MFM but no FMF??

[VanHlebar 187]

Ok, so MrsVan and I went out to a club last night, just a vanilla club with a live band. We had been at this club once before with some other friends and that night we ran into a super hot blonde. MrsVan was dancing with our friend and the blonde came over and started dancing with them. At first it was just normal dancing but quickly turned into some serious grinding between MrsVan and the blonde! I got into the action a little bit during the evening dancing with the ladies or just with the blonde, but for the most part just let MrsVan have her fun.

 

This continued for most of the evening and at the end of the night when it was time to leave MrsVan went over to say good bye. While MrsVan was leaving I overheard the blonde give MrsVan a super compliment that she was "Smokin Hot"

 

So MrsVan and I have joked over the past few months of going back to the club to see if we can meet up with said blonde again. One night I mentioned we could head over but MrsVan was unable to play for various reason and she commented to me that she wouldn't be able to do anything even if we met up with her AND if she was interested. This got us to talking last night about the differences between a MFM, FMF and FFM.

 

My impression during the conversation was that it was ok for us to participate in MFM even though I am not bi and clearly only participate with MrsVan. This is fine and we both enjoy MFMs, but the idea of an FMF was received with mixed feelings. I asked her what the difference was and her comment was that she wouldn't be able to participate with the other lady. She was really confused as to why I would want to participate in an FMF and not in an FFM. To me it wasn't an either/or situation, it was just if the opportunity presented itself where a lady was interested in have a 3some but no girl/girl play I would be interested and that I didn't see how that was any different than an MFM.

 

Ultimately we never really did see this eye to eye and I don't think she quiet understood what I was trying to explain. Now the multiple adult beverages and music going on during this conversation might have had a little bit to do with our misunderstandings.

 

Sorry for the long, rambling post. All that was so I could ask. Does anyone see there being a difference between an MFM and FMF other than the combination? Did I explain this right?

 

Enough ramblings...what do you think?

 

-Van

[gatorvol64 216]

I'm with you, Van. I don't see a difference. But then that is the way it is with us since I'm not bi. Not having the girl/girl play hasn't been a problem with any lady that happens to be bi that we've met. So, for us it is either MFM or FMF. I honestly don't think I'd see the difference even if I were bi and enjoyed the FFM. I absolutely love MFM and have actively sought ladies for FMF. Gator gets into that too. And as I've said before, I really love giving the man what he likes.

 

Vol

[curiousagain 326]

I think you explained it correctly and I too see no difference but what do I know. I'm pretty much in similar situation at the moment and beating my head against the wall. A FWB wants to try swinging, either MFM or FFM but no FMF or FMFM (swap with another couple). She has informed me she would like to be the center of attention between me and another male or female but she thinks she would be jealous seeing me pleasing another woman. When I heard the jealous word I slammed the brakes on the whole thing and we are still talking about it off and on but apparently without progress so I can't offer any advice, just sympathy or empathy, depending on how you look at it.

 

Has she mentioned feeling any jealousness or just feeling "left out" at the prospect of a FMF?

[hvault 15]

I have similar feelings... I recently had a MMF with my long term boyfriend and things were fine..

In the past I had always been against swinging or threesomes, but that had always if it was FFM. He has not said anything about having a FFM but I think he may expect it or at least think I may be more open to it. While I am bi-sexual I don't see myself being aroused by watching him with another woman.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Since MrsVan is a member here, I'd sure like to hear her thoughts in a post.

 

That would help me jump into a nice FMF discussion.

 

Okay, that was a stupid joke, but seriously, I'd like to hear from MrsVan because I think that will give everyone more to work with in the discussion.

 

At the moment, my only thought is that the difference between MFM and FMF is the persons involved (two women and one man), the pleasure and fun would be just as great provided everyone is comfortable with the arrangement.

 

LM

[VanHlebar 187]

MrsVan will be jumping in here soon I am sure. She knows about the thread, just needs to find the time to hop in here. Again, this was just a discussion last night. For those that don't know us, no jealousies here and it isn't about not wanting to share me. More of I think that I am not getting my point across correctly.

 

-Van

[gatorvol64 216]

More of I think that I am not getting my point across correctly.

 

-Van

Well I've certainly been there. I can be trying and trying and then one day Gator will look at me and say, "Well, why haven't you ever said it like that before? I understand now.". And I think to myself, that is what I've been saying. Sometimes its just too funny but when the light bulb finally does go off all is well.

 

 

I'll look forward to hearing from MrsVan.

 

Vol

[havefuninsun 122]

Van,

 

I get what you're saying. However, maybe the difference is because of your interests in the first place.

 

My initial interest in this was to experience a woman. So we found couples that were in the same boat.

 

Since then, we have played with a female where the girls didn't play together ... we just doted on Mr. Fun (lucky man!).

 

I think what Mrs. Van was trying to say is, she too wanted to play with Blonde, and she would have felt left out if she didn't get to play with her as well. And because Mrs. Van IS also interested in women .. a lot! ... then she would feel left out if she didn't get to play too.

 

The difference? You don't give a crap about playing with the male in the first place.

[sexcupid 809]

I too look forward to Mrs Van's response. And I will attempt to make some sense as well.

 

I am totally open to having a MFM or MFMMMMMMM....ok maybe not so many MMMMM's but you get the idea. However, when presented with a FMF or FMFFFF...I still get a bit of apprehension. Why? I don't know. Can't quite put my finger on it. It's not jealousy, but the thought of it doesn't take me to my happy place I guess (does that make sense? it's just a general feeling of apprehension...like a 'welllll, i don't know.....').

 

Would I do it? If things felt right. I don't like things to feel too staged or feel pressure about it, I guess. Kind of like the night you describe when you went to the club and the Mrs. was dancing with the blonde and all seemed to be going well. Things were kind of happening on their own and she probably didn't feel like she was 'on the prowl' for a female for the two of you so she was more comfortable in that setting....rather than being on the hunt and feeling pressure to make it happen. But that is just speculation on my part and I do not presume to speak for Mrs. Van.

 

Last night I ended up the 3rd in a FMF...the other wife wanted to watch and we both ended up touching and playing with him, but did not play with each other. (I describe myself as straight....but in reality tend to be more bi-passive with a female I feel comfortable with...or if they want to go down on me or whatever, that's fine...but I don't go seeking it and I don't advertise myself as bi.) So it can happen without any f/f interaction...but most of us women operate under the assumption that if there are 2 of us and 1 of you then you guys want to see the girls at the very least kissing and maybe fondling each other.

 

Maybe spell out specifically what you want to happen? You laying there with one riding you and you eating the other...or Mrs. Van leaning over you so you can play with her breasts and use your fingers while the other female is sucking/riding you? I guess some of it is logistical....who is doing what so that it doesn't turn into someone having to sit on the sidelines watching the action.

 

Sorry for the long reply....

 

 

Maria

[VanHlebar 187]

The difference? You don't give a crap about playing with the male in the first place.

 

And this is the same thing that MrsVan has said to me over and over. The blonde was really just the catalyst to the conversation of the general topic. And you are right I have no interest in the other male but that shouldn't preclude a FMF from happening.

 

She jokingly says to me that I am just jealous because she "can" participate and I can't.

 

-Van

[Guest MrsVan]

Okay everyone! Time for me to finally get to chime in and say what I feel may be important to the post that MrVan started:D

 

Havefuninsun was on the target with how I feel. There was definetly an interest on my end with the blonde:facelick: and because of that it was something that I wanted to experience as well and not just for him. I do not have a problem with FMF and would love to give MrVan that type of attention with no girl/girl action. However, my point to MrVan that I was trying to get across is that for me it is different as I am bi and I enjoy the girl/girl action as well as my time with the men. So for me I get to enjoy both whereas in a MFM there is no interest for MrVan with the other male cause he does not go that way.

 

It is not that I would not have an interest in a FMF but finding a woman to help us out with that has been very difficult but hopefully things one of these days will work out and I can prove to MrVan that what he is thinking is way wrong

 

MrsVan

[gatorvol64 216]

So, MrVan, if I'm understanding MrsVan correctly, a FMF isn't a problem with her at all. It's just that she is as attracted to the blonde as you are and would prefer it to be a FFM with her. Knowing both of you from your posts, this won't be an issue with either of you. You'll both enjoy any time you have with the woman and seek the other elsewhere. Isn't it great to be married to someone you can explore it all with?

 

Vol

[curiousagain 326]

Van,

 

 

I think what Mrs. Van was trying to say is, she too wanted to play with Blonde, and she would have felt left out if she didn't get to play with her as well. And because Mrs. Van IS also interested in women .. a lot! ... then she would feel left out if she didn't get to play too.

 

 

 

That makes sense. I'm fully expecting Mrs. Van to let us scratch our heads a while then explain it.

[sexcupid 809]

However, my point to MrVan that I was trying to get across is that for me it is different as I am bi and I enjoy the girl/girl action as well as my time with the men.

 

MrsVan

 

Mkay....please disregard half of my reply...for some reason I took from Mr. Van's post that you were not into girl/girl play....I'm a dork.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

My heads spinning after reading all this.

 

Is the "problem" (and I don't know that you have one) here that the blonde isn't interested in playing with men?

 

If she's interested in women and men, then what does it matter where you put the "Fs" or the "M" because you'll probably mix it all up anyway when you three play.

 

You only need to know what all three of you are open to before you begin. Then go with the flow when you're playing.

 

Good luck finding blondie!

 

LM

[iapr 24]

Okay everyone! Time for me to finally get to chime in and say what I feel may be important to the post that MrVan started:D

 

Havefuninsun was on the target with how I feel. There was definetly an interest on my end with the blonde:facelick: and because of that it was something that I wanted to experience as well and not just for him. I do not have a problem with FMF and would love to give MrVan that type of attention with no girl/girl action. However, my point to MrVan that I was trying to get across is that for me it is different as I am bi and I enjoy the girl/girl action as well as my time with the men. So for me I get to enjoy both whereas in a MFM there is no interest for MrVan with the other male cause he does not go that way.

 

It is not that I would not have an interest in a FMF but finding a woman to help us out with that has been very difficult but hopefully things one of these days will work out and I can prove to MrVan that what he is thinking is way wrong

 

MrsVan

 

Ok, now I am confused. If you want to play with this gal and you find her and she is ok with a 3-way and Mr Van is ok with and you are ok with him and two chicks...What is the problem? Either it's getting late and I am not firing on all cylinders or you two are not in sync somehow. Why is this an issue? If the 3 of you are ok with getting naked together why not just do what y'all want to do at the time and be good with it?

[sweet_tna 680]

Havefuninsun was on the target with how I feel. There was definetly an interest on my end with the blonde and because of that it was something that I wanted to experience as well and not just for him. I do not have a problem with FMF and would love to give MrVan that type of attention with no girl/girl action. However, my point to MrVan that I was trying to get across is that for me it is different as I am bi and I enjoy the girl/girl action as well as my time with the men. So for me I get to enjoy both whereas in a MFM there is no interest for MrVan with the other male cause he does not go that way.

 

It is not that I would not have an interest in a FMF but finding a woman to help us out with that has been very difficult but hopefully things one of these days will work out and I can prove to MrVan that what he is thinking is way wrong

 

MrsVan

 

Okay, I'm still a newbie and may be WAY off on this, but I'm guessing this is a matter of semantics that has everyone so confused. With MFM, you have the two guys essentially out to please the woman. Mrs. Van is fine with this because--well hey, what gal doesn't love being the center of attention.

 

And with FFM, the ladies play with each other and somewhere in there the guy gets a little something, too. Mrs. Van is especially interested in this with the blonde.

 

But with FMF, it's the guy (Mr. Van in this case) who gets to be the star of the show whilst both ladies work to please him--and not necessarily themselves. Mrs. Van as stated above would prefer to have the "option" of playing w/the other lady, and not just sharing Mr. Van.

 

Do I have this right? If yes, then perhaps with the right couple (where the other lady is straight or only bi-passive (love that phrase, btw--thx sexcupid) the FMF would be more palatable for Mrs. Van.

 

If I've got it wrong, then just ignore me . . .

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Guest MrsVan]

Mrs Sweet has the right thought process..I have first have to say that this is NOT a problem at all for us. It is a conversation that we had the other night in which I think MrVan was trying to confuse me and with the alcohol and loud music there were distractions going on where I could not focus to well on the question asked.

 

I think what MrVan is trying to put out here is that it is basically a double standard so to speak (and MrVan correct me if I am wrong here). What he feels is that I think of a FFM and I want to get the attention because I can enjoy both the male and female whereas in a FMF it doesn't sound so exciting to me cause then only MrVan gets the attention and I only get to be with him. There is no problem on my end with a FMF however if this blonde was to show up again and we hook up I would prefer a FFM:facelick:

 

If MrVan wanted a FMF and we found the right woman to do that with us than I would be all for it because I like to please MrVan and will do anything to make him happy:kissface:

 

MrsVan

 

PS- I will wait for MrVan to chime in later when he gets up.

[VanHlebar 187]

Ok MrsVan sort of got it right.

 

First the blonde was just kind of an intro as to what got us talking about the differences between MFM and FMF. We both thought the blonde was super hot and no question, IF she is interested it would be a group effort.

 

What kind of spurred the post here was during out conversation that night, when I brought up the idea of an FMF MrsVan kind of had this very strange and funny look on her face and said something along the lines of "FMF, why?" sort of like well what's in it for me type look. So I laughed and said Oh I see, it's ok for an MFM and you to be the center of attention but not an FMF where I am the center of attention. She was like, well you aren't bi and I am so I like to play also.

 

I have always known that if the right lady came about and was interested in a 3some with us, MrsVan wouldn't say no and she would enjoy the experience as much as I did. This hasn't ever been a problem or an issue between us, just one of those healthy, theory conversations that got definitions mixed up.

 

It's good to be back on the board and able to confuse everyone again.

 

Thanks all.

 

-Van

[ncmd_couple 597]

One of the things that gets confusing is that when we discuss things like this it is a rational discussion. When in reality peoples' reactions to different situations are often irrational with no real reason for why they feel the way they do about a specific situation. Just thought I would add to the confusion!