Married but Single

[MrFantabulous 15]

Hey all,

 

Well, the Singles and Swinging forum seems to be the place for me. I stopped by the intro forum and posted to say hello and see if this site was even the place for me. Everyone was kind enough to direct me over here.

 

Basically, I'm married but have to play as single. My wife and I have recently moved into an open marriage. She has a "friend with benefits" and I am looking for the same. She isn't really interested in swinging as of right now, but is available to validate my story if need be. I am willing to play with couples as well if the vibe I get from them is right.

Anyway, just wanted to drop in here and say "Hey." So far this seems like a very helpful site and a great group of people.

 

If anyone wants to chat, send me a PM, check out my MySpace, or send me an IM on MSN.

 

Thanx all for taking the time to read this. I look forward to meeting some great people here.

[swyngtyme 16]

Wow. That story sounds awfully familiar. My situation is virtually identical.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

why dont ya get a profile on swinglifestyle with your pic on there (of yourself) you can keep the pic private and only give access to thoes ya want to let see it,and the site has a safe guard against photo copying. we might contact you there (but not on myspace). ((to be honest we would have to talk to your wife from there)). we can give you a phone number with no problem if we like your picture. we will both be together on speaker phone, and would like for ya both to be on the other end also.

 

that would kinda cut out any bullshit wouldn't it??? thats how it works!!!

 

swingersboard isn't a hook up site for you to use for hooking up through my space .com(although your site is pretty cool) ... swinglifestyle (is) however, leave your sls link on your profile here so we can check you out...... let us know.

[swyngtyme 16]

I thought I knew just about all of the web sites out there, but I'm wrong. Where do I find swinglifestyle? Just *that*.com?

[TNT 1,155]

swyngtyme said:

I thought I knew just about all of the web sites out there, but I'm wrong. Where do I find swinglifestyle? Just *that*.com?

 

www.swinglifestyle.com

 

There is also a link to it on the front page of the board.

 

Teresa

[slim 15]

I am married and I have injoyed a 3 some with a friend and his wife .I injoy how truned on she was with 2 men . I have talked to my wife and she will not go for it she is afaid of STD .I would like to meet some people who are in the lifestyle just to get to know and talk to see how it can spice up life.

[ShellyM 0]

Aaah, the married gentleman playing alone. Its rough for you, I'll be straight. Personally we do not do this. If we meet and know a couple and they play separately thats one thing, we know the wife and know its okay. However, Jay has asked that I not play with married men playing alone and I agree. We are professionals who have worked hard to get where we are. We just cannot take the chance of having some upset, crying lady showing up in Austin Texas telling my boss all about my business LOL. (Although knowing that freak he'd probably say something like "we are free on Sat."...lol) Seriously, not bueno. I'd lose my job just to save the company the possibility of being embarassed. And I KNOW KNOW KNOW that there are honest hubbies out there like we are. Hey, if a lady is cool Jay knows he has the go ahead to play alone as long as I meet her...but even though I have even sent emails they are not answered...you just can't take the chance. And we don't have the time to investigate on whether you are real or not.

 

SO. You are going to need to network. Get hooked up with a couple. Have fun. They tell their friends who pass on the word, etc.

Best of luck to you!

[xxoticangel 99]

We will only play with a married man if we have the expressed freely given OK from his wife. If she's not willing to meet me and tell me face to face that she's cool with it we won't go there.

[crazycatz 17]

I don't go near attached men even if they have their wives' permission....am just afraid that something will backfire along the way!

 

I do worry though about how you can determine who is genuinely single and who is not....that's why I primarily avoid the party scene.

[OnHArry 23]

We will only play with a married man if we have the expressed freely given OK from his wife. If she's not willing to meet me and tell me face to face that she's cool with it we won't go there.

 

I am in the same situation as the above two gentlemen, my wife has a friend with benefits, and I am seeking the same. I state whenever I contact any couple that seems amenable that my wife uis available to meet them if that is an issue, guess now many favourable reponses I have received, lees than one.

 

I state up front what the situation is, I never pester they say no, (assuming they answer that is) then that is it, I thank them for responding and move on. It is tough and frankly I wonder if it is worth the effort, I guess I shall just have to be a cuckold then.

 

I am in the same general geographical area as Swyngtyme and can attest that in this market we are a tough sell.

[safireblues 106]

I feel like if you're the wife and you're making the guy look on his own, you should still be involved in helping him find his own side action. It's too hard for a single guy, and very difficult for those of us who can't verify.

[OnHArry 23]

I feel like if you're the wife and you're making the guy look on his own, you should still be involved in helping him find his own side action. It's too hard for a single guy, and very difficult for those of us who can't verify.

 

I agre with that and my wife has helped and will meet with anyone who wants verification, but most don't even bother answering. I mean I can't blame them my wife and I met our fair share of idiots and they almost always seemed good at first, until you foind out their wives were unaware of hubby's extracuricular activities.

[rpu3 630]

I am in the same situation as the above two gentlemen, my wife has a friend with benefits, and I am seeking the same. I state whenever I contact any couple that seems amenable that my wife uis available to meet them if that is an issue, guess now many favourable reponses I have received, lees than one.

 

I too am in a friend with benefits situation, and my spouse is free to do the same. I could find all sorts of partners willing to enter such a relationship/arrangement, but my spouse will always have a much harder time. Not that it is impossible.

 

...I guess I shall just have to be a cuckold then.

 

I get what you are saying, but I have to say I'm relieved that my spouse doesn't consider it cuckolding because I do have the easier time entering into FWB arrangements should I choose to do so. He's not forced to remain monogamous nor is there any element of humiliation, etc. (as some forms of cuckolding take). It's just harder for him to find similar arrangments. Maybe I'm not getting the full meaning of cuckolding, but I thought it was a lifestyle where the man remains monogamous to his spouse while she's out and about with other men.

 

I am in the same general geographical area as Swyngtyme and can attest that in this market we are a tough sell.

 

It is a tough sell, and I do feel bad about the inequity of that sell.

 

I feel like if you're the wife and you're making the guy look on his own, you should still be involved in helping him find his own side action. It's too hard for a single guy, and very difficult for those of us who can't verify.

 

I think people should only be involved as those involved see fit and agree to. There shouldn't be any "making" someone do anything in the first place. I'd hope that the wife would WANT to help her spouse/partner out. In our case, I do offer to meet to help him out, and indeed have met with a person my spouse was interested in. With us, it's just more a matter of making sure that third party gets it that we are indeed married, committed and both sides are fully aware of what is going on here. That's our agreement/arrangement.

[Chicup 42]

Man thats gotta suck for most men.

 

I'm the kinda guy women want to marry, but less of the kind that women want to just have a meaningless fling with (interestingly there is science behind this but now isn't the time heh). My wife could find a casual playmate in about an hour, I might take a year to find one I'd be happy with.

 

How do you guys feel about your relationships in this? How did this friends with benefits come about where you are not involved?

 

If my wife insisted on that sort of thing with me I'd be gone.

[avid 134]

Man thats gotta suck for most men.

 

If my wife insisted on that sort of thing with me I'd be gone.

 

Well, it's probably more like what most couples do when they approach the topic of swinging. "Insisting" on something is not how it's done. A discussion takes place, probably dozens of discussions in fact. Speaking for us, NOTHING happened outside of our marriage until both of us were on the same page. I think you do a disservice to those in non-traditional relationships when you make assumptions about "that sort of thing".

[Chicup 42]

Well, it's probably more like what most couples do when they approach the topic of swinging. "Insisting" on something is not how it's done. A discussion takes place, probably dozens of discussions in fact. Speaking for us, NOTHING happened outside of our marriage until both of us were on the same page. I think you do a disservice to those in non-traditional relationships when you make assumptions about "that sort of thing".

 

Hey, when I see guys talking about their wives having a fuckbuddy and they are wondering how to find their own I think something is wrong with that picture.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Chicup said:

Hey, when I see guys talking about their wives having a fuckbuddy and they are wondering how to find their own I think something is wrong with that picture.

 

Yes, I agree Chicup it does have a certain W.T.F ring to it, but like rpu3 states in her post and you in your previous post as well... eliminates the bullshit. But here is our difference.

 

We don't play alone. but while we were looking for a male for mfm play we actually wanted a married or committed male. Someone we could know as a couple and check the status of their relationship. If nothing els, just for safety. We knew they were out there but they aren't as plentiful as one would think. The standards we wanted so far have failed. The first few tries were in fact bullshitters. It wasn't to hard to see past that. Like, uhhhh here I'll let you chat with my wife, here is a picture. OK may we call? Then nothing.

 

You see maybe you or rpu3's husband might work, and actually would probably meet our standards if you found an attraction, and Mrs.fun found an attraction as well... but the o.p. sure sounds iffy. we are not into cuckolding or any humiliation for that matter. we are certainly not looking for a man that needs help finding a sexual playmate.

 

that led us to a few (select) single males. it just seemed more convenient for lack of a better word. Mrs.fun might have an attraction but she wants my opinion of their character as well.

[rpu3 630]

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Man thats gotta suck for most men

 

I think it does suck for men who are in open relationships. I say that far too often, I suspect.

 

 

Quote

I'm the kinda guy women want to marry, but less of the kind that women want to just have a meaningless fling with (interestingly there is science behind this but now isn't the time heh).

 

I'm wondering if my theory is close to your theory. You might as well discuss the science since you are the one with some actual credentials. C'mon, science is fun!

 

In any case, my spouse has enough interest in him personally - but as soon as they figure out that he's not permanently available or not likely to be "cowboy'd" out of our marriage, they are generally gone. Since he doesn't doesn't meet with cheating women, his odds dwindle dramatically.

 

 

Quote

My wife could find a casual playmate in about an hour, I might take a year to find one I'd be happy with.

 

Yep. I could post an ad looking for a casual relationship on any site and have 50 e-mails within a week. My spouse - well, he'd be lucky if he got 2 in a year. And actually, it's taken him about 9 months to meet someone he likes and is okay with this arrangement and that has actually met with me (seems like the working students are interested in FWB arrangements, not relationships because they have no time).

 

 

Quote

How do you guys feel about your relationships in this?

 

My spouse is assuming you are asking about the marital/primary relationship in light of the open relationship... and he says he feels fine about our marital relationship. If anything, it's improved of the realization of how much trust and faith we have in the other. We respect each other's commitments and friends, and our individual quirks and differences viewpoints even more, if that was possible. There is a definite improvement in our communication as a result of swinging (at first) and in our consideration of other alternative forms of sexual expression. Further, it was a first-hand experience of more for one of us doesn't mean less for the other. Since he's not here and we are communicating by e-mail, this probably isn't a great descriptor at all.

 

In any case, I don't have many opportunities to meet up with my friend, and I'd have to think my spouse's schedule isn't much better to meet with his potential friend, so it isn't like this constant juggling of relationships. And at no time does my spouse feel like he HAS to have his own, and that we HAVE to be equal. He gets it that the odds are somewhat against him. I, in return, have offered whatever help I can give. At no point does he put out any guilt trips, or game playing, or call himself a cuckold or whatever just because it's harder for him, and actually, if he never met anyone, he was okay with that. Maybe that's why he's actually possibly met someone, because he wasn't pushing for it - he was patient enough to just let it happen if it was meant to be.

 

 

Quote

How did this friends with benefits come about where you are not involved?

 

In our particular case, it came about with my spouse fully involved. It started as a threesome, and my spouse suggested that playing alone might be fun for me. While it may have started as swinging, it seems we both have always gotten along with this person and I think I could say there's a chance that we could have been friends outside of swinging should life had worked out that way. So it's felt "safe" to try out playing alone, etc. Anyway, I think over time we just relabeled it "friends with benefits" because he is a friend to both and I do have sex with him with or without the spouse present. Since my spouse somewhat engineered it at first by giving "permission", and he's encouraged it otherwise, and he's always been welcome to come along (which he does when he feels like it), I think it's safe to say he's directly involved.

 

As to his potential FWB, that's still evolving and isn't far enough along to say much about. I'm involved only in that I met with the person as discussed in a previous post.

 

It's not like I was/we were looking for this to begin with - it was a progression for both of us. Should my FWB relationship end, I wouldn't necessarily be looking for another one, I'd just be open to considering it should it turn out that way. Nor am I out there actively looking to add to the FWB collection, either. Finally, we are still open to swinging together, should we actually meet with others in which all four click (which feels like the holy grail of swinging, actually).

 

 

Quote

If my wife insisted on that sort of thing with me I'd be gone.

 

I'd hope a most people in open relationships would say the same thing. It's never been insistence, demands or pushing that has caused our move to open marriage, or swinging for that matter. I've never insisted on it one iota. I've never insisted he find a new partner or that insisted he not have alternative partners, and he's never done that to me.

 

It only works because we are on the same page as to our viewpoints on monogamy/nonmonogamy, sex and relationships. It's been an evolution in which we've helped the other out in figuring out what we want and don't want.

 

Insisting on such a major lifestyle choice would just scream "big trouble" that one would have to evaluate what was going on, and I agree with you, if that were the case, being "gone" might have to be a resolution.

 

I hope others in similar arrangements chime in.

[Chicup 42]

fun4Ds said:

we don't play alone. but while we were looking for a male for mfm play we actually wanted a married or committed male. someone we could know as a couple and check the status of their relationship. if nothing els, just for safety. we knew they were out there but they aren't as plentiful as one would think. the standards we wanted so far have failed. the first few tries were in fact bullshitters. it wasn't to hard to see past that.like, uhhhh here ill let you chat with my wife here is a picture. OK may we call? then nothing.

 

Oddly I am that male for a couple, but its a couple we played with as a couple many times and really got to know personally. Even if my wife isn't with me, it is with her full blessing, but we took a long time to reach that comfort level and it would only be with them. They are close enough to us that its not me doing 'my thing' and instead still part of the together thing.

 

 

rpu3 said:

I'm wondering if my theory is close to your theory. You might as well discuss the science since you are the one with some actual credentials. C'mon, science is fun!

 

I'm not unattractive, I'm fit, sane, stable, confident, work hard all that fine stuff, but I'm no pretty boy. I wouldn't look good in a dress, look at 90% of the 'hot males' who aren't always on TV and you will discover with a bit of makeup they would look good in a dress. Nor am I somehow 'unique' where you get the rare male effect. I'd turn no heads entering a bar. People who study animal and human behavior have found that women will have affairs or short term sexual relationships with the pretty ones but marry guys like me. Lots of potential theories on this, one is that women instinctively know that very attractive males are more likely to have an affair, in animals its been shown that the most physically desirable males less attentive they are to their own children.

 

Either way, my problem wouldn't be finding a girl friend, even a very desirable one, my problem would be when I said I'm married and am looking for a girl friend.

 

Quote

In any case, my spouse has enough interest in him personally - but as soon as they figure out that he's not permanently available or not likely to be "cowboy'd" out of our marriage, they are generally gone. Since he doesn't doesn't meet with cheating women, his odds dwindle dramatically.

 

Yep pretty much where I'd be, so it looks like we are on the same page.

 

 

Quote

Yep. I could post an ad looking for a casual relationship on any site and have 50 e-mails within a week. My spouse - well, he'd be lucky if he got 2 in a year. And actually, it's taken him about 9 months to meet someone he likes and is okay with this arrangement and that has actually met with me (seems like the working students are interested in FWB arrangements, not relationships because they have no time).

 

Yes and I'm sure if I put a lot of effort into it I could find someone, but the nature of women over that of men would be that I'd still be pretty worried she would fall for me even if it was only a FB. I've seen this happen with swingers looking for single females quite often. A woman without a primary relationship is different than a male in their thinking.

 

Quote

My spouse is assuming you are asking about the marital/primary relationship in light of the open relationship... and he says he feels fine about our marital relationship. If anything, it's improved of the realization of how much trust and faith we have in the other. We respect each other's commitments and friends, and our individual quirks and differences viewpoints even more, if that was possible. There is a definite improvement in our communication as a result of swinging (at first) and in our consideration of other alternative forms of sexual expression. Further, it was a first-hand experience of more for one of us doesn't mean less for the other. Since he's not here and we are communicating by e-mail, this probably isn't a great descriptor at all.

 

In any case, I don't have many opportunities to meet up with my friend, and I'd have to think my spouse's schedule isn't much better to meet with his potential friend, so it isn't like this constant juggling of relationships. And at no time does my spouse feel like he HAS to have his own, and that we HAVE to be equal. He gets it that the odds are somewhat against him. I, in return, have offered whatever help I can give. At no point does he put out any guilt trips, or game playing, or call himself a cuckold or whatever just because it's harder for him, and actually, if he never met anyone, he was okay with that. Maybe that's why he's actually possibly met someone, because he wasn't pushing for it - he was patient enough to just let it happen if it was meant to be.

 

In our particular case, it came about with my spouse fully involved. It started as a threesome, and my spouse suggested that playing alone might be fun for me. While it may have started as swinging, it seems we both have always gotten along with this person and I think I could say there's a chance that we could have been friends outside of swinging should life had worked out that way. So it's felt "safe" to try out playing alone, etc. Anyway, I think over time we just relabeled it "friends with benefits" because he is a friend to both and I do have sex with him with or without the spouse present. Since my spouse somewhat engineered it at first by giving "permission", and he's encouraged it otherwise, and he's always been welcome to come along (which he does when he feels like it), I think it's safe to say he's directly involved.

 

As to his potential FWB, that's still evolving and isn't far enough along to say much about. I'm involved only in that I met with the person as discussed in a previous post.

 

It's not like I was/we were looking for this to begin with - it was a progression for both of us. Should my FWB relationship end, I wouldn't necessarily be looking for another one, I'd just be open to considering it should it turn out that way. Nor am I out there actively looking to add to the FWB collection, either. Finally, we are still open to swinging together, should we actually meet with others in which all four click (which feels like the holy grail of swinging, actually).

 

I'd hope a most people in open relationships would say the same thing. It's never been insistence, demands or pushing that has caused our move to open marriage, or swinging for that matter. I've never insisted on it one iota. I've never insisted he find a new partner or that insisted he not have alternative partners, and he's never done that to me.

 

It only works because we are on the same page as to our viewpoints on monogamy/nonmonogamy, sex and relationships. It's been an evolution in which we've helped the other out in figuring out what we want and don't want.

 

Insisting on such a major lifestyle choice would just scream "big trouble" that one would have to evaluate what was going on, and I agree with you, if that were the case, being "gone" might have to be a resolution.

 

I hope others in similar arrangements chime in.

 

What I get concerned for is when the 'together' aspect is gone and its no longer a shared experience. Only time will tell for you

[rpu3 630]

What I get concerned for is when the 'together' aspect is gone and its no longer a shared experience. Only time will tell for you

 

Well, that's why I don't consider our open marriage aspect "swinging", but only alternative. We just also happen to swing, as well.

 

I don't know how to explain it well enough without getting jumped all over because while we share in the talking and life sense, our arrangement isn't necessarily a shared together only experience like many in the group seek with their swinging. Even if I explained myself well, I don't expect the majority of this group to understand or condone it, since it's not swinging. I don't expect any more "getting it" for this part any more than I expect others to understand or accept our childfree by choice stance or our other various lifestyle choices that don't fit the norm. This is just our arrangement. It works for us, and we have our own form of together and shared. Time, concern for each other and our relationship, and regular check ups thus far have told us it's working for us for the time being. If it begins to not work for us for some reason, then we'll back away from the alternative. This stinks as any sort of sensical response, so I think I'll give it up.

 

In any case, thanks for a bit of your theorization earlier in your response. Theory and scientific evidence rocks.

[Chicup 42]

rpu3 said:

In any case, thanks for a bit of your theorization earlier in your response.

 

I showed you mine, now you show me yours

[rpu3 630]

I showed you mine, now you show me yours

 

Well, you may be disappointed...

 

It's not really the same as your theory, it just ties is a bit. I just think there's bio/psych/scientific support as to why men like you are highly desired as mates. While humans, like most mammals, are not monogamous by nature, women in various cultures/societies are more inclined to be monogamous than their male counterpart. Seems easy enough to explain from a biological point of view - it's in the woman's best interest to hook up with the few males that have a) best genes and b) the best resources to care for the woman and their offspring.

 

Men with multiple wives are acceptable in various cultures/society, and to women in those societies, because it's still in their own & their offspring's best interest to do so. It's better to share the man with more resources with another woman than it is to hang with the poorer man.

 

I don't think women are programmed very well either through evolution or biology, or through societal expectations, to have meaningless flings. Women are, IMO, programmed to find suitable men to support them and their children, and that doesn't even account for the moral indoctrination that's come along with the Judeo-Christian monogamy stance.

 

So, that's the cheap and easy theory I support as to why men like you are desired in the vanilla world, and why some women still might be interested in trying to "cowboying" men like you off, but not so much for a fun fling. If they have no chance of roping you for themselves, it's not worth the effort, and flings are not really a biological imperative for women, I guess. It's a "you are good stock" theory, even if it has a gazillion holes or is pure b.s. at this point.

 

I have no idea what my genetic coding defect is since I don't want children, didn't need to get married, nor do I have any strong allegiance or draw to monogamy nor do I "need" to have other sexual relationships, either, blah blah blah.

 

Wow, back to topic - didn't notice this thread was started back in August. You remember what the original point or question was?

[ShellyM 0]

People who study animal and human behavior have found that women will have affairs or short term sexual relationships with the pretty ones but marry guys like me. Lots of potential theories on this, one is that women instinctively know that very attractive males are more likely to have an affair, in animals its been shown that the most physically desirable males less attentive they are to their own children.

 

You know, this is the damndest thing; my friend and I have been trying to figure this out for months. Actually, it started out the opposite way. She is single and in the vicious dating cycle. She is convinced that men want to date the "bad girl"....girls like us I think. Sexually uninhibited, independent...etc. They want to FUCK this girl. However, when looking for a wife they want the "good girl"....but then once they are married they are quickly bored with the good girl, or she 'de-freaks' as the men have told me and they want the bad girl! LOL! Same with the guys, we call that the "bad boy" factor. You are right lol. The "husband" type is seen as boring. Its the guy that rides up in leather on the Harley that a woman double looks at. LOL. But she wants to marry the good boy. I don't know. WOW. LOL.

[OnHArry 23]

Chicup said:

Man that's gotta suck for most men.

 

I'm the kinda guy women want to marry, but less of the kind that women want to just have a meaningless fling with (interestingly there is science behind this but now isn't the time heh). My wife could find a casual playmate in about an hour, I might take a year to find one I'd be happy with.

 

How do you guys feel about your relationships in this? How did this friends with benefits come about where you are not involved?

 

If my wife insisted on that sort of thing with me I'd be gone.

 

We started as swingers but as someone else said above due to a couple of bad experiences she wants to limit her contacts, and I have no issue with that. The guy she sees, i.e. her FWB had to be vetted first, and once we were both comfortable, with him then it proceeded, she meets him on occasion and has her fun etc.

 

It is so true though she could find another guy in probably less than a week, or even weekend, whereas I will take much longer if at all. I guess cuckold was a bad choice of words, rather I would say I am resigned to the situation and the mathematical reality of it.

 

My wife does not insist on it but I doubt she would want to break it off either, and I have no problem with it anyway so that point is moot.

 

I will keep looking at SLS who knows maybe someone will turn up.

[ShellyM 0]

My wife does not insist on it but I doubt she would want to break it off either, and I have no problem with it anyway so that point is moot.

 

I will keep looking at SLS who knows maybe someoen will turn up.

 

May I ask why it takes you so long, or why its so hard to find playmates? I'm just asking to try and understand. I'm not judging, I'm the same way. In truth Jay is alot more successful numbers wise than I am. He loves women. I mean he loves thin women, curvy women, bbw women lol. He is a fan of the female. Jay truly can find beauty in any woman. Me, I'm much more picky and particular in men. Not that I want a certain demographic of man, but I admittedly am a whole lot more picky; this is why usually I give the final go ahead on couples we play with. And I'm not talking only looks. I don't know, its hard to explain. I just am attracted to who I'm attracted to and not to whom I'm not. I am thinking you are the same way. This can be a big liability in swinging though. I have had to open myself up alot. When we first started swinging I went by looks alone in truth. Now I look at a number of factors, looks only being one among intelligence, sense of humor, chemistry, etc. Perhaps you need to "open up" a little bit. Remember, you aren't looking for Ms. Perfect. You married her. You have your mrs. right. You are looking for a lady that you can enjoy a few hours with and then have fun with your wife. Anyways, I just wanted to interject that because you sound alot like I was when we started out.

[SocalMaleCuriou 15]

I think a lot of people make assumptions about a married male who is playing. That is my situation.. my wife and I used to play with other couples but now she confesses swinging is not for her. She says it's ok if I play with other couples as long as they are stable and 'normal' (no single females). I'm not looking for a relationship only a genuine, relaxed time with a cool, intimate couple.

 

..though I know people will shy away of a single male. (no matter how normal or attractive I may be) ; )

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

OnHArry said:

. . . my wife has a friend with benefits . . .

Hmmm. Used in the context of your message, I am beginning to wonder if friend with benefits carries a more specific meaning than I had previously suspected. Does this phrase always carry an implication of meeting a person one-on-one (spouse not present)? I have always interpreted this as meaning simply, "a person who is a friend but with whom you are able to share and extra benefit -- sex."

[rpu3 630]

Does this phrase always carry an implication of meeting a person one-on-one (spouse not present)?

 

I don't think so. Maybe some use it that way, but I doubt that definition is universal. I could meet a person by myself, and yet not consider that person a friend. I don't use the word "friend" loosely.

 

I have always interpreted this as meaning simply, "a person who is a friend but with whom you are able to share and extra benefit -- sex."

 

That's the definition I prefer for myself for my particular circumstance at the moment. A friend, with a side of hot sex. Thus, a benefit for me, anyway. So, friend w/benefit for me.

[OnHArry 23]

Actually Shelly I am much like your hubby, there are very very few women who I would turn away, I see beauty in mnay that others doubtless would not. The truth is in this geographic area, unless you are close to a certain clique' then you are an outsider. Most of the couples we know only swing together, and in fact many around here do just that.

 

I wonder if maybe there is ahigher proportio of a**holes around here that basically spoils it for others. As I mentioned in a previous post we as acouple were burned by a couple of guys who totally misrepresented themselves.

 

The only stipulation I make in the ad is that we and I will not consider knowingly a cheating spouse, maybe that puts people off I don't know. At any rate I will continmue my search for not so much Mrs. Right but rather Mrs. okay.

 

In this context by the way the friend with benefits is a person she meets has dinner with, and followed by sex. She stays overnight when I am on weird shifts and always with my full knowledge and consent. She sees only this guy not a host of guys.

 

Looked at your ad Shelly you look like a fun couple.

[ShellyM 0]

I think a lot of people make assumptions about a married male who is playing. That is my situation.. my wife and I used to play with other couples but now she confesses swinging is not for her. She says it's ok if I play with other couples as long as they are stable and 'normal' (no single females). I'm not looking for a relationship only a genuine, relaxed time with a cool, intimate couple.

 

..though I know people will shy away of a single male. (no matter how normal or attractive I may be) ; )

 

Do any of your friends know that you are playing and your wife is cool?

You may do better because y'all know people in the swinging community and they KNOW your wife. I think that people you don't know will shy away, yes. But if any of your established friends in the lifestyle are into MFMs go for it!

[ShellyM 0]

Actually Shelly I am much like your hubby, there are very very few women who I would turn away, I see beauty in mnay that others doubtless would not. The truth is in this geographic area, unless you are close to a certain clique' then you are an outsider. Most of the couples we know only swing together, and in fact many around here do just that.

 

I wonder if maybe there is ahigher proportio of a**holes around here that basically spoils it for others. As I mentioned in a previous post we as acouple were burned by a couple of guys who totally misrepresented themselves.

 

The only stipulation I make in the ad is that we and I will not consider knowingly a cheating spouse, maybe that puts people off I don't know. At any rate I will continmue my search for not so much Mrs. Right but rather Mrs. okay.

 

In this context by the way the friend with benefits is a person she meets has dinner with, and followed by sex. She stays overnight when I am on weird shifts and always with my full knowledge and consent. She sees only this guy not a host of guys.

 

Looked at your ad Shelly you look like a fun couple.

 

Thank you! I appreciate that; we do try and have fun lol. Hmmm. Well, I know that the swingers in Austin are much more "cliquish" at the clubs than in San Antonio. I don't know why but they are. What you need to do I think is go to the club a few times and let them see you as a regular. I know with us, we got in with the owner and manager at our fave club in Austin, met some people and have great friends there. San Antonio is more "down home" than Austin is we have found. We can go to Players in SA and meet people at the bar and be laughing like we have known each other for years. I guess you are right, its just the area. They aren't better in SA than Austin, just different. Once they see you and you are a regular you will start making friends and will do great. Just be patient and have fun either way!! Best of luck to you.