Can't keep it up with a condom on

[rndydebind 15]

Hi,

 

I have an embarrassing problem, and the answer to it is probably that nothing but getting used to it will help. But I wanted to ask the extremely kind and insightful people on this site for any advice they might have.

 

My wife and I have been 'dabbling' in this lifestyle for a while now (about 4 years, I think), getting out to 'play' maybe once a month or a little less.

 

We started out with sharing fantasies and then soft swap, made the leap to full swap, and recently we have even had a separate room experience.

 

My problem is I just can't keep it up once I put on a condom. Foreplay gets me nice and hard, but when I roll that thing onto my nice proud erection, it begins to deflate. And it doesn't really come back. Additional foreplay, oral sex or whatever after I have the condom on just doesn't help.

 

I know that it is just me. I don't know what it is about me that makes that happen. Anybody else experience this?

 

Limp banana in Indiana

[prettylady 221]

Hey don't sweat it.

 

My Dog had the same problem. The answer turned out to be a really large condom.

 

Apparently the condoms he was using was "stemming the tides" for him and he would lose "nice proud erection" as well. First time with the Magnums or what ever they are called and the problem was solved. Dog will tell you he was doubtful that he was big enough for a large size, but it fit wonderfully.

 

Try a larger size and see if that works.

 

Best of luck

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Or no condoms.

[lizandtom 512]

....at the threat of sounding shallow, your partner(s) might not be hot enough for you. The lifestyle is to satisfy fantasies, therefore you should be with those who you FEEL are hotties, not to be mistaken with those you THINK might be hot (and not limited to physical attraction!). There is a huge difference that most don't realize exists. NO ONE chooses who they are attracted to, they just are or aren't. We faced this reality when faced with a few similar instances and realized the other women just weren't doing it for our male 1/2; they were very nice and we always are cordial and remain acquaintances but if the chemistry isn't there the stiffy isn't going to last, and either the chemistry exists or it doesn't. This could be your issue.

[apraskov 15]

Maybe you could try cock ring (or tie a nice thin leather strip instead). Once you get used to the decreased sensation (inevitable when you use condom) you will be fine and the cockring will buy you more than enough time for that. Try it with your partner first, so you know how it works.

Good luck.

[couplewanting50 65]

prettylady said:

Try a larger size and see if that works.

 

I think your idea is good, and I have used it also. The big ones roll in on the way I would think a condom should roll on. As a worst case example, I bought some Kimono Microthin condoms, they were supposed to be great,

 

and were considered to be a standard size. I could hardly get them on, and tore them several times in the process. Not making a joke; maybe Japanese penises are smaller.

 

So, just as an experiment, I bought a couple of different brands of large size, and they go on fine, and DO NOT seem too big.

[good times 991]

Yep, I had this problem too. Turns out that the cure was doing two things. First, Mrs. GT went and bought every condom she could find and we spent a day trying them. Sure enough, some worked better than others (the Kimono Large ultra-thin condoms turned out to work best for me). The second thing we did is that I used a condom with Mrs. GT for a while to get used to wearing one. Now days, while I still prefer no condom, it isn't the end of the show if I have to wear one.

[apraskov 15]

good times said:

The second thing we did is that I used a condom with Mrs. GT for a while to get used to wearing one.

 

Great idea.... Why didn't I think of that?

[rndydebind 15]

Thanks to all of you who were kind enough to respond. Also, thanks for the supportive way in which you have treated me. You folks are great!

 

I will try both suggestions: A larger condom (I was not using a 'large' size) and it rolled on fairly tight; and using it with the Mrs. for a while to get used to it and defray any performance anxiety that may have built up from my failures while 'in my rubber coat'.

 

Again, thank you!

 

[apraskov 15]

Reading the posts again it looks like my second post (Why didn't I think of that) seems sarcastic, I apologize, I did not mean for it to be.

[rndydebind 15]

Reading the posts again it looks like my second post (Why didn't I think of that) seems sarcastic, I apologize, I did not mean for it to be.

 

I can't speak for Mr. Goodtimes, but being that sarcasm is a high form of humor, and is not in and of itself an insult, it comes down to how you meant to employ sarcasm. I did not detect any meanness or intent to insult in your comment. However, I can see where it could look that way. Its one of the shortcomings of forums and E-Mails that there are only emoticons and formatting to convey those extra bits of meaning that would have made your intent clear. We usually get that from things like body language and tone of voice, along with the person's voice cadence and where they place emphasis. You just can't get all that in a text message. Sigh.

[sereneiders 263]

It happened to me as well and it still does from time to time.

 

Get used to it. Try several brands. And... practice. I mean, you may have enough with being confortable with a playmate and make her feel confortable, as to add up the condoms issues. Take one problem at a time: start wearing condoms when having sex with your wife, even to jack off if you enjoy it. Get used to the condoms on your own, and then it'd be easiest with a playmate.

[Tybee Swing 286]

The answers already given here are the ones that worked for Mr. Tybee. Better fitting/larger condom, and also getting used to using a condom. If you think about it, most married men probably haven't used a condom in years or decades; they are conditioned to being skin-on-skin with their wives. Then, they get into an unfamiliar situation (new woman/nervous), often with a couple of drinks in them, often the hour is later than they're accustomed to (getting tired), and then they're struggling to get this foreign, rubbery thing over their cock. No wonder!

 

Practicing and playing around with condoms at home really helps. Cumming in them with your wife helps with the conditioning issue. Here's a fun way to play with condoms: watch the Nina Hartley video "Making Love to Men" as a couple. She does a whole segment on how to make it sexier with condoms, including how a woman can apply it for him...orally. Very hot! If all the women of swinging would learn this technique, there might be a lot more hard-ons in the lifestyle.

[Tybee Swing 286]

One more tip that works for Mr. Tybee: Just before applying the condom, he puts a drop of good water-soluble lube inside the condom, works it around, and then applies it. Having that lube between him and the condom makes it feel much better. He says it increases the sensitivity.

[sexcupid 809]

Most of my swing partners have had the same issue...things are going great until the condom goes on.

 

Jeff has the same problem. But for him it's mostly a mental game. We've used condoms to kind of 'prep' him for playtime...however, he doesn't have any problems even if we are using a condom. It's being in the situation of having a new partner coupled with the condom that seems to do it.

 

So, if you haven't used condoms in a while...do the practice with your wife, however don't be suprised if the next time you are with a playpartner that it happens again.

 

Do try to relax...I know, your soldier isn't working the way it just was, but do try to relax. Or just think some nasty raunchy thoughts to keep hard long enough to slide in. Most of the time once your're having sex the erection will maintain.

 

Good luck!

Maria

[sereneiders 263]

Oh, I forgot about this one.

 

While wearing condoms with my wife to get used to them, I also tried the texturized ones. In one hand, they deprive you from more sensitivity than the regular ones, but in the other, it helped to think I was wearing just a sex toy to increase her pleasure. Whether it did increase her pleasure or not wasn't the issue, but to change the way I was thinking of the condom while using it. The mindsetting shift did a great job, and after you wear one depriving you from sensitivity, wearing a regular one becomes a plus.

[GoNatural 104]

I was able to cum once, but was not able to cum a 2nd time with a condom, with one particular wife. I lost my erection gradually. This happened to me with a girlfriend before also.

[nubianzlust 15]

My wife and I collect condoms and we suggest that is what you should do to find the right ones that help you and also your partner can feel like the ribbed and studded condoms. It seems you may need a very thin condom that protects you from everything so we may suggest polyurethane trojan supra but then again we have a long list of favorite condoms and are now trying to expand out and find some in other countries like the pronto condom.

[2chase3 25]

I know exactly what you mean, had the same problem but here is what helped me after experimenting with a few different brands, and seriously if you try the wrong one first you can have a negative view towards them. And most guys here have tried the trojan brand , I forget which kind it was exactly but had the feel of a tight vice and left the sensation during sex of what you would expect it would feel like wearing a ziplock freezer bag.lol.

 

The key is to go for the thin. Personally if i can still feel warmth,Im good. another thing that helped me, dont delay while wearing, so equip, right before penetration. refrain from rough sex as it will desensitize further. also practice further with your life partner, it takes some time, but after a bit you should have no problem.

 

hope this helps and good luck.

[couplewanting50 65]

Oh, I forgot about this one.

 

While wearing condoms with my wife to get used to them, I also tried the texturized ones. In one hand, they deprive you from more sensitivity than the regular ones, but in the other, it helped to think I was wearing just a sex toy to increase her pleasure. Whether it did increase her pleasure or not wasn't the issue, but to change the way I was thinking of the condom while using it. The mindsetting shift did a great job, and after you wear one depriving you from sensitivity, wearing a regular one becomes a plus.

 

I like your thinking on that.... great idea!

[willyoats 324]

I have the same problem. It almost never was an issue because no partner of mine has ever insisted on a condom. My wife wanted her partners to use a condom the first time. That also was never an issue because only once did a guy with our problem say he couldn't do it.

 

That one time did affect me. It was a three day weekend swingers conference. His wife and I were ready to go to our room when she found out that my wife wouldn't go with her husband unless he used a condom, which he couldn't. (She did not insist that I wear one.) She had already had a lot of action that weekend while he had relatively little. She decided to call off our date because she did not want her husband to be left out again.

 

That was a decent thing to do, and I can't blame her for it. I do regret it because she was really beautiful with a wonderful body, a sparkling personality and the softest, finest hair of any woman I was ever close to.

 

If Gennie ever reads this she will know that I still remember her fondly.