VERY Full Swap - He wants my wife all weekend...

[couple4fun2821 15]

OK here is the situation, We have a couple that we met once and played with once. SO been with twice. We really really liked them. We all have so much in common, it’s the first couple we have found that we have any desire to actually hang out with in a vanilla setting….. What I mean is we actually think of them as real friends. We all four get along great. We recently went on a weekend outing with them and attended a social on one of the nights. The whole weekend was pretty good. The thing is, is that the male from the other couple wants a FULL swap. I mean he wants to be my wife’s husband for the weekend. He wants to sleep in the bed with her, cuddle, kiss, dance, buy food for, everything. I really don’t mind all that too much. I mean I would like to at least actually sleep with my own wife (which I did. I made that clear) but his wife doesn’t seem to want the same, or she doesn’t receive the same. What I mean is that she doesn’t seem to want to me to do the same to her.. which again I really don’t care but it just seems odd. Also at the social we went to, they didn’t really want us talking to other people. They seemed to get annoyed if my wife mingled as she so often does. It was just kinda awkward at times. It seemed to us that they were the monogamous swinging couple that wanted to changes partners for the weekend. Has anyone ever some across anything like this? Oh and also, they told us about a couple they “met” at the social the weekend before who just happened to show up this weekend. They said the other couple was fun and that they only talked to them and didn’t play. We found out later they did play with them. Like I said My wife and I could care less if they did or not, it was just strange that they would out right lie about it.

[Alura 2,775]

It sounds like a time for a lot of conversation and compromise.

 

I can see the fun in being one-on-one for awhile. We find it to be a lot of fun to swap partners for dinner and sit at separate tables, not letting the Maitre 'd know how the marriages really work.

 

But one of our rules that has never been compromised is that we always sleep together.

 

Of course, y'all can do anything you like but I see some jealousy here that could result in unwanted drama. Still, if the couple are as perfect as you say, it's worth a lot of effort to enhance the understanding in such a way that all will be comfortable with the result.

 

Don't hold back; tell them all y'all's misgivings but stress that y'all like them a lot and want to work this "challenge" through. It y'all can't come to an understanding, as Mrs. Alura would say, "It was not meant to be."

 

Edit: We'd also stress how important truth is to us.

 

Good luck, and please keep us informed as the situation developes.

 

Mr. Alura

[VegasLee 1,486]

So much in common?

 

You say they have lied to you.

You say they have shown jealousy, they play with others but don't want you to even be social with others.

 

To me this might be adding to much to a relationship for the fun of having sex with other people. Seems that the drama is building with these people.

 

Do what works for you but personally I don't like to have to think this much to have a good time with anyone but my own wife.

[couple4fun2821 15]

 

To me this might be adding to much to a relationship for the fun of having sex with other people. Seems that the drama is building with these people.

 

Exactly, They are very new to the lifestyle. We are too but not so much so. The thing is we do have A LOT in common with them personally. We have found a few things that they are not honest with each other about. and the thing that they were not honest with us about. My wife and I have 100% communication no matter what. These two dont seem to have that level of communication so we are not sure if we can express these issues to them with out pushing them away, but if we don't, we get it resolved we think we might want to stop seeing them. So what to do there? Just, try to talk to them about it and hope for the best and if it doesn't work, then that is the best?

 

Then there is the issue of what seems to be jealousy about us being with other couples. Is that weird. We never boast about our experiances with couples to other couples, but if it comes up, it shouldn't be weird or create jealousy, right?

[Spoomonkey 421]

couple4fun2821 said:

but his wife doesn’t seem to want the same, or she doesn’t receive the same.

 

So - how this arrangement would work is that he and your wife get to act like sweethearts while you and his wife are simply tag-a-longs?

 

No part of what you describe would be interesting to us. We love to flirt and we love to have friends with whom we are really friends - but we really don't want to swap to that extent. We actually did once have a couple state that this was a fantasy of theirs. This was exactly the kind of couple that we would do just about anything with. But, even then, with this great couple, it wasn't something that struck a chord.

 

But, in your case, if we met a couple that wasn't on the same page with their interests, acted possessive and was dishonest about little things (hey, swingers have sex with people. All of our friends, new and old, assume that we aren't lifestyle virgins) - we'd back away quickly.

[ShellyM 0]

I agree with the posts. I dont know OP, I would have some flags flying up.

 

Number one, and I just posted to this effect yesterday, the intimacy of sleeping next to someone and cuddling, spooning, all that is just an intimacy that will not be shared with anyone other than Jay. We are absolutely comfortable with separate room play, and I'll lie there with you for a few moments laughing and talking while Jay and the other lady finishes....but will not snuggle with you. I'm telling you, this can lead to misunderstandings and trouble.

 

The fact that they lied to you would annoy me. I mean, we all know the deal! There is no need to lie....so I don't know why they did. Its a hard call on whether or not to call them out on it. However, I'll tell you this: monogamy is a no go with us. We have couples that we love playing with and do often. But we know they do this, and they know we do the same, if we meet a cool couple or single we go with what we know LOL...if I am not sexually monogamous to my husband some other dude better not be thinking I'm going to be with him.

 

I can't render much advise. I would be very uncomfortable with the snuggling thing, and would let them know that you play with who you choose.

[Swing*8701 887]

Ed here-- 1 % lies/discomfort can displace 99% fun.

 

I'm always concerned when I hear that a couple is great, 'but'.... I find those big 'buts' can shift continents.

[beachzen 15]

There seem to be a lot of red flags here. First of all, the fact that they lied to you about something so innocuous seems strange. Second is the jealousy, which seems misplaced given the context. And finally, as others have pointed out, the level of communication this other couple has seems woefully inadequate for their lifestyle choices. The dishonesty piece would be enough for me to say farewell.

 

Personally, I wouldn't agree to this scenario - that level of intimacy would be reserved for my partner and I.

[mrs good times 73]

The thing is, is that the male from the other couple wants a FULL swap. I mean he wants to be my wife’s husband for the weekend. He wants to sleep in the bed with her, cuddle, kiss, dance, buy food for, everything. I really don’t mind all that too much. I mean I would like to at least actually sleep with my own wife (which I did. I made that clear) but his wife doesn’t seem to want the same, or she doesn’t receive the same. What I mean is that she doesn’t seem to want to me to do the same to her.

 

Swapping partners for the day happens to be a fantasy of mine but it is not the norm in swinging. This is something that would only work and be fun if all the parties involved were on the same page and and just as excited about the prospect. It doesn't sound like your friends are even on the same page with each other let alone with you so I would avoid this situation.

 

We are the type of swingers that are willing try most anything once. We have changed partners for the evening (sleeping in separate rooms, same house, for the night). It was okay and there wasn't any issue of trust, but it just isn't for us. We tried it, didn't care for it, so we won't do it again.

 

Also at the social we went to, they didn’t really want us talking to other people. They seemed to get annoyed if my wife mingled as she so often does. It was just kinda awkward at times. It seemed to us that they were the monogamous swinging couple that wanted to changes partners for the weekend. Has anyone ever some across anything like this?

 

We have run into this on occasion but it's always been with newbies. I think that new people in the lifestyle tend to attach themselves to play partners like a toy that they don't want to share. They are afraid you may find someone else that you think is more fun and then they will be cast aside.

 

Oh and also, they told us about a couple they “met” at the social the weekend before who just happened to show up this weekend. They said the other couple was fun and that they only talked to them and didn’t play. We found out later they did play with them. Like I said My wife and I could care less if they did or not, it was just strange that they would out right lie about it.

 

Again, I think this is a newbie problem. They want you to be available for them when they want you. If you know they are playing with others then they have to expect that you are doing the same and they may not want that. They fear that you may turn them down some evening because you have a night out planned with someone else.

 

In the end it boils down to you, as a couple, doing what is fun and comfortable for you. If it's not fun to be out with them because of all these issues then it's time to move on or confront them and work it out.

[The Fuse 1,012]

OK here is the situation, We have a couple that we met once and played with once. SO been with twice. We really really liked them. We all have so much in common, it’s the first couple we have found that we have any desire to actually hang out with in a vanilla setting….. What I mean is we actually think of them as real friends. We all four get along great. We recently went on a weekend outing with them and attended a social on one of the nights. The whole weekend was pretty good. The thing is, is that the male from the other couple wants a FULL swap. I mean he wants to be my wife’s husband for the weekend. He wants to sleep in the bed with her, cuddle, kiss, dance, buy food for, everything. I really don’t mind all that too much. I mean I would like to at least actually sleep with my own wife (which I did. I made that clear) but his wife doesn’t seem to want the same, or she doesn’t receive the same. What I mean is that she doesn’t seem to want to me to do the same to her.. which again I really don’t care but it just seems odd. Also at the social we went to, they didn’t really want us talking to other people. They seemed to get annoyed if my wife mingled as she so often does. It was just kinda awkward at times. It seemed to us that they were the monogamous swinging couple that wanted to changes partners for the weekend. Has anyone ever some across anything like this? Oh and also, they told us about a couple they “met” at the social the weekend before who just happened to show up this weekend. They said the other couple was fun and that they only talked to them and didn’t play. We found out later they did play with them. Like I said My wife and I could care less if they did or not, it was just strange that they would out right lie about it.

From what you wrote in your original post, I'm a little suspicious of the guy half of this couple. He wants to sort of pull your wife to him for the weekend, but his wife doesn't want the same thing with you. Then, they want you to be "dedicated" to them during social occasions with other people. Is it more the husband who doesn't want you talking to others, or is it both of them? In either case, that combined with the dishonesty is enough to make me wonder whether the guy has control issues, in other words whether he wants to gather you both in and control what you do to make himself feel big.

 

Another thing to consider is... do you know they were dishonest about playing with that other couple? People do say a lot of things in this lifestyle. Sometimes it is like high school, with some people saying "Oh, we messed around with them", and the target of that comment snorting and saying, "As if". I do think that if they're not honest about who they've been with, that could indicate they will lie about other things.

 

About "sleep-swapping" as a close friend calls it-- Mr. Fuse and I happily do that with couples with whom we have ongoing relationships. Some couples do, some don't, and we're fine with it either way. We both love it. It does encourage bonding though, so it's something you should decide between yourselves. Like a lot of things in this lifestyle, if it makes you insecure, don't even consider it even if you think you might like it. If you have no urge to do it, then the question is moot.

 

We don't switch for the weekend, because there's no reason to cleave onto a play partner for that long without being with your own SO in normal ways as well. Why stay away from each other? I love the dynamic of going back and forth, with everyone being comfortable. If a man wants to keep your wife away from you for some structured length of time, I would look askance at that level of possessiveness.

[BCinIN 52]

So - how this arrangement would work is that he and your wife get to act like sweethearts while you and his wife are simply tag-a-longs?

 

I'm betting yes on this, and to the OP: don't allow yourself to get the short end of the stick. EVER. Bad news, and that's that.

 

But even that's beside the point. Actually sleeping together, cuddling...these are the sort of things couples do. Does your wife want to do these things with the other husband, or is it just him wanting it? If I were you, and it were the latter, I'd find a new couple (especially since this one seems possessive and dishonest). If the former, I'd get a new wife.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Actually sleeping together, cuddling...these are the sort of things couples do.

Sex is also something that couples do most often only with each other, point being that everyone draws their lines where they feel comfortable and secure.

 

Does your wife want to do these things with the other husband, or is it just him wanting it? If I were you, and it were the latter, I'd find a new couple (especially since this one seems possessive and dishonest). If the former, I'd get a new wife.

Hey now BCinIN, this may not work for you, but it works for Mr. Fuse and me, along with others on this board. We and our friends all know who is going home with whom, who will be together until...until, and have no inner conflict about it. On the contrary, it adds to our experience. I don't dis you for not wanting to, so please show us the same courtesy.

[lovinher 505]

It may work for some people but trying out a new wife for the weekend isn't something I need or want. I'm not saying it's wrong. To each his/her own. But if my wife wanted a weekend of companionship from another man I would have to wonder why. To many, swinging is about the sex and what happens beforehand, period.

 

Oh yeah....and friendship too.

[spectraschain 21]

Quote

But if my wife wanted a weekend of companionship from another man I would have to wonder why.

If in fact this would set you to wondering, you would be very much correct that this is something YOU would best steer clear of.

 

Quote

To many, swinging is about the sex and what happens beforehand, period.

How many, exactly? .....Love the period.

 

Who's cable is out now?

[yourbitterpill 34]

From what you wrote in your original post, I'm a little suspicious of the guy half of this couple. He wants to sort of pull your wife to him for the weekend, but his wife doesn't want the same thing with you. Then, they want you to be "dedicated" to them during social occasions with other people. Is it more the husband who doesn't want you talking to others, or is it both of them? In either case, that combined with the dishonesty is enough to make me wonder whether the guy has control issues, in other words whether he wants to gather you both in and control what you do to make himself feel big.

....

 

About "sleep-swapping" as a close friend calls it-- Mr. Fuse and I happily do that with couples with whom we have ongoing relationships. Some couples do, some don't, and we're fine with it either way. We both love it. It does encourage bonding though, so it's something you should decide between yourselves. Like a lot of things in this lifestyle, if it makes you insecure, don't even consider it even if you think you might like it. If you have no urge to do it, then the question is moot.

...

 

QFT.

 

I have a lot of misgivings about your predicament couple4. Keep your BS detector set to HIGH the next time you're meeting up. Something tells me you're not getting the full story here... in many ways.

[ShellyM 0]

My rule of thumb is: if you are getting that nagging little feeling like something is not right, ITS PROBABLY NOT RIGHT. Listen to your gut feeling. Perhaps this is something you and your wife will be comfortable with in the future. A couple we know does it, and they LOVE it! I say if it gives you pleasure and everyone truly is into it do what feels good. But in this case it sounds like only 50% feels right with it. I can only tell you what I would probably do. You are just feeling too much hesitation, I would not do it at this point. You do NOT have to apologize or even explain. You say "no thank you, its not for us at least for now" and that should be it. You are her husband and she is your wife. You don't owe them any explanation.

Shelly

[lovinher 505]

Spectraschain, thank you for pointing out that I said "my wife" and that I would wonder why she would want that. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was talking about everybody in that situation. I thought I made that clear, but if you missed it I'm sure somebody else did too.

 

Once again you have done this board a great service with your insight.