What sexual history does it take to scare you away?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

People sharing what questions they ask about potential playmates and sexual history has led to some very interesting thoughts and discussions. The one I found most interesting was the idea of "wild" people are not safe. Which of course led to the discussion of what constitutes being "wild". How many partners does it take for you to decide ok this person just has had too many partners for me to feel safe with them.

 

Are there other issues that constitute wild? At what point do you feel that you just can't trust your sexual health in the "hands" of this person or people?

[Guest everlast]

Julie, I think you might need an 'All of the above" catagory on this one.

[bimrdcpl 15]

I agree with everlast Julie all of those things on there scare us both. So because they all did we just chose other. Sorry if it messes up your poll but we looked at it all of them and just couldnt pick one.

[J & K 16]

All of the above, plus more!!!! LOL!!!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

That's why I left it so that you could check more than one option.... so you can check them all if they all apply.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Interesting subject. We love to swing ourselves. Full swap of course. It's interesting that some of this would either "scare" you away or MAYBE turn you on? The way I see it you are probably only one encounter away from a couple who participates in the various categories listed here. If that's true and you really do swing then you have already been with that couple thru another couple. Something to think about.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Oh, forgot to say what scares us off. Bad personalities. Not listed here. You can still have a good personality and do "all the above" and we still would like you. And the party goes on.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Quote

Originally posted by BiloxiCouple

Interesting subject. We love to swing ourselves. Full swap of course. It's interesting that some of this would either "scare" you away or MAYBE turn you on? The way I see it you are probably only one encounter away from a couple who participates in the various categories listed here. If that's true and you really do swing then you have already been with that couple thru another couple. Something to think about.

 

You pretty much perfectly summed up my thoughts behind posting this topic.

[PAyoungCPL 17]

If they refuse the use of condoms or if any part of thier region is green or looks like something is written in braile.

[lauriern 16]

People lie. At least you know people who admit they are wild, unclean, or untrustworthy are probably not lying to you. Reminds me of a joke I was told when I moved to Utah. How does a Mormon say "Fuck you", he says "Trust me." Works for Christy Fundies too. The best thing is to listen to that little voice in your head. If they are too good to be true, they probably are. Once you dip your toe in the pool of swing you accept the dictum "You are fucking everyone the other person has fucked." If you are not a risk taker this is not the lifestyle for you.

[HDrider 15]

Ditto BiloxiCouple's bad personalities

[stoutgatte 25]

There are a lot of things that would scare me off a couple, but none of them are listed... Does that mean I'm one of them

[good times 991]

I'm with Stoutgatte here, I figure we have probably encountered all of these things in the various people we have played with, whether we knew it or not.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

Just about the only thing that truly scares us away are bi men.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We would like to echo the condom issue. But beyond that, we have experienced that other strange behaviors will raise the red flag. In one situation, an individual bragged unnecessarily about possessions and things like the number of hotels they have had sex in pointed us away from them, and rightly so because they were what most people would consider WHACKOS!!!!

[HotMoCpl 20]

I selected ALL of them....including E. That would be 'all of the above'.

 

If you are not a risk taker this is not the lifestyle for you.

 

I'm not too sure about that. Sure, we're all risking something everyday, but there's no reason to be foolhardy. Risk assessment and minimize risk.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I'm with Stoutgatte here, I figure we have probably encountered all of these things in the various people we have played with, whether we knew it or not.

Yeah, you don't really know if the couple has had a 100 sex partners unless they brag about it. One of our play couples has been in the lifestyle for 5 years. We don't think they are very indescriminate, but who knows? In 5 years, you could potentially have been with ALOT of people. We get to know everyone we play with, so that we can kinda see what their play habits are like, so that we can decide whether we think there's an extra risk to being with them, but since we don't know what they're doing 24/7, for all we know, they could be having gangbangs at their houses every weekend. Reason number 564 why we use condoms....

[graygo98 148]

When you think about it the way P&D put it, then 100 may not be all that big a number. Someone in the lifestyle for seven or ten years and with a moderately active single life in days gone by could easily come close, I would think. The only thing really scary about huge numbers might be that it could indicate a bit of an obsession.

 

Which gets to the thing that probably scares us off fastest... people that seem obsessive or needy. You know, you don't return an email right away and there are four increasingly whiny follow-ups "wondering what's going on" ... all posted hours (or minutes) apart. Run and Hide.....

 

In the case I am thinking of, that really turned us off a second meeting. Thank God they (it was the Male that was the obsessive one) only had an email and doesn't know last names or live in the same city.

 

The rest of the items listed are just factors that go into the mix ... weigh them and act according to your own comfort level and take appropriate precautions. Which may, in some circumstances, be Run and Hide...

 

Oh, and as someone else said, the green bits are a bit of a put off too...

[DBL D 120]

How about very aggressive people! (And just plain Rude)

 

We knew a couple that was a soft-swapping duo. We had met them a few times in the hope that they would want to go farther with us than that. Once we ran into them at a dance and while the lady was quiet and reserved, he was nuzzling up on Fem D. Just too into her space, KWIM? BTW, across the table from them was a couple whom they had invited to that dance and here he was paying all that attention to my wife. That was the experience that turned us off to them. We thought he was very rude to do what he did.

 

Male D

[Vespertine 31]

Which gets to the thing that probably scares us off fastest... people that seem obsessive or needy. You know, you don't return an email right away and there are four increasingly whiny follow-ups "wondering what's going on" ... all posted hours (or minutes) apart. Run and Hide.....

Dito We agree, needy and obsessive people are scary as all hell!

[graygo98 148]

How about very aggressive people! (And just plain Rude)

 

Yeah, that too. Attitude is more of a turn-off (or turn on) than how many/few people he/she/they might have been with.

[northindycpl 32]

I selected all of the options plus other too. My other would be in the catagory of self-respect. We look for couples that are clean, professional, have good communication, and just generally look like they have some mystery to them.

[todesireu 16]

Poor hygiene, bad manners (especially toward women), lack of sense of humor, unwilling to use condoms and from what I've read about disease risks related to tattoos (hepatitis C)

[CliffandKeira 15]

todesireu said:

Poor hygiene, bad manners(especially toward women),lack of sense of humor, unwilling to use condoms and from what I've read about disease risks related to tattoos(hepatitis C)

 

You really don't have to worry about tattoo's (used to work in a tattoo shop) or piercings for that matter. At least here in FL you don't. Tattoo shops get inspected regularly and if there are any infractions they (the shop) get shut down. All needles (everywhere I've worked) are single use disposable needles. If you're looking into getting a body mod, when you go into a shop ask for the artists portfolio, to see the level of work he's done, and ask about their needles. If they aren't single use disposable needles, don't get work done there.

 

Keira

[Guest smileytattoo]

No protection = No Sex! And personality Does matter.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I found this poll interesting when you started it years ago and it still has me thinking today.

 

It appears that most of applies it to the "number of people" that people have had sex with.

 

I know people outside of the lifestyle that have has sex with over 100 people in their lifetime. Yes, I am "older" and have been around the lifestyle since I was a teenager. We were SWINGERS back then.

 

Since I am older does the base line number get to be higher than someone in their 20's?

 

Since this our "Lifestyle" and not just a once a month hobby to us do we get a higher baseline of people we can play with before we are on the evil side of things?

 

How do people know how many people I have had sex with? I don't have a badge that flashes the number and that is not a question that anyone that I have ever played with has asked me. We get asked that at times on line by the trolls but in about thirty years no one has personally asked me that question. I have never asked that question of others either.

 

I would have to believe that people must do a lot of assuming about the sexual activities of others to be able to say they will or will not play with them because of numbers.

 

I believe I would be more concerned about looking for evidence of drug use then I would be of a lot of sexual activity.

[Tia Vampire 167]

This is the very reason why some people don't keep their certs. You have others snooping to find out who you've been with and if they find out that you have been with someone that they do not like, or find unattractive, that's it for them wanting to get with you.

 

We are more concerned about catching an STD from an unclean person. No, you can not tell just from sight, but there are clues that will lead you to believe that a person is not taking care of themselves. This is another reason why we like to get to know a couple before we just jump into bed with them.

 

If a couple tells us, while we are getting to know each other better, that they do not like to use condoms or they are into bi play, that would scare us away. We don't care about how many partners you may have had, Just do you protect yourself while being with those people.

[djjwp 129]

We met a couple that was lets say "well certified". She was a doll but he had to list all their partners and named names and companies. Can you say no discretion? RUN!!!!!

 

There is no way to tell for sure who people have been with so the other options, I could not answer to them, I feel that is something you have to have a feel for. (and hope you are right)

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Who scare us are people who kiss and tell. OK if you have shagged 100+ but we don't need to hear about it and we don't need other people hearing about us.

[rick181au 85]

Our reply.

They can't remember or won't say how many partners they have had.

To be honest after 25 + years in the swinging, swapping and M F M threesome scene we don’t remember how many we have been with. Going back to the 70’s and 80’s we were going to swinging parties where their could be as many as 30 couples attending and a good time was had by all.

 

They do "wild" group sex like gang bangs with guys they don't really know?

Have been there and done that ourselves “but would not do it these days”.

 

They are into one night stands.

Been there and done that.

 

More than 100 partners.

Would not have been with more than 100 partners “I think” but after all it’s only a number!

 

You know they've had unprotected sex.

All our sex with others has been unprotected sex, that's the way we like it.

 

They've had sex with people you know to be unclean /untrustworthy when it comes to their sexual practices.

No way would we go with people we knew were dirty or unclean.

 

They readily admit to their "wild" sexual encounters and are proud of them.

We have had some pretty wild times ourselves over the years!

 

Other.

We started swinging, swapping in the mid 70’s, the wife had her tubes tied so all our sex with others was bare back sex.

When the big nasty A I D’s came out we modified our behavior and were a lot more cautious with who we played with.

In the early 2000s a wife’s girlfriend (who we played with at times and had done so for around 15 years) caught Herpes, the wife and I decided to call it quits, not only the scare but age was also catching up with us and after 25 + years in the scene of an active sex life with others without using protection and not catching any S T Ds know we were lucky.

We were careful who we went with most of the time but we were also very lucky, we know that.

We have now been married close to 50 years and still very much in love.

[Guest mysticon]

I'd have select "other" for me personally. I'm not so much concerned with others' sexual activity, since I insist on protection. What scares me away is someone who comes across as too pushy, overeager; or needy. I recently ran into a guy like this on a site I am on. I make it very clear on my profile that I want friends in and out of the bedroom, and that I'm not just going to jump into bed with someone right away. We were discussing what we were looking for, and I tell him FWB's; he tells me he needs sex- don't we all LOL. From the rest of the tone of the conversation, it was very obvious that he thought it was a given we would be playing, ummmm.... maybe we should meet in person first and see how it goes LOL. Then if I was away from my computer, and didn't answer him right away; I got comments about how guess I wasn't talking to him. Those things right there really made me feel uneasy, much more so than if I had found out he had a lot of partners.

[alabama59 17]

My wife and I are both straight and work in the medical field, so when a male says he is BI ,due to the fear of disease we pass. Our profession allows both of us to have free and frequent lab tests for STD's, HPV's , AIDA's etc. We are doth disease free and plan on staying that way , we are very selective and play with just a few couples we trust and know.

 

We also tend to avoid those with body tattoos and piercings for much the same reason.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

None of those those things listed would necessarily scare us off.  Actually, we'd be unlikely to even know many of them because they aren't the sort of things we ask. In sort of a strange way though, if we DID know them, that would be because the other couple was oversharing or bragging, and that would probably scare us off.  We don't like pushy or "look at me" types, just not our style, so someone bragging about their past sexual exploits is more of a turn-off than turn-on.

[couplers 4,577]

For us in our poly family, it's the other way around.  We have lots of sex, but very few partners.  The core is our family, and few selected others, which is smaller now than it has been in the past.  So although I feel as if we are part of the swinger community, or maybe more accurately the non-monogamous "lifestyle" community, we are not open to casual sex with others.  If a relationship develops then we would consider one or more of us having sex, but as an on-going, non-swinging limited basis.

[udsarge 119]

One thing that scared me off.....I had woman that I slept with and she said that she "loved me". I only slept with her once, and I was clear that it was a sexual thing only. She said in a text that she "loved me" and I had to run the other way quickly. Got way to clingy too quickly, and was not what we were looking for at all.

 

[adamgunn 1,460]

11 hours ago, udsarge said:

One thing that scared me off.....I had woman that I slept with and she said that she "loved me".

A female Ted Mosby . . .