separate rooms vs. "alone"

[willyoats 324]

I was just reminded that there is a difference between swinging separately, i.e., with you and your SO in different rooms, and swinging alone, i.e., without your SO involved at all (maybe not even in the same country, as will happen with me next week). I wonder what other people's experiences have been regarding this difference. We have done both and liked both.

[Semod 15]

We tried it, I liked it, she didn't. Now it's not allowed.

 

We both had the opportunity to play alone on different occasions. She met with a gentleman that we had played with as couples at a hotel. His wife and I knew about it and were OK with it. Although she enjoyed the sex, she didn't like the feeling of being with someone else in a hotel. Then his wife and I both happened to have an afternoon off, so we met. Everybody knew about it. We had a great time. That evening, I found out that even though she knew about it, she wasn't happy about it. So from that point on, there will be no more playing alone. Saying that, even if she doesn't want me playing alone, she is free to do so if she ever feels she'd like to. It's OK with me.

[Spoomonkey 421]

So far we have only done the "alone" part.

 

Mrs Spoo has played alone a couple of times - once with a couple, once with a single. She really didn't enjoy it honestly.

 

I get a thrill out of it personally - and really am not that interested in playing alone. When she does it, though, it is amazingly hot! With the single, I left them alone and went to the movies. Talk about a LONG ass movie!

 

She has talked recently about playing alone with couples again. I think that is about as far as she would go. We are developing friendships where - whether they want that or not - she has said that she is comfortable enough to do that. It isn't something we look for - but what it says about her comfort level is great!

 

Spoomonkey

[oddcouple 17]

Hey Spoomonkey,

 

I hope the hell is wasn't "Out of Africa" that you were watching.

Whew! That would be an eternity.

[rpu3 630]

With the single, I left them alone and went to the movies. Talk about a LONG ass movie!

 

Or the Godfather Saga, Patton, Gone with Wind, etc.

 

I wonder what other people's experiences have been regarding this difference.

 

We play together and we play separately. We've enjoyed both. The separate play/separate rooms/play together all work for us.

[ShellyM 0]

We enjoy playing in separate rooms with the right couples. We have not played alone to date. I almost did, but decided against it because it felt too much like dating even though Jay knew about everything and had given his consent. Just didn't feel right. If we were to find the right couple we would have no problem with the idea of perhaps spending time alone...but not with singles or couples we do not know very well. But you know, to each their own!

Shelly

[wetpanties 5]

Never alone - swinging is something we want to do together. We tried seperate rooms with a couple that we are very comfortable with and have been with several times. It was fun for both of us but we decided that seperate rooms is for special times with special people and not the norm.

[socolais 696]

This is something I've been thinking about. I have an opportunity comming up (and permission), to play alone at a local house party where we already know some of the participants and while she's out of town. We know it's going to be fun when she gets back home whether I actually engage in play or not.

 

It's so comforting to have this level of trust between us.

[GoNatural 104]

I'm single, but I would dearly like to be in a LTR with a woman that was open to playing alone with others herself. As for me, I'd enjoy it, but could do without it if I had to in a relationship.

 

As for meeting with a wife alone with her husband's permission, I'd enjoy it big time because I think that it is more adventerous and kinky. I've been watched and filmed before, so it is in no way an effort to avoid her hubby. I get turned on by it, because I would like to have a wife that would do the same.

[WesternSwing 504]

Mrs. WS and I love playing together, but there are times when playing alone has it's benefits. Both Mrs. WS and I are such voyeurs (especially me) that we get distracted easily watching the other (especially me) and don't pay as much attention to our play partner as maybe we should. Playing in separate rooms or alone allows us to be totally in the moment with our play partner without any of the other distractions going on.

 

The downside? Well, I really like the idea of knowing Mrs. WS is out on a date with another guy and having a good time, both socially and sexually. It is a huge turn-on and we screw for hours when she gets home.

 

She, on the other hand loves for me to have a great time by myself with a girlfriend, but it's not as sexually exciting for her as it is for me.

 

One of the big differences between us is that I am okay with her actually going on a 'date' with another guy - dinner, movie, sex - while I stay home and watch the kids and do my thing. She prefers I keep my sexytime during the day when she is at work and it's not time away from her. I also prefer just the sex part and really don't feel the need to 'date' anyone besides her... well maybe with one exception (and you know who you are) and we haven't had much 'date'-time yet. And Mrs. WS is totally okay with me 'dating' this person.

 

Mr. WS

[Lovethenights 35]

Despite our scant experiences, and despite how odd it may sound, I know the night my wife spent with another man off alone at our lake house was one of the most erotic nights I have had. I had my head overloaded with fantasies and imaginings of what was happening at each moment... how he was touching her... how she was responding... what part of her he was touching... what her hands were doing... I drove down the next morning and the hour's drive felt like three days. Seeing the bed they slept in together, her still asleep and his side all rumpled and messed up, turned me on terribly. She knows that she always has my permission for separate activities as long as she's open to sharing what went on and not hiding that she wants to be with someone. She's given me permission to do somewhat the same, though I have felt her permission a bit half-hearted and not taken her up on it. (yet) She hasn't pursued going it alone much at all, despite having my encouragement, my blessing and permission, saying she prefers being with me... (go figure!) Since I am aware that imagination can be even more intense than reality, I would never restrict her access to any man she wanted, even if she were going to have him all alone and all to herself. Nothing to me is as sexy and erotic as my wife in the throes of passion.

[rpu3 630]

Nice to hear about all the others in similar arrangements!

 

She hasn't pursued going it alone much at all, despite having my encouragement, my blessing and permission, saying she prefers being with me... (go figure!)

 

We are in a similar arrangement, and my spouse certainly is open to me playing alone, and certainly encourages me to pursue it more often. However, life being what it is, even with the encouragement it's a matter of meeting regular life obligations and being happy and engaged in my marriage, and the rest - family and friends (vanilla and alternative) - are then worked in. That's why it's not a frequent pursuit for me despite the spouse's encouragement.

 

Further, the one person I do see alone is not in this immediate area and I'm not much of a stalker or a demanding person to make that solo activity with that a far more frequent activity - it would probably the single friend off if I tried to get together more often, actually! Nor am I interested in finding local single play dates. Just the thought of vetting potential single play partners tires me so I'm just not interested in pursuing more of the same right now.

 

I'd rather focus my efforts on our joint activities (regular life and alternative life), and maintaining our current friendships. If we run into a new potential play alone situation, well, we'll talk about it then, but I'm not looking.

 

It's good to know my spouse is open to whatever I thought worked for me. That trust and agreement means everything. Sounds like your wife feels the same, even if she doesn't take you up on it that often.

[bethncole 49]

The only difference is that you're doing it at the same time and within a relatively close proximity. Emotionally those are pretty similiar.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

"Swing alone" is an oxymoron. Married couples who trade partners is part of the definition of swinging. Going to a party as a single was offered to me. I thanked my wife for her thoughtfulness then politely declined. We have spoken of the possibilities several times -- there are guys who have flattered her by asking if she ever does it alone -- but we have decided that it is too slippery a slope.

[ShellyM 0]

SW, I know alot of couples that swing "alone", and I would call it more of an open marriage situation. In my mind the difference between swinging alone and open marriage is the fact that a couple that swings alone still shares everything with each other. The hubby knows who and where the wife is playing with and vice versa....where in an open marriage they do their own thing sexually and kind of meet in the middle in regards to their family life. Jay and I are absolutely hesitant in taking this step and have not done so to date. We have just seen couples that did this and ended up more like 2 separate people than 1 united couple....and once you have opened up Pandora's box its really hard to close it back up.

Shelly

[des1re06 200]

My experience being with a husband "alone" when his wife was home sick worked out fine, but we knew the couple very well prior to this party. He came to a house party without her, and he and I played in a room that hubby wasn't in. Mr. D got the details later.

 

At a different party, we met a man who told us he had an open marriage situation with his wife. We weren't comfortable with that situation because we didn't know her at all. So, it wasn't pursued. Just not our thing.

 

Mrs. D

[rpu3 630]

SW, I know alot of couples that swing "alone", and I would call it more of an open marriage situation. In my mind the difference between swinging alone and open marriage is the fact that a couple that swings alone still shares everything with each other. The hubby knows who and where the wife is playing with and vice versa....where in an open marriage they do their own thing sexually and kind of meet in the middle in regards to their family life.

 

As one that could feasibly label herself (if I must come up with a label) as in an open marriage AND who swings as a part of my alternative sex life, I'd be hesitant to even try to define either. There are just too many variations of both open marriage and swinging to pin it down. It's just easier for me to say that it is feasible to swing alone and that it doesn't necessarily make it an open marriage. But that's said knowing that yes, a few might be in the open marriage category.

 

I, in this open marriage, might meet with a FWB OR I may swing alone with another swinging couple or we both may swing together. But, even if I weren't in an open marriage arrangement, I could feasibly still be swinging alone - I might be going to be part of a threesome with another couple.

 

Jay and I are absolutely hesitant in taking this step and have not done so to date. We have just seen couples that did this and ended up more like 2 separate people than 1 united couple....and once you have opened up Pandora's box its really hard to close it back up.

Shelly

 

And that's fair and right to be hesitant. This world sure doesn't need any more f'd up relationships and drama because people run willy-nilly into such territory without truly knowing themselves or their own relationship.

 

We (spouse and I) are in a open relationship AND have the ability to swing alone because ultimately my spouse and I are individuals first and foremost. We aren't two souls in one, etc. We are a committed couple, but that's not the end all be all of our existance. It's a 1 + 1= 2 consideration, not a 1 + 1 = 1 arrangement.

 

We just try to be upfront about that, as that style may not make us a comfortable or compatible couple to play with for others. We've found all the available styles of alternative play to be enjoyable, be it swinging alone, doing the FWB as seperate individuals or swinging together.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

ShennyM, rpu3, des1re06, all. It is a matter how how we define the word. But from my profession (adult education and writing training manuals), I know there can be a lot of power and implication in just one word. I like "playing alone". It says it all and very accurately. But of you are out having a male-female-male encounter while your wife is at home watching HBO, I'm sorry, you are not swinging.

[GoNatural 104]

SW, I know alot of couples that swing "alone", and I would call it more of an open marriage situation. In my mind the difference between swinging alone and open marriage is the fact that a couple that swings alone still shares everything with each other. The hubby knows who and where the wife is playing with and vice versa....where in an open marriage they do their own thing sexually and kind of meet in the middle in regards to their family life. Jay and I are absolutely hesitant in taking this step and have not done so to date. We have just seen couples that did this and ended up more like 2 separate people than 1 united couple....and once you have opened up Pandora's box its really hard to close it back up.

Shelly

 

I must say, very interesting post. I am in favor of open relationships combined with swinging, but I like hearing opinions.

[lovinher 505]

IMO, separate rooms is playing alone.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I would like to be able to go off with a guy on my own. I think that I would get into it more. We are newbies and that is why I (the female half) feel like that would be exciting, but as my fiance says, for safety reason he would like to be there. I'm cool with that because you do have some jerks out there, especially single guys that thinks that a women who swings is a whorish woman and may try to take advantage of this privilege.

[lovinher 505]

We all have a different take on things and it would be very boring if everybody agreed on everything.

 

You wouldn't actually be alone now would you.

So I guess your right. There would still be somebody there with you.

 

Just messin with ya.

[deeptouch 21]

Late getting here to add, but our solo/alone time has worked great and like so many other hubbies, I love the after sex and knowing Molly has been into heavy sex ... she turns out much hotter and it makes me love her more.

 

Often its with a couple that we swing with who lives 90 miles away. The hubby will visit our home while I'm at work, they have all kinds of sex as long as they like, it makes Molly hot and when I get home and she tells me, it lasts for a week.

 

I do the same when I visit thier town. I enjoy being alone with his wife and she with me. Sometimes when I'm there she will phone him and tell him what we're doing.

 

We all like it, enjoy it and its been going on for years, it never gets stale.

[MrkLin 393]

We have tried both as well, and we’re fine with both. I work swing shift (ironic, ain’t it) so as a consequence I leave the house at 3pm, and don’t get home until about 1:30 or 2am. That doesn’t give us a lot of time together during the week, as Lin has to be at work at 7am. About 4 years ago, she had a regular Wednesday evening meeting with one of her playmates, with my complete prior knowledge and consent, and it always made her that much hornier after she had been with him. I’d get home that night, and she’d be lying awake, waiting for me. The sex we had after one of their get-togethers was always spectacular. He eventually met a very vanilla woman that he started getting serious with, and they stopped getting together.

 

I played with a single female here and there while Lin was at work, with her prior knowledge and consent, and while it didn’t turn her on the way I had been turned on after one of her meetings, we both had some damned good sex later that night.

 

I also spent an afternoon with one of our dearest lifestyle friends just before she moved out of state. He had moved two months beforehand to get them a new house, and she had to stay behind to finish her job commitment. He basically called me and practically begged me to ‘go take care of her.’ Lin thought the whole situation was funny, and actually came with me that day. I took the other woman upstairs, at Lin’s request, and we had a great time. Of course Lin heard us upstairs, and was quite excited by the time we came downstairs. (She’s not bi at all, and didn’t want to join in.) She practically tore my clothes off when we got home, and we never made it into the bedroom.

 

While we don’t go out looking for separate play situations, we both know that we’re free to do so within certain rules and guidelines.

 

1.) We don’t take time away from one another. Any separate playing must be arranged for a time when one of us is out of town, at work, school, or something similar. (That afternoon with our dear friend has been our only exception to this rule, and that was after much discussion about this rule.)

 

2.) The other person must be well known and well liked by both of us.

 

3.) We must talk it over beforehand. No spur-of-the-moment, “Oh, I saw so-and-so about an hour ago, and he/she wants me to come over to play – I'm heading to his/her place now…”

 

4.) If either of us is uncomfortable with the situation or person, the answer is no.

 

Separate play isn’t for everyone, and we rarely bring it up with our lifestyle friends. On the rare occasions that we have brought it up, we’ve been pleasantly surprised to hear both members of the couple in question were ok with it, because it was us – they might not be as open to the idea with other people. They know that we’re 100% trustworthy, and we’re not trying to split up the couple, or trying to exclude anyone.

 

The occasion I’m talking about is in trying to arrange a group of guys for Lin. Of the lifestyle couples we know and consider friends, Lin would like to get 5 or 6 of the males together for her birthday. Put in that context, so far everyone’s fine with it. Some of the ladies in our circle of friends now want to have the same for their birthday. The hard part is the scheduling. You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult to get 6 guys together to get laid, but give it a shot and see how tough it can be…

[lustylearning 705]

While we don’t go out looking for separate play situations, we both know that we’re free to do so within certain rules and guidelines.

 

1.) We don’t take time away from one another...

 

2.) The other person must be well known and well liked by both of us.

 

3.) We must talk it over beforehand. No spur-of-the-moment, “Oh, I saw so-and-so about an hour ago, and he/she wants me to come over to play – I'm heading to his/her place now…”

 

4.) If either of us is uncomfortable with the situation or person, the answer is no.

 

Separate play isn’t for everyone, and we rarely bring it up with our lifestyle friends. On the rare occasions that we have brought it up, we’ve been pleasantly surprised to hear both members of the couple in question were ok with it, because it was us – they might not be as open to the idea with other people. They know that we’re 100% trustworthy, and we’re not trying to split up the couple, or trying to exclude anyone.

 

When we branched out into "playing alone," we found ourselves working within these same parameters. So far, it has been nothing but positive.

[creamylips 16]

We play alone quite a bit. It tends to be our fave. We just make sure to have the video cam ready, as either way, it's a huge turn on to watch my hubby play with another lady.And he likes to watch my alone play also.So, we always make sure to give each other the courtsey of a video or live cam show. And, sometimes when he is alone with another lady he lets himself really get into the moment-that is what I really enjoy about it. Seeing him so fully pleased and satisfied. But keep in mind you must be very confident in your relationship. There is no room for jealosy when you let your partner have alone play.

[deeptouch 21]

Creamy & Friend ..... you are sooo honest and solid. What a partner for life to find a couple like you two who's goal is both ways. Whats good for you is good with him and vice versa.

 

I have had two fuck buddies like that (who both went off, married and moved) but have never been able to get that clarity with my wife. Oh she plays, but she always has a concern.

 

I admire your openness .... it's awfully sexy too.

[creamylips 16]

deep, thank you!, maybe in time your wife will come around. She just may need some extra re-assurance from you. There are also a lot of books that have been written on the subject. Once she understands that you only love her, but still capable of having playtime with other ladies, it will be easier for her.

I find your frankness quite sexy too!