Boyfriend is BI?

[smc0516 15]

Okay, I have a problem. I think my boyfriend is Bi-sexual... actually I know he is but he hasn't told me yet. I have proof, but I can't show him. I have hinted to him many ways that if he is that I'm okay with it. I have even told him that it would be such a turn-on to see him with another man... but still he hasn't confessed. The worst part is I think he is hooking up with men behind my back, which means he's cheating.

 

I think he is afraid to tell me because we are swingers and he might be afraid that couples would be turned off to us if they knew he liked men too. We have been dating for over a year, so why is he holding back part of himself. Can anyone help shed some light on how to get him to confess?

 

Thanks.

[sexyshelby 19]

How would you handle the situation if you suspected he was cheating with another woman? You should deal with it the same way.

 

I would just confront him with what you know. See how he reacts to it and then go from there. To me, the bigger issue is whether or not he is cheating, not if he's bi or not.

[HotMoCpl 20]

This happened to my wife in her previous marriage. She was seven months pregnant before she realized he was not straight. No, she didn't like it. SexyShelby is right. Confront him and get the issues right.

[Swing*8701 887]

The following is my opinion and if I scare anyone, I don't care. I've only known one person ever to contract HIV in the Lifestyle. A married, bisexual male who played solo with men. Statistically, it just jumps the numbers through the roof.

 

I never had sex with this guy, I'd call him an acquaintance, at best. I knew him years before I ever Played. He did not infect his wife, but they never had anal sex. And yes, this was in the late 90's and he did die of HIV.

 

So, yes you need to confront him not only about the homosexual behavior, but his safer sexual practices. However, he's already lying to you and probably will continue to do so. Regardless, you need to get tested now and probably again in three months as the T-cell response can take some time. He needs to get tested as well, but I would not trust him to tell the truth about any lab result.

[iapr 24]

I agree with the others in that the real issue is the deception and cheating. If he is not admitting it here is the possible reasons

 

#1. he has some serious issue over it and is not comfortable with it. Not good.

 

#2. He is getting his extra cock on the side and does not want to involve you in it. In otherwords is cheating. Again not good.

 

#3. he is not actually bi but is displaying all the signs of being bi and sneaking around and having sex without your knowledge or approval. Again, really not good.

 

#4. He is engaging in behaviours that he is afraid you will not approve of so he is hiding them from you and since you are already swingers and you have told him you would like to have a bisexual MMF experience with him. REALLY REALLY NOT GOOD!!

 

 

You have a highway of red flags here and the issue is not swinging and it is not because other couples won't accept him. You have issues here because there are some really big problems taking place here.

[jdtpcouple 32]

Ok my initial response is "lucky girl" as I find bi-guys a turn on.

 

I get what you are saying about his reservations in confiding in you being swinger related because even in an open minded community like swinging there can still be a homophobic atmosphere in the "boys club".

 

I think you got a good start with giving him a positive reaction before he brings it up. I would have advised you to be patient with him, but then I read the post about HIV. The "cheating" is a relationship issue, not a swinging thing and his extra curricular activities put your sexual health & those you swing with at risk.

 

I dislike the use of the word "confront" because it makes it feel as if you are going to attack him with your proof of his bisexuality, resulting in him being defensive if not fully denying it. Try to bring it up in a loving way, showing support & present what you know as an attempt at growing closer. The "cheating" and condom use part of the conversation will follow naturally. He will be more likely to be honest about how many partners he's had on the side & if he used protection if you are not screaming "I know you are cheating with this guy & I can prove it too!"

[blondie77 17]

There are so many red flags here that it worries me. The one thing that keeps popping up in my head is.....is there a possibility that he's gay? I don't mean to say that he is....but why hide it if you say you would love the opportunity to share this with him? I could be WAY off course here, but obviously somethings going on that's deeper than just him thinking he'll scare off potential couples. And I agree....I think the more important issue is his cheating.

[novabicple 15]

We don't think this is a bi-guy problem or a swinger problem. It's a relationship problem. It doesn't belong on a swinger site. It belongs on a "I can't communicate with my boyfriend." site.

 

Aside from that, though, we think every poster including the OP has misdiagnosed the issue/problem. We think it's not whether or not he's bisexual (so what!), gay (how could you possibly reach that conclusion from the OP posting?!?) or cheating (heinous!) but rather, it's a issue/problem of communication.

 

Your collection of 'proof' or 'hinting to him many ways' are, to us, glaring red flags that you and he have a serious communication problem. This is a relationship killer! If you are truly a couple, or truly want to be a couple, there should be no reason why you can't just talk to him about your feelings.

 

Try it and see what he says. Make sure your prepared to LISTEN to what he says, not just HEAR what he says. His answers to your questions may be surprising, and even... fun! Then again they may be disappointing. Be prepared for all.

[FloridaFlirt 15]

IMO, it is the fact that he is sneaking around behind your back that is bothersome....him being bi is no biggie..actually can be a turn on...

 

The only way to know is to talk frankly about it.

[rokhead 16]

Have a MFM, get the other guy to fuck you doggie while your guy lies underneath licking your clit. You'll find out in short order what he likes. Actually, it's one of my unfulfilled fantasies to be the one on the bottom looking at the cock fucking my girl. Yet, I've never had a home experience, nor wanted to.

[Beardedknight 15]

First, everyone else has pretty much covered the point of this being an issue of honesty and communication and cheating. But I would like to add a different view, but not saying what he is doing is right or wrong, that is for you to decide.

 

Anyway, as a Bi-Male I can still remember the feelings I had before I was able to not only admit it to my GF, but also admit it to myself. I had all these fantasies about being with either another guy or a TG or a female with a strap-on, etc. For a few years, but never acted on them do to being in the Military, but when I got out and my first wife left me, it was my chance to explore.

 

But I felt that since I was still fantasizing more about women then I couldn't be gay, didn't think about being Bi. So I started hitting some of the adult "book" stores and would let guys suck me off while watching a video, etc.

 

Well, my GF (second wife) had an idea that I might be Bi. We would read variations and bi-options and of course I would get extra turned-on when it involved MMF situations.

 

She finally confronted me, first by using her fingers in my ass while giving a BJ, which was wild. Then after she started talking to me about it and I finally confessed, and with her help I was able to accept that I was Bisexual and not Gay.

 

I can also say that during my bookstore days, it was only getting and giving oral, and I do follow the Europeans that believe we have too much acid in our stomachs for any std's to survive. But I also did make sure I didn't have any open gum sores in my mouth too.

 

So, maybe he is being safe at what he is doing. The other thought is that maybe he is having an affair with a gay man and that is why he doesn't want to admit it.

 

But as everyone else has said, you do need to talk to him in an open and honest way, not attacking. And you do need to make sure he is being safe! But you should still get tested, at least twice!

 

Hope this point of view helps some.

[badboyooplik 15]

Well you do have a problem there. I'm bi and I've been out for a very long time. I meet guys all the time that are as you have desrcribed your boyfriend. And your probably right about some of the reasons he won't open this part of himself up to you.

 

It is taboo and alot of men won't even be naked in the same room with a guy who they think may even be looking at them in a sexual way. They don't want to swing with couples with bi men even if the bi man understands that the other man is straight.

 

There are many reasons for this most of them are stupid. People are afraid of disease but what they don't realize is that women get infected with HIV by taking a good load in their pussy way faster than a guy could by giving a blowjob.

 

One other is just plain homophobia.

 

It could also be that there are times that he just wants to be with a man. If he really is bi then that may be it and if your not approving of this then he WILL sneak around for it. "The leopard cannot change his spots." If he is bi he has needs and they must be met or the conflict in himself will tear him apart. If your not willing to let him play alone then he will sneak it, and feel guilty about it, and it will destroy him and the relationship.

 

Whatever the reason the whole thing isn't healthy for him, you or the relationship.

 

If you care, you should confront him with whatever evidence you have and make him talk about it. Tell him that lying is not acceptable and that if he isn't truthful with you about his sexuality and that if it doesn't change your going to have to re-evaluate the relationship.

 

Or you can keep the status quo and turn a blind eye.

[twohots4u2 188]

We recommend that you let him know that being bi is OK with you. But, then discuss the "cheating" aspect with him. Work with him to determine if your relationship still works or not. Then, if you want to continue with the relationship, try an MFM, and both of you play with the guest. That way he can satisfy both of his interests without cheating.

 

The bottom line is that the most important thing in a relationship is trust.

[Cerberus 16]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......

[badboyooplik 15]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......

 

No, you have, but they just won't admit it. I've met many, many women who think two guys together is "hot"... Beside what does that have to do with this thread? We're already discussing this ad nauseum in another thread.

[ShellyM 0]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......

 

Actually, we have met a few women who think the idea is erotic. Once actually watches gay male porn.

[ShellyM 0]

There are so many red flags here that it worries me. The one thing that keeps popping up in my head is.....is there a possibility that he's gay? I don't mean to say that he is....but why hide it if you say you would love the opportunity to share this with him? I could be WAY off course here, but obviously somethings going on that's deeper than just him thinking he'll scare off potential couples. And I agree....I think the more important issue is his cheating.

 

I don't agree that he is homosexual. If he loves his girlfriend and enjoys sex with a woman he is bi-sexual. A woman who likes to lick kitty and is married to a man she loves isn't called gay. I agree, if he is cheating that is just NOT okay. But because he enjoys sex with men sometimes along with women that does not make him a homosexual. Men can be bi-sexual just like most swinging women are.

[lovefest04 699]

"Cerberus I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......"

 

That proves you've never met my wife or at least discussed this subject with her. It makes her crazy

 

To the poster,

 

He's bi, not gay and he needs to know that you are REALLY ok with his behavior before he will modify his. Let's face it female Bisexual behavior is far more accepted in the lifestyle.

 

In reality, he is outside of the norm and from many of the posts I've read here, has a right to be secretive about his desires, rather that open himself up to the possible ridicule.

 

Your original post didn't convince me you are ok with it. Possibly just because of the way you phrased you post. So, make sure your ok with it and then make sure you can communicate that to him, then see how he reacts.

 

Best of luck and here's wishing you both a long and sex-filled life.

[2chase3 25]

Ok.... are you truly ok with it? I mean you say it would turn you on, but your opening line was "i have a problem." and the ender is how do i get hum to confess?

 

Men read beteen the lines sweetheart. Possibly reassure him you love him for who he is. And if it isnt a problem for you, I am sure in time he will share his desires with you.

[Beardedknight 15]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......

 

I guess I have been fortunate, with the fact that my current wife and my second wife both get VERY turned on when watching me with another guy.

 

In fact my current wife usually has an orgasm just from watching me with another guy, without even touching herself!

 

Unfortunately it hasn't happend in awhile since we haven't been able to find any Bi-Couples where we are not living. Or at least any that want to hook up, a lot of talkers but no action.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......

 

I guess you have to ask that question in a direct way to find the woman that thinks it is hot. You may already actually know her.

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I have been Bi since 98 and have encountered SO MANY men cheating on their wives or b/f's with other men. I wont have sex with another man if he is hiding it from his lover.

 

FORGETABOUTIT!

 

You should confront him and if he tells you ...FINE...That's up to you what you do next.

 

My Ex lover LOVED watching me with another man and i do it often with my Lifestyle friends

[safireblues 106]

I think guy on guy action is the hottest thing, but if he's putting you at risk with anal sex with other men, you need to find out RIGHT NOW.

[Perseus 16]

I have to say, in the last 3 to 4 years, the attitude about bimen on the board has changed a lot. I remember before there were ton of people that were like "No way!" I have seen other changes in the world too.. It used to be that tgirls didn't p[lay with each other either and now that is all they are looking for... I guess, as Mr. Dillon said, "The times they are changing..."

[OnHArry 23]

okay I have a problem.. I think my boyfriend is Bi-sexual... actually I know he is but he hasnt told me yet... I have proof, but I cant show him. I have hinted to him many ways that if he is Im okay with it.. I have even told him that it would be such a turn on to see him with another man... but still he hasnt confessed... the worst part is I think he is hooking up with men behind my back, which means he's cheating. I think he is afraid to tell me because we are swingers and he might be afraid that couples would be turned off to us if they knew he liked men too. We have been dating for over a year, so why is he holding back part of himself. Can anyone help shed some light on how to get him to confess???

thanks

 

I am guessing here, but I would be willing to venture that the reason you know he is Bi is that you may have seen an E mail or viewed a site or chat room he did not close.

 

Assuming that; It is quite possible he has never actually done anything other than cyber sex. There are a lot of married guys, singles to I suspect, who talk about their fantasies on line, it is a great outlet, but would never actually meet a guy for sex.

 

I also suspect the reason you don't want to be totally open about knowing is you don't want him to think you are eavesdropping on his private chats. Remember it might just be a fantasy he is entertaining.

 

In any event I think the best answer came from Beardedknight, and you should talk to him if you saw it accidentally say so, if he is only indulging in a fantasy he will doubtless feel very uncomfortable discussing it.

 

Bottom line, talk and stop hinting, be honest, be open but tell him all you know and what you suspect, sitting on it won't solve anything, and as others mentioned communication is so important.

[LOOKIN4FUN9773 15]

Communictation and trust is the most important thing in a healthy relationship (more so in a swing relationship ).If you can not talk to your partner and trust them you are headed for problems.

 

The issue that we see is the most important here is trust issue.That needs to be addressed first,the bi or gay issue is mute.If is going outside of your relationship and its not in your swing agreement that its cheating!If it is something you have discused before and agree its ok than its not cheating.Once you have worked out the cheating issue than you can address the bi/gay thing.

 

Good luck!

[easyguy 8]

I was reading these posts with great personal interest.

 

Ladies, this is one of America's BIG secrets. No one wants to talk about how pervasive it is and we prefer to ignore it as much as possible. If any of you knew what I know, you'd be concerned. We got a taste of it a while with the Larry Craig bust and the McGreevy scandal, and I wonder how many of your husbands wiped a bead of sweat off their brow thinking, "There but for the grace of God......"

 

Larry says he's not gay, and I agree with him. Gay is a socio-political construct. To them, gays are sissy single men who throw dinner parties. However, just because one isn't 'gay' does not mean one isn't a cocksucker, or that one doesn't throw one's legs up in the air begging to be fucked, while wearing your bustier.

 

Ladies, men who crave cock learn at an early age to sweep it under the carpet as much as possible. Some hold off for years or decades. Many (like myself) craft an entirely new persona to throw throw others, often including themselves, off the scent, but eventually, A HARD COCK WILL ALWAYS BE SATISFIED. It's nothing personal. Look at what so many important, successful men have risked and lost for it.

 

Often, there are no signs. His need and outlets for cock are so carefully compartmentalized, that they may be quite divorced from all other aspects of his life.

Not MY husband. He HATES queers. Number one red flag. Almost a sure bet that he thinks about homosexuality way too much. Protesting too much is what nine year olds usually do, but it's amazing how effective it has been in this case.

 

Not MY husband. He's a good Christian. Number two red flag. See above.

 

Not MY husband. He's all man. Nothing feminine about him. Number three red flag. Some guys just try too hard.

 

Spends more time at the gym than his physique would indicate?

 

Occasionally has quarter sized brass tokens in his pockets or car, but no evidence of a passion for video games?

 

Crusty spots on his boxers? Most faithful married men's penises do not drip residual semen while away from home.

 

Invests in hard disc cleaning equipment? Cleans cache and cookies nightly?

 

Internet related, obviously discreet credit card charges?

 

Seems to need to visit the mens room more frequently when out (such as at the mall) than at home?

 

If one or more apply to you, that mouth kissing you may have recently had a cock in it. His strongest tool? Your denial. If it were me, I'd get a keystroke counter installed, or hire a PI. No woman deserves to be married to a cocksucker - without her consent that is.

[SFl_Bi_Couple 37]

Well, my wife is married to a cocksucker and loves it...LOL We are both bi, although its been easier to find a bi-guy than a single bi-lady. She is very turned on watching me with another guy and usually lays back with her toys and plays and watches. She does want her share of cock though...LOL

 

Our thoughts are as long as everyone is OK with it...who cares.

 

Almost all of our swinging has been MMF 3somes and it seems to work for us.

[easyguy 8]

I certainly didn't mean to imply that it wasn't ok...Just as long as all parties are honest and above board about it