Anal for him but not me? What gives!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I don't think bigger is always better (with either anal or vaginal sex), it's just different.

 

And, if bigger hurts, it's never better (unless you're into pain).

 

I think first it's important to understand why you'd want to reserve some sexual activities only for each other. If it's because you feel "if I can't give it to her than no one should" I think that's a reason that will present problems for you during swinging. It is a reason motivated by feeling you're inadequate, which isn't something you should feel at all. Just because a partner can provide an experience to your wife that you can't, doesn't mean you're lacking or not a good lover.

 

Swinging provides an extraordinary opportunity to experience sex in new ways because you are with different people. That's one of the best things about swinging for me and Mr LM.

 

Imagine you are a man who loves oral, but your wife rarely (maybe never) gives you oral because she finds your size uncomfortable in her mouth. You find a play partner who can easily handle your size and gives you great oral. Would you want to pass that up again? Would you want your wife telling you that you can't have that because she can't provide it? Probably not.

 

Since it has been a year since you and your wife tried anal, you might want to give it a try again. Maybe the first time you went at it too aggressively, or didn't use enough lube, or didn't include enough preparation time to ready her, or maybe her bowels weren't ready to handle the experience at the moment (that can make a BIG difference in comfort). There are so many factors to consider with anal. I enjoy it, but don't find it comfortable every time we try, so we wait until another time.

 

Talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers. I think you'll find a solution that will make you both happy.

[curiousswingers 17]

We have a similar issue, hubby is quite large and NO it does not feel good for anal, but we have a play partner that makes it work quite well facelick We have also in the past had the play partner....um clear the way so to speak and then hubby also did anal after him and that felt quite nice so maybe that is an option for you at some point.

[des1re06 200]

Have the same problem with hubby-too big and ouchie!

 

We've decided that if I can't with him, I won't at all. Just us.

 

I have been reading about how to prepare the anus to receive larger, so that might help your wife to try that if she's interested.

 

Mrs. D

[Twolovers01 15]

We have reserved ANAL for just us. Plus she's not a huge fan of it anyways. But it is something that we will not do with anyone else...

[blondie77 17]

Personally I agree with the others above and I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but yeah, bigger is only better if it doesn't hurt. Personally, I don't care for anal, but my hubby loves it. I've done it in the past and liked it, but the guy wasn't very well endowed so it didn't hurt at all. My hubby is very well endowed, and I just can't get past the pain whenever we try. So we've come to a compromise. He doesn't get offended when I turn him down (of course he doesn't ask anymore) because he knows it's painful for me. However, he gets the pleasure of anal sex with a gal we play with, so we both win. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I don't think your wife is insulting you intentionally....you're just too big for her. Which is quite a compliment in itself, isn't it? tehee!

[WildMiCouple 325]

I'll defer to the women's point of view on the size issue But it makes sense to me if he was smaller, then going there with him would be much more enjoyable. Tam really doesn't go there much with me unless she's really buzzed. And then I hear about it the next morning.....week.....month....well you get the picture

 

lukeaduke20 said:

Should we reserve somethings for ourselves, or just go with the flow?

 

You're obviously out of your comfort zone with her doing something with another guy that she won't/can't do with you. You'll find the comfort zone issue will come up now and then. It's best to get it squared around before you play again. And having rules doesn't mean the comfort zone won't be pushed again. Even we experienced swingers without rules have our comfort zone bumped every now and then. It's no different than having an issue come up in your everyday life. And usually, the one pushing the comfort zone doesn't even know it. So ironing it out now, as it seems you're doing, allows you to have an enjoyable next time.

 

Good luck,

Brett

[WesternSwing 504]

Mrs. WS loves anal with the right guy, and that has allot to do with whether or not she trusts him and of course, size.

 

When we first started swinging we reserved that for just ourselves since even though she'd been married before and had plenty of boyfriends before me, I was the only one she'd had anal with and she was 1) very nervous to try it with others, and 2) we wanted something just between us.

 

As we became more experienced that was no longer an issue. We have plenty between us besides sex acts.

 

But, I can see how you'd feel dissed. She did something for him that she doesn't do often for you. I can see how that would bother you some. But, it may all come down to size and she probably wants you more than anyone, but it will just take more TLC than you usually have time for as a married couple. I know for us sex is usually a pretty quick event between kids interrupting us, or after we finally get the kids down and the house buttoned-up for the night we're so tired we just want a quick fuck and go to sleep. No time for funny stuff. But when we are away from home, and that usually is swinging, than we have lots of time with our playmates and with each other.

 

You also provided her with a very, very sexy situation, one in which she felt comfortable to let herself go like that. And like I said, you gave her that. You may not have done her in the ass, but you made it safe for it to happen. And if she enjoys it, great. You said it was hot, too!

 

My advice from having been there... talk about it and decide if it is something you're okay with happening again. You are new at this and you are bound to cross a few lines you didn't even know existed yet. So don't be too hard on each other or yourselves. It's how you handle it when it happens that makes the difference.

[friskyous 17]

Mrs F does anal at times when we play with our regulars.. I'm not that into doing it myself but I find it very hot that she lets him.

[twohots4u2 188]

We have found that the secret to good anal sex is for the woman to cum first, be real hot and sexually excited, use lots of lube, loosen her up first with fingers, and then go slow and gentle in putting your dick in the first time.

 

Tina, a small Asian, was very reluctant to try anal because she thought it would hurt, even though my dick is modest size (6"X5"). Previously, any dick larger than mine gave her great discomfort and so we avoided those type guys when we swung. And, we avoided any guy or couple who wanted anal.

 

The first change in her attitude toward anal came after an unusual event we had. We were discussing anal and she asked me, "How about if I do you with my strap-on." What could I do but say, "Why yes, of course, Honey." So, she did, I found I really enjoyed it, and she really got a power trip from doing me.

 

Two weeks later, we had an MFM with a guy who was a very skilled lover, had a very large (9"X6") dick, and was long lasting. The MFM changed her. He and I warmed her up for an hour with foreplay and oral until she came hard. Then, he gently worked his dick in her, went no deeper than 6 inches at her request, and had sex with her for about 45 minutes before he came. After that we talked about anal, he told us that he had given many women their first anal, and she agreed to try. After he and I warmed her up again with oral and rimming, we used our fingers and lots of lube to loosen up her anus, and then he gently worked his dick in her ass. This time she found that she loved him in her ass, going in all the way to the bottom, pounding her hard, and giving her anal for a long time (almost an hour). She found that she likes anal better than vaginal sex. So now we have expanded our sexual horizons, again.

 

Suggest that you discuss more with your wife about how anal can be successfully done, be patient, and don't pressure her. Good luck!

[ShellyM 0]

twohots4u2 said:

We have found that the secret to good anal sex is for the woman to cum first, be real hot and sexually excited, use lots of lube, loosen her up first with fingers, and then go slow and gentle in putting your dick in the first time.

 

Tina, a small Asian, was very reluctant to try anal because she thought it would hurt, even though my dick is modest size (6"X5"). Previously, any dick larger than mine gave her great discomfort and so we avoided those type guys when we swung. And, we avoided any guy or couple who wanted anal.

 

The first change in her attitude toward anal came after an unusual event we had. We were discussing anal and she asked me, "How about if I do you with my strap-on." What could I do but say, "Why yes, of course, Honey." So, she did, I found I really enjoyed it, and she really got a power trip from doing me.

 

Two weeks later, we had an MFM with a guy who was a very skilled lover, had a very large (9"X6") dick, and was long lasting. The MFM changed her. He and I warmed her up for an hour with foreplay and oral until she came hard. Then, he gently worked his dick in her, went no deeper than 6 inches at her request, and had sex with her for about 45 minutes before he came. After that we talked about anal, he told us that he had given many women their first anal, and she agreed to try. After he and I warmed her up again with oral and rimming, we used our fingers and lots of lube to loosen up her anus, and then he gently worked his dick in her ass. This time she found that she loved him in her ass, going in all the way to the bottom, pounding her hard, and giving her anal for a long time (almost an hour). She found that she likes anal better than vaginal sex. So now we have expanded our sexual horizons, again.

 

Suggest that you discuss more with your wife about how anal can be successfully done, be patient, and don't pressure her. Good luck!

 

Wow, great advice! This is one territory I'd like to go in but just can't seem to get the hang of it. One time when I was just out of the shower Jay was able to do this. But I don't know if I am a tight ass or what LOL, but my shit just will not loosen up. We have tried lube. I LOVE fingers. I think I have a pain protect thing going on...I expect pain and tense up without knowing. Is this possible?

 

Shelly

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here--Your wife gave you an honest answer. It's an answer that makes sense. She doesn't love you any less just because she needs a smaller cock to enjoy anal sex.

 

Now, here's where I'm going to offer a general criticism: Even when women are honest with a man, all too often the man turns it around and is upset because in some way, they're not getting 'their share' of the sex acts performed.

 

Now, I can relate to your wife. Among our playmates are Michael and Tom. They have smaller cocks than Ed and are easier to take anally or in a dp. Ed realizes this and knows that when he an I have anal, we tend to have to 'talk my ass into it'. That being said, my galpals do enjoy vaginal sex with my husband because he is a bit bigger and it's a different (not better, just different) experience from their husbands (Michael and Tom). Despite all this, Ed would never think I was 'putting out' more for another man than him because it was easier to have anal with a smaller cock.

[sexcupid 809]

I LOVE fingers. I think I have a pain protect thing going on...I expect pain and tense up without knowing. Is this possible?

Shelly

 

Yes...I can give a little more detail if you like...learned loads in the sexuality class I took in the spring.

 

Maria

[Tybee Swing 286]

lukeaduke20 said:

...only after thinking about it did i question the fact that he got anal but I haven't had it in nearly a year!. When i brought it up she said that my penis was much thicker and it causes her a great deal of discomfort...

Has this occurred in anyone else's experiences? Should we reserve somethings for ourselves, or just go with the flow?

 

Here is a past thread called "Too Big for Anal", about exactly this same topic.

 

I posted on it, as I can relate to your wife's position on this. In fact, I would answer you with exactly the same post as it directly answers your questions (experience with "too big for anal", choosing to reserve anal vs. go with the flow), so please read what I wrote there and pretend that I wrote it directly to you.

 

lukeaduke20 said:

I can appreciate that and it was enjoyable to watch!, but i always operated under the impression that bigger was better!!!

 

Most men seem to believe this, but it's not true. Smaller-to-average penises are better for anal and oral. Many women enjoy taking a man to the base orally (or nearly) without discomfort and gagging. I love my hubby's big fat cock, but in swinging, I enjoy the variety of getting a smaller one to play with/suck on sometimes, too.

[Shy 1 15]

I have found that if you let your friend do her first . then right after he stops the anal ,you insert yours , since you have to condition the anal canal and allow it to produce its own lubercation and losen up . i think you will find that you can do it without a great deal of pain for her. After a couple of times doing it with someone that is smaller first helps a lot to allow her to strech and get easier for you to enter and soon you won't need the other person to enter her first, you should be able to start off first,being gentle w/lots of lube. shy 1

[sereneiders 263]

Bigger may hurt better!

 

Now, it seems your wife enjoy anal, that she would enjoy it with you, should you were not that bigger!

 

You can get jealous about this and rule out anal from swinging, or accept is and allow her to enjoy something that isn't so enjoyeble for her with you.

[dingdong69 15]

That's something that we have an ouchy problem with, my current wife and I don't understand, we try and try many times unsucsesfully but she allways complained about the size and I'm just average (8") and not too thick, besides my current and gorgeous wife is avobe average (5',8") tall and the thing I don get is my former wife was a petite asian slim, only (5',3") tall and we had numeros 3somes were we would have well endowned avobe average playmates and we would do it all day long for the entire wekend with no problems whatsoever, I guess that we have to ruled out because is not enjoyable for her unless as somebody else on this tred said; let a below average playmate penetrate her before lubricate extra and then try it

[funfun31 25]

My wife has been known to allow some of our swinging partners to have anal with her. We have done it before, a couple of times (on one occasion, she was really drunk and asked me for it). It was fun, but frankly I can take it or leave it. She explains to me "you're too big for that ride and you really don't have the patience to do it right..." It doesn't bother me that she'll give it up to some other guys, but not me, since it's really not my bag anyways (my attitude is that if there's a perfectly good pussy there (and I have yet to find one that wasn't tight enough to please me), why bother with the other input?). Besides, one of the great things about swinging is that there might be some things your wife isn't into doing, but there might be a swing partner out there who not only doesn't have a problem with it, she might really like it. Or, as Redd Foxx once said: "You show me a husband {or wife} who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will"

[hotrod1975 3]

My wife and I used to have anal sex on the odd occasion. She played alone with a guy not too long ago and ended up having anal sex with him - she has now decided she does not want to do it with me anymore. Her reason is that he is smaller than me and it was easier. It does annoy me a little.

[AdamGunn2 392]

My wife and I enjoyed anal with each other very occasionally, but she wouldn't engage in that particular event with any of her foursome or single gentleman partners - it was her decision. She felt that the power dynamics of anal sex just wasn't for her with other men.

 

Then, one night at a house party, she asked to go into a room alone with one of her favorite partners, Pete. I agreed as we knew most of the people at the party and I knew I'd have plenty of fun on my own. She came out of the room an hour later with a big smile on her face. Later I was talking to Pete in the kitchen, asked if they'd had a good time and he ducked his head - obviously he felt he had something to hide. On our way home, I asked Mary about it, she just said they had a real good time.

 

A few weeks later, she told me he wanted to do anal with her for a long time, and that night she finally let him. She said she really enjoyed it, it was something quite different in her swinging experience. I don't know if she ever had anal sex with any other gentlemen, but it wouldn't bother me if she did - in my opinion, if it doesn't hurt anybody, anything you do in the LifeStyle is fine.