First foursome ended weird!

[blondie77 17]

We finally did it!!! After only having threesomes in the past, hubby and I finally had our first foursome! We were with another couple this weekend, and while it was great, it ended strangely. Let me explain and perhaps I can get some feedback as to why this could've happened.

 

Hubby and I were at a party, drinking, laughing, having a good time. Towards the end of the night, there was another couple with whom we're friends (or rather, friendly aquaintances) but we don't hang out with them on a regular basis, nor do we live anywhere near them. The four of us proceeded to our home for an "afterparty" and neither of them know anything about our lifestyle. We had no intention of trying to seduce them, but merely enjoyed their company. We weren't drunk, but had had a few. We didn't drink once at home. Instead, the other woman suggested we play poker, which soon turned into strip poker. Things were fun and light and suddenly she mentioned she wanted to have an orgy. We just kind of laughed it off. She realized we have a jacuzzi tub and asked if we could all get in. Seeing as how we're naked anyways, I thought why not. Could be fun.

 

Well, it was fun. We were all laughing, having a good time, naked in the tub but nothing serious was happening. I thought it'd end there....but she kept mentioning she wanted an orgy and we kept laughing about it..not knowing if she was serious or not. Of course, the two of us girls ended up kissing on a dare I think...it just went from there. We all got out of the tub, hubby and I took a few moments to ourselves to discuss things and we were fine with how the evening was going. We thought giving them a few min would give them time to change their mind. They weren't ready to quit yet, though. WE all piled on the bed, and I asked them three times were they sure they wanted to continue. They assured us they did. SO......we did. It was fun!!!

 

Until.....Somewhere in the middle of things, somehow, things just seemed to get quiet and still. I don't know how to explain it, but it was just a feeling I got that something wasn't quite right. I asked them if everything was fine. Yes, they said. I asked the woman if she was okay. She said she was having fun. It went on for a few more min and then when we switched back to our own partners, they suddenly got up, got their clothes and went into the next room for bed. They didn't say anything to us then, and barely said goodbye in the morning.

 

Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to get everything out right. So.....needless to say, this left us both baffled. I thought we did everything right and I thought we'd made sure they were okay and comfortable the entire night. I don't know what went wrong...any ideas? I just emailed the other woman, but haven't heard back from her yet. I'm dying to know if it was something we did?! Do you guys see anything in that story that was a mistake that I'm just not seeing?

 

PS...if I can make things more clear by explaining something in more detail, please let me know

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Alot of things happened that night.

 

Somewhere along the course of the evening you just get tired. Then there was the the possible newness of the situation for them as well as you.

 

When ya'll switched back to your own partners maybe the wanted to finish in private. Or they didn't want to tell you what was going on between them at the moment. Just a nod of the head between them could end the night for them. Alot of stuff to take in if it was their first time!!!

 

Give them a few days and contact them. Don't go overboard. I would still be discrete in discussing it with them if the conversation doesn't flow that way. I wouldn't make it the main topic of conversation unless it goes that way. "I had fun the other night" or something to that effect and see how they react with.

 

Just a couple of the possibilities.

[socolais 696]

You didn't mention the other husband's reactions to the events of the evening. I can imagine that they're "out on the town" and in serious party mood and they've been fantasizing and role playing about sexual group play. She sounds assertive and saw an opportunity to live a fantasy. I suspect he got taken for a ride by her enthusiasm, and didn't want to broadcast his mounting discomfort out loud. When they got back together, his body language let her know it was a good time to call it quits. They've probably had a lot of discussion between them and still have much more to go.

 

I think it might help for you to disclose your lifestyle experience to her and all four of yall get back together and have a serious group discussion.

[ShellyM 0]

OP, I would talk to them about it. Don't write them off as a couple because they sound like fun. It may have been just simply being tired like someone else said....I know that when we KNOW we are meeting a couple to play we start around midnightish....starting play at 3am is EXHAUSTING.

Shelly

[FloridaFlirt 15]

I agree with Shelley....just talk to them about it. If they found that it wasn't what they wanted to do, at least you will know that. Hopefully they will give you some feedback.

 

Good luck!

[blondie77 17]

Oh wow.....there is sooo much good advice here. While I agree with everyone, I especially liked what socolais said about her being assertive (which she is) and him not saying much throughout the night. Perhaps he was "taken for a ride", and let her know once they were back together. Who knows. I did email her earlier today to let her know that we had a good time, but didn't mention anything about that evening. I just read her response...some small chit chat, then some mention at the bottom wondering if I was upset with her. Hmmmm. I haven't emailed her back yet. This is just all so strange. It was soooo easy when all hubby and I did was threesomes. It's so much harder when you have to make four people happy. Wouldn't life be soooo much easier if everyone just said what they meant and meant what they said?

[socolais 696]

I'm sure you already know the probability of this sequence of events is precisely the reason behind the general guidance against newbies playing with other newbies. That part is already history and what the future holds is dependent on the maturity and communication skills of the players. Hopefully, everyone gets comfortable with the activity that took place and becomes excited to take it to the next level of sharing. She sounds motivated toward that objective, maybe she just needs a little guidance. It sounds like he may need more time to think and they will need lots of communication and support. Here's hoping things turn out with everyone happy.

[TNT 1,155]

neither of them know anything about our lifestyle.

 

 

I'm a bit confused here.

 

Was the party that you met this couple at a swinger's party or a vanilla party?

 

I'm guessing vanilla since from the quote above you said neither of them knew anything about your lifestyle.

 

Could you clarify this please?

 

 

Teresa

[blondie77 17]

Sorry, yes it was a vanilla party. My hubby and I were aquaintances with this other couple, but only see them very occasionally during social gatherings. The woman of the couple always hinted that they like to experiment as a couple, or they liked to "get wild". My hubby and I usually just ignore comments like these because we know so many "vanilla" women who when they've been drinking all think they want to be "swingers" or whatever...but we try to steer clear of that. Suprisingly we get hit on by quite a few couples (mainly the women) all of whom are vanilla and usually all at vanilla parties. We never get involved with situations like that because we assume when they sober up they'll not be too happy about it.

 

This situation was kind of like that...but this other woman has spoken about swinging before and she's hinted to us many times that she's done "things" of which she doesn't say nor do we ask. We had a feeling they might be swingers, or at least they must have talked about it before. In any case, once at the after party, she wasn't shy in the least. She did say that she's been with women before and that they had a threesome once. We assumed that they were fine. We did talk about it a bit. Maybe I made it sound like we all just jumped into bed, but while we were all in the jacuzzi we did discuss it. They were so enthusiastic that it was hard to believe they'd act in such a strange way as they did.

[blondie77 17]

socolais mentioned that newbies trying to swing with newbies is more than likely going to result in exactly what happened. Well, perhaps I am a newbie to most of you, and in regards to foursomes, yeah I guess I am. But we do have quite a bit of experience in this lifestyle. We've been pretty active since we started, and while that doesn't mean much, we have learned a lot as a couple, and this certainly isn't our first experience ever.

 

I guess I don't really know what I wanted from asking my original question...but mainly I was just so suprised because all the signs were their in the past, they were so enthusiastic, even the other husband, though he didn't say as much, he certainly was having a good time. I guess I've just never experienced anything like it and because I'm so straight forward, I can't imagine why anyone else would want to avoid talking it out. Thanks for all your help. Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?

[Chicup 42]

Thing to remember is that people are weird.

 

We had a similar experience once, and I still have no idea what went wrong. Its the one time I didn't follow my initial reaction about a couple, and I still regret it. Just ended...odd. She then hinted that 'something' was wrong but she never got specific. I just shrugged them off as odd.

 

Sometimes wanting is better than having. After the lust is gone, especially for the males, things kinda turn off and what seemed like a good idea might seem like a lot less of a good idea. So this was perhaps a newbish couple (but maybe not, one trend I see is that sometimes long time swingers pretend they are newish to new swingers so they don't get scared off) and one of them figured out too late they couldn't handle it, signaled to their partner to stop and there you have it. Rather then cause drama they switched partners and left without much fuss.

[dayhiker 83]

Hi Blondie77,

I know sometimes I just run out of energy and get quiet.

So I'd say email her and say the dynamic of our activity got quite toward the end of the evening and the next morning. I don't understand why? Do you?

 

leave it opened so she can answer it how ever see wants.

dayhiker

[havefuninsun 122]

We had a similar experience once. We got to know a couple; the guy was an old proclaimed hippie who, back in the day, had a lot of experiences (kinda how VegasLee describes the glorious past ) -- his wife was bi but as a couple, they had never played before. He talked like she was a precious little flower that needed to be handled very delicately ...

 

... yeah, right -- boyfriend was WRONG. She and I hit it off; they invited us back to their place and she had NO problem making the first move on me and Mr. Fun. The husband, I think, was in shock -- we were all having fun, and when he saw his wife with Mr. Fun having a good time, suddenly the play stopped ... they went to another room and he came back and said, "hey guys ... I don't know how to say this, but I think it's best if you all get dressed. She's kinda freaking out."

 

She was a freak, all right , but I wouldn't say she was freaking out. I'd say HE was freaking out. We didn't leave right away and we all talked, but it was just very very strange. In the next few days after that we got an email saying that they didn't think that swinging was good for her (roll eyes) and they also didn't think we could have a friendship either.

 

We still wonder sometimes WTF, but we chalk it up to experience. Interestingly, their profile stays pretty active and I do see him online a lot, but I have no problem respecting people's wishes. My guess is that he just couldn't handle seeing his wife pleasured by another man.

[semntj 15]

More than likely the guy freaked a bit because the Mrs. was enjoying things so much and so "willing". I had some issues within myself to deal with after the first time I watched my wife pleasured by another man, but we dealt with it and I believe I grew a bit as a person from it. I am sure it's nothing that you or your hubby did wrong.

[blondie77 17]

Thanks for all the great responses. By reading all these answers and other posts and having hubby look over them too, really makes us learn a lot and we see things from another perspective. There are things here that I would never have thought about. I do feel a bit better about it. The other woman and I have chatted a few times via email, but she never answered any of my queries as to that night, so I'm gonna just chalk it up to "their" problem and leave it at that. I'm still not really sure what went wrong, but I have learned that even though a couple seems all for it and ready to go, that perhaps we just shouldn't jump right into bed until getting to know them better.

[socolais 696]

Blondie77, I want to thank you for posting this story, I think I learned a bit from it that is quite likely to help our future swinging adventures go smoother. As more details came to the surface after my earlier posts, it started to look like yall took all the right precautions - they clearly wanted to play even though they weren't quite as prepared as they thought. It sounds like you did the best you could to get to the root of the problem and your offers were declined. They'll work it out in their own way the same as yall.

 

The best of luck to yall

[ajones1969 15]

You didnt mention as to how much "same sex" was going on other than you and her kissed on a dare.

Reading what you typed, I would assume that there was no male/male play.

 

If that was the case, then I would suggest the small possiblity that her husband is bi and maybe they were hoping your husband was too.

It's possible that the time everyone was in bed may have been a "feeling out" period to see if your husband was going to make any kind of move or comment and since he didnt, then maybe they decided to pack up and go.

 

Kind of a long shot, but thinking back, do you or your husband remember any comments or gestures from the other couple/guy that may have indicated he had an interest in your husband?

You did mention that she repeatedly used the word "orgy" - which really has no clear definition in terms of hetero or same-sex-only activities.

 

Also consider the possibility that one of them may have broken one of their own rules - and that could have caused a nod or wink or dirty look that only they would be aware of.

 

In any case, you may never know what happened, and as most other people have posted, it doesnt sound like you two did anything "wrong". Write it off to weirdness and enjoy life

[sereneiders 263]

Some times you just cannot find out the right explanation. We all like the idea that we're able to control every aspect of the situation as it evolves, but the fact is, it only works if and when everyone involved is in the same page and wanting the same outcome. There are too many things as to be able to control something, so you cannot blame on yourself for the outcome, or for not being able to figure them out beforehand.

 

Getting to know people better isn't a bad idea. Yet, you cannot get to know them enough as to ensure the outcome. This is the sort of things you cannot ask "what if it happens" but that you have to suppose they will happen, and the question then is "when" and how to deal with the outcome.

 

It seems to me you did you best to deal with it, and they were unable to do the same. And I believe this is the only undestandable thing to take into account.

[swyngtyme 16]

OP, can you tell us more abou twhat happened just before the moment when you switched back to your primary partners? What motivated the switch back, who's idea was it, how did it happen?

 

I wonder if there was some misunderstanding around this moment. What if they were still into it, the switch was suggested, and they thought that meant you were uncomfortable or calling ahalt to things?