Are you surprised that you became a swinger - looking back and your life before?

[sexypairca 41]

If years ago someone had told you that you were going to be a swinger, would you have believed them? Do you ever sit back and wonder how you got here (swinging that is)?

 

A couple of weeks back we were at a club. I was watching a group on the dance floor and suddenly found it odd that I was there. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being there.

 

I sat back and recalled the whole process that we went through from day one. All of the fantasies that were shared, the endless reading about the lifestyle, the ads and clubs, the people. There we were sitting in a swingers club, chatting up a few couples on a Saturday night. It all seems so strange some days, a good strange though .

 

Has anyone else surprised themselves?

[Handyman69 15]

I probably was one of the biggest prude you ever saw about 2 1/2 years ago. Very old-fashion and just down right boring. Here I am, having lots of fun and ...oh yes...fantasies are being fulfilled.

Do I regret it...NO WAY Enjoying life very much these days.

 

Just can't believe the changes in myself. My hubby just sits back and smiles. He too is quite surprised with the changes and is loving it. Mid-life crisis.....Na....just finally let the door open.

 

I agree...strange...yes, but don't want to change anything.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was far from a prude but when I was single if anyone had ever told me I was going to be a swinger after I got married I would have laughed in their face. I had some friends who were married with open relationships and just couldn't understand how they did it. I had it in my head that once you got married all that promiscuity you enjoyed as a single was done.

[KajiKurai 15]

Am I surprised. Definitely.

 

When I was in my early twenties of group of us from work went out to a nightclub. I was single at the time. I started dancing with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen to this day. Really surprised that we didn't get arrested or asked to leave.

 

She invited me back to the bar to meet her husband. I had been so caught up in the moment that I completely forgot my usual ringcheck and missed the rock on her finger that could have sank the Titanic. Needless to say I was pretty stunned at this point.

 

I asked her husband why he wasn't dancing with the wondrous creature that decided to marry him. He responded that he didn't dance. I told him he should take lessons.

 

In hindsight I realized that he was ecstatic to watch the interaction between myself and his wife and that I really should have taken them up on the offer of a "nightcap".

 

That was then and this is now...

[bimrdcpl 15]

Well,..where to start?LOL

 

I have always been in monogamous relationships, when there was a "relationship" established, but when there was no boyfriend/girlfriend rules set up, sex was sex whether it was one, two, three, etc., etc. So to consider being a "swinger", I don't think so. Until I was in a relationship, as casual as it was, where she wanted to be with a man and a woman at the same time. That was my first introduction into "swinging". I fell in love with the whole idea of it. Now don't get me wrong, I had already been with multiple partners, but it was different. It was cheating with her instead of on her. When the wife and I were in the early stages of our relationship, we had gotten all of our fantasies out in the open, and the group setting was in both of ours. After years of talking about it and browsing through the local swingers mags, we finally decided to go to a dance. And, as they say, the rest is history. So to make a long story even longer, , am I surprised? Yes, but at the same time no. I am surprised that we are in the lifestyle, and have had successful encounters, which have brought us closer together, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew that this was for me. Now it's her turn.

 

She says, that until she met me, she really had no idea that there was such a thing as swinging. That there were actually couples that met and played together. Is she surprised?, No. Actually relieved because she is such a sexual person, she does not have to be closed minded for the rest of her life. She is actually very glad that we became swingers.

[OhioCouple 40]

Two years ago, I didn't even know there was a term such as 'swinging' or 'lifestyle' (well lifestyles of the rich and famous.. ). I saw any form of sex or seduction as "cheating" if it wasn't with your mate.

 

If someone would have told me this 3 years ago, there would have been no way I would have believed it. Looking back on it now, I believe that I have known several 'swinger couples' and didn't realize it for what it was twenty years ago. It is also funny that we have run into several people that I have known for five or six years that are swingers and it floors me. I had been somewhat judgemental before hand, now I just smile and think you go girl!

 

It is great that you can have friends that you don't have to tip toe around when it comes to talking sex or fantasies. I couldn't imagine broaching half of the subjects we talk about with our swing friends, to my best friend. no way!

 

BTW, Annette, is that avatar your tat?

[marco 15]

Good question, we have come to the conclusion that I was destined to be in the lifestyle. I was 16 going on 25 and I received a call from out of the blue from a guy who had done some research on me somehow (small home town) and called to see if I would meet his wife at home while he was gone and fulfill some of their fantasies. He sent me pix of her (he would go to my mother's home late at night and leave them in some bushes under my window).

 

It really caught me off guard but it framed my thoughts about the sexual liberty that "adults" must have. Later while working at a fried chicken place I met a woman who would pay me just for her to perform oral sex on me. It would surprise everyone but my wife what my history is because no one else knows this. Through the years I have tried to keep the sensuality and eroticism alive in my life and my wife's.

[sexypairca 41]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

BTW, Annette, is that avatar your tat?

 

Yes it is, Julie was kind enough to size the pic for me. I am technologically challenged.

[p_cnaz 15]

When we got married 28 years ago, all of our friends were a bit on the wild side and we knew that they were having sex with others that were not their mate, but I didn't know there was a word for it...lol...to me it was very exciting to hear their stories because I had never been with another man other then my hubby. At that time hearing their stories was enough for me, because I thought I could never do what they were doing. These were very good friends and they knew that we were not ready for this so it was never pushed on us. Boy if we new then what we know now!!!!....

[Gwendolyn 15]

I am very surprised to be where my husband and I are. In all of the realatioships I have been in until now, the men I have been with would not have been able to handle it. I have let every person I have dated since I had my first experience with another woman know about it. They were into the thought, but too jealous to let it actually happen. I didn't get it. As I got older I figured out that most people confuse sex and love. They tie them up in the same knot. I now happily have a husband that thinks like I do. :evil: Sex is fun. If you can't have fun with it why do it?

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by Gwendolyn

I am very surprised to be where my husband and I are. In all of the relationships I have been in until now, the men I have been with would not have been able to handle it. I have let every person I have dated since I had my first experience with another woman know about it. They were into the thought, but too jealous to let it actually happen. I didn't get it. As I got older I figured out that most people confuse sex and love. They tie them up in the same knot. I now happily have a husband that thinks like I do. :evil: Sex is fun. If you can't have fun with it why do it?

 

You have hit the proverbial nail on the head darlin.

 

The reason could be explained by someone much more knowledgeable than me.

 

It has to do with tradition, primordial reproductive instincts, and upbringing etc. Sex and love are so interchangeable that some people think you can have one without the other.

 

It is impossible. You can't have sex without loving it....lol

 

Your on the right track. You love your man...he and you both love sex...so why not expand your three loves huh. John.

[Gwendolyn 15]

Oh trust me we have lots of fun. Just stating that it can be just as hard to find men that can deal with this as it is women. That jealousy thing seems to rear it's ugly head too often. It's so nice to find other people that also enjoy.....well other people;)

[WesternSwing 504]

Mrs. WS would answer "yes", she would never have believed it five years ago.

 

My vanilla friends who know, and my ex-wife, who knows about us also, are not surprised I am. One of my really good friends said "I thought so". My ex said "You always were on the edge of the lifestyle, anyway." (and now she is on the fringe herself). So am I surprised, yes. Is anyone that knows me well surprised, no.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I have to go back to my first marriage to answer this because when I met my current husband I was honest about what I had done before so I would know if he was accepting of what I had done and knew he had an open mind. I knew what swinging was when I was 15 when I ran across a book called Michigan Connection in my parents room (mom says she was appalled he brought it home and didn't consider it). I never really thought about it when we first got married but within months I confessed wanting to know what it was like to kiss and touch another girl. That led to a lot of talk about fantasies and eventually trying them out. I can't say that it surprised me though, it just felt like a natural progression of things. In my marriage now we talked about it and even dabbled in it here and there but we waited until we were solid in our marriage to go through with it so once again it just seemed like a natural progression of things.

[EvilMJ 65]

I think my husband would definately answer that he was quite surprised! He never would have entertained the idea just for the fact that he would never have anticpated his wife would do such a thing.

 

I would say that I am not the least bit surprised. I have always been very open about sex, adn have often found myself involved in some pretty crazy situations. But that's okay, I always have fun

[NaughtyDelight 16]

I probably was one of the biggest prude you ever saw about 2 1/2 years ago. Very old-fashion and just down right boring. Here I am, having lots of fun and ...oh yes...fantasies are being fulfilled.

Do I regret it...NO WAY Enjoying life very much these days.

 

Just can't believe the changes in myself. My hubby just sits back and smiles. He too is quite surprised with the changes and is loving it. Mid-life crisis.....Na....just finally let the door open.

 

I agree...strange...yes, but don't want to change anything.

 

Rhonda

 

I can relate to this big time.

But I have just finally opened up in the last few months.

For some reason I WAS just not a big fan of Sex.

But now my Husband Smiles everyday

 

Although we have yet to swing (just a matter of time)

 

So I say Yes, Surprised.

[Lotolaffs 15]

Yes I'm surprised, because I always felt that I was heading down the path of being a cheater. It was the fortunate experience of Mrs. Lotolaffs' first lesbian kiss two years ago, that set the wheels in motion towards swinging. And have there been any regrets? Hell, no! Despite any social stigma, I sure would rather be a swinger than an adulterer. I can sleep at night, but I don't know how the half of married couples who cheat can.

[adamgunn 1,460]

When I was in my twenties, my wife was a hotwife for a year (the term hadn't been invented yet,) and then after our divorce years later, I had two swapping incidents with a girlfriend. I loved that kind of thing.

 

Then I met the woman who was my second wife, we were monogamous for eighteen years. When we opened up our marriage, the only true surprise was how long it took us to realize that both what we wanted.

[couplers 4,640]

I'm not surprised that I feel comfortable being nonmonogamous, I had thoughts of having more than one partner even before puberty.  What surprises me is that I found others who think similarly and we've managed to pull it off.

[Guest]

I look back and I am more surprised that my first husband and I didn’t get into it.  We were married for over 20 years, did a lot of travel with friends to resorts, golf outings, girls long weekends, guys long weekends.  I high suspect that he and the guys screwed around.  He liked me to be his arm candy;  you know, look hot but not be a hot wife or even flirtatious, I was to be more of the introvert, he the life of the party. But, we did have one friend who, when we were going to a nice restaurant,  liked his wife and me to go in and sit at the bar and get started alone so other guys would come and flirt with us.  But, my husband just didn’t really get into it.  After he passed, I dated some and then when I met my current husband, we started swinging, started with an MFM and I loved it.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Chico, for a long time I was involved in the country-club scene, which sounds a lot like the environment you described. Yes, we were swingers part of that time. 

 

My observation was that first, most couples in that scene, like most couples everywhere, are faithful to each other. Or at least they didn't advertise their affairs. 

There were a share of men who had their affairs, some even brought their mistresses to the club with them. "Oh, this is Donna, she's just a friend." But the wives had to be publicly chaste. Something to do with 'the mother of my children.' 

 

[PSULioness 847]

I think I can answer for both of us, no, never, what are you, crazy. 

I was never overly sexual. I had boyfriends and sex that only happened with the one I was dating. I didn’t sleep around. 

I still think I was either the first or one of very few women my husband was with. 

My adventurous side came out in an unplanned bisexual encounter. I had no bi thoughts when it happened. 

My husband was only my bf and he was disgusted when I confessed my encounter. It took plenty of convincing to get him to agree to join in with one of my friends. 

I still wonder how this all started.