Same Room or Separate Room Swinging?

[Tia Vampire 167]

Does any of you other newbies feel the same way i do when it comes to being in the same room with your husband, bf, or partner? I mean when we started into this, one of our rules was always to be in the same room, but a situation came up where we were seperated and i found it easier for me. I don't like my fiance watching me enjoy sex with another man. I can't get get into it. I also have a guilty feeling of being with another man in front of him. He says it does not bother him. it does not bother me to be in the same room with him and another girl, but i can't watch him brcause, yes it do get a little jealous. Especially when he is making her moan and groan. I rather for us to go do our thing with the person and share stories afterward. Am i trying to change the rules? and am i wrong for it? I asked for the newbies to answer this question, but i would also love to hear what others may have to say. Thank you all for your responses.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Some play together, some play seperate. It just all depends on what you want. There is no handbook of swinging that I am aware of. But I would make sure that your fiance and you are both comfortable with whichever you choose. Looks like you have some more talking to do...

 

Mr. Truelove

[flkeyscouple 21]

I agree with Mr. Truelove. You two have some more talking to do. There is no wrong or right.

 

I, personally, enjoy the same room rule. I can't speak for Roger but I think he enjoys it too. He says he likes to watch me, and I know I enjoy watching him with his partner. I like to listen more than watch, actually. But I know he's there and he's enjoying himself. I was surprised after the first time... because I wasn't jealous. I think we'd talked enough about all sorts of possibilities that nothing surprised me.

 

Keep talking. Whatever you two are comfortable with is what it should be. Changing the rules, when agreed upon by both parties, is not a bad thing. It's simply a 'growing' thing.

 

Sarah

[VanHlebar 187]

Hi Tia!

 

MrsVan and I have done both the seperate room and same room. Our preference is for same room play for many many reasons. We won't do seperate room with just any couple. This only occurs once we feel comfortable with them as a couple for various reasons, but safety is one of my largest ones.

 

I do agree with you that the times we have done seperate rooms I have been able to relax more and just go. For me, I think this has more to do with I am not paying attention to MrsVan than it does that I am uncomfortable with being with another woman in front of her.

 

Both options offer some appeal to us and well we just kind of go with the flow with things. As others have already said, there is no hand book. You just need to talk and communicate your preference to your SO and explain why you have those preferences and see where things go.

 

Have Fun!

 

-Van

[iapr 24]

If noone ever changed the rules or altered their behaviours after learning more and gaining more experience we would still be living in caves and catching mice for breakfast. Now that you have been experiencing different things it may be time for some long talks. What is key is not that you are feeling a certain way or that your preferences may be changing but rather that you two are able to reconcile the changes and be able to come to understandings and agreements. The time to do this is long before you are in a situation that calls for a decision to made and not to try and change any rules in the heat of the moment.

[couplewanting50 65]

This is a simple poll. Do you prefer same room play or separate room play? Let's say that playing alone is lumped in with separate room play. This is not really a poll for singles, it is for couples.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

You might need a third option for the poll. It doesn't matter.

 

We prefer both.

[CB_n_Red 16]

We prefer both.

 

Same here!

 

CB

[fun4Ds 1,097]

straight up, we prefer same room.we wouldn't have it any other way.we are just to excited about each other.

 

honestly,we were talking about this yesterday.i doubt things will ever change.

 

mr.fun

[Spoomonkey 420]

i doubt things will ever change.

 

Same here.

 

We've tried some "playing separate" scenarios in the past and may again in the future, but those are very rare (I can count them on my thumbs, in fact) - and usually specific to a certain fantasy - and it has only occurred with friends we've played with together.

 

Spoomonkey

[couplewanting50 65]

You might need a third option for the poll. It doesn't matter.

 

We prefer both.

 

I wanted to add a third possibility: Both alternatives are equally acceptable.

 

But, it would not let me edit the poll. I don't see why. vBulletin supports that possibility.

[TNT 1,155]

I wanted to add a third possibility: Both alternatives are equally acceptable.

 

But, it would not let me edit the poll. I don't see why. vBulletin supports that possibility.

 

Only the Admin/Mod can change polls once they are posted.

 

 

Teresa

[sexcupid 809]

I answered either is acceptable...if the opportunity for same room is there and all is cool, we'll take it. But our first preference is separate room if possible. I am too easily distracted by others around me to be able to get to an orgasm (even if I'm playing with my SO), so if that's on the other male's agenda, then we better find a bit of privacy. If it's not, let's go. lol

 

Maria

[WesternSwing 504]

For us "Both alternatives are equally acceptable". We are very comfortable with both. For myself, I feel my partner gets more attention from me when we do separate room play because I am a total voyeur and get distracted easy by others (mainly Mrs. WS being the porn star she is ) in the room.

 

Mr. WS

[socolais 696]

This is always an active topic around here and I have a hard time understanding why folks would have such a strong preference either way (we consider it a "red flag" if they want it only one way). When we were making our initial list of rules and boundaries, we both felt either way had something good about it and specifically wanted to try both flavors. Our first lifestyle encounter started as separate room and later she and her playmates climbed in bed with us - Hot diggity damn!!!!

 

I get a really cool sexual charge out of glancing over at my wife with her playmate(s) and exchanging smiles and winks - if we're close enough, we'll hold hands or kiss each other while we're boinking our playmates. Sometimes, I'll massage her foot because that's all I can reach at the moment (she knows my touch and it adds something special to the encounter). The intensity of the sensations is a total WOW!!! I think that's what group sex is all about.

 

On the other hand, separate rooms means I get to concentrate on my playmate while I imagine her moaning and groaning in overwhelming pleasure. When my wife and I get back together, I see that look of satisfaction in her eyes and her glowing rosy cheeks - it instantly recharges my batteries and makes me want to go again - with her. So maybe the best part of separate room play is getting back with her after a round of play and sharing a bottle of water. I can tell by the way she looks at me that she's had fun.

 

So I guess I have a slight preference toward same room, and within reach. But I have a stronger preference for variety.

 

We still want to arrange separate locations, connected by cell phones in speaker mode (maybe web cams).

[couplewanting50 65]

This is always an active topic around here and I have a hard time understanding why folks would have such a strong preference either way (we consider it a "red flag" if they want it only one way). When we were making our initial list of rules and boundaries, we both felt either way had something good about it and specifically wanted to try both flavors. Our first lifestyle encounter started as separate room and later she and her playmates climbed in bed with us - Hot diggity damn!!!!

 

I get a really cool sexual charge out of glancing over at my wife with her playmate(s) and exchanging smiles and winks - if we're close enough, we'll hold hands or kiss each other while we're boinking our playmates. Sometimes, I'll massage her foot because that's all I can reach at the moment (she knows my touch and it adds something special to the encounter). The intensity of the sensations is a total WOW!!! I think that's what group sex is all about.

 

On the other hand, separate rooms means I get to concentrate on my playmate while I imagine her moaning and groaning in overwhelming pleasure. When my wife and I get back together, I see that look of satisfaction in her eyes and her glowing rosy cheeks - it instantly recharges my batteries and makes me want to go again - with her. So maybe the best part of separate room play is getting back with her after a round of play and sharing a bottle of water. I can tell by the way she looks at me that she's had fun.

 

So I guess I have a slight preference toward same room, and within reach. But I have a stronger preference for variety.

 

We still want to arrange separate locations, connected by cell phones in speaker mode (maybe web cams).

 

 

 

I would think that someone believing that someone else's preference was a red flag would be a red flag.....

[socolais 696]

I would think that someone believing that someone else's preference was a red flag would be a red flag.....

 

 

LOL!!! yeah, I love irony too..........

[gatorvol64 216]

We prefer same room. We've actually only done separate rooms with the one couple we have a poly like relationship with. Even then, it is still same room the majority of the time. And sometimes we all pile into the same bed. Has to be a big one though.

 

Vol

[Spoomonkey 420]

I would think that someone believing that someone else's preference was a red flag would be a red flag.....

 

 

I don't know why it would be a red flag, but I suppose everyone has their reasons for feeling the way that they do...

 

 

Spoomonkey

[Tia Vampire 167]

Right now we are same room, but we have been talking about being able to go off on our own. It's so hard finding attractiveness between 4 people with the same interstes.

[couplewanting50 65]

Right now we are same room, but we have been talking about being able to go off on our own. It's so hard finding attractiveness between 4 people with the same interests.

 

As it happened, our first separate room play was with a couple, and each of us found the other person appealing. It was wonderful. Having said that, we would agree with your assertion above.

[undercovercpl 29]

Doesn't matter to us really

[ShellyM 0]

This is a simple poll. Do you prefer same room play or separate room play? Let's say that playing alone is lumped in with separate room play. This is not really a poll for singles, it is for couples.

 

We are absolutely comfortable with both same and separate room play.

If you ask me my preference it is separate room play. But again, I am as comfortable with same as I am with separate.

[starryeyes 23]

We prefer the same room..... sometimes it can be over stimulating, but thats half the fun!

[sc4play 17]

We normally play in same room,but a few times when at a house party we have been in seperate room's,we like watching each other playing

[Dagney 78]

I voted for separate. I like both, but Hank prefers separate because he likes to focus on the woman he is with and can relax. Sometimes he gets performance anxiety when he's in the same room with another man, because he starts comparing himself to the other guy. He actually gets off more hearing me moan from the other room and wondering what is going on (knowing of course that later he will get all of the details).

[Fantasy01 11]

We both prefer the same room...reason we get very excited and horny watching the other have sex and orgasms...

[Chris&Amelia 253]

We've done both, but we prefer same room. The dynamics of a foursome are awesome.

[JaneyandBen 31]

We prefer same room fun as we're new to the swinging scene and prefer it that way. If the situation ever came across where we both wanted seperate room fun and everybody was ok with it then it would be a different situation. But we've decided to take things slow and learn our limits together.

[lustylearning 705]

We have found that with new friends, same room is an absolute must, but with those we know well and really trust, separate room can be an energizing twist.

[tittietwister 126]

Separate room is the very strong preference here (red alert!).

 

Like another mentioned, there is the anxiety of equipment comparison and then the distraction element. How people can have sex while doing this and that, having conversations with others in the room, etc. is beyond me.

[couplewanting50 65]

Separate room is the very strong preference here (red alert!).How people can have sex while doing this and that, having conversations with others in the room, etc. is beyond me.

 

I agree totally.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Separate room is the very strong preference here (red alert!). Like another mentioned, there is the anxiety of equipment comparison and then the distraction element. How people can have sex while doing this and that, having conversations with others in the room, etc. is beyond me.

 

I think you're misinterpreting (or maybe we are). When we see "Same Room or Separate Room?", we're viewing the question as do you prefer to be in the same room with your spouse and his/her playmate (i.e. 4 people in the room at once) or are you and your playmate in one room while your spouse and his/her playmate are in another room (2 people in the room at once)? Not so much a "group" or "open" playroom.

[couplewanting50 65]

I think you're misinterpreting (or maybe we are). When we see "Same Room or Separate Room?", we're viewing the question as do you prefer to be in the same room with your spouse and his/her playmate (i.e. 4 people in the room at once) or are you and your playmate in one room while your spouse and his/her playmate are in another room (2 people in the room at once)? Not so much a "group" or "open" playroom.

 

You are correct. Those are the alternatives I imagined as I started the thread.

 

A group room offers the mega-version of the disadvantages of same room play. To the max.

[sweet_tna 680]

While we haven't tried separate room play yet, we're not opposed to it with the right couple. Though we do enjoy seeing each other pleasing and being pleased by each other's play partners.

 

=)

[lustylearning 705]

Separate room is the very strong preference here (red alert!).

 

Like another mentioned, there is the anxiety of equipment comparison and then the distraction element. How people can have sex while doing this and that, having conversations with others in the room, etc. is beyond me.

 

That is a definite advantage to separate room - no distractions, comparisons, sometimes just greater relaxation - but honestly, I'm glad we started with same room. I was forced to learn how to ignore a lot of that. Only wish that I could go back and redo some of those earlier distracted experiences::P:

[cocpl2007 170]

We are a same room couple! It seems that we enjoy the eroticism of all four of us... deeply involved in the action.

[couplewanting50 65]

That is a definite advantage to separate room - no distractions, comparisons, sometimes just greater relaxation - but honestly, I'm glad we started with same room. I was forced to learn how to ignore a lot of that. Only wish that I could go back and redo some of those earlier distracted experiences::P:

 

We went to the group room at the last club dance. There were a lot of people in there. I like the erotic sounds the women make as they are aroused and responsive and play. But, then.... some nitwit turned on the light a couple of times to find something, saying, “OK, going to turn on the light now!”, doing that three times. They also had a radio playing, of all things. I finally got up and turned it off.

 

I was so distracted and irritated that I did not get hard with my own lady, then, we got asked to play with another couple, one of the host couples. We have been acquainted with them for quite a while, but never really played with them, although we have wanted to.

 

I regret to say that due to the radio and lights and some chatter, my mind remained locked on John Tesh and his intelligence for living monologue. I was totally distracted and out of the mood. Consequently I did not get hard.

 

I admit that I need more practice in a group setting like that, but there needs to be no radio. Music, perhaps, mood music, is a possibility, but not radio, with commercials, jingles, voices, and so on.

 

That is why we came to really love separate room play. Just each of us with our new partner. Having said that, I would like to learn how to be better in the group room, as I think there is a lot of fun to be had there.

 

So.....how did you learn to deal with all of that? I would like to have some ideas, if you would share some.

[lustylearning 705]

Whoa - lights and jingles:eek: - I feel your pain. I guess when we first started, we were fortunate enough to meet people who used dim lighting and low, lyric-free music - no tv, no hotel lamps... It sounds like you were with folks who have been "been there, done that" long enough that they've become immune to environment. A suggestion - set up the room in the sexiest way you know and invite your friends to come to you.

[tn_softswing2 59]

Male prefers same room because he likes to watch wife being pleasured. Wife prefers different rooms because it makes her feel more at ease.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We have come a long way since first posting this thread. We are now both. Same room for people we do not know that well and seperate rooms for those couples or singles that we feel comfortable with.

[Viagra Enhanced 15]

Gee, sometimes same room works great especially with new couples in foursomes.

Then again there is nothing more fun then the group thing, at a full scale party.

But all in all I like the seperate rooms when it's intimacy to the max.

[shy_tn_gal 15]

We prefer same room only - for the simple reason that we enjoy watching each other. Not to the point of not paying attention to your partner - but little looks, touches, glances - and hearing. That's just our thing.

[jjtrindc 142]

We are absolutely a same room couple. For us half the fun is being able to watch and play with each other as well as the other couple.

[toycple 19]

We have play same room and seperate room, so either is fine with us. I think we have a slight preferrence to seperate rooms for a couple of reasons. First in same room we have generally been on the same bed and it gets real crowded. Second, when your in seperate rooms I find it is easier to concentrate on your play buddy, but it all varies with different scenarios.

[JustMrsJ 15]

When we started the lifestyle, I wanted to be in the same room with my husband but since we have been in the lifestyle for a bit I accept both.

[Islamorada 17]

We vary on this issue. I honestly do not care; I enjoy both. DH says he prefers same room because he wants to see, hear, and sometimes be able to touch me. I like same room for the same reasons. However; when we have done spererate room, there is something I like about going behind a closed door...then we get to tell each other all about it later and that usually lead to a really HOT encounter for us.

[PB&J 1,086]

We vary on this issue. I honestly do not care; I enjoy both. DH says he prefers same room because he wants to see, hear, and sometimes be able to touch me. I like same room for the same reasons. However; when we have done spererate room, there is something I like about going behind a closed door...then we get to tell each other all about it later and that usually lead to a really HOT encounter for us.

 

Ditto for us!! Right down to it's my husband who has a preference for same room. Separate room (usually at house parties) can be so intense, and meeting up afterwards is such a turn-on. He also likes to hear me screaming (in a good way) from behind that closed door.

[spamcatcher 36]

We've done both, but much prefer same-room play. We like to see what's going on and to be watched, ourselves.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Bumping this question up. Do you prefer same room or separate room playing and why?