Single male swinging safety thoughts

[curiousagain 326]

Safety is as important for us as it is for the couples. In Nashville I was explaining to someone how often times couples think a SM should, with little prior notice or contact, travel to another town and meet them, sometimes at a hotel room. Think about it. You can't tell anyone where you are going, or why, or who you are meeting. You travel maybe a couple of hundred miles, you're naked and alone and on your own and sometimes even with seasoned swingers the husband may get a little jealous, people over drink, etc. Nobody likes to talk about it but it happens. I have a friend that realized the next day his wallet had apparently been emptied by the male while he was getting busy with the female of a couple. Like couples, we need to reach a comfort level with you both before we travel there or allow you to travel to us. I can get sex here, today. I can swing in this town with friends, if not today, this week. If I'm going to travel, part of it will be because I am interested, intrigued, seeking new swing partners, have built a trust and rapport before traveling, etc. It also goes back to the time issue. I have to take part of my time off and give up a known good time for a possibly equally as good or better time before I travel. I expect to provide no less to couples that travel to me.

 

I do travel sometimes to swing and when I go I wear a set of dogtags/medic alert notice with my allergies and contact numbers in case of emergency because if I am unconcious, there is no one there who knows who to call. Sure, it's low odds of that happening, but being in the health care field, I often see previously healthy people who have their first seizure, slip and fall (hot tubs, pools, and showers can be dangerous places) or are involved in motor vehicle accidents far from their local town. If I have to have EMS pick me up, I don't want John Doe on my chart. I want my real name, medicine allergies, and the contact numbers of my personal Physician I have been seeing since I was 19 years old and my next of kin on that chart.

 

Discretion is more important to some than others. Although I don't for the most part care what others think of anything I do, my outing as a swinger would pretty much guarantee loss of my job. Presently I have many years employment in one place. I would lose seniority, about a year in off time I have built up and I presently get about 10 weeks vacation a year. That's a lot to give up. I will take calculated risks so to speak in that I still swing, but only within my comfort zone. If you have face pics on your public profile, post in forums things like "if you're afraid to tell the world you swing you shouldn't swing" then odds are my only answer to an email from you would be polite, short, firm, and mean "no". We just aren't going to be compatible in that area, I wouldn't be comfortable swinging with you, it would be a waste of your time and mine. So among all the other stars that have to align, compatibility in that area is important for feeling safe also.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not after your wife. She's a lovely person and I understand why you married her, but I don't want her for a wife, I don't want to be anybody's "side man" etc. Maybe it's a pride thing, maybe it's a survival instinct, but I have no desire to be anything other than a swing friend, playmate, friend, whatever. We've all heard the horror stories of SM and a wife running off together. It happens, but hopefully you talk to someone long enough to get a gut feeling about them before you swing with them. I say that the SM is a little like a prostitute. People don't value the sex with us as much as they do the fact that when it's done, we leave and they don't hear from us again unless they contact us. Unless you have a continuing swing/friend relationship with them, the SM only needs the Husbands cell number/email and the email that the couple uses for swinging. It's part of non physical safety and comfort.

 

Anybody else have any tips?

[ShellyM 0]

You know, its funny because I was just talking about this with a friend of mine, a SM in the lifestyle. It was funny, but if he were a woman I would have reamed his ass. He ended up driving a lady home because she was intoxicated. She lives wayyyy out in the boonies, and since it was late he really didn't know where he was. Long story short, it ended up being a disaster. Only he was there with no ride and it was a nightmare. I laughed my ass off as he was telling me because he was a dumb ass for doing such a thing, but I told him that if he were a woman I'd kill him for going to someone's home like that.

[havefuninsun 122]

Curious,

 

It's actually refreshing to read your post and know that there are SM who are as safety conscious, health conscious, and respectful as you are. We are just now talking about the possibility of playing with a single male. I hope we find someone like you.

[widowerman 55]

I’m a single male and just new to this lifestyle. And safety was the first thing that popped into my head. I really don’t think I could ever have a threesome with a guy/girl couple. I’m a straight male and I also don’t want to steal some guy’s girl. I enjoy the company of women, but I don’t want some guy to beat me up because his woman likes me. I am seriously thinking of taking some self-defense classes as a just in case precautionary measure. You know, that James Bond kind of stuff and such.

 

I am now single, a widower, and free from any and all relationships. I do like the idea of a steady partner, but that too has a major drawback – jealously, not on my part, but on hers. The swinger’s handbook says jealousy must be contained or vented into a positive fashion.

 

I sort of have a partner who invited me into this lifestyle; she is a seasoned veteran as I am just getting my feet wet. I just found out recently that as a single male in this lifestyle I can go to a local monthly party when ever I want on such the basis of being me. My gracious hostess and her man like me for me. None too shabby for a newbie.

 

My “sometimes” partner has not said it yet, but I can see it seething underneath, she does not like this at all. And there it is- the ugly green eyed monster of jealousy. I do not get jealous of my “sometimes” partner, I get annoyed as she has lied to me over these past months. Apparently after reading some posts I’ve discovered that I’m her “go to guy” when she needs a good orgasm, a good pussy lick and fuck after every disastrous party she “just has to go to.” Her “real” partner needs her as his meal ticket to all of these parties and since he has seniority, she is at his beckon and call. I was routinely told this by my “sometimes” partner on the basis that I am a “single male” as those are not allowed at these types of parties. That turned out to be a lie.

 

But like I said, I’m a single white male who can go to my local monthly party whenever I want too. All I have to do is watch my step, as well as be on guard.

 

In closing to curiousagain, when in doubt, lead with your left. As for that comment about a prostitute, I sort of think of myself as that warm-up guy for the ladies. Sooner or later if you are any good at what you do, you’ll be the “go to guy” for a lot of frustrated women. And from what I have seen, there are tons of them just waiting. As for the guys, hey, learn to be a better lover. It’s your duty as well as your privilege.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Sooner or later if you are any good at what you do, you’ll be the “go to guy” for a lot of frustrated women. And from what I have seen, there are tons of them just waiting. As for the guys, hey, learn to be a better lover. It’s your duty as well as your privilege.

"Tons of frustrated women?"

 

I think curiousagain could teach you something more about swinging that you need to know.

 

If your mark for swinging women is the frustrated ones, you better be ready for some rough times ahead. There are many of us who aren't frustrated and we can spot guys who think they are doing us a favor by making themselves available to us.

 

And your attitude that the other guys need to learn to be better lovers isn't going to sit well with them either.

 

LM

[Spoomonkey 421]

If your mark for swinging women is the frustrated ones, you better be ready for some rough times ahead. There are many of us who aren't frustrated and we can spot guys who think they are doing us a favor by making themselves available to us.

 

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

 

Here, here!

 

Spoomonkey (feeling a wee bit justified for my statements about single men is another thread)

[Chicup 41]

Anybody else have any tips?

 

Tips on what, I didn't really follow what you were asking.

[des1re06 200]

Curiousagain, I agree with everything you have to say, and do be careful out there. I will always stand by my belief that it's best to get to know who you're playing with rather than the quickie one night stand. Just my gut feeling on this.

 

Good luck and have fun!

 

Mrs. D

[good times 991]

I’m a single male and just new to this lifestyle. And safety was the first thing that popped into my head. I really don’t think I could ever have a threesome with a guy/girl couple. I’m a straight male and I also don’t want to steal some guy’s girl. I enjoy the company of women, but I don’t want some guy to beat me up because his woman likes me.

Stick around here a read a bit widowerman. What you will find out is that, having a threesome with a guy/girl almost never involves any homosexual activity and usually both guys are straight, and there is almost zero chance that you will steal some guy's girl. If the woman you are playing with has a male partner that she loves, the only way she is going to "like" you is as a friend and occasional playmate. If you think it is going to go beyond that, you have a lot yet to learn.

 

Sooner or later if you are any good at what you do, you’ll be the “go to guy” for a lot of frustrated women. And from what I have seen, there are tons of them just waiting. As for the guys, hey, learn to be a better lover. It’s your duty as well as your privilege.

"Tons of frustrated women?"

 

I think curiousagain could teach you something more about swinging that you need to know.

 

If your mark for swinging women is the frustrated ones, you better be ready for some rough times ahead. There are many of us who aren't frustrated and we can spot guys who think they are doing us a favor by making themselves available to us.

 

And your attitude that the other guys need to learn to be better lovers isn't going to sit well with them either.

 

LM

What she said, I agree with LM.

 

Additionally, I have met a lot of swinging couples, but have yet to meet a woman who thought that her playmate was a better lover than her husband/SO. Different and fun yes, but rarely better (I only say rarely because I am sure it is possible, but I have never met one in person). The reason that it is highly unlikely that you could ever be better with a new playmate than her husband/SO, is that their is no way you could know all of her hot spots, rhythms, and buttons to push that they have learned about each other over many years together. furthermore, the committed couple has an intimacy based on love that makes their sex better than the occasional playmate could ever achieve.

 

To the original topic, great post CA, I haven't got any additional tips as you covered it very well.

[Spoomonkey 421]

there is almost zero chance that you will steal some guy's girl.

 

GT

 

There are women out there for a fellow to steal... The women are called train wrecks and the men are called cow shit (or something like that). Just like the occasional sticky floor, this is one of the things healthy couples have to slog through now and then...

 

 

Spoomonkey

[ShellyM 0]

Sooner or later if you are any good at what you do, you’ll be the “go to guy” for a lot of frustrated women. And from what I have seen, there are tons of them just waiting. As for the guys, hey, learn to be a better lover. It’s your duty as well as your privilege.

 

LOL. Okay, from what I understand you are coming from the opinion that we women are only swinging because our husbands are not fulfilling us sexually. This is the absolutely worst assumption you can make. Number one, you are coming with the belief that you are super lover and are the best fuck that any woman has ever had, and her pitiful husband should watch and learn. Hmmmmmm W R O N G answer!!! That is an absolutely false misconception along with the belief that women in the lifestyle are ignorant nymphomaniacs that will spread their legs for anyone with a penis. Sorry, not happening. I think you need to get with single men who do have a clue as to what this is really about.

[TNT 1,155]

Anybody else have any tips?

 

Tips on what, I didn't really follow what you were asking.

 

Tips on safety...which is important for both singles and couples.

 

You covered things extremely well CA and IMO, things that should be used by couples and singles.

 

Ted and I will travel quite a bit, meeting people, going to different clubs/parties/conventions...whatever...places we really don't want to or feel comfortable telling family exactly where we're going. We do however have a very close set of friends, who are also swingers, that we give all travel information to...even when we are meeting someone local for the first time we will let them know.

 

That's about all I can add to what you've wrote...let at least one person know where you're going, what you're doing and your estimated time of return...use common sense.

 

Teresa

[absingleman 178]

Thanks for posting this, CuriousAgain. I think that many swingers, especially newbies, don't take the safety concerns of single men as seriously as the safety of couples or single women because we are men and usually the aggressors.

 

I've said several times that I haven't corresponded with anyone in the swinging community in several years that I felt comfortable with. Some seemed too desperate, some too needy, some just turned me off because they were ONLY interested in a black man and could care less about anything else. I can get that without paying twenty dollars a month to send emails to a twenty or more profiles before one responds to say no and a hundred or ore before one says yes. Then they say "I liked your profile. Can you come to our town the day after tomorrow? My wife wants you bad." Seems like the setup for a Rob Zombie movie.

 

Safety comes first, last and always. Single men. If the people you contact don't make the effort to know you, forget them. There are real couples and single women that want to meet real single men and become swing friends with them. Don't let them treat you any less than you treat the single women you date in the "vanilla world".

 

Have fun and be safe.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Widower and I are about the same age, he is a little older than me, but not by much. I think that some of you have misunderstood what he said because he came from the vanilla world and is now learning the swinger world.

 

One of the things that I learned after I got divorced, with the women that I dated, was that their ex's were, for the most part, slam-bam-thank you-mam kinda guys. Now, that is something that we have not experienced in the swinging community. But I have come across it a lot in the vanilla world.

 

So give him a break. His statement, the way I read it, was not his ego talking. It was an honest concern. There are too many men out there that think that getting their rocks off is making love. And they think that the lady is satisfied with that. It is a reality.

 

Now, in the swinger world, Lee has had excellent partners, and she has had bad partners, just like me. But for the most part they were all better than most of the partners in the vanilla world.

 

As for the OP. You are wise to be very careful and protect yourself just as the rest of us do. But having grown up in the medical field, my Dad was a Doc, hospital parties were even wilder than going to a swinger club!!! You be careful out there!!!

[bigjoehd 26]

I sort of think of myself as that warm-up guy for the ladies. Sooner or later if you are any good at what you do, you’ll be the “go to guy” for a lot of frustrated women. And from what I have seen, there are tons of them just waiting. As for the guys, hey, learn to be a better lover. It’s your duty as well as your privilege.

 

Your killing me:rolleyes:,as a couple my wife & myself have been active over 10 years & cant begin to count how many guys we've met with the same attitude as yours,i swear i think you guys dream this shit up after reading too many penthouse forum letters:rollseye:

 

We get atleast 10 emails a week from men who make comments just like yours on the swingers site we belong to,when they make their profile they click "couple", because in the back of their mind they believe they are so studly & the women are so lonesome & neglected that its all about meeting the woman.

 

Seriously,you are going to have a hard road to hoe in this lifestyle,trying to find somebody who lives up to what (you) think this lifestyle is all about because you aint got the first clue.

[bigjoehd 26]

 

One of the things that I learned after I got divorced, with the women that I dated, was that their ex's were, for the most part, slam-bam-thank you-mam kinda guys. Now, that is something that we have not experienced in the swinging community. But I have come across it a lot in the vanilla world.

 

Listening to people say how bad their ex was in bed is pretty much a standard with divorced people,isnt it?

[iapr 24]

 

I’m a single male and just new to this lifestyle. And safety was the first thing that popped into my head. I really don’t think I could ever have a threesome with a guy/girl couple. I’m a straight male and I also don’t want to steal some guy’s girl. I enjoy the company of women, but I don’t want some guy to beat me up because his woman likes me.

 

Ummm, I think you need to get back to the swingers handbook you mentioned and either actually read it or throw it away and get a new one. I am not meaning to be disrespectfull or to flame you as you seem sincere. I think you may have some very false ideas about what swinging actually is. that is ok, we are all here to learn.

 

Swinging for couples is something couples do together as part of their sexual dynamic as couple. They are not here because the female half is frustrated or lonely and their guy is inept. Most females in the lifestyle are quite sexually self-actualized and know what they want and how to get it. Most of the males are very caring and skilled lovers and are here to support their wives and to have an adventurous and exciting sex life as a couple.

 

I get the impression that you are seeing being single and engaging in recreational noncomitted sex as swinging, it is often not the same thing. Picking up single gals or cheating wives in the lounge at a Holiday Inn for a one night hookup is NOT swinging. That is just picking up chicks.

 

Swinging is an activity that couples do together as a couple and about the only thing that a single male will get invited for is MFM threesomes and gang bangs and those are usually involving the husband almost 100% of the time. If you will not do threesomes or anything else with another man around you are not going to be doing anything.

 

To make matters worse your demeanor of thinking you are there to service "frustrated women" and being afraid of pissing off husbands will be a major stumbling block for you. Swinging husbands WANT to see there wives pleased and will do what they can to help that process.

 

I don't mean to be harsh or mean but rather just trying to get my point across to you but you are EXACTLY what we swinging husbands want to avoid and will intentionally keep away from our wives. It is guys with that attitude that give single males the bad reputation that they have. Swinging is not a college fraternity party where every man is for himself and survival of the fittest and it is all a competition to see who can score the most. Swingers work collaboratively to try and make everyone as comfortable as possible so each couple can live out their fantasys and enjoy the experience together as a couple.

 

We are not afraid of you stealing our women we are afraid of you pissing them off and having them leave the party. Currently you sound like bachelor just trying to score with chicks and not single male swinger material. Frankly even the most successfull legitimate single male swingers will tell you that it is much easier to score with regular vanilla women in a regular singles bar than it is to score with a lifestyle woman in a lifestyle venue.

 

If you are just wanting to score with chicks, go for it and do what you gotta do. I'm not bashing you or trying to get down on you. If you are serious about wanting to enter the swinging world you have a lot more homework to do. This is a good place to get info and feedback and to ask questions.

[widowerman 55]

Well, I stand corrected and will go back to the side lines. Ehh...not so fast.

 

However, I have a partner who has been in the lifestyle for well over 30 years. She has giving me some gifted insight on this world. From her experiences she has concluded that she has no idea why her or any other women would bother to stay in it, the lifestyle, unless that is to find someone special. So, yes the ladies are looking. The men on the other hand have a lot of growing up to do. I did hear this from many women. Too many women. Their major complaint, "these guys have no idea on how to fuck!"

 

I don't know what this swingers handbook is all about or if such a fabrication exists, or what the hell does Penthouse have to do with it all, but I do know it seems to be too easy to get men up on their hind legs with just a little criticism. It must suck to be some of you men out there, I'd have pity, but why bother. You should really listen to your women, they are after all people too.

 

Last month I met two women, two former swingers at a hotel party. They wanted to get back into the lifestyle so they came along to the party. They looked at the men and women at the party and concluded that they were feeling ill. They left and took me along with them. What made them sick? The scene, the lack of demeanor from the men, the down and out right ugly feeling that this was just another meat market fuck fest. The down right ugliest of it all.

 

They were new meat, or more like recycled meat and the men can do whatever they want to them. Later at the bar we talked, just the three of us and these fine looking women vowed "no more pity sex!" Do you blame them? Was I pity sex for them? Nope, they thanked me. Come to think of it, just like all the other women when I feel like "doing my thing", they too thank me and hold on to me much longer than the "seasoned" professionals, because they want too! Duh, why is that? I don't know, maybe it's that Penthouse magazine or something like that. At least I know I can stay in this "club" of leave it. I am probably leaving it, there is nothing for me here. I hate to be a wet blanket but this has all the luster of watching paint dry.

 

In closing I still don't understand how I became a lighting rod to this criticism. But this ends it for me, I will not respond and will let my counter attack die in a flaming mess. So have it, do whatever you want to my words, do whatever you want to me, but do nothing against my dead wife. It's her memory that I will not tarnish, but you probably don't understand that, how could you? You have a handbook and Penthouse to keep you company.

 

Well that's it for me. I do belive I will opt out at this time. You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans. But do keep swinging, soon or later you may get a piece of the ball, it maybe a foul ball, but at least you took a swing!

[Alura 2,774]

So yet another gentleman of uncanny sexual skill has joined us here to inform us that we are inept in loving our wives (and, assumably, other women) only to throw in the towel after nine posts.

 

It seems to work well, doesn't it? But don't become complacent, Swingers of the World! It won't stop with this fellow.

 

So long, Widowerman! We've seen your ilk before; most left with the same bitter feelings.

 

Mr. Alura

[Alura 2,774]

Widowerman wrote:

 

You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans.

 

Just so you understand (and anyone else so inclined), Widowerman, we don't talk politics on this website. Doing so can get you banned. But since you won't be around to read this, I suppose it doesn't matter.

 

Mr. Alura

[des1re06 200]

Well drats! We were just about to book reservations to NJ so he could teach us how we should be having sex and swinging.

 

Mrs. D

[fun4Ds 1,098]

good thread curiousagain, you have indeed given us some food for thought.and actually raised the bar for what we look for in single male playmates. after meeting and talking with you we found allot of things in common with you and our male playmates. #1 being that you could understand us as a couple, and your intelligence proves that you would even be more likely to take care of yourself.good single male playmates are more far and few than one would think.

[havefuninsun 122]

Listening to people say how bad their ex was in bed is pretty much a standard with divorced people,isnt it?

 

Amen.

 

Sex becomes bad with soon-to-be ex's because the thought of having sex with said men makes your skin crawl.

 

The soon-to-be-ex is not appealing.

 

We all know that to have good sex, you must be attracted to the person (in some way shape or form) with whom you're gonna have sex with.

 

By the time my ex and I split, just to feel his hand on me at all made me want to throw up.

[JW n Laci 15]

Well, I stand corrected and will go back to the side lines. Ehh...not so fast.

 

However, blah blah blah....

 

I don't know what this swingers handbook is all about blah blah blah....

 

Last month I met two women blah blah blah....

 

They were new meat, blah blah blah....

 

In closing blah blah blah.... I will not respond blah blah blah......

 

Well that's it for me. blah blah blah....!

It sure took you a long time to tell us you're not going to respond.

[Chicup 41]

Well that's it for me. I do belive I will opt out at this time. You guys are worst then a bunch of right wing republicans.

 

I've read several studies that say the "typical" swinger is moderate to conservative politically, though I'd venture to guess we are talking Libertarian oriented. Maybe you just found us out!

 

I think we were called this buy someone recently as well. Maybe its the new 'defense' being used by people who finally figured out what 'Goodwin's law' was, and why they should stop causing it to be invoked.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

Is safety really that big of a big concern for single males? I'm sorry your friend had his wallett stolen, but from what I've gathered, single guys are exploited much worse by so-called "legitimate" clubs and websites all the time.

 

I've heard of couples "loseing" things like watches and jewelry at clubs that nobody ever seems to find, but isn't that as much their fault for taking them in the first place? There was also a murder/suicide involving a couple that owned a club in Texas a few years ago, but other than that, this is a pretty safe activity for couples and singles.

[sweet_tna 680]

Well drats! We were just about to book reservations to NJ so he could teach us how we should be having sex and swinging.

 

Mrs. D

 

LOL, then you could swing over to the Poconos and teach us, too!

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[pjj1961 15]

I suggest a first meeting in an open non-alcoholic situation then if it works going to a hotel

[pjj1961 15]

You are Quite Right numbskullsX2. Single males are descriminated against in swinger

sites. Just read some of their rules.One site demands single males(only) to purchase

full membership within 1 week or be removed.Supposededly,according to that site we

only use it to view naked pics. As if there are no women or couples that do the same!

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

:D

You are Quite Right numbskullsX2. Single males are descriminated against in swinger

sites. Just read some of their rules.One site demands single males(only) to purchase

full membership within 1 week or be removed.Supposededly,according to that site we

only use it to view naked pics. As if there are no women or couples that do the same!

 

Not to mention the prices some of these clubs and party host/hostess' charge for single men to get in. The local club here in San Diego charges 75 bucks for non-military folks to get in. I got the military discount . And these guys pay it all on a hope and a prayer that they will get some action. When I played single I normally wouldn't pay the cash unless I knew certain females that I had a good time with previously was going to be there. At least then I knew I had a better chance of getting laid.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here--Wow, a lot in this thread.

 

As far as safety, I guess you can prepare for the worst and expect the best. But if the sex is that 'anonymous' and if you have so little understanding of the people you're meeting, perhaps you shouldn't. Medic alert bracelets always make sense, conscious or not. Moreover, if you are in a situation that is threatening in any way, you need to just leave immediately.

 

For me, group play is often best as an extension of friendship. Don't get me wrong, when I began I did experiment with 'meet and mate' experiences. They were great too. This had mostly to do with the party host and not some grand insight on my part.

 

As far as sex with other men being more fulfilling or helping out where my hubby is deficient is a laughable concept to me. Sex is fun, sex with other people is fun and that's where it begins and ends for most of us.

[JofRIT 15]

Just putting in my 2 cents worth... I'm pretty inexperienced but here's some things that come to mind.

 

To be on the safe side, I leave my credit and debit cards at home and head out with maybe $40 cash in my pocket. It's enough to pay for a meal and some gas, but if it gets stolen, whatever. Note that I've never been in a situation where I've worried about this... it seems I've only met really nice, respectable couples who wouldn't dream of going through a guy's wallet--hopefully this trend continues.

 

I've only been with a few couples, but it's been very clear in all of them that the man is very confident in his sexual skills, and with good reason. I know and they know that I'm just a guy for friendly conversation and sex, and I'm fine with that. Frankly, I don't ever expect to meet a couple where the man is considered "deficient", and I don't really want to.

 

I'm not too worried about going to somebody's place and ending up at the bottom of a well, "Silence of the Lambs" style. Anybody who wants to do that could probably have a basement full well before I come along

[absingleman 178]

I just remembered something I do so often I don't even think of it as a safety precaution. Before I even tell anyone about me, I ask them about local coffee shops chain restaurants like TGIFridays or Applebees. I don't get into the sex talk until they let me know they are willing to talk about normal stuff. I don't meet many swingers that want to talk about where they eat before they talk about their favorite positions. I don't even consider them for further conversation becasue it makes me feel unimportant to them. I know swinging is just recreational sex, but if I'm going to spend the time to travel 100 plus miles to meet someone, I want to know something about them other than her bra size. From there it is easy to determine their motives, habits, and whether or not both are on board or if one is pressuring the other to swing. Trouble usually starts when one party is expecting more or is prepared for less than the other party.

 

BTW, where is the next party? I'm tired of being the good guy. Its time to get baaad again. LOL

[NumbskullsX2 24]

I just remembered something I do so often I don't even think of it as a safety precaution. Before I even tell anyone about me, I ask them about local coffee shops chain restaurants like TGIFridays or Applebees. I don't get into the sex talk until they let me know they are willing to talk about normal stuff. I don't meet many swingers that want to talk about where they eat before they talk about their favorite positions.

Oh dear, I just posted some comments in another thread that are probably going to get me red-dotted, set aflame and driven off the board. But are we the only couple who notices WHAT people eat and drink when we're meeting at a restaurant for the first time? Heavy pasta dishes with cream sauce served with wine, or Chef's salad and bottled water? Garlic wings and (lots and lots of) cheap beer, or lean cuts of white meat, grilled with veggies and diet soda?

 

The Burrito Grande Special (with extra Jalapenos) and Tequila shots?

 

Why should it even matter?

 

God help us. We are SO shallow.

[Spoomonkey 421]

...are we the only couple who notices WHAT people eat and drink when we're meeting at a restaurant for the first time?

 

Well... I dunno... I "notice" what they order, sure. It is there on the table in front of me.

 

"Hmmm... That looks good..."

 

or

 

"Hmmm... That looks positively disgusting..."

 

I doubt I've ever come up with an opinion about someone based on what they order though. The closest I came was when some new friends ordered calamari as an appetizer for everyone to share. I decided then and there that I was not going to allow them to order the appetizer for the entire table again unless I was sure I would like it.

 

Still - they were great playmates...

 

Spoomonkey