to engage in shoving their beliefs down my throat.

 

This tends towards a whole different topic but I'll keep my response on this topic. I think that part of being open-minded is as you said accepting that others do participate in activities and beliefs that you don't choose to, but also accepting that others do NOT participate in activities and beliefs that you DO choose to. It is understanding that everyone is different and that what one person may choose to do another may decide is not for them, and at the same time not trying to push your own views down someone else's throat just because they don't choose to do /believe/ act the same way that you do.

 

Open-mindedness is accepting others for who they are, and allowing yourself to discover who you are through thought as well as trial and error.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Open-mindedness is accepting others for who they are, and allowing yourself to discover who you are through thought as well as trial and error.

 

Well said!

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

Julie just stated this wonderfully. Almost exactly, what I was getting ready to type myself. So, a big thanks you to Julie for saving me the time.

 

I consider myself extremely open minded about things, but most people I know do not see me that way because I tend to be very opinionated. I personally do not care what others do in their personal life as long as they are not hurting anyone and they do not expect others to participate. If we dig hard, enough we could find something that every one of us is closed minded about. For many of us it would have to be something extreme, for others it is many things especially when it comes to spiritual or political matters, as well as sexual ones. In my experiences theses three areas seem to cause the most close mindedness, I suspect it has to do with insecurities. Therefore, when I made the comment in the other post about swingers being no more open minded than the rest of the population, it was from this point of view that I was speaking.

[DBL D 120]

I think open-mindedness is something that we all use and practice only when necessary. Like Intuition, I am open-minded about something until I make a decision about how I want to live my life. I remain tolerant though of those who disagree, until push comes to killing...Then I will fight for my right to live or think how I feel best about things.

 

I think that is really what open-minded means...tolerance of other ideas. I would only ask for the same...

 

We say we want an open-minded person because it is easier to deal with someone who is like that in the initial stages of a relationship.

 

In the sexual arena, open-minded may mean someone who is experienced in doing a variety of activities that you may enjoy together.

 

I don't really think that swingers are more open minded than the GP, although I used to feel so. We are looking for like-minded people. That says it best.

[havefuninsun 122]

GREAT thread! I agree with Intuition and DBL D -- open-mindedness, to me, is the ability to digest different ideas and opinions. Once I have formed my own opinion and I don't want to digest anymore information about it, I hope that I can tolerate other opinions as well, even if they're not my own.

 

There are subjects that all of us will "close" off -- and even not have the ability to tolerate other views. And that's OK too.

 

To answer Spoo's specific question, I don't think being a swinger makes you more or less open-minded. More open-minded to sharing your partner with others, yes, but there are always subjects that folks do not have an open mind about (e.g., look at the threads we've had about swinging with different races, etc. There are a lot of swingers who could be considered close-minded about those experiences. And at the end of the day, it's simply their choice. Some of us agree with those choices, some of us don't, and some of us just don't care).

[BCinIN 52]

My view on open-mindedness is that it's great for those who don't know about something yet, and detrimental to those who do. Real knowledge solves once and for all the question at hand (whatever it may be), and eliminates open-mindedness in favor of what is the correct path (often, this is a subjective path for each individual).

 

For example: Person A is a swinger. Person B is not. Both have read all about it, and both have tried it (this last is important for Person B, because real knowledge comes not without experience--hating something you've never tried is nothing more than indoctrination based on hearsay). Persons A and B are now both closed-minded, and could argue endlessly about whether swinging is acceptable without altering each other's perception one bit. Who is right? Of course, we know what the majority of people here would say, and we also know that the majority of people in general would condemn us for it. If they could (and sometimes in some places they can), they would take the choice away entirely. I, for one, am very thankful that "tyranny by majority rule" is still only a partial reality.

 

I personally think moral relativism is a nice excuse to justify selfish/deviant/evil acts...however, in some life issues it is a valid concept. I personally don't think swinging itself is a black-and-white morality issue. Some people do it for reasons to which I am absolutely opposed, while others condemn it with no knowledge whatsoever of what it's really like. Then there are people on both sides who make sense...regardless, we've made our choice. So our minds are now closed, and for the better.

 

Can one, or should one, ever re-open one's mind? Sure! At times, new information or experience lends new knowledge...a clearer, fuller picture is formed in the mind, and opinions can change (sometimes drastically, and rapidly). I've met former swingers who seethe at the mention of it now, and I also know more than a few people who formerly couldn't stand the idea, but now can be found at a club almost every weekend (I swear I had nothing to do with it!).

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is one of the deepest threads I've seen on here.... anyone else wanna add their thoughts to it?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

This is one of the deepest threads I've seen on here.... anyone else wanna add their thoughts to it?

 

It is a good thread.

 

I can't add anything that hasn't been hit on already, but I'll throw out my thoughts on what having an open mind means (which will sound very similar to some already stated above).

 

If I am open-minded, it means I can listen to an idea, thought, suggestion, etc. and use reason to decide it's validity. For me, it's the ability to remove emotion from the context and weigh an opinion based purely on the merits of the case.

 

I think I said it before on here, but my philosophy is "pursue pleasure, but not at the expense of another person's pleasure". Basically, anything that occurs between consenting adults is their business and I'm not going to judge their choices. Their choices may not be mine, but that is not relevant. I think this allows me to be open-minded (by my definition).

 

Now, as for swingers and their open-mindedness vis-à-vis the vanilla world: I don't know the answer. As mentioned by others, I've met some very open-minded folks in the swing world. I've also met some very close-minded ones as well. Some close-minded enough that I find it disturbing. This parallels what I've found in the vanilla world.

 

I suppose all we have is anecdotal evidence. I vaguely recall something being touched on this in one of the old research papers about swinging. It may have been The Case of Swingers (You Google it. I'm lazy tonight).

 

Wow. That was a rambling clusterfuck of a post. I'll stop now.

[lustylearning 705]

This is a fascinating topic. Hubby and I weren't in the lifestyle very long before we came to the conclusion that swingers, as a whole, were not more open-minded than the average.

 

To me - I exclude my husband from this because I'm sure he'd have different thoughts to add - the open-minded individual is one who accepts that everyone is unique. The open-minded person may have opinions, personal preferences, a belief system, but that person does not say to self or others, "This is the right way. And those who do not agree are wrong." The open-minded person can acknowledge that "This is my way. Your way may be different, but it is still valid."

 

There are some things I think are "wrong," no matter what. But what takes place between consenting adults is not really for me to judge. We all can and do advise. We share our knowledge and educate one another. This board is, in some ways, one large, open mind.

[Dienekes 25]

Intuition pretty much nailed this one for me.

 

I have spent years in contemplative training; different methods of meditation, awareness training, breath training, working with others who have wildly different backgrounds, ideas and experiences...

 

For me, this has led me to develop my 'own' version of open-mindedness, which i consider to be the ability to be present with another person or group of people, without re-acting to them or their thoughts.

 

It does not mean I need agree with a single word of anything they have said, but it means I don't have a visceral reaction in my own body that closes the ability to communicate with them, both verbally and physically.(Remember as much as 90% of communication is non-verbal)

 

For example:

 

I was in MX recently and was watching a local performance. A drunk man approached me and started railing about Bush, and then proceeded to talk about God. I had no reaction to him one way or another. I simply remained open to his ramblings and treated him with compassion. Whether i agree or not is irrelevant. The ability to remain emotionally neutral, mentally available, and physically present is my definition of open-mindedness.

 

I can certainly foresee things that would more than push my ability to remain in this state of mind, but i find hit highly doubtful that i will ever actually encounter such things in my life, as they are not people, situations, or events that i would seek out in any way.

 

I really think open-mindedness is about not reacting to other's views or thoughts, and maintaining the ability to be present, not checked out, simply because you dont 'believe' or understand what they are talking about and/or why.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Depends on which side of the swinger fence you are standing on.

 

We have a lot of people that come here and "expect" us to be open-minded about anything and everything they decide to talk about. This is never going to be true.

 

I may not be open-minded all the time, but I try to be respectful of other people. That's the best I can do.

[twoforone100 45]

To be open minded...Well I think that swingers are at a least a little more open-minded than the general public. But they are not all the same and they do have beliefs that some will not like... Be it bi males, single males, drugs, poly, single females, politics, and all the other things we as a people disagree on. We have thought about these and other issues we have come to conclusions about them... Do we have to think about them every time they come up? When you hear the same sad set of "facts"? Now we are open to new information. Always. But if being open-minded means we have to in the end agree with you well that won't happen. Jedi mind tricks won't work with us.

 

To be a " swinger" you have already thought outside of the big box. You have decided to live by your own rules. That is pretty open minded. Now in this political correct world where it seems you have to think x, y, and z or you are not "progressive". Where you can't ask questions where you have to fall in line with the " party". What is open minded... The question is getting harder and harder to answer. It's funny We don't really fit with anyone... sure we agree with some on some things and with others on other things. Some will say we have an open mind others won't...go figure. I guess it depends on if they have an open mind... YMMV

[DesireCancunCpl 32]

If I see an adult profile where the woman is listed as bi-curious and the male as listed as straight and their profile indicates that they are "open minded", then I tend to think that "open minded" tends to be a "code phrase" for interest in bi-male play. That way, the poster doesn't have to reveal his bi side. Just my thoughts.

[Pensacolapair 394]

.....It is not the willingness to participate or engage in any new or unfamiliar activity with or without prior thought, and accept everyone regardless.

 

It is the willingness to accept individuals participating in activities that differ from one's own activities and the process of considering participating in new or unfamiliar activities with prior thought: Prior thought to me involves considering "Do I think I will enjoy the activity?", "Are there any consequences of the activity, even if I enjoy the activity?", and "If there are consequences of the activity and I enjoy the activity, Can I deal with or accept the activity?"

 

Well put!

There is an assertion that I've seen made quite frequently on this board and others: "Swingers are more open-minded" - and to be honest, every time I do, it never fails to make me chuckle. I would submit that a more accurate statement would be: "Swingers are more open-minded about sex." (And even that is an easily challenged statement!)

 

There are Swingers who, on social issues, are Liberals - There are Swingers who are Conservatives - There are Swingers who are Centerists (If you really want to see excellent examples of all-around rampant close-mindedness, read the Politics Forum over the last 6 months on SLS - )

 

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on sexual orientation

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on status (single, married, etc)

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on race

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on physical appearance

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on age

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on height/weight proportions

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on perceived financial status

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on dick or breast size

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on who they are perceived to have played with

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on how they play (soft swap, full swap, etc)

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on shaved or unshaved genitals

There are Swingers who make decisions on interest in playing with others based on whether or not they have tattoos or piercings

 

All of the above are issues that are hotly debated, pro and con, on this and every other site that has a forum or message board, and yes, I know... all of these things normally hang out in the category of preference - but how many times do we see those on the losing end of said decisions accuse the decider of not being 'open-minded'?

 

Those of us in this Lifestyle are simply a sub-set of society in general. The only thing that we do differently is have sex with other people in a manner that is not consistent with the accepted societal norm...and we're not singularly unique in that. The idea that just because you swing you will, by default, be 'open-minded' on everything flies in the face of fact...and sets a person who unreasonably expects Lifestylers to be so up for a big shock!

[Playful1 434]

I find swingers, as a whole, to judge people just as much as others do.

 

Whether it be because of the way they swing (playing a lot without making friends first, or vice versa) or because they are a bisexual male, or because they engage in BDSM, or because they don't spend 6 days a week in the gym (or because they do), the list could go on and on.

 

Every group likes to have some group they can feel "better than" and swingers are no different.

 

Just to be clear, I'm not holding myself above anyone...I have my own prejudices, etc. Just being honest.

[willyoats 324]

Years ago we went to a weekend swing convention in St Louis. The same weekend, in that hotel there were two other conventions going on: 1) Bible salesmen; and 2) cross dressers.

 

Guess which were the more open-minded?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Years ago we went to a weekend swing convention in St Louis. The same wekeend, in that hotel there were two other conventions going on: 1) Bible salesmen; and 2) cross dressers.

 

Guess which were the more open-minded?

 

The Bible Salesmen?