Thinking I want MFM...How do I ask?

[jamther 15]

My husband and I are interested in bringing a certain male someone home for a good time. I had a very interesting fantasy fulfilled with him a couple of weeks ago. It was set up by my husband as a very unselfish gift to me. For the next encounter, we would really like to have my husband present but I am so afraid this guy is going to think we are freaks. How do I approach it with him? What do I say? It would totally be me and him with my husband watching and I'm sure ending up with me. I know he is game for more encounters with me....but will he be open to this? Are most men??? I always thought it was always a man's fantasy for two women.

[dayhiker 83]

jamther ... does he know you are married? does he know your husband knows you meet him? If not I think feeding him those peices of info will help you know where he is on the idea.

 

dayhiker

[joaninla 162]

I think you will find most (maybe it would be more accurate to say many) men would welcome the excitement, and sheer kinkiness of taking part in this. It is very erotic and explaining this fantasy both you and your husband have will probably allay any fears he may have. Good luck!

[havefuninsun 122]

I think I understand from the other thread that your husband set this adventure up with your ex boyfriend ... so the boyfriend knows about your husband, and visa versa.

 

Well -- the boyfriend has already figured out you guys are a little freaky if your husband arranged the playdate, yes? So, I bet he'd be willing to at least entertain the idea with no ill affects. He may decide "no" for some reasons, but I bet he will not think ill of you.

 

As most men would, I'm sure he loves knowing that adventuresome side of yours!!

 

Ask him! let us know!!

[jamther 15]

I asked him........he said yes...........OMG!!! I am so nervous.........I told my husband that he was willing to join us and he was very surprised that I actually asked. Now I am freaked out about the actual "event". I assume we just let it happen. It can't really be a rehearsed situation I suppose. Our Man involved is a little off guard about the whole deal with my husband watching but seems to be very open to new things. Please PLease PLEASE advise on how to handle the introductions, how to begin and how to end....I am so nervous I could puke.

 

P.S. This is supposed to happen Friday.

[VanHlebar 187]

Well first thing I would say is relax. Everything will be just fine.

 

Are you planning on meeting somewhere first for dinner, drinks, dancing or are you just going to invite him to your place or a hotel and then play?

 

I can tell you what has worked for us in the past. We met a single guy for dinner for the first time. We chatted with him over dinner got to know him a bit. Then at the end of dinner I knew MrsVan wanted to invite him back for to the house so I just asked him, would you be interested in coming back to the house? He said yes and then followed us home. We played some pool for a little bit and had a beer and MrsVan got a bit more comfy and started flirting with him. Eventually she was ready and she made the first move with the guy and then we headed to the bedroom for some playing.

 

I would say just take it easy and slow. You already have one thing going for you in that you both already know each other AND you have already played together. So I think this will happen alot easier than you think it might.

 

Good luck and enjoy the evening! I know MrsVan loves to be the center of attention like that...I mean what lady doesn't right?

 

-Van

[gatorvol64 216]

Just relax!! And enjoy your adventure!!!!

 

Vol

[Vjklander 138]

Consider renting a hotel room with a built-in hot tub. They are all over our area for $125-$150. The tubs are big enough for 4. Then just get naked and go for it. Personally, I love when another guy and I both engage in foreplay with my wife. I know some guys are apprehensive about another guy there, but if the woman is the focus of both men, there shouldn't be a problem.

[sweet_tna 680]

First off, it couldn't hurt to try and imagine how much fun this will be. If you can relax enough to let your imagination run wild, it'll get you revved up for the big night. Second, I agree with vjklander about booking a hotel room. It's neutral ground, and if you have a hot tub, it's a great excuse to get everyone naked and helps get the party started.

 

Either way, have yourself a glass of wine and try to relax. Both men WANT you and are on board with this. What could be a more powerful and sexy feeling than that? Having done MFM, I can honestly say there isn't much else that is (so far).

 

As for introductions, they pretty much will know who each other is anyway so that probably won't be necessary. Then again, I've introduced myself to a play partner (one that I already knew) in the middle of playing, just to be silly.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Vjklander 138]

The fact that Mr. and Mrs. jam are both posting is great. Mrs. jam really just has to let herself be pampered. Mr. jam should read some of the MFM threads to be a bit more cognizant of some of the emotions he will have. It's not unusual for the female to concentrate on just one of the men, even if both are playing with her. Some guys take this as a rejection of sorts, though it really is just her not being able to split her attention. We've played with her taking two men at once and with both taking turns.

[rachan 53]

My husband and I have enjoyed mfm for several years. I love the attention, so I'll second second some of the other advice. Just relax and go for it.

 

Raeann

[Drusilla 22]

Jamther...You are a very lucky girl and I'm soooooo incredibly jealous! I'm still working on getting hubby open to the idea of playing with others. I'm thinking it's going to be a very long time, if ever, that I get to experience the MFM. Of course, that's the one thing I'm really really REALLY wanting. *sigh*

 

Of course you are nervous but just go and have FUN. Enjoy the attention and don't think too much. That's what I was told when first introduced to the idea of playing with others....lol...."stop thinking so much".

 

Still waiting for my chance so please, please, PLEASE be sure to come let us know how it goes. Details would be good.

[jamther 15]

Thanks for the advice to all!! I want say when I sent my wife out for her "playdate" which I completely orchestrated and sprung on her 9 am the morning of, my emotions were all over the place. Afterwards I felt hopelessly in love with her, couldn't get enough of her, I had never, ever felt like this about anyone before in my life. So it was a little hard for me to control my emotions - not exactly the emotional type. I understand what I was feeling and I am really sooo good with the MFM she wants. Like I had said earlier, we were both very sexual people early in our relationship, it seems as if we have been dormant all these years.

 

What we, I think I can speak for the Mrs. as well here, have felt and expereinced over this last month has brought us sooo close together. When my wife is on, there is no better. I asked her 10 minutes ago about the session we had 2 nights ago, we agreed niether of us had experienced anything better. Then it goes beyond physical, the way she looks, the way she looks at me, the way she talks to me and that smile I feel like I am falling in love all over again.

 

I am absolutely crazy for this woman - my wife and I know having a MFM will take her to a level she has never been to - a level that I can't even imagine!!!!!!

[blue.freckles 15]

I'm so excited for you!

 

Keep us up to date about how things turn out!

[sweet_tna 680]

Wonderful! I can't wait to hear how it went.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[jamther 15]

Ok....now I'm really feeling very awkward. I called our intended today to set up the details for tomorrow night. I asked if it was a good time to talk and he said to give him a few hours. I know that he is very busy during the day. Well, I gave it 6 hours and called. No answer. I called an hour later and left a voicemail message. Hmmmmm....is he questioning this??? I feel like such a fool.....so embarrassed that I asked him this. Of course I will feel better if he calls back but what if he doesn't??? How incredibly uncomfortable.

[couplewanting50 65]

Ok....now I'm really feeling very awkward. I called our intended today to set up the details for tomorrow night. I asked if it was a good time to talk and he said to give him a few hours. I know that he is very busy during the day. Well, I gave it 6 hours and called. No answer. I called an hour later and left a voicemail message. Hmmmmm....is he questioning this??? I feel like such a fool.....so embarrassed that I asked him this. Of course I will feel better if he calls back but what if he doesn't??? How incredibly uncomfortable.

 

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel foolish about this.

[sweet_tna 680]

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel foolish about this.

 

 

Agreed. Just wait and see. Give him a chance, he may really have been busy.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Vjklander 138]

Well, as they say .... shit happens... Don't take it personally. My yahoo quote is "I refuse to tiptoe lightly through life, only to arrive safely at death". If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, move on. It's HIS lost opportunity not yours.

[purpletiger 25]

If you read many of the threads, you will find it is not uncommon for a guy to either back out or not show. There is a lot of anxiety on his part as well.

 

Don't sweat it - he may just be busy wrapping up a week. Since he is someone you know, I would be surprised if he didn't at least call back.

[jamther 15]

Thanks guys. Still no word and I even left a nice message this morning. I said that If I offended him in anyway I was certainly very sorry and understand his avoidance. I also mentioned that I was feeling very embarrassed about this considering it was a pretty bizarre request and my only hope was that he call so I could have piece of mind.

 

Kind of surprised, mad, sad, pissed, irate, depressed, embarrassed, mortified, rejected and just plain confused.

 

When I originally approached him for this he has asked for one more time with "just me". I couldn't give him that for which I'm sure he understood. I am a faithful wife....and cannot fathom betraying my husband like that. Especially after what he has done for me. Our intended did indicate to me that he was very unsure of my husband being present for this....so I'm assuming his shyness has taken over. But I'm still thinking he is totally disgusted with me and that is really bothering me.

 

Even though I sit here and answer my own questions in this posting....I can't help but feel horrible about this. And really, really sexually frustrated.

 

Hubby and I have to make the best of this tonight......looking forward to it.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

When I originally approached him for this he has asked for one more time with "just me"...Our intended did indicate to me that he was very unsure of my husband being present for this....so I'm assuming his shyness has taken over.

From what I understand of your two threads on this experience, this man had never had any contact with your husband, and hasn't as yet.

 

Even though you explained to this man that your husband was in on all this, I think in the back of this man's mind he didn't really believe you - or didn't want to because it was much more exciting (maybe even acceptable) for him to think he was fucking a cheating wife. He may have never expected you to really bring your husband into the sex because he didn't have any proof that what you told him was true. Cheating wives do lie after all, and it is much easier to presume you are one since that is more common than a Hotwife playing alone with her husband's permission and knowledge.

 

I think he told you he was unsure of your husband being present because he didn't want to flat out say no, and also because he never expected you to ask for that arrangement. Such an arrangement brings play to a whole new level.

 

I think you may have been better off finding this guy together and sitting down for a beer. He would get to know your husband and from there you could bring up your "kink." The guy may have said no right there because in that case he would have seen all this very differently from the start. He'd have proof that your husband was supporting you and that you were in this together. The risk there is that the guy wouldn't be into that and would have said no and you'd never had sex at all.

 

I think when picking up any man by yourself, without your husband ever being involved either through meeting or talking on the phone with the man beforehand to confirm that he approves, you'll run this same risk of a guy not wanting to proceed to a MFM - whether your husband is just watching or joining in to pleasure you.

 

Although I've had no experieince with Hotwife scenarios, this is my take on things.

 

LM

[jamther 15]

You are right.....and I feel so ridiculous.......

 

I can't even imagine what he is thinking. It was very presumptious of me to assume he would be into this. But like you said....I'm sure he never expected our first encounter to lead to another one with my husband present. Although I am not a liar....he may not have thought I was telling the whole truth the first time.

 

How do you possibly go about finding a man? I don't have any other interests other then this particular guy.

 

I'm beginning to think that the fantasizing is a hell of a lot easier and much more fun then the actual act.....this is really hard.

[purpletiger 25]

From what I understand of your two threads on this experience, this man had never had any contact with your husband, and hasn't as yet.

 

 

I never picked up on this. I knew jamther told her friend her husband was aware, but I somehow thought they had met.

 

If I were in his situation, that would make a big difference. Thoughts in my head are "Maybe the husband found out and now wants to kick my ass".

 

Likeminds is right, in hindsight, you probably should have invited him to dinner or drinks with the 2 of you.

 

Sorry, this time is not working out. Fantasies are always easier than reality and usually better:cool: but don't give up. They are always fun to fulfill.

 

Hope it works out for you - Good Luck!

[havefuninsun 122]

I can see why you feel as you do, but I think you're being too hard on yourself.

 

I think he flat just chickened out.

 

There have been times we've called off dates (of course, he's just acting totally chicken shit instead of simply calling off the date) because I felt chicken, uneasy ... however you want to say it. It happens.

 

Have you guys signed up for an adult personal ad yet? There are a lot of single men who know what this is all about out there. I've heard there are a lot of fakes, too. We've only dabbled with finding a male for an MFM (and yes, at the end of the day *I* chickened out:o) and we had good experiences.

 

Other folks don't like the ad sites (we like SLS the best so far), and go to clubs. Check out your local clubs and see if they allow single dudes.

 

The other idea is (and a lot of folks on this site do this, and we're looking forward to it) to become friends with a couple. Once true trust is established, then you can trade off triads ... you can have your MFM and your husband can have a FMF and eat it too ... LOL! Or any other combination thereof.

 

Again -- don't be hard on yourself. As you and your husband are having fun tonight, you will know, and so will hubby, what great ass the other guy is missing out on!!

[ShellyM 0]

Good luck and enjoy the evening! I know MrsVan loves to be the center of attention like that...I mean what lady doesn't right?

 

-Van

 

I absolutely abhor being the center of attention Mr. V, but I do think I'm the exception to the norm lol. Just thinking about being the only woman amongst more than one man causes me to go into panic attacks lol.

[jamther 15]

I never picked up on this. I knew jamther told her friend her husband was aware, but I somehow thought they had met.

 

If I were in his situation, that would make a big difference. Thoughts in my head are "Maybe the husband found out and now wants to kick my ass".

 

Likeminds is right, in hindsight, you probably should have invited him to dinner or drinks with the 2 of you.

 

Sorry, this time is not working out. Fantasies are always easier than reality and usually better:cool: but don't give up. They are always fun to fulfill.

 

Hope it works out for you - Good Luck!

 

Purple,

 

You are absolutely right.....I need to think about what "he" is perceiving this as. Hubby and I have talked and talked about this whereas he can just think only what he knows....which is really not much. We totally rushed into this with him. We were just so darn excited...at least I KNOW I WAS!!!!

 

Oh well.....Kids going to grandpa's for an overnighter and Hubby and I are going out for Prime Rib. Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

[havefuninsun 122]

Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

 

There ya go!!

[sweet_tna 680]

Purple,

 

You are absolutely right.....I need to think about what "he" is perceiving this as. Hubby and I have talked and talked about this whereas he can just think only what he knows....which is really not much. We totally rushed into this with him. We were just so darn excited...at least I KNOW I WAS!!!!

 

Oh well.....Kids going to grandpa's for an overnighter and Hubby and I are going out for Prime Rib. Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

 

Sorry the thing with your intended didn't work out, but I'm glad you and the Mr. are making the best of your evening. You can always start looking for another intended on sls or at the clubs. And when you do find the right guy/couple, you'll have even MORE fun--good things are worth waiting for.

 

Hugs,

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[WildMainePussy 15]

Oh I know what you are going through. My s/o and I discussed for a bit bringing a friend (who I knew was more than very willing) into a MFM situation. My friend's main concern was my s/o keep his hands away from the action--he didn't need any assistance. It took a big leap of faith to suggest and work it out that the three of us get together finally. My s/o still has jealousy issues now and then if we get a heads-up more than 5 days in advance he'll be over on this coast (every two weeks). So far I haven't had any inclination to look further for another playmate since we're nearly exclusive with him.

 

So your guy might have gotten a case of cold feet realizing that your hubby will be right there beside you. That is an unusual situation out there in the 'real world' because most guys have a possession or control issue regarding their wives. I'd suggest a coffee or drink in a neutral place just to clear the air with him - intro all the way 'round to show your hubby isn't about to get into fisticuffs. Of course there's the situation we ran into...

it was such a novel thing having my s/o present, he had a bout of e.d. that lasted three visits and thankfully now has evaporated!

 

Your fellow might have talked himself into a performance anxiety situation also.....and decided a 'no-show' may have been better than being embarassed.

[Vjklander 138]

There are a lot of guys who wouldn't play with another guy in the room. They might be afraid of comparisons or be homophobic. Whatever.

 

Don't get all stressed out about it. You have the right enjoy life. You have the right to maximize your pleasures. If someone wants to do that for you, great!! If they don't, find someone who will. Of course, that also applies to your friend and your SO.

[jamther 15]

Well...to all that have been following this and/or offering great advice, I finally touched base with the intended who we were supposed to meet up with last night.....

 

He lost his nerve....he words were "I could never do another man's wife with him there, I'd be wondering and waiting for the ax to my back....". So apparently he was mistrusting of me, him, us and the situation.

 

He said he's had several MFF's but never the way I asked.

 

Also said I was way OVERTHINKING this and basically acted like he was annoyed that he was having to have this conversation.

 

Oh well.....I really F'ed this one up. I should have just left it as it was with my hubby letting me have that great fling on Oct 20th. Now I feel like he thinks I'm a complete basket case. First I come and blindside him with a Saturday afternoon romp after 13 years, then ask for him to come home with me, with Hubby, then I act like an emotional wreck when he backs out....

 

Should have left it where it was still erotic...now it's just a fantasy taken to far and fizzled out...

 

Wow.....we need some more work. I think we'll be lurking here for awhile before our next big date.

 

Thanks to all who have shown their compassion.........

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

He lost his nerve....he words were "I could never do another man's wife with him there, I'd be wondering and waiting for the ax to my back....". So apparently he was mistrusting of me, him, us and the situation.

 

Also said I was way OVERTHINKING this and basically acted like he was annoyed that he was having to have this conversation.

These are the kind of statements and reactions you will probably get from men who know nothing about swinging. To them, you are an opportunity that comes along, like the other women they've had sex with.

 

Seeking swingers, either single males or couples who are open to solo play might be a better direction at this point.

 

Chaulk this up to a learning experience and focus on how much smarter you are now. You can proceed differently in the future with your newfound insight.

 

LM

[purpletiger 25]

Also said I was way OVERTHINKING this and basically acted like he was annoyed that he was having to have this conversation.

 

Oh well.....I really F'ed this one up. I should have just left it as it was with my hubby letting me have that great fling on Oct 20th. Now I feel like he thinks I'm a complete basket case. First I come and blindside him with a Saturday afternoon romp after 13 years, then ask for him to come home with me, with Hubby, then I act like an emotional wreck when he backs out....

 

Should have left it where it was still erotic...now it's just a fantasy taken to far and fizzled out...

 

Wow.....we need some more work. I think we'll be lurking here for awhile before our next big date.

 

First, I don't understand why he should be upset at having this conversation. He should have been man enough to call you and explain his issues instead of making you find him for an explanation.

 

He should be flattered you wanted him.

 

Next, don't beat yourself up. Just like dating, there are great ones, and there are duds. And we learn from each one.

 

Don't give up, and have fun!

[lovinher 505]

Sounds like you are better off that nothing happpened with this guy. You did nothing wrong and stop worrying about he thinks. The only thing that matters is you and your husband, who I happen to think is a lucky guy for the way you handled it.

[Vjklander 138]

Live and learn eh? You got one good lay out of the deal. He sounds a bit self-centered to me. There are plenty of good swingers out there just waiting for you. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

[sweet_tna 680]

First off, do NOT blame yourself. The guy wasn't enough of a man to call you and let you know he was uncomfortable. Bad form. And to try and make you feel bad on top of it was just plain rude.

 

Does this mean you were wrong for wanting MFM? Hell no! You picked the wrong guy, and it's something you can learn from. Next time (and I do hope there will be), you'll be a little wiser and choose better.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[turnuptheheat 98]

Allow me to be the devil's advocate.

The guy panicked and ran.

On the other side, you have had one good experience with him, so before you file it away, do you want to talk or email some between all three to see if there is enough common ground to try again?

[jamther 15]

You know guys, I have been completely beating myself up over this whole thing....And I'm tired of it. I feel really F'ing pissed, more so at myself for letting this get the best of me. I'm really mad that I can't get a grip and get over the whole ego end of this. I feel like a 10th grader.

 

Part of me just wants to call him again and say "Ok....lets do this, just me and you....". With hubby's blessing of course, but he's not so sure of that happening again. That was really hard on him. Letting me go off to meet this guy for the sole purpose of a fuck was VERY unselfish and completely unheard of (at least in our social circle....). So unless my intended agrees to come home with me, I can't see it happening again. And honestly, even though this guy said no to the MFM, and I told him I couldn't meet him alone, I was still hoping he'd beg. Pretty ridiculous huh?!?!?

 

I really think that it's being desired by someone else that is enticing to me. After being married 10+ years and having three children....this feeling of "someone wanting to fuck me" is very addicting. For the first time in 6 years (since starting my baby days), I feel attractive and like I'm being noticed. And what better way then to go after the guy I didn't get to have.

 

It's not the way it's supposed to be I know. I think I'm mixing in some variables into this and complicating things way too much. What are my new friends thinking??? Be honest, I can take it. I need it.

[DBL D 120]

This has been a very interesting and educational thread...for us all and for you.

 

I'm the type that usually gets really excited about any meeting we might have with another couple...to the point where my wife may think I'm too close to the situation. Seems no one ever really understands anything about the way someone may feel about a sexual encounter...you know...about walking a mile in my shoes kind of thing.

 

Other than maybe not letting the other guy know about your swinging activities, I don't think you did anything wrong. It's okay to get excited. It's what you are looking for...someone with desire for you. This guy sounds like the wrong guy. He couldn't even return your messages when he must have known how you felt. That in itself would piss me off. Lack of regard. So what if he was nervous. Bad stuff to do especially in the early stages.

 

Hope you don't give up on your desires for a mfm.

 

Male D.

[sweet_tna 680]

I really think that it's being desired by someone else that is enticing to me. After being married 10+ years and having three children....this feeling of "someone wanting to fuck me" is very addicting. For the first time in 6 years (since starting my baby days), I feel attractive and like I'm being noticed.

 

Absolutely, it's one of the things I enjoy most about swinging. Knowing someone other than my husband finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me is quite the turn on. It's so powerful to feel like someone more than mommy, wife, and PTO member. I need that time to be a woman--and a desirable one, at that. And that does carry over into my relationship with my honey--in a positive way. I've become more confident and responsive.

 

It's easy to over-complicate things sometimes. In this situation, you simply picked a guy that couldn't handle playing with your husband around. And because you and your hubby are newbies to swinging, you took it to heart. Let it go, but continue to embrace these new feelings and TALK to your husband about maybe trying again--with a better choice of play partner. Maybe even try looking for couples.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Alura 2,775]

You know guys, I have been completely beating myself up over this whole thing....And I'm tired of it. I feel really F'ing pissed, more so at myself for letting this get the best of me. I'm really mad that I can't get a grip and get over the whole ego end of this. I feel like a 10th grader.

 

It seems to me, Jamther, that you've beaten yourself up enough over a person who is not worth the emotional distress.

 

Part of me just wants to call him again and say "Ok....lets do this, just me and you....". With hubby's blessing of course, but he's not so sure of that happening again. That was really hard on him. Letting me go off to meet this guy for the sole purpose of a fuck was VERY unselfish and completely unheard of (at least in our social circle....). So unless my intended agrees to come home with me, I can't see it happening again. And honestly, even though this guy said no to the MFM, and I told him I couldn't meet him alone, I was still hoping he'd beg. Pretty ridiculous huh?!?!?

 

I don't think you should put your husband through such a feeling again. Even if "your intended" came home with you, I doubt the experience would be what it should be, considering the attitudes of all. Count yourself lucky that he didn't beg. Had he, you might have found yourself in a very bad situation.

 

I really think that it's being desired by someone else that is enticing to me. After being married 10+ years and having three children....this feeling of "someone wanting to fuck me" is very addicting. For the first time in 6 years (since starting my baby days), I feel attractive and like I'm being noticed. And what better way then to go after the guy I didn't get to have.

 

It seems to me you did get to have him. Unfortunately, it didn't evolve in the direction you'd hoped. Accept that and move on.

 

Swinging does, indeed, make us feel more attractive and is probably one of the major (and valid) reasons for doing it. A better (and decidedly less dramatic) way to achieve that feeling might be to meet a couple who would be willing to do threesomes on a "take turns" basis with the person who is left out either waiting his/her turn while watching or not there at all. That way all would be enduring the same risks.

 

It's not the way it's supposed to be I know. I think I'm mixing in some variables into this and complicating things way too much. What are my new friends thinking??? Be honest, I can take it. I need it.

 

One thing that is unique about the wonderful people who post on this board is that they really care about you and about the lifestyle. We'll be your friends regardless of your decision.

 

I think you need to leave this potentially explosive situation behind. "Your intended" does not understand what you and your husband are trying to do and likely never will. He is not destined to be a swinger, now or in the future.

 

Next time you see him, be quite friendly, but act as if nothing sexual ever happened between you.

 

That's my advice.

 

Mr. Alura

[purpletiger 25]

WOW - ditto what Mr. Alura said:

 

A date or meetup didn't go as planned. Most don't. I think you should quit dwelling on what might have been and look at what could be.

 

Since this really excited you and your other half, then you should decide how to pursue it, not this guy (he doesn't deserve it), but your fantasies.

 

Other men (and ladies) will find you sexy and attractive also. I would suggest getting dressed up and you and your husband check out a local swing club. Don't go to swing, but go to have a great night out, flirt, talk to some like minded couples and have fun. Get that "I'm wanted" feeling from others.

 

Then, go home, and .... afterward::P: you two talk about what you want to do going forward:

 

Remember the one time and relive the fantasies?

Find other swingers and soft or full swap?

Find another single male and make this fantasy come true?

 

There are many choices so put your energies into making them real and you'll understand he was just training wheels to get you ready for the real ride!

 

Good Luck and have fun!

[Vjklander 138]

I really think that it's being desired by someone else that is enticing to me.

 

I think this is a self-esteem issue that is very common in the community. I'm quite sure it is more than a minor variable in our decision to get involved originally. You also have to appreciate the fact that you are using the other feller to validate your desirability. My suggestion would be to try to stick to boner-fide swingers for awhile. There is much less probability of trouble that way, but you still get most of the advantages.

[jamther 15]

So again, thanks to all for their well-spoken and well received advice. We are moving on from this experience with the newfound knowledge that this is a very big turn-on for us. Although certainly not a lifestyle for all, it works for us and can be the "spark" our marriage needs. Not that we have the time, energy or desire to practice this on a weekly, or even monthy basis, it is a tool we can use when we feel it's due.

 

I go away from this knowing:

 

A: I "got" the guy I always wanted.

B: He DID want me again, I just can't do that without hubby.

 

and

 

C: I am a very lucky lady. My husband is amazing.

 

And oh yeah....I've still got it after all these years....!!!

[purpletiger 25]

 

C: I am a very lucky lady. My husband is amazing.

 

And oh yeah....I've still got it after all these years....!!!

 

There ya go - for us, this sums it up nicely. I know I'm a lucky man, she thinks she's a lucky lady - and we still got it:EG: and each other!

 

Good Luck and have fun!

[trapper 27]

Your right in Understanding what it will be in the end. Your end, your cunt and face. Fine If that's the way you want it

[sweet_tna 680]

So again, thanks to all for their well-spoken and well received advice. We are moving on from this experience with the newfound knowledge that this is a very big turn-on for us. Although certainly not a lifestyle for all, it works for us and can be the "spark" our marriage needs. Not that we have the time, energy or desire to practice this on a weekly, or even monthy basis, it is a tool we can use when we feel it's due.

 

I go away from this knowing:

 

A: I "got" the guy I always wanted.

B: He DID want me again, I just can't do that without hubby.

 

and

 

C: I am a very lucky lady. My husband is amazing.

 

And oh yeah....I've still got it after all these years....!!!

 

Absolutely! What a great attitude!

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[jamther 15]

So I am sitting in a nice restaurant tonight and look at the Mrs. and realize she looks stunning. I figure I am feeling a little excited so I figure why not get the Mrs. a little excited as well. Out of the blue while we are enjoying our dinner with our kids, I say I'll give you 2 hours to go out and find a man to bring home. Her eyes lite up and she could barely sit still as we discussed it further. After dinner we came home. She put the lttle one to bed and started preping for her evening.

 

She has been gone 1 hour and things are looking good per a cell phone conversation we had a few minutes ago. She said many guys looked very interested in her.

 

The excitement in her voice alone makes me realize this is definetly worth it, let alone the pay back later on!

 

I figured I would share this with our new friends because every day friends just don't understand.

 

Thanks again all for your advice to the latest newbies.

 

Mr.

[love2dp 53]

I shared a long time ago girl friend with my best friend a couple of times, I just could not do it with a total stranger. hope it works out safely for you, be careful.