The other male: Did he have a secret agenda?

[petdenneedsmore 15]

I am the male of a couple. I have stared this new post as I have some questions. Things had been going along nicely again for us until Saturday. We had met a few weeks prior with a new couple and we all got along well and agreed to meet and play. At the initial meeting the topic of female squirting came up, and it became clear the woman had learnt to squirt, and was proud of it. That was great because we had also been looking in to that subject, but with no success. We all did talk around the table about this topic, but not in detail. We did not make any plans to try this out in the future when we got together, and the subject ended during the course of our meeting.

 

On the night of our get together the lady had her monthly but still wanted to soft play and we all agreed that’s we would do (no full intercourse swap). So the evening was spent just playing and chatting. I noticed a couple of times though, that the male was really working my wife’s pussy hard and finger fucking her very, very hard………..to the point that she had obviously become very wet (that sound a pussy/hand makes when being wet fucked this way!). I did not think anything apart from, that she was having a good time, is very wet, and he is very keen on my wife’s pussy! (Remember I could not play with his lady’s pussy due to her monthly and I respected that)

 

Now here are the punch lines, so to speak. At the end of the night I left the room to get a drink and go the bathroom. I thought that the sexual part of the evening had ended. I was away for about four minutes. I soon could hear again him going hard out finger fucking my wife ( yet again ) and could hear that sound again………….I then returned to the room, and found a scene that was quite different from when I had left.

 

Whilst I was away, the positions had moved and my wife was now lying back, propped up on pillows with her legs wide apart and he had just worked her hard to the point where she had finally squirted (gushed) and soaked the bed. She also had one of those g-spot orgasms just as I arrived back in the room. Both the lady and the man were right over my wife. There were lots of wows, aahhs, awesomes, well dones, all around etc from this couple towards my wife (and groans and moans from my wife. That was her first gush ever, and her first orgasm on the night too!).

 

My wife seemed a little surprised though and I could tell she was uneasy about what had just happened. (She later told me she did not know I was not in the room either).

 

It then hit me what had happened. He had been working this all night with her and he had just achieved his goal for the night. That was very clear now by his comments and actions. He wanted to get her to squirt! I had some very mixed feelings as follows.

 

It was great she came and awesome she had finally squirted, but I felt I had been excluded somewhat! I would have really liked to have been there and a part of that!

 

Why did the couple do that when I was not there? Why did they not wait? Why did they not ask first of us at all? Why did he say nothing all night as to his plan with her? How did she get in that position? (She can not remember moving by the way). Why did she not realize what was going on all night? (Again she says that she had no idea what he was doing during the evening and at the time she squirted she still did not realize that either!) Did he have as a matter of right the approval to do anything he wanted with my wife because we were swinging, even though we had not actually said so?

 

As I said, I now know he had spent quite a bit of time during the evening working towards his goal. I did not realize this on the night! He had been applying various techniques to make that happen. My wife explained the details to me afterwards and yes I know that he was deliberately intent on getting her to squirt. So why would I be unhappy about all of this. Well here is my questions and I would appreciate some comments. You are thinking perhaps I should get over it. But having my wife squirt for the first time ever with strangers and being totally excluded from it has me asking.

 

Should this couple (and the man in particular) told us of his intent and asked us first?

 

Should he have gone for gold when he knew I was out of the room? (and he DID know)

 

Should he have involved us and spent time teaching us instead of just going ahead on his own (remember from our initial meeting he was aware of our interest in the topic)?

 

If you say that he did not have to talk to us and ask first, then why?? Surely in this lifestyle communication and involvement is the key………..”May I try to get you to squirt this evening” would have been a good starting point instead of saying nothing!!

 

Ladies, my wife has told me she had no idea that he was trying to get her to squirt and she did not know she had either, until they were telling her after she came etc! Is that possible?

 

So do you think she would have known and is covering or is it possible to be naive here? (Considering we have tried the SAME technique before and have read articles!)

 

Thanks everyone for your time in reading this and your thoughts are appreciated. I know there will be comments with differing views here either way and I am curious..

[couplewanting50 65]

If it is your view that this man was trying to get her to squirt, then, OK, isn't that great?

 

I am thinking you are making way too much of this. Your wife had a nice time, you just happened to be gone when she had her orgasm. It may not be realistic to get her to schedule her sexual responses around your activities.

 

Just be happy that she had a very nice time. There is no reason for you to be upset.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I can see both sides of this. On one side I agree with couplewanting that you may be making a bit too much of this.

 

on the other side, I do get your point and agree that most likely his goal was to get her to squirt. That said, i don't know that he was deliberately trying to leave you out of it. I think that probably since you had all talked about it before hand he may have assumed it was ok and that you wanted it to happen and he may have just not THOUGHT about the idea of trying to teach you how to make it happen rather than just making it happen.

 

It might just be that they really like you guys and were trying to impress you by making your wife squirt, not even thinking that this might "offend" you in any way.

 

If anything I would think yo would have been annoyed earlier on that the was going further with your wife than you were able to go with his. In his way of thinking if you hadn't been bothered earlier in the night then why be bothered now?

 

I think most likely you just feel left out and rightfully so. But at this point there is nothing you can do except move on. You can either choose to stay mad at them and not see them again. or you can let them know that you felt left out and that you would like to know how to make your wife squirt and ask them to teach you how. Remember, as you said, this lifestyle is about communication.

[Lovethenights 35]

Very interesting story, with some still unanswered questions. I agree that given all of the heavy petting that had gone on during the evening with the other man's fingers working your wife's personal anatomy over, that might have been when he'd have expected you (or her) to draw things to some conclusion if neither of you actually planned or wanted your wife to have an orgasm. Your wife's clouded memory of the evening also begs a question about whether she may have been more than a little encouraging to him to keep doing something to her that obviously felt awfully good to her. If your wife has any inhibitions about not having an orgasm unless you can have one too, or had any inhibitions whatsoever about you watching her getting such adroit and pleasing internal sexual attention, then when you left the room, your absence may have caused her or allowed her to have what sounds like one of the most explosive and shattering orgasms of her life. She may not even have intended to until you returned to the room but may have been swept away on a tide she couldn't control.

 

True, from your point of view that situation is a little disappointing, as I know you'd have preferred her to have that convulsion of sexual release with you beside her and able to share it with her. On the other hand, your wife had a great orgasm, you got to experience the excitement and eroticism of seeing and hearing her getting manually stimulated inside of her body all evening, and nothing that was said between you and the other couple makes it sound like you guys won't have many many great times together in the future, during which, if your wife is really lucky, she'll have the same kind of orgasms over and over and you'll get to indulge yourself with his obviously exciting wife. Make the best of the situation, not the worst. I am jealous of you and would love to introduce my wife to your friends!!!

[BiloxiCouple 695]

The other guy had a particular talent. Ya'll talked about it. He demonstrated it, whether you realized it or not. You assumed the play time was over and I assume didn't tell the wife. The guy continued and completed his talent with positive results. You didn't get to witness the finale and missed out on it.

 

Now your wife knows how to squirt. You may know how to help. It's sex. If the guy had another particular talent, would you still be concerned? Alot of people have particular talents.

 

Ya'll have to communicate all the time. If you assume something, it may not go the way you assumed.

 

Sometimes a squirt is just a squirt. Let her enjoy it. Be happy, she learned something new about her body.

[JTcamp05 9]

So your wife had a good time...... Sounds like it was a good night for all!

[sexcupid 809]

I am copying my reply from your other thread where you presented this yesterday. Julie, please feel free to smack me down if this is not allowed.

 

1. We all generally have sex the same way with our various partners. We kind of 'store up' what has worked for us before...you try that on someone and if it doesn't get the reaction you normally get, then you start 'tweaking' your actions...suck a little harder, touch a little lighter, etc. You can not 'accuse' the other husband of nefarious intent when he's basically just doing what he normally does. Some women just can't squirt...some can...some can and have never been stimulated enough to do so. There is a guy here that I have heard stories about...basically he is very good at getting women to do that, even if they never have before. It's just one of his talents apparently.

 

2. I have had maybe 1 major gushing session while I have been with my boyfriend...and I wasn't 'aware' that was the reaction he was going to cause. He regularly plays with/hits my gspot during sex and it was not a concious reaction. As a matter of fact, if you are hesitant to do it (scared you'll mess up the sheets, or that your partner will be turned off by it), I'm sure it is a sensation that can be stopped (kind of like a man thinking non-sexy thoughts to put off his orgasm or something of the like).

 

The night it happened, I was not exceptionally worked up when it happened. I just happened to be relaxed enough and at a good angle for him to continually hit the spot on every stroke in, that it happened.

 

3. Obviously your wife was consenting, so stop pouting. I don't mean that to sound ugly...but seriously, read what you have written. What precisely did you do when you came back to the room to see that this had happened? Even if she's there in an amazing afterglow, seeing you come back to the room with a thundercloud hanging over your head probably snapped her right out of it. You said she was 'strangely quiet'...she probably saw that you were ready to burst open and may not have wanted to say anything to set you off.

 

Your wife has a good time, with someone that has a different skill set than you do, and you are getting bent about it. I agree with other posters that maybe you need to do separate room play, but even then if your wife would have come back after playtime was over and told you she soaked the sheets...would you have come unhinged? Just ask the guy for some pointers or if you have the general idea of what he did...then practice on your wife and it will eventually happen.

 

Basically I know that if I have an earthshattering orgasm or 5 with a play partner, and my boyfriend knows I had a good time...I know he's going to be happy I had fun. There will be no "Well you've never done that for me" kind of thing being thrown in my face.

 

On the flip side, if I've asked you to do something specific (tie me up, or a certain position or whatever)...and you don't/won't/can't/don't do it often enough even when I ask you specifically to do it during playtime....but you are all gung ho to do it with a swing partner...THEN I have a problem.

 

Also, if you are concentrating on your partner (like a good swing partner should), it may be hard to have a running commentary or conversation...or even a coherent thought. My best example of this: Our first time out, we had a condom break. What does my SO do? Stop play? No, rips the condom off and keeps on going. A few min later, my partner walked past the room where they were and saw it laying on the floor. We quickly called play to an end....I held my composure until we got home. I have repeatedly asked him wtf was he thinking to just take it off and continue when that is basically our cardinal rule (no condom no play). Guess he figured if he had caught anything the damage was done there....but he wasn't 'concious' enough to realize that he made a major fuck up until I called to him from the next room (and then apparently some of the blood from his dick made it back to his secondary brain so he could 'think' again) and asked him why he wasn't wearing a condom. I posted about it on here...and I'm sure at the time the post was made I was a little more hysterical than I am now. lol

 

You may want to re-evaluate whether swinging is a good thing for you as a couple.

 

Maria

[Guest thvp07]

How bout trying this site so the Mrs. can learn how to do it?

I have read it and it seems a good thing to practice.. ?

 

I have never been able to squirt, despite reading the article and applying techniques, lol.... But it might be fun for you guys to experiment with?

 

https://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/howto/female-ejaculate

[twohots4u2 188]

You said, "soft play and we all agreed that’s we would do (no full intercourse swap)." So, what happened that was not within that agreement? Since the answer is obviously, "No," what are you upset about? Fingering someone to an orgasm and making her squirt is absolutely not full intercourse. You went to the bathroom and your wife reached the level where she squirted while you were gone. What should she do, have them wait while you peed?

 

Your adverse reaction when you returned to the room must have been very obvious. What a way to bring your wife down from her high.

 

The bottom line seems to be that you do not seem ready to swing, soft or full.

[redeye69 8]

May be you were giving off vibes and they couldn't relax and achieve there goal until you left the room, personally i would be happy for someone to pleasure my wife and open her up to new sexual heights in ways that i can't then i would practice them my self

[Miss_Piggy 98]

I can see your reasons for feeling left out and perhaps a little threatened. However, I'd strongly urge against getting too worked up about it. You'd be perfectly within your rights to say that you didn't want to play with that particular couple again, if you really believe that they were intentionally trying to exclude you. Or, you may decide that you want to keep playing with them in order to learn their "tricks." Whatever you choose to do, try not to get too upset about it. The only person who is going to hear those upset feelings is your wife. Chances are she's already feeling a little weirded out about you not being included in the big event. If you get too angry you push yourself even further away. This is a time to talk to her about what the experience was like. Ask her if she can teach you how you can help her get there again. And do make sure to keep the pressure to "get it right" as low as possible. Just enjoy the process. Even if it takes you a year to figure it out... or more... you want to agree to have fun practicing.

 

Just don't let this come between you and your wife. Dwelling on the other guy's "secret agenda" really has the potential to do that.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

If she hasn't already, show the wife this thread.

 

It should help her get inside your thinking and the advice may help also.

[TNT 1,155]

We once had a situation very similar to your's.

 

A. The similarities...We were with a single male who was young, hot-bodied and well-hung. I was taking a break while he was working his magic on Teresa. I heard her scream "What was that"? It turned out that he had given her her first squirting orgasm.

 

B. The differences...Instead of feeling left out or jealous that he had given her something I never had, I demanded to be shown how to do it and we proceeded to wear her out, again and again

 

Conclusion: There is no reason to feel hurt. Sometimes the timing is right or the other may know a trick or skill that you don't. It's just an opportunity to learn something new. Enjoy the pleasure that your partner is getting.

 

 

Ted

[TNT 1,155]

we proceeded to wear her out, again and again

 

Ted

 

Hmmm, nothing like being used as a human guinea pig

 

Why did the couple do that when I was not there? Why did they not wait? Why did they not ask first of us at all? Why did he say nothing all night as to his plan with her? How did she get in that position? (She can not remember moving by the way). Why did she not realize what was going on all night? (Again she says that she had no idea what he was doing during the evening and at the time she squirted she still did not realize that either!)

 

Not sure that any of us can answer those questions.

 

Did he have as a matter of right the approval to do anything he wanted with my wife because we were swinging, even though we had not actually said so?

 

Did either of you say "no" at anytime during the playing? Unless there has been a specific "No, don't do this or that" how is anyone suppose to know what is off limits and what isn't? No one is a mind reader.

 

Should this couple (and the man in particular) told us of his intent and asked us first?

 

Maybe, maybe not...I'm not sure that he had a particular intent unless it was to make sure your wife had a good time and isn't that what we're involved in swinging for?

 

Should he have gone for gold when he knew I was out of the room? (and he DID know)

 

Trust me...if the timing had not been just right, it wouldn't have happened whether you were there or not.

 

Should he have involved us and spent time teaching us instead of just going ahead on his own (remember from our initial meeting he was aware of our interest in the topic)?

 

Did you ask him to teach you?

 

If you say that he did not have to talk to us and ask first, then why?? Surely in this lifestyle communication and involvement is the key………..”May I try to get you to squirt this evening” would have been a good starting point instead of saying nothing!!

 

"Why" questions really can only be answered by those who caused the question to be asked.

 

Ladies, my wife has told me she had no idea that he was trying to get her to squirt and she did not know she had either, until they were telling her after she came etc! Is that possible?

 

So do you think she would have known and is covering or is it possible to be naive here? (Considering we have tried the SAME technique before and have read articles!)

 

As far as your wife not knowing that the man was "trying" to get her to squirt...yes it's possible.

 

Not knowing that she had... also possible.

 

My guess is that your wife felt a very intense feeling that she had never experienced before...it felt good and she was probably just enjoying it to the point of not realizing what was happening...she was in the moment.

 

As you journey through swinging there are going to be times that you will "miss out" on being there when something new happens. What you have to decide is if you're going to let those times have a positive or negative impact. Right now you are letting it have a negative impact...stop the blaming, whining, pouting game and be happy for your wife and her new experience.

 

Play together and learn how to recreate the experience. Squirting for the first time is great but...once you learn how to make it a reoccurring experience it only gets better.

 

 

Teresa

[HarryP11 15]

My first impression is that since the topic was already discussed with you and your wife showing an interest in squirting, it should have been no surprise that it was a goal of the other man and his wife. I think it unfortunate that your timing with using the bathroom missed most of your wife's performance, but that she achieved her first squirt is bottom line the highlight of the experience. You and your wife should be joyous and grateful that the other couple aided you both in accomplishing it at all, instead of being somewhat petty in seeking permission or waiting. Don't make such a big deal that you missed it. You can experience it all next time. Frankly you wife should be thrilled and fine with it all. I'd be grateful and let it go. Invite that couple to join you again and move on.

[ShellyM 0]

OP, I can see both sides in this situation. Ummmm, I read all of your post. I feel that if you feel you have a right to be concerned than definitely it is a valid concern. I am also going to have Jay read this later to get another opinion. Well. Your wife had never squirted, and I think you are hurt over the idea that another man caused her to do this the first time. I think that any man would be hurt to some point over something like this. Its natural. In truth I read the post, and I don't honestly think that the other husband had a hidden agenda....I think he got into a sexual zone as we call it and zeroed in on bringing your wife to orgasm. I don't know that they did anything because you left the room. When a man finds a woman's buttons he tends to go with it....and had I been the other wife watching something that intense would have turned me on too.

 

Now, do you have a right to be upset? If you are upset you DO have that right. Please do not get after your wife....this will cause her to clam up in the future, and she'll never relax with another man. I don't think your wife had anything to do if anything wrong was done...she was just enjoying herself. So you applying any guilt will only stop the progress. I would send the other couple a very friendly, non-threatening email. Just mention that in the future you would like to be present...perhaps it should be all play or no play. This is what happens, someone feels left out.

 

Take care, relax and have fun.

Shelly

[nubianzlust 15]

I'm glad I already know how to make my wife squirt but that was by accident and I was the who ended up with a pearl necklace lol:facelick: but conversation shouldve been the key here. Once the other woman said she has learned how to squirt then next once they got there is ask how is it done so you can know what to do but you leaving the room to get a drink and missed out on that moment then sorry a womans body will not holdback until you finish getting your drink. You couldve stayed and asked questions to the couples as to how it is done and does he plan on trying it on your wife(my wife and I are very protective of each other), its best ot get everything out into the open about what is going to happen tonight because some people may try to spring something on you that you may not approve of like anal sex. I cannot even get the head in so if I'm not getting and enjoying anal from my own wife then no else is:lol: Conversations and rules should explained before getting down with the get down so situations like this can be avoided.

[2chase3 25]

This is exactly why I feel friendship is the first key to a happy lifestyle. I feel some push toward sex to fast without knowing each others expectations or limits. and why? Are they moving? and if so I am sure we could pan a trip. possibly to much was left up in the air?

But I do agree with pet. Giving the situation Im sure it was metioned your wife had not "squirted."

 

Knowing this, If i were the other male And the intentions were to make her squirt, I would not tried to axhieve this without her husband present. If he had the skill in order to make her squirt he could have easily delayed until you had returned.

 

my advice is to first dicuss this with your wife truthfully,let her know how you feel about the situation, let her know the idea excites you but you felt left out.

 

bring the issue to light with the other male "privately"his reaction will give you a strong indication of where the motives were.

[ShellyM 0]

Chase, I see your point. But I don't know that he did anything intentionally to be honest. I think that people get into a sexual "zone"...or this is how it has been described to me in the past. Should he have waited? Mmmmm, its a hard call to say. Yes, perhaps. However, can she hold back an orgasm? What if he would have been giving her oral and she would have squirted, was he supposed to hold back on that too while her hubby went to get a beer? Its a very fine line and hard call. And I know as a woman, if you stop the train usually you'll jump the track and won't get it back lol.

 

I think that if the hubby makes a huge issue out of this nothing good can happen on the part of the wife. Perhaps I'm absolutely wrong in this, and I may be. But I know for me, if Jay were very upset over my squirting or orgasming with another man when he was off getting a drink it would cause me to feel guilt over "allowing" this to happen....this would then cause me to not be able to relax anymore when Jay was present. I would not be able but be thinking "is he mad, is he upset, I have to make sure he is here if I cum", and this would essentially ruin things for me.

 

Rules are a good thing, we all have some to some extent...however, in my opinion when the rules inhibit my ability to have pleasure...why am I here? Again, just my opinion. If its an issue I do not see any harm in talking politely with the hubby. I'm just saying weigh everything before going full barrel on someone. Tact is a good thing. AND if you want to be there when your wife orgasms make sure you have your drinks in the room there with you so you don't have to leave. JMO

[couplewanting50 65]

ShellyM said:

I think that people get into a sexual "zone"...or this is how it has been described to me in the past. However, can she hold back an orgasm?

 

What if he would have been giving her oral and she would have squirted, was he supposed to hold back on that too while her hubby went to get a beer? Its a very fine line and hard call.

 

And I know as a woman, if you stop the train usually you'll jump the track and won't get it back lol.

 

I think that if the hubby makes a huge issue out of this nothing good can happen on the part of the wife.

 

I know for me, if Jay were very upset over my squirting or orgasming with another man when he was off getting a drink it would cause me to feel guilt over "allowing" this to happen....this would then cause me to not be able to relax anymore when Jay was present.

 

I would not be able. but be thinking "is he mad, is he upset, I have to make sure he is here if I cum", and this would essentially ruin things for me.

 

Rules are a good thing, we all have some to some extent...however, in my opinion when the rules inhibit my ability to have pleasure...why am I here?

 

....if you want to be there when your wife orgasms make sure you have your drinks in the room there with you so you don't have to leave.

 

+1 to all of that...

 

and your stopping the train analogy applies to men, too.

[wolfnblu 15]

petdenneedsmore said:

Should this couple (and the man in particular) told us of his intent and asked us first?

 

Should he have gone for gold when he knew I was out of the room? (and he DID know)

 

Should he have involved us and spent time teaching us instead of just going ahead on his own (remember from our initial meeting he was aware of our interest in the topic)?

 

What are you going to do if someone comes in here and says, "yes, he should have done all of those things." How does it change anything to have your hurt, left out feelings validated by someone else? It doesn't.

 

I can understand your feelings. But I do think, if you plan to continue swinging, that you should work them out and get over it. Your wife may experience lots of things with a different partner than she ever has with you, unless you have some kind of rule that says, "don't ever do anything with someone else unless you've done it with me first." That's part of the fun of swinging, IMO.

[blue.freckles 15]

i thought that "squirting" was just a chick peeing on the guy, then again im super new to all of this...

 

anyway, i see where this guy is upset... i dont think he's necessarily upset that she had a great orgasm, i think that he's upset that there was a lack of communication between him and his partner...

 

in all honesty, i dont know how someone "could not remember how they got into a position", so it sounds like his partner may not be 100% truthful about letting the other dood take control while he was out of the room and i think that she enjoyed every second of it but feels guilty that her partner feels 1) cheated out of watching this occur and 2) that he knows that she wasnt telling the complete and honest truth...

 

my two cents at least

[Sico_tiko 17]

Man The man who did this is an extreme idiot he should ask you first before doing and beside that u should be there during this, Please never contact this couple again and try to corespond this scene like try to play with his wife and give her a good fuck without he is there.

[couplewanting50 65]

What are you going to do if someone comes in here and says, "yes, he should have done all of those things." How does it change anything to have your hurt, left out feelings validated by someone else? It doesn't.

 

I can understand your feelings. But I do think, if you plan to continue swinging, that you should work them out and get over it. Your wife may experience lots of things with a different partner than she ever has with you, unless you have some kind of rule that says, "don't ever do anything with someone else unless you've done it with me first." That's part of the fun of swinging, IMO.

 

That is an enormous part of the fun..... I agree.

[lovemonkey#1 48]

Honestly, I think that the other guy should have made some sort of effort to clue everyone else into what he was "planning". I'm glad that the OP's wife got to squirt and i agree that things like this happen in the lifestyle and you have to learn to get over it. What I don't like though are the assumptions people make about where limits are or how some people just don't seem to take them into consideration at all. If I was the other guy, I would have at least talked to the husband about it first. I think it's rude to just dive right in and start doing whatever I wanted to the other person's wife without verifying that it was ok with everyone first. Yes, they said some soft playing, but even so, there still has to be communication.

 

I mean, I wasn't there so I didn't see how it all went down but I based on what the OP's saying, I think the other guy overstepped his bounds a little bit. It would have made me uncomfortable too and the OP even said that his wife was somewhat uneasy about it. I'm surprised at how many people are just like "deal with it, man. as long as your wife got off you should be happy." Uum, NO... isn't swinging supposed to be about the couples and their comfort levels? It's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. I personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.

[blue.freckles 15]

lovemonkey#1 said:

It's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. I personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.

 

I agree that it was disrespectful to both the husband as well as the wife... even though she was getting finger blasted by the other guy, what if she wanted to wait to experience not only her first gush, but her first internal orgasm with her spouse?

 

I agree that if they want to stay swinging, he'll have to get over this, but it was an extremely disrespectful in my opinion.