overcoming wife's jealousy and insecurity

[Tnlovers 15]

My wife and I have had a few MFM experiences. I would like to attend a swing resort such as hedo or one more locally. I have expressed that I dont feel the need to have sex with another.

I however would like the option on the table at some point in the future should we continue with the mfm hotwife scenario. Simply because I had very limited experience when we met and married and I am curious just as she was curious what it would be like to have sex with other men since she was a virgin when we met.

 

I think maybe that she is insecure or has a low self esteem. I don't know why she is 5'10 very long legs and is still hot after 3 kids. She enjoyed our threesome experiences and it made her feel good that she had the undivided attention of 2 men. Which made her feel special.

 

My question is how can I address her jealousy issues in

a way that will help her. I would like to eventually try standard swinging. but that is not my main concern at this point. I want her to feel good about herself to a point that she would have no jealousy.

 

I may be totally wrong that jealousy comes from insecurity so any other angles would be appreciated.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I may be totally wrong that jealousy comes from insecurity so any other angles would be appreciated.

 

Nah, I think you are pretty close to right on this. I am sure there can be other reasons for jealousy, but typically it starts with insecurity.

 

I think the thing to keep in mind is that you are looking to "change" the rules. You have started with two things:

 

1. It is okay to have threesomes with men.

2. You don't "need" sex with other women.

 

Since those have been the boundaries you two have had, and she has ventured into this with those expectations, it would be fair for her to never come around to the idea of "standard swinging".

 

My question for you is, have you spoken to her about your desire to have this on the table? If so, what has she said? What have been her objections?

 

The best way to approach anything in swinging is to "talk, talk, talk". Be honest, be fair, be understanding and just put it out there. But keep in mind that you really can't - at this point - claim "fair is fair" about adding in women, because it doesn't seem that was the agreement you started out with.

 

I think you'll get some great advice - but knowing the answers to the questions above would really help.

 

Spoomonkey

[NakedInSeattle 159]

IMO, jealousy doesn't come from insecurity. It IS insecurity. My previous wife (lost to cancer) was insanely jealous and insecure stemming from a harsh father and an abusive 1st husband. She likewise found no problem with a MFM situation but would fly into a rage at the suggestion of me with another woman. No amount of compliments from me and her other male partners would help.

 

Tn, this is a tough nut to crack (no pun intended). A lot of patience and understanding and telling her how sexy she is just MAY help. Don't mean to sound pessimistic but this one's not gonna go away quickly.

 

Good luck.

[Tnlovers 15]

to answer spoonmonkey first. it really wasn't part of the original agreement I guess. We talked about it and she said she wouldn't rule it out but at this point she wasn't ready. I told her let's just play the threesome thing out and see where it goes as she gets more comfortable. That was a year ago.

 

What brings this subject up today is that I made a comment last night about going to pleasure grove lifestyle resort in Ga. and she stated that she wanted my full attention not wandering eyes. I think I may try taking taking her someplace vanilla first as we don't get to go out much.

[ShellyM 0]

Okay, I'll get my ass in trouble, but I'll tell my honest opinion. Nothing annoys me more than one person wanting to have their pleasures completed and saying that they are not "comfortable" with the other receiving the same thing. This is purely my opinion and not worth shit....but to me that is simply selfish. I can receive pleasure and attention, but you cannot get the same thing...not cool in my book. How do you help her overcome her issues. I do not have an answer to that question. You cannot force someone not to be jealous. Perhaps if she sees you interact with other women she will come to the realization that you love HER and you aren't going anywhere...that no other woman can create the love that you have for her. However, and I'll be honest: some people cannot get over seeing their partner having sex with someone else. Now, if MFMs are okay with you and you are truly cool to do just that then you are good to go. It sounds like you would also like to experience this with other women. I don't know what to tell you in truth. From your post I'll be honest: I would never want to be in the playroom with y'all. I could see her flipping out when she looks over and sees you with another woman....again, not cool. Perhaps swinging in the sense of couples play/FMF is just not something she is going to be willing to do. Is that fair to you? No in my opinion unless you are okay with MFM only. But hey, there are lots of couples that do only MFMs and are perfectly happy...and then again, thats when both partners are cool with that. Best of luck to you.

Shelly

[Tnlovers 15]

I am happy where we are at but deep down. I guess I feel it shows that she after 16yrs of marriage and 3 kids still is concerned that I am apt to leave at some point. Which is totally untrue. I love her incredibly( although she can drive me nuts at times too LOL) and would never do such a thing.

 

I agree I dont think I would want to be in the playroom with us either right now. I really don't want a fmf although it is a fantasy(Isn't it for every guy.) I just at some point would like to have the option for a soft or full swap to be on the table. And if I were to sychoanalyze myseld it isnt about the swap as much is it is about her ability to trust me not to hurt her.

 

 

She had an incredibly difficult childhood having pretty much raised herself and I think as stated before that she may have self esteem issues related to that.

 

In fanatsy, the things she is not open to are the very things that drive her the wildest in bed. one of her fav's is imagining placing me inside the other woman as we swap which is pretty hot and bold.

 

I think that given the right opportunity she may be willing to try some of the things. When we started out Mfm she was dead set against it then there was no stopping her.

 

Sorry for rattling on just trying to give as much background as I can so I can get the best advice possible.

[couplewanting50 65]

I made a comment last night about going to pleasure grove lifestyle resort in Ga. and she stated that she wanted my full attention not wandering eyes.

 

She wants the pleasure of MFM play, but you can't even look, hence the wandering eyes remark.

 

She has a serious double standard thing going on there....

[Tnlovers 15]

I read over my previous post and feel I may have given the wrong impression or context to the above quote. We rarely are able to get out by ourselves. I mean like once or twice a year. She had stated that she wanted to spend some time as just a couple. Which i think is perfectly reasonable. I think her comment may have had more to do with just wanting some couple time than jealousy about looking. She has never had a problem with me looking as far as I know. ( I have perfected the art of the looking but not being obvious game.

 

I am ok with continuing with MFM It really fires up our sex life for months afterward and is good for her ego.

 

I think after a while in this lifestyle with more exposure she may be more comfortable with who she is

[spectraschain 21]

You people are tough....

 

This isn't really about "she's gettin' hers, I want mine".....

 

Given the background of this lady, dude's getting along rather well I would think...

 

What happened to the sage advice so often expounded on these pages?

 

New look, new attitude I guess...

[LFM2 1,482]

She has never had a problem with me looking as far as I know. ( I have perfected the art of the looking but not being obvious game.

 

This is something that Mr. LFM and I love to do together. I love looking at women and in fact, imagining that Mr. LFM is having sex with her is just such a turn-on for me. I can't imagine him having to take subtle looks at a woman so I don't know. It's just not natural.

 

I am ok with continuing with MFM It really fires up our sex life for months afterward and is good for her ego.

 

I'm sure you are content with the MFM, and if you're like us and a zillion other swingers will testify is that is zings up a sex life for a long time. I'd be a little more persistent to find out why Mrs. Tnlovers doesn't want you to experience the same thing she gets to experience. I love MFM's too, but I love to play with other couples as well. I love to see Mr. LFM with another woman. That cranks my engine.

 

Is she approachable so you can talk to her and find out what her thoughts are? Don't talk about it in the bedroom, but over a cup of coffee (hot chocolate, wine, milk) at the kitchen table.

 

I remember when we first started swinging, I just knew that the first woman that Mr. LFM was going to have sex with was going to be better than me and he'd run off with her. I knew I wasn't going to go anywhere, but I wasn't so sure about him. I was soooo worried that he was going to want someone more than me. This could be one of her fears. Well, I was wrong. (Usually am, too.) He had to reassure me that he wasn't going to do that. I had fears that I needed resolved before I could see him do that. When we did meet up with our first couple, I never realized how sexy it was to watch him. There wasn't an ounce of jealousy in the room and the night was just incredibly fulfilling. Good luck to you.

[Tnlovers 15]

I think I recall her mentioning something along those lines briefly a few years back when we first started discussing this. It was another year or so before we actually tried our first MFM. It was mentioned in passing and very brief but that may have been something I should have paid more attention too, She said it almost jokingly and I just chuckled and said yeah right. Guess I should pay more attention to the little things.

 

I am curious how did he relieve your fears. I have expressed my love and attractiveness to her and we have so much history together, Could sure use a woman's point of view

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- I'm going to get into more trouble than ShellyM because I'm going to say your wife needs to grow up. Married partners agree to things that are fair and equitable. This is neither and just because it was agreed to, does not make it right. I could not imagine having our friend Tom fuck me like a mad mink in March, but tell Ed he couldn't enjoy Karen, Tom's wife. Perhaps, and I've seen this in women, they are accustomed to always having the better half of any 'agreement' and what you have continues that behavior/expectation.

[ncmd_couple 597]

TN,

 

I know where you are coming from. The key to all of this is that you have to be completely open and honest with your wife. My better half is over 50 and has put on some pounds. So she has some serious self esteem issues. However, having said that, the best way for her to get over that was actually going to a swing club. She has blossumed after that. Once she discovered that others are just like us, she relaxed and we have had a lot of fun. But the key to it is that you have to talk about it!

 

As for the jealousy, Lee was very jealous before I laid it all out on the table. I then found out more about her past as well and discovered that we both wanted the same thing. I have been kicking myself in the ass for not being open and honest with her years ago. We missed alot!!!

 

Going to a swinger club doesn't have to be all about sex with others. It is also being able to play and be sexy with each other! So sit down with your lovely wife and tell her the truth. For the truth will set you free!

[des1re06 200]

I agree with ncmd_couple, in that we go to swing resorts and clubs all the time and rarely swap. It's the sexual energy and making friends that attracts us.

 

Do go with the understanding that you're enjoying each other, and if something else happens, it happens. Then you can discuss your boundaries with the other couple.

 

There will not be single men at the pleasure grove (we're regulars there), but many experienced couples who can give good advice and become good friends. Quite a few of the couples play separately.

 

Give your wife the space to become friends with other women in the lifestyle and maybe she can start feeling less insecure. Talking it out with another woman helps sometimes.

 

I'm not going to address the jealousy issue because neither of us are jealous and I cannot give advice on that.

 

Good luck,

 

Mrs. D

[Tnlovers 15]

Thanks for all of the replies thus far. We are talking about it regularly. She stated she didnt mind something happening just wanted it to happen naturally. She mention maybe a smaller venue than pleasure grove to start with. Desire good to see your on here. You are on my friends list on sls. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Maybe you can help us get a better boaters group started next summer LOL..

[couplers 4,726]

When first with my husband-to-be, we were in the same situation - I was in a relationship with another man (still am), but I made it clear I wouldn't tolerate him having another woman. I was (still am) extremely jealous. Fortunately for me, David meant it when he said I am enough for him. What changed? I turned the jealousy thing around 180 degees. Since I am so competitve, and something of a control freak, when my recently divorced girlfriend hinted at needing sex and wanting David, I took charge and set it up. When she wanted to see him, she had to call me (I always said yes, but it made me feel in control). She is much better looking than me and made me feel superior that I was the one that married him (I'm smarter). Most women want to be in control, let your wife set it up, make it clear she can choose who you have sex with, tell her that she's better, she's the one. Whether I'm watching or David has stopped over her place on the way home from work I still get wildly jealous, but now it is a good thing. That is MY man she was fucking; wasn't he good? And just think how good I am that he always comes home.

[HotMoCpl 20]

I have to agree here also, that jealousy issues can stem from insecurity. I guess that's the issues we've gotten over. She's ready for that speacial occasion in the upcoming future......having several guys servicing her.

[ShellyM 0]

When first with my husband-to-be, we were in the same situation - I was in a relationship with another man (still am), but I made it clear I wouldn't tolerate him having another woman. I was (still am) extremely jealous. Fortunately for me, David meant it when he said I am enough for him. What changed? I turned the jealousy thing around 180 degees. Since I am so competitve, and something of a control freak, when my recently divorced girlfriend hinted at needing sex and wanting David, I took charge and set it up. When she wanted to see him, she had to call me (I always said yes, but it made me feel in control). She is much better looking than me and made me feel superior that I was the one that married him (I'm smarter). Most women want to be in control, let your wife set it up, make it clear she can choose who you have sex with, tell her that she's better, she's the one. Whether I'm watching or David has stopped over her place on the way home from work I still get wildly jealous, but now it is a good thing. That is MY man she was fucking; wasn't he good? And just think how good I am that he always comes home.

 

Im not trying to start shit. But I would never want to play with a couple where the woman is as jealous, competitive as you are. WOW. I'm sorry girl, I'm so not trying to judge you. But man, swinging just is not your thing. WOW. Sorry, your post blew me a frickin way. You have a complex and I am just glad like hell that we could never be in the same play room together. Again, I'm NOT trying to start trouble. And I know you are probably a very sweet lady. But DAMN!

Shelly

[havefuninsun 122]

When first with my husband-to-be, we were in the same situation - I was in a relationship with another man (still am), but I made it clear I wouldn't tolerate him having another woman. I was (still am) extremely jealous. Fortunately for me, David meant it when he said I am enough for him. What changed? I turned the jealousy thing around 180 degees. Since I am so competitve, and something of a control freak, when my recently divorced girlfriend hinted at needing sex and wanting David, I took charge and set it up. When she wanted to see him, she had to call me (I always said yes, but it made me feel in control). She is much better looking than me and made me feel superior that I was the one that married him (I'm smarter). Most women want to be in control, let your wife set it up, make it clear she can choose who you have sex with, tell her that she's better, she's the one. Whether I'm watching or David has stopped over her place on the way home from work I still get wildly jealous, but now it is a good thing. That is MY man she was fucking; wasn't he good? And just think how good I am that he always comes home.

 

 

This post is disturbing.

 

Your attitude is nothing like any woman of a couple i have ever met. I've never heard anyone being competitive like this in the swing world. I've heard of insecurities creep in and one wonder to themselves, "I wonder if he/she is better than I am," but those are minor compared to this.

 

You guys need to reflect as to why you're swinging. Most people swing for the variety of it all, not for competition.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I read over my previous post and feel I may have given the wrong impression or context to the above quote. We rarely are able to get out by ourselves. I mean like once or twice a year. She had stated that she wanted to spend some time as just a couple. Which i think is perfectly reasonable.

 

Hi Tnlovers,

 

I haven't had time to read through all the responses, so forgive me if this was already said -

 

I'm not a jealous wife in swinging, but if we were not spending a good bit of "us" time together first and foremost, the swinging would go by the wayside until we get enough of that. My husband and I both feel this way. If circumstances keep us from spending much quality time together, we put the swinging aside until that changes. We date frequently, make the time to be together romantically. That's the cake - swinging is just the icing for us. Perhaps this is how your wife feels about it?

 

Why are you not getting out more than 1-2 times a year?? Kids? If so, get a sitter, and frequently. I'll bet that your wife is seeing this upcoming trip to GA as an opportunity to finally get away on a romantic weekend with you, just the two of you, and that means a lot more to her than fucking strangers. Here is the thing: if you make the time to date her regularly and also periodically get away overnight with her, when you do make it to a swinger's resort, she might want to swing.

 

Good luck!

[couplers 4,726]

ShellyM - Thank you for reading and responding. You're right, sort of. I am a very nice lady to others, including the women that play with my husband. But all that shit does go on in my head; I can't help it. It used to prevent me from letting my husband enjoy other women, but now it both turns me on and makes me more passionate with him. A friend of ours is a psychiatrist; he says it's not whatever someone thinks that defines him as crazy, it's the actions a person takes. I take comfort in that. Just like I might want to steal your car or kill my boss but never do it (because it's wrong, because I would be punished), I would never do or says anything about how it arouses my jealousy. Besides, I'm the instigator of my husband's sex play with other women, so it would be stupid for me to complain.

havefuninsun - Indeed, it was disturbing when I made David stay monogomous while I wasn't. Now that I've learned to harness and enjoy the feelings I have when I see him with another woman it's a positive thing. Are the women David has had sex with better than me? Probably. I've competed in sports and rarely finish first. Does that discourage me? No; it motivates me; I like to study the competition and work harder for the prize. Is this a goofy way to approach sex with my husband? Probably; but's how I am.

[NandT 15]

Thanks for all of the replies thus far. We are talking about it regularly. She stated she didnt mind something happening just wanted it to happen naturally..

 

That is very interesting, because that is the same attitute that my wife has. I think it is something about it being "planned" vs. something "just happening." My take on it is that my wife may feel like if it just happens, then that is somehow easier for her to participate than if it is all planned out. This sort of goes contrary to the general opinion that activities should be discussed in advance, like boundaries and limits. Our first experience "just happened" in a hot tub with a male friend of ours. She was OK with it all afterwards, but if we had been trying to plan it out in advance then she may not have gone for it. This presents some issues like meeting people on line or at clubs; I mean, what is the reason we're meeting these people? Anyway we're now soft-swinging with this one couple we met on line; get together about once a month. Obviously when we get together the ultimate reason is for some sex. We do talk about it beforehand but it seems like things go a little farther than we planned each time, and she's always ok with it.

 

Maybe if you set up some situations where it could or could not happen, then when it does she might feel better about it!

[sweet_tna 680]

Glad to hear you're talking it out. It cannot be stressed enough that open communication can make or break a marriage (swinging or not).

 

I have to confess that when my honey and I got engaged, I spent a year trying to talk him out of it. I'd only had one partner before him and I was his first. I was terrified that later on, he'd decide he could "do better."

 

Of course, now we laugh at that, because we both catch each other staring at someone we find attractive and discuss what could happen (if only they were swingers . . .). I know at the end of the night, we'll come home with each other.

 

So keep talking, and who knows . . .?

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Tnlovers 15]

yes it is mainly due to the kids. We have three children and it is difficult to get a sitter for three. You are right Tybee swing in that is exactly what she said about this trip (o by the way we are going to Destin now) She said she just wanted some one on one time with my undivided attention. Which she definately will get(winK Wink). She is definately trying and I applaude her for that.

[ShellyM 0]

Hi Tnlovers,

 

I haven't had time to read through all the responses, so forgive me if this was already said -

 

I'm not a jealous wife in swinging, but if we were not spending a good bit of "us" time together first and foremost, the swinging would go by the wayside until we get enough of that. My husband and I both feel this way. If circumstances keep us from spending much quality time together, we put the swinging aside until that changes. We date frequently, make the time to be together romantically. That's the cake - swinging is just the icing for us. Perhaps this is how your wife feels about it?

 

Why are you not getting out more than 1-2 times a year?? Kids? If so, get a sitter, and frequently. I'll bet that your wife is seeing this upcoming trip to GA as an opportunity to finally get away on a romantic weekend with you, just the two of you, and that means a lot more to her than fucking strangers. Here is the thing: if you make the time to date her regularly and also periodically get away overnight with her, when you do make it to a swinger's resort, she might want to swing.

 

Good luck!

 

These are absolutely fantastic points Tybee, you are SO correct on this.

[Tybee Swing 286]

yes it is mainly due to the kids. We have three children and it is difficult to get a sitter for three.

 

Difficult, but not impossible. Work on this issue, and you'll have your problem solved. 1-2 times per year out & away from kids is not nearly enough!! It's too little time together even for a vanilla couple. If you want to swing, you'll have to seriously turn this around even moreso. You can't get out and meet with other couples without getting a sitter regularly. You can do this!

 

You are right Tybee swing in that is exactly what she said about this trip (o by the way we are going to Destin now) She said she just wanted some one on one time with my undivided attention. Which she definately will get(winK Wink). She is definately trying and I applaude her for that.

 

Have a wonderful time!

[safireblues 106]

Great comments Tybee.

[ShellyM 0]

Difficult, but not impossible. Work on this issue, and you'll have your problem solved. 1-2 times per year out & away from kids is not nearly enough!! It's too little time together even for a vanilla couple. If you want to swing, you'll have to seriously turn this around even moreso. You can't get out and meet with other couples without getting a sitter regularly. You can do this!

Have a wonderful time!

 

Yes, sooo agreed. It IS difficult. We have 3 ourselves and can relate.

You have G O T to have YOU time. Our kids know that from Mon-Fri and on Sunday we are Mommy and Daddy. And all day Saturday. But Sat. nights belong to US. We aren't Mommy and Daddy during that time, we are Jay and Shelly. Even if we can't go partying we go to dinner or a movie.....even 2 hours together having intelligent conversation is SO important. Almost all couples that are married for longer than 15 years will tell you that they make it a point to spend time together as a couple. You were not parents when you started this, you were lovers and a couple. So although all of us can relate we will tell you that its crucial. Children with happy parents are very happy children.

[safireblues 106]

SO true Shelly and it's great how you guys do that.

[LFM2 1,482]

Children with happy parents are very happy children.

 

Our kids tell us all the time that they think it's great that we still hold hands or kiss each other in the kitchen or give hugs and kisses whenever we pass each other in the house. I can only hope that they are as happy as we are. Of course, it took a lot of work to train each other.

[ShellyM 0]

Our kids tell us all the time that they think it's great that we still hold hands or kiss each other in the kitchen or give hugs and kisses whenever we pass each other in the house. I can only hope that they are as happy as we are. Of course, it took a lot of work to train each other.

 

Yes, its very important; and not only that, children learn what they see...not necessarily what we tell them. Jay and I always say that we are raising freaks lol. Its nothing for them to walk into a room and find Jay and I trading spit. Of course, nothing explicit...but they know that we are sexually into each other LOL. I think its VERY important for children to SEE that their parents are in love with each other whether it be us sitting on the couch watching that damn movie Surfs Up (I'll shoot those penguins, I swear I will if I get the chance) kissing and holding each other or holding hands at the store.

[Tnlovers 15]

A long overdue update. We have had one full swap since my original post about a year ago. She wasn't crazy about doing it again, I think it is a lack of self confidence or fear of losing me. I am her only real family as her other family members have died so I think she is just afraid of losing me. She said it was ok but a sense of "Protection or Whatever" came out. (she never didn't tell me till we were on our way home or I would have stopped.) So for now we are mainly going to do mfm while keeping an open mind about full swap for me and continuing to expose ourselves to the lifestyle and the people that have made it work successfully.

[Swing*8701 887]

This sounds more like 'control' and less about 'fear'.

[Tnlovers 15]

I don't think so. We have done a lot of talking over the yrs and she doesn't want to keep playing if it bothers me. She is just not as comfortable as I am about the lifestyle. I love what It does for her libido and It has been my idea from the start. So if anybody has the control it would be me.(although i don't like to think of it like that.) She has stated from the start that I can veto at any time.

 

My personal assessment is that with more exposure to the lifestyle she wil become more comfortable.

 

You have to understand. 6 yrs ago we were both VERY religious and she had never been with anyone but me. She has come a long way from" Halelluyah to Hit it harder harder".

[N8ture Girl 318]

I went back and read the thread to catch up on what was going on. I for one just can't fathom why or how a woman can be so jealous and controling. I myself am about the most easy going person you could meet. So I guess I am on the other end of this spectrum. I dont see how its healthy. I really dont have much to offer. But in your earlier posts you mention that you two only get out one or twice a year and thats it. Not a lot of room for a social life much less a swinging life. You also said above that you think that your wife just needs more exposure to the life style. Have you changed the frequency of your "away from the kids time"? Have you visited clubs or been to any meet and greets?

 

I honestly dont think she will ever change her jealous tendancy. I only say that because of the lengeth of time you have been on Swing Lifestyle and here with basically the same problem. And I share Shelly's sentiments. We have encountered this with another couple, and wish to never again. "Swinging" is for us about doing it together. Three somes are fine, but I would never be selfish and reap all the fun and not let my hubby partake in his fantasies. That would just be unfair. For me the phrase that sticks out the most in my mind is whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

I guess I just will never understand that mind set.

 

So if your content with the current play situation then I would leave playing with another female alone, if you want more and she wont budge then I would stop the play altogether until some major progress can be made.

 

Good luck!

[thiscouple 18]

I can sympathize with your wife. Sounds very much like me. My husband brought up the idea of swapping. He knew I had a fantasy of MFM threesome so we went that route. Then he brings in that his fantasy really is a full couple's swap. Okay...

 

Well, I want him to have fun too but honestly picturing him in my head with another woman was gut wrenching... nearly to the point of me feeling physically ill. I do have self esteem issues, worry if I am enough, and honestly my greatest fear is him willingly leaving me for another. We're doing a lot of talking and slowly working through it. We're supposed to do a same room encounter this coming weekend. With our own spouse, but another couple in the room. I'm nervous even about that. Knowing he'll be seeing her, listening to her, wanting her while being with me. Knowing it'll feel different and not sure of my reaction to that. It's scarey, but I'm willing to try and push through and readjust my way of thinking and hopefully we'll get to where we can both enjoy a full couple's swap the same way we both enjoy the MFM 3sums.

 

Just be patient and take things really slow. She's probably emotionally very raw... as I am... and kind of in a tail spin not knowing what to feel or think.

[Tnlovers 15]

yes we get out more now. It's much easier to plan things now that the kids are getting older. This thread is somewhere around 3yrs old. It used to be very difficult to arrange things.

 

She has been open to some play and I have had 2 experiences or so one was full swap so she is trying. I just love her more than I love the lifestyle and will not put our relationship in danger so I choose to tread carefully rather than be pushy to play myself.

 

We talked last night and she isn't against it but needs time to ease into it.

I understand that. When we first did the mfm. I had a huge range of emotions going on. and horny was at the bottom of the list. When you come from the background we did to just go from that, straight to seeing your spouse get banged requires some adjustment time.

 

Although we have been on this site a while, we started playing in 07 having maybe one encounter every yr to yr and a half so its not like she is getting all kinds of fun and I get nothing. Basically she had 2 mfms then wanted to try letting me play.We had a full swap,then we went to a lifestyle resort where she played once and that is it. So i would still classify us as newbies even though the time period has been quite a while.

 

Hope that helps clear it up a little.

tnlovers