So do any couples here still have sex with other couples?

[rpu3 630]

I myself had been having the same thoughts as it seems we don't get nearly as many swingers posts or swingers questions as we used to. It seems to be fringe elements, cuckolds, and threesomes for the most part.

 

Now maybe I'm just perceiving things this way and its not really the case, but I have to wonder. Has swinging 'slowed down' from the seeming rush of new swingers over the last five years, has the board slowed down, or am I just old and jaded and things are still pretty much the same?

 

As to the swingers questions thought - I personally don't feel the need to ask "swinger" questions because the questions have almost all been asked before, and good advice already exists. I've only been registered for a bit over a year, and I already just bypass questions that have already been asked and answered many times over. Often, I find the older or archived messages have better content than the current answers provided.

 

The board does seem slower - but a lot of the boards I read on a variety of subjects are slower. I had been attributing the slowness to summer - people have things to do and would rather be out and about instead of at a computer.

 

Your post and an answer or two reminds me yet again while I'm don't usually refer to myself a swinger - one reason is because many don't consider us swingers unless we play only with other couples. We are reminded on a semi-regular basis that for many, including those on this board, the term "swinger" is narrowly defined. We have played with couples, but we also have had enjoyable threesomes and solo play and engage in friends w/benefits arrangements. Somehow we don't fit the narrow definition of swingers that seems to be imposed at times. Hence, I tend to call myself "consensual nonmongamist", which gets to be a mouthful at times.

 

Hanging out in Swingers forums for years does not make you a Swinger anymore then me playing video games makes me a airline pilot.

 

I'm back to "what makes one a swinger?" And I'm not trying to be an argumentative ass by asking this - I ask myself on a regular basis why I am here since we only do "swapping" as one part of our recreational sex life. I'd go to a consensual nonmonogomist board, but I haven't found one yet.

 

All I truly know is that we are a married couple that does engage in sex with non-spousal units. Some of those people are single, some are couples. Sometimes we play as a foursome or a threesome, and sometimes solo (no, I'm not talking about masterbation - but I guess we do that too on occasion). I thought we had a place as swingers (even if its only one aspect of our alternative sex life), and thus a place or a voice on SwingersBoard, but at times I do wonder if that's really true?

 

Not that I'm inclined to stop posting... it's now a regular stop on my internet routine.

[The Fuse 1,012]

We're a couple. We have sex with other couples. It seems to me as if the trend is accelerating, not the other way around. When I say "the trend" I mean couples deciding they want to include other couples in their sex lives. My perception might be what it is because of where we live. Who knows.

[Alura 2,775]

Although we have (a few times) agreed to make an exception, our experiences have been with married couples. That's still our overwhelming preference and will (very likely) continue to be. We're "wife swappers" and make no apologies for it.

 

But, yeah, I miss "the old days" when the majority on this board were couple-oriented.

[ShellyM 0]

We very much prefer couples. We are dedicated to the fact that 3somes are to be a rare treat vs. the norm. However, it is VERY VERY hard to hook up with couples. Very hard. You have to get 4 people who are attracted. Then you get past the issues. Finding another couple where you are all attracted, there are no issues, everyone is a good lay is really tough. We have one couple that we know like that, and it took us a year of swinging to find them. However, we do enjoy the occasional 3some. We are doing an MFM next month with a yummy single man I know and we will be setting up a FMF soon.

[WildMiCouple 325]

Yep, we're definately a kinda couple. In fact it's been a rather fun summer (when we usually take a break) with quite a few "spur of the moments" thrown in. That's much more our style than planned out dates with the expectation to play.

 

I can't really say if the board is shifting away or not. With all the new people getting involved these days, the fringe element is bound to seem bigger. Probably just a natural ebb and flow that will even out over time.

 

Brett

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I don't think swinging is slowing down and I know the board is not slowing down. I think it does come down to definitions. Do we see more posts that fall outside of simple couple swapping, sure but we have opened our doors to that as the need has been expressed. This board has grown greatly in the last 5 years... or the last 10 for that matter. My stats don't go beyond June of 2000 when we switched to the software we are currently using... in June of 2000 we saw 10 new threads started. In June of this year (it was rather slow) we saw 387 threads started. In July so far we've already had 536 new threads started. Granted this includes introduction threads and other "non" threads. I do think that a lot of what is perceived as a slow down is just a shift in the questions asked and the answers given. For those who have been here forever it gets old answering the same questions over again... so most of us don't. Our answers have already been given if someone will take the time to look for them. However, there are many new people here and they will give their answers a time or two before they get tired of answering the same questions... and sometimes even they may feel that the question has already been answered so why say the same thing twice (even if it was someone else who said it the first time).

[blondie77 17]

I just want to say that personally a lot of questions I have wanted to ask in the past have already been asked and I'm wary of sounding repetitive. However...I love des1re06's suggestion to add a "tell us about your weekend" section. What a great idea. I don't know if it's possible or even something that everyone would like.....but it's a really good idea. I know I'd post there. You could read about steamy encounters, not so steamy encounters, funny stories and just tid bits on peoples lives. Would be a great way to see what everyone was up to.

[FloridaFlirt 15]

Gosh, I remember posing this question to our play group's forum and opening a big ol' can of worms! People whom I would not consider "swingers" were getting offended left and right!

 

In our group, we've got everything from couples who full swap to couples who only soft swap to couples that are only interested in women to couples that never play with anyone at all, but like the atmosphere of the parties and the freedom it gives to be naked in front of others.

 

So, who's a real swinger in this instance? I have my personal definition; however, as long as they are consenting adults who are "lifestyle friendly", they are welcome to come hang out with us. Who knows....it could be the party that changes their minds about it...

[ShellyM 0]

Florida, that's true. And also, remember that a lot of couples are like us...they don't just jump into full swap head first. We started out very slowly because we wanted to move with our comfort level. We started going to the club and were pretty much soft swap. We entered swinging in June and did not play until almost October. So there may be new swingers in here who are just trying to get a feel of everything and find their comfort zones before heading into full swap territory.

[airbrushman 22]

well I know I'm very much a newbie, but it sounds like it would be a lot easier if everyone wore a color coded bracelet or something to let others know if they were:

soft swap

full swap

MFM only

FMF only

just want to watch or be watched

 

just an idea LOL

[rpu3 630]

Well, the bands do exist already.

 

Not that I really want to wear one. I don't know what I want to do in advance to pick out the bracelet for the evening, and the black "anything goes" band wouldn't be accurate because there are things I don't do or may not feel like doing. I can just see it, "What do you mean, you don't feel like XYZ? You are wearing a black band for anything goes!"

[Spoomonkey 421]

rpu3 said:

Not that I really want to wear one.

 

I agree.

 

We have a cup code at our club. I always grab the color for couple just because it is easiest. If we are interested in a single, Mrs Spoo will approach them. But, really, I think colors and codes just end up confusing people and I have never had anyone approach us with "So, I noticed your cup..."

 

 

As to the original question, I think any message board is going to change the longer you are on it. Mostly because you change. Our first year or two here, everything was fascinating. But the truth is, swinging really isn't that difficult once you get into it and get lucky enough to meet some great people.

 

We are finally getting to a place where - for us - we feel like the lifestyle is heading in a direction we had hoped it would. So, in that sense it is really "heating up". But a big part of that is we have learned what we want and what makes swinging enjoyable for us.

 

We have sex with other couples - but it has definitely changed from what it was four years ago when we started. I try to keep that in mind when I read the questions of folks just starting out.

[LookingForward 15]

This thread is quite interesting, because I have noticed that there are few "success stories" posted (or we're looking in the wrong places). I imagine most don't share their experiences, for many obvious reasons.

 

However, We can say that we are a couple, and have had a successful meeting with another couple, for full swap sex, and it was great. I think it's important to share that it does happen, it can be fun and rewarding. For us, it actually enhances our relationship with each other. The lifestyle can be rewarding!

 

Good luck to those still searching, and try not to get discouraged.

[pepino 15]

I think the vanilla world has changed as it relates to marriage and relationships i e not as many people getting married and not as many people looking to be in a steady relationships.And that is where we all started.

[clit pro poet 15]

We're yet to meet (electronically or in person) anyone from the Board who would not be someone we'd really want to know. Most times, the "one" in "someone" is a couple. Sure., it's chancy that four people are really well aligned for sexual satisfaction. But the Board gives a darn good head start

 

Besides, there's excitement aplenty in groups, and special satisfaction in getting to know who's who. The chemistry in a room full of people at, say, meet and greet or meet up, is plenty warm enough to get our full attention.

 

Our feet are still dry, but 'looks like we'd like to do some wading. 'Nice to know the crowd at the pool. Especially, but not exclusively, couples.

[havefuninsun 122]

We've only played with couples, so for us, a new experience would be the FMF or MFM.

[daisy girl 34]

We have played with couples and singles...mostly full swap. We have been having a blast- I am totally enjoying writing about our adventures in my blog .

[hoistsail 18]

Probably at least two factors.

 

One as a swinger couple ages one of the participants looses interest in swinging and the other is still interested in recreational sex. That is my case.

 

Second the husbands that hace the desire to see their wife having sex with another man can now advertise on the web and link up. Before the internet this was not as easy. This can lead to a cuckold relationship or just an MFM. It allow allows those that are bi females to just go afte a female for a FMF.

[SuAndBud 23]

airbrushman said:

it sounds like it would be a lot easier if everyone wore a color coded bracelet or something to let others know if they were:

soft swap

full swap

MFM only

FMF only

just want to watch or be watched

 

Well, you'll have to forgive our ignorance but what defines "Soft Swap".

 

Are there fixed boundaries/activities that everyone (except us) are aware of when swapping softly?

[SuAndBud 23]

I don't know what the official boundaries of soft swap are..when I think of soft I think of voyeurism (having sex with each other around other couples having sex with each other) and maybe light touching or kissing. Mostly flirting.

 

When I think of moderate I think of kissing, touching and oral.

 

And then of course full swap.

 

Now, these are just the things that come to my mind when I think of each.

Shelly

 

Thanks for the reply, but does that mean there is no actual deffinition of "rules" for "soft-swing"?

 

We're not soft swing anyway, but it must be very difficult for folks who are or who are curious to know what they can expect and what will be expected of them, in that case.

 

Does anyone know of a roughly deffinitive guide to "soft-swing" rules &/or etiquette.