Friends surprised us, I'm interested but not sure hubby is... Advice?

[Drusilla 22]

HI, this is my first post but I've been reading for days trying to decide what to do. Maybe the answer will be easier to find if I just ask ya'll? lol

 

I'll apologize in advance, this could be a bit long...

 

 

Hubby and I have always been open sexually but just with each other. If you ever saw the episode on "Yes Dear" where Jimmy is on the computer. His wife comes in and when he hides the screen she says, "you know I don't mind if you look at porn, just let me know if you find something good!". That's us..

 

My husband's best guy friend (best man at our wedding even) and I have flirted with each since college...some time ago.... I always felt it was innocent, despite the fact that I've always found him attractive, and thought he thought the same. The last couple of years, though, the vibe has changed. He has gotten more and more persistent...huggy, VERY nice to me when we've been drinking and so on. It doesn't bother me a bit and doesn't seem to bother hubby either. Honestly, I really, really, REALLY like it.

 

This guy friend is married too and his wife doesn't seem to mind our flirting either. At times that he's gotten a bit more than flirty, I've looked at her and she just smiles at me. Okay...I know...that was maybe a hint, huh?

 

 

A new strip club has recently opened on our end of town. I've never actually been to a real strip club and have repeatedly told hubby I wanted to go to this new club sometime. Last weekend, the friend called and told me that they were going to the new club and asked me to go with them. Hubby was with them and quite aware that friend was calling to ask me. Of course, jumped at the chance!.

 

There was another couple with us too. Another friend from college who I know very well and his girlfriend (might as well be wife).

 

We all went and I loved it. We all had a great time! While we were at the club, though, our friend came and sat between me and the other friends gf. He was rather touchy fealy, with his hands on both our legs, thighs, etc. I didn't mind, she didn't mind, my DH was next to me and didn't mind...all is good. Then out of the blue, our friend tapped me on the shoulder and told me to watch. He then kissed our other friends gf. Seriously, I thought they were joking and made a smart comment. He quite seriously said, "okay, not quite the reaction I was after"....oops!!!

 

After we watched the rotation of girls a few times....only 3...we decided to go back to our friend's house to "hang out". We were listening to music, drinking, usual stuff. Except our friend kept trying to get his hand down my shirt. Hmmm? Light bulb finally went off when I realized he was serious. It was still very playful and light though. It was absolutely not a force type thing....more like he was persueing...seducing....that feeling.

 

I pulled away from him most of the night until I realized what was going on. I let him...ummm....get a feel the next time he tried. OMG...zing! Everything sparked!

 

A few minutes later both guys and I were standing off to the side and the best friend put his arm around me and started talking real soft. Like he was trying not to scare me off. Probably a good move on his part because it totally turned me on. He started telling me that they had a some sort of a "credit" system with the wives. He didn't get much past that because we were interrupted and I took the opportunity to get away to think about it.

 

By the end of the night, everyone except me was in the hot tub naked. Each wife/gf was cuddling on the lap of the guy that they weren't attached too. My poor hubby was alone except I stood next to him outside. I just didn't want to get totally naked in front of everyone. It has nothing to do with being afraid to be naked but more body issues/insecurity. I would have been fine if I'd had a t-shirt or something and would have been more than happy to take it off once I got in there.

 

I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up getting kissed by the one friends girlfriend. VERY HOT gf, btw. I'm 100% straight...or so I thought. But will admit to admiring beautiful women and have always thought this girl was hot. Obviously, it was my first kiss with a woman....my first anything with a woman. And I really really liked it. That girl can kiss...okay, getting distracted.

 

Lots of other things happened along the same lines without them actually engaging in anything in front of us. When we left, though, I do know they had all retired to the very dark living room and were still naked. We had to leave early because of our son but I'm SO wondering what went on in that living room and SO bummed to have missed it.

 

I know that hubby was aware that his friend was being very friendly to me. He knows both guys got repeated looks down my top (since I repeatedly showed them...I had a sparkly bra that needed showing off...lol) and our friend told me that he told my hubby that he felt my breast. Hubby also saw what happened during the hot tub time. I don't think hubby is aware that they are at the very least soft swapping. Earlier in the night, I asked hubby if he thought they swapped and he said definitely not. So, I don't think he knows the extent of it.

 

Now, I am VERY intrigued and interested in playing with these two couples. And don't feel any misgivings about hubby playing with the other girls. Actually, hubby told me that he felt the gf's breast while me and her were kissing. I thought I would be jealous but I'm really not. Not that I don't care, more that I totally trust that I'm the one my DH loves and we're in it for the long haul.

 

We will be having opportunities to be with these other couples soon...in fact we are having lunch tomorrow with the best friend. Should I tell my DH the whole story because I know he missed quite a bit of it and tell him I'm interested in playing too? Or do I just not say anything and see what happens at the next get together?

 

DH is the type that he gets uncomfortable talking about things but will usually go with the flow when things happen. He said he had no problem with the things he was aware of about the other night. I even asked him if he'd have a problem with me kissing the friend and he said no...like he meant it. Unfortunately, we left before it happened, dang it. But we were all drinking (except DH was sober) and things were happening and it was the environment. I don't know if he'd have a problem with it in the future.

 

I haven't been able to sleep since this happened because I can't stop thinking

about the other guys (and the girls to a lesser extent) and how to deal with DH. DH knows that my #1 fantasy is 2 or more guys and me. 3 would be perfect! lol He also knows I am very turned on by group sex. He seeks out porn for me to watch that fits the description. But....

 

If you've read all this...omg, thank you!! I know it's long and confusing. I'm more than happy to clarify anything.

 

What do I do? Talk to him before or just see what happens? I wouldn't engage in anything past kissing the friend without talking to DH before. I kind of think that he will be more open to it if we are actually there and things are about to happen... These friends wouldn't push anything and would definitely be okay with me stopping to talk to dh. I was also thinking about asking the friend to tell DH what he told me and see what happens.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so confused but soooooo into the idea of playing. Oh....the friend made of a point of telling me that they didn't actually have intercourse with the other's mates. They just "played". I do think they complete things in the room with the other's though.

[gandm 15]

The number 1 piece of advice I'd like to offer is to talk to your husband in advance and get agreement on your limits and his limits. Setting limits and not exceeding them (make sure to keep his trust) will allow you both to be comfortable with the world you're entering. You will also find that you might need a way for one to tell the other to stop without having to stand up and yell stop (setup a code word or something). Again, this helps establish trust (i.e. "Honey, if either of us becomes uncomfortable, this is how we'll handle it ...").

 

Try to not allow your excitement to take your eyes off the real prize. In my opinion, the real prize is having a relationship where you both have the trust and understanding so you can chase down your fantasies together.

 

Good Luck

[Drusilla 22]

I talked to a friend of mine and told her in more detail what exactly happened in order...I know, how much more could there be??? I wrote a dang book. Maybe I should condense that a bit??

 

Anyway...she suggested that it may be possible my husband may actually know more than he's telling me. It felt to me like the other two couples were all somehow feeling me out or leading me into it. Is it possible my husband knew about it all along? He was with them when the friend called me to ask me to go. Hubby knows I've always found his friend attractive....

 

As far as I know, though, my husband has never lied to me. We've been together since 1989 and always very committed and strong as a couple. Now I'm wondering if the other night was some sort of a test that he was in on?

 

Is he sitting around wondering how to talk to me about it? Is he thinking I'm not into it? I think I've been pretty obvious to him though, that I would be into it. Although I do remember saying once upon a time that fantasies were great but I'd never do it. Ha! I was sooo wrong!

[Drusilla 22]

gandm,

 

Thanks for the advice! It definitely made me think and I appreciate it.

[LOL_OMG 130]

You seriously need to talk to your husband. It sounds like things are escallating a bit with you, and most probably there is a swinging environment at hand. Your statements have alot of ? at the end. Ask him all of those questions....might be easier to do it naked. And I'm not kidding

 

Mrs

[Drusilla 22]

Do it naked? Seriously? Somehow I was thinking that wouldn't be the best time but rethinking it and you might be on to something.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Drusilla,

 

This should be submitted to the 'story' section! Man, was it ever hot to read!

 

If your husband doesn't absolutely, totally, and unequivatively appreciate having a wife like you, then he's been around a Disney Land charactor too much. (F'ing Goofy) LOL!

 

Have you thought about talking to the other couples, letting them know you're very game if you're husband is, then letting them see if your husband is?

 

I'll just bet these two ladies can seduce him.

[SouthBond 18]

Our very best swing couples have been people that we have known for years. They were very compatible. Interested in renewing the passion. Had a feeling of being safe. Interested in keeping the activities private. Keep in mind that the first swing session is sometimes very stressful and can lead to some awkward moments. Don't be surprised if the men have a problem getting it up. That is why we recommend getting one of those little blue pills to make sure things get and stay nice and hard. The pill will not become addictive. Nothing is more frustrating for the guy than to be unable to hold up his end of the deal. We have always found that massage parties work great. Keep the light down very low. Don't talk. Just feel.

[katcouple 15]

D,

 

Sounds like you may have been in the dark. Is it possible hubby thought you may be scared away if you knew what you were in for that evening? I am in the "he knew more" camp.

 

Full communication is so important. Mrs. Kat and I are new to the lifestyle, but we communicate everything....even the most mundane thing to you can be huge to your partner.

 

IMHO, I would suggest you open a discussion with hubby to get it all out on the table.

 

Most importantly, Have fun!!

 

Regards,

Katman

[VegasLee 1,486]

I would not talk to the other couples until you sit down and have a nice face to face talk about all this with your husband.

 

This is not something that should be a surprise or involve other people in until you are both on the same page and committed to doing this.

 

Set your limits, stick to them and do what works for the two of you. Not for others and don't let others seduce you or your husband into anything. You will regret it later if you do.

[Drusilla 22]

I'm not sure how many more surprised I can take!! lol

 

Last night after we went to bed he said something that had to do with that night. I can't even remember now what he said but I took the opportunity to get the conversation going.

 

And, well, well, well....hubby still maintains that he knew nothing about any of it before hand and he didn't know all the details of what I experienced. He can be pretty oblivious at times...lol.

 

But, I took a deep breath and told him everything. Including the fact that I really liked it. I asked him if he had a problem with any of it and he said he didn't. When I asked him what he thought...I had to kind of drag things out of him as he didn't seem to know what to say. He wanted my opinion first so I told him that I liked it and am very intrigued and want to see where it goes. He smiled and said he is intrigued as well.

 

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! Dru gets to play!!!!!!! LOL

 

Thank you so much everyone for all your help! I know I don't seem it but I AM rather nervous and would still welcome any and all help/advice/opinions.

 

Hubby did make a point to say that he isn't interested in playing with anyone but these two couples and I agree...for now.

[Drusilla 22]

 

This should be submitted to the 'story' section! Man, was it ever hot to read!

And it was indeed a rather hot evening! I even left out a few things that happened in an effort to try and shorten it a bit. It's safe to say that hubby was quite a happy man when we got home. facelick

If your husband doesn't absolutely, totally, and unequivatively appreciate having a wife like you, then he's been around a Disney Land charactor too much. (F'ing Goofy) LOL!

Awww....that's incredibly sweet. Thank you!

Have you thought about talking to the other couples, letting them know you're very game if you're husband is, then letting them see if your husband is?

Yep, as a matter of fact hubby is planning on talking to his friend to get more details and see if he can find out exactly what we may be getting ourselves in for. He still thinks that I might be making more of it than it is and that they don't really go as far as I think they do.

 

GAWD I hope he's wrong! Sheesh...they can't just leave me hanging here....

 

I'll just bet these two ladies can seduce him

I have a feeling you may be correct. I hope so anyway...

[Drusilla 22]

Keep in mind that the first swing session is sometimes very stressful and can lead to some awkward moments. Don't be surprised if the men have a problem getting it up.

 

It's interesting you said that because that actually did come up (or not) the other night.

 

After they all got out of the hottub, we were standing around the fire pit. I was standing between my naked hubby and our naked friend. I simply couldn't help myself and leaned over to give hubby a little taste.

 

( Did I mention that that is my absolutely FAVORITE thing and didn't make any secret of it that night. The friends wife and I even got into a discussion regarding spit or swallow. She spits....crazy woman. facelick)

 

Normally, hubby comes right to attention as soon as he even suspects that may be my intention but that night there was nothing. Not even a twitch. I assumed it was a bit of anxiety/shock since he had no problems once we got home.

 

Last night hubby did mention that he was surprised I did that right in front of everybody. He said he knew I'd be thinking it, be wanting to do it, but never thought I'd actually just do it. I don't really understand his surprise considering the environment we were in. He IS my husband, afterall. It's not like I leaned over to our friend...although I'm really hoping that might be on the agenda in the near future...

[Drusilla 22]

And thanks to everyone! I do realize that hubby and I have some more talking to do but at least the ball is rolling.

 

Tomorrow we are going back our friends house for a 4th bbq. It will be interesting to see how everyone acts. It's a family thing with kids so no chance anything will happen tomorrow.

 

Although, I can't stop trying to think of a way to get the kids out of the way...

 

Gosh, I'm feeling like such a naught girl. In a good way though!

[likeitalot04 56]

I would like to say simply....Your husband does not yet know how lucky he is to have a wife with an attitude such as yours. Enjoy Dru! Just walk before you run...

[edmustang 19]

...and keep us posted!

[Drusilla 22]

I would like to say simply....Your husband does not yet know how lucky he is to have a wife with an attitude such as yours.

Thank you...that's very sweet!

 

Just walk before you run...

 

Yes, I know...sloooow down. At least we do already know these people very well although obviously not as well as we thought. hehehe...

[Drusilla 22]

...and keep us posted!

 

Oh definitely! I've gotta tell someone!

[Drusilla 22]

I was just reading through this to make sure I didn't miss anything and this jumped out at me.

 

Set your limits, stick to them and do what works for the two of you. Not for others and don't let others seduce you or your husband into anything. You will regret it later if you do.

 

 

I'm just gonna lay it all out there because I really want your opinions. As long as you tell me what I want to hear, of course. Otherwise I'll just tell you ya'll are wrong and stupid and become a troll...so there! LOL Just joshin'.

 

I would not in a million years want to do anything to jeapordize my marriage. My husband is my best friend as well as my lover and I can't imagine losing him.

 

He's stuck by me through a battle with cancer (I won thankyouverymuch) and now chronic illness/pain. I haven't had a real job for 10 years because I simply can't commit to a schedule. Obviously, I'm not incapacitated or anything but some days are bad and I never know when. He has taken complete care of me and our son and done a wonderful job of it. Simply put, he's my hero and I love him with all my heart.

 

Okay, my question is...Our friends absolutely are & have been seducing me and with doing that, also DH. Looking back, I can see now that our friend has been leading me towards this for at least 2 years now. If that wasn't the case, I can absolutely guarantee that DH and I would not go seeking other ppl to play with.

 

With these friends, though, we're very comfortable and them bringing this up is like a dream come true. For me anyway. I don't think hubby has ever seriously thought about it as an option. Lucky me that he seems open to it, though!

 

However, I have been reading this board and others like it for a few years now. I've always enjoyed watching & reading about group sex for years and always thought about doing it. I never imagined that DH would consider it so I simply considered it a moot point.

 

DH and I have had a subscription to PH letters for a couple of years now and I have noticed that he seems more than a little interested in the wives gone wild section. Me...I'm always looking for the ones including more than two ppl. We've always watched porn together as well and the same goes for that.

 

It might be pertinant to note that before my DH, I was inexperienced sexually.

Although, I was 18 when I met him and just out of high school (I graduated from the infamous Columbine btw) so that's not so odd. I had a steady boyfriend when I was 16 & 17 (he was 21) and was monogamous with that bf then. I was the aggressor in that relationship and pushed him into sex for the first time. Isn't it usually the guy that does that? Yes, my boyfriend then was a 21 year old virgin.

 

I broke up with him the summer before college so I could be "free" in my new life at collete. I only had 2 sexual experiences in college before I met DH a month after I got there. Although, I was the aggressor in one of those too. 2 in one month after only 1 ever too...hadn,t thought of that. Sheesh...I [/b]am a naughty girl.

 

Once I met DH, I never had any relationships with anyone else. He was the only one I have ever done anything with other than straight, missionary sex. Including oral! Seriously, the kiss with the hot girl (sheesh, I get all fluttery thinking about it) was my first kiss with anybody other than DH in 18 years. Now I feel old...lol.

 

Also, I hate to admit it but due to medications (just didn't feel anything anywhere) & pain, we went through a good ten years of me not being interested at all. Poor hubby was lucky to get 2 times a month. 6 months ago or so my meds changed and I finally got on good doctor to control my pain and Bang!...I was off to the races. I'm back to my old self again...two-fold. Suddenly I have feeling again and I'm like a kid in a candy store. Dh is just miserable, btw...not really.

 

Now....knowing all that...are we making a mistake? I don't feel like we are although it's impossible not to worry and wonder.

 

And I must say...no one can ever accused me of being a woman of few words! LOL sry....

[fordman460 20]

Damn, too bad youre so far from Phoenix, you and my wife would get along quite nicely it would seem. I'm glad you are doing so well both healthwise and in this new endeavor. Again, keep us posted.

[Drusilla 22]

Thank you ford! I appreciate it!

[Drusilla 22]

Well now, this just keeps getting better and better!

 

A book I ordered just arrived in the mail and of course it is about a club where men go to share their women. I read the description to DH and he smiled and said "sounds like the other night".

 

I reminded him that that particular situation had been my fantasy for forever and yes it did sound like the other night. But, of course, we had to leave before the fun began.

 

He said, "well, why didn't you say anything?? We could have stayed!". UGH!!!

 

Because I thought we had to leave...

 

 

Am I dreaming? I know it...I'm going to wake up with a smile and wet sheets. I just know it... My life just isn't this darn interesting.

[Alura 2,773]

I'd say your life is about to take an upturn in interestingness, Drucilla! Congratulations.

 

We understand the cancer part, too. Keep punchin'!

 

Alura

[ShellyM 0]

LOL Drusilla,

You go on with your bad self! When we started Jay was the more hesitant of the 2 of us....so we moved at his pace. Remember to be patient with your dh and go at a pace that is comfortable for him. I think that most people, when they hear the term "swinger" think of wild sex parties in the 70s, or an etruscan orgy (oh wait we were at one of those recently, let me hush)......seriously he thought it was just mad sex with everyone in a room, out of control lol. Just be patient with your hubby, and he will get into a comfort zone.

And please remember to talk about everything, especially at first. Until you have some experience under your belt you need to talk about how you are feeling, emotions, did you like this and that...etc.

AND HAVE FUN! Shelly

[hmr 25]

Dru, are you keeping us in suspence? Its 2 days after the fourth and what happened?

For us, It was the mrs idea, although I was the pervert? in general. definitely talk as everyone has said and you will have wonderful times. You will find most people were limited in their playing at first, before plunging in.

Also, most people will tell you, your marriage will get even better. Mrs and I have have a lot in common with you in the medical issues and her not being able to do much for a long time. However, once you can discuss how good giving head to someone alse was, or how good a screw so and so was, talking about the bills becomes much easier.

As others have alluded to, go at the pace of the slowest person and most things will take care of themselves.

Oh, and enjoy!!!!!

[nwmifun 16]

I'm betting ol' DH knew more than he was letting on.........

 

It all sounds like a genius plan though!!

[fordman460 20]

I'm sitting by with bated breath waiting on the story.....

[Drusilla 22]

once you can discuss how good giving head to someone alse was,

 

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here????

 

 

Sorry, didn't mean to keep you hanging....I've been sick in bed the last couple of days.

 

The 4th was uneventful. The friend was his normal flirty self, except maybe a little more reserved than usual. He didn't hug me when we got there or when we left....which is weird. He almost seemed afraid to touch me. The most exciting thing that happened was we sat and talked and played footsy while DH and mrs. friend worked in the kitchen.

 

I tried to flirt a bit harder and made sure I sat next to him and so on but to no avail. There were two other very very very conservative couples there, though. In addition to 4 babies and my son...not really a "sexy" environment.

 

Our son is off to scout camp in the morning for the week. We are hoping to go out Friday night and perhaps get them over for a movie during the week.

 

I'm thinking our friend isn't sure what I'm thinking. I keep thinking about when him and our other friend pulled me aside and started to explain things. I simply panicked and walked away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! That's REALLY not what I wanted to do!! That probably gave the impression that I wasn't interested, huh?

 

Of course, 5 minutes later...I WAS. I had a chance to feel out DH and had the green light for at least a kiss but by then the moment had passed. *sigh* Just can't stop wondering what might have happened had I just stayed there.

 

They just surprised me is all. I needed time to process and I didn't know how DH would feel about it. I had an idea he'd be okay with it by how he was acting that night but I wasn't sure.

 

Hopefully, if we get to see them this week, I'll work up the courage to let them know we are wanting to play.

 

Wish me luck!!

[fordman460 20]

Good Luck....Missed opportunities suck.

[Drusilla 22]

Good Luck....Missed opportunities suck.

 

or not..... LOL

[intuition897 2,179]

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here????

 

 

Sorry, didn't mean to keep you hanging....I've been sick in bed the last couple of days.

 

The 4th was uneventful. The friend was his normal flirty self, except maybe a little more reserved than usual. He didn't hug me when we got there or when we left....which is weird. He almost seemed afraid to touch me. The most exciting thing that happened was we sat and talked and played footsy while DH and mrs. friend worked in the kitchen.

 

I tried to flirt a bit harder and made sure I sat next to him and so on but to no avail. There were two other very very very conservative couples there, though. In addition to 4 babies and my son...not really a "sexy" environment.

 

Yeah that doesn't work. It's just one more thing to have to organize around, but it's always best to ensure the kids aren't just asleep in their beds, but they should actually be staying over at Grandma's house. Explaining the situation to a little person who accidentally saw you on her way to get a glass of water would difficult to say the least. It's bad enough when one of the kids walks in on you while you're doing the wild thing alone together.

 

Our son is off to scout camp in the morning for the week. We are hoping to go out Friday night and perhaps get them over for a movie during the week.

 

I'm thinking our friend isn't sure what I'm thinking. I keep thinking about when him and our other friend pulled me aside and started to explain things. I simply panicked and walked away. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! That's REALLY not what I wanted to do!! That probably gave the impression that I wasn't interested, huh?

 

Of course, 5 minutes later...I WAS. I had a chance to feel out DH and had the green light for at least a kiss but by then the moment had passed. *sigh* Just can't stop wondering what might have happened had I just stayed there.

 

They just surprised me is all. I needed time to process and I didn't know how DH would feel about it. I had an idea he'd be okay with it by how he was acting that night but I wasn't sure.

 

Hopefully, if we get to see them this week, I'll work up the courage to let them know we are wanting to play.

 

Wish me luck!!

 

Your reaction was normal. You just want to run the first time you're confronted with it, even if it's something you've always wanted. Probably because of the abruptness of having your fantasy snap over into the real world for you. A bit like someone reading your diary or describing the precise details of the dream you had last night.

 

After you've fully discussed all this with your hubby, and you're all together again, bring it up. Apologize for running like a rabbit the other night when they explained things. They just caught you off-guard.

 

I'll say this, though, and not to bring you down, but just as a prudent warning: Be very careful that a green light is actually green...not just greenish-yellow. I only say this because, as you've said, swinging has been a big part of your fantasy life for a very long time. When you have a carrot like this dangled in front of your nose by your partner - who says, "Why didn't you say something? We could've stayed!" - it's hard to not get one's hopes up. Like holding back wild horses, no? Your husband will be aware of that, and whether you like it or not, he'll feel pressured by it. Part of making him more comfortable with it (I get the impression that he's the more reluctant or cautious of the two of you?) is showing him that you not only have complete control over yourself and your actions, but you also choose your relationship with him as your priority over the satisfaction of your fantasies. You've told us that it is, but it's just a matter of making him fully believe it.

[fordman460 20]

or not..... LOL

 

Hahaha you got me there.

[Drusilla 22]

And just like the other installments, this one is quite lengthy. I really appreciate those of you who take the time to read it. If you take the time to comment...that's a bonus.

 

I'm tried to make it as easy to read as possible. S. I'll just say in advance....in case you don't get all the way to the bottom.

 

 

Our son is still at scout camp (I miss him SO much! ) but since he won't be home until Saturday afternoon, we made plans with our friends to "hang out" at their house tomorrow night.

 

 

Their babies will be there but one is a toddler and still in a crib and the other is an infant. The toddler hasn't gotten out of his crib yet. Of course, that will happen for the first time if we all start playing, huh? No no no...he won't. Just joshin'...there are no worries on this issue.

 

The point is, the babies are there but they are really "babies" and can't just walk in so it's not a problem.

 

Actually, I love their babies and am can't wait to hug and snuggle them when we get over there. We are going for dinner so the kids will be up for awhile. I just love the way babies smell when they are all fresh and clean.

 

oops....

 

When I heard the original plan, and thought about DH's strange attitude lately, I really was about about 90% certain nothing would happen or even be suggested.

 

The original plan was that we'd go over for dinner and then they'd put the kids down and we could watch a movie or "something". I had really wanted to go out to the strip club again but they had babysitter issues. So no problem, we can go watch a movie.

 

But then the friend calls today and says well we can change the plan and just plan on hanging in their backyard to visit. Sounds innocent enough, right?

 

Yeah, innocent until you stop to think that the HOTTUB is ain the backyard. The FIREPIT is in the back yard. The dard & secluded bushes where he had pulled me aside to talk is in the backyard.

 

For some strange reason, :rollseyes: I sort of consider their backyard to be their seduction center. Out in the backyard is where all the seduction/foreplay "action" happened until it was time to "go to bed" and the other two couples got serious. While DH and I had to take our son home...dammitt!

 

That sounds as though they could be planning on...um...oh I don't know...making a move. (You thought I was gonna say making a MOVIE there didn't ya...huh? yeah...knew it...lol) II don't know of a better way to put it and at this point, I just don't know what to think.

 

If we do watch a movie, can anyone suggest any good ones to get the 4 of us a bit revved up? I'm looking for something newish, recentish, that we would possibly want to watch for reasons other than the sex as well. I don't want them to think I brought porn or something. I'm working up to that....maybe next week. :grin:

 

What about suggestions for a game if we go that way? Not the in your face swinger games (although, I'm SO hoping to get everyone playing one of these in the future...near future. I'm working on this one too...LOL :grin:

 

For now, we need something clean but that can turn dirty when the right puddle dwelling minds crash the party. :grin:

 

Strip poker could be an option but that means there is a strong possibility of getting totally nekky since I suck at Poker. I'm not at all comfy with totally nekky yet...I'll have to work it out. :sigh:

 

I still don't have a real strong feeling that any playing will take place but anything is possible right?

 

~Dru

[Drusilla 22]

As far as the troubles with DH that I'm wondering about...let's just say that I came to bed tonight completely nekky, freshly showered and shaved in all the right places.

 

The man rolled over and said good night.

 

This is the second night in a row he's done this and when we did have sex the night before, he acted like it was a huge chore. I just don't understand.

 

The only time he seems into me is when he's getting a BJ. Since our son has been at camp, he's gotten quite a few spontaneous and surprising ones.

 

He'll return the favor sometimes but in the last few weeks, his body language and the tension I can feel in him, just make it seem as thought he really doesn't want to return the favor. I've told him what i like, but he just keeps on doing it the old way which doesn't do much for me since I've discovered new tricks. It's like he doesn't want to make the effort to make it really good for me.

 

Unless time constraints means it has to be a quickie, everytime I give him a BJ (often by the way since I love it so much), I try to make it the best one ever. I pay attention to tricks I read about or see somewhere and try them out. It's easy enough to tell if the person likes what you are doing. If he likes it, I'll keep doing it and add it to my standard routine.

 

Whereas, I'll finally get up the courage to tell DH what I like and he'll do it that one time but then he doesn't do it again. He seems stuck on doing what HE thinks I should like rather than what he knows I do like.

 

In addition, he hasn't been initiating it very often. It used to be a constant struggle to keep his hands off me for fear our son would walk in at the wrong moment.

 

Now he just wants to grab my boobs (not necessarily in the way I like) and have me go down on him.

 

This is a total recent problem. Although he insists I'm imagining things and he's just tired from work but it's driving me crazy..not to mention hurting my feelings.

 

Is he upset/jealous that I've expressed an intrest in his best friend? Is he just nervous about the whole thing and reconsidering giving me the green light with this couple. We don't even know what will happen but he knows what I'm hoping will happen.

 

It's so hard when he acts like there's nothing wrong but I KNOW there is. That's one thing I do well...read peoples feelings. I can feel a good aura or a bad aura & tension fairly easily and usually pretty accurately.

 

Something is going on with him. I just can't figure out what. I don't think there has ever been a time when I've come to bed completely nekky (don't do it often with a kid in the house) and he didn't jump me.

 

Today, nothing. Not even a smile or acknowledgement of my lack of clothes. he wanted a very chaiste kiss, and rolled over.

 

I couldn't help it and a few tears flowed which started the sniffles. At least he did turn over and ask me what was wrong. I told him, "nothing, allergies". Although he knows fully well that my allergies aren't bothering me. I don't have any that would have just sprung up suddenly to have me sniffling either.

 

I'm so confused! I have stopped talking about any possibility of playing tomorrow night and have stopped talking about his friend. in that way.

 

I'm already insecure about my body and this is certainly NOT helping.

 

He could be just stressed from work....hopefully, that's what it is.

[looking4ward 15]

More communication with your DH will help your situation more than anything else. When your DH asks what is wrong, don't say "Your allergies", tell him about your feelings and ask him what he is thinking. He needs to find out more about you, your needs, your insecurity over your body image, and your desire to expand your involvment with others. You both need to have a clear understanding of the others feelings and how far you each are willing to proceed comfortably. Talking with the other couples will also help. You are getting good advice from those on this board to help you proceed. Communication is the KEY to unlock the closet. Go for it!

[Drusilla 22]

thanks for the advice looking4ward. The thing is is that there has already been all that communication. He's a smart guy...I shouldn't have to tell him 3 million times. Geez...it's hard enough to say it once, let alone over and over and over.

 

He needs to find out more about you, your needs, your insecurity over your body image, and your desire to expand your involvment with others.

 

He is well...I mean really well...aware of all of that. He is either not paying attention or is choosing to ignore it. Like most men, he has selective hearing....

 

I feel like I'm putting effort in but he's not. That feels like a rejection.

 

When he asked what was wrong, it wasn't said in a nice way. It was more like "wtf is wrong with you now". It was the way he said it, not what he said. I know....guys tend to roll their eyes at that but I think the women will understand. He was gearing for a fight and I was not in the mood to fight at midnight. I just couldn't do it right then. So, it was easier at the moment to just claim I wasn't crying.

 

He claims he was just really tired last night. I don't know...maybe he was and maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

 

Somehow, when your own husband of 18 years doesn't seem to want you and you are practically raping the guy...it doesn't do a whole lot of good for your security to exploring other ppl.

[charms123 52]

Did someone mention communications yet?

 

TALK TALK and do it over a cup of coffee in the daylight and NOT in bed and not naked. If you to cannot come up with a gameplan you both can accept, leave it all as a fantasy.

 

Good luck and let us know.

 

N (of M&N)

[Drusilla 22]

we've talked....in bed, out of bed...everywhere.

 

At this point, playing with friends isn't the problem...he seems more than willing/happy to do that.

 

He just doesn't seem to want to play with me.

 

This man who claims to love me more than life itself, who says I'm beautiful and he loves everything about me because he loves my soul....

 

He says he even loves my surgical scars because they are proof that I was willing to sacrifice something that I love & wanted more than almost anything (having babies...having a second baby), in order to stay alive and be with him and our son. I was given the option to try a pregnancy and treat the cancer after. But I was told the odds significantly increased that I would not survive past 5 years if I did that. I wanted to go for it...hubby begged me not to. I did what he wanted...

 

I don't know...just confused...hurt....

 

he says I'm imagining things that he's just stressed over work, and yes it is stressful for him now but it's never impacted the bedroom before. Why now?

[Guest Fringeswinger]

I don't think anyone here is going to be able to tell you what is going through your husband's mind. We can all guess based on your version/vision, and some may be close, some way off.

 

I know you said you have talked. OK. But as a guy, I know a lot of things go left unsaid. Some things you want to say but can't. Some things you don't think about till the conversastion is over.

 

I communicate better if I write things down. I have more time to think and do a better job of expressing myself. If I were you, I'd take the best of what you have written here and use it to write a letter to him. Then talk about it. We may know more about how you feel than he does, and we aren't even married to you! Not because you haven't "told" him, but maybe he didn't "hear" it. Maybe he needs to "see" it and think about it.

 

Dumb guys like us sometimes have to be hit over the head to understand. It may be worth a try.

 

Good luck,

 

Bill

[Youngcalcpl 125]

I'm excited to hear how this all turns out. It definitely sounds like they were setting you up. We have a couple we've been friends with for eons that we'd love to play with but haven't. Funny thing is every time they make a joke about all of us living together in one big marriage we all just chuckle nervously. You'd think eventually we'd get over our nervousness and show that we'd like to be more than friends.

 

Your reaction of running away probably made them worry but who can blame you, that was a bit of a bombshell. Its possible they won't be as forward again until they get some sense that you are interested.

 

Talking with him is key and its good that you've taken everyone's advice on it so far but depending on the guy he might not open up. Ideally he'd share whats on his mind freely but sometimes thats not easy to do. You're the best judge about how far to press the issue. Heck, he could be worrying about performing too...The not functioning in front of others is a pretty common thing with guys so he shouldn't stress about it seeing as how that'll just make it worse.

 

I'd put my money on it being a stress/tired thing with DH lately. Sometimes, and I know its hard to believe, us guys aren't always complete sex maniacs.

 

Oh and don't let your body or scars or anything keep you from accepting how beautiful you are....your friends obviously want to include you guys so you can assume you are a wanted woman We have those same kinds of insecurities and have learned that we'd have a lot more fun if we just relax and not worry about them. I know, thats easier said than done...somehow we still find ourselves worrying about it.

 

Good luck and be sure to share what happens!