Subtle ways to spot a swinging couple in public.

[2chase3 25]

I have heard before there are key points to look for to notice Hotwives/Swinging couples in public. I consider it a myth more than anything, So I will ask the more experienced here if there is any truth in it.

Its rumored you can usually spot a hotwife from the color of nail polish, jewelery,ankle braclelets, preference in shoe style are all indications of a Alternative lifestyle. *I know to categorize a individual from just these simple choices is a stretch to say in the least.*

But say we entertain the thought for a moment, any idea's how to spot signs on the male as well?

 

Like anything most hobbies/activities have a simple sign to show interest in it.

example: parents with kids in sports might have the football logo or whatever on their vehicle..Sure we have all seen them. Is there a global logo for swinging?lol and do you wear it publicly for the sole purpose?

[ncmd_couple 597]

I wish there was a way to tell, but swingers are just normal people and most of us don't flaunt it. So the only way I know of is to go to a club or party, then you know that everyone there is there for the same reason!

[oddcouple 17]

We wear t-shirts with adds on the back:lol:

 

Actually, it would be great if you could tell. We got started when a couple friends made "dry runs" at us a long time ago. As the years went by, we began to discuss some of their comments and began to believe they were swingers.

After not seeing them for many years, our paths crossed again. And again they started making comments that were seemingly jokes, but we felt it was their

way of feeling us out. Finally Ms. O just flat out asked the female, in private,

and she admitted it. She then asked if we were interested and the rest is

history.

 

Mostly, I believe, is spouse's flirting with the opposite sex in front of their

spouses (with approval).

[good times 991]

No, not only can you not spot one by how they are dressed, but now days you can't even tell by how they act. Go to any vanilla dance club now days and you will see people acting more sexually aggressive in public than most folks at a swinger club.

[graygo98 148]

Mostly, I believe, is spouse's flirting with the opposite sex in front of their

spouses (with approval).

 

True, but..... There is this new couple up at our lake with a cottage next to long time (vanilla) friends of ours. The frank looks, ease when their spouses were mingling with new acquaintences of the opposite sex, casual touching, all sorts of little things just said "swinger" to us. Nothing definite, but a whole bunch of little things adding up to a sense that they were in the lifestyle.

 

On a couple of occasions they had couples up from their home town. Our friends told us that these visitors dressed a little provocatively and were very flirty. My male buddy was shocked that one of the other husbands was openly flirting with my friend's wife and his own wife didn't seem to care.

 

The last time we saw them the husband asked what we did during the winter. Among other things ... skiiing, etc..... I mentioned we like to go out dancing on Saturday nights sometimes. He was all over that.. "Where do you go? What clubs?" He was really interested. A guy? Who plays beer league hockey for relaxation interested in where in Toronto we went out to dance? I think they are probably thinking the same thing about us and he was trying to nail down a clue. After all, if they are in the lifestyle he has probably heard of the clubs in Toronto just like I know the main ones in their town.

 

Sure, I know. It all circumstantial and "if the glove don't fit you must acquit." But still......

[lovinher 505]

There outta be a law or something.

It sure would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? We find ourselves wondering all the time if so and so are swingers.

I think throwing out a swinger word like "vanilla" and watching for a reaction is about the only way to find out without outing yourself. Even then you never know and I wouldn't assume anything based on that reaction alone.

We were at a vanilla party (all couples) a few weeks ago and one of the activities was pumpkin carving. One couple who was being creative carved a pumpkin that happens to be a unique avatar on this board. Got us wondering.

 

So if Barbie happens to read this........

[cuzzeyesaidso 31]

It would be easier to spot other swingers true, but sooner or later the word would get out and we would all have these strange stereotypes put on us like other misunderstood groups in our society. Masons and the gay/lesbian communities come to mind.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

"Are they or aren't they?"

 

It's a fun little game we play from time to time.

 

We've never considered it as a way to meet couples though.

Too many other methods that are more productive and easier.

 

 

 

But it is a fun game, isn't it?

[ncmd_couple 597]

Being a swinger is kind of like shaving below. When I started doing it years ago, sitting in a business meeting looking at the people around the table, you wonder... Hmmm... who else....

[Darkblue 55]

ROFL... When were out we are always asking ourselves "are they or arnt they" and if not would they?....

Over here they dont have any specific words like "Vanille" so its not an option for use that we could use:sad: i wish it was then we could drop the odd "vanille" here and there and see what happens:EG::EG:

 

 

Steve

[2chase3 25]

I agree with DarkBlue, the word vanilla is something We havnt ran across much either, but then again we are not what you would call Die Hards.

 

Even something initially before contact that would give you a good clue of a couple being in a alternative lifestyle. say a global symbol known among swingers. which comes to mind, it was rumored the rubber wrist bands young people wore that where the color stood for a favored sexual position or preference.

 

We should give it a shot, and just see where it goes. Someone with a great underlying symbol, animal, etc.Something not so obvious to a crowd but a red flag for a swinging couple. lets hear your thoughts.

[Darkblue 55]

What about a sticker with"we live our dreams how about you?" or "we do what you dream about"

 

Steve

[Tybee Swing 286]

I agree with DarkBlue, the word vanilla is something We havnt ran across much either, but then again we are not what you would call Die Hards.

 

I used to host a board on iVillage about sex and marital intimacy. There were no swingers there. The people there used the word "vanilla", but it had a different meaning. To regular monogamous couples (the ones we call vanilla), the word "vanilla" means people who have sex in the dark, are opposed to toys, opposed to the use of porn for couples, hardly do anything beyond missionary, too embarrassed to talk about sex, etc. So, "vanilla" is in the eye of the beholder.

 

To the BDSM community, swingers are vanilla. I used to visit a board called "Taboos", and they referred to everyone outside of BDSM as vanilla.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Its rumored you can usually spot a hotwife from the color of nail polish, jewelery,ankle braclelets, preference in shoe style are all indications of a Alternative lifestyle.

 

I'm interested to hear what styles and colors they believe to be hotwife/swinger clues? What color of nail polish? What jewelry? What type of shoe?

 

Whenever I meet many women in swinging such as at large events, it's always noteworthy to me how different each and every one of them are, and how little they all have in common, visually. It just seems that every type is represented. Some of them are extremely casual, no makeup, no sexy shoes or anything like that.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I think that there are some cultural symbols that have been used from time to time. One evening Lee was getting ready for us to go to a swing club and she was dressing in red. Red shoes, red dress, red nail polish, and red lipstick! She made a comment that when she was young that a woman who wore red shoes, nails, and lipstick were considered to be "sluts" in her community. We both got a laugh out of that...

[havefuninsun 122]

Being a swinger is kind of like shaving below. When I started doing it years ago, sitting in a business meeting looking at the people around the table, you wonder... Hmmm... who else....

 

ain't that the truth! Mr. Fun and I do this all the time too. I was recently telling him about a couple that my first husband and I hung out with long, long ago ... they were so much fun! I remember one time that we were at their house watching porn, and they got up and had to go fuck in their room. My ex and I just looked at each other, 'what do we do now?' -- Mr. Fun said, "well, what would WE do?" I said, "get naked right in the living room and hope to get caught." LOL!

 

I bet that couple are swingers now. They moved away ... last I heard lived in Colorado. Kris & Meredith -- if you're here , please say hi.

 

Mr. Fun's boss and his girl friend are fun and open ... we don't want to BE with them, but have decided if they're not swingers, it's a damn shame. They'd so enjoy it.

 

And the shaving thing -- LOL! I've now decided that more people than not sport some sort of pussy hairdo.

[bill&sabrina 22]

It would be easier to spot other swingers true, but sooner or later the word would get out and we would all have these strange stereotypes put on us like other misunderstood groups in our society. Masons and the gay/lesbian communities come to mind.

 

The word is already out, and stereotypes already exist.

[happyplace22 15]

The "Swingers for Obama" tee shirt gives it away...

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I have heard before there are key points to look for to notice Hotwives/Swinging couples in public.

 

When we're out and about running errands or what have you, we dress in street clothes just like your average vanilla couple. The only difference is (1) we don't wear our wedding bands often (we both work in jobs where the use of medical gloves is worn, and rings tend to complicate handwashing...) and (2) we're a little more grab-ass with each other then an average couple is, but we were like that before we started swinging too.

 

Hell, she doesn't even wear makeup if we're running errands.

 

Now, if we're out on a date... that's a different story. But even then we tend to behave ourselves (more or less) when we're out in public.

[wewannabebad2 85]

"Are they or aren't they?"

 

It's a fun little game we play from time to time.

 

We play this game too, especially when we go out.

[cubnamy1995 124]

Instead of shaking hands with people, we rub their crotches. Their response tell us instantly yes or no.

 

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Doesn't that get a little awkward at church?

 

[sweet_tna 680]

Instead of shaking hands with people, we rub their crotches. Their response tell us instantly yes or no.

 

 

Hi Cub & Amy, my name is Jen! Nice to meet you!

 

=)

[ownerspet 506]

I wish there were ways to tell because me and the Mrs are often in public, and I'm looking around at couples wondering why the swing-dar is going off. It's like I see something whether it be a manerism or the way they are dressed, that makes them pop up on the radar. Sometimes it's not just that they are attractive, it's that I can't help but look around and wonder who is and who isn't.

 

However, I think GT is right, you can't tell just by looking at someone's clothes or behavior, because I've met some of the members here and they look no different from "supposedly vanilla" individuals that I've met in non-lifestyle activities. I use the words "supposedly vanilla" because you really never know.

[Mr.Rockwell 15]

Good one. I like that and I feel that I have been approached like this before, but never to follow up.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When we were at Universal Studios last month I saw a couple that I am almost sure were swingers... and I expected to see them at our hotel later but never did (to my knowledge). We were eating lunch and I saw this woman in her 50's come out of the restroom wearing very short shorts and a halter top (over her VERY large breasts), as she left the bathroom I was watching to see what she would do and she went towards the outside area of the dining room where the windows were and stopped at a table where two young guys were sitting, from where I was standing it was pretty obvious she was flirting. She did not stay there but moved on to the order line and (apparantly) her husband. So they were either swingers, or she was just a cougar.

[GerdOEvert 51]

I think swingers go to different Bars/Restaurants on given nights to meet other swingers.

 

There was a place in St. Louis on Saturday nights -- The Power Plant, I believe. And in

DC there was a restaurant near the White House which had a swingers reputation for

meeting on Saturdays too. Never met anyone there.

 

I often wondered what happened to Vanilla Couples who were at the Swinging Joints

unknowingly.

 

My pet fetish is there haver been six - eight couples who were vanilla friends, and it

would have been sexy and fun to know they liked to play too. Only one ever asked us.

Richard and Mimi, and the others stayed distant.

 

I think there are clues, but my suspicion is you go to a party, an on premises club, an

off premises club, or you meet by e mail.

 

Out here, we have a club. Desert Delights. We also have a monthly BDSM meeting.

Can I tell you about that. So Funny, to me anyway.

 

Otto Eileen

[rachan 53]

I don't think there is a way to know. I think I'm a very normal looking woman but I did meet a couple walking in our neighborhood a few weeks ago and she was wearing a sls t shirt. I didn't mention that we swing or that I'm a hotwife. I have worn a mfm necklace but nobody notices it.

R

[SnakeBabe 51]

Instead of shaking hands with people, we rub their crotches. Their response tell us instantly yes or no.

 

Can’t we all decide on a hand shake or something!

 

Hugs and Hissessss,

Maria

[SexyNSingle 15]

Instead of shaking hands with people, we rub their crotches. Their response tell us instantly yes or no.

 

 

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I often wondered what happened to Vanilla Couples who were at the Swinging Joints unknowingly.

 

Well, at the party we frequent every month, they're usually asked to leave. We'll get some people who, curious as to what is going on, will try to sneak in because we're having way more fun then anybody else at the bar. I can't speak for the organizers, but I believe they don't want unsponsored single males or couples who really don't have a clue as the nature of the shindig wandering around.

 

I think there are clues, but my suspicion is you go to a party, an on premises club, an off premises club, or you meet by e mail.

 

LOL, yeah, if they go to a swinger party or you meet them via e-mail, then, yes, it's probably a fairly high probability that they're swingers (or at least "pre-swingers")

[shes_in_parties 22]

We were out on a date saturday and this attractive young woman came and talked to us, asking if we were engaged or newlyweds since we were pretty lovey-dovey at the bar. She actually sat with us for an hour or so and we talked about the lifestyle, but then she rejoined her friends But maybe the swingers are the married couples who are still all over each other like newlyweds

 

As for vanillas, one time a few years ago at a meet-n-greet at a local bar, two young couples asked to come in, and the bouncer told them it was "couples night" - they seemed to think yeah, cool, we're couples...until one of them saw swinger mags by the door, picked them up to show her friends, and said "um, guys, it's COUPLES night..." and they all giggled and left...

[CandDinCo 69]

Sorry to necro this thread. Has anyone had any experience with the black ring thing? Has it resulted in meeting others in the LS, or awkward conversations?

[Milehiclubcpl 18]

We both just got black rings....and try to wear them in public as much as possible. My bank teller (Male) was wearing one yesterday on his middle finger. Next bank visit I will ask him!!!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

We have a pair of black banded rings. Perhaps more subtle than others'. (see our public photos at SLS, "fundamentallaw" one word) Had them for a couple of years. No random couple has come up to us and asked "hey, are you guys swingers?" However, we cannot determine that they have gone unnoticed: when we are with other (known) lifestylers, they definitely notice.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This has come up before. The problem with a 'secret sign' is that for people to know what they are doing, it can't be a secret any more. There's a thread here where Prince Henry wears a black ring...don't think he's a swinger. Black rings may very well mean you just like black rings (awhile ago, before we started, I had a black carbon fiber ring but that was just because I really liked carbon fiber).

 

Take the rainbow symbol. Once it meant that you liked rainbows. Now it almost always means that you are a member of the LBGT community. This isn't a secret symbol anymore. ANY secret sign, be it white landscape rock, a pineapple, Tide box in the window, ankle chain, black ring, etc. has the same problem of someone just LIKING something and nothing more (except the Tide box in the window...who would put one in the window just because you 'liked' it...). There are some symbols, but they are usually pretty obvious as to what they mean (like the four interlocking 'male'/'female' rings). Since most of us don't really want 'vanilla' people to know what we do in our private lives, there can never really be a symbol that everyone doesn't already know the meaning of. Asking the bank teller could lead to you being embarrassed when he says that he has the ring because he liked how it looked, but it's interesting to know that you are actually a swinger...

[CandDinCo 69]

I guess that was the genius behind the ring thing. Plausible deniability. If someone asks and you don't want them to know, you can feign ignorance.

 

For us, the only people who asked about our black rings were people we were already meeting for that purpose. No random encounters.

 

Btw, had to Google tide box in window. Never heard that one before.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Sorry to necro this thread. Has anyone had any experience with the black ring thing? Has it resulted in meeting others in the LS, or awkward conversations?

 

We don't mind a thread necro around here. A good conversation is still good even if it's a dozen years old. Besides, as an old timer around here I saw some old member names from the early part of this thread that gave me a smile.

[Guest]

Are they or aren't they? It think we all play that game. But if you really want to have fun, date another couple and go out together. When at a restaurant sit with your spouse and make it clear your together. Maybe hold hands, hands on laps, and show a some PDA. Half way through the meal, swap spouses, and do the same. At the least, you'll really mess with your wait staff, and it is priceless to watch them try and split the bill after.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

For us, the only people who asked about our black rings were people we were already meeting for that purpose.

 

Then a black ring cannot be used to spot other swingers any more than they are wearing clothes (if you are already at a swingers event, then everything they are doing or wearing should identify them as swingers). If you are already swimming in a swingers pond, then you know you will only catch other swingers. If you are in public and ask someone if the black ring means they are swingers...it kind of gives you away that you are probably swingers in order to be asking that question.

[Roliin75 53]

We wear Partners ID jewelry and met a couple at the airport because of it. None of our friends or family have ever asked us about it. Looks like jewelry.

[Bluespruce1 706]

For us it’s always a behavioral thing. We always gravitate towards friendly couples at bars for a start. We love starting up conversations with new people wherever we are. Next, we pay a lot of attention to body language. Couples that we have met that are swingers are very comfortable holding a conversation with the opposite spouse and will often switch seats or stand next to me or her to chat allowing their spouse to do the same. If the bar has a dance floor, things will progress quickly from there. We hang at a nude beach as well and it’s pretty easy to differentiate between the gay men, straight couples and the swingers. This summer - we were chatting with a couple at the beach and we suspected they were swingers. Somehow the topic of body hair came up and she commented how she liked how I trimmed and explained to my wife how she loved the shape of my penis while tracing the outline with her finger. Pretty obvious I’d say!!

[Guest]

We tend to think we can somewhat identify them, woman is dressed a bit more sexy then most, guy is more attentive to her, they are more friendly, etc. But, on the other hand, we were sitting in SloopyJoes’ in Key West one evening. Live music, getting crowded, couldn’t find a place at the bar so the two of us took a table for 5. After awhile, another couple about our age came wondering through, couldn’t find a table so we offered to let them join us at ours. We talked a bit, finished our drinks and left. Later that night we were at this singer club and in walks that other couple. We learned that they were serious swingers, were on a drive through the SE U.S. stopping at swinger clubs trip. We never would have guessed.

[Slutcouple860 16]

We are kind if incidental swingers. Mostly enjoy different types of threes. It would be nice to see some kind of tell.

Like back in the days when male gays and bis wore an earring in the right ear...lol

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Update: Prince Henry wears a black ring...maybe he's a swinger!

 

Nope, it’s a super high tech ring that tracks everything from REM sleep to your daily calorie burn from a company called Oura.

 

I was going to insert some pictures of shirts that can be used to identify swingers but they quickly didn't necessarily mean what I was hoping: Golfers, swing sets, monkeys, cross fit training, boxing, metal detecting...however I did find one shirt that I really liked, but still don't believe in. It said: I believe in unicorns...because I have ridden one. Side track is over, switching back to main line.

[Slutcouple860 16]

It is a double edged sword.

If we knew it can be fun but what would really happen is every horny cornball would be hitting on every woman that showed the "signs".

[lcmim 1,081]

Here is an idea that we are going to try this summer when traveling. We bought an SLS bumper sticker and put it onto a magnetic backer as we can not leave it on all the time. While staying in motels and campgrounds as we travel it will be interesting to see if we get and response.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Let us know how it goes!

[lnw 145]

Black ring story -

Was at Desire last year in the pool. Started chatting with a nice looking couple and noticed they each had on a black ring. So I asked them how long they had been in the lifestyle. A pretty sensible question since they were nude, in a pool at Desire, and wearing black rings. She said no that they were not in the lifestyle and then asked why I asked. I told them about the black rings and all. The look on their faces was priceless! The next day, they had on different color rings. We saw them several times during the trip and laughed about the encounter all week long.

 

So you can not tell unless you ask up front.

[udsarge 119]

ummm...I just got to thinking. My lil' brother wears a black ring!!! Is he secretly a swinger w/ his wife??? I could never bring myself to ask, too awkward a potential conversation!