Performance Anxiety ruining our fun

[funguy500 15]

Hello. I know this topic has been covered in previous posts but I wanted to get a fresh perspective.

 

My wife and I have been swinging for about 2 years now. We have had more bad experiences than good mostly because of my performance anxiety which leads to my inability to get an erection. We feel this problem must be psychological because I getting harder than Chinese arithmetic for my wife and have never had any problems like this. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, I'm turned on by the situation but it just doesn't happen down there. I've even had orgasms without getting an erection. LOL. I don't even know that was possible until last weekend.

 

Anyways, we have only had three experiences with couples in our two years and most have been soft swing. Here is a brief description of each:

 

1) Our first time. We jumped into it really quickly. Met a couple on new years eve, drank alcohol (not really drunk but not sober either), and went back to their place. I was so tense and nervous because the couple were kinda pushy. Anyways, we where only gonna do same room sex but I couldn't even do that. Nothing. No erection and to be honest, not really turned on by the other couple in the least, my wife nor me.

 

2) Our second time was lot better. The couple was nicer. Met them for drinks first, then two weeks later got together with them at their house. Had one drink, a little food, hung out, played a game to get things going, and went up to their bedroom. At first, it didn't happen for me. The women was really cool about it. We watched my wife and her husband for awhile, and boom, it happened, it was the hardest I've ever had before, but it was definitely workable...lol. We ended up soft swapping with them and had a great time.

 

3) Our most recent experience was last weekend after a swing party. We had made plans to meet a couple we had met before at a previous party. We met them there, hung out and drank a little too much but not drunk. When we had met the couple previously, it was just for drinks. My wife and I always make it a point to talk about what we are all into at the first meetings with people but we never did with them. So, we didn't know if they were soft or full swap. Anyways, they seemed like really nice people and we had fun at the party with them. We all decided to go back to the room. The girls started things off. It was weird cause the guy was kinda like not even paying any attention to the women getting it on in front of him. He was more interested in eating potato chips in the room. This made me feel weird about sitting on the bed playing with the girls so I stopped. After things where done with the girls, we undressed and again, nothing happened for me and the other guy was rock hard right away. I thought maybe watching my wife again with another guy would turn me on like it did in the second experience we had, but it didn't help. The girl I was with seemed very put off. I could so tell with the expression on her face. I gave her oral and she seemed to enjoy it. The guys wasn't having any problems and asked if my wife could try full swap and I said yes. What was I gonna say? I felt pressured. They fucked for like 10 minutes and I sat there with the girl trying to get hard but it didn't happen

 

I just wanna know how I can get over this anxiety issue and be able to get hard with other women and in a group environment. I really don't think the drinking part is the biggest issue because I've drank myself silly many times and still got hard for my wife before we were in the lifestyle. Although, I don't think drinking helped the situation either. I'd love to hear some stories from couples that have overcome this issue. I NEED ADVICE! I wanna have fun too...lol

[Lovethenights 35]

First, be completely aware that performance problems are NOT rare in the lifestyle, even extending down into the twenty-something range. So you're not alone.

Secondly, the use of alcohol is warned about simply because it has a profound effect on the erectile mechanism. Even though it may loosen up the frontal lobes and help you get past any inhibitions or moral proscriptions about the act, while it's doing that, it's dilating the very arteries and veins you need to close tightly to achieve and then maintain an erection. Moreover, it's pushing your body to destroy the erection causing chemistry you've worked hard to generate during the foreplay period. Find another beverage for the evening you anticipate any lifestyle playing.

Thirdly, profoundly powerful psychological influences may be lingering and lurking right below your conscious horizon that are inhibiting your erectile performance. The good news is that it is usually unnecessary for you to go through the years of counseling or psychotherapy it'd take to dislodge those unfortunate notions. Assuming all else is normal with your health, you may be the perfect candidate for one of the erectile support drugs like Viagra or Cialis. They are typically well-tolerated, very effective, and could give you the kind of erections even your wife has only dreamed of. They would require a doctor's prescription, but trust me, they are worth the expense and the effort. They are huge confidence builders, as well.

Additionally, you and your wife might try hooking up at clubs, where you are not put under such immediate and direct pressure as does a first meeting at another couple's house. You sound like your first three experiences weren't all that different from what lots of folks in the lifestyle experienced early and from time to time. What does come through, though, is your trust in your wife and your interest in her having gratifying personal sexual pleasure. Go ahead and indulge yourselves in all of the enjoyable playing combinations so that you get all of the stimulation inherent in watching and hearing your wife getting it from another man and giving it to another man, then let yourself enjoy some attention from the other woman and then from your own wife. Sounds like you both have lots of fun to look forward to so "Good Luck!"

Oh, almost forgot the personal experience part. Having never had a erectile issue, I was totally intimidated when we decided to attend our very first Lifestyle convention in Dallas, since we'd never actually had sex out in the open in front of other many other couples. In anticipation of that issue, I took a single Viagra tablet. Eight hours, six women, and seven orgasms later, I was completely hooked on the lifestyle convention idea. I'd never had more than two "Big O's" in a night. It was awesome.

[funguy500 15]

thanks for the response.

a couple things. First, the second experience to me was really successful and I was a someones house. To me, it was alot less stressfull to hangout with a couple, talk for a little while and then swing. Parties to me are alot more stressful. Secondly, getting erections that might wife could only dream about happen all the time when we are together. Thats not the problem. The problem is that they dont happen when we are with other couples. I heard that viagara wont work if the problem is psychological, like mine seems to be. Anyone heard this too?

 

Any more comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest rdy46227]

{snip}

I heard that viagara wont work if the problem is psychological, like mine seems to be. Anyone heard this too?

 

Any more comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Actually, it (or cialis or levitra) can help a lot.

 

If getting an erection is like riding a bicycle up hill, wouldn't it be great to have something that would keep you from slipping down hill without impeding your uphill progress?

 

These drugs can help you keep what you get, so you can eventually get hard, even if it's in small increments.

 

And when you realize you don't have to keep concentrating on not loosing what firmness you manage to work up, everything gets easier.

 

 

Getting an erection is actually the brain stopping its' inhibition of the body's arousal facility. In other words, an erectile state is the default, and it's only the brain that holds it in check.

 

If you can make any psychologically progress toward an erection, the brain will allow the arousal facility to start the chemical process leading to an erection. The drug affects things by keeping the chemical cascade (once started) going for an extended period, even if the brain returns to its normal state of signaling the initial cascade not to start.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

If you decide to use medication, talk to your doctor first. As always.

 

Alcohol is a problem with the stress/anxiety/performance of swinging. Less alcohol. More relaxed. Go with the flow and chant with me. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Oh, oh, oh, ooooohhhhh, I DID IT.

 

You're welcome.

[likeitalot04 56]

Do yourself a favor and simply get a prescription for Viagra...it is no big deal, just tell your doctor you are having problems with erections without mentioning the swinging. Viagra has become one of the most prescribed drugs in the country and there is no reason to be embarrassed about it. Viagra works great and are not addictive or habit forming...they will make you feel like a 16 year old virgin again. Use them when needed.

 

Here is a tip...get your Dr. to prescribe the 100 mg dose then cut the pills in quarters...25 mg is all you will probably need and it is the best bang for the buck (a little play on words there). If your insurance covers a few pills a month you will have more than enough cutting them with a pill cutter you can buy in any drug store.

 

Ask your doctor if he has any samples so you could try it, my doctor got me started on them without me even asking...he said, "Try these, I think you will like the results"...sure enough, next visit I asked for and received a prescription...he was the one that suggested getting the higher dose and cutting them because my insurance would only allow a certain number a month the same number no matter the strength. By cutting them I have nearly enough for daily a dose day though I only use it when we want to have an extended play session. My wife says she can't tell when I take it and when I don't, but I sure can tell...it is great!

 

You will not regret trying it, take it before you play for you evidently you don't need any help at home. It is at least worth a try! It could help the psychological confidence after a few successes you may not even need it any longer....but I would bet you would take it anyway.

 

Good luck...

[BiloxiCouple 695]

If you cut your pills, let your Dr. know. There may be some pills that aren't to be cut for more than trying to save a few dollars. Hopefully, Viagra isn't one.

 

As for me, all my other meds preclude me from taking Viagra now.

 

Insurance is a necessary evil, but can extend your life without ruining you financially. Living proof here.

[funguy500 15]

lol.. i wonder if the chat will work. I will definately try it . I was kinda hoping there would be some way to overcome this with using drugs. hmm.. the more i think about it though, maybe it would help just as a confidence booster for a certain time and then try things without the drugs.

 

this is so helpful. keep the comments coming!

[funguy500 15]

are viagra and cealis really that different?

damm. i was hoping that i could do some excersises or chant in tougues rather than solve this problem with drugs. Especially since its not really a medical problem. But hey.. i know my insurance covers this, so what the hell i guess,,

[tribbles 490]

I NEED ADVICE! I wanna have fun too...lol

 

This jumped out at me cuz it appears you can only have fun if you have an erection, right?

 

We don't measure fun that way. Recently we went to a party, hubby didn't penetrate anyone but he ate two ladies and he came home grinning from ear to ear cuz he had fun playing with them.

 

It sounds like you meet a couple, then consider the swap the 'important' part....why not play with your wife first or even do more of a group activity?

 

If she is sucking the other guy and you are either in her hand or penetrating her and the other lady is sitting on your face......well, you get the idea...even if you aren't hard, your wife can be touching you and the other guy while you touch the other woman and in the right positon, the other couple may find a way to touch as well facelick

 

You also mentioned that the girls played, so your wife is bi? Why not have the other guy penetrate either female, the other female can lick the clit of the woman being penetrated and you can eat the pussy left in need of attention. facelick

 

Hopefully even soft, you would be having fun and when you got home and thought about it, you and your wife could go at it again cuz talking about it could get you hard.

 

Eventually, just relaxing that way and knowing you can always finish at home later with your wife, would help you overcome the anxiety.

 

Now go play "outside the box".

[likeitalot04 56]

Haven't tried the others but Viagra is good...trust me you will like it, once you get hard you can do other things and you will keep that hard on...keeps working while you are eating then you are ready when needed.

 

My doc knows I cut them in half, in fact it was HIS idea to get more from the insurance company.

 

Try it, you will like it!

[matt1s3 15]

I think you just need to get it out of your head. This has happened to me during my first 2 ffm experiences and I'm 28 and very high sex drive. I knew 100% it was just a fear of not getting it up that caused me to well, not get it up. As soon as one of them fell asleep and it was just myself and one of the girls, everything started working immediately. It was just the pressure of it all.

 

Once you can do it a few times and build the confidence, I bet it won't happen again. Maybe you should try viagra or something just a couple times so you are comfortable and have done it a few times then you can skip the viagra and be on your own.

 

Again though, it's completely mental. The more you worry about it, the more it's going to happen.

[ShellyM 0]

OP, this is a very common problem with men, especially when you don't play too often. Medications are effective from what I hear. Please do NOT borrow them from others or go online to get them.....you need to go to your doctor who knows the condition of your heart and health before you start taking these medications. Alot of times people think these are just harmless drugs and take them like candy...I've been to parties and seen men just passing them out. Please do NOT do that. I can agree with Tribbles...however, you will find that most women WANT cock at some point...myself admittedly included. You will find threads filled with frustrated women (again, myself included). So I know that there is alot of pressure on you gentlemen from the ladies. I think you are just the type of man that would do really well with couples that you know well and are comfortable with. Its hard being able to relax around strangers, this is where alcohol is helpful...but then its not friendly to erections. So you may find that hooking up on a regular basis with couples you get along well with will help your problem.

Best of luck to you,

Shelly

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I can bet you don't want to hear it, but seriously, skip the alcohol one time.

 

Sure, it might not be the alcohol alone. But it certainly isn't going to help things along either. I would be doing everything I could physically to make things are 100% and then, when you are sucessful in the swinging enviroment, you can take that new found confidence a lot further.

 

But yeah, I've been in those shoes before and alcohol was the factor, even though when I am at home I could be completely hammered and still get it up with my wife. Go figure.

 

Mr. Truelove

[couplewanting50 65]

You might find separate room play to make a huge difference, too.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

I've had this problem, though not to the degree where I couldn't get ANYTHING done at least for a little while. Here's what's helped me:

 

1)Little or no alcohol (1 beer max).

 

2)No eating at least 4 hours prior--I'm not certain, but I believe the digestive process causes a redirection of blood supply to the stomach.

 

3)Getting comfortable with the couple. This entails a variety of measures. My most successful encounters have been with couples where:

• We hung out with the couple for a few hours, talked, laughed, flirted
  
• Everyone was clearly very interested in everyone else
  
• Playtime wasn't a "pairing off" of two different couples, but everyone together, touching, feeling, licking everyone else (except male/male in our case), just kind of going with what feels good at the time
  
• There was LOTS of foreplay, doing the above for a long time, until someone finds a hard man to mount
  
• I was thinking about the [insert body part] in front of me instead of my erection.
  

 

Oh yeah. And Cialis doesn't hurt either

 

The answer really is "relax". Soooo easy to say, yet so hard to do when you're sitting in front of virtual strangers with your clothes off. The above methods have helped me get the focus off my performance and just be in the moment.

[funguy500 15]

I dont think i have a problem trying these drugs but people have told me they dont help you get an erection, they help you maintain one. So if this is the case, wouldnt it do me no good? Sorry to beat this topic with a stick. I just want to be clear.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

Actually, they do help get AND maintain erections. They don't automatically give you an erection--you need some form of physical or mental stimulation as you normally would. I've tried all the big three, and they do help. I prefer Cialis, because the effects last longer.

[MrsPandMe 150]

Funguy,

 

I've been in the same boat as you, my friend. Trust me, if you get hard enough to cut diamonds with the wifey, then you KNOW you've got the goods, it's just a matter of trying to figure out what shuts down the process in your head.

 

While you're on your fact finding mission, trust me, the drugs WILL HELP provided you tolerate them well and you're at least somewhat into the action, which it sounds like you are. I've only had the Cialis falter once, and that was pretty much because I was feeling like crap and had been up for 28 hours at that point, and at that, I STILL managed to wood up enough to screw for a while before my dick finally caught up with the rest of my body and started to give me attitude! Even at that, a quick break, a glass of water, and watching the other couple for a few minutes got me back in the game. It wasn't a stellar performance to be sure, but it gave me what I needed to muscle through.

 

You, as am I, are still pretty new at the game. Every encounter is a learning experience, and Mrs. P and I both talk at length afterwards about what worked, what didn't and what we took away from the evening.

 

Unfortunately for us, getting wood isn't like flexing a muscle. Sometimes the best way to resolve an erection issue is to give up on it and fall back on those amazing oral skills you've been working on. If you're too busy concentrating on licking the alphabet (10 points to who can identify that quote!), you might be surprised to find that in your absence your friend has decided to join the party.

 

Okay.. Man to man, here's a quick tip too. If sex is even a possibility, get the condom as ready as you can before even starting the action. What I mean is, deal with ripping the packaging open and getting it within reach as soon as the clothes are off. This way, you're not trying to deal with the juggling act of stopping, looking for and locating the rubber, trying to negotiate the wrapper, often times with wet fingers (of course, on the practice run before the big event, you had it on faster then a Marine dons a bio suit... Now that you're in the thick of it, the thing might as well be encased in Kryptonite), getting it out of the wrapper, trying to find which way it rolls, finally getting it in place, only to find that your dick has assumed the party was over, threw the guitar over it's back and started the walk home! If the thing is right in your wheelhouse, you don't even need to take your face out of her pussy to suit up! Good times for her, great times for you.. You haven't stopped what you were doing to get hard in the first place, and now you're ready to go! Good times!

 

Mr. P

[MrsPandMe 150]

I've tried all the big three, and they do help. I prefer Cialis, because the effects last longer.

 

Hey, did you notice any difference at all between Viagra and Cialis, apart from the length of the effect? I haven't done big blue yet. I have a few Levitra that the doc laid on me but haven't tried those either. What was your experience with them?

 

And, mods, if this qualifies as thread hijacking, I'll be a good boy and start a new thread.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

It's been a while since I tried Viagra. I've taken Levitra and Cialis within the last couple of months, and they both worked well--with the exception of one time when I took half a Cialis not early enough and on a full stomach. I seemed to have a few more side effects with Viagra (stuffy head, blue vision). I got slightly stuffy with Levitra for a little bit and have had no side effects with Ciallis. In the end, they've all worked quite well for me.

[couplewanting50 65]

The only way for an individual to learn of the differences between Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, is for that individual to try all three. If you read enough personal comments, you will find entirely mixed opinions.

 

Have your doctor give you a prescription for 10 of each. The pharmacist will give you some lecture about the idea that you can't take them all at once, and may even phone your doctor, as was the case with me, but when you explain that you are just taking them at different times for comparison, they accept.

 

My own experience, which is not offered as an answer for you, and perhaps revealing individual differences, is that I did not find Levitra to be all that good. Yes, Cialis does last longer, but for me, Viagra has much more punch, works better. And, in my case, I can tell that I get benefits from Viagra for as long as 12 hours. A disadvantage I found with Cialis is that if you take it for a number of days in a row, it causes leg muscle pains, which is listed in the literature.

 

One thing I did for a while, though I am not now, due to cost, since insurance won't pay for any of this, is I would take a Viagra Friday night, and then take a Cialis Saturday night, which should be good for Saturday night and Sunday. Again, your mileage may vary.

 

Ignoring time lapse, I did not find Cialis as effective as Viagra, and if you took Cialis every other day, it was even poorer.

 

You need to try them all yourself, with a good number of them, not just one or two. This delightful experimentation will take a month or two, probably.

 

Have fun.

[funguy500 15]

i was really hoping that this wasnt going to turn into a drug review session..lol

Anyways, I really appreciate all the suggestions. I will try one of those drugs and see what happens. I figure, it cant hurt and if i only need to take it a couple times to build confidence, then thats a good fix for this problem.

 

One last plea though.. if anyone has any stories about overcoming this problem WITHOUT drugs, let me know

[couplewanting50 65]

 

One last plea though.. if anyone has any stories about overcoming this problem WITHOUT drugs, let me know

 

 

Don't get into any play situation unless you are completely comfortable with all the details, you know the woman is fully into desiring you, and no one else present has any anxiety about it all.

 

Then it will be like being with your wife — you will do just great.

[good times 991]

One last plea though.. if anyone has any stories about overcoming this problem WITHOUT drugs, let me know

Ok, as the drugs do not work for me in the least regarding this problem, I can't really tell you what will work for you but I can suggest some things I tried that seemed to work. In the end what worked best for me is several years of experience. Swinging sex is just so different than what I was used to that my main problem was just being nervous about the situation, after a few years and many experiences with swing partners I got over that.

 

The first thing we did when the problem cropped up was my wife and I would go to the club and play with each other in the public play room. My biggest hurdle to get over was just being able to perform with more than one other person around and with so many distractions.

 

Another thing that I found out totally by accident that works for me is when a play partner blindfolded me. Turns out that if I wear a blindfold or turn out the lights it reduces the distractions enough that I no longer have a problem.

 

Another thing we now do if the other couple is willing, is play in separate rooms the first time we play. If I am playing one-on-one with a woman I can go at my own pace rather than the pace being driven by others, so it seems to take enough pressure off to mitigate the problem.

 

Now days I hardly ever have this problem. For the most part it is all related to experience. First, my experience has made me more comfortable in play situations. Secondly, because of the experience I have, I know when and in what situations the problem is likely to crop up and avoid those situations. And finally, I now go at my own pace whether other people are in the room or not.

[funguy500 15]

couplewanting50, I think you touched on something that actually happened to me at the last experience we had. I wasnt sure if the women was really desiring me. I didnt get a clear vibe at the party, so when we went back to the room, that stressed me out. hmmm, thanks for that suggestion!

Thanks to goodtimes as well, lots of great advice!

[couplewanting50 65]

couplewanting50, I think you touched on something that actually happened to me at the last experience we had. I wasn't sure if the women was really desiring me. I didn't get a clear vibe at the party, so when we went back to the room, that stressed me out. hmmm, thanks for that suggestion!

 

 

Great. Non-verbal cues from the woman can make a huge difference. He desire for you can be quite arousing, or her indifference to you can shut you down. Only play with partners you know want you. Just like life.

[funguy500 15]

another thing i just thought of was the last couple we played with we really never discussed any rules. The good experience we had we did discuss everything up front. So im sure that was a factor in the problem as well.

 

Thanks to everyone! This is really helping me alot!

[Guest rdy46227]

I dont think i have a problem trying these drugs but people have told me they dont help you get an erection, they help you maintain one. So if this is the case, wouldnt it do me no good? Sorry to beat this topic with a stick. I just want to be clear.

1. YES, they do help. I can personally testify to the fact. While taking the drug does not cause an automatic erection (i.e. you don't get hard 22 minutes after taking the pill), if and when you desire an erection it WILL come if the medication is in your body to support it.

 

2. All three (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) can be pill split. Keep the remaining part cool and dry. One of the vapor absorbing capsules/packets that come with some medicines (and other things than need to be kept dry) can be placed in an airtight container with the remainder.

 

3. Viagra itself has 3 disadvantages:

 

First, it last much shorter that the other drugs. Cialis is called the "weekend pill" because it can last 24-36 hours. Levitra is in the middle, 5-8 hours. While "Viagra" was the first and only for a long while, the later products have definite advantages.

 

Second, the "blue vision" side effect common with Viagra is almost non-existent with the others.

 

But more important, the slight "loss of vision" risk appears to be associated only with Viagra. The current thinking is that Viagra affects P6 as well as P5, and P6 is known to relate to vision loss. (All of the drugs affect the cascade chain, but each affects a different step, which makes a difference in what is left roaming around in the body.)

 

Disclaimer: YMMV. I'm not professionally qualified in medicine or pharmacology. I do follow the literature, and I'm just trying to report on what I've read.

[Guest rdy46227]

Regarding pill splitting, I might also add that Cialis 5 mg once a day has been approved in Europe. (Normal dose is 10-20mg.) This regime would leave a person ready for sex 24/7 without having to dig up a pill and wait!

 

If your insurance will give you (8) 20mg tablets a month and you split them into 5mg pieces, then you are covered for 32 days...

[funguy500 15]

My prescription is for 20mg pills. Would 5mg really do the trick? seems kind low.

[Guest rdy46227]

Start cialis with 10 mg, i.e. 1/2 a tablet.

 

Take it at least 2 hrs in advance. If you can't get it up at the start of the evening, wait a while and don't stress out about it. Try again an hour or two latter, and then try again after another wait.

 

If you don't have any success, try again. If it's the next day, use the other 10 mg half. If the occasion is later on (like the next weekend) then use a full tablet (20 mg).

 

Once you get a feel for how things work for you, try splitting in thirds, a dose of 5 - 7 mg depending on how good your splitting is. You can also decrease the wait time from 2 hrs down to maybe 40 minutes.

 

(Personally, I like 5 mg Friday before I cut off work, with a second 5 mg Saturday afternoon. It's still going strong for Monday morning wake-up sex.)

 

Do get a pill splitter, as the tablets are pear shaped. You need to be able to position the blade accurately and keep it on track as you cut the tablet.

 

 

PS: There's another thread going on abut this. I apologize for not taking the discussion over there, thus contributing to the hijack of your thread.

[ShellyM 0]

One last plea though.. if anyone has any stories about overcoming this problem WITHOUT drugs, let me know

 

Hey. Number one, know that you are NOT alone. There are few things you can try. Number one, I think relaxing and getting to know the woman would be really beneficial. Here are some tips we have heard of that helped others.

1. Getting plenty of rest the night before play/napping earlier in the day.

2. Keeping alcohol to a severe minimum.

3. Spending time with the lady flirting so you can relax around her.

4. Dancing with the lady. This is a good way to begin touching her body.

5. Starting play with your own wife. Alot of people do this. It helps assure you that your wife is okay with things, is having fun too..this allows you to relax.

6. Put on some porn. Always good for getting the juices flowing.

7. Separate room play (if this is something you all agree to)

 

8. HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN!!

 

This is FUN. Don't apply MORE pressure. Just relax and have this attitude: Even if things don't work out you KNOW your wife is hot and sexy, sensual and erotic...so either way you win!!!!

 

Best of luck to you, Shelly

[couplewanting50 65]

Hey. Number one, know that you are NOT alone. There are few things you can try. Number one, I think relaxing and getting to know the woman would be really beneficial. Here are some tips we have heard of that helped others.

1. Getting plenty of rest the night before play/napping earlier in the day.

2. Keeping alcohol to a severe minimum.

3. Spending time with the lady flirting so you can relax around her.

4. Dancing with the lady. This is a good way to begin touching her body.

5. Starting play with your own wife. Alot of people do this. It helps assure you that your wife is okay with things, is having fun too..this allows you to relax.

6. Put on some porn. Always good for getting the juices flowing.

7. Separate room play (if this is something you all agree to)

 

8. HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN!!

 

This is FUN. Don't apply MORE pressure. Just relax and have this attitude: Even if things don't work out you KNOW your wife is hot and sexy, sensual and erotic...so either way you win!!!!

 

Best of luck to you, Shelly

 

All very good stuff, and speaking in a number of ways to the general idea of time. Good post, Shelly. The more time you have, the more time you spend, relaxed time, with your new partner, the less rushed or pressured that you might feel.

 

I have learned this through a number of experiences. Shelly talks about flirting and dancing and touching. All of that is very good and very important, supporting a natural arousal process. If you know that you won't be rushed, then all can be spontaneous. Erections will just emerge, if you get my meaning.

[funguy500 15]

wow! I just thought i would follow up on my original post. I finally got a chance to try cialis after a swingers party this past weekend. WHOA..lol!

You could tell a difference right away. First of all let me tell you the time table on everything:

1)7pm at dinner I took 1 pill, 20mg cialis

2) Arrived at the party at 8pm and had 1 beer and that was it the whole night. I took peoples advice and cut back the drinking

3)got back to the room at 1am with a couple

 

now, as soon as i got back to the room, i went in the bathroom to kinda freshin up and noticed something right away. Usually when I am about ready to do something like this, I get nervous and my cock gets really small..lol. Well, this time it was semi-hard and had a different feeling to it. Its hard to explain but it kinda had that feeling like if someone started to touch it once it would be ready to go.

Well, it turned out if was! I had no problems at all and it was a great experience with the other couple. Now, with that being said, I would like to ask for some advice again from all the great people on this website. The cialis did get me one Major side effect. a BAD HEADACHE for about 24 hrs. It was bearable but still, very annoying. Is this anything I can do about this? Maybe cut the dosage back or maybe try another ED drug? I mean, for me its probably a confidence thing anyways and I might not need it anymore but Id like to keep my options open cause wow.. it got SOO HARD. it was awesome..lol

So..can anyone offer me any advice on the headache issue?

[couplewanting50 65]

wow! I just thought i would follow up on my original post. I finally got a chance to try cialis after a swingers party this past weekend. WHOA..lol!

You could tell a difference right away. First of all let me tell you the time table on everything:

1)7pm at dinner I took 1 pill, 20mg cialis

2) Arrived at the party at 8pm and had 1 beer and that was it the whole night. I took peoples advice and cut back the drinking

3)got back to the room at 1am with a couple

 

now, as soon as i got back to the room, i went in the bathroom to kinda freshin up and noticed something right away. Usually when I am about ready to do something like this, I get nervous and my cock gets really small..lol. Well, this time it was semi-hard and had a different feeling to it. Its hard to explain but it kinda had that feeling like if someone started to touch it once it would be ready to go.

Well, it turned out if was! I had no problems at all and it was a great experience with the other couple. Now, with that being said, I would like to ask for some advice again from all the great people on this website. The cialis did get me one Major side effect. a BAD HEADACHE for about 24 hrs. It was bearable but still, very annoying. Is this anything I can do about this? Maybe cut the dosage back or maybe try another ED drug? I mean, for me its probably a confidence thing anyways and I might not need it anymore but Id like to keep my options open cause wow.. it got SOO HARD. it was awesome..lol

So..can anyone offer me any advice on the headache issue?

 

Yes, less dose, less chance of headache. Also less benefit.

 

My experience with Viagra and Cialis is that the more you use them the less side effects you have. Another thing you can do is to take ibuprofen at the same time you take the Cialis. That works very well, too.

 

Also, if you want to try a reduced dose, don't buy them; get a pill splitter at your local drug store and cut them, or even just use a sharp knife. You will save money.

[ShellyM 0]

Original poster, any updates? I hope things are going well for you!

[funguy500 15]

hmm..less effect huh. Not sure I want that. I think the cialis really did its job, I just wanna cut down on the side effects. Maybe the Advil might not be a bad idea. Thanks for the Tip!

Anyone have any experiences with viagra and its side effects? Maybe that might be something i should try instead?

[couplewanting50 65]

hmm..less effect huh. Not sure I want that. I think the cialis really did its job, I just wanna cut down on the side effects. Maybe the Advil might not be a bad idea. Thanks for the Tip!

Anyone have any experiences with viagra and its side effects? Maybe that might be something i should try instead?

 

My experience with Viagra is that it has more punch; a more dramatic effect, somewhat quicker, though it does not last nearly as long, obviously. Initially, I got the blue vision thing with Viagra, but it subsided over time as I took it, and now it causes not blue vision. It, too, causes headaches. Once again, take ibuprofen when you take the pill and it seems to prevent that.

 

Personally, even if I got a headache, I much preferred the enhanced performance of my cock and found it a trade-off I was quite willing to make.

 

I can have erections without these drugs, but with them, they come more easily, are harder, and last longer. Better living — enhanced sexuality — through chemistry.

[funguy500 15]

maybe I will try viagra, its cant hurt. one question,couplewanting50, If i take it at like say 8pm, will I be ready by1am without worry of it wearing off by then?

[Vjklander 138]

I've usually not had a problem, but early on I sometimes didn't get real hard with couples. With single guys in MFM I was always real hard. I think I had some apprehension about doing another female like it was cheating, even if my wife was right there. Maybe not cheating exactly, more like taking your focus away from your wife. That's just not a natural thing to do eh? You might try doing MFM or FMF (especially if she is bi) and see if you are are more comfortable with that.

[couplewanting50 65]

maybe I will try viagra, its cant hurt. one question,couplewanting50, If i take it at like say 8pm, will I be ready by1am without worry of it wearing off by then?

 

On an empty stomach, meaning no heavy food or big meal, it begins to work in 45 minutes to one hour. If you have had a big meal [which is does not fit well with sex anyway...] it could be more like two 90 minutes to two hours.

 

It has greatest effect for about 2-3 hours, and then tapers, but for me still offers readily apparent effect even the next morning for wake-up play.

[Beachswinger 22]

From my experience, due to 5+ years on blood pressure pills which have caused intermittent but annoying "power failures", I've used 2 of the 3 E.D. pills now on the market. Both have taken care of of any performance issues. Here's my review:

 

1) Viagra kicks in in about 45 minutes, keeps me going like an 18 year-old for about 3 hrs afterward. I retain some enhancement for about 12 hours after first taking the pill. At home, I cut the 50mg pill in half to stretch out my supply. (I don't dare take the 100mg pill for fear that I'll be in the ER trying to get rid of a 6 hour long hard-on, ditto for taking 2 Viagra's to keep going more than 4 hours). I haven't noticed any less effectiveness using a half pill. I pop a Viagra when woody is not being cooperative and then use my oral skills to fill in the time it takes to kick in. :-)

 

2) Cialis 20mg works great for 42-48 hours for me. Again, it makes me feel 18 again. I'll use it when I think the "fun" part of the party may not start right away and that it will last well into the early morning {and maybe beyond :-) } I usually take a Cialis an hour before going to the club so by the time I get there and get settled in, I'm raring to go all weekend :-)

 

3) Someday, maybe I'll try Levitra and send you all a report.

 

4) Yep, all of you are right; minimize the alcohol, it's nothing but trouble and don't eat for 4 hours before "partying". Both have a detrimental effect on Mr Woody, pills or no pills

 

Meanwhile, does anyone on this forum know when Pfizer's patent on Viagra going to expire so half-priced generics can come onto the market ? I do pay full price for these pills at my local drugstore, despite being easily able to get them on mail-order because I don't trust what they would send me. I also do try to minimize the use of these pills, being afraid that I'll build-up a tolerance to them and they won't be as effective as the years go on.

[undercovercpl 29]

We completely understand how you're feeling. In our first few swinging experiences My hubby had some performance anxiety. He was nervous and had drank a few drinks. He also didnt feel 100% comfortable with the couples at first. He tried Viagra and that helped a lot. Even though he was anxious if he was turned on he got hard.

 

So i suggest three things.

 

First no drinks. maybe one to help relax but no more then that.

 

Second no playing unless you are 100% comfortable with the couple. Any inkling of unsureness can ruin the mood for you.

 

Thirdly try some form of the blue pill. My hubby uses Viagra and it works great when he needs it. There are coupons online and free samples you can get so they arent quite so expensive. He has a small pill case on his key chain to carry it with him if he thinks he might need it.

 

Also you might want to go to a few socials or parties even if you dont play just to help you feel less anxious

 

good luck!

[Swing*8701 887]

Ed here-- Mindset is everything. I have always felt having an attitude that I'm going to have fun and be playful is the best aphrodisiac and male enhancement drug I can take. If my head is wrapped up in too much else, I don't think I'd 'perform' as well.

 

I've never seen anything make a woman more willing to have sex than smile and laughter. And believe me, when it comes to sex, Susan is very willing with me .

So, there you go.

[montrealswinger 30]

don't notmally revive threads, but i was wondering where one might obtain cialis if you don't have a regular GP. I am 29 but i don't have regular as I only go to a doctor when something is wrong. I know this may not be te best practice, but finding a doctor with an open practice in montreal is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Can a physician at the local clinic prescribe it for me, assuming i give him my medical background, not that it really consists of much. Thanks for all the info you guys are giving out. I have tried 2 times now, the 2nd being with an incredibly hot woman and i was still not able to sustain an erection for more than a minute or 2. The second a distraction came along, bye-bye birdy.

[dancab69 15]

With my wife I have no problem, we have a great sex life. I have used all three ED pills and they work great, when with my wife. As soon as we get with another couple I just have no luck getting it to stay hard. This is a huge problem for me. It has to be in my head and I dont know how to get it out. We have started to meet single guys and I dont seem to have a problem staying hard while we take care of my cant get enough, screaming, squirting and can cum over and over again all night long wife. Hope to figure out someday how not to go soft around other females.